All language subtitles for 3 - A Bird in the Hand-eng

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

HAROLD: Come on.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT)

DEALER:
Thirty-four red.

HAROLD: Let's get ready.

Okay, baby.

Come on,
come on, come on.

See that seven, okay.
Let's see that seven.

MAN: Craps.
Snake eyes.
Oh.

Sir.

(BELL RINGING)

I'm in.
What have you got?

(CHATTERING)

Mr. Hacker!
What brings you
down to Vegas?

Game on tonight?

Friend of mine
said he spotted...

a guy here.

Guy? Well,
maybe I can help.

What the hell?
Where'd he go?

The gentleman
sitting there,

he'll be back
in a minute, sir.

Forgot to make
a phone call.

I'm keeping an eye
on his winnings
for him.

Is it McCain that
you're looking for?
Harold McCain?

Sir, I don't think
you should...

His winnings?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

How much
did he owe you?

None of your
damn business.

But I'll bet you people
give him credit, too.

Well, it's courtesy
of the house, maybe,
considering who he is.

Come on!
All right.

But I know he's
given the boss
some solid tips

about some
football games.

I mean, his uncle
being who he is,

anyone that close
to the horse's mouth,
to Big Fred himself.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN HONKING)

Slow down,
you dumb blasted...

Well,
wouldn't
you know.

Uncle Fred.

Hey, Uncle Fred!
Hey!

Fred!

Hey, what the hell's
the matter with you,
huh?

What, are you
going deaf?

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)

Can't you even jog
where there's sidewalks?

Hey, will you turn
those damn things...

Get your hands off,
I can hear you!
All right, all right!

Well, what brings
you back?

They throw you out
of Tijuana?

No horses running
at Caliente?

Or did you get bit
in the dogfights
in Arizona?

Take it easy,
will ya?

Well, where have
you been?

Dolores has
been worried,
I don't know why.

San Francisco.

Public relations firm
up there I may go
to work for.

Why didn't you
just stay up there?

Go get 'em.

Stay after something
for once in your life?

So, I came back to
get my laundry, okay?

Pick up my mail
at my shack.

Maybe see the game
this afternoon?
Any objection?

Harold, you're not
in trouble again.

Because if you are,

you can damn well
put the bite
on somebody else!

For God's sake!
Give me a little
credit, will ya?

All right, you can
stick around a while,

a couple of days
if you have to.

Just so long
as you understand,

nothing has changed here,
including my mind.

(SIGHS)
So, you're still
sore at me, huh?

What, so we had a...
So, we fought a little bit
last week.

You better get
your heap out of here

before somebody
creams it.

Come on, I'll give
you a ride. Come on.

Uncle Fred!

FRED: (SINGING)
Cheer, cheer
for old Notre Dame

(FAUCET RUNNING)

Wake up the echoes
cheering her name

Send a volley
cheer on high...

Harold!

Hey, I see Big Fred
finally got his
baby carriage.

Oh, Harold, I've been
so worried about you...

Lousy license, though.

Stallions number one.

They're 0-6!

Doesn't he know
there's fans out there

that would shoot at
a plate like that?

Oh, he'd just think
it was funny,
or shoot back maybe.

It's all part
of the game.

Harold, those people that
you're in trouble with,

you don't think that they...
Hey, I don't know
what they'd do

and I don't intend
to find out.

Oh, my poor baby.
Drink some orange juice.

Oh.

That's a little
strong for me.

Hey, you. Watch it.

The gardener's
here already.
Didn't you notice?

Fernando is not
just a gardener.

But he is starting to
prune the back hedge today.

The one way back.

And there's
no one else
in the house.

Fred's probably in
the shower by now.

Hey, look.

Yeah, I talked
to Fred already,
Dolores.

He hasn't changed
his mind, has he?

About throwing me out
or cutting me off
any way he can.

Well, unless
you can persuade him

that you've
given up gambling

and your other
little vices.

He wasn't always
so damn pure.

He didn't always own
a football team,
Harold.

He really can't let
people think that
he's even...

(HICCUPPING)

...remotely
mixed up in...
Yeah, well, I will quit.

I told you, okay?
Just as soon
as I catch up, okay?

And I might have, too,
if it wasn't...

God! It stinks!

Just forget it.

(EXHALES)

How much did you
round up for me?

I'm afraid $20,000
is all I can manage

without Fred
finding out.
Oh, God.

But my pink
pearls...

He never notices
whether I wear
them or not.

He never notices
anything anymore.
No, Dolores.

I got a couple
better ideas.

Oh, Harold, promise me
that you won't do
anything desperate.

Oh, but I might.

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(COMMENTATOR CHATTERING ON PA)

There! You see that?
That's a late hit.

Bertie, get me
the replay guy!

They won't
take calls in
the replay...

They'll take
mine, damn it!

Here, Honey,
hit me again,
will ya?

Sure will,
honey.
(LAUGHS)

CHRIS: Haven't done
well against the Elks'
defensive secondary.

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

Is that the Stallions
kicking team?

Hey, look,
we're going
to kick!

On third down?

Get me the bench!
I'm already
trying.

Tell 'em
to pass!
Pass!

You can't
pass without
a quarterback.

Why didn't
you buy me
a better backup?

We're only
down by 12,
Uncle Fred.

We're 18-point underdogs.
We're beating the spread.

That's something.

FRED: Yeah.
Well, spreads are for
losers like you, kid.

Me, I like to win.

CHRIS: Back to pass
on first down.

And he has ground open
in the end zone!

Touchdown!
DON: Touchdown!

CHRIS: I think
that may be all
for the Stallions

this afternoon, Don.

If Garcia's
extra point is good,

that'll put the Stallions
down by 19.

This looks
like a wrap, Don.

DON: I think
you're right, Chris.

Wait a minute,
there's activity on
the Stallions' sideline.

That's who I think it is,
but I don't expect

we'll see him any
this afternoon.

CHRIS: Now,
it's the Elks to kick off

and it's caught
at the 10-yard line by Banks

and he is to
the 31-yard line.

First-and-ten,
Stallions.

Look! It's him!
It's Clyde!

(LAUGHING)

DOLORES: Who?

Oh, Clyde!
Clyde Windowski!

Our number one pick.
Hasn't really played
much yet.

Oh, Mrs. McCain,
he's the most gorgeous
hunk you ever saw.

Only he's had this
terrible twisted ankle.

He sure looks cured
to me! (LAUGHS)

CHRIS:
Touchdown, Stallions!

The extra point
is good.
(FRED LAUGHING)

Stallions now
trail by 12.

(FRED EXCLAIMS)

CHRIS: Now,
receiving the kick-off
for the Stallions

and it is dropped!

That's Crawford
scrambling to recover.

And he's got the ball!
Touchdown, Stallions!

(EXCLAIMING)

(FRED LAUGHING)

BERTIE:
Kid is good.

CHRIS: We might have
a real upset on our hands.
(FRED EXCLAIMS)

Davis back to pass,
looking for Cartwright.
Intercepted!

