Original subtitles

Melissa, smart people told me writing

and making amends is a part of the process.

I'm not sure if you'll ever read this,

but somehow writing you keeps me honest with myself.

People say that it gets better with time.

They'll even quote some canned prayer or Bible verse

they stole off of a cheap card,

but as time passed, friends and family became strangers.

I hated anyone's happiness,

and even became jealous of your strength.

How does a person even describe that kind of pain?

All right, guys, we got about an hour.

That kind of resentment turns to rage.

They'll never tell you how cold and empty it leaves you,

that it feels just like fear.

And you don't recognize who you are.

Let's spend the day in bed.

Oh god, don't tempt me!

What were we thinking, trying to start a business?

Uh, we were gonna be millionaires.

We're gonna be fine.

Thank you.

For what?

Taking that job.

Oh god, can you get him ready this morning?

I really need to jog.

I can and I will.

Time to get up.

Aw, a bit longer?

Ain't gonna happen.

We're already running late and I gotta swing by

and feed Mrs. Smith's cat.

You're still doing that?

She's in the hospital.

Come on. Hustle.

So now that we've gone over

the nine sells for steps one through three,

that brings us to the final one for this chapter.

As a business owner,

you must be prepared to make sacrifices.

Another good business idea is just that, an idea.

Crap!

Cody, breakfast is ready! I need you to hustle.

Don't need you missing the bus again.

Dad, relax.

Look at you. You're like a little ninja, aren't you?

All right, eat your breakfast.

Have a great day, honey, Love you.

Love you, too.

Mom, Dad used crunchy again, and my eggs are burnt!

They're not burned, they're seared,

and what have I told you about snitches?

They get stitches.

That's right. They do.

Thank you. Gotta go take a shower.

All right. Well, have a great day.

Cody. Cody!

Pay attention for the bus, okay?

Cody!

Morning, Brad.

Good morning.

Oh, hey, while I got you here,

I've got an open shift on Sunday if you wanna take it.

It'll put me into overtime.

I'll make sure the overtime's taken care of.

Nice. I appreciate you thinking of me.

Yeah, no problem. Here's your log.

Whoa, hey! I'm the one that authorizes overtime.

Hi, you the CO guy we hired a couple of weeks ago?

Yes, sir.

Robert.

Brad.

I have been working here for two years.

Never seen a Navy guy apply before, much less a SEAL.

Suppose there's a first for everything.

You know, after college,

I thought about doing the whole Navy SEAL thing,

but, uh, you know that goes.

Doctor said I had bad arches.

Oh, are you a gamer?

Because last year my team finished 18th at the convention.

We're down a sniper right now.

Robert, right?

I really need to get started on these patrols

if I'm gonna finish in time.

Oh yeah, man, I get it.

It's just, uh, just so you know,

the guys from the office on, uh, my team

tend to get a little more overtime.

Wow, that is tempting. I'll be on channel three.

Sounds good.

Hey!

Melissa, I've got $1.23 for the gas in my car.

Can you put some money on the card

so I can sleep next to my wife tonight?

No problem, sweetie. I'll put 50 on.

Hey, other phone's ringing. Gotta go.

Plants and Flowers, may I help you?

Speaking.

Yes.

Yes, I have outstanding invoices that should cover it.

If you could just give us one more month, I think we,

yes, but...

No.

So you're telling me that either we're gonna lose our house

or we're gonna lose our business?

Yes, I do understand your position.

Thank you.

Hey, honey, can you grab

the salt and pepper please?

Sure.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Cody, you wanna say grace tonight?

Yeah.

All right.

God is good. God is great.

Thank you for the food on our plate, amen.

Oh, and keep Mom and Dad safe,

and help them with the garden shop, amen.

Amen.

Thank you, Cody.

Let me see your plate. Do you remember Stanley?

Your Navy friend that you used to ride with?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

I talked to him this morning.

Oh, how's he doing?

Good, he's heading down to the gulf

for a fishing trip and wants to swing by the house.

Is he gonna stay for lunch or dinner?

No.

He's stopping by to pick up the bike.

I sold it to him this morning.

