Original subtitles

[Alarm clock rings]

Hey, how long have you been up?

About ten months.

♪♪ [Slow techno beat]

[Man] This morning I wanted to give you

an update on important recent development.

All that yammering from green peace about oil tankers.

They wanted a double hull,

they got it.

But not in oil tankers.

In our new secure seal adult under-garments.

[Applause]

And our upcoming acquisition

of gerianet'’s 200 nationwide managed care facilities

gives criterion dynamics a pretty solid marketing base.

And my wife'’s father is living proof

these babies work like a charm, uh?

[Polite laughter]

Once again, Desmond, great work.

Not that i'’d expect anything less from you.

And now, I got a plane to catch.

It'’s over.

Oh, yeah, yeah, one more thing.

That miracle synthetic Clay

that tormey talked US into developing.

We'’re stuck with $8,000,000 of it.

Stuck with it?

Well, it'’s too brittle to use as a putty.

Too pliable for wall material.

I'’m praying that by the time I get back from Geneva,

that someone in this room will figure out what to do with it.

Crust.

What?

Just add a little dye to it

and use it as crust in our new frozen pizza.

You know the one with no real cheese.

But with all the tang and zest of real cheese.

Exactly.

If we can fake the cheese, we can fake the dough.

Right?

Synthetic pizza dough.

Brilliance. Pure brilliance.

I'’m Desmond caine.

And things should have been so simple.

Well, things are never so simple.

One minute you are on top of the world.

And the next--

anyway, i'’m getting ahead of myself.

Desmond caine?

Lena savage. Your attorney.

Allan gruber is my attorney.

Allan doesn'’t do murders.

He referred you to me. I'’m his cousin.

And you do murders?

Thou shall not stalk, the Paula gurowitz story.

Susan lucci plays me

hi, Lena.

Horace. Gary.

Desmond cane, this is

assistant state'’s attorney Ramirez

have a seat, please.

Mr. Cane, we would like you to go over your--

[Lena] Uh, not so fast, guys.

Mr. Caine has not retained me yet.

[Sighs]

Not this shit again.

[Lena] So how about it, Desmond?

You want me as your legal council or not?

Fine.

Why not?

All right,

then sign this.

Option agreement. Option for what?

The rights to your story.

Des, it'’s 6:15. I'’m leaving.

Are you staying?

Yeah, for a little while.

Should I stick around so you Don'’t...

Go on, i'’ll be fine.

Good night.

Thank you.

Excuse me, miss.

Uh, I Don'’t mean to bother you,

but I dropped my case on the tracks.

Uh, butterfingers, you know?

You think you can help me out?

You know, I have no way of--

[station P.A. announcement in Italian]

Sure.

I really appreciate this, you know?

Aah!

[Electricity buzzes]

Could I have a pen, please?

Just so you know, i'’m taping this.

Oh, so are we.

Questions, gentlemen?

[Woman] Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

I wanted to talk to you at the memorial service.

Didn'’t seem like quite the right time.

You and Alma were good friends?

Mm-hmm.

She used to date my brother.

The med student?Yeah.

But I think she had a crush on you.

She talked about you a lot.

Anyway, I hope this doesn'’t seem too ghoulish,

but since the accident--

well, everybody in this place is gonna want her job.

Me included.

But I knew Alma pretty well and it would probably take me less acclimation time--

Kimberly.

Kick. Everybody calls me kick.

Kick.

What exactly did Alma tell you about me?

Just to give you a little kick.

So then you know?

Yes, she told me.

Who else did she tell?

Not a soul.

I'’m the only one.

Well,

I guess I Don'’t have any choice.

Welcome aboard.

So what does your doctor say?

I mean, do you sleep all day because you have insomnia?

Or do you have insomnia because you sleep all day?

Well, you know, I Don'’t think it'’s a doctor kind of thing.

The guy I probably need to speak to is sitting on a mountaintop

somewhere in Tibet or in a cave in Mexico,

all whacked out on peyote or mushrooms.

Desmond, you'’re babbling.

We'’re all all in our own little tower of babble, now aren'’t we?

Am I suppose to understand this?

It'’s probably just a phase.

I'’ll be fine.

[Man] Hold the elevator!

I got it.

[Button beeps]

You pressed close.Oh, shit.

Oh, well, I guess he'’ll just catch the next one.

I should'’ve known, you bitch.

Lousy, lying, little bitch.

Honest mistake. She just pressed the wrong button.

Button, my ass. It'’s my car I'm talking about.

That'’s it, look away like it wasn'’t you

parking next to me every day.

Like something else could'’ve dented my door.

Feel good putting one over on a cripple?

Someday, you'’re gonna need that parking spot for real.

And i'’ll be there, missy. Right beside you.

Laughing my shriveled little head off!

Remember that, missy!

What the hell was that about?

I Don'’t know.

He thinks I dented his car or something.

Right now, i'’m concerned about you.

Shouldn'’t you be trying to get some help or something?

I'’m working out it. Just please Don'’t tell anyone.

Like they'’d believe me.

I didn'’t believe Alma when she told me.

But at the antarctic landfill presentation,

I was watching you.

You didn'’t blink for an hour and a half!

Look, Don'’t worry, my lips are sealed.

I wanted this job way too badly.

I'’m not gonna blow it by coming off

as some nut-case to McCoy.

You want to be the crazy one? Knock yourself out.

[Kick] And your girlfriend has no idea?

[Desmond] Chaney?

She'’s a commercial real estate machine.

Constant motion from morning till night.

Lease that office. Do this closing.

Hustle the next listing.

[Elevator rings]

[Desmond] When her head hits the pillow,

she'’s gone.

She might as well be dead.

[Kick] You know a normal person

would just watch TV or read a book.

[Desmond] I wouldn'’t know.

[Kick] And every night you just take that same walk?

[Desmond] Schiller to astor to division to state.

[Kick] Hmm, creature of habit, huh?

[Desmond] Yeah, all US creatures with the whole world to ourselves.

It'’s not so bad, really.

You go the same way every night.

See the same people. You make friends.

Howdy, chief.

Hey, sweetcheeks.

Baby, do you wanna help put me through law school, eh?

Oh, not tonight, thank you.

Oh, you sure? You gonna like what I got for you, baby.

How'’s it going?

Great.

Seen any action tonight?

Fuck you.

Save the jokes, white man.

He Don'’t have a very highly-evolved

sense of humor.

But it'’s no lie, he'’s not touched

his own gun in four years.

What the hell do you want from me?

Nothing, babe. Which is about twice what you got to offer.

You watch your mouth.

No.

You watch your mouth, you spineless fuck!

Hiding your flat ass in here every goddamn night,

cause you'’re too chickenshit to face the crap

they think they'’re paying you to deal with.

Everybody knows you Don'’t have the balls

to write a parking ticket, babe.

All you'’re good at is sitting at that counter

and leaning on that blind woman.

