Original subtitles

Previously on Masters of Sex. We've had a very high success rate with sensei

therapy in cases like your wife's. I just want it fixed.

I got asked to open a gorilla exhibit at the zoo.

There's that famous ape, Gilda Gorilla. We know it's probably not your normal

case, but they're animals after all.

How hard can it really be?

Ernie Nevers. You pick out any card you like, just give me the stats, and I will

give you a quarter for anyone I don't get.

We're sitting at home all day with our screaming kids. You're too smart for

that.

We'll pay her five bucks a bag.

It's like she's dead.

It's like sitting here with a corpse.

Joy had an apartment.

She was one foot out the door. As far as she was concerned, your marriage was

over.

I was just coming in to turn off the gas.

I took my time with the moving, but now I'm here.

You being... Mrs. Edley, of course.

Fine. Then drinks down the street at the taproom. Why don't we have a cup of

coffee downstairs in the lobby? It's time to strategize. We can strategize.

So?

So... You're the expert.

You want me to rate your performance.

Was it like when Ed Sullivan has played spinners on the show?

No, it was more like the beat.

I told the sitter that I'd be home at 11, which is now.

So call her. Ask for another hour.

No, I have to be up at 6 tomorrow, get Tessa breakfast, and feed and dress the

baby. So if I manage to get home by midnight, at least it doesn't wake up at

3 in the morning miraculously, I would have gotten six hours of sleep, four

being the more likely scenario.

That is a lot for one person. I have a complicated life.

I assume that's why you've been leaving each night a little bit earlier.

I don't think that we've been doing this long enough to consider anything a

pattern.

I'm leaving early because... Busy.

Yes.

I like Bill, believe it or not.

You can see his good qualities. He's smart, dedicated, driven.

But I'm not sure I like him for you.

For me?

Mm-hmm.

Well, present circumstances aside, it's an odd thing to say to a married woman,

a woman not married to Bill.

But you spend a lot of time with him, and guys like Bill, well, they're a lot

of work.

I don't know, maybe your husband's a similar breed, like Fourth of July

fireworks. Impressive, but combustible as hell.

You spend all your time running around trying to put out the flames, and you

don't even realize they burn you down to the ground right along with them. It's

quite a theory.

I'm not sure that I would call my husband impressive in that way.

Well, certainly you and Bill have undertaken a grand experiment together.

Bill and I are not involved in any way, except professionally.

For some reason, I just find myself worrying about you, that's all.

I can imagine you take care of everyone in your life. I can see you take care of

Bill, professionally.

But who takes care of you, Virginia?

My sitter.

My sitter is waiting for me, and I'm late.

I'll see you tomorrow.

9 a.m.

I meant after work, when it's time to enjoy yourself.

I enjoy myself at work.

Jesus, thanks.

I was... I was in a garden.

Okay, you're having a dream. This garden, there's a plum fell on my lap.

Okay, you're gonna tell me about your dream now. And I thought to myself, the

plum is ripe, I like plums. I should help myself, so I took a bite and I...

Oh yeah, you'll never guess what jumped out.

Oh, Helen, I'm tired.

Oh, rabbit!

And this rabbit all started burrowing into my vagina.

And right before he disappeared inside me, he pulled him out by his little

rabbit's foot.

Only now he wasn't a rabbit anymore.

He was a baby.

Yeah. Okay.

This is no longer a dream. This is a mantra.

It's a recurring dream. Recurring dreams means that you want me to do something

about this. I know.

So I checked it out.

I went to three different adoption clinics, and they all said the same

thing.

They do not let single women adopt. I'm sorry.

And it's just not in our cards.

Well, that's completely unfair, which is why I've been thinking.

There's this guy who comes in every week to get his palm read, Rufus. He's really

sweet. Rufus who's been struck by lightning a lot of times, Rufus?

Electrocuted, pulling toast out of the toaster with a fork. More than once,

though, right?

Yes, more than once. But my point is, he's really sweet, and he's madly in

love with me, and, you know, maybe he'd be someone to get me pregnant. He has

said that he's saving himself for marriage, so there's that snag.

You'd have to marry Rufus?

A little. You can't marry a little, Helen. I married a little, and look how

that turned out.