(FRED EXCLAIMING)

He has Ashcroft out
of the backfield.

Touchdown,
Stallions!

They've done it!

They've come
from behind!
(ALL CHEERING)

Harold! Did you
see me, buddy?

How about that?
I did it, man!
We won!

Oh, wait till
my mother hears
about this.

Did you see me?
Did I see you?

What the hell
happened?

I thought you said
you couldn't
possibly play.

I thought you said
the doctors said
you couldn't...

Sure, but
you know what?

I stuffed
some extra pills
at halftime.

When I get 'em to poke
and twist at me,
I didn't even blink.

I didn't
feel it! Hey!
You damn fool.

I don't care
what it feels
like tomorrow.

Now they know
what I can do.

Now they can't
drop me!

Jeez, buddy,
you didn't bet on
the game, did you?

Get out
of here.

Idiot!

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Who is this?

Three guesses.

McCain, this is
the seventh time
I've called

and it's gonna be
my last.

Hey, Hacker!

(LAUGHING) Hey,
I'm glad you got me.

Hey look, I'm sorry
I had to cut out on
you the other night,

but I had to come hold
my uncle's hand.

Anyway, I told him
about you.
You what?

(CAT MEOWING)
Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Just want you to know
that he's gonna help out.

Everything's
gonna be fine.

HACKER:
I don't believe you!

Big Fred would
take your head off
if he knew.

We can't talk about
this on the phone.
You know that.

But, hey,
I'll be up next week

and we'll straighten
everything out.

You better,
if you wanna stay
in one piece.

HAROLD:
Where the hell is it?

BERTIE: Harold?
Bertie!

Hey, what's up?
Where are you?

BERTIE: Surf club,
where I'm supposed to be.

Coaches' breakfast.
Only where's your uncle?

I thought
you might know.

I've been calling
the house for 45 minutes,

but there's no answer,
not even Dolores.

Hey, Bertie,
I don't know,

I mean, he's gotta be
on his way. Where else
could he be?

Look at your watch.
He's an hour late.

Harold,
I've never known him
to be late anywhere.

Well, maybe
he had a flat tire
or something.

But, hey...
(CHUCKLES)

Sure, I'll check!

Thanks.
Yeah.

OFFICER: Keep moving.

Keep it going.

Keep it moving.

(CHATTERING)

BYSTANDER: They say a jogger
just got hit over there.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

Hey, what happened?

They say a jogger
got hit by a car.

A definite
hit-and-run.

All right, come on,
keep it moving.

Harold!

Quick! Harold!

(DOLORES SOBBING)

They're taking him
to the hospital.

You have to
come with me.

Oh, thank God
you're here.

It's her husband?
Big Fred McCain?

We just brought her over
from their house.

Well, how badly hurt is he?

They found him lying
in the street over there

next to that
broken glass.

He's been dead maybe
an hour, they say.

Dangerous place to jog.

Hold it!

That's all right, Charlie.
That's Mrs. McCain
and Big Fred's nephew.

Listen, don't let
anybody else in, okay?

I'll be back in a
couple minutes.

I'll tell you how
to handle everything.

All right, Dolores.
Come on.

Let's get you
in the house.

Come on.
Okay. Okay.

Here you go.

What the hell?

Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?

Oh, excuse me, sir,
I was...

I was just looking
for the registration.

Yeah, well,
who the hell are you?
Get out!

It's all right, sir.
I'm only the police.

Hey, that's
Mrs. McCain,
isn't it?

Oh, that poor lady.

From the police,
ma'am.

I'm Lieutenant
Columbo.

Columbo?
Yes, ma'am,

but you can
call me
Lieutenant.

I'll get out
of your way.

Lieutenant?
But if there's
anything I can do...

Does that mean
you're in charge of
those guys out there?

Well, sir,
not exactly, no.

This is my husband's
nephew, Harold.

Oh, yes. I've seen
your picture too, sir,
maybe in the Enquirer.

I'm sorry I startled you
by looking in the car.
No problem.

It's just a funny
place to park.
It's okay.

Come on, Dolores.
Come on.

Let me get you
into the house.

You know, Fred...

My husband
must have moved it
there last night.

He does that sometimes,
when he's gonna leave
early in the morning.

He knows that
I like to sleep late
and that garage door...

It's not
important,
Dolores.

It's not
important.
No, no, no.

The car
is not
important.

Come on. Let me get
you out of the heat,
all right?

Yeah, all right.

You can come
into the house, too,
if you like, Lieutenant.

No, sir, I think
I'll stay here.

Sergeant Duran!

I think she can
help you better than
I can at this point.

And if there's
any questions,

I'll direct them
to you, Mr. McCain.
Fine.

Could you help
the lady in,
sergeant?

Of course.

It's all right, sir,
you can go in.

I won't need you
just yet.

I'll be in
in a minute,
Dolores.

Hey, why would you
need me at all?

Your job here is
to keep people away,
isn't it?

Oh, the traffic boys,
they handle that.

No, sir, I'm just
waiting for more
of my crew.

Look at that.
Even the tires
are custom.

Oh, I don't mind
admitting, sir,

this buggy
sure caught my eye.

See, I got
a foreign car, too.

It's French.

I don't know if
you noticed it.

It's parked down there
in the street?

No, I didn't.
Oh.

What is your job,
Lieutenant?

Homicide.

On a hit-and-run
case?

Oh, don't let that
worry you, sir.

And particularly
not Mrs. McCain.

But the violent death
of anyone as well-known
as Big Fred,

we gotta
look into it,

just to make
double-triple sure,
that's all.

Besides, our chief...

He's the biggest
Stallions fan
in Los Angeles,

if you understand
what I'm saying.

I guess so.
Yeah.

That's your
crew now, right?

No, no, no, no.
That's the accident
detail.

There must be
a dozen of 'em

in the neighborhood
by now.

But, you know,
I was just thinking.

When the people start
trampling around here,

we don't want 'em
poking into this.

There's gotta be some
button you can push
to lock the doors.

Yeah, that's
a good idea.

Yeah, this was
Uncle Fred's
pride and joy.

Yeah.
And if we have
to move it,

I'm sure
we can find a key.

Okay, there's his.
Now, where's hers?

Oh, damn it,
Dolores.

(CLANKING)

Early? You say
you got here early?

Oh, si.
Still dark.

I'm pruning a hedge
in the back.

COLUMBO:
Did you see anybody?

That early?
(SCOFFS)

Nobody gets up that early
in this neighborhood.

Except after
a while.

Mr. McCain,
he is always
the first jogger.

Did you talk
with him?

No. We just waved
to each other,
that's all.

And where
was that?

Across
the back street.

He come around the block.
In the front, I guess.

Mostly he goes
the same way.

Around and around
the empty streets.

Always alone.

Now, excuse me,
I take these things
to my truck.

Wait, Fernando.
I didn't see a truck.

Where'd you park?

