Original subtitles

I saw amazing things, out there in space.

There's strangeness to be found wherever you turn.

Life on Earth can be an adventure, too.

You need to know where to look.

Bubble Shock.

She's got the telly working, that's the first priority.

Plenty to shift! Plenty more boxes.

Find the kettle, I'm parched.

- Maria! - Coming!

Pass me that lamp, it's fragile.

The cutlery's in the boot, go and fetch it.

- Living room? - No, kitchen, can't you read?

Don't go through the front, go round the side.

I did say. Mind you, not bad.

- Mum! Stop fancying the removal men! - They love it.

Besides, they're getting paid. Cutlery, go on!

Hiya.

Put it by the window, thanks.

Thank you, boys.

Come on then. All done.

Congratulations, our new home.

Look at me, it's nearly six, I'd better be off.

- Can't you stay for tea? - Ivan's cooking me dinner.

But you are going to love it, I promise.

- I liked the old house. - Mum wanted the money.

Now don't start.

This is a better area, that place was holding you back.

- They were my friends. - You'll get better friends!

You'll settle in, don't worry.

And you.

You still can't make a cup of tea.

Can you give me that cheque?

My cheque book is buried in a box.

Post it. Tomorrow, if you could.

- Sure. - Angel. Bye-bye! Big kiss!

You and me, eh?

Come on.

Bubble Shock.

For maximum performance.

No added sugar. No concentrate.

Bubble Shock. Contains Bane!

For maximum performance.

How would you know if you were going mad?

Ask your mother, she's the expert.

I'll tell her you said that.

What if you see something you know can't be happening,

only it is happening, only it can't be?

I dunno, go ask them.

- That's our first visitors! - If it's Angelina Jolie,

tell her I'm not interested. Go on.

- You moved in yesterday? - Yeah.

I saw you. I'm Kelsey. Hiya.

- I'm Maria. - You got broadband?

- Yeah. - Brilliant!

You haven't got music channels.

What's the point, if you haven't got them?

- Dad says it costs. - Nag him.

You'll be dead in school, if you haven't.

- Do you want some of this? - No, thanks, I don't like it.

I love it. Want to come into town?

I haven't got any money.

We'll get the Bubble Shock Bus. It's free. Get your stuff.

What, a free bus?

To the Bubble Shock factory. You get free samples. Come on!

I want to show you Darren, he works in the bike shop.

Dad, I'm going out.

You heading off without me?

We're going into town.

- Without a proper goodbye? - Dad.

I'm so shamed for you.

- Who's your friend? - This is Kelsey.

Did they tell you about the people that used to live here?

- No. - They went mad. Ran away.

Mum's friend, Kath Pontin, lives there,

said the bloke kept going on about seeing aliens.

- From space! - What sort of aliens?

Like it's real! Come on, we're going to miss it.

Hi. We moved in opposite, I'm Maria Jackson.

- Hello. - Hi!

Hello. Nice to meet you, I'm Alan Jackson.

I hope you won't make much too noise.

I work from home, I don't like to be disturbed.

- Okay, nice to be made welcome. - Sorry.

Sarah Jane Smith.

- See ya, then! - Yeah.

- Where are you going? - Bubble Shock factory!

Free bus!

I'm sure we'll get on, it's just me and Maria now.

Making a new start. Bit of a divorce.

Don't worry, it's sorted. There's no shouting.

What kind of work do you do?

Really? Really, well.

Must be fascinating.

Nice to meet you too.

You got my number. Don't give it to anyone in Year Eight.

That's the mad woman. Always racing about.

She's a bit glamorous. What does she do?

Journalist or something.

Kath Pontin says she never has anyone round.

Never talks to anyone. Sakkib saw her by the station,

she was talking to this crystal and it moved.

What, like a monster or something?

Here it is!

Get on. All aboard for Bubble Shock.

I don't get how this Bubble Shock stuff works.

I don't care. It makes you feel wide-awake. It tastes fab.

- It's disgusting. - You're one of the 2%.

Doesn't work on 2% of the people. Anyway, it's organic.

So that makes it all right, the magic word "organic"?

It's natural. And that's good. So there.

Drink it, drink it.