Plus, Rufus is not smart.

Fine, he's dumb.

He's dumb. Maybe I'm dumb, too, for wanting a baby this bad, but I want a

baby. I want a baby so bad.

Don't you want a baby?

Don't you want us to have a baby?

Why do I feel like I'm alone in this?

You're not alone.

I understand.

It's just... No one's going to hand over a baby to a couple of middle-aged dykes.

There's nothing we can do about it.

Well, maybe it's just something I've got to do on my own.

Dr. Scully's still at the Endometrial Symposium in Memphis, so you'll have to

see to Mrs.

Fletcher's insemination.

Also, Dan Logan's booked the other exam room from noon to six. Dan Logan is

going to have to move. Because?

Dan Logan's study has reached a dead end.

Only a chemist can solve the pheromone puzzle at this point. We are not

chemists. So it's time for Dan Logan to go back to New York and enhance some

product with the smell of pine.

Or... You can let him have the exam room rather than alienate the guy who wrote

us a very handsome check.

Did you see this?

They helped us find our way back to our marriage when no one else could. We were

lost, and they rescued us.

Isabella Ricci in Newsweek. It's a profile piece where they asked her about

her marriage to Ali Abe. She credits our sensate therapy?

A protocol they didn't attempt.

Why would they lie about that?

Because they got nabbed. A tabloid photographer recognized the two of them

leaving the clinic.

The upside is, because of this, Newsweek just called and they want to do a

feature article on the two of you.

I'm not discussing results, which are a complete fabrication.

Wait, Bill, this is one failure.

For every Isabella and Al, there have been hundreds we have helped. And it is

Newsweek, after all.

Publicity value aside, I refuse to take credit for some celebrity couple's cure

when the Hindenburg had a happier outcome. Then we won't lie.

All patient information is confidential, meaning we're not at liberty to discuss

their case. But we can talk about our work, our success rate.

Exposure like this, it could draw who knows how many people in through these

doors.

What kind of sandwich?

We're going to Cavetti's.

You work here?

Hence the lunch order.

All right.

Turkey and Swiss, white, tomato only.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

How old do you think I am?

Not old enough to be employed here.

It's my community service.

Turns out this is where they send all the bad girls as punishment.

forced exposure to sex maniacs all day.

Harsh.

No, you do the crime, you do the time.

If you're trying to figure them out, don't bother.

Stonehenge is less of a mystery than those two.

I'm sorry.

Who exactly are you again?

Lunch girl.

So do you want fries or coleslaw with your sandwich?

That's Dr. Masters over there. We'll just pretend that we're running into

him. Do I have to act? Can't I just shake his hand and tell him why I'm

here? No, you cannot. Just stick with the I wrote in with the problem story

and we'll be fine.

Dr. Masters, this is Keith Coleman. He wrote one of those letters I answered in

that big sack of mail.

I actually didn't write a letter. I'm in Jane's theater workshops.

Keith is also.

friend from theater he was terrific in our limited run of oliver and why i'm

here is i'm impotent it's going on two years now and because

jane is an old friend she said she could use her influence to get me in here

which would be great because i want to hire you fix me i both understand and

sympathize keith but we have a protocol in place here keith As Jane is fully

aware... Well, I know it's not usually done like this. Jane also knows that

friends do not get preferential treatment here.

You and your wife need to make an appointment through my secretary.

Oh, I don't have a wife.

Fine. With your girlfriend, then. No, he doesn't have a girlfriend either, which

is why I agreed to help him in this... misguided way.

So who is it you're seeking treatment with?

Nobody. Like I said, I'm impotent.

I mean, I can't step into a batter's box with no bad. I need to fix this first.

Then maybe I can find someone.

Unfortunately, our treatment only applies to couples, not single

individuals.

I'm sorry.

I have jumper cables.

Hard to miss the metaphor, isn't it?

Pardon?

My car battery's dead.

My battery's dead.

I understand your frustration.

Come on.

This is all just science to you.

Tragically, this is my life.

I'm out there every day living it, if you can call this living.

I promise you, Keith, being a doctor doesn't mitigate my ability to

understand this kind of suffering.