I told you I am not totally blind.

I know, w.D.

You'’re not totally blind.

You'’re just legally blind.

Hey, white man. Come here.

I got somethin'’ for you.

So, you still seein'’ that same up-scale broad?

The same one.

[Chuckles]

How about an engagement ring?

You know, she ain'’t gonna give it away forever,

any woman that'’s worth her salt.

She'’s checkin' her bluebook value like clockwork,

and if you Don'’t give her somethin'’ in trade,

she'’ll go somewhere else to get it.

Where'’d you get this?

Fell from the fuckin'’ sky.

Chicken little, he scooped it up.

He sold it to ducky lucky,

who got mugged comin'’ out of an otb by a whore.

Her pimp sold it to me. Do you want it?

There'’s dried blood on it.

Yeah. I'’ve seen 'em

with whole fuckin'’ finger'’s in 'em.

Five-letter word for an Asian snake.

Krait.

K-r-a-i-t.

Yard and a half.

It'’s worth ten times that.

I'’m sorry. You oughta try somebody else.

Who, for instance?

Deputy fuckin'’ fife up there?

Maybe pokey the cook, huh?

Yeah. The man'’s livin' a fairy tale from hell.

He'’s so goddamn ugly, he can'’t take his face out in the light of day.

Skitters home, skitters to work.

Swear to god, if he had somebody to give this to,

i'’d lay it on him for free.

You sure?

So, how you been, white man?

How'’s the job?

The same. You know. Okay.

"Okay"?

It'’s a fucking cakewalk.

You sleepwalk all day for a six-figure paycheck.

My man, you'’re a regular fuckin'’ presidential candidate.

Aah! Uhh! Ohh![Dog growling]

Get off! Aah!Jesus Christ!

Aah! Uhh!

[Growling]

Go, Caesar!

Unhh![growling]

Christ sakes, babe, shoot the fuckin'’ dog!

You shoot him.

[Shouting, growling continue]

Yeah, eat his fuckin'’ heart out!

[Cocks rifle]

Oh, what genius

gave a blind broad a gun?

Would somebody please do something?!

[Growling]

Aaahh!

[Clothes ripping]

Shoot it!

Whack the dog, white man.

[Growling]

[Dog howls in pain]

[Gunshots]

[Dog whimpers]

Oh, man. Are you okay?

You killed my dog, man.

He'’s a cop, if you want to have me arrested.

No! Motherfucker.

You'’re gonna have to deal with me.

Come on, Caesar.

I'’ll take you home to your brother.

[Grunts]

And Don'’t come back!

Damn dogs. I hate '’em.

[Sighs] Only reason why I still live

in that shitbox fantastica.

No animals.

Fantastica?

Well.

Thatshould cut into your social life.

When I get a social life, skay,

you'’ll be the last to know.

Mmhh.

Go home, white man.

You should be laying beside your...Upscale lady.

You Don'’t belong here with US.

♪ I have got

♪ a dream for two

♪ just waiting to begin

not yet.

♪♪ [Funk]

[Distant chatter]

[Dog barking]

[Chatter, barking]

[Static]

Mmhh...

Hi.

Hi.

How'’d you sleep?

Same as always.

Good.

I have a question.

You'’ve got a question.

Hypothetically... If i'’m convicted

and, uh, executed,

doesn'’t that make for a better sell?

I mean, you might be able to get Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise? Desmond, you want Tom Cruise,

you'’d better go kill someone big,

not some kraut in a wheelchair.

Udo was in a wheelchair?

So, what if I told you that I shot a dog last night?

That you wouldn'’t have these dreams

if you exercised more often.

What if it really happened?

Then I guess you wouldn'’t be

Desmond caine, now, would you?

Who would I be?

No one normal.

Normal people Don'’t shoot dogs,

and we are about as normal as they come.

♪♪ [Soft jazz]

[Knock knock]

Hey, des. What'’s up?

Cigarettes.

Your south American market plan?

There'’s a meeting at 11. It'’s your baby. If you want to be there.

Um...yeah.

But, uh, i'’m leaving at 10:00.

Oh. Where you goin'’?

[Clears throat]

Geneva.

McCoy just needs my help for a few days.

It'’s good to be needed.

I hope you can turn that...

Need...

Into a big, fat raise.

Me, too.

State your name and address, please.

[Clears throat]

Desmond caine.

2510 west Schiller street, Chicago.

Where were you between 5 in the afternoon yesterday

and 6 this morning?

I worked until 6:30.

Can anyone vouch for you?

Kick Birmingham.

Hey, Dracula. How was your night?

I...shot a dog.

Oh, my god.

You own a gun?

It was a cop'’s gun.

What were you doing with a cop'’s gun?

I was at the snow white diner.

This guy came in. He had a pit bull all over him.

There was a cop there who froze,

so I grabbed his gun and shot a dog.

What time was this?

Usual time.

3:30? Usual walk?

Usual everything.

Well, what happened then?

Then I went home.

Usual home, usual girlfriend.

You must be a big hero at the diner.

[Clears throat] And I haven'’t even told them

about the fake pizza dough.

You know...

...you Don'’t look so good.

Maybe you should get to your desk, get some rest.

Hmm?

Where'’d you go after work?

I walked home. It took ten minutes.

I Don'’t think that'’s enough time to kill anyone.

How long does it take?

Can he talk to me like this?

Shh! He'’s fine.

So you got home at...

6:45. Then chaney and I

went to dinner and a movie. And we'’re home at 11.

And then?

She went to sleep.

And you?

I laid down, just thinking.

So I got up.

♪♪ [Ominous]

Yeah?

Desmond? It'’s kick.

What'’s wrong?

Well, nothing.

Nothing? It'’s one in the morning.

Yeah, I know. I was dozing off,

and I heard something on the radio

about a fire on division street.

I wanted to make sure you were okay.

I'’m fine.

Go to sleep.

Did I wake chaney?

No. I'’m in the kitchen.

The ringer'’s off in the bedroom.

Maybe you shouldn'’t go out tonight.

I'’ll be fine.

Will you call me when you get back?

I'’ll see you in the morning. Good night.

Hey, baby.

This car is so cold.

You got something hot for me to sit on, maybe?

I think i'’ll pass.

Hey, Don'’t be giving me

no fucking attitude, eh?

I just have to make a livin'’ here.

So either I be laid or I be laid off, baby.

But Don'’t you talk to me like you my father, eh?

[Woman] Yes, girl, if your father

paid you every time he fucked you,

you wouldn'’t have to be working now.

Verdi opera. Eight letters.

Starts with an "a."

Adelaide.

A-d-e-l-a-i-d-e.

[Man] Ahh.

[Exhales sharply]

Hey, babe.

What?

You know any of those midget cops?

Somebody tell this asshole

there'’s no such thing as midget cops.