There it is. Bubble Shock!

Welcome to Bubble Shock.

Any visitors must report to central processing.

Access beyond the visitor area is forbidden.

I knew it.

Welcome to the Bubble Shock Experience.

Step through the archway.

Just a security scan. One at a time.

Thank you.

Security scan in a pop factory?

People want to steal the recipe!

Come on, it doesn't hurt.

First lot going through.

Transmitting data to the Archetype, in five, four, three,

two, one, and transmit.

Is it working?

Oh, yes. He's almost fully mature.

I would even say... perfect.

Mother will be pleased.

Oops.

Mrs Wormwood? We have an intruder.

Dispose of them.

She says her name is Sarah Jane Smith.

Does she indeed?

Bring her to my office. Make her welcome.

This should be fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Bubble Shock!

- It's huge. - I've seen it loads of times.

A quick reminder, turn off your mobile phones.

All of you. We have extremely sensitive equipment.

The signals can interfere with the machinery.

What's a mobile going to do, make the bubbles go flat?

That's enough lip at the back, just do it.

- That's rude. - I don't care, he's a total muffin.

Everyone, this is the main production area!

Before we go any further, I'd like to offer you more samples.

Help yourselves.

Bubble Shock revitalises your taste buds

and gives you energy morning, noon and night.

Only Bubble Shock contains Bane, etcetera.

That's it, keep moving, thank you.

Don't touch anything, how many times?

Oi.

- No Bubble Shock? - No, ta.

I'm one of the 2% with the wrong taste buds.

Don't worry, we're working on it.

Soon we'll have everyone drinking Bubble Shock.

- The whole world. - I'd rather have a cup of tea.

Thank you. That's very kind.

Think of yourself as our guest.

I wasn't breaking in, I was trying to reach someone in charge.

I phoned a hundred times, no one would talk to me.

I've seen the list, phone calls, emails.

Miss Sarah Jane Smith makes her presence felt.

- Do you mind if I take notes? - Not at all.

Since you've been so bold, make this an official interview.

And it's Mrs Wormwood?

That's correct.

That's in the Bible, Wormwood. The Book of Revelations.

At the end of the world, it describes a star

falling to Earth and poisoning the waters.

- A star called Wormwood. - Fascinating.

Shall we move on to business?

I've got contacts in the City.

They said this company dropped in from nowhere.

Normally, it takes years of tests to get approval from the EU

to market a new foodstuff. You got it in two weeks.

- All we're doing is satisfying a need. - Which is?

The people are hungry, Miss Smith. For new food, new drinks, new tastes.

All the Western world does is eat.

All day, every day, eating.

They gorge and feast and chew and bite, everything sweet and hot and cold

and sticky food and drink, just food and drink, that's the human race.

- They devour. Who are we to deny them? - So you invented Bane?

The Bane in Bubble Shock isn't new, Miss Smith. No, it's very, very old.

Come and see.

For all the hype, Bane is completely natural.

-100% organic. - Yes, but organic what?

Don't be silly. I can hardly give away our recipe.

I checked with some scientists.

Your social circle sounds fascinating.

They tried to analyse Bubble Shock.

What's the point of analysis?

It's all chemicals and sweeteners and E-numbers.

The test of a drink is in the tasting.

- Have you tried it? - Oh, no. Definitely not.

But you must. Lesley!

Oh, no, really, thanks, I'm fine.

No, no, no, no. But I insist!

A good journalist should submit to the complete experience.

Drink Bubble Shock, Miss Smith. Drink deep.

Bane has received ringing endorsements.

We're not supposed to advertise, but we make an exception for this!

You've got to try Bubble Shock, it's delicious!

Drink it!

Mrs Wormwood. I'd rather die.

Well, we can't have that. Can we?

Scientists said that Bane behaves oddly when they test it.

As if it's resisting analysis. And nothing could do that.

At least nothing on Earth.

What are you suggesting, Miss Smith?

That Bane originated in outer space?

Of course not. That would be ridiculous.

Wouldn't it though?

The water and fruit juice ends up here, where Bane is added.

It's bottled, quality-controlled, packed up,

ready to be distributed all over the British Isles.