I park out in the street.

That's the way it is
when he parks his car
in the driveway.

(CHUCKLING)

Where's Columbo?

I can't get him
on his beeper?
Where is he?

OFFICER: Sir.
ROBERTSON: Columbo.

Get him on your horn.

OFFICER: (ON BULLHORN)
Lieutenant Columbo, sir.

Detective Robertson
is here.

If you can hear me
please answer your beeper.

You wanna bet
he doesn't even
carry one?

OFFICER:
Lieutenant Columbo,
can you hear me, sir?

Detective Robertson
is here.

Now, in the driveway.

(YELLING IN SPANISH)

Lieutenant!
Lieutenant Columbo!

Sir, you... Sir!
(CONTINUES YELLING
IN SPANISH)

My truck!
Lieutenant!

Lieutenant, they...

My truck!
My truck is gone!

They stole
my truck!

Not only my lawn mower
and my blower, my tools,

even the whole truck!

All right, now,
take it easy,
Fernando.

Maybe somebody
just moved it.

No, sir. I was
the first one here,

and I didn't see
anything parked
out there.

What kind of truck
was it?

Not so new.

The license is
54J-647?

That's mine.
Have you seen it?

Ditched it in an alley
about four blocks down.

That's what I came up here
to tell you, Columbo.

It's got a few dents,
a busted headlight,

some spots that
might be blood.

They're loading it
on a flatbed now
to take downtown.

(GASPS) Blood! No!
It couldn't be my truck,
the one that...

Can you reach him
on your radio?

Any reason why
they can't swing
around this way?

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

That's it!
That's my truck!

That's it!
That's mine!

You can
get up there,
Fernando.

Just don't
touch anything.

What do you want him
to look for?

Anything
that's missing
or different.

We'll check
the blood spots.

Oh, Mr. McCain!

I thought
you should know

Mrs. McCain's feeling

The pills
seem to help.

She'd like to see you,
I think, when you can.

Oh, yeah,
of course.

When I can.

In an area like this,
gardeners hate
to park their rigs

on the street.

We get 50 calls a week
at Robbery.

It's mostly kids,
hard up newcomers,

immigrants,
that do the stealing.

Hoping to set themselves up
in business as gardeners.

Only, in this case,
whoever stole that rig

must've hit Big Fred.
He panicked.

He dumped the truck.
He ran with whatever
he could carry.

Is that what
you're saying?

Well, aren't you?

Well, I guess so,
if the blood type
matches.

Well, come on,
I'll give you a ride
down to the lab.

We'll have this thing
wrapped in no time flat.

Oh, I've got
my own car.

I'll meet you there.

(HORN HONKING)

Lieutenant?

They said I should
check in with you.

That's him.

You're
the Lieutenant?
Lieutenant!

This is Bertie Sopkowitz.

He's the general manager
for the Stallions.

This is Lieutenant Columbo.

Hey, look,
I gotta get
my car outta here.

You mind backing up
a little, sir?
(HORN HONKS)

You have
to stop
there, boys!

Hey! Hey,
wait a minute.

Officer, they can't
come in here.

BERTIE: It's okay,
Lieutenant,

just a pool camera
from our own network.

Nothing released
until you say so.

They got clearance
from downtown, sir.

BERTIE: You know,
Big Fred loved publicity.

That's the least
we can do for him now.

Only can't we
get rid of this
traffic jam?

What's in the way?
Uh, the Rolls.

Well, Harold,
can't you move
the Rolls?

DURAN:
Oh, Mrs. McCain thought
it should be moved, too,

but she couldn't
find her keys.

She's still
so confused.

She's looking for
her husband's keys now.

I have one key.

For when I wash it.
I'll move it.

(LAUGHING)

COLUMBO: Oh,
that'll loosen it up.

Once he gets it
out of here
we'll be all right.

I hope so.
A couple
more cars,

we'll be
backed out
the gate.

Fernando!
Put it in the garage!

Si, senor.
Right away.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

COLUMBO: Mr. McCain,
look at this.

HAROLD: Scratch marks.

COLUMBO: That's right.
And they're fresh,

and we just happened
to notice

that they seem
to be pointed toward

the blast area there,
under the front seat.

So, what are they?
What made 'em?
You know?

I don't know.

Maybe they were
already here.

Maybe there's
no connection.

You see the truth is,
I can't really tell
which way they're pointed,

and of course,
that pipe bomb...

Pipe bomb?

That could blow things
in any direction.

You sure that's
what it was?

Oh, yeah. The lab's
already confirming it.

They even got the formula
for the powder they used.

A pipe bomb, that's
a pretty sophisticated
weapon, isn't it?

Well, some of 'em.
They can be
pretty simple.

Like this was a kind
that's been used
in the Middle East,

and they have articles
with diagrams in magazines.

You might have seen
one of these magazines
yourself in a...

Oh, I don't know,
a barber shop, maybe?

No, my hairdresser
only supplies music,
Lieutenant.

What about fingerprints?
They find any?

On a door, maybe?
Or the hood?
Underneath somewhere?

As a matter of fact, no.
Not a single one.

But then, they tell me
the car was just washed.

But there wouldn't be any
fingerprints, would there?

Because a pro would
have wore gloves, right?

Yes, sir,
I guess he would.

Yeah.
And who else but a pro
could have gotten in here

to even plant
the bomb?

Now, you said that
there was no obvious
signs of break-in.

Now, with all
those seeing eyes
in the fences,

and the triple locks
on the gates,

security patrol
cars outside.

I tell you something.

Take a real expert
to break into this place.

Oh, I agree, sir.
You got it figured right.

That's sure
the way it looks.

Looks?

That it came
from the outside.

A mob gangster,
that's what
you're saying.

Well, that's
the way it looks.

As opposed
to an acquaintance

that would come
from the inside.

What are you
getting at?

That someone who
knew the grounds

could figure out
a simpler way
to get in or out.

Yeah? Like how?

Oh, I don't know.
Maybe knowing
someplace to hide

before they locked
the security gates.

Huh.

Would you do me
a favor?

What?

Would you put
your thinking cap on

and come up with
names of people

who are familiar
with the grounds

and might have had
something against
Big Fred?

Listen, Lieutenant.
You know, I would love to
make this easy for you,

but unfortunately,
my Uncle Fred never left
me a list of his enemies.

And quite frankly,
right now I'm so busy

trying to get
my poor aunt through
this whole damn thing...

I appreciate that, sir.

But I gotta tell you
one little thing.

Sergeant Duran,
she came up with
something this morning

in that garbage can
out back there.

It's a pair of
cotton gloves.
They're dirty,

but they smell
of gasoline.

Now, do you think
that a real pro

would dump his gloves
in the garbage here?

DOLORES: Oh, those are
probably mine, Lieutenant.

Let me see.

Oh, well,
of course they are.

I threw those out
just the other day.
They're stinky.

I always carry
garden gloves like that
in my car,

for when I pump
my gasoline.