Then let's appreciate the irony of this situation together, all right?

I can't get a girl because I can't perform, and you can't help me perform

because I don't have a girl.

And you know what's even worse?

I'm... Fucking terrified.

Terrified I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

First sexual experience?

Around age eight.

And the specifics of the act?

Specifics. So the more information you can give us, the more precise we can be

in our treatment.

I'm a little sketchy on the details.

Or perhaps you're confused, since eight does seem unusually young. No, actually,

it's fairly common.

Puberty is often accelerated when you're raised in captivity.

Well, I would imagine captivity alters many natural instincts.

In the wild, Gil would be motivated by fear.

He would also be motivated by the urge to mate.

And the need to eat would be the other major motivator. In captivity, what is

there to fear?

Nothing.

Plus, he spoon-fed 20 pounds of vegetables each day.

Cherry pies for dessert.

So you'd think he'd devote all of his time to the ladies, what with fear and

food off of the table.

And he did for a long time.

Gil was a regular Don Juan.

But this female ape now in from San Diego?

Might as well take her to see the St. Louis Arts for all the interest he's

shown her.

Why don't we go back to the last successful mating?

What were the circumstances?

Position, environment, time of year?

I wasn't here.

That was right around the time his former keeper, Loretta Gladwin, left.

So she retired?

I'm not really sure. There was some brouhaha over her dismissal and...

All I know is she left under some cloud and we're supposed to leave it at that.

He wasn't aggressive like that

the last time I...

Met him. I didn't think he was aggressive now.

Oh, you think it was indigestion?

Look, we heard them out.

That's all we were obligated to do. We should help Gil.

Yes, we should help a gorilla. But not Jane's poor friend Keith. I mean it.

Before you dismiss it out of hand. Oh, I've dismissed it already. He's an ape.

And did you know that our genetic alignment with apes is almost 98%?

We're not just descended from apes, as Darwin pointed out. We essentially are

apes. With several...

Crucial differences. We can speak, they cannot. So Gil can't tell us why he

doesn't want to have sex. But what if we were able to help him just by watching

him, intuiting his expressions and his signs, come up with a protocol? We have

an impressive success rate, Virginia. Why would we obliterate that for some

doomed experiment?

It would be such a coup if we did it. Think of the publicity, Bill.

Now, I understand men. I understand how they think, how they tick.

essentially, and there was something in the way that Gil was speaking to me.

Fine, apes don't speak, but don't I help sexually dysfunctional and oftentimes

inarticulate men in our offices every single day?

Wasn't I able to help you when you were similarly suffering?

Now, of course, we'd have to talk to Gil's former handler, see if there's

anything we're missing, but if we can return him to a healthy and satisfying

sex life, why wouldn't we?

If you are going to make that argument, why should we let any male suffer,

whether partnered or single? Or ape, I suppose.

Or any woman suffer for that matter. Betty, have Jane come to my office. Or

women, too, of course. Although I am specifically thinking of Jane's friend,

Keith. Now, he's impotent, but he's single.

It's a no-win situation.

Maybe in those letters that Jane reads, she's found single women who are

dysfunctional and in need of help also.

You're not suggesting that we pair two non-functioning patients.

It worked for Lester and Barb.

He was impotent, she was suffering from vaginismus. Lester and Barb put

themselves together. They knew one another, trusted one another. Lester and

Barb were already in love.

Ah, Jane, come in.

We were just discussing your friend, Keith, and the possibility of finding

him a surrogate.

partner. I do think that the partner should come from a list of women who

have already participated in the study. Women we already know. But what kind of

woman specifically?

Well, she should be functional sexually.

Sound emotionally.

She should have an interest in the work. Good-hearted and have an inclination

toward the healing arts. She would also have to be willing to do it for free

because to pay her would essentially amount to prostitution. Would a

background in musical theater help? A woman who Just finished a six-week run

as Nancy and Oliver.

I do anything for you, dear.

Anything for you mean everything to me.

I think that Jane is volunteering because I know Keith.

He's an old friend and I'd like to help.

And we appreciate your offer and your song, Jane, but we couldn't do that to

Lester.

We're taking a break.

Next session's not for another half hour.

Thanks.