Honey, I'm sorry, I know how much you loved that bike,

but thank you so much.

- He's got a gun! - Look out!

Medic!

I'm, I'm okay with it.

- Stay with me! - Ow!

Stay with me!

- Brad! - Stay with me!

Brad, you are hurting me!

- Stay with me! - Brad, it's me!

God, Brad!

Oh my god.

- Are you okay? - I'm okay.

I'm so sorry.

What were you dreaming about?

I was in this attack

and we were being overrun.

Denver was there, only he was still alive.

I'm sorry.

Oh, damn, I can never get my rifle

to work right in these dreams.

I really miss him.

Johnson!

Stan, what's up, brother?

Yo, how you doing, man?

I'm doing great!

See you still got this piece of shit.

Yeah, I figure once, uh, Cody gets a little bit older,

we're gonna rebuild it together.

And she is looking good.

Come on, man. You know me.

Yeah.

I know you're, uh, going through some stuff right now.

We all been there.

Hey, just think of me as her babysitter

and then, uh, you get her back

once you get to a better place.

Thank you. Hey, you want a beer?

Nah, I'm good.

You sure? They're cold.

Yeah, yeah, man, I can't do that anymore.

You got anything else?

I got water for pussies.

Yeah, well, I got money for a little Johnson.

Trade ya.

All right.

So what's going on with your leg?

Eh, it's actually my lower back.

Fucking VA, man.

You know, you remember when I, uh, lifted Steven's fat ass

over that wall in Sadr City and messed up my back?

Yeah, that was the day you took a round in the vest.

Yeah, I got lucky on that one.

Hey, man. I need to ask you something.

What's up?

You, uh, you ever have nightmares,

like, uh, considering all the stuff we been through?

I mean, I guess it'd be weird if you didn't, huh?

But have you started to like them?

That's why God made whiskey.

That was fun.

I'm sorry, honey.

Yeah. See if we can keep it in the budget from now on.

He paid cash?

Morning, killer.

Morning. Can I watch that history channel?

I don't know? Is there something wrong with your eyes?

May I?

There's some work to do in the yard first. I'm-

Not again!

Dammit, Melissa, did you pay the power bill?

With what, Brad?

- We don't have any money! - Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ! You know they're not open till Monday?

It, it's okay, Dad. I, I don't have to watch TV.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Look, it's not like we can cook anything here anyways.

We got money now.

Why don't we all just go out to dinner?

I think we could all use it.

Well, now that you mention it,

Sherri and Mike did ask if we wanted

to try a new restaurant with them.

Sherri the vegetarian?

She said they have a huge menu and I've heard

that their steaks are awesome.

Steak does sound pretty awesome,

but sitting with your snowflake, libtard friends doesn't.

Brad!

What? They are.

Run and change so you can help Dad finish the yard.

Are you okay?

I'm really sorry.

It's just a stupid bike.

Mom, Dad, since I can't watch TV all weekend,

can I get a cat?

A cat? What?

No, Cody, we have been over this!

But Mrs. Brower has a cat that had six kitties

and she says they're all free.

I could pick whichever one I want.

Well, Mrs. Brower's cats

probably prefer houses with electricity.

Confederate soldiers had a black cat at Fort McAllister.

They didn't have electricity.

Well, the Yanks took that fort down in 15 minutes.

Cats are evil, son.

I'm so glad you guys came out with us tonight.

Oh, me too. This was a much needed break.

So Melissa tells me that you make ridgery didgers?

What, that was this Mike, right?

While I'm finishing up my doctorate,

on the side I make didgeridoos.

What the hell is a didgeridoo?

Dad!

Uh, sorry, Cody. There's another dollar in the curse jar.

- Yes! - It's a wind instrument

made with hollowed-out wood.

It makes a sound like, um.

I know what you're talking about.

Has Melissa not shown you the pictures?

Sometimes when he's working late

and I'm feeling all alone and missing my boo,

I put one in the bed and it makes me feel like he's close.

That is so sweet! And weird.

Honey, it's not weird. I sleep with wood all the time.

Brad!

Mrs. Sherri, why are you snowflake libtard?

Well, I think the correct term is liberal,

and yes, we are.

