Original subtitles

Previously on Masters of Sex. I decided to begin a work on dysfunction with male

impotence. I'm just like those guys in the, you know, dysfunctional way.

Are you going to join me? I may have overdone it.

I'm not sure I'd be of...

I have much use.

I thought you were going home.

We decided we didn't want anyone else doing the treatments.

I've spent most of my life pretending you don't exist.

When people would ask me, I'd tell them I was an only child.

I want my brother back.

Look, we got a couple of witnesses who saw the truck drive by and saw Leonard

get dumped out the back. And so I was wondering if maybe you saw anything.

There are other witnesses. Why are you talking to me?

What was his name? You're first.

I remembered his name.

Paul. But wasn't your brother...

We had this creep that ran behind our house and we'd catch frogs and have them

race. Who is the best psychologist in St. Louis?

Lloyd Madden, maybe?

Let's call him. We can give him the basics of Barbara's case. No reputable

physician would consent to giving a medical opinion on a patient they

haven't met. You cannot expect me to sit down with a complete stranger, a man.

I'm sorry, Virginia. I can't.

My brother and I, we would spend every day down there chasing frogs and as we

got older, the...

Games. They changed.

That's, I think, everything.

My story.

I don't know how this works. I've never done this before.

Do you ask me questions?

How can I help you?

Why are you here?

Well, I suppose I would like to know how to put... What happened to me in its

proper place.

To not think about it all the time, every day.

It's a process, Barbara.

Not a checklist.

Of course, but if you had any specific suggestions... You know what's

interesting about your story?

Your voice, when you tell it.

Those are difficult things you're speaking of.

Being sexually abused by your brother.

Your mother finding you and him together, yet never speaking of it.

The judgment and rejection you felt from her. The repulsion you felt for

yourself. And one might expect the telling of such terrible things to

summon up some very strong feelings.

Pain.

Rage.

Sadness.

But it didn't for you.

It was almost as if you were describing something that happened to someone else.

Well, it didn't. It happened to me.

And I'm sorry that I wasn't emoting enough, but... Were there tears when it

happened? Yes, of course.

A 12-year-old girl, she cries when she's being penetrated for the first time.

Were you that 12-year-old girl?

Yes, I told you.

Then why not say I?

I cried.

Well, I did.

And I've cried plenty in telling the story. Maybe not tonight, but I have.

To whom have you held it?

Just a friend.

Someone who wants to help but does not know how.

Someone who doesn't know what to do besides just listen to me as I go on and

on. Perhaps you keep reliving your experience because each time you're

hoping it'll have a different outcome.

So how would you rewrite your story, Barbara?

I can't.

It happened. I can't change it. But if you could, where would you begin? What

would you say to make it end differently?

I don't know. I guess I would tell my brother to stop.

That's right.

Say it.

Stop? As a little girl, not as a woman.

Stop. Yes.

Yes, find that voice.

Speak as your 12-year-old self. Imagine telling your brother what you wanted to

say then, but couldn't.

Start there.

Libby, take a bow.

She really is the best cook, isn't she, Bill? She is indeed.

Well, I used to be more adventurous, but Johnny's going through a phase.

Nothing but buttered noodles.

You know, picky children can be.

Oh, well, you don't yet, but you will very soon.

All systems go for Wednesday?

Libby.

Frank got me a fondue set a few Christmases ago.

Oh, I just love fondue. Still in the box. He didn't realize.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Not at all.

I thought it was just melted cheese. Turns out there's a lot of booze in the

recipe. It's nearly half wine.

Well, if I can't offer anyone seconds.

Oh, let me help you there.

It really was delicious, Libby. Thank you.

Clean plate is the best compliment.

Would you look at that? I thought I would go to my grave before I saw

Francis eat a green vegetable.

Oh, not until he'd salad even. I could never get either one of them to eat

fish, no matter how much sauce I eat.

It's a very handsome house you have here, Bill.

It burns off, doesn't it?

Sorry? The wine.

The alcohol content.

When you heat it up, ethanol evaporates when it reaches a boiling point.