You do? I mean,
when you go to
a gasoline station

you pump your own?

Full service,
Lieutenant,

was invented
to cheat women
and old folks.

I don't like
to be cheated.

Harold, do you realize
what time it is?

We have arrangements
to make.

Yes, well, the Lieutenant
was just leaving, I think.

I guess...

I will be going now.

Bye-bye.
Excuse me.

(ORGAN PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Everything's gonna
be all right.
(SOBBING)

HAROLD: George.
Where are you?

Handkerchief.

George,
make sure the limo
and the driver

are out front
ready to go.

Please,
give us
some room.

Please,
clear,
please!

Someone get
the door.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

HAROLD: No! No! No! No!
No pictures!

She has nothing
to say!

Just let us through,
please.

Out of the way!

Out of the way!
Let us through, please!
(HONKING)

Out of the way!
It's okay, baby,
we got you.

HAROLD: Hey!

I got you, baby!
DOLORES: Oh!

REPORTER:
Mrs. McCain!

Get out of here.
Come on, come on.

Hey!
It's all right, everybody.
We got her.

Bye.

See you
at the wake!

COLUMBO: Oh,
that's pretty good
interference.

It sure looks like
she owns 'em now!

What is your problem?

I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't mean
anything.

Of course
she'll be approved!

She's Uncle Fred's
principal heir.

Well, I know that, sir.

His attorney,
that Bertie fella,
he told me that.

And I understand
that you're in
the will, too,

as his only
blood relative,

some sort of
a secondary
inheritor.

Is that all you have to say?
That you talked to him?

Excuse me.
I gotta tend bar
at a wake.

Bertie!
Harold.

Well, there's
our new owner.

BERTIE: Let's hope
it works out.

HAROLD: Yeah. This is
all new for her.

I'm not sure how
she's gonna handle it.

I just want
to tell you.

You have any problems
with her, you just come to me.

And between
the two of us,

I'll see to it
that you're able
to do the job

that I know that
you are capable of doing.

Right now, I'm gonna
get her out of here.

(CHUCKLING)
I think, she's had
a little too much.

(DOLORES LAUGHING)

Excuse me, fellas.

Fellas, Dolores.

I won't
forget you.

Wouldn't Fred
just love this?

I'm sorry. Wouldn't he
just die all over again
to be here?

That bastard.

Hey, guys, guys!
Come on, come on!
(MUSIC STOPS)

Ease up, will you?

No, no!
Now, don't stop that!
That's beautiful!

More! More!

(PIANO MUSIC RESUMES)
Dolores.

What's the matter
with you?

(SINGING)
Because of you

There's a song
in my heart.
Come on. No, no.

Let me get you outside.

Because of you

You think any
of those people
ever really liked him?

Of course.
Even I did.

Once.

Fred used to
sing me that song

while he danced
on my feet.

Can you just
give me that?
Excuse me, ma'am.

Could you tell me
where the bathroom is?

Dolores.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Thanks, boss.

(SIGHING) Some
of these characters.

Give me that.

You know
what you need?

You need some
fresh air and rest.

And when this
is all over,

I'm gonna take you
away from here.

Some place where
we can just...

Harold,

stop telling me
what to do.

Stop giving orders.

On you,
it sounds so silly.

Yeah, but it's true, honey.

Listen.

Listen, I can take care
of everything here for you.

I mean, Bertie and I
have already talked

about how
to handle the team.

So, that's what
you've been up to.

Harold,
for your information,
I'm gonna fire Bertie.

Fire? Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.
No, you can't do that.

Oh, yes,
I can.

I've been studying
his contract.

I want
a younger
man in there.

Besides, he may
be a good lawyer,

but as general manager
he's a wimp.

Dolores, you don't know
what you're saying.

Okay? You don't
know a damn thing
about football.

That's what you think.

And as for
running a business,

I was once Fred's
executive secretary,
remember?

I still do most
of his taxes.

Oh, darling,
don't look like that.

I want you to stay
just the way you are.

Don't go trying to be
the man of the family.

Please?

Don't you worry.
I won't ever kick
you out of bed.

(DOOR OPENING)

DOLORES: Yes, I think
it's time for champagne,
don't you?

Hold it.

Oh, Mrs. McCain
thought it should
be moved, too,

but she couldn't
find her keys.

She's still so confused.

She's looking for her
husband's keys now.

I have one key.
For when I wash it.

I'll move it.
(LAUGHING)

COLUMBO: (ON TV)
Oh, that'll loosen it up.

Once he gets it out of here,
we'll be all right.

BERTIE: (ON TV)
I hope so.

A couple of more cars,
we'll be backed out the gate.

COLUMBO: (ON TV)
Fernando! Put it
in the garage!

Si, senor. Right away.

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

(SCREAMING)

ROBERTSON: Wow.
That was too close
for comfort.

What are you doing
here, Columbo?

I thought you'd be
in Vegas or Tahoe
or Reno by now.

Wherever Big Fred
made his money,

maybe he made
big enemies.

Well, that's
mostly Vegas.

That's where he hung around
with all those mob guys.

No, just wanted to look
at that one more time.

Now, Duran said you got
several clues out
of Big Fred's office.

Possibly threats,
blackmail,
that kind of stuff.

Said the Feds are interested,
FBI maybe want into it.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, that's good,
isn't it?
Oh, yeah.

Me, I got nothing
or too much.

Looking for
a hit-and-run driver
in LA

is like looking
for an old straw
in a haystack.

It could be anybody,
the way they drive here.

All you gotta do is find
a killer whose bomb
killed the wrong guy.

That's right.
That's all I gotta do.

Well? What are you
doing here, Columbo?

I just decided I was
right in the first place.

What?

I'm staying here.

In the city
of the angels.

May I help you, sir?

Uh, just looking,
that's all.

Quite, I...

Um...

Could you show me
how you lift up the hood?

The usual way.

COLUMBO: Oh, from the inside!
(LAUGHS) Right!

Yeah! Should have
known that.

Was there any particular
part of the engine
you wished to look at?

Just the
distributor, please,

and maybe
the starter.

It has both.

Oh, yeah, there's the
distributor, right.

And that wire would go
right down through there.
Right.

Wire, sir?
What wire?

To the bomb.

Oh, excuse me.

I'm from the
police here.

You see, the car
that we got,
it's so messed up

that it's hard to
figure things out.

So, you don't mind
if I check out

a few things on
this car, do you?

Of course not, sir.
Anything to oblige.

Underneath too?

I'd like to look
underneath.

Perhaps in the
service center.

I'm sure there's a car
we can put up on the lift.

No, no, no, no.
This'd be fine.

(GRUNTING)

Is there anything
I could do to
help you, sir?

You don't happen to
have a pair of pliers?

Really, sir, no.
I certainly wouldn't.

Well, what about
that gentleman?

What gentleman?
Sir!

Sir, do you happen
to have a pair of pliers?

Pliers?

This what
you want?

Oh, that would be fine.
I'll return 'em.