You see, this is what I deal with.

Somebody needs to seriously watch

what they say around our son.

Mom, since our power's out, how do I charge this?

Will this all be on one check?

Yes.

We can split it?

I've got it.

Brad, we can split it.

I've got it.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Cody, when we get home, it's gonna be bedtime.

Excuse me. I need to use the restroom.

You all ready to go?

Oh, good lord, you're getting so big.

Hey, where are the stars?

It's raining. The clouds are covering them.

Do you think

there are Confederate constellations up there?

Huh, if there were, they'd figure out

a way to take them down by now.

Let's get you to bed.

We go to the pond tomorrow?

Tell you what. I get of work, we'll go.

I wanna grow up to be just like you.

I love you so much. Get some sleep.

Dad, can we please get a cat.

No.

♪ So young, I thought ♪

♪ My time to build ♪

♪ Empires that last ♪

♪ The fallen sword ♪

♪ And so proud and full ♪

I know someplace a little more comfortable.

Where?

I'll show you.

♪ To be proud of ♪

♪ To leave behind ♪

♪ And I'm so sorry ♪

There's a ton of food left.

Do either of you want a plate?

I'm not hungry.

Do you have anything for a headache?

This is my fault.

I'm drowning without him.

Oh honey, it's not your fault.

It was a stupid candle.

We could, oh my god, Cindy we could hear him screaming!

Mr and Mrs. Johnson?

Yes.

Hello. My name is Fatima.

We spoke on the phone.

Nice to meet you.

This way. Mr. Johnson.

Where are you from?

When she, when she called,

she was on the road, so maybe by 11.

Thank you for taking the time

to come and see me today.

I know how hard this must be for you, and I'm really sorry.

Oh, this has to be so difficult for the both of you.

And I'm, I wish I had some good news,

but your claim is under investigation,

and I'm glad you're here in person

so we can go over the details

and handle this matter as quickly as possible.

Why is our claim under investigation?

Unfortunately, Mrs. Johnson,

it's standard procedure for a claimant

who's as far behind on their mortgages

as you were when the incident happened.

Fuck you.

- Sir? - Brad!

It wasn't an incident. It was a fucking accident.

Brad, please don't... I didn't...

So sorry, I did not mean to imply-

Imply what?

That I burned my son alive for insurance money?

An incident is blowing a terrorist's head off

with a single shot from over 1,000 yards away.

An accident was killing the asshole that stood behind him.

Brad!

Look at me! Look at me!

Why can't I wake up from this nightmare?

Mommy, higher!

Hello, Brad, is that you? Hello?

Yeah.

Where are you? Are you okay?

I haven't heard from you in weeks.

I'm okay, Melissa.

Brad, we have to talk.

I'm still staying at my sister's.

Could you come here?

Tomorrow? Please?

Okay.

Hello. Have you been here before?

I just need a shower and something to eat.

Okay, sweetie, I just need you

to read the rules and then sign in here.

Uh, as you can see, there will be a mandatory church service

at 8:00 p.m. tonight.

Will you be staying the night?

No.

Are you sure? The beds are comfy.

Well, um, all right, Ted Nugent.

What's this?

Uh, it's a local group that helps veterans find work.

Pay's decent.

Who's Colonel McKinley?

He's the gentleman who founded it, um,

in memory of his son.

What happened?

He was killed in Fallujah.

Damn. You know him?

Yeah. Our families go way back.

Our kids grew up together.

Colonel's having a hard time with it.

Well, uh, for you,

and the, uh, showers are just down the hall

on the right after the disco ball.

I'm kidding.

It's just past the cafeteria.

Hey, are you a vet?

Yeah, I saw your tattoo in the shower.

You know, um, I was a Navy SEAL in Iraq.

We worked real close with the CIA

targeting HVTs in restricted areas.

Oh, I, I, I was some deep underground stuff like,

like black ops style.

An HVT is a, a high-value target.

I, I know what they are. Which team were you with?

The, um, the, uh, the 77th spec ops,

the, um, sniper battalion.

Your friend's a liar. Does they have a mental disorder?

I am not lying.