Basic science.

Nevertheless, we don't bring liquor into the house.

So, is this a problem for you, being around this?

Not today.

Although, Mom seems a little tight, don't you think?

No. I think she's happy.

I didn't know you had friends in St. Louis. Not...

Friends, exactly.

And they're Frank's, not mine.

I'm glad Bill's agreed to meet them tomorrow night.

You mean he wants them to meet Bill.

I don't blame him for wanting to show off his accomplished big brother.

It's so wonderful having them both together.

I don't recall ever seeing her drink.

Well, she never drank scotch, which is what Dad had around the house.

Now she likes the occasional Tom Collins or two.

Or three.

A show of hands for coffee, please.

I left some files in the office over the weekend. Oh, no.

You're leaving now?

Can't it wait? I have a patient early tomorrow.

A woman with a complicated medical history I need to review.

Why don't I go with you? Keep you company on the drive. Oh, that's a fine

idea. That neighborhood is bad enough in the daytime, as Libby certainly can

attest. My God, such a harrowing story.

Not necessary.

Sit. Enjoy dessert.

I caught a whiff of it earlier.

You are in for a treat.

It's a rum cake.

I didn't realize I made a rum cake.

Which I'm sure will be sensational.

I'll be just fine with coffee.

Did you see what's going on downstairs?

No.

Really?

You didn't notice dozens of young women in sashes and tiaras down in the lobby.

It's the Miss Bowie of St.

Louis pageant. I guess I must have been preoccupied.

Just so happens I was a pageant girl myself.

Runner-up, Miss Teen Fayetteville.

And what did the winner have that you didn't?

An uncanny resemblance to Veronica Lake.

God,

I hated those things. I never would have done it if my mother hadn't forced me to

sign up.

My mother could be a little deaf when it came to listening to me.

I should have just said no.

Loud enough for her to have really heard.

No.

What's got you so preoccupied? Where are you coming from?

Family dinner with my mother.

How's that?

Why don't you take your dress off?

Come over here.

Why don't you take your pants off and come over here?

I was looking forward to taking care of you tonight.

Where's fun in that for you? I enjoy watching you.

Enjoying yourself.

It's becoming standard operating procedure these days.

For a change of pace, then.

Why don't we reverse the arrangement?

Why don't you... fly back...

and let me take care of you?

I've, uh... I've just come from Libby.

At least at dinner with your mother. She went early in the dinner. I see.

Does that happen a lot?

From her to me?

From me to her?

Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything. No, I should not have asked.

Maybe we should just take a rain check tonight.

I'm just curious, how did you get my number?

Mr. Mello said you came.

Highly recommended by, uh... By... Judge Tillinghast.

We go way back.

Way.

Apparently he had some very nice things to say about you. Said you took

initiative.

Always found creative.

Solutions. You were very imaginative. And flexible.

The judge said flexible.

Oh yes, very flexible.

Gymnastics as a kid.

And you're clear about what the job is.

Blowjob, handjob, whatever it takes to get the job done.

It's not that this guy's pecker has never worked, is it? No.

He's had some unfortunate interactions with women that have left him non

-functioning for the past few years. You've dealt with men like that,

suffering. Erectile dysfunction for an extended period of time.

Impotence is a working girl's bread and butter, am I right, Kitty?

Oh, sure.

I see it all the time.

Mr. Linden is the nervous type.

A gentle approach may be most effective, but we'll leave that to your discretion.

Speak of the devil.

He's got a certain charm, Kitty, wouldn't you say?

I've seen worse.

I don't know, Dr. Masters. It's a really nice offer and everything.

If you wanted to let me know I was doing a good job, some extra cash at Christmas

would be great.

Is it hot in here? This isn't a bonus. It's an opportunity to participate in

the work.

Aren't I already participating?

As a subject.

Is that a good idea? I mean, to cross that line, isn't it best to maintain

some professional objectivity? That's outweighed by the value of...

of having an insider participate.

Someone like you, who's observed the subtle nuances of sexual arousal and can

speak to them personally.

I need a little air.