Okay.

What do you intend
doing with those pliers?

(GRUNTING)
Oh, don't worry, sir.

The pliers will never
touch the car.

They'll never
touch the car?

(THUDDING)

(GROANING)

What happened?

Nothing serious, sir,
just my head.

(COLUMBO MUTTERING)

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I'm just saying
it can't work

because you can't
reach from here.

What won't work?
What are you doing?

Oh, just give me
a moment, sir.
Let me rethink this.

(SIGHS)

All right.
The wire started here
by the distributor,

came over to the bomb.

The bomb's about here,

but then the wire
went halfway

over to
the starter rod.

(COLUMBO GRUNTING)

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Here.

(GROANING)
This is as far as I can...
Can't go any further.

(SIGHS)

Oh, yeah.

Now you've done it.

Hmm!

Yeah, I did it.

And it wasn't easy,

but it's done! (CHUCKLING)

(GRUNTS) Oh, boy!

What are you doing?
I'm wiping up the marks

you made with
your heels.

Just look at this.

Hold it, sir. Hold it.
Don't touch those.

That's it!

That is it!

(LAUGHS) That's it!

Thank you very
much, sir!

(EXCLAIMS)

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(CAT MEOWING)

Hello.

HACKER: I just called
to say how...

Hacker! Damn it, I told you
never to call me here,
or anywhere else...

Hey, hey, come on.
Take it easy.

I was just reading
about your uncle's will.

I don't see
your name much.

Oh, for God's sake, Hacker!

You know, in due time
you'll get your...

No, no, no. I didn't
call about that.

I just called to say
how sorry I was

about Big Fred's death.

And to say you've
got two days.

That's 48 hours.

And then I want
my money!

(MUTTERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes.

HAROLD: Hi.

Well, hello.

You alone?

All alone.

You know what I'm doing?

No.

I'm lying down.

I'm on my bed.

I happen to be nude,

and I'm thinking of you.

Oh, for goodness sake.

(HAROLD LAUGHS)

When was the last time,
Mrs. Dolores McCain,

that we spent an afternoon
under the covers? Huh?

It's been a while.

Let's do it. Bees do it.

Even...
Even educated
fleas do it.

And are you available
later for dinner?

Chez Louis?

That's my favorite
restaurant.

I'm coming over right away.

I'll be there in a minute.

Don't get dressed.

(GIGGLES)
(DIAL TONE)

Oh, for goodness sake.

(COUNTRY MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)

Oh, Mr. McCain!
You're here!

Oh, boy,
what a happy coincidence.

Where the hell did
that come from?

Oh, this is just borrowed.
We gotta be very careful.

See,
I was just checking
to make sure

we put it in the
exact same spot.

Why?
Oh, it's all
right here.

Here's how the lab says
that that bomb was planted
under your uncle's car.

And I finally
figured out how
the wire was attached

from the bomb
to the starter.

Good for you.
So what?

Oh, it's very interesting.
You see, these buggies,

they're built
so low to the ground

there's really
only one spot
that you can use

to get far
enough under.

And, yeah,
that's right
about here.

Now, the guy
had to use
a pair of pliers

to get the wire
from the bomb,
which was here,

over to the starter.

Are you watching,
Mr. McCain?

Why don't
you get down
where you can see?

But the trouble is
that from here
he can't reach It.

But if he
twists his body,
it's still tight,

but he can push
with his heels.

And he's getting closer
but he can't go any further.

Can you see that,
Mr. McCain?

Uh-huh.

But if he's left-handed,

like you are, sir,

he can reach it easily.

Like I am?
Now, what makes
you think...

What hand
you holding your
cigarette in, sir?

The left.

But of course if
I were ambidextrous

I could have it
in the right.

Oh, no, no.
I've seen other things.

All right,
your point is
very interesting.

So, the guy
was left-handed.

How many other
lefties are there
in this country?

Oh, there's
quite a few, sir.

No, that doesn't really
mean anything.

But it does make it
easier to explain
the scratch marks.

What scratch marks?

Well, you remember, sir.
They're right here. Those.

They're still here.
The ones with
the chalk mark.

Oh, yeah. Right.

And those
are heel marks
I discovered,

and I can prove it.

We made some just
like those ourselves.
You saw how.

When I was
pushing with my heels
to get far enough left

so I could use
my left hand.

You sure as hell
didn't make any scratch
marks that I can see.

Oh, well, that's because
I'm wearing rubber heels.

But there are heels
that could make marks
on asphalt.

Uh, ones like...
What are those,

those Beverly Hills
cowboy boots?

The same kind
that I seen
you wearing, uh...

Like the ones
you got on now,
in fact. Like those.

And like thousands
of other men wear,
of course.

Oh, sure,
of course.

But I still
keep thinking.

Excuse me, sir,
would you mind
lifting that boot?

Oh yeah,
you got that
silver ornament.

Well, that would really
make a mark on asphalt.

Of course,
thousands of guys
got the same thing.

But a hired killer,
you know, a real
professional,

like you thought
was the only one that
could break in here,

he wouldn't wear
hard shoes like that,

risk tripping,
making noise.

He'd wear
tennis shoes,
running shoes,

black ones, maybe.

Anyway, I still think
it was somebody
who was so confident

he already knew
his way around here.

So, that would
cut the odds to what?
Maybe 100 to one?

So, now
you're thinking
friends, visitors,

servants, someone who
worked in the place.

Well, I wasn't thinking
of them, exactly.

No, of course not,
Lieutenant.

Because ever since
this car exploded,

you've been trying
to point a finger
at me, right?

Well,
there have been
certain indications...

No, no, no.
You took a wild guess

and you figured that
I'm the easiest one
to blame.

Well you've got nothing.
Sir.

Harold? I've been
waiting for you.

Yeah, all right.
I know.

Well,
can I go?

Of course.
But, sir,

you won't go far,
will you?

Jeez, I didn't know
he was gonna be here.

Well, I didn't
either.

Well, maybe
we should go over to
my place then, huh?

Well, I guess so.

Separate cars?

Well, he's
still here.

Yeah.
Better separate.

See you soon.

I'll see you soon.

Tonight.

Tonight.

Chez Louis.
Chez Louis

(CHUCKLES)

HAROLD: I thought it was
a pleasant afternoon.

DOLORES: You won't get
any argument from me.

Boy, I'll be glad
when this whole
thing's over with.

But first I gotta take
care of that Hacker.
Gotta do that.

Get him some money.
Quiet him down.

That son of a bitch,
he's crazy. Crazy.

He's got syphilis
on the brain.

Yeah.

I think
he drinks, too.

Well, I'll take
care of him.
I'll do that.

Boy, it's nice
being together, huh?

It is.

You're the best.

Thank you.

Can I ask you something?
Are we drifting apart?

Drifting apart?

Yeah,
I don't know,
I just...

I feel like
I'm losing you.

Maybe it's just
my imagination.
I don't know.

I'm just so crazy
about the money and...