We'll be done in 20 minutes.

I'll call Suki, she can meet us in WHSmith's.

- You can't use your phone. - What are you, a Girl Guide?

- They'll take it off you. - He's not going to see.

Suki's dead rich!

Go ahead and print your story.

But consider your career.

Are you going to expose this as some kind of alien plot?

You'll be considered insane.

I don't care what people think of me. Never have.

I just want to find the truth.

But at such a cost. I take it you're single?

- Yes, I am. - No children?

- No. - Such a wasted life.

Miss Smith is leaving. Lesley will show you out.

By the way, what planet do you come from?

Nice try.

Lesley.

Kill her.

Blimey. Don't put this on the tour, do they?

Hiya, Suki.

I'm sorry. We have some kind of emergency.

That's it, keep moving, please, thank you.

Get them out. Get everyone out!

Kelsey.

Kelsey?

What is it? What's happening?

- Mrs Wormwood. She escaped. - Sarah Jane Smith!

Kelsey?

Find that woman, and this time, kill her properly!

Kelsey?

- What have you done? - Get that thing away from me!

She is not a thing! You are the thing!

She is my mother, the mother of us all!

- Sir! - Well, turn it off!

That's my phone!

There's nothing to be scared of, Mother. Our precious Bane Mother.

Kelsey? You there?

Close off the exits.

Maintain position. Section 17 report!

- Um. Hello. - Um. Hello.

- Who are you? - Who are you?

- I'm lost. - I'm lost.

I'll turn off vat number 4.

Shroud yourself, Mother. We will destroy the source.

Mrs Wormwood. Situation under control.

I don't think so. The Archetype has escaped. Find him!

For the Bane Mother's sake, turn off these alarms!

Find the device. B squad, C squad.

I'm not with them. I can help you!

Got to find a place to hide.

Yes! Come on!

We'll be safe in here for a bit.

One place men never go. Sorry for dragging you into the ladies.

Why do men never go to the ladies?

- What are you doing here? - I could ask you the same!

Who's he?

- Have you searched everywhere? - It must have left.

Impossible! There are still humans here.

I can smell them. And one particular person, still alive.

What have they done to you?

- I knew I had to get away. - That goes for all of us.

- Did you search in there? - It's for their females only.

We are males, their culture says we must never go in.

You idiot.

- Where does that lead? - Visitors' car park.

- Only a child could get through. - Or a slender female.

Come on. This way.

Quickly, seal the gates.

Move, get in!

My friend's in there. I only just met her, but I can't leave her.

Maybe she was on the bus.

- Now get in. - I can't!

- What's that thing? - Sonic lipstick. Now get in!

- Search the perimeter. - Move!

Retrieve the Archetype.

She's taken the Archetype.

Now we can have even more fun. Oh, even more.

Now then. Let's find out what you know, little girl.

Who is he? What was he doing there? What were they doing?

Leave it. Go home, Maria, I can handle things now.

There's something going on! I saw you last night!

- What did you say? - She said she saw you last night.

With that thing in your garden. That alien.

Now listen to me, Maria. My life is dangerous.

Rule one, I don't put anyone in danger. Especially not a kid.

I'm not a kid!

Go back home. Watch telly, do whatever you do. Live your life as normal.

Forget any of this happened. Have you got that?

Stay away from me, for your own sake!

Hey, I've worked out the oven, it was on a timer. Maria?

I want compensation for that phone.

That was brand new! And he is a prize mentalist.

He's got this big puppet living in his roof.

- He thinks it's his mum. - Puppet?

She means Mother.

Yeah? Then you should go on Jeremy Kyle.

I can't understand a word she says. She's all noise and ignorance.

Whereas Miss Smith seems familiar with the concept of alien life.

Far too familiar.

If we scan her... An average human, except...

- What is it? - Residual artron energy.

- And what's that? - Background radiation.

Result of travels through the space-time vortex.

A while ago, but it's still there.

- A time-space traveller? - So it seems.

- We need to find her. - She lives on Bannerman Road.

- Pardon? - Banner-man Road. She's as loony as you lot.

We must retrieve the Archetype and kill this Smith woman.

