Original subtitles

[children whisper] ♪ Remember, remember! The fifth of November ♪

♪ Gunpowder, treason and plot ♪

♪ I see no reason why Gunpowder treason ♪

- ♪ Should ever be forgot ♪ - [gasps]

[exclaims, yelps]

[panting]

- Arabella! - [whimpers, panting]

Arabella!

What is it?

- It's me. - [sighs]

Oh... [stammering] ...William, it's-it's you.

I was so scared.

I thought it was Delaney.

[chuckling] No. You're imagining things again, darling.

Come back to the house

- and I'll look after you. - Oh, yeah?

I love you.

- [gunshot] - [gasps]

[♪ triumphant music plays]

[Maud] You won't control me anymore.

[sighs]

Nobody will.

- And, cut! - [crew cheering]

[Charles] Scene complete.

And that's a wrap for series three.

Congratulations, everyone.

Marvellous, darling. Well done.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry you died.

Aw. [chuckling]

Thank you. Thanks.

[Declan] Car for Ms O'Hara.

[Maud gasps, chuckles]

What are you doing here?

- Thought I'd drive you home. - [Maud] Oh.

- Oh, you shouldn't have. - [chuckles]

[chuckles] Let's go.

You don't need to stay and see people?

No!

Wrap parties are so overrated.

You were amazing.

- Oh, you watched? - Mmm.

I thought it was a bit much.

- No. It was wonderful. [chuckles] - No. [chuckles]

[Maud laughing]

Perhaps she's not thirsty.

Deirdre,

send two dozen red roses to Maud O'Hara at the Priory.

Make sure my name's on the card.

[♪ opera music playing]

[♪ "Oh Yeah" playing]

Glad you could all make it.

The venue was Declan's choice.

It's impossible for us to be overheard in here.

So, Corinium have made an offer on Lizzie's novel.

The terms are identical to ours, except the financials.

It's exactly £10,000 more than ours.

Fuck, that's some offer.

So... What?

We have a leak.

Are you saying someone at Venturer has been spying for Corinium?

Oh, my God.

Could Tony know that I'm working for you?

Okay, who knew about Lizzie's book?

Well, fucking Lizzie, her agent,

uh, uh, uh, me! You lot.

- James? - Not a chance.

- [Cameron] Well, could it be Lizzie? - No, no, no, no, no, it's not Lizzie.

It has to be someone on the inside.

Shakespeare, stolen tapes...

Christ, there's probably been a sleeper since we started.

Charles, keep your eyes open at Corinium.

Anything suspicious, telephone me immediately.

Why don't you concentrate on getting the IBA application to London tomorrow,

and leave me to hunt down whoever's in bed with Tony.

[sniffs]

[♪ tense music playing]

- [sighs] - [Declan] Good morning, love.

Hi, love.

First day of freedom from your evil Corinium overlords.

- [Maud chuckles] - [chuckles] Hey, girls.

- Hello. - [Taggie] Morning.

Whew. Somebody likes you.

[stammers] Four Men Went to Mow.

It's a thank-you for my performance.

What did you do to deserve it?

[Maud] Uh, let me fix you some breakfast.

How was the Venturer meeting?

Complicated.

Oh.

Would it help Venturer if we did something for the community?

A bonfire night?

Tag, we don't do bonfire night.

It's about burning Catholics.

I saw Mrs Makepiece yesterday in Penscombe,

and she was so upset.

Monica used to host the Brownies' Guy Fawkes celebration,

and Tony's withdrawn the invitation this year.

I am not forking out for a party.

I'll do all the work with Mrs Makepiece. And you can invite everyone from Venturer.

- Oh, go on. Say yes. - [stammers]

[stammers, inhales sharply] All right, yes.

Aw, thanks, Daddy. The Brownies are gonna be thrilled.

[sighs] We are having a party.

A small party.

Oh. [chuckling] I know, I know.

[♪ "How Will I Know" playing]

Right. Give me your hand.

- [chuckling] Oh. - That's it. Come on. Watch your head.

Turn around. Let me guide you, all right?

- Keep walking. [chuckles] - [chuckling] What's going on?

You can look now.

I thought we could get lunch.