I'm getting another
10,000 from this friend
of mine, Eddie,

and then all I need
is another 20, and then

maybe I'll be
more myself.

Hey, then maybe we'll
go someplace, huh?

Hey, someday

I'm gonna ask you
to marry me.

Soon as I get
that damn Hacker
off my back.

You gonna say yes?

Ask and you'll find out.

I will.

I'll get another five
from another source.
That's 15.

Then I'll need
another 15 and it's
you and me, baby.

That sounds good.

Hey.

We were good
for each other
in the past.

We'll be good for
each other again.

(SIGHS)

Where you gonna
get the other 15?

I thought
I'd ask you.

But I won't
give it to you.

Don't say that.
(CHUCKLES)

I think
you use me.

No, I don't.

I think you
used me before

and I think
you're using me now.

Honey...
You're just like Fred.

You use me
and that's over, buster.

You don't
mean that.

He took me for granted,
and you're doing
the same thing.

And I'm
giving you nothing.

Nothing?
Nothing.

Not a nickel?

Not a nickel.

Okay.

I understand.

So, I used you.
Big Fred used you.

And you're a woman
that men use and humiliate.

And you don't
like that, do you?

No, I don't.

Oh, I know you don't.

Oh, I remember
how you fantasized
about Big Fred's death.

How you dreamed
of hearing him
beg for your mercy.

How you
wanted him dead,
and now he's dead.

Interesting, huh?

I find that interesting.

You wanna hear more?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

There's something about
his death that I know

that you should know.

Only I don't want
to talk about it here.
It's too dangerous.

But if you're
interested,

I'll be in the
parking garage.

Harold,
you're behaving
so strange.

Uh-huh.

What is it
you want?

(GASPS)

You like all the attention
you're getting from the
football players, don't you?

Yes.

You like firing Bertie,
taking over the team?

What were you going
to tell me, Harold?

Boy, you have blossomed since
Fred's death, haven't you?

I thought you had
something important to say.

Where were you
the morning Fred
got hit by the truck?

Where was I?

And don't tell me
you were at home,

because Bertie called
for 45 minutes,

and then I called
and there was no answer.

So, don't tell me
you were at home.

I don't like to
hear people lie.

Now, honey sugar,
you know what's
interesting?

I've known you
five years

and I've never
known you to get up
before 10:30.

And I've never
known Fernando to
start his day's work

by cutting
the back hedge.

And what did you
tell Columbo?

That Fred moved
the car at night

so in the morning
the garage door
wouldn't wake you?

Since when would Fred care
if he disturbed you?

He didn't know
you were alive.

You see where
I'm coming from?

Let me sleep
on this, honey.

It's very
confusing...
I want the $15,000.

I understand.
I can't get to
Columbo now.

I've got other
plans tonight.

But you got until
tomorrow morning.
I'll call you early.

I just need
a little time.

I wanna lie down.

Would you
drive me home?

What about your car?
It's at my place.

I just wanna lie down.

I have to think.

I'll get the
car tomorrow.

(ON RADIO)
This is Jack.
And I'm Jill,

and this is the
Jack and Jill
Breakfast Show.

I think the folks
know that, Jill.

The time is now 7:40 a.m.,
and it's a bit overcast.

But don't despair,
folks, in a few hours,
by 10:00,

our old friend
the sun will be out
in all his glory.

Hear that, kids?
Clouds gone by 10:00.

You can hit
the beaches early.

The time is now 7:41.

Jill, I just
gave them the time.

I know, Jack.
I just like to do it again
in case somebody missed it.

Thank you, Jack and Jill,
this is Captain Steve
in copter one.

Well, you were right
about the weather
for the beach crowds.

We've got patchy
low clouds all along
Pacific Coast Highway

from Malibu
to Santa Monica.

Just right for the surfers
with 3- to 5-foot...
(SWITCHES RADIO OFF)

(CAT MEOWING)

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Yes?

I'm sitting here. I got the
cop's number in my hand.
What do you want me to do?

I thought
about it. Harold,

I don't like doing it,
but you are in trouble,

so come on over.

I got the money for you.

I'll be right there.

Love ya.

But Harold,

this is the last time.

Oh, yes!

(SIRENS WAILING)

Go up to the house
and check. I'll check
the property.

Yeah. Okay.

Where's
the Lieutenant?

How in the hell
do I know?

Should have been here
a half an hour ago.

Any word
on Columbo?

MAN: He just arrived.

It's about time.

Died between
8:15 and 9:30.

ROBERTSON:
You're late, Lieutenant.

Oh, hi, John.

A seven-letter word
for a green leaf.

It's got a "U" in it.
The third letter is "U."
It's not lettuce.

You're doing
a crossword puzzle?

We're waiting for you,
and you're doing
a crossword puzzle?

I don't even like
doing them, John.

Blame my wife.
She gets me started
and I get hooked.

A green leaf.

Arugula.
A-R-U-G-U-L-A.
Arugula.

Let me show you
this window.

Now, this is how
the guy got in.

Obviously a professional.

Now, he used
the glass cutter
to cut the glass.

Never shook anything,
so the alarm didn't go off.

Then he
climbed through.

Now, what he didn't
know was what was
on the other side.

There was
a bowl of milk
left for the cat.

He stepped in it
and knocked it over.

Now, the victim
must have heard
that bowl go over,

because he was
right there
in the bedroom.

Right over
the room where
the bowl went over.

Then he was moving
to get his gun when
the intruder shot him.

Well, you know,
Harold was
plenty scared.

Those mobsters
had already
threatened him.

So, who found
the body?

Dolores McCain.

Oh, Dolores, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's her car
out there. What time was that?

Ten-thirty.
Ten-thirty.

Ten-thirty?

Ten-thirty?

Where is she?

She's in
the kitchen.

He just couldn't
help himself.
It was an addiction.

He just couldn't
stop gambling.

Couldn't help himself.
He tried, but he...

What time did you
get here, ma'am?

About
ten-thirty.

I see.
Ten-thirty.

All right.

And you drove here?

Yes.

Uh-huh.

When was the last time
that you saw him?

Yesterday.

He came over to the house.
Well, you were there.

And we had a good time
together, but at dinner he...

He asked me for money,
and I said no.

Lieutenant, I've given
him so much money
and I just said no.

And then he called me
this morning, early...

Where did he
call from, ma'am?

Well, I assumed
he was here.

He was. We checked
with the telephone
company.

The call
was made at 8:15
from this number.

DOLORES:
I assumed that.

He said this man,
Hacker, had called him at
midnight, threatened him.

He sounded terrified.
Said he was going to
run away to Chicago.

I think he said
the 2:30 train.

And he had car fare,
but he needed
room and board.

I couldn't deny him.

He sounded
so pitiful.

And so, I said
I'd help him and bring him
some money around 10:30.

When I got here
the front door
was locked.

So, I went to the
bedroom window and I...

(SOBS) Oh, God.