I've been aching to kill one since we arrived.

This one has information. We could use her.

You can let me go, otherwise I'm phoning the police, and ChildLine!

I'm going to turn off my image translator. Try not to scream.

I never scream.

Someone said there's a miserable girl who needs a cup of tea.

I couldn't find one so you'll have to do.

- Thanks. - What is it, then?

I know. New house. New school, next week.

Everything must seem so weird.

- You're telling me. - If there's anything wrong,

you can tell me. You know that. You can tell me anything.

Oh! It felt so good to be myself. These clumsy human oxen.

The girl's unconscious. I'm surprised you didn't kill her.

These miniature versions have parents. Parents ask questions.

- What did we learn? - The thoughts of a child are chaos.

Late homework. Is she fat? Will she ever be kissed?

She worships something called the Holy Oak.

No, Hollyoaks.

She wishes she was younger, she wishes she was older.

This world scares her so very much.

- Sarah Jane Smith? - She knows her.

Bannerman Road. Number 13. Yes!

She lives alone. No support, no defences.

- Then I can attack! - Oh, yes. Have some fun.

And I filleted the memories.

This one will remember nothing.

Oh. Right. Hiya.

I am so ashamed. I'm asleep in your office.

We've looked after you. And don't worry, Davey can take you home.

Off you go, Davey. Bannerman Road. Enjoy.

But you must have a name.

If I'm Sarah Jane, then you're...

All I know is I had to run.

But you can talk, someone must have taught you that.

- Who was it? - Everyone.

What does that mean, everyone?

I am everyone.

And then I had to run.

The girl came, Maria, and then you.

Well, think back. Before you ran, what can you remember?

I was born running.

But you must have a home.

- Is this your home? - Yes, it is.

- Can I live here? - No, I don't think so. Sorry.

Help yourself.

- Is this food? - Food and drink.

Which is which?

- Sarah Jane? - Who's that?

- No one. - There was a voice.

No, there wasn't.

- Sarah Jane? - Not now!

- I thought you lived alone. - I do.

Whatever happens, you're not to go upstairs.

It's private. You don't ever go upstairs, unless I say so.

- You don't trust me? - I don't even know you.

Hold on. Now don't be afraid.

Not alien. A normal, healthy lad.

Human, ageing rate normal, but...

This says you were born 360 years ago.

No.

You were born 360 minutes ago.

Is that good or bad?

Bannerman Road. Off you go.

I don't have to be home till six.

We could go for a burger.

Get out. And don't forget...

Drink Bubble Shock.

Here comes trouble.

- Kelsey! - Thanks for abandoning me!

Some friend you are!

I'm making a snack. Do you want beans on toast?

- Too many carbohydrates. - You can starve.

The alarms went off, I was running round, looking for you.

He's all right, your dad. A bit fit.

Shut up! Where'd you get to, Kelsey?

The factory. What happened?

- You can read? - I can now.

- You just learnt? - It's easy. Letters and words.

Forgive me, but if you don't mind,

lift up your top so I can see your stomach.

- No belly button. - Is that good or bad?

Everyone who's born has got a belly button.

- Why not me? - Sorry, but I don't think you were born.

I think you were grown.

I was mortified to wake up in her office.

- They drove me home. - Who did?

- The muffin. - The man from the tour? He's here?

Yeah, what about it?

- Dad, I'm going out! - Eh? What?

Sarah Jane! Open up! It's me, it's Maria!

You are completely shaming me!

I told you, leave me alone.

It's the man from the factory, he's here.

Inside! Get in!

What is it? What is that thing?

- Hello, Maria. Hello, Screaming Girl. - There's a great big alien out there!

What is it?

Get upstairs!

- We're not allowed. - I'm allowing you. Go!

- What is that thing? - Shut up and move!

All of you, run! Fast as you can.

He's coming up the stairs. We're gonna die!

What is that thing?

He's coming.

Wait here.

- What's up there? - You can't go up. I'll be 10 seconds.

You will die! You and the squealing pigs.

This is not happening. This is so not happening.

But that contradicts the facts.

First the children and then you, old woman.

Hey! Less of the old.

- It's the muffin! - That is a muffin?