Yes, you are.

If you're not bat shit crazy, then you're a queer

that likes to stare at naked guys in the shower.

I am not a queer!

I was part of a secret team that nobody knows about.

There's only three of me in the entire world.

Oh, that's cute. Like "Charlie's Angels."

I'm not a liar!

Hey, hey, hey what's going on here?

Billy, have you taken your meds?

Eh, he is crazy. I thought he wanted to suck my dick.

Whoa! Listen, this here's a Christian organization.

We don't talk like that.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

What? And stealing valor's okay?

Look, I don't know you or your story,

but I do know you reek of alcohol,

and if I had to guess, you're probably high.

You're already violating our rules.

That man, he has problems that I'd be willing

to bet neither you nor I can pretend to understand,

but he's been sober for six months.

If you knew anything about the flavor of his mental illness,

then you'd know what an accomplishment that is.

So if he wants to steal a little valor

when he forgets to take his meds

because it makes him feel like someone

with a shred of dignity,

well, this retired Gunnery Sergeant's okay with that.

It's just been one of those days, you know?

Look, I've changed my mind. You don't have to go.

Yeah, I do.

I've missed you.

What's this?

Have a seat.

I know that with all that has happened here,

it deserves time to heal.

And I can't even begin to imagine the pain.

Everyone in this room loves you, Brad. You know that.

That's why we're all here today to tell you how we feel.

Cynthia.

Brad, I have loved you like a brother

ever since Melissa and you started dating.

You're an incredibly loving father

and a good husband to my sister.

But since that night you have changed.

We've all changed, but we can't go on like this.

Melissa needs you now. Please let us help you.

Melissa.

Brad, losing you like this is killing me.

You got fired from your job.

You're gone for weeks at a time

with an occasional drunken phone call.

I know you're hurting. We all are!

But we have to find a way to move past it.

I don't know why you left me,

but I love you,

and I need you.

Please don't give up on us.

You're my best friend, remember?

We've found a way for you to get help,

people that will help with the alcohol,

the drugs, and the loss.

You won't have to do this alone,

but if you don't let us help you,

if you don't agree to this help, our hands will be tied.

You will no longer be welcome in these folks' lives.

Bradley, I need you to look at me.

If you don't take this opportunity,

Melissa is prepared to ask for a divorce.

Wonder what our son would think about this.

No, no, do not bring Cody into this!

This is about us!

I lived through the nightmares,

the deployments, and,

and the never-ending training trips.

I feel like all I've done is wait on you, Brad,

and I'm tired of it.

You get this help or I want a divorce.

Listen, with Opie and Luke gone,

the team needs guys with my experience.

They need me.

We're having a baby, Brad.

- What? - We're having a baby?

- Really? - Yes!

It only took 10 years.

Oh my god! Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I've been a little sick and I had a hunch,

so I went to the doctor.

Bradley, please, please reconsider getting out. Please!

Baby, I am so happy for us right now.

I promise the next four years is it.

- No! - And we'll get out,

we'll start that little garden shop

that we always talked about.

It'll just be our family.

Oh my god, we're having a baby!

We're having a baby!

Oh my god.

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Hello?

Colonel?

Fuck!

Huh? Hey man, listen.

So my disability comes in a week, maybe sooner.

I got any credit?

Hey, man, are you stupid? This ain't no charity.

Where's the ride?

I sold it. You got the usual?

And some new shit.

Hey, man! There's two pink ones in there on the house.

Do not take them at the same time.

So what story

does the birthday boy wanna read tonight?

Let's read the make up a story game.

Oh, okay. Who's gonna start?

- All right. - You start.

All right? Let me think here, hmm.

Once upon a time, there was a king, a queen, and a prince.

You go?

All right, let's see, they all lived in the castle,

but outside the castle lived a scary monster.

Hmm. And the monster's name was Boogers!

Boogers smelled like the bathroom after Daddy used it.

Oh!

And Boogers liked to leave dishes in the sink

and pee on toilet seats.

- Ew! - Oh, I see

what's happening here.

Well, as it turns out, the queen was really an evil witch.

And she made everybody clean the castle all the time.

All the time.