But why do I have to do it with a girl like that?

But how else are we to eliminate the question of your partner's sexual

competence? In a controlled experiment, there can be only one variable, so we

need to...

Pardon me, you, with a woman whose sexual competence is not a factor,

someone who's come across this problem before, often, and has some ideas of how

to treat it.

I am... I am offering you the chance to be

a pioneer, you know, like Wilbur Wright flying over the heads

of the doubting French.

At Le Mans.

There's film of that, you know.

Then a year later, 1909, first aerial shots.

There's history to be made here, Lester.

What made you look up, Mrs. Masters?

Well, um, the sound of the truck, the squeal of the tires.

And how close would you say you were to it when it passed you?

I guess the distance from here to about there.

How's your vision, Mrs. Masters?

Can you read the sign there?

The law of the land is our demand.

Now, those letters are about the same size as numbers on a license plate,

wouldn't you say?

Well, I didn't... As I said, the truck went by so fast.

I saw that it was old and blue with an engine that had a terrible rattle to it.

By the time I got in my car and turned the corner, I saw Mr... Sorry, I forgot

that poor man's name.

Gilroy. Leonard Gilroy.

Mr. Gilroy on the curb.

It was a distressing sight, wasn't it?

A man bound and gagged, his body thrown to the curb like a sack of grain.

It was terrible.

Had you ever seen anything like it before?

No. It shakes a person up, doesn't it?

Rattles you.

You know, when I'm rattled, I forget things.

Details. Maybe there are a few you forgot.

She can't help, Marcus. She didn't see it happen. She wasn't a night witness.

No, I didn't hear Mrs. Masters expressly say that, Robert. Well, I... I want to

make sure you understand the stakes. Here, ma'am.

Before you commit to an answer, the stakes might jog your memory and cause

you to recollect the situation differently than when you and Robert

first spoke.

For example, you might recollect that you were already in your car when that

truck passed you.

that you were just a second behind it when you turned on the slocum, close

enough to see that the first three numbers of the license plate were 289,

right before you saw Leonard Gilroy thrown off the back of that truck.

It would be very helpful, Mrs. Masters, if you recollected that.

Because I'm sorry to say that the St. Louis Police Department thinks people

with your color eyes see better than people with my color eyes.

What are you doing? We have a patient coming.

I know, vaginismus, right?

Dr. Masters said it was okay. I haven't documented a single vaginismus yet. We

are seeing a woman, Lester, and on a dysfunction.

She's just beginning treatment. She's self-conscious enough as it is without

camera trained on her.

But Dr. Masters said... I'm saying that it's too soon.

Out.

Vaginismus is the loss of control over the muscles of the perineum and the

outer third of the vagina.

These muscles contract spastically in response to entry, or even the

suggestion of entry.

Can it be a holiday?

Doesn't it sound like a holiday, the feast of vaginismus?

Virginia has explained to you the importance of a vaginal examination.

Yes. You've been penetrated before.

When I was very young, yes.

Without difficulty?

Dr. Masters means physical difficulty. We understand that there was a difficult

emotional component.

When he first put it inside me, it hurt, and there was a little blood.

And after the first time?

The pain was lessened, but then once I realized that the circumstances were...

Inappropriate. Does he know who I was? He does.

After that, the intercourse stopped.

And then, years later, when I tried to have relations, vaginal relations,

with Gail, my fiancé, it was as if I had closed up entirely down there.

Okay, so what we're going to do today is help you understand

How your body has been responding how the muscles constrict physically to

prevent penetration So first I will be inserting a dilator into your vagina

today Now we're gonna go very slowly very gently with lubrication

All right, and then once the dilator is inside you you're gonna

feel yourself clenching around

But without the back and forth of intercourse, the muscles will relax and

begin to comfortably accommodate.

Don't mind me.

We don't have to do this today. No, no, no, no. I want to.

I want to get it over with.

All right.

Deep breath.

And go very slowly.

I'm sorry. No, no. I can't. I can't. I can't. Please.

Stop. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why don't we just...

barb a few moments to herself, shall we?