Pity. That was the last one.

- What's going on? - Maria, don't get involved.

It's a little bit too late for that.

Thanks. You saved our lives.

I suppose I did.

Oh, my flipping heck. - Don't go up there!

Who said you could come up here? Don't touch anything!

- These things, are they alien? - Some of them.

- Where did you get them? - You've seen too much now.

It's not as if anyone's going to believe you.

Aliens are falling to Earth all the time.

It's not just those stories you hear on the news.

Some creatures have got lost, like the one you saw me sending home last night.

Some crash-land, and some want to invade.

- You still believe me? - Yes.

- Really? How come? - 'Cause you're bonkers,

but I don't think you're a liar.

No, except about the bonkers bit.

- This place is beautiful. - Thank you.

- Not bad yourself. - What does that mean?

- He's mine. - Is that good or bad?

That's bad. It's just you, though?

On your own?

The government knows all about aliens.

There are secret organisations dedicated to finding them,

but they tend to go in guns blazing.

I think there's a better way of doing it.

But how did you get started?

I met this man.

A very special man. Called the Doctor.

Years ago, we travelled together.

- In space? - Space and time.

And then it came to an end.

Suddenly I was back to a normal life,

electric bills, burst pipes, bus tickets and rain.

- She is completely loop-the-loop. - There? Do you see?

Who can I talk to about it? For years I tried to forget.

And then I met him again, the Doctor. We'd both changed,

but it's funny, because we were still both the same.

I learnt I could carry on here on Earth, doing what we always did.

That's when I started this. I began again.

And the Bubble Shock factory - it's run by aliens.

Everyone's an alien. You, me, the Pope, James Blunt.

I can believe that one.

You saw it! That alien creature!

I saw a muffin in a suit! Like in the films, it's pretend!

- He's circled back! - Another invasion, obviously. Little green men!

A scientific project in Switzerland created their own black hole.

If it gets free, the Earth would be swallowed up.

- So K9's sealing it off. Greetings, mistress.

- K9? - He's my friend.

K9 as in canine? Oh, that is so lame.

He's been in there for a year and a half, plugging the distortion,

and every so often he passes my way.

Your best friend's a metal dog stuck in a black hole?

I know.

How are you, K9? How do you feel?

Misunderstanding of the functional nature of this unit. I do not feel.

All circuits are functioning at full capacity.

- Can you ever come out, K9? - This is Maria.

Greetings, mistress. I cannot emerge until this breach is sealed.

- How long will that take? - I cannot estimate the duration.

- What does he eat, nuts and bolts? - The small female is hostile.

Don't listen to her.

Regret I must transfer co-ordinates.

Bye-bye, K9. Good dog.

Affection noted, mistress.

- How long's he gone for? - I don't know. I miss him.

Don't you laugh, Kelsey Hooper.

But he was my dog, my daft little metal dog.

And now, I'm on my own.

You know the penalty.

Forgive me. But she had weapons. Terrible weapons.

A hunter that loses his prey is unfit to serve the Bane Mother.

- I'll go back. I'll kill her. - I can manage that on my own.

Mother eats the children that fail her. You will become food.

What's this, then?

It's a communicator. A gift from the person you saw last night.

She said if I ever needed help, I could use it to call her.

- Then let's call her. - She meant help with poetry.

She was a Star Poet from Arcateen 5.

That's not much use. Unless you want to rhyme "trouble" with "double".

Let me see.

Careful.

He knows nothing about the world. Everything's new to him.

I think he's an experiment, like, those aliens created him.

- He's their child. - He's still human.

If you don't mind.

I don't like people going through my things.

- That device on your wrist detects alien life? - That's right.

- Then what is it detecting now? - How do you mean?

- There might be one of those things out there! - No, wait a minute.

- What? - Kelsey! You're an alien!

- Oh, you wish! - No, it's not her.

That's mine!

It's the drink. It's that ingredient Bane.

- Yeah, it's organic. - More than that. It's alive.

Species identified: Bane. It's not just an ingredient, it's an alien!

This is the secretion of... I need glasses.

A Bane Mother.

There's a piece of living Bane inside every bottle of Bubble Shock.