All right, well, the queen was so mean

that she even made the king sleep on the couch.

She wouldn't!

She would.

Well, the queen would walk around the castle all the time

like,

"Oh my god, did you hear about so-and-so?

I can't believe that she would say that about her."

- I don't do that! - Let me try! Let me try!

Do I look fat in this dress?

Oh my gosh! That was a fun one.

Hey!

♪ You can hit ♪

♪ Only she, she's not my sweetheart ♪

♪ My sweetheart, so I'm back ♪

Goddammit, where the fuck are you hit?

I'm okay with this.

Goddammit, I need a fucking medic now!

I'm, I'm okay with it.

Or how about maybe when you're having these nightmares,

you take off all your clothes.

Why?

Because you can't fight in a war naked,

and maybe it'll change the dream for you.

What do you think, Denver, you think she's right

about getting naked?

Hey, guys, what's so funny?

Oh, uh, this, you gotta check this out, man.

Just a naked, homeless guy getting chased by a cop.

Yeah?

Hey, man, I smile 'cause you're my brother.

I laugh 'cause there ain't nothing you can do about it!

Whoo, whoo!

Yes, hi, I was wondering if I could check

to see if somebody's being held in your custody.

Bradley Johnson.

Okay. Thanks.

Uh, which day was he released?

That was five days ago. Do you have an address for him?

Uh, yeah, no.

It's okay. Understood.

Thanks for your help.

I laugh 'cause there ain't nothing you can do about it!

Do you remember Dad?

Not much. I mean, he was fat and yelled a lot.

Why did he leave?

Mom says it's 'cause he wasn't a Christian.

Do you miss him?

Not much.

He was mean. 'Sides, I got you, stupid.

I smile 'cause you're my brother.

I laugh because there's nothing

you can do about it.

Hi. Can I help you?

I'm looking for Mrs. Melissa Johnson.

- Rivera. - I'm sorry.

It's Melissa Rivera now.

Oh, I see. My apologies.

How can I help you?

My name is Jim Johnson.

Bradley was, is my brother.

Bradley didn't have a brother.

Yeah, well, it's a long story, ma'am,

but Bradley really is my brother, I promise.

Let's see, he joined the Navy.

I don't know, he, he had a birthmark under his armpit

shaped kind of like a Florida.

Our mom's name was Edith, and, and-

Why wouldn't Bradley have told me that he had a brother?

I apologize for showing up on announced,

and I can come back later if you're busy,

but I really believe my brother's in trouble.

We can take a break. Would you like to come in.

Please.

Okay.

Thank you.

It's this way.

Threat with thunderstorms

as another cold front moves through.

It's that time of year.

Morning!

Morning.

I'm looking for my brother.

Was wondering if there was somebody here I could talk to.

Sure, sweetie.

I just need you to sign there.

Okay.

Chuck, we have a visitor here looking for his brother.

- Okay. - Thank you.

How you doing? Come on back.

All right.

Have a seat.

Okay.

Who's it you're looking for again?

He's uh, my brother. Bradley Johnson.

Does know you're looking for him?

Most likely not.

Well, here's the deal, then.

If he's here, all I can do is take your information

and get it to him.

From there, it's up to him.

Understood.

See here.

No. Is there a different name he might have using?

I don't know.

How about a picture?

Uh.

Oh yeah, I saw that video last week.

That guy's your brother?

Yeah, I was a little surprised I recognized him.

That guy was here a long time ago.

I guess you guys haven't done a very good job

of keeping in touch.

That's one way of putting it.

You might have some luck down on Washington Street.

I'll be doggone.

Brad.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Brad.

- Brad? - No.

Brad.

- No. - Please, I just wanna talk.

No.

Please, I've been looking for you.

You, you wanna talk to me now?

What's it been, Jim? 30 years?

30 fucking years and wanna talk to me now.

Yeah, I saw the video. I wanna help.

You wanna help?

I don't need your help. I never have.

Where was this help back then?

You know, when you chose being a fagot over being a brother.

Mom kicked me out. You knew that.

She thought I was gonna infect you.

I had no choice.

Oh, come on. You had a choice, but you chose dick.