You know how I feel about this, Bill. We are only treating one half of the

problem. Yes, the half we can do something about. Every patient with

sexual dysfunction is going to experience some kind of distress. It's

the distress that brings them here. Yes, it is terrible for them. And yes, it is

hard to stand by and watch. But are we going to turn them away?

When we have the means to treat their physical symptoms? We are clearing the

way for her to have intercourse that she is psychologically unprepared for. And

why do you assume that some kind of emotional breakthrough is going to

relieve her physical problems? We can offer a practical treatment, Virginia.

Anything else.

And we are out of our depth.

Now let's go back in and try again.

I'm trying to remember the last time something that I said mattered this

much.

I could send those men to jail, couldn't I?

I don't think so.

You think the system's that corrupt?

That the eyewitness testimony of an upstanding member of this community

wouldn't be enough to indict them?

Well, maybe someone else's, just not yours.

What's wrong with my testimony?

You ever lied before?

Yes.

Of course. Who hasn't?

White lies.

White lies, huh?

What did you do?

Someone once make the wrong change in your favor and you didn't correct them?

And tell your girlfriend you like her hairdo when you didn't?

Are you insulting me?

You made a left turn on the sulcum?

That's right.

With the light or after the light had changed?

With the light.

There's no traffic light on that corner.

It's a stop sign.

Yes, well, under the circumstances, a person could forget that.

Well, how'd you happen to remember the license plate, Mrs. Masters?

I mean, you had to make visual note of that before you saw anything unusual.

I just... It stuck in my mind.

Uh, 289, because that was my street address when I was a child.

289 Cedar Avenue.

Well, they can check that, so it better be true.

Is it true?

No.

So I... Instead I could say... What should I say?

You seem real flustered, ma'am.

Are you flustered?

I... You saw a man bound and gagged and thrown from the back of a truck. I mean,

what did you do?

Did you stop the car and get out?

No. You just drove on?

Yes. To a police station, I'm assuming.

No. You saw someone commit a crime.

A despicable act, and you didn't drive straight to the authorities to report

it? I am doing that now. I am here, now. The defense will eat you for lunch, Mrs.

Masters, and pick you out their teeth.

You'll do us more harm than good. It ain't worth it. Well, then why did that

lawyer, Mr. Gabler, ask me?

Because he doesn't know you. Oh, and you do.

So I'm not a good liar, as if that is something to be ashamed of.

So I don't have a criminal record, like some people.

You know, when I was 17,

I threw a brick through a plate glass window of a service station and stole a

set of tires just because they was fine and I wanted them.

Now, it was stupid.

You know, I was a stupid kid, but I wanted something I couldn't get any

other way than by taking it.

Now, I don't want things that don't belong to me anymore, but the things

that do, the things that I'm entitled to that someone says I can't have.

Oh, I'm gonna get them any way I can.

You came to me.

You asked for my help, and I am here, and I am willing to give it to you.

And now you don't want it?

Now it's not... It's not good enough for you?

I'm not good enough for you?

You're a careful woman, Mrs. Masters.

And I'm guessing you...

You came to a complete stop at that stop sign. You looked both ways. You

signaled. You drove on help. You didn't get out of the car.

Now, we need a different kind of person on that witness stand.

Now, it's real good of you to want to help.

And we thank you kindly for your offer.

But we'll make do without it.

And you just go on home now.

Don't be.

You were both very patient.

I'm sorry that I made it so difficult.

I'm doing the right thing, aren't I? By trying to fix myself.

I know it's unfair of me to ask you because what are you supposed to say?

Thank you.

I think that we can help you.

We're going to try our very best.

I want to believe you.

I... I have trouble trusting people. Of course you do.

People have let you down.

Taken advantage of you. People close to you.

Maybe even the person closest to you.

My brother, you mean?

What would you say to him if you could?

Well, we still talk.

Not about what happened, but he lives in Chesterfield.

He just got divorced.

Again.

Again, again. It's the third time.

What would you have wanted to say to him when you were that little girl, but you

couldn't because you were too afraid?

Like what?