In Paris.

Like Letty and Ferdy in my book.

Exactly.

Uh, you do know I have to be back to do the children's tea?

I promise.

Are you ready?

[speaking French]

- [speaks French] - [server speaking French]

- Mm-hmm. - [server] Merci.

[in English] Thank you.

Are you sure that your agent didn't mention the book to Tony?

Apart from you,

uh, Declan and Carole are the only people who've read it.

Well, Corinium, they've offered you ten grand more than us, and that's a lot.

So, whatever decision you make, I understand.

You could offer me first refusal in writing the script?

I need to speak to Tony too.

I won't reveal your offer, so just make me one I can't refuse.

[chuckling] Oh, sorry.

Did you think because you're my...

that I'd automatically just give it to Venturer?

No.

Doesn't surprise me at all.

You're some woman, Lizzie Vereker.

You do know that I'm gonna fight for your book though?

I love every single word.

Maybe we could talk about residuals and back end too?

Sounds like fun.

[♪ "Moi Je Joue" playing]

[Lizzie, Freddie moaning, panting]

[James] So, what do you think our viewers can learn

from William and Arabella's relationship in the new series of Four Men Went to Mow ?

[Maud] Uh, don't try and commit your wife to an asylum?

[Lizzie, James laugh]

Now, we had a sneak preview of the first episode,

and, my goodness, you two have a lot of chemistry.

Our television was sizzling, wasn't it, darling?

What's it like doing those kind of scenes,

going home to your real relationship at the end of the day?

Well, when you feel very safe with another actor as I do Hugo,

it gives you a real freedom on screen.

And also, I have a very stable marriage in real life. [chuckles]

[Hugo] I'm still available, though, ladies.

So good to have you back in the studio, Lord B.

- People are so sad about Lady Monica. - Mmm.

[James] Easy, tiger.

And wind it up, please, Steve.

[Lizzie] Well, we are huge fans

and we can't wait to watch the new series on our sofa.

[James] Absolutely.

Starting next Friday at 9:00 on Corinium and across the ITV network.

But until then,

thank you so much, Hugo K. Bruce, and the very beautiful Maud O'Hara.

[Lizzie] And we'll see you after the break with this week's recipe.

Stay tuned.

And, uh, stay married.

That's clearance from the gallery.

Okay, let's set up for the recipe segment.

Ten minutes, everyone.

Mrs O'Hara, Hugo, that is you done.

Thank you. [kisses] Thank you. [chuckles]

- [Hugo] That was very charming. - I can be charming when I have to be.

- [Hugo chuckles, groans] - [chuckles]

- Well done, Hugo. Thanks for that. - Thanks.

We will have a talk about the next series, yes?

Of course, of course, of course.

I haven't had a chance to congratulate you on your... your dazzling series finale.

Two dozen roses, Tony.

Are you trying to wreck my marriage?

- Just reminding you of your worth. - [scoffs]

You're grieving and you're lonely, and I am so sorry.

[whispering] But I am committed to my marriage.

We weren't done yet, you and me.

Weren't we dynamite together?

- I wanted to offer you the world. - Yeah, to make me a star.

You're a star already.

There's a TV project I've just set up.

Walter Larry is directing.

Loved you in that series three preview tape that I sent them.

America want to invest. A lot.

Stowaway.

She's a-a pirate queen.

Sexy, witty, ruthless,

hell-bent on revenge.

Makes Errol Flynn look like Wayne Sleep.

- What? - It's got Emmy written all over it.

I don't want to make it with anyone else.

[♪ tense music playing]

Have a read. Then join Walter and I for supper at the Falconry tomorrow night.

Soon as he meets you it'll be a fait accompli.

But that's bonfire night.

Supper's at 8:00. Light the blue-touch paper.

James, you're looking marvellous.

[James] Oh, stop it, Tony.

Bye.

[sighs]

- [knocks on window] - [gasps]

[sighs, scoffs]

Thank you for letting us have the party here.

It's cheered the missus up no end. And the Brownies.

[sighs] Little girls love to play with fire, don't they?

[shushes]

Where did you find that?

- I found him in the log pile. - Oh.

I don't think he's well.