How long have you worked here again?

How long was Dante stuck in purgatory?

And how long have you known Mrs. Johnson?

Why are you asking me about her?

Because office girls know everything about everyone.

Well, if you're smart, you won't get involved with Mrs. Johnson. She has a

very messy life.

Who said anything about getting involved?

I'm young, not stupid.

She's married, for starters.

With a couple of kids, but no worries there. It's not like they slow her down

any.

She's pretty, too. I'll give her that.

Knows how to use it.

Meaning? Meaning this job.

She never even graduated from college.

You've met Dr. Masters. Does he strike you as a milk-of-human-kindness kind of

guy handing out golden opportunities to uncredentialed secretaries?

Well, from where I sit, Mrs. Johnson is an impressive woman, though it wouldn't

surprise me if Masters was smitten with her.

It's more than smitten. I know for a fact he's sleeping with her.

And it's gross.

It makes me sick.

Mrs.

Fletcher's changing into her robe.

Wants to know if she can have a cigarette before the procedure.

I don't recommend it, but if she insists... Heard you and Virginia are

going to help Jane's single friend, Kate.

It's being discussed.

That's a good thing.

Taking care of single people.

It's funny, because we've been getting a bunch of calls from single women lately

asking if we can impregnate them using donor sperm from the bank.

I don't know. Go figure.

So... Um, can we?

The question's never arisen before, but no.

Why no?

You know, so I can tell them when they call. For starters, I'd have to ask why

a woman would want to pursue single motherhood.

Well, it's nothing new.

Husbands die or leave all the time. But you can't compare attrition to trying to

make it happen.

It's an incredibly difficult path undertaken all alone.

What if she raised the child with a friend? Say, you know, someone who'd be

there to help out.

Friends move.

They have lives of their own.

You can't expect a friend to make an 18-year commitment to a child that's not

even their own. What if a friend could make that commitment? What if a friend

was family? A healthy, single woman does not need me to inseminate her.

A couple of gin and tonics and the guy one bar stool over would be just as

effective.

I got together with Gil when he was 12.

I was right out of college.

He had just left the Cleveland Zoo. There you go.

I mean, in many ways, we really grew up together.

I just, I can't believe Gil's not mating.

For how long?

A little over a year now.

Gil's a class A breeder.

Who's his trainer?

Does she have any experience with primates?

I mean, you can't just, you know, get some... Bozo, who's been cleaning up

after giraffes and stick them in there with Gil. I mean, there's an art.

Gil's new trainer is a man.

There's your problem right there.

Gil has to have a female attendant.

Someone who can stroke his ego and, you know, let him know that he's the king.

Did you know that Gil's birthday, it's the exact same day as Elvis?

No, but we didn't.

Yeah, it was always a little joke between us.

Who was a real king.

A joke between you and Gil. What I'm saying is that no man will be able to

care for Gil. He needs a woman.

Did you ever witness Gil mating? Back when he was mating successfully.

There was nothing that went on with Gil that I wasn't there for.

Oh, would you care to elaborate?

Well, after he and a female would get acquainted, I'd sit with Gil.

and let him know how big and strong he was, what a catch he was.

You know, just cheer him on a bit.

That is hard to believe, that you would just talk to Gil and he was able to

perform.

With me, Gil sired 21 offspring, seven different females from zoos all over the

country, so I'd say it was enough.

But besides words of encouragement, was there anything else that you'd do to...

Help Gil along.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well... Would you... We just... Look, I don't know what

you've heard, okay? But Gil and I were friends.

Close friends, devoted friends, but friends and that is all.

So if you will excuse me.

Of course.

Thank you so much for your time.

Miss Gladman, would you ever consider returning to the zoo to help Gil

get past whatever barrier it is that's holding him back?

I'm sorry.

That would be a little too painful for both of us.

After Gil and I split, I mean, I was just a mess.

I couldn't leave my house.

I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I am just now getting my life back in

order.

So, no.

You're on your own.

I don't want to go to bed yet.

Kiss doesn't always mean I'm sending you off. I was just thinking that I'm going

to go next door and check in on Mr. Edley.

And Mrs. Edley?

Yes, of course. Mrs. Edley, too.