Did you ever tell him to stop?

I don't know.

I must have, right?

What if you were to say it now, out loud?

Tell him now, but say it as your 12-year-old self.

Stop.

Adorable. He just tucked himself right under my arm.

I could tell he was dropping off, so I skipped ahead a bit.

Johnny will never let you get away with that. Did he make you go back?

And then insisted on turning the rest of the pages himself.

Did Bill want a boy?

Um, just a healthy baby, he said.

Frank says that too, but I know he wants one.

The giveaway is when you see your husband with your friend's kids, isn't

it? How he jokes with the boys, but doesn't quite know what to say to the

girls? Yes, I suppose.

I'm glad they're going together tonight. It was important to Frank that he

introduce Bill to his crowd.

He may find that his brother can be a little on the taciturn side.

Oh, that's perfectly okay.

Really, no one there expects him to say a thing.

Why would that be?

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

Those who do not recover are people who are not completely willing to give

themselves. You said you were meeting friends of yours.

And here they are.

Total strangers.

Most of whom know me better than I know myself.

It's my birthday, Bill.

I want you here to celebrate it.

It's your birthday in March.

My sober birthday.

They're going to give me a chip and let me tell my story.

I want you to hear it.

They have the capacity to be honest.

You must be Lester.

Coming in.

Very nice to meet you, Miss... Kitty.

Miss Kitty.

Like on Gunsmoke.

The proprietress of the Long Branch Saloon in Dodge City.

Although everyone knew Miss Kitty wasn't really a barkeep as much as she was a

prostitute.

It's okay.

You just relax.

We're going to have a good time tonight.

Nothing is going to happen that you don't want to happen.

What if I don't want anything to happen?

Now, why would you say that?

Don't you think I'm pretty?

Pretty? Oh, yes, you're very pretty.

My sister has your hair color. Okay, see, now that's not a great road to go

down, Lester.

Why don't we just try having a normal conversation?

Maybe we could start by you telling me what you like.

The French New Wave.

About me?

That's a very lovely blouse.

Oh, thank you.

It's very silky.

Do you want to feel how silky it is?

I can tell from here.

To be honest, it's a little constricting.

A little tight around the bust area.

Wow. I should tell you, my heart's beating very fast.

May I take that as a compliment?

I think it's paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia. It's what killed my father

very recently.

I'm so sorry.

Now, Lester, what's the worst thing that could happen here?

I could drop dead.

Well, let's pretend like I'm a doctor.

A cardiologist?

Okay. A cardiologist.

You'd trust a cardiologist, wouldn't you?

Depends on where he went to medical school.

Well, I went to the best medical school in the world, and I studied more things

than just the heart.

But ultimately, you'd have to pick a specialty.

No, it was very difficult.

As it turns out, I'm good at everything.

Patients can lie down on my exam table, and I can diagnose their problems.

And I use my magic touch to heal them.

Doesn't that make medical school superfluous? I instinctively know where

to press, where to squeeze, where to stroke, and where to

lick.

Won't you let me show you, Lester, how I can bring men back to life?

Hi, I'm Frank and I'm an alcoholic.

I'm very grateful to be here tonight.

Been practicing that move since I was eight.

Disappearing acts have always been my specialty.

Not just coins or...

I had this trick when I was a kid.

I could make myself disappear.

I could sense trouble coming just from the way my dad came through the door.

Shazam! I was out the door, down the street, telling Mrs. Magivern jokes,

helping water her tomato plants so she'd invite me to have supper with her family

before anyone at my house would even miss me.

After a while, I decided to up the ante.

Teach myself to disappear without ever going anywhere.

I could be sitting at the dinner table and my dad would be telling me what he

thought about me taking tap dancing lessons or

any extra helpings.

Getting a B in biology.

Your brother never got a B.

And presto. I was gone.

Some tricks get easier the more you practice, but this one got harder. It

took more and more effort to make it look simple.

After a while, I needed a fearless assistant to help me pull it off.

And I found lots of them.

Brandy, sherry, scotch.

Bourbon.

Gin.