Aw.

- Nearly ready for tomorrow? - Yeah.

If an animal hears a human heartbeat, apparently they get better.

Do you think it's the same for humans?

[Declan grunts]

[sighs]

[sighs] Well?

- Oh, I think they're on to something. - Hmm.

[♪ tense music playing]

Time for me to wash off the stardust, I suppose.

Anyone for pudding?

Just the bill, Basil.

We haven't finished the wine.

And can we trust Bas? He's still Tony's brother.

Maybe he's our leak?

For Christ's sake.

Bas is many things, but he's no snake.

[sniffling, crying]

I need a drink. [sniffles]

You all right, darling?

[sighs] Must've left my purse at home.

Large Chablis for Sarah, please.

Paul's kicked me out.

- Again? - Stop. [chuckles]

Don't make fun of me, Rupert.

- I ended it with him last time. - Yeah.

You can come home with me.

With us.

[♪ foreboding music playing]

[Caitlin] Daddy! Come quick! The IBA's on the telly!

Lady Gosling tendered her resignation

as chair of the IBA yesterday evening following discussions with Ms Thatcher.

All the work I did on Lady Gosling, down the drain.

It is with great pleasure that I have accepted the position as Chairwoman.

And my colleague Dr Chandra Roy will serve as my deputy.

- She doesn't seem very friendly, Daddy. - She isn't.

- Mary Whitehouse without the twinkle. - ... it is an honour to continue

as part of the Independent Broadcasting Authority. But now...

She doesn't look very friendly either.

And how will this affect

the current franchise races that are going on all over the country?

It could be worse.

It could've been Fergus Penney.

Though, uh, perhaps I am known for being a little more exacting than my predecessor.

[laughing]

[reporter] Thank you very much. So there you have it.

- All change here at the IBA. - Right,

who's ready to deliver some applications?

[Mike] Smile. The previews for the Yeats documentary are brilliant.

Everyone's gonna be watching.

What you worried about?

A new IBA chairwoman now after all this work.

Ah, you'll charm her.

You're Declan O'Hara.

Look out London!

Here we come.

[Tony] Thank you, sir.

Uh, well let me leave you with this.

[Tony, Penney laughing]

[Penney] Very good, Tony. [laughs]

Nice to see you keeping you spirits up.

Work has been a great comfort for us.

Tony seems very cosy with her.

- With all of them. - Yeah.

There are four others on the panel. He can't smarm his way around them all.

Ah,

looking forward to your show tonight.

It clashes with Strike It Lucky, doesn't it?

I don't fancy your chances.

Tall order to beat off Michael Barrymore.

It's not all about ratings, Tony.

Hmm, isn't it?

I'd get those applications in before anyone can meddle.

Don't underestimate Lord B.

And watch your back, even people closest to you.

[♪ unsettling music playing]

[music continues]

This is thrilling, isn't it?

Venturer's first broadcast. All my students are going to be watching.

Muffy won't return my calls, and she's not here yet.

She was so upset.

What if she's told her father? This could ruin everything.

[whispers] Henry goes fishing with Denis Thatcher.

She's not going to do that.

Muffy is a good person.

What... Whatever happens, we'll find a solution together.

[Hermione] Taggie, darling.

Excellent evening for some poetry.

You know, we can't get Channel 4 in Hampshire Hall.

Henry refuses to adjust the aerial.

Do help yourself to some food.

- Good to see you, son. [laughs] - [laughs]

- [Hermione] Oh, there he is. Hello there. - Hello.

Oh, my poor little Muff's a bit under the weather.

She's tucked up in bed.

I promised we'll give her a full report. [chuckles]

Ooh, yum yum, don't mind if I do.

- Could I have some Irish bread with that? - Oof. Delightful.

[TV announcer] And now on Channel 4.

A special documentary on W.B. Yeats

- presented by Declan O'Hara. - [cheering]

- Shush, shush. It's starting. - I'm Declan O'Hara.

You might know me for my political interviews,

or from rubbing shoulders with famous faces

from the world of sport, film, and television,

but today I'm in the windswept hills of Sligo,

where mists whisper through heather

and shadows dance across ancient stones.