How '’bout you, white man? You ever seen a midget cop?

'’course he hasn't. Not in uniform.

They'’re undercover.

Doin'’ what?

Well, when the circus comes to town...

Is when the midget cops go to work, huh?

Is there really that much crime in the circus?

Uh-huh. Child prostitution.

Pedophilia.

Oh, Jesus, skay.

Well, how do you think circuses make all their money?

Huh? From the beginning of time,

kids have been runnin'’ off to join the circus.

And when they get there, what happens? They give '’em a shovel

and point '’em at the elephant cage.

Now, after a couple of days

of shoveling tons of elephant dung,

these kids get real miserable.

That'’s when the ringmaster steps in.

Hey, little fella...

You want a new job?

Well, tonight, after the show,

this fellow'’s gonna come around, and...

You be real nice to him...

And that shovel'’s history.

That'’s why we need midget cops...

Bust these perverts before they leave town

with all our kids.

You'’re sick.

Oh, not me, babe. Society.

Check out your fairy tales.

You think the witch wanted hansel and gretel so she could cook '’em

or rumpelstiltskin wanted that kid

'’cause he didn't like changin'’ diapers?

Or what about the pied Piper, huh?

Pied Piper leaves town with every blond-haired, blue-eyed kid in Germany,

and nobody ever asked, "where'’d they go?

What did they do when they got there?"

And what the fuck is a pied Piper, anyway?

Well, i'’ll tell you!

He'’s a chicken hawk.

Searches out hungry little kids.

Feeds them meat pies.

And steps on the pipe.

There are no midget cops.

There are, too.

One in the next bed to me when I was in the hospital

when my skull got crushed.

When was that?

18 years ago.

I was a sleeve strapper at the local loony bin,

and, uh...

One day I was out in the garden,

and a "guest" at the institution

picked up this rock the size of a football.

Started wailin'’ on the back of my skull.

And when she was through, there wasn'’t much of a skull back there.

It was mostly rice krispies.

They, uh...

Uh, after a while, they sorta put it back together.

Or most of it.

Most of it?

Mmm.

You ever touch a man'’s brain right through his skull?

No.

I do every day.

Gimme your hand.

What for?

Gimme your hand, white man.

No, really, i--

it'’s not like leprosy.

You'’re not gonna catch anything.

It'’s...a little hole.

[Sighing] Ahh...

Kinda cool, isn'’t it?

Sorta like a woman'’s breast.

[Exhales sharply]

Now, there'’s somethin' you can tell your grandkids about.

So, you went for a little walk

at, uh... One in the morning.

You didn'’t go see some girlfriend on the side,

nothin'’ like that?

I was alone.

Did anybody see you leave your building?

I Don'’t know.

♪♪ [Alarm clock plays tune]

Mmhh...

[Sighs] Hey.

How long have you been up?

About ten months.

What would you say if I told you

I saw somebody get murdered?

I'’d say you're hallucinating

from endorphin withdrawal.

Ah. I see.

So I guess it'’s more of that...

New-age bullshit, eh, chaney?

I guess the reason i'’m all screwed up

is that I Don'’t spend every waking minute strapped to a treadmill.

Oh, so i'’m screwed up because my body'’s triglyceride-free?

I'’ll tell you what. Let me put it into some terms

that perhaps you might be able to relate to.

I was walking down astor...

On my way home like I do every night after you'’ve gone to sleep.

You see, I just can'’t help myself.

I get very excited knowing

that i'’m on one of those heart-pumping power walks.

Only tonight, I was a little extra-sweaty

because I saw some poor bastard get murdered

right in front of me!

So, when, may I ask, do you sleep?

During the day.

When i'’m at work.

Oh, interesting perk. Does McCoy tuck you in?

He doesn'’t know anything about it...

Because I can sleep with my eyes open.

Sorry.

Medical science doesn'’t even have a name for it.

Well, gee, I can'’t imagine why.

I knew you wouldn'’t believe me.

Oh, honey,

you Don'’t want me to believe you.

This is a cry for help.

Maybe it is!

I Don'’t know!

Okay?

I just saw somebody get murdered.

Now, listen to me.

We are normal people.

Okay? We lead normal lives.

We Don'’t sleep with our eyes open,

and we Don'’t walk the streets all night.

Is that normal?

That'’s a dead guy's watch with my blood smeared on it.

That I got...

...from this normal little cut.

It happened during a normal little struggle.

But i'’m not surprised that you didn'’t notice.

I thought it was from shaving.

With what?

A treadmill?

Okay.

What happened?

[Distorted sirens wail]

[Dogs bark][People chatter]

[Yells]

Help!

Help me!

They'’re trying to kill me.

Please, Don'’t let them kill me.

Please.[gun fires]

Ah!

[Gun fires]

Somebody help.

Did anybody else see this?

Nobody.

That'’s it. I'm calling 911.

No, no, no, no.

Why not?

You'’ve got a dead man's watch.

Your skin could be under his nails.

Maybe your blood is on his clothes.

What are you saying?

Desmond, if I almost didn'’t believe you, why would the police?

You'’ve got to call the police.

I Don'’t know.

Come on, what if he had a family?

Little kids waiting for daddy to come home, huh?

I mean, what if he was in line to donate a kidney

and there'’s some young mother on dialysis who will never get it

because you were too afraid to call the police?

Well, wouldn'’t the kidneys have gone bad by now?

It was just an example.

Look, you saw someone killed.

You'’ve got to tell the police.

Yeah. Yeah, try attaining five.

Right, bye.

Mr. Caine?

Yes?

Detective Gary belladonna. Homicide.

Oh, right. Great.

Please, come on in.

Well, you know, I was thinking--

you said this murder took place in the neighborhood?

Just two blocks away, on astor.

Let'’s check it out.

Great.

So this is the building.

Yup.

And that'’s the window?

This one down here.

You sure?

Yeah. They'’ve obviously replaced the glass.

Give me a second.

[Phone pad beeps]

I got 2320.

Okay.

Excuse me, why do you--

so this is the window, except they replaced the glass,

took down the curtains,

and got rid of the furniture.

Any chance this isn'’t the street?

None. I'’ve lived here the last four and a half years.

Before then?

San Francisco.

Got many friends?

Not really. I met chaney two weeks after I moved here.

We mostly keep to ourselves.

And you were the only one on the street?

I tried to talk to one cop.

Open up.

I just saw somebody get killed.

They just killed him right in front of me. Open the door.

You want to join him?

Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, Don'’t stop.

Baby, Don'’t stop.

Having sex in a squad car with a hooker.

Did you get his name?

The cop or the hooker?

So this was a male prostitute?

Dressed like a woman, but it was a guy. Trust me.

No offense, des, but you haven'’t done a whole hell of a lot to earn my trust.

Did you get his badge number?

No.

You see any money change hands?No.

Then how do you know this person was a hooker?