All right.
All right, ma'am.
That's all I'll need now.

You've been
through enough.

Uh, I have a tape
that I have to show you.
It's very important,

but we can do
that another time.
All right, Officer.

Is Mrs. McCain
dismissed?

Yes, and see to it that
there's somebody to
drive her home.

Yes, Lieutenant.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

All right,
Officer, we're done.
Thank you very much.

Shot once in the abdomen.
All internal bleeding.

The bullet's still inside.
That's what killed him.

Well, it seems
pretty clear.

Either he woke up
or the alarm woke him.

You can see the alarm
is set for 8:00.

Now, he spoke with
Mrs. McCain at 8:15.

According to the
medical examiner,

sometime within
a hour and a half
he was shot.

Now, he heard a noise
in the basement,
the cat's bowl.

Now, we know
this guy was jumpy.

He told Mrs. McCain
that he was so scared
that he was leaving town.

Well, we found this
train timetable.

The 2:30
to Chicago
is circled.

Now, what we got here
is a guy who heard a noise
that don't know what it was.

He was alone
and jumpy.

So, he decided to go
and get his gun,

but the guy got his gun first,
and that's what happened.

You think this bed
was slept in?

What?

You think this bed
was slept in?

Why would you
ask that?

Well, the sheet
seems tight here.

You think somebody's
foot was under that?

I don't know.
People sleep
all kinds of ways.

Maybe he slept
on top of the sheets.

Maybe he put one foot
under and he put
the other one in sideways.

What do you want from me?

Just asking.

What's this?

It's an invitation ticket
to a poker tournament
at the Commerce Casino.

It's for tonight.

Yeah, but
he won't
make it.

What's this?

It's $5,000.

No kidding.

It was in his boot.

In his boot?
No kidding.

Where's the boot?

It's in the closet.

The money was just
lying in the boot?

No, it was stuffed in
the toe of the boot,
behind the sock.

Boy, these are ripe!

You telling me.

And damp.
Well, the guy's
feet sweat.

Mine sweat, too.
That's why
my feet are soft.

That's what
my wife says.

Wait a minute, John.
Hold the phone.

When did he take
these socks off?

They feel like they've
been worn recently.

Feel them.
They're still damp.

So, those are the socks
that he put on when
he got up,

but when did he take
the damp ones off?

I mean, even if he
took 'em off last night,

even as late as 2:00 a.m.,
it's now after 11:00.

That's nine hours ago.

They would be dry by now.

But these
are still wet.

So, when did he
take 'em off?

You said the alarm
went off at 8:00?

Yeah. Eight o'clock.

Eight.

(ALARM BUZZING)

I hate to tell you this,
fellas, but this alarm

was set for 8:00 p.m.

And that poker
tournament was...

What time
was that, 9:00?

I think 9:00.

Yeah, 9:00.

Makes sense. The club's
right here in LA.

I tell you, boys.

I don't think we got
a guy that just got up.

(LINE RINGING)

I think we got a guy
that never went to bed.

Commerce Casino,
Ed speaking.

Do I know Harold McCain?

Yes, I do.

When did he buy his ticket
in the poker tournament?

Is that your question?

Well, I came on duty
at 4:00 a.m. This morning.
He was here then.

I sold him the ticket
before he left,

so the answer to
your question is 6:30,

the morning
of the 10th.

My pleasure.

Gentlemen,

either Harold was
lying to Dolores,

or Dolores was
lying to us.

Coffee, Lieutenant?

No, thank you, ma'am.

This is the tape
that I mentioned.

It's something
you have to see.

It won't
take long,
ma'am.

And I'll get
right out
of your hair.

I was just gathering up
some of Harold's things.

Things that
he's left here.

I think I got 'em all.
It's all so unbelievable.

Understand, ma'am.
Understand.

All right.
Here we go.

Now, of course, you weren't
there at the time. You were
in the house.

She's still so confused.
She's looking for her
husband's keys now.

I have one key.

Oh, dear.
I don't think
I can watch this.

Oh, you'll be
all right, ma'am.

But it's gonna
blow up, isn't it?

Yes, ma'am,
it is.

COLUMBO: (ON TV)
... put it in the garage!
Si, senor. Right away.

All right.

(GASPING)

Ma'am, did you notice
anything unusual?

(LAUGHS IN DISBELIEF)

Well, what a stupid question!

You just made me watch
my gardener get blown up.

You're right.
You're absolutely right.

You were looking at
the gardener and the car,
anybody would.

Could I run this
again, ma'am?

If it's absolutely necessary.

I appreciate that.
And this time more slowly.

It's amazing what
they can do with
TV tape and film.

(TAPE REWINDING)

Does it have to
be so noisy?

No, ma'am, I can
turn it down.
Here we go.

Anything catch your eye
that time, ma'am?

I just saw it
blow up.

And what else
is there to see?

Yes. It's difficult
to spot, it is.

Can we do it again?
Larger?

... garage!
Si, senor. Right away.

Oh, he moved.
I saw Harold move.

No, ma'am.

Once more,
only this time,
closer.

Watch his eyes.

See 'em?

They're closed tight.

He flinched.

Before the explosion.

He knew it was gonna happen.
Oh, I've been so stupid.

I just couldn't let
myself think that

he was capable
of trying to murder
his own uncle.

Oh, Lieutenant,
I'm sorry.

No wonder you stayed
after him, kept pushing...

I know how difficult
it is for you, ma'am, but

it's something
you had to know.

I couldn't
keep it
from you.

I appreciate it.

Forgive me.

I would like
to be alone.

Those are
Harold's things.
Please take them.

Oh, I will, ma'am.
They'll be among
his personal effects.

I appreciate
your time.

Ms. McCain?

Yes?

Just one more
thing, ma'am.

I believe this
belongs to Harold.

It's here in the den.
Should I take it, too?

This is his hat,
isn't it, ma'am?

Yes, it is.

I'm not sure when
he left it here,
but please take it.

I will.
Good day, ma'am.

Oh, just one
more thing, ma'am.

You told me that
Harold called
and wanted money.

Said he had the car
fare but he needed
room and board

for when he got
to Chicago,
is that right?

Yes.

And you brought
money with you when
you went to the house?

Yes, I brought $1,000.

I have to tell you,
ma'am, that we found
$5,000 in Harold's boot.

Really?
Yeah.

So, either he was lying
when he said he only
had car fare, or...

Or what, Lieutenant?

You were lying.

I can't believe
you said that.

Well, ma'am, you also
said that he told you
that he was gonna catch

a 2:30 train to Chicago.
Isn't that correct?

Yes.

But his alarm clock
was set to wake him up
at 8:00 p.m.

So, either he lied
to you, or you...

What?

Lied to us.

Lieutenant,
from now on,

anything you have to say,
you will say to my lawyer.

Now, leave.

Yes, ma'am.

COLUMBO: Do you
know Harold McCain?

I do.
All right.

And it was you that
sold him this ticket

to the poker tournament
at 6:30 yesterday morning?