And where a poet was born,

who would bind the soul of Ireland to the power of words.

William Butler Yeats,

- dreamer, dramatist... - Brilliant.

- ...nationalist, and mystic... - Thank you.

...did not not merely write poetry.

He forged a voice for a nation longing to define itself.

He chronicled not just the rise of a modern Ireland,

but the battle between chaos and order,

beauty and violence, love and loss.

[Sarah crying]

...is like a cosy home for hedgehogs.

But if this little guy crawls in for a nap,

the consequences could...

I really don't understand why she's staying here again.

Seems that I'm her port in a storm.

So always check your bonfire for our spiky little chums

before you light it.

Okay, I'm gonna go to bed.

[Sarah] I should be telling everybody how to save them.

That's my job, not James's.

[Rupert] Stop punishing yourself.

Did you get my stuff from Paul?

- He won't let me in, darling. - [sighs]

He's such a pig!

I bought all these lovely, floaty dresses,

and instead, I'm stuck wearing this.

Well, he does have a reason to be a bit miffed, doesn't he?

I was talking about him attacking James at the funeral.

But you're still saying James isn't the daddy.

It isn't James's.

But neither is it Paul's?

I spoke to the father.

Oh, he was horrible. He said...

He said if anybody found out, I'd never work again.

And...

Not Tony?

- I just don't understand. - [crying]

What do perfectly lovely women see in that repulsive bully?

[sniffles]

Well, how did... How on Earth did you keep it secret?

Beattie must've been sniffing like a bloodhound.

Mmm. T-Tony pays the staff at the White Elephant to keep quiet.

But listen, Rupert,

you have to promise me not to breathe a word of this to anyone.

[radio host] Good morning, Cotchester.

We are going down to a chilly five degrees for bonfire night,

so if you're in the garden or at a display tonight,

don't forget your mittens and your leg warmers.

[singing] ♪ Build a bonfire Put Tony on the top ♪

♪ Put Corinium in the middle And we'll burn the fucking lot! ♪

Declan's not planning

- to blow up Corinium, is he? - [groans] God, no, no.

- No. I mean-- - I-I was just teasing. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Yeah, I just thought you meant...

- Because he's Irish? - [chuckles]

I'm-I'm Mike.

We met before.

- I remember. - [chuckles]

Uh, Declan, Mum loved your poetry show so much

that she's already planning our next caravan trip to be around Ireland.

Oh. Thanks, Daysee.

Okay, see you.

- Oh, and, Mike... - Yeah.

I'm-I'm in the phone book. Daysee Butler.

- Daysee with two E's. - [chuckles] Okay.

- [actor 1] So what did happen then? - Well, I ask you.

When the sparkler's finished, back she goes

- and tries to pick it up. - [phone ringing]

- [screams] - [actor 2] It may look cool,

but it's still red hot, isn't it?

- Have you seen Cameron? - No. Mm-mmm.

[actor 2] What a silly girl then.

- [actor 3] Make sure your child doesn't... - Hello.

[Charles] It's me.

Tony is off out for lunch. He just left.

All that's written in his diary is White Elephant. No name.

- Hmm. - Maybe he's going to meet our mole.

Right. The White Elephant?

Bye.

[♪ tense music plays]

[♪ tense music continues]

[♪ dramatic music plays]

Here we are. This is yours.

Down the hatch.

I'm not drinking that again. It gives me the runs.

Well, that's 'cause I've put laxative in yours.

And you can thank me for your jeans fitting much better.

- It tastes like sick. - That's disgusting.

Tell her, Wayne.

You can't use language like that in polite company.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Oh, sweetheart, you sound so posh.

Blimey, it's cold out there.

Oh, welcome home, darling.

Mmm... [kisses] One more.

[kisses, chuckles]

Right, I'm gonna have a shower before the bonfire party.

Don't forget. Extra pair of socks, kids.

[♪ "Burning Down the House" plays]

[Maud laughing]

Rupert, what are you doing here?

The mole...

is Cameron.

[music stops]

[sighs]

- [door opening] - [footstep approaching]

Hey.

What were you doing meeting Tony Baddingham today?

- Have you been following me? - You didn't answer his question.