Look, just because a cop doesn'’t pay for a cup of coffee

doesn'’t mean it's not a cup of coffee.

I pay for my coffee.

Starbucks.

Buck forty-seven and a twenty-eight cent tip.

And I know that'’s not a hell of a lot to a high roller like you,

but what did you do? Start some bullshit dot-com thing

and then pocket a few mil when it went public?

I went public when I entered the police academy,

and right now, i'’m trading for a big 64-5,

plus a pension that I doubt could cover your car insurance.

I have a job.

This ought to be good.

Criterion dynamics.

Doing what?

Market manifest facilitator.

Wow, no shit.

You know, that'’s what I always wanted to be when I was a kid.

Let me see the watch.

I'’ll check the blood and the serial number.

Great.

So when can I get a copy of the report?

You want a copy of the report?

Yes. Just something with your name and badge number,

and perhaps the serial number for the watch.

Oh, so now we'’re suddenly interested in badge numbers.

Well, for your information, I Don'’t shake down Starbucks,

I Don'’t get head from shim hookers,

and I Don'’t steal evidence.

But if it'’ll make you feel any better,

i'’ll walk you back to stately Wayne manor and get you a receipt.

Great.

Now, when can we go check out the apartment?

When can we check out--

when you graduate from police academy,

move your wife and two kids back in with your mother in the house you grew up in

and try to make a life for yourself on 64-5,

then we can check out the apartment.

Shit.

Your tape player'’s making mine feedback or something.

Why Don'’t you turn it off? I'’ll dub my tape for you.

Yeah, nice try. Turn yours off.

I Don'’t see why I should be the one to turn--

i'’ll tell you why. Because we'’re trying to make a case for first-degree murder.

You'’re trying to make some grossly inaccurate,

three-hankie excuse to sell floor wax and fucking tampons.

Horace.

[Distorted] So tell me,

are you out of your ever-loving gourd or what?

You see a guy get greased, you run to the cops,

and the only thing standing between you and a murder rap

is the snow white alibi club.

Mr. Darrow,

who would you like to be a witness first?

Ms. Legally blind?

Maybe the phantom toad?

And let'’s not forget the guy

who never looks anyone in the face.

Not to mention every jury'’s favorite character witness,

Ms. "what the fuck am I?"

Or perhaps moi.

[Stutters] My mother and father

gave me electroshock therapy,

and all I ever got was this lousy t-shirt.

I hate to break it to you, white man,

but the closest you'’ve got to credibility in this shithole

may be man'’s best friend.

Desmond, wake up.

When did you get back?

About half an hour ago.

Well?

The cop didn'’t believe me.

Are you serious?

[Knocking at door]

Mr. Caine?

Who are you?

I'’m the xep.

What is that?

Freelance communications processor.

Oh, you mean you'’re a temp.

My agency no longer uses that terminology.

Mr. Caine, there'’s a gentleman here to see you.

He says he'’s a police detective.

Well, I always wondered what a market manifest facilitator'’s office looked like.

Uh, you can speak in front of my my associate.

This is Kimberly Birmingham.

Kick.

You a lawyer?

No, i'’m a sector development analyst.

That'’s a coincidence.It is?

Yeah. Back in the old country, in San gimignano,

my great-grandfather was the village sector development analyst.

It was a family tradition. Went back to the middle ages.

So we got nothing on the blood work yet.

As far as the watch goes,

I had to call Switzerland right away

before the watch company knocked off for the day,

since there'’s an eight-hour difference.

Seven.

Huh?

With daylight savings time, the difference is seven.

I know because I spent 15 months in Zurich.

Is that a fact?

Yeah.

[Phone beeps]

Excuse me.

Yeah, I got 7 and 15.

Right. Bye.

Anyway, the watch'’s warranty is registered to a guy named udo magik.

He lives at lakepoint tower.

So then, he'’s the victim?

Good chance.

His wife reported him missing at 6:00 last night.

He never came home.

Never showed up for work this morning.

Any idea who the killer is?

Yeah.

You.

What'’s that supposed to mean?

See, magik filled out the warranty card and sent it in,

but according to the jeweler'’s records,

magik was not the one who bought the watch.

So? Maybe it was a gift. Big deal.

Big deal for your girlfriend.

She purchased the watch six months ago.

Chaney?

That'’s impossible.

It'’s what you'd like to believe.

No guy wants to buy into his girlfriend

not only being poked by somebody else,

but liking it so much, she actually buys the guy a rolex.

Must have shocked the shit out of you.

Which is probably why you killed him.

Slow down.

Okay, Sherlock.

I mean, this is just ridiculous.

Oh, yeah?

Enlighten US, Ms. Birmingham.

Ever buy an expensive gift for a guy who was a bust in the sack?

I'’m hardly the one to answer that.

Wait a minute.

Did you check the apartment?

Des, you got one tight set of shorts for that apartment, Don'’t you?

Well, i'’m going to help you out.

I'’m going to take you down to the precinct.

If you'’re lucky, they'll have a better homes & gardens to thumb through,

and you can see a whole shitload of apartments.

Or when you call your lawyer to meet you down there,

tell him to bring the latest issue of metropolitan home.

Shall we?

How'’d you kill him?

[Lena] Back off, Gary.

Why? You'’re not going to put that in the movie. I may as well ask it.

I didn'’t kill him.

So you got home at--

6:45, then chaney and I went to dinner and a movie.

We were home at 11.

And then?

She went to sleep.

And you?

I laid down, just thinking.

So I got up.

What time?

1:17.

Exactly?

Yes.

1:17.

Dial that phone, i'’ll have you fired.

And then what did you do?

I went for a walk.

She see you go?She was asleep.

Your doorman see you go?

He was asleep.

Well, what can we do for him, Morris?

I'’ll have to make sure on this,

but if you plead guilty to murder one,

I can get you off with life.

[Knocking at door]

He'’ll be right out.

Excuse me.

It'’s not as bad as it sounds.

You could be entitled to conjugal visits in five.

You could be out in twenty.

No confessions. Do not confess to anything.

I didn'’t do anything.

Horace, could you come here, please?

Lena, give US a sec, would you?

Mm-hm.

Excuse US.

You'’re lucky you were born late.

Vietnam vets, the scabs,

that'’s all they are.

Half a million scabs falling off the ugliest,

most festered sore uncle Sam ever gouged

on our national consciousness.

I hear it got real hot over there,

even at midnight.

90 degrees.

100% humidity.

Sweat just...

Running down your body,

all night long.

You like it hot, white guy?

Desmond? You all right?

[Horace] Sorry it took so long.

How long have you been gone?

Half an hour.

You'’re sweating like a pig.

What were you, in a trance?

Something like that.

[Gary] Well, des,

recognize something like this?

A rat was nibbling on it in your alley.

Any idea where we might find the rest of him?

The rest of who?