I did.
All right.

Gee, this coffee is cold.
You think I can get a fresh...

Oh, sure.
Right this way.

So, you came in
at 4:00 a.m.

And he was
playing cards.
How was he doing?

Oh, he was
doing pretty well,
he won $5,000.

Excuse me, sir.
I just wanna
write that down.

Five thousand,
and then he went home?

No, I think
he had breakfast.

So, Harold
was in?

Oh, yes, Harold was
in a great mood.
He won money.

Left me
a nice tip.

What'd he eat?
Pancakes.

That's all?

No, he had orange juice,
blueberries and coffee.

Do you remember
what he was wearing?

What was
he wearing, Ed?

Let's see,
he had...

Do you recall,
was he wearing
shoes or boots?

Oh, boots.
He wore boots a lot.

And his cowboy hat.
Yeah, he wore that
a lot, too.

Hat and boots.

And he had
a bright sports shirt,
didn't he, Rhea?

Oh, I think so,
but I'm not sure.

And then
he went home?
I guess so.

No, he went into
the barber shop.

Told me he was
gonna treat
himself.

Yes, Harold came in.

And you worked
on him yourself?

Yes.
What'd you do
for him?

I did
his nails.
Manicure.

Facial.
Facial.

Shave
and a haircut.

Shave
and haircut.

Okay, manicure,
facial, shave and...

He had a haircut?

Yes, sir.

Well, what do you
know about that.

Hey, Vince.
Lieutenant.

The box is...
Upstairs
to your left, sir.

Okay.
See you in a bit.

Let him in!

All of you!
Sorry, men! Out!

Better seats
downstairs anyway.
Sorry. You, too.

It was a great game.
I had it on in the car.

Lieutenant,
you should know that
I'm speaking to you now

as Mrs. McCain's
lawyer.

I understand that yesterday
you strongly implied that
she's a liar.

Well, she doesn't
like that, and
I don't blame her.

So, I'm here to see
to it that you don't
take advantage of her.

Now, what's
on your mind?

Can I hang this up, sir?
I don't want it
to get wrinkled.

Don't test
my patience,
Lieutenant.

Oh, no, sir.
No. No. No.
Not at all.

Let me just say that
there's some things
that bother me

and I merely want
to clear the air.

Well, I suggest
you start.

Mrs. McCain,
you told me that
you were with Harold

in a restaurant
on Thursday night,
and that's true.

I checked with
the restaurant.

You were with Harold.
It's all true.

And Harold, I'm told,
parked his car in
the parking garage.

Small point.

Could you tell me,
ma'am, where you
parked your car?

In the street.

In the street,
which makes sense.

Parking is permitted on
that street at that hour.

And then you went home.
And if you would, ma'am,

where did you park
your car at home?

I'm not gonna
let her answer that.
Don't answer that.

I have no idea
why you're even
asking it.

I can tell you.
Would you
like to hear?

It's up to you.
Well, I think it's better.

I mean, get it
all out in the open.

I was doing
a crossword puzzle

and I put the paper
down on the hood,

and, uh...
Here, let me show you.

One picture,
believe me,

one picture
is better than
a thousand words.

That's Mrs. McCain's car,
and you'll notice that

the sunny side
of the hood is different
than the shady side.

You see those things
on the shady side?

Here, sir, use this.
You can see better.

Look here
on the shady side.

See those bumps?
Those bubbles?

That's dew.

And that tells me that
that car was parked there
before sunrise.

Now, Mrs. McCain,

you told me that
you didn't arrive there
until 10:30 in the morning.

So, that's why I asked
where the car was parked
the previous night.

And we'll answer that,
if necessary, at the
appropriate time.

All right.

Mrs. McCain,
did Harold's
feet sweat?

Can she answer that?

Dolores?

I have no idea.

Well mine do.
Very bad.

And that's why I noticed...
Here, let me show you.

Thank you, sir.

...that these socks
were damp.

And we found
these socks
in Harold's boot.

But the socks
on his feet
were dry,

and these wet socks
were in his boot.

And I couldn't understand,
if he got up at 8:00

and he put on dry socks,
when did he take
the damp ones off?

But he had
this ticket

to play poker
in a tournament
that night.

So, I called
the casino,

and it turns out,

wait till
you hear this,

Harold didn't get up
at 8:00.

Harold never
went to bed!

He played poker
all night.

So?

So, I went
to the casino,

and they told me

he won $5,000.

That he had pancakes
for breakfast,

and they told me
what he was wearing.

Here, I got it
right here.

He was wearing
these boots.

That's where
we found the socks,

this shirt, and...

Where's the, uh...

Oh, that's
supposed to come.

Why didn't
you knock?

I didn't want
to disturb you.

But I'm waiting
for that.

How did I know
you were here?

OFFICER: I didn't know
what to do.

Okay.

This is what
was missing.

This hat.

Harold was
wearing this hat.

The casino manager
and the waitress,

they both remember
the hat.

And you, ma'am,
well, you remember it.

I saw it
in your den.

You said Harold
must have left it there.

So, the big question is

when did he leave
it there?

And I found the answer.

I got it
right here.

These are hairs.

You see, ma'am? Hairs.

Tiny little fellows.

Tiny, tiny, tiny
little hairs.

And Harold got
a haircut at 7:00 a.m.

These pieces, ma'am,
freshly cut.

And in this hat,

we found
these hairs.

So, we know,

that the hat was
in your den, ma'am,

on the morning
he was shot.

That places
the victim...

Are you implying
that I killed Harold?

Shot him dead
in your den, ma'am.

Moved the body,
probably used
a wheelchair.

Wanted the cops to find
a jumpy guy who just got up.

Took off his pants
and shoes,

and stretched him out
in his underwear,

and left him lying there
reaching for a gun.

Why?

Why was he reaching
for a gun?

No. Why?

What is the motive?

Why on earth would I
deliberately kill Harold?

He was no
real threat to me.

I would gladly have
paid those trivial
gambling debts.

There has to be
a reason for murder.
I had none.

Maybe because
he suspected
you killed Big Fred.

What?

That's what I said,

and I suspect
Harold was right.

No... Big Fred was...
But Big Fred was run over.

Oh, my God.

Dolores?
Just shut up.

Lieutenant,you know perfectly
well it was Harold who
tried to kill Fred.

And he would have,
but you got there first.

You parked the Rolls
in the driveway

so the gardener's truck
couldn't come in.

You sent the gardener
to the rear to cut
the back hedge

so you could steal his truck
and run over Big Fred.

And then you came home
and you started to cry
when you heard the news.

Prove it.
I don't have to
prove it, ma'am.

One in the hand
is better than
two in the bush.

You're under arrest
for the murder
of Harold McCain.

That idiot.

If it wasn't for him,
you'd have nothing.

I told him not to try
anything desperate.

Meddlesome
little son of a bitch.

You've been
a big help, Bertie.

I don't know what
I would have done
without you.

Well, thank you.