You know, after you left for your little fairy land life,

mom got cancer.

She was sick for three years.

Do you have any idea how hard it is

to take care of somebody with cancer?

I tried, Brad!

Look, even if I had been able to talk to you,

do you think that you would have treated me any differently

than the way you are now?

Being gay is not a choice, Brad.

I mean, who would choose that? Especially back then.

I got kicked out of my house,

fired from two jobs, and got my ass beaten so badly,

I was in the hospital for a week

and can no longer taste food.

That was my fairy land life, Brad.

You feel better getting that off your chest?

That's what I thought, old man!

Hey, hey, hey!

You okay? Can you sit up?

Those bastards took my shit!

Where are you headed?

I just wanna cool off! Walk to the fucking laundromat.

The cops'll kick you out, man.

They drive by it all the time.

Ornias.

Ted.

Good luck.

Hey, they took my shit.

You carrying a weapon?

I was.

You're gonna have to let me search you.

Good thinking, Ted.

It's not like I'm gonna be arriving with much else.

Put your hands behind your head.

Put your hands behind your head!

- Watch that, watch that! - What the hell?

- Hey, fuck! - What the hell is that?

What was that?

Bleach. Like to keep a little on me.

Oh don't worry, I'm not an addict.

It's, it's like a wise man once said,

"Everything in moderation," including moderation.

What's it like?

Like nothing else.

Come on. Follow me.

Can't thank you enough.

Nice digs, Ted.

It's just for the night.

I know.

Hey, so this is off limits, all right?

If it rains, I'll let you sleep underneath this tarp,

but stay away from my tent.

Fair enough.

I guess, uh, you don't get really bothered

out here very much, do you?

I like the quiet.

Hey, um...

All right.

Gotta admit, I thought you'd be more

of a stick in the mud.

You can put this right here, like a tourniquet.

Mind if I ask you a personal question, Ted?

You got any kids?

I have a son.

I have a niece,

two little nephews.

How are they doing?

Oh, I couldn't tell you.

Yeah, it's been a minute.

Just say I did some time.

How much time are we talking?

A little over a year.

A year, that doesn't sound bad. What happened?

Eh, it's a little difficult for most people to understand.

Look, man, I don't think there's anything out there

that can surprise me.

I was a funeral director for 16 years.

16 years in the same place.

I had a coworker suspect me of drinking on the job,

so he reported me to management.

Didn't even have the balls to ask me.

That same funeral home was favorite

for parents whose kids had died in,

uh, in the cancer center,

I, I guess mainly 'cause we had this parlor

with murals of little kids running, smiling,

jumping into the arms of Jesus.

You wanna take that off?

Wait, are you talking about the one up north

off the interstate with the big sign?

Aye, that's the one.

Well, anyway, they installed hidden security cameras.

As many time I've been in that place,

you'd, you'd suspect that I would have noticed it.

Should have noticed it.

How you feeling?

I, I feel kind of groggy, like it's hard to move.

Is that normal?

Yes, it is.

Well, anyway, they caught me drinking on the job.

I was preparing Russell.

Beautiful, angel-haired little boy.

It was a hard job.

Can you blame a man for drinking?

Camera's caught me doing something else.

I mean, we were taking delivery

of naked boys on a weekly basis.

Every time I think about those sweet little kids...

You're a pedophile?

I am not a pedophile!

It's called something different,

which is why I'm not still in prison.

It is different, especially under state law,

but you can imagine what people do to people like me

when they think they're a pedophile in prison.

I'll tell you what they did.

They hovered over the stall

like wolves waiting for me to finish.

And every time those faggots raped me,

another piece of me died

until there was nothing left.

So who are you, Ted?

Oh! Jesus.

Thank you.

Oh, was that loud?

Look, try to think about it from his perspective.

What? Like a drunk homophobe?

I'm willing to bet he doesn't resent you

because you're gay.

I bet it's because you left.

That's not what he'd say.

He was 15.

He doesn't want anybody's help, especially not mine.

Maybe, but I know you, Jim.

You've held onto this regret for a long time

and I know how unhappy you were at our wedding

when you had no family there.