We'’re assuming it's udo,

but we'’ll find out when his wife gets here.

[Knocking at door]

Is that him?

Is that the man who killed my husband?

I didn'’t kill anyone.

I was just walking down astor--

[Gary] Shut up, des.

Mrs. Magik.

Could this be your husband'’s foot?

Oh, my god.

Try to focus.

Yes, it definitely could be udo'’s.

Did you bring the shoe?

[Gary] Okay.

Let'’s see if it fits.

Oh, great.

First the o.J. Thing, now this.

Shouldn'’t you be trying to do that with a sock?

Do not give them your sock, okay?

This means nothing without the DNA.

We'’re just going ballpark here.

Perfect fit.

Let me see that.

I sold shoes all through college.

What size is this?

Ten.

Look at where the toe is.

This is a nine, nine and a half Max.

Nice try, prince charming.

It doesn'’t matter. We'’re not charging him now.

You'’re free to go. Just Don'’t take any extended vacations.

Can I bounce a title off you?

The cinderella murder?

How did you know?

[Phone beeps]

Kick Birmingham.

Where have you been?

You know, I really hate that you Don'’t have a cell phone.

Really?

His wife.

What was she like?

Well, you better get your butt down here, fast.

McCoy called from Geneva.

He said he needed to talk to you

about a conversation you had yesterday with Randy.

Thought he wasn'’t happy.

Can you blame him?

His father-in-law owns 38% of the stock in this place.

If his marriage crashes, his career goes with it.

And in his mind, you probably know enough to destroy both.

Which is exactly why i'’ve spent all day

backing up your files onto discs.

Let'’s just say i'’m a great believer in insurance policies.

I just need you to check and make sure I didn'’t miss anything.

And hurry. If he'’s as nervous as he sounded,

he could have you locked out of here

before he gets back tomorrow.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay, these are the only copies.

So if McCoy'’s affair costs you your job,

it'’s also going to cost him $8 billion in business plans.

Well, this looks thorough.

I'’m going to check a few, but it looks okay.

Well, i'’m out of here.

You want to meet me for a drink?

I can'’t. I have to look at these,

and then go meet chaney.

Give me a call later, then.

I had your calls forwarded here, just in case.

Thanks.

I owe you.

No, you Don'’t.

[Phone rings]

Kick Birmingham'’s office.

Chaney?

[Man] Mr. Caine?

Yeah?

I want to help you.

Who'’s calling?

I know you didn'’t kill magik.

Who is this?

It wasn'’t supposed to happen like this.

They screwed me and Howard,

and now they'’re going to screw you.

Howard who?

Who the hell is this?

I'’ll be out in front in ten minutes.

I'’ll have a bloomingdale bag.

Be there.

I'’m your last chance to get out of this alive.

Hold on, wait a minute.

[Dial tone beeps]

[Grunts]

[Yells]

Crazy motherfucker!

Why'’d you have to kill yourself on my time?

No, I wasn'’t trying to--

grab the rope.

[Shouting]

Oh, my god.

[Whimpers]

Kick in the window.

Kick in the goddamn window.

I Don'’t want to die. I just got divorced.

Kick it in.

In the middle.

Jesus. Two feet. Use two feet.

Pull me back.

That'’s it. I've got him.

That'’s it. I've got you.

You okay? Yeah.

[Laughs]

[Window washer] Yo!

Wait, wait.

[Man] Take it easy, take it easy.

I ought to fucking kill you, you motherfucker.

Shit.

Hey, hey!

Get off me.

Did you see what he did?

You want my watch, too, you son of a bitch?

[Police sirens wail]

[Police dispatcher] Attention all units.

Secure all exits at criterion dynamic building.

Subject is a murder suspect.

It appears to be a suicide attempt.

I repeat, secure all exits at criterion dynamic building.

Subject in question is blond, six foot Caucasian.

Male, 30-35 years old,

named Desmond caine.

Approach with caution.

He could be armed and dangerous.

Enjoy your work-out.

You paged me?Ah, yes, I did.

You got a call. You can use the white phone.

Okay, thanks.

Chaney streeter.

[Desmond] It'’s me.

Listen, we have to talk.

How soon can you get out of there?

My massage isn'’t for 45 minutes.

Why Don'’t you come and meet me here?

I can'’t.

[Chaney] Desmond, a half hour on the treadmill

isn'’t going to kill you.

No, but getting there might.

And they may be watching you.

Oh? And who might that be?

Police.

I'’m wanted for the murder of udo magik.

Udo'’s dead?

Listen to me.

Go out the fire exit of the parking garage

and cut through the apparel center.

Get yourself over to the cinema polska on Milwaukee Avenue.

I'’ll be inside. We can talk there.

I'’m only going to wait till 7:00.

Chaney, this may be your last chance to see me.

Come alone.

Excuse me.

Where did you find this place?

We used it to market test rat traps.

Police paid me a little visit.

They were going to check on that watch.

It belonged to udo. Guess where he got it?

He worked in the real estate department at midcity trust

and he listed a building with me.

I made a big commission, so I bought it for him as a little gift.

And that'’s all?

Yes, that'’s all.

Desmond, there'’s a pervert next to me.

He'’ll go away if you ignore him.

How come you never told me?

I didn'’t think you'’d be interested.

Well, I am.

So were those people that have a lot of those bright, shiny badges.

They think I killed udo because I found out you two were lovers.

Can we please move?

I'’m not hearing any denial.

You Don'’t deserve a denial.

The whole idea'’s disgusting.

He must have been the worst dresser i'’ve ever met.

And I Don'’t suppose they told you udo was a paraplegic.

Which still would have left him with a fully functional tongue.

Oh, what am I?

Lunch special?

[Grunts]

Oh, my god, he'’s having an orgasm.

All right, now listen to me.

You got to call the police station.

Find detective belladonna and explain everything.

Desmond, you'’re way over-stressed.

Nobody'’s trying to kill you.

Desmond!

Call belladonna.

Desmond!

[Yelps]

Oh, my--

♪♪ [Drums beat slowly]

Good evening.

[Woman] See you later, Harry.

I'’m, uh, looking for someone.

Hey.

[Woman] I'’ve got a gun in here.

It'’s Desmond caine.

I Don'’t know any Desmond caine.

Get the fuck out of here before I shoot you through the door.

I'’m the white man from the diner.

Who?

The guy who shot the dog.

What dog?

The other night, at the snow white diner.

The guy came in with the pit bull on him.

I shot the dog with babe'’s gun.

Yeah?

What do you want?

Could you open the door?

Hi.

I'’m getting dressed. I got to go to work.

I see.

Can I come in?

Yeah, but make it quick.

I told you, I got to go to work.

Nice.

Yeah. Just like on TV.

You know, the old supermanreruns

when he'’d be in a room and the walls would start to close in.

Except he'’d always stop them before they got this close.

Look, I was wondering if I could stay here tonight.