Why were you with Tony today?

Well, he called and asked to meet, so I went to lunch with him

to see if I can get any inkling of who's sabotaging us.

- Why didn't you say? - It was last minute.

You weren't home when he called.

Have you been spying for Baddingham this entire time?

[gasps] Oh, how could you even think that?

- Are you the traitor? - No, what is wrong with you?

And how did you know I was there?

Charles called me.

Char...

That proves that Tony knows that Charles is working for us.

He... [scoffs]

He must've deliberately let Charles find out that I was gonna meet with him,

- so you'd think I was his mole. - [chuckles]

[stammers] It's a set-up, okay?

Tony set me up.

How long has this been going on? Since the beginning?

Since Rupert got his leg over in Spain?

- You're not listening to me! - Okay.

Well, what did you learn at lunch then? Tell us.

Nothing. Tony's playing his cards very close to his chest.

But maybe if we play along, I'll wait for him to slip up,

- No way. - and then...

There's no one but me who could do that, is there?

[Taggie] Daddy, what's wrong?

Cameron's our mole it turns out.

- I am not the mole! - [clamouring]

I'm a journalist, I have a good instinct for the truth.

Oh, you wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass.

I am an idiot to have trusted any of you.

No matter what hoops I jump through to prove my loyalty,

I'll always be the fall guy.

Wrong accent, wrong colour, wrong country.

I need a drink.

I should never have allowed you to bring her into Venturer.

She's fucked us. She's always been fucking us.

I don't think it is Cameron.

What?

Uh, it's nothing.

Do you really think Cameron's the spy?

What other explanation is there?

Cameron's your girlfriend. You've chosen to live with her.

You must have more faith in her than that.

[footsteps departing]

[Rupert sighs]

To the brightest star in the Corinium Galaxy. - Love Tony

[♪ "Head Over Heels" playing]

[Caitlin] Can I borrow that lipstick? I think Archie's coming tonight.

Why did you say that about Cameron?

She just works so hard, doesn't she?

Like, why would she throw that all away?

Yeah.

[Caitlin] That new jumper looks nice.

- Thanks. - Who are you trying to impress?

- No. No one. [laughs] - [gasps] Tell me!

[Taggie] Ah, Caitlin! Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

- It's Bas, it's Bas. - [gasps] Ooh.

I just don't know if I'm his type. He always has such glamorous girlfriends.

Oh, don't be a wally.

- I'm not. - You're everybody's type.

[inhales deeply] But talk about from the frying pan into the fire.

[both chuckle]

[♪ dramatic music plays]

[inhales, groans]

[whimpers]

[doorbell rings]

[sighs]

Penny for the guy.

Sorry, I've only got notes.

I won't keep you long.

Too long already.

Stay away from Maud O'Hara.

- Maud? - Don't try to deny it.

It's beneath you. You've been seeing her, haven't you?

Maud's a grown woman, she can see who she likes.

Does she know you're only doing it to hurt Venturer?

Screwing information out of Declan's wife?

Does he know that you know and you haven't told him?

Huh?

How happy is he gonna be when he knows that?

Just stop the affair.

I know what it's like to lose your children.

If yours find out about Maud while Monica is still warm in her grave,

they will never forgive you and Monica wouldn't want that.

If you invoke my wife's name one more time,

God help me, I'll rip your throat out!

Welcome, everybody, welcome.

Friends, Brownies and Venturer

and the man without whom none of us would be here tonight...

Guy Fawkes.

[cheering, chattering]

[cheers]

- Um, is Muffy here? - Uh-huh.

Ah.

Now, although my husband and I applaud

any man bold enough to take down the British government...

[booing, jeering]

But we understand we live in Rutshire now and you might hold a different view.

So, when in Rome, let the Pagan ritual commence.

- [cheering] - [Maud chuckles]

- [Henry] Oh, who's done that? - [laughs]

Come on down, Kevin.

Honestly.

Don't you know how much Mrs Thatcher's done for women?

- Oh, no. I don't find that very funny. No. - Oh, come on, now.

- A step too far. - Sorry.

I am a member of parliament.

This is... This is ridiculous.

- Well done, Gerald. - [Henry] So sorry, everyone.