I've been drinking that stuff. And it's alien?

- I thought you didn't believe in aliens. - Shut up.

I've got things from outer space in my stomach!

- What you gonna do about it? - It's not my fault.

You've got all this stuff, and you sit here,

yapping on all day about planets and monsters, what good is that?

- Why don't you do something? - All right, Kelsey.

Just you watch.

- Mr Smith. I need you! - Yes, Sarah Jane?

- Mr Smith's a computer. - An alien computer.

Mr Smith, I want a direct visual link to Mrs Wormwood at the Bane factory.

- Can you get coordinates? - Accessing.

You can just phone her up?

Mr Smith can hack into anything.

- Why do you want to talk to them? - I want to be fair.

...7689014658757562987032105 dash 5.

- That's like their phone number. - Visual link connecting.

- Mrs Wormwood. - Very clever.

- Thanks for the assassination attempts. - My pleasure.

The next one will involve harpoons.

I know who you are and what you are.

Bane. Now leave this planet!

- Are you declaring war? - Mrs Wormwood, the universe is huge.

And Earth is so small. You don't need to do this.

I'm asking you, as one species to another, just leave this world.

- Leave us in peace. Please. - And if I don't?

Then...

I'll have to do something.

Very well.

In the language of your young ones,

bring it on.

Now, that didn't go well.

- How're you gonna stop them? - You tell me.

What? You haven't got a plan? Nothing?

No. The people I fight have plans and weapons, but I don't.

It's what makes me different.

Mother, events have escalated.

We must declare war on mankind.

Open your mind, Mother.

You must convert the humans containing Bane.

They will convert the rest! Let this become...

Bane World!

Kelsey Hooper! Look!

- Help me. - Oh, my God. It's beginning.

Kelsey, fight it!

- Drink it. - The Bane are taking people over.

Out! Quickly! Out!

Drink it, drink it, drink it, drink it.

- I've got to get to the factory. - I'll come.

You are staying here!

Dad! Stay indoors, there's all this stuff happening.

- Drink it. - Dad. No, Dad.

Mother stirs!

Those who have not taken Bane must be converted!

Drink it.

Dad, listen. It's not you, it's the drink, it's the Bane.

Drink it, drink it.

We can't help them. The only thing we can do is get to the factory.

- Now get in the car! - Drink it, drink it, drink it.

- This is bad, yes? - What are we gonna do?

There are two types of people in the world.

People who panic. And then there's us. Got that?

Got it.

Drink it. Drink it.

Mother welcomes her new children.

Come to us, newborn Bane.

Come to us!

- I'm going inside. You stay here. - No way!

Drink it.

- They've got a deadlock seal! - What does that mean?

- We can't get in! - Sarah Jane!

Drink it. Drink it.

We can't go back and we can't get in. What do we do?

No. There's got to be a way of getting in.

There must be something. What do I do?

Oh, come on, Doctor, help me. Come on!

Think!

Drink it. Drink it. Drink it.

Yes!

Humans who don't submit will be reduced to liquid.

Then Bane will drink them, and... What's that noise?

- Not too late for the party? - Miss Smith.

- I warned you. Leave this planet! - Have you met my mother?

- Leave her alone! - I told you to stay on board.

Too late for that!

You've brought us the Archetype.

He is a living, thinking human being. And you created him. What for?

He's an assembly of thousands of humans.

A montage, you might say, a collage.

On every tour of the factory, we'd scan the guests, all 10,000 of them.

Then we fed every strength, and every weakness into him. The Archetype.

- I am everyone. - But why?

The 2% that wouldn't touch Bane.

The Archetype could tell us how to modify our product.

But since we've advanced our plans, he is no longer needed.

No, no.

He's only a boy. I'm begging you, let him go.

Oh, that's so sweet.

But he's dying, and soon you will join him, like all our enemies.

Our slave control is activated around the world.

The time of man is over.

The time of Bane is come!

Drink it. Drink it. Drink it. Drink it.

You've failed, Miss Smith. This is where your lonely life has led you.

Except she's not on her own. She's got me.

And I've got this.

The device is tiny. Now you've angered the Bane Mother.

Do you really think that's wise?