I always thought I was just born with this natural gift.

It wasn't until I quit drinking, until my sobriety allowed me this

magnificent clarity.

That I realized I had a teacher all along.

My dad.

The greatest magician of all time.

He could make things vanish like that.

His approval.

My mother's smile.

The fun of a baseball game he'd been waiting for all summer. I'd do one thing

to disappoint him.

blow a line at the Christmas pageant, strike out with the bases loaded, and

afterwards he wouldn't let me get in the car.

He'd made me walk home, once in a heat wave, once in a snowstorm.

I'd watch his car pull away, and I'd see him get smaller and

smaller as he drove into the distance until...

He was gone.

Without saying a word, just by his example, he taught both of his boys

how to vanish.

Didn't he, Bill?

Ta-da.

I'm not sure what you mean.

What else?

That was good, the finding your voice exercise. I think that really helped.

So I was hoping you had another suggestion.

I see.

So you're done with that part.

Well, I imagined what I would have liked to have said to my brother.

You said to do that, I did it, so what do I do now?

You seem very intent on moving through this process as quickly as possible,

Barbara.

Do you blame me for that? For wanting a little peace of mind? That's why I'm

here, after all.

You're asking if I blame you.

I meant... I know that you don't blame. It's a... It's a figure of speech.

Familiar to you, though, isn't it?

You feel blamed.

Judged.

Misunderstood. You felt that from your mother, you said.

And your, um... I'm sorry, your fiancée.

Gil yes who else No

one really Have

you ever withheld some truth about yourself because you feared

someone's judgment But there was someone

That I was close to my boss actually she died a few years back I was afraid of

her finding out something that I had done which she did by accident

I Was

I was seeing a married man, and how did your friend react to that she Let

me have it But the situation was it wasn't entirely as she understood

it to be.

Lillian... Lillian saw things in black and white in this relationship.

There was a lot of gray area in that relationship.

So she judged you more harshly than you felt you deserved?

Yes.

And yet you say you anticipated her judgment.

So clearly you had a sense of what her objections would be.

Well... Of course, yeah. He was married.

And that bothered your friend.

And not you.

I never saw myself as a threat to the man's wife.

Because? Because I never wanted to marry him.

So that was the only way you posed a threat, if you wanted this woman's

husband for yourself?

Yes.

So why did it end?

I'm sorry?

Well, if you weren't concerned about this man's wife, what caused the

relationship to end?

Gil.

I met Gil.

Leona take ages to get ready So Frank and I'd wind up sitting in the living

room waiting for her to make an entrance and in the meantime He'd be trying to

make me laugh doing all these crazy routines most of which he just stole off

the TV One day he knocked on the door and my sister answered it all smiles and

batted eyelashes Oh Francis, and he said actually Leona. I'm here for Pauline

So how about you and Belle

Oh, um, uh, I was working as a medical secretary.

Uh-huh.

Uh, we, we didn't get married right away, but only because he was so busy

with his practice.

We fell in love very quickly.

He was, um, he was so charming.

I know, the master's charm.

I, for one, was blinded by it.

It's probably what prevented me from seeing the signs for so long.

Signs of Frank's drinking?

It's embarrassing what I missed, really.

Things I just chalked up to his having a big personality.

My God.

The mood swings.

The impulsivity.

A new car.

A new house. A new medical partnership.

He got sloppy toward the end, though.

Couldn't keep his story straight.

The lies.

Where he'd been all night.

Why he couldn't make love.

And then, of course, there was the visit to the ER where he almost died.

And I said, it's the bottle or me.

Pick.

You really think you would have walked away?

You would have done the same thing in my position, Libby.

No one expected me to draw the line.

Honestly, I think most people considered me as a bit of a ninny.

I'm sure that's not true. I was.

You wouldn't recognize the person I was before.

I was the go-along gal.

The laugh you could always count on.

I didn't want to make waves.

Didn't ever want to upset anyone.

I tell you, it felt good to do something no one thought I was capable of.

He thought I saved his life, but really, I was saving my own.

So, Dr. Masters does not want to go up in size today.