I'’m sorry. Let me rephrase that.

If I could stay here while you'’re at work,

because the police are after me.

I heard that one a few times, too.

No, really. They think I killed someone.

Naturally, you'’re innocent.

Well, I did see somebody killed,

but they think I did it.

Who knows you'’re here?

Nobody. Nobody knows I know you.

What'’s the matter? You ashamed to tell your friends about me?

[Tires screech]I can'’t have the cops in here.

I mean, I didn'’t exactly pay retail

for that little home theater experience.

90 bucks, gets 172 channels.

That'’s 52 cents a channel.

When I got married, we paid 375 bucks

for a TV that only got 7 channels.

That'’s 53 bucks per channel.

Of course, that was from a store.

Fuck it. I was young. What did I know?

So where'’s your husband now?

Some town, some bar.

Telling some rum sponge he didn'’t kill anybody, either.

Bathroom'’s end of the hall on your right.

See you at 6:30.

Lock the door.

[Gary] Man, if puss like that gets off on crips,

you can shoot me in the fucking spinal cord right now.

That'’s a big if, my man.

So, how'’d we do, Sammy?

She wasn'’t screwing magik.

She hasn'’t seen magik for months.

They had one real estate deal together.

He gave her the listing for a high-rise owned by his bank.

Midcity trust.

Yeah. Correct.

So she made a fat commission and bought him the watch out of gratitude.

Hang on, she lied about something.

Hm?

Oh! No, no. That was before you came in.

I poured a coffee.

She went nuts.

Said you can'’t pour hot liquid into a styrofoam cup.

Some fluoro-chloro mumbo-jumbo about me fucking with the ozone layer.

That it was her planet too, and, uh--

i'’ll write this up for you.Thanks.

He didn'’t jump. He was pushed.

How do you figure?

I looked him up on the net.

I mean, this guy is corporate america'’s primo problem-solver.

He gets cornered, and he thinks his way out of it.

I didn'’t know, but papal link was his baby.

Papal what?

Selling corporate sponsorships

of the pope'’s Latin American tour.

Remember the shot?

The pope with a can of mountain dew in his hand?

That was caine'’s idea?

My Pepsi stock jumped 14 points in 2 weeks.

Desmond caine is my hero!

14 points.

Allow me.

[TV reporter] Corporate superstar or love-crazed killer?

Who is the real Desmond caine?

Here to offer a window into his bizarre world

is caine'’s attorney and confidante, Lena savage.

Miss savage, if caine did not commit

this heinous murder-dismemberment

of his fiancee'’s wheelchair-bound lover,

how do you explain his suicide attempt?

Clearly, my client is a deeply tortured soul, mired in self-hatred.

However, I cannot and will not confirm any allegations

about a secret homosexual lifestyle

and episodes of childhood incest.

Please assess for US, if you will,

your client'’s liability in the death of building contractor Joe katsartis.

Who?

The man crushed under the scaffold dislodged during the suicide plunge.

Oh! Well, as Mr. Caine'’s legal bills

incurred by any murder trial and subsequent appeals

are years from resolution,

I think it would be premature of me

to speculate on the prospect of my fellow creditors at this time.

[Reporter] A 49-year-old...

Corn starts today up 40 cents a bushel.

Hey.

Didn'’t know you were such a farm freak.

White man.

Easy. This guy'’s fucked up on something.

No, he'’s asleep. He does that.

He sleeps with his eyes open.

Duncan.

Relax.

Relax. I went down to the snow white to find you.

We'’re thinking maybe you didn'’t kill magik.

Why is that?

We haven'’t gotten that far yet.

I think I have. Joe katsartis.

Him, we know. And we know he had paint under his fingernails.

Did you match it against the paint at 2320 astor?

We did. It'’s a match.

Before Joe died, he called me at my office.

He said udo was trying to screw him.

What do you think that means?

I Don'’t know.

I do.

When I heard Joe'’s name on the news, I started thinking.

He had a partner named Howard kasparian.

They were building contractors together.

Udo was the assistant mortgage loan officer at a bank,

so they must have worked on some of udo'’s properties.

Now, who do you think owns 2320 astor?

Midcity trust. I checked that, too.

Now, let'’s assume Joe and Howard killed udo. Why?

Life insurance?

Really? Who the fuck ever put their contractor down

as a beneficiary on their life insurance?

Thank you.

Now, maintenance contracts on these properties are worth millions.

So they gave udo a smear?

Many smears. Udo must have been trying to screw them.

So they killed him on one of the bank properties,

so that if there was any problem,

it would just look like normal maintenance work.

But why would Joe confess to you?

My ass was on the line. I was the logical one for Joe to call.

Myrek zienkiewicz.

Excuse me?

The dead guy at cinema polska.

Don'’t even mention that place.

You go there?

I did, till a rat ran across my foot.

Wow.

Anyway.

I'’m still working on that.

So all we have to do is find Howard kasparian and we'’re home free.

Not exactly.

What, exactly?

I just can'’t stop thinking about that foot!

These guys were contractors.

So?

So, did you look at the foot?

I'’ll tell you what.

I'’m going to udo's funeral this afternoon to check license plates.

If I see Howard there, i'’ll have him call you.

You can ask him yourself.

Nice work, dunc.

I'’m going to get you on jeopardy.

There'’s a conflict.

What'’s that?

I used to write the questions.

I'’ll bet you did.

So, you want to stick around?

And do what?

You'’re a smart boy. Think of something.

I'’m a bond girl again.

Want to step into the bedroom?

[Car tires screech]

Is my aggressive behavior freaking you out?

Well, Don'’t get too much of a swelled head.

I mean, you'’ve seen the kind of guys i'’m around every night,

not to mention the little brain tumor

that sent my optic nerve packing.

They got most of it.

And, uh...

It'’s enhanced my sense of touch.

I'’m a philosopher.

I realized I no longer have to hold out for the guys in the underwear ads.

I happen to think I look pretty good in underwear.

Well, Einstein, now'’s your chance

to bring a little eyesight to the blind.

Desmond.

Oh, hey.

I hear I missed a lot of excitement.

Oh, no. That'’s all been straightened out.

Doesn'’t surprise me.

What did I tell you this morning, huh?

This guy ever killed anybody,

he'’d be too clever to take the rap.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

Excuse US.

What'’s up?

Uh...

Well, I think I know a little bit more

about you and randi than I need to.

You know what I mean?

You ought to see the videos.

Right.

Anyway, uh...

I was thinking, maybe--

because kick told me you were agitated

on the phone yesterday when you talked to her, so--

I didn'’t talk to her yesterday.

You didn'’t?

I'’d like to.

You know, kick'’s been bugging randi

to come over for a three-way with her girlfriend.

What are you talking about?

Well, rumor has it she'’s been doing

some married chick for months.

Kick'’s into women?

Yeah.