- Careful, Gerald. - [Gerald] Sorry, everyone.

- Don't boo him. - [Henry] This is not on.

[Hermione] That's it, Gerry.

- Oh, what a relief. - Show some respect.

Bravo, Gerald!

Heroic!

[Maud] Shall we try that again? [chuckles]

Three...

[crowd] Two,

one.

[all cheering]

Hello.

Here you are.

Sorry about the, um, impromptu mountaineering. [chuckles]

Are you in love with Charles?

Do you have any real feelings for me at all or am I just some sort of...

decoy?

No, perhaps don't answer that either.

[inhales sharply] Do you know, people talk to me differently since we got engaged.

I'm not just sad old Muffy,

destined to rattle around in her big old house alone

until some Canadian cousin comes and kicks her out.

I have value.

For once.

I do love you, Muffy.

[stammers] Maybe not in the way you-you dreamed of, but in my own way.

You know if we got married you'd have to give all that up?

I'm afraid with...

AIDS.

I don't want either of us to die.

And I want a baby.

- [chuckles] - [inhales sharply]

I know none of this is ideal, but...

but we can...

make this work, can't we?

I... I'd like to, if...

- if you'll still have me. - [chuckles]

And I will support your political career all the way to the very top,

if that's where you want to go.

[chuckles]

Shall we bring the wedding forward, and seize the day?

[cheering, chattering]

Well done!

How's that?

[people chattering]

My mum used to light the bonfire and now she's dead.

Your mum's doing it like nothing's happened.

- Oh, look at that. - [Henry chattering]

- [people chattering] - Excuse me.

Tag, Bas is here.

Is that... Nathalie Perrault?

What, is she dating Bas now?

No, she's going out with one of the twins. I read it in YOU Magazine.

They must've bunked after The Golden Gauntlet.

Hello, hello.

So, uh...

Do you wanna bob for apples or...

are you more interested in French fancies now?

No, she's with Dommie, but, uh...

Yeah, I'm good for a bob if you are.

- Darling, how are you? - [Taggie] Hi.

Let me do that.

- Thank you. - Nice jumper.

- Mmm. - Thanks. Nice, um...

- Face? - Yeah. [chuckles]

Hello.

- Oh, thank you. - [James] Rupert, just in time.

- What is it? Hot cider or something? - It is indeed.

- Hello, you. - Oh, hello. [kisses]

Ah.

Taggie's done so well.

Monica would be proud.

I think Maud might be involved with Tony.

She is.

Poor Declan.

Cannot believe Cameron was spying for Tony this whole time.

[sighs] You never know who's been stabbing you in the back, do you?

[Mike] Mmm.

[Basil] Ten seconds!

[people] Nine, eight, seven,

- six, five, four, three, two, one. - [Basil] One more! We need one more.

- Time! - [cheering]

- Think I'm gonna go. - Oh, Archie, are you sure?

I don't understand why you haven't said anything to your dad.

All right, everyone outside.

Fireworks.

[Freddie] Yes, come on. Finally.

[sighs] Fred-Fred, where's the toilet?

Mum, nobody says "toilet." It's "loo."

[Henry] Move along, everyone. Don't wanna miss the show.

[sniffles]

Caitlin, I'm so sorry--

I hate you.

What? No, no, no.

Leave me alone!

- [door closes] - [gasps]

Did it have to be Tony?

Oh, God.

Were you trying to inflict maximum pain?

Why? To get Declan's attention?

Don't you judge me. You know nothing about it.

Well, I know far more than I would like!

[scoffs]

I've talked to Tony.

- What? - I've told him to stop.

This is none of your fucking business. How dare you--

Declan is my friend, and this will destroy him, so, yes it is!

Please, just end it, Maud.

I have ended it. It's already over.

[sighs] But if you found out, he'll find out too one day, won't he?

Yeah, well, you should've thought about that

before you slept with the worst human being on the planet, shouldn't you?

[people cheering, laughing]

[chattering, laughing]

- [fireworks whistling, exploding] - [gasps]

[stomach gurgles]

[panting] Oh! Oh, God.

Oh, it's in here.

- Excuse me. - [Lizzie] Hello?