What are you doing?

Letting work know I'm taking some personal days.

Hey, Ray, can I have that whiskey

Bobby gave you for your birthday?

That's a little unorthodox

for an olive branch, don't you think?

Maybe.

It's in the pantry, above the fridge.

Thank you.

Hey, I love you.

I love you, too.

Where am I?

I need help!

Dad, relax.

Cody?

Oh my gosh. That was fun.

Wait. Wait.

Cody, wait! Cody, where you going?

I wanna grow up to be just like you.

Cody!

I love you so much.

Where am I? What is this?

Dad, it wasn't your fault.

Wait, somebody help me.

I need help! Somebody help!

Help me! Somebody, help me!

I can't get out! I can't get out!

Somebody help me!

You disgusting pile of filth!

You are a sinner!

I will not have this filth in my home!

Get out, get out, get out!

Brad?

Here you go.

Why are you here?

Because I'm your brother.

You're married?

Eight years.

Poor guy.

What about kids?

Not yet.

I have a son.

I know. I met Melissa trying to find you.

How is she?

Worried. Aside from that, she seems okay.

She with someone?

He wanted to grow up to be just like me.

I'm not the father he would be proud of.

I'm not even human anymore.

I would a killed myself a long time ago if I hadn't,

but I knew I'd never have a chance to see him again.

I never wanted any of this.

Here you go, buddy.

Take a step. We're here.

I'll take some help.

Thank you, sir. All right.

I lost something. A lot, actually.

Everything that mattered to me.

I was trained to be one

of the most elite combat operators in the world.

There was nothing I couldn't handle, or so I thought.

I've taken two oaths in my life.

I took one to stand by my country

and another to stand by my wife,

my blood, my family.

I broke the most important one.

That is why I'm here.

I'm here because I got caught up

in thinking it was all about me.

I tried to hide the demons when I returned from deployments,

and then I selfishly put her through even more

when we lost our son.

You know, I can still hear them,

see them, feel them.

I can even smell them sometimes.

I'm not the hero of my story,

and I have to somehow accept that.

Being in rehab is like being behind that wall in Iraq

when we were pinned down taking heavy fire.

We had to get to some armored vehicles

or we were gonna die, and the thought

of running through that shit storm was scary as fuck.

Here, I'm safe.

But the reality is I had to go back out into that firefight

and that scares me.

My name is Brad Johnson and I'm an addict.

Wow, look at you.

Yeah, I got a volunteer that comes by.

You hungry?

Oh, starving! Food here sucks.

So how's it going?

It's going,

Hey, uh, you'll be happy to know that the guy

that lives next to me is a pansexual Satanist.

Is he cute?

Actually feel bad for the kid.

He's like 25 and this is his fourth time.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. Thank you by the way.

Oh, please. The sandwiches were two for one.

No, for floating the bill on all this stuff.

It's nothing.

Two more weeks?

Two more weeks.

Have you ever heard the saying to forgive others

you must first forgive yourself?

I've thought a lot about what happened to you

when mom kicked you out.

You didn't ask for any of that.

A couple nights ago, I was praying

that I could find a way to forgive myself

and deal with all of of this guilt.

And when I woke up,

it was like breathing for the first time.

Maybe I just needed some time being sober

or maybe it was God.

Guess what I'm trying to say is I understand why you left.

Please forgive me for not understanding sooner.

Cheers.

Hey, Marley.

Hey, Brad.

No, actually you're right on time.

Have a seat.

So this is it.

How do you feel?

Optimistic.

Hmm, I'll take optimistic.

SEAL community really pulled through for you.

I wish more veterans who came through here were so lucky.

In there, you'll find the address

and keys for your new apartment

of which the first six months is covered,

a bus pass for a year, uh, details for your new job.

There's also a food gift card

to help you get by until your first paycheck.

Can you imagine if I screw this up?

It would be worse than own money to the mob.

Yeah, I wouldn't want a bunch of Navy SEALs out to get me.

You have a sponsor. Use him.

You can do this a day at a time.

♪ And if ever official break in line ♪

So, uh, need a ride?

Yeah, I do.