But you and I, we'’re okay?

I'’ll tell you what.

Why Don'’t you, me and kick go over to randi'’s one night,

shoot some videos, and we'’ll talk about it?

Where'’s your girlfriend?

She'’s not my girlfriend.

So you tell me,

where'’d she get the crippled plates?

Excuse me?

Her license plates.

If she'’s screwing some gimp for '’em,

tell her i'’ll make her a better offer.

[Laughing]

Desmond.

Thank god this is over with. We all knew you had nothing--

where'’s kick?

She'’s not here. She's taking a personal day.

Is she at home?I Don'’t know.

You should call her. I'’m sure she'd be glad--

Vicki.

What'’s kick's girlfriend'’s name?

Desmond, I really Don'’t think that'’s any of your business.

Vicki.

Is it you?

No, it'’s not me.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Yes, i'’m sure.

Okay. I was with her one time after work,

but i'’m not her girlfriend.

Who is?

I Don'’t know.

All right, let'’s try an easy one.

Her brother-- where does he live? The med student.

Well, technically, he'’s not a med student anymore.

He got thrown out of school last year

for selling pharmaceuticals under the table.

But I Don'’t know where he is.Forget it.

Brett Birmingham. Thank you.

Keep the change.

[Beeps]

Hi, this is Brad. No one'’s here right now.

You can leave a message and i'’ll get back to you later.

[Beep]

♪♪

Lord, as you accept...

Udo magik

into the cradle of your bosom...

[Cell phone ringing]

[Ringing stops]

Belladonna. This is Desmond caine.

I just saw udo magik. He'’s alive.

Sure he is.

That'’s why I'm at his funeral

staring at a box with his foot in it.

He can be alive without a foot.

I just saw him. He was staring at me

out of an apartment window.

You'’re repeating yourself. I'’m hanging up now. Bye-bye.

[Dial tone]

Sorry.

Lord, as you accept udo magik

into the cradle of your bosom,

we ask that you look down upon those gathered here today...

We'’re in town for the dairy farmers'’ convention.

Yeah, I got 300 head up in Minnesota.

Yeah. 300 head. So anyways,

we were just gonna have a little dinner,

and this guy runs up and snatches my purse.

Yeah, just grabs it.Just grabs it.

Yeah, just like that.

And I was so stunned I didn'’t know what to say.

I didn'’t say anything. I just stood there.

Caine, you okay?

You okay?Udo'’s alive.

I saw him.Right, in a window.

That'’s where you saw him murdered.

That'’s where you saw him come back to life.

Do US both a favor. Go home. Look through your own window.

Find your bed, crawl into it, and go to sleep.

It'’s too late for this.

What time is it?

9:30. Sergeant says you been here for hours.

Yeah, that'’s right. I'’ve been waiting for you.

I need police protection.From who?

Kick.

I wasn'’t supposed to see udo alive.

Now they have to kill me."They"? So now there'’s a connection?

Yes. Handicapped plates.

Kick doesn'’t need them, but she has them.

Why? Because she'’s driving udo's car.

So you'’re telling me

that not only was he doing your girlfriend...

[Car engine revving]

But he was doing your assistant?

[Car engine revving]

No. Udo'’s wife, Gloria majik, is doing my assistant.

[Tires screeching]

I'’d pay to see that.

Listen to me.

Kick had my first assistant, Alma, killed...

Because she wanted to get her job

so she could watch me and get inside my head

and learn my routine so that they could use me as a witness

when they faked udo'’s murder.

Why?life insurance.

You were right.

The contractors must have had a piece of the action.

So when that whole thing happened with me and the watch,

everybody must have got a little nervous and scared

that they were gonna get blamed for udo'’s murder.

Is that why they knocked you off the roof?

That was kick. Alma must have told her

how much I loved it up there.

So she just waited around and followed me,

and then pushed me over.

The contractor kasparian--

he was the one who probably tried to kill me at the movies.

[Coughs]Oh, my god! He'’s having an orgasm!

Do me a favor, darling.

You have to call the police station

and ask for detective belladonna.

And get this whole thing straightened out,

because there'’s people out there trying to kill me.

Oh, Desmond, you'’re way over-stressed.

Nobody'’s trying to kill you.

He'’s probably out of the country by now.

Udo, kick, and Gloria, they can'’t leave

until the insurance pays.

You gotta go by kick'’s brother's apartment.

Udo is there.

I saw him.

Why would she drag her brother into this?

Insurance doesn'’t pay without a body.

They need that foot for the DNA match.

You saw the foot.

It was definitely cut with some kind of surgical tool.

[Saw buzzing]

Kick'’s brother went to med school.

This is the address. Brett Birmingham.

And you'’re sure about all this?

No.

But the pieces almost fit together.

Why else would udo be at Brett Birmingham'’s apartment?

Go home, des.

I gotta make a few calls, and i'’ll swing by later.

Okay. You sure you Don'’t need any,

you know, backup or something?

Positive. Okay. All right.

But wait a second. What about me?

I'’m gonna take a look, and i'’ll call you.

If it checks out, we'’ll protect you.

We'’re done.

Could I get your home number just in case?

I'’d rather die.

Chaney.

Chaney, where are you going?

You want to know where i'’m going?

Did you tell me where you were going as you ran away,

while I was pinned under a murdered pervert

who had just used me as a playboy magazine?

You asshole.

I did not enter into a covenant with my body

just to have you give me aids or syphilis or--

what are you talking about?

Your undwerwear was in a ziploc bag in the trash.

You went through the trash?

No.

Actually, the janitor knocked on our door.

He said you'’d thrown it in with the recycling.

Chaney, i'’m sorry.

Oh, come on, Desmond. You'’re not sorry.

The whole blue bag/ brown bag thing

has been going on for three years.

Not about that.

About being with another woman.

Yeah, so am I.

I'’m sorry for me, i'’m sorry for her,

and i'’m sorry for you, because you'’ve just wrecked

your last chance to have a normal relationship.

But what do you care

when you'’ve got women coming out of the woodwork?

I Don'’t understand.

Oh, Don'’t play dumb with me.

Vicki called.

She said the name you want is Gloria.

Then Gloria'’s the one.

Too bad. It could have been me.

Oh, and please get that recycling thing figured out.

It'’s my planet, too, you know.

[Gunfire]

♪♪ [Disco]

They'’re trying to kill me!

Hey, des!

Listen. I was right about kick and Gloria.

They just tried to kill me. I need some protection.

Fuck '’em!

[Toot]

What the hell'’s going on here?

Oh, just a little party.

A $21 million party!

[Cheering]

I couldn'’t have done it without you.

1-1-4-2-5. That'’s Brett Birmingham'’s address.

The address plus my birthday.

You always gotta play your birthday.

You won the lottery off of someone trying to kill me?

You the man, des.

You the man.

Listen to me.