We're just going to see if the insertion itself is less painful.

and if you can tolerate the same dilation for longer.

So how's the soreness after?

I went home and took a warm bath, like you said.

And you took the pain pill?

I followed all your instructions.

Good.

That's good.

Including talking to Paul.

I'd be saying those things to him.

Wait, do you mean you spoke to him in your head?

Or in person?

We met.

I meant... The suggestion was that you think about what you would have liked

to have said back then. You said to talk to him, so... No, the idea was to

imagine the conversation, not... I didn't have to imagine one because he

lives 20 miles away and we met for dinner like we do sometimes anyway.

And?

Remember when I said... Do you remember that time when

we... I could have said went sledding on Bergen

Hill for all it upset him.

Did he deny it? No.

Nope.

Not at all.

But he remembered it different.

He said that it was my idea.

That's absurd.

Barb, of course he's going to say that. No, no, no. No, it wasn't like that. He

didn't accuse me. He just... He reminded me.

I... I forgot that there were these triplets that moved in across the street

from us that summer, and every morning he wanted to go.

Off with them.

And I wanted him to stay home.

Play with me.

Just with me.

And so I invented this game to keep him

interested.

And it worked.

You don't know that that's what happened.

Makes sense, Virginia.

If he had violated me, how could we be so close?

How could I want to see him be happy? Barb, these things are complicated.

I'm just learning myself how complicated. I want to remember this is

his fault.

Because I want to be absolved of responsibility for how my life has

turned out.

Being alone.

For not being able to love someone in a way that is not shameful and dirty.

What if it's my fault, Virginia?

What if I did this to myself?

You know in Sunset Boulevard how William Holden's dead floating in the pool and

telling the story at the same time?

That was me.

Splayed on the bed.

Hovering above it all at the same time.

Victim and narrator.

Come on now, isn't that a little overstated? I'm telling you, I was

completely disassociated from my body.

In my head, looking down at myself thinking, what's going on down there?

What is she doing?

Where is she touching me?

Has this woman ever pulled taffy for a living? What was she doing exactly? Was

it all manual stimulation or oral as well?

Why are you writing any of this down?

Nothing happened, alright?

I flopped.

Literally. Even if you didn't achieve an erection, Lester, it's still of clinical

value. It allows us to rule out techniques that weren't effective this

time, but next time you'll be able to... No, no, no. There's not going to be a

next time. Lester.

Can't you find another guy in my situation to be your guinea pig?

You say we're everywhere, right? I want you to stay with this, Lester. I can't.

The single variable thing may work for the study, but not for me.

For me, I need just two people figuring it out together.

Not an expert and a novice.

Just a man and a woman equally matched, even if they both happen to be inept.

That would be tantamount to the blind leading the blind.

Not if they're already a couple.

If they know each other's bodies, have feelings for each other.

So many subjects have come through your door.

Don't you know a couple like that?

Ginny. Liv.

What are you doing here? Oh, well, I'm... Can I get a refill, please?

May I join you for a second?

I'm sorry, Liv. I really should head back upstairs. I won't take up much of

your time, miss. I just... Well, I'm stalling, really.

I'm trying to screw up my courage.

To do what?

Can I tell you after I know how it turns out?

In case I chicken out?

Of course.

I really should get going. Let's just say that I could use some of what you

have in abundance.

Nerve.

Really, Jen, I keep thinking about when you first started working with Bill at

maternity. How you just walked into his office without any experience and yet

you demanded to be taken seriously.

What made you think that you could do that? It was... It was not courage, if

that's what you're thinking.

What was it, then?

False sense of entitlement, maybe?

Recklessness?

Stupidity?

Come on. Libby, I... I don't read instructions. I just take things out of

the box and I plug them in. To hell with the consequences.

Hell with the blown fuses.

The fingers almost lost in a spinning blade.

That's ridiculous.

I look at you and... You're one of the bravest people that I know.

You just see what you want and you... You go and get it. Don't do that,

please.

I mean it, don't...

Hold me up as an example of anything.

I really need to get upstairs. We have patients.