See how they're doing.

Um, can I stay up until you get back?

Yes.

John?

It's awfully late for you, isn't it?

Mom's letting me stay up until she gets back.

Back from?

Next door. The Adleys.

Is there something burning?

Maybe.

Maybe Mom burnt some plastic wrap.

She's been pretty distracted lately.

So how's school? I'm really tired.

I'm going to go to bed.

It's for the apartment, if you agree.

Just go.

Take your check and just go.

I don't blame you for being furious with me.

I cannot begin to apologize for what I did, for telling you what I knew about

Joy. It was not mine to tell. Well, we can't unring that bell now, can we?

And what difference would it make anyway? Libby, I was going to find out

soon enough when I walked through that door and found a Dear John letter on the

counter. Or wasn't that how Joy planned on telling me? What was her plan

exactly?

I don't know about that. Something you don't know.

I have to admit, whatever it was, it worked in its own sick kind of way.

Being totally clueless as to what was really happening here.

It made taking care of her seem noble.

But now... I know.

You're left with pain and confusion and... Don't tell me what I feel.

I will tell you because I know.

I know how precious illusions can be. I know how they can keep you alive. I know

because it has been...

So long since I had any about my own life.

Sometimes I sit in that apartment and I pretend that my husband is going to walk

through the door, but not as he is now, but from another earlier time. And I sit

there thinking, God, if I could just keep this dream alive, just...

Just for a little while. Just like a little bit each day. Then maybe it will

allow me to go home to the real Bill. Please don't turn away from me. What do

you want from me?

Huh?

These past few months, all I have wanted to see come through that door is you.

That's the only thing I had to look forward to. That was it.

And you took it.

Along with my illusions about my wife.

Keep the apartment.

It's yours.

She sounded like a good candidate.

We need to find someone who's going to be a good surrogate, not scare a guy out

of hiccups.

We need to, um, keep looking.

Why? You just keep rejecting them all. We haven't found the right girl.

F-3421 was good.

F-3421 is Sue, the supply secretary from Memorial.

She once threw a stapler at a guy in a wheelchair.

It's not exactly the helping hand that Keith needs.

This is F-12-22.

Don't shut that off, Lester.

That's me.

I know who it is.

Then look at it.

You filmed this.

It's how you fell in love with me.

Well, maybe not that shot.

Why are you showing this to me?

Because I want you to remember how this all started.

Lester, I knew from the very beginning that this work was groundbreaking.

That what Dr. Masters and Virginia were doing was brave and fearless. And it

made me feel brave and fearless, too.

It's why I volunteered way back then.

And it's why I want to volunteer now.

As a surrogate.

For Keith.

You want to boff somebody from Mr. Tabor's drama class? I want to

contribute. I want to help. Are you insane?

How does humping old friend Keith help me or our kids or our marriage?

Well, you've dedicated your life to this work, haven't you?

And what about when you were in Keith's shoes?

I overheard...

Dr. Masters in Virginia talking about you and Barb.

Why didn't you tell me you were impotent?

That you and Barb participated in the work?

Because it's not the kind of thing you blab about to your wife.

Because the whole reason I was impotent to begin with was because you dumped me

for some dickhead director.

And I fell apart.

Because you broke my heart.

And it was all just so very humiliating.

you needed.

Here, you were cured.

I know he deserves help.

God, if anyone knows, it's me.

You were cured and I came back to you.

Because it's you that I love, Lester.

It's Keith I just want to help.

If we're going to do this, we should do it now.

Give it one shot, one shot only. However long it takes, Bill.

Because if this were any other suffering male, you would be the first one to

help. Suffering human male, yes. And I'm arguing that there may not be as much of

a difference as you'd think.

I would tell his trainer to take the day off.

Today? Get it over with.

Do our best.

Well, I suppose it wasn't that long ago I was a suffering creature also, as you

pointed out.

And you saved me.

So... Good morning.

I have a proposition for you two.

Actually, we're in the middle of... Come in.

Dan, what's on your mind?

So, my company is debuting our new popcorn butter flavoring tonight at the

premiere of The Ghost and Mr. Chicken over at the High Point Theater, and I

thought...