It's a bit of an emergency.

[Lizzie] Oh, hang on.

- Sorry. Oh. - [Valerie] Oh, God.

- No. - Are you okay?

Oh, God. Lizzie.

The zip. Zip.

- Zip, it's stuck. - Well, my hands are wet.

Well, just do it, Lizzie.

[panting, muttering]

Hold those.

- [muttering] - Oh...

Oh, God. Oh, God, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming.

[water splashing]

[firework whistles]

You're an eager beaver tonight.

Please, don't.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - Muffy knows.

About us.

She still wants to get married.

Well, that's good news, isn't it?

She says I have to give you up.

She doesn't want me to get AIDS.

I haven't got it.

We don't take risks.

We don't live like that. Tell her.

We both know what it feels like to be scared for people we love.

I love you.

I love you.

But I want to be safe.

I...

I-I want to be a father.

[crying]

I want to be normal.

"Normal"?

[sighs]

I don't believe this.

I've done everything you asked.

[sobbing] And you keep breaking my heart.

That's not fair. We...

We planned this together. It was our plan.

It was our plan, now it's your plan!

- [shushes] - [sniffles]

I had to choose.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

I...

[♪ sad music plays]

- [people cheering] - [fireworks whistling, exploding]

Gerald, have you been crying?

No, Mummy, it's just the smoke.

Poor Gerry.

Where-Where do I put it?

[sighs]

Where's Caitlin?

Is everything all right?

Uh, well, I-I just got caught a bit short.

You won't tell anyone, will you?

- Especially not Freddie. - Course not.

[sighs] Well, thanks, 'cause, uh, well, us girls got to stick together.

Very pretty underwear you've got on.

[sighs] Thank you.

It's, um, well, it's for Fred-Fred.

You said it on your programme, didn't you?

We try to give each other surprises.

Well, I'm not normally one to, uh, start things,

but recently, well, we've been at it like rabbits. [chuckles]

Like I say, it's all thanks to How To Stay Married.

- [faucet squeaks] - [water runs]

[fireworks continue]

Okay, you're right.

Maybe I do need a party sometimes.

Mmm.

Can we go inside?

Just us?

Ah, there's...

There's something I need to talk to you about.

All right.

- Declan! - Declan!

- Can you give us a hand? - The big one won't light.

[Mike] Yeah.

Just give me a minute. Okay?

You've packed?

What did you expect me to do, Rupert?

[clicks tongue] There was something I had to--

[Cameron] Oh, shut the fuck up.

You just don't care enough to face me.

You really think I'm involved with Tony?

[sighs] No. I shouldn't have accused you of lying--

You shouldn't even have thought it.

- Perhaps... - Perhaps what?

Perhaps you packing your bags is for the best.

I promise your life will be better without me in it.

Oh, stop the self-deprecating bullshit.

You use people, and when you've got what you want,

you throw them away and tell them it's because you're not worth it?

That is not fair. We both got something out of this arrangement.

No, there's one big difference, Rupert.

I loved you.

- Uh, where are you going? - [Cameron] Back to America.

I am so stupid to have ever fallen for you and your stupid country,

with your tiny cars, and your massive fucking egos.

I am done.

[Rupert] You can't leave. What about the pitch?

[Cameron] Fuck the pitch!

[door opens]

Sorry you couldn't make it to dinner, darling.

You have to go.

I can't. I need you. Why didn't you come?

Because I love my husband.

Monica died because of us. We have to make that right.

Nothing can make that right.

We are the worst people in the world if we don't try.

But that's no reason to--

I love you.

Is that a reason?

I love you.

Tony, please.

We've killed one marriage, let's not kill another.

I mean, you could ruin my life. I could lose everything.

I can give you everything.

Everything.

Come with me.

No, Tony. No.

- I choose Declan, I don't choose you. - [door opens, closes]

[Declan] What's going on?

Maud?

What's he doing here?

Well, he's just leaving.

Um... He's gonna go.

Um, thank you for your offer, Tony, but I-I won't take it.

What's he offering?

Another cheap melodrama, is it?

Declan, stop.

A starring role.

A lady of the manor, but she doesn't want it.