You got to put the word out on a red Mercedes

with handicapped plates.

[Laughing]

Des, I Don'’t have to do Jack shit.

I quit the force at 10:01.

Who'’s on my case?

Right now, you'’re it.

The captain'’s gone. Come by tomorrow morning.

He'’ll stick somebody on it.

How about it, des? 21 mil!

[Cheering]

Hey, maybe i'’ll start my own thing

and you can be my...

My market manifest facilitator.

Hey, help me up, Sammy.

[Cheering]

♪ Yeah sleep overloads the body ♪

♪ but now i'’m wide awake ♪

Hey, guys, you know the Bible,

the miracles, all this religious stuff,

it'’s full of secret sexual symbolism.

Biblical scholars are animals.

Here, take the parting of the red sea, for example.

If this is gonna be

like that chihuahua with down syndrome story--

Abe, unless you'’ve got a veterinarian degree on the wall,

you can kiss my ass.

Now. Red sea symbolizes Egyptian women.

Open up for the Jews.

Close for the Egyptian.

That'’s why the arabs hate the Jews.

Hey, america'’s most wanted.

Oh, hell, Moses and the burning bush.

Now even a child could figure that one out,

it'’s so goddamn simple.

Hey, Duncan, how are you?

Hey, white man.

What do you know about the crown of thorns?

Couldn'’t tell you.

Well, think about it.

All those pictures of Jesus, right?

There'’s always a different number of thorns.

There'’s 9, sometimes 13, 27.

Huh?

Anybody?

There'’s a Thorn

for every woman the artist fucked in his village.

Skay, you'’re really going to hell for that one.

Warm up the bed, w.D. I'’m on my way.

Here'’s another one.

What'’s the significance

of Mary being a virgin

and the sheep'’s in the manger?

Huh?

Come on, white man, you should know this one.

What, are you dead over there?

No, wait, he'’s asleep.

Hell, he really does that shit, doesn'’t he?

[Laughs]

Even when you'’re looking at him.

Let'’s fuck with him.

Okay, need you to put your hands on your heads now.

Please. Nobody move.

Please, Don'’t shoot.

Honey, you picked the wrong place to Rob.

This ain'’t a robbery, skay.

Shut up. Everybody shut up. That'’s enough talking.

I'’ll take the shotgun.

Give it to him. Tell him if anybody tries to get out

or come in, to use it.

Go. It'’s almost over.

Well, well, well.

Third time'’s a charm, huh?

Don'’t hit the window.

Why do I have to kill him?

'’cause I fucked it up twice. Call me superstitious, okay?

Any time.

Today, please.

[Dog barking]

Told you we'’d be back.Hey, who the hell is this?

Shut up, bitch.[Barking]

Go!

[Dog whimpering]

You lousy bitch.

You shot my dog again.

What is it with this fucking place?

Hey, chill. She'’s got a gun. Let'’s go, man.

Come on, let'’s get the fuck outta here!

[Dog whines]

Well, I guess udo'’s gotta be pissed.

First his foot, and now his wife.

And I Don'’t think he'’s gonna be collecting

his share of the insurance money.

I guess i'’m the only problem you have.

Had.

You'’re not gonna shoot me, kick.

I'’m sorry, Desmond.

Is that the cop'’s gun?

That'’s right.

Well, then, she'’s not gonna shoot me, is she, babe?

No. She won'’t.

[Laughs] Oh, is he gonna stop me?

Gee, Desmond, I guess you'’re not as smart as I thought.

[Gunshot]

Told you I had a gun.

You didn'’t have to kill her.

Oh, no?

The other night I put five shots in the dog.

She just put the last one in Gloria.

She was out of bullets.

She had it coming.

Pokey, grilled cheese.

Was it worth it?

[Scoffs]

What have I lost?

A foot?

A wife?

A lousy job at a bank?

[Sighs]

You see, Desmond,

that little drama the other night

when I burst into your life

was merely the punctuation Mark

for a death i'’d come to embrace

a long time ago.

As we all do.

Would be a shame to see those plates go to waste.

We should have listened to kick.

She wanted you a part of it.

She said you had something...

Something.

You could see what others Don'’t.

Sometimes.

So that'’s it?

You'’re just gonna pack it all up and head--

there'’s nothing to pack.

Toss it all.

Thanks, McCoy.

[Beep] Desmond, i'’ve taken my clothes, my cds, and the juicer.

Everything else is yours.

Taped to the refrigerator is a tally

of what everything is worth

plus my share of equity in the condo.

You can send a check to my office.

If my parents try to contact you,

please tell them you'’ve been diagnosed

with testicular cancer

and prefer to live out your remaining months alone.

Good luck, Desmond.

I'’ll always miss the person you might have been.

[Beep]

[Keys rattle]

This is a nice place, dunc.

You mean Desmond.

Oh.

By the way,

where'’d you get w.D.?

My fourth grade teacher.

What'’s it mean?

Wet dream.

Works for me.

Closed-captioned by j.R. Media services, inc. Burbank, ca

♪ driving on the road in my El camino ♪

♪ day is done

♪ I sweat my parking lot suntan ♪

♪ nothing to lose

♪ there'’s nowhere to go ♪

♪ no one to love

♪ no one to hold

♪ driving down the gorge in my El camino ♪

♪ my El camino

♪ yeah, staring at the road

♪ looking to the sun

♪ sunshine to sunshine

♪ looking for my sun road

♪ and all I see is ufos

♪ Burning the bridge in my El camino ♪

♪ Take you stab, take your stab ♪

♪ at being alive

♪♪ [indistinct chanting]

♪ Sitting on the curb in my El camino ♪

♪ Tijuana sunset

♪ Mexican bungalow

♪ nothing to lose

♪ nothing to show

♪ no one to trust

♪ nothing to hold

♪ nothing to hold

♪ Rising on each side

♪ where does the beat side?

♪ Cruising down the freeway in a car worth a g-note ♪

♪ blue as the sky

♪ nowhere to hide

♪ hop in the car

♪ and come for a ride

♪ heading for Nevada in my El camino ♪

♪ passing through roswell

♪ area 51

♪ area 51

♪ go down to the village down by the road ♪

♪ rising on each side

♪ where is the beach side?

♪ Yeah, lost on the road

♪ in sausalito

♪ riding on the road in my El camino ♪

♪ day is done

♪ I sweat my parking lot suntan ♪

♪ nothing to lose

♪ nowhere to go

♪ no one to love

♪ no one to hold

♪ driving down the gorge in my El camino ♪

♪ my El camino

♪ yeah, tearing up the road

♪ looking through the sun

♪ sunshine to sunshine

♪ looking for my sun road

♪ and all I see is ufos

♪ riding on the road in my El camino ♪

♪ day is done

♪ I sweat my parking lot suntan ♪

♪ nothing to lose

♪ nowhere to go

♪ no one to love

♪ no one to hold