Who doesn't love Don Knotts?

Barney Fife is a staple in my home. Captain Harry Little, last time I saw

Archie? Henry and I saw that three times.

Which is why I thought it might be fun to invite the entire office.

Our office?

That's very thoughtful.

Your gang seems game to come because I've already run it by them. That is

very generous of you, Dad.

It does sound like fun, doesn't it, Bill?

I think we could all use a little time off.

Oh, absolutely we could.

Unfortunately, we do have to work tonight.

And we have to work today.

Well, we don't know how long this is going to take.

So then let's move it until tomorrow. One more night curled around a tire

swing isn't going to make any difference.

It'll make a difference to Gil.

Wasn't that your point to me, Virginia? Virginia was just saying I have a soft

spot for any suffering male.

Yes, it's almost a knee-jerk reaction with Gil. And, well, no one appreciates

Don Knotts more than I. Suffering male.

Yeah.

He was very good on Steve Allen.

I'm sure that was him.

And I'm also a huge fan of popcorn.

With butter. Butter-like flavor.

Even better. Which is why it's such a shame that Mrs. Johnson and I are busy

with all this work on our plates. But please do certainly take the rest of the

office. They'll love it.

And I was just telling Virginia the other day...

How important I think it is to spend time away from work.

Has Virginia spoken to you about the case?

Mm-mm.

Oh, it's fascinating, really.

Mrs. Johnson and I are essentially reaching back through time to understand

the nature of evolutionary attraction.

The patient is an unusual one. It requires extra care.

So sadly, we will have to leave Mr. Chicken's ghost to you.

You sure about that, Virginia? You really can't break away?

We are very busy, Dan.

We're doing an interview with Newsweek tomorrow.

Plus this very challenging case, as we said.

Aren't all cases a challenge?

Oh, no, not like this one.

Because it's a gorilla.

Sorry, but I need the PDR if I'm going to file properly.

Good.

Tessie, you can meet Dan.

Mr. Logan, say hello to my daughter. Tessie, this is Mr. Logan. He's the one

doing the scent tests that I told you about.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Logan.

Pleasure.

It'll just be your knee.

I sound like... I sound like

I ran a marathon.

As Virginia says, it's a process.

I'm here with you.

So for now, just listen to the sound of my voice as I tell you.

Who's a handsome gorilla?

Who's a big, strong boy?

Go on, Gil.

Go to her. Look, she's ready.

You're the king.

Remember?

Yes, you are. You can do this.

How much more time are we going to give this?

It's a process, Virginia. You know that better than I.

Yes, but I've now used every encouraging word that I have ever uttered to any

male ever.

He's listening. I know that he's listening, but somehow it's not enough.

This was a mistake.

I don't think that we could ever convince another species.

That I could convince another. He is 98% us.

But he's not us. And this is nothing more than hubris on my part.

Maybe, maybe just move towards him.

Just a little bit closer.

Do you remember the other day?

Gil?

You liked me then, didn't you?

I can always tell when someone is interested in me.

It's all right. You can look at me.

I'm here to help you.

I'm here. Look at me.

Here to help you.

All right, now go.

Go to her, Gil. That's good.

Go on.

He wants... He wants your breast.

Loretta was a full-figured woman.

He wants... He wants...

Reda's breast.

No one gives of themselves like you, Virginia.

You saved me. Now it's Gil's turn to be safe.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

I had nowhere else to go.

Hiya, Hank!

We fooled him.

Are you going to use this thing on me?

It's a catheter. I'm going to slip it up into your, you know, your cervix,

and then I'm going to shoot the little swimmers in with it.

But do we have time? Because, you know, the book said that the sperm takes a

half hour to thaw, and then you've got to put it up me, and then I have to sit

still for one hour.

Helen, it's 2 in the morning.

Hank doesn't want to know what we're doing in here. I think we're safe.

It's a really big decision, Bets.

You know, deciding who to pick for the donation.

I thought this guy seemed good.

Six, 180 pounds, eyes green, brown hair. Yeah, I got nothing against him, but he

could also be anyone. What else?

What, what else? That's it. It's all done anonymously, so we're always going

to be a little short on, you know, pertinent information. What about

character? Helen, it's sperm.