- I told you to stay away. - Know what? I'm still glad I didn't.

Mother, descend! And consume them!

- You forgot this. - What is that?

- A signal device from another world. - What of it?

Like a mobile phone.

Only to call across the stars, a million times more powerful.

- You don't know our frequency. - Mr Smith said it out loud.

- That was dozens of numbers. - I remember them.

You gave me the memory of 10,000 humans.

Stop him!

...757562987032105 dash 5.

Calling the Bane!

The Bane Mother! You're killing her!

Archetype! I order you to stop!

But you made him human, he's ours!

Maria! Give me a hand.

Come on.

Until the next time...

Miss Smith.

Did we stop them?

- Are you all right? - Their control has gone and I'm free.

- That's good. - Oh, yes, that's good!

I would be dead without you. We all would. You're amazing!

The pair of you! Amazing!

- This is happiness, yes? - Oh, yes!

- We did it! - We did it! We did it!

The government has refused to comment,

but Bubble Shock has been withdrawn from our shelves

and the mass hysteria of this afternoon

is being put down to a chemical imbalance of the brain...

Dad!

Whoa! Hey!

- What's brought this on? - I thought I'd lost you.

I had a bit of a turn. It's all over the news.

Chemicals escaped from that factory and gave everyone hallucinations.

- Oh, hello. - Hello. Just checking everything's all right.

- That's very neighbourly. - Sorry about before.

Welcome to the neighbourhood.

It's been eventful. Is it always like this?

No, this is a quiet day.

- And who's this? - This...

is... I suppose... This is my son.

My adopted son.

- Hello. - And what's your name?

- I don't have one. - Sorry, it's an old family joke.

- He's called... - Look at you, leaving your front door open!

Did you hear about the chemicals?

Oh, it was a nightmare.

I had Ivan chasing me, saying, "Drink it".

I told him to get off, but he wasn't having it.

Haven't you unpacked yet?

I did say, the longer things stay in boxes, the less it feels like a home.

- And you are? - Sarah Jane Smith. I'm from over the road.

This is my mother.

- What's he wearing? - The clothes I was born in.

Right.

Thank you very much, but I've had a bit of a trauma.

- Family time. Thanks for calling in. - Okay, we'll be off.

- This woman is rude. - Yes. Definitely going. Come on.

You don't have to.

Invite the neighbours round, you'll never get rid of them.

Next thing, it's holidays together. That is a recipe for disaster.

No offence, nice to meet you, Sarah Lou.

He was chasing me round the bedroom with a bottle of pop.

Next thing you know, her-next-door's doing the same thing.

Oh! While I'm here, I'll have that cheque.

Can't you give it a week? I had to pay the removal men.

Well, you should've planned! That's Alan, no plans.

But Ivan's booked this villa. It's gorgeous, but we've got to pay the deposit so...

Cheers.

And it's normal pop.

Hooray for normal pop.

How's your friend, Kelsey?

She's back-tracking, saying it was all hallucinations.

- No such thing as aliens. - But we know better.

Oh, that's more like it!

- This is good? - Yup!

How are you gonna adopt him, then? You need forms and things.

Who are you gonna say his real mum is? The Bane Mother?

Mr Smith's sorted that.

Officially done and dusted.

- All he needs now is a name. - You can choose your own.

- I like yours. Maria. - Maybe not.

- How about Jack? Josh? Nathan? - Harry? Alistair? Luke?

- I like Luke. - I like Luke.

If you like Luke, I like Luke.

The name I was going to choose if ever I had kids.

- Except it never happened. - But now it has.

- Luke Smith. You're a mum! - I am.

I never asked, have you got a boyfriend, or...

Oh, there was only ever one man for me.

And after him, nothing compared.

When I was your age, I used to think, "When I'm grown up,

"I'll know what I want. "

But you never really know what you want, you never feel grown up or sort it all out.

So I thought, I can handle life on my own.

But after today, I don't want to.

What's that?

It's just a plane.

- That's a flying machine, right? - Perhaps it's a spaceship.

I saw amazing things, out there in space.

But there's strangeness wherever you turn.

Life on Earth can be an adventure, too.

You just need to know where to look.