All right, let's go.

Okay.

♪ Like a wish ♪

I smile because you're my brother.

♪ As the lines, they turn to threads ♪

♪ And the threads, they turn to cords ♪

♪ And the cords shape the words ♪

All right, before I end up covered in glitter,

let's get out of here.

♪ It'll make a sound just like a song ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, it's a sound just like a song ♪

Brad. Hey, Brad.

You got a call on line three. Make it quick.

Okay.

This is Brad.

Okay.

Yeah, I, I know where that is.

It's not that far from where I work.

There's a bench, um, on the south side.

Okay.

All right if I sit?

Yeah, of course.

- Yeah. - Thanks.

So are you a writer now?

Well, I don't know. Trying.

Mind if I ask what you're writing about?

It's a manifesto of sorts.

Just a bunch of thoughts I'm gonna share in AA.

Oh, how's that going?

Good, it's, uh, I get my bronze chip soon.

That's a year, a year sober.

Congratulations, Brad.

Here, keep it.

Just, uh, save me the embarrassment of reading it now.

I think you'll find it interesting.

But don't you need it for your meeting?

Aw, I got it on the old computer.

So you're pregnant.

Yeah.

I'm obviously not as young as when we had Cody.

If something falls to the ground, it's staying there.

I am not picking it up.

Just very ready for this little girl to be out.

That's great!

So your brother has been giving me some updates.

He, he's really a good guy.

Yeah, he is. I mean, he basically saved my life.

Just wrapping my head around the whole gay thing, you know?

Getting better with it,

accepting people for who they really are.

I'm proud of you, Brad.

So I'm, um, moving to Atlanta soon.

Oh really? What for?

It's me moving on.

I'm happy for you.

Ow!

Oh.

You okay?

This is a restless little sucker.

Do you wanna feel?

Oh!

Do you remember the first time that Cody kicked?

Um, so, um,

real reason that I wanted to see you

is the, um,

the insurance settlement finally came through.

I hope it's enough to get you started in Atlanta.

You did everything right.

You never deserved what I put you through.

I just didn't know how to live without him.

And the guilt.

The guilt was just so endless.

Everything reminded me of him, even you.

I probably probably took the longest road

to get to this point, but by the grace of God,

I found a way to forgive myself.

Will you forgive me, too?

I did that a long time ago.

Ow!

You okay?

Yeah, I just never know if it's the baby

or if I actually have to pee.

I'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

All right guys, we got about an hour.

Come on, this way, this way!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Cody? Cody?

There, there you are.

There you are.

Ever since I was a little boy,

I've had dreams about being chased.

I never knew what was chasing me,

but I know now I don't have to run.

I'm willing to accept the things I cannot change,

and I don't have to be the hero of my story

because that's you.

One day, I will hold our son in my arms again,

and I will be the man he wanted to grow up to be.

And if I had to guess, unfortunately, cats go to heaven,

so he's probably got a million of them just to irritate me.

I know I've got a lot of work ahead,

and it's not gonna be a cakewalk.

But like any Navy SEAL will tell you,

the only easy day was yesterday.

♪ It's a wild and open world ♪

♪ I wouldn't believe it if you told me ♪

♪ I never thought I'd see it all this way ♪

♪ But I gave my life to the Army ♪

♪ But only if they need it ♪

♪ There's lots of troubles out there to use me that way ♪

♪ I found that the folks there're just about the same ♪

♪ Just about the same everywhere like home ♪

♪ There's a soccer field in Baghdad ♪

♪ Kids laughing, kicking, and falling ♪

♪ And rolling and playing Keep Away ♪

♪ And they'll run away and they'll misbehave ♪

♪ But Mama's still mom to get them ♪

♪ Mamas whoop their asses just the same ♪

♪ From that, the children, they're just about the same ♪

♪ Just about the same everywhere like home ♪

♪ Kids are playing in the yard ♪

♪ Riding bikes without their helmets ♪

♪ And old men laughing over beers and the game ♪

♪ Ladies talkin' 'bout, girls talkin' 'bout friendships ♪

♪ And girls and the simplicity of freedom ♪

♪ They believe in love ♪