We add the character.

It's not just sperm. It could be anybody. It could be Lee Harvey Oswald's

sperm. It could be the sperm of the Cincinnati Strangler, Richard Nixon, by

way of example.

You know, this is when you just wish that you were just... This is when you

wish that you were just one of the regular folks, because regular folks

just... They just get what they get. They don't have all this responsibility

of choosing.

Should be a big responsibility. We're making a baby.

I do envy the regular folks, though. At least they have some idea of what kind

of kid they're gonna get on the other end.

They don't even have photos of the donors in here. I mean, not the looks or

everything. Well, they're not nothing, either. But smarts matter. A good heart

matters most.

When we have our kid, no matter who she is or who he is, we're gonna love him

like crazy.

Maybe people just say that because they're stuck with what they got.

Because they didn't have a choice.

Well, what choice do we have? It's either this or nothing, right?

Actually, I might know someone who's a whole lot better than nothing.

I talked with zookeeper Steve this morning.

They were astounded at our success with Gil.

Can't imagine how we managed to pull that off.

What happened yesterday was no solution at all.

I wasn't looking for a solution.

I was looking for an answer.

To what?

Whether or not it could be done.

Whether I could do it, we could do it.

And we did.

There's something for Newsweek to chew on. I will not tell Newsweek about this.

Gil proves.

The performance-based dysfunction is so rooted in our psyche that not even the

most primitive of us under certain stresses are immune to its effects. But

more importantly, that these dysfunctions can be repaired by us.

Why not let Newsweek print the story that says Masters and Johnson can fix

anyone, even an ape? Because it's not true. We can straighten out anything

that human beings manage to screw up. We can't.

Bill?

And you know it.

That was a fluke, not a cure, which is why we cannot say it.

Some doctor's office where you can get syphilis from breathing the air.

Kind of orthopedist works here.

These women don't need an orthopedist?

On their feet all day twisting themselves in knots?

Can you imagine the wear and tear?

But for us, for our baby? Honey, honey's a doctor.

With a face like a movie star and a body that looks like it should be thrown

thunderbolts from a cloud. If you want our baby to have the best head start,

this is how we do it. Can I help you ladies?

Austin, it's so good to see you. How are you?

I'm good. Good.

This is my girlfriend, Helen. Hi, Helen.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Girlfriends as in pals from high school or girlfriends as in the previous act?

We're lovers, Austin.

Okay.

Whatever works, ladies.

So, what did you want to speak to me about?

A favor to ask.

On your most significant case to date.

We consider each and every case significant in its own way.

Any chance of narrowing that down a little? Maybe there's a celebrity angle

that we can share with our readers?

Each case, taken together, makes up the body of our scientific study.

How about you, Dr. Masters?

You care to respond?

I agree with Mrs. Johnson that each case matters on its own merits.

But if I were to choose one case that stood out as particularly

meaningful...

It would have to be the one involving an ape.

Allie Ape Neely and his wife, Isabella Ricci. I'm so glad you brought them up.

Since they themselves have been so public about their treatment with us, I

feel we can say they're patients, although I can't divulge specifics.

All right, then, in a general way, what about their case is significant?

Well, let's take as an example...

uh a real ape taken out of its natural habitat is a good way of understanding

what happened with the neelys because if you take that ape

and damage it in ways that only humans can inflict damage

watch it turn itself into something it's not then

our job is to take those shattered parts and

bring them together and allow through a successful coupling

those wounds to finally heal.

I figured now that I know your taste in men, I'd give it another chance and ask

you out to the movies.

Oh, God, you're drenched.

How long have you been sitting there?

Hours. And I jammed the zipper putting it on, so I'm not sure I'm ever going to

be able to get this thing off.

Well, I suppose the only difference between you and every other man is that

you wear your ape on the outside.

I get the feeling this wasn't a good idea.

I know that you were trying to be sweet.

What happened?

What went wrong?

We were successful.

He made it.

But?

But he... needed some encouragement.

From me.

Mm-hmm. And I... I think I may have taken it a little too far.

What's too far?

I... showed my... Hmm.

But did you kiss him?

I didn't.

Well, good.