She'd rather roll around in the mud with you.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Congratulations.

I wish you every joy.

[sighs]

What's he talking about?

Maud?

[breathing shakily]

I was going to tell you.

That's why I asked you to come inside because I had to tell you.

You and Baddingham?

It was a mistake, and I was going to tell you--

When did it happen?

After Midsummer Night's Dream.

We were fighting, you and me, we were in trouble.

So, you slept with Tony?

I was angry with you. I just...

I wanted your attention.

Well, you've fucking got it now.

[sighs] I'm sorry.

I just... I never meant for it to happen.

It was just, you know, when-when you're working together...

[stammers] ...like you and Cameron.

Nothing happened with Cameron.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you're better than me.

Because you've never done anything stupid.

Well, I did something stupid and then I couldn't get out of it.

How long were you in it?

Just a few months.

A few months?

All that time since the Shakespeare?

[breathes deeply] He came to see me go on as Nora,

the night you didn't because of work. You remember?

So, this is my fault?

Oh, and he made me feel special, like he actually saw how special I was.

And I'm not trying to excuse it--

So, it is my fault?

Well, okay. Yes, Declan, it's a little bit your fault.

You weren't there when I needed you. You haven't been for a long time.

I am not a fucking robot. I have needs.

Listen to yourself. You "have needs".

We've all got needs.

Most of us manage to feed them without causing chaos everywhere we go.

I mean, you must've known.

I mean, somewhere, you knew.

You could've chosen anybody and you went for him.

Maybe he was the only man left you hadn't fucked already.

- Declan... - How could you?

You said it.

I fucked people before, you've never minded before.

Of course I fucking minded!

Sometimes you liked it when other men wanted me.

Sometimes it suited you that I was busy, so that you could work.

I am not having this old fight with you, how I cheat on you with my work!

Why? Why? Because it is the only one we never resolve.

I mean, over and over again

you say you're gonna do something about it and you never do!

People have to work, Maud.

Ugh. And that's the difference now, isn't it?

This time, I fucked your work, so finally it matters.

Were you spying for him?

Oh...

Is that how you got your parts?

Was I spying for him?

Did you give him our application?

Did you steal our tapes?

Jesus! Believe it or not,

we had other things on our mind than your fucking franchise application!

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. You wanna hit me? Go on, big man.

- I fucking will hit you! - Wallop me.

- [whimpering] - [panting]

[crying] Fucking hell.

Fuck.

Did Monica know?

Is that what she was doing coming here?

Oh, God.

She was driving here with Caitlin because she found out, right?

She wasn't supposed to.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Maud.

Oh, God, what have you done? She died.

I didn't know there was going to be a storm.

Oh, God. [sniffs]

Oh, my God, I feel sick.

[sniffs] Fucking hell.

[stammers]

I love you, Declan.

I don't love him.

"Love him"?

"Love him"? The man's a fucking monster!

Did you fuck him in the house?

Answer me.

Did you fuck him in the house?

[breathes shakily]

Yeah.

Caitlin?

They're not here. You know, I think we've searched everywhere.

And, you know, Caitlin's a big girl.

She's probably inside with the dog--

Taggie, Taggie, please, just come back just for one moment, please.

- Okay. - Please?

Yeah. [chuckles]

Look, you're amazing.

Your family really has no idea how lucky they are to have you looking after them.

I mean that. But maybe sometimes you should do something for yourself instead.

Just... maybe.

Lizzie's always telling me that.

Does Lizzie want to kiss you as well, or is that just me?

[♪ dramatic music plays]

[Maud screams]

Stop, Declan!

- Help! Help me! [screaming] - [Declan] Maud!

- Help me! Help me! [screaming] - Come here! Come here! [shouting]

- Maud! - Help me!

- Come here! Maud. Come back. - Help me! [shouting, screaming]

[Declan] Fucking tell them! Why don't you fucking tell them then?

You tell them then! You tell them! You fucking tell them!

You fucking tell them! Keep your hands off me!

She's been fucking Tony Baddingham!

She's the one who gave him all of our secrets! My fucking wife!

- [Maud whimpering] - You traitor!

[crying]

[♪ opera music playing]