Of course. You go.

We have your wife scheduled for a capping this afternoon. Did I get the

timer? She'll be here.

I was hoping to have a private word with Bill.

Oh, Dr. Masters.

Dr. Mason is here to see you.

I'm sorry, did you say Mason?

Yeah, that's right. In my office, please, Frank.

My name's not... My office.

Is there anything you'd like to say to me about last night, Bill?

You open for an apology?

You don't think your abrupt departure calls for one? Well, it seems an

appropriate response to a bait-and-switch.

You're hardly introducing me to some friends.

I was reintroducing myself to you.

I needed their support.

It's in rooms like that I've found the courage to tell the truth.

My truth.

Well, which is it, the truth or your truth?

Maybe if you'd stayed and listened. I already knew the whole story.

A sadistic father.

Always teaching his son a lesson in humiliation.

The kid who left home to become a doctor.

To make a career out of saving lives.

Having barely been able to save his own. I knew it because it's my story,

Francis.

And maybe AA's allowed you to appropriate my experience as

justification for your overindulgence.

What? Or maybe you truly are deluded. All that alcohol has played tricks on

your mind.

Now, just a minute. I fumbled a fourth down 33-yard pass at the 8-yard line.

That was me. He pulled out of the car. Me, he made walk home in the rain.

Me, his tires splattered with mud as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Me, who knew there was a beating waiting for me when I got back home.

You were in the backseat, little brother, watching me through the rear

window.

You saw it happen to me.

What makes you think the same thing didn't happen to me after you were gone,

that I was your replacement?

Because if I thought that was possible, I never would have left

you behind.

No, you were the apple of his eye.

Show you off in front of company.

Make you perform. For Christ's sake, he gave you his name.

One father skips over his firstborn to give his second son his name.

A son of a bitch.

That's who.

That's what he was.

To both of us.

You tunneled under the wall. I went over it. We both escaped.

Look, whatever you need to believe to keep yourself on the straight and

narrow.

I'm healed, Bill.

That's what the truth does.

You just have to be brave enough to face it.

Oh, I see. I see.

So the point of dragging me to that meeting wasn't really to share insights

about yourself, was it?

Who did you really think you were in that story, Bill?

Me?

Or him?

Think about it.

There's nothing to think about. He left you.

And you left me.

I don't blame you for it.

I did.

But I understand now.

And I forgive you.

Heat out above the eighth floor and cool it. That's at least 600 people.

May I help you, Mrs. Masters?

I was coming to ask you the same thing.

I was wondering if you could use my help.

You want to volunteer?

Yes.

What can you do?

I can type. I can answer phones. I can stuff envelopes.

We need someone to make a sandwich run.

What can I get for you?

I'm fine.

Really?

Nothing, huh?

Actually, I'm playing catch up with you.

Does it help you to be here with me?

I don't know what you mean.

Does drinking help to relieve your conscience about what it is we're doing

here with each other?

About what it is we're doing to Libby?

Libby?

Where is this all coming from all of a sudden? Isn't the question why hasn't it

come up sooner?

I want to know.

What things have we told ourselves that make it possible to do what it is we've

done here in this room?

It's not as if you've told me that you don't love your wife.

The way a married man strings along a mistress.

I do love her. I know.

I love her too.

She's been a wonderful friend to me.

I almost wish that there was something that I could point to, some terrible

thing that she had done to me that would justify what it is I've done to her.

There's nothing.

What do you tell yourself, Bill, that makes all of this okay?

Jesus, Virginia, what's the matter with you?

I don't know.

But maybe there is something wrong with me with both of us.

I want to talk about this, Bill. Why?

What's the point? What does this endless self-examination accomplish?

except to make everyone who engages in it miserable.

The past is past.

You can't change it. You can poke at it and prod it, but you cannot change it.

So you move on.

You do your best, which is what I've done. I can move ahead with certainty

that I have never made a decision with the intention of hurting anyone. Then

you're a fool.

You don't think any of this would hurt Libby?

I... Don't intend for her to find out. I see. So as long as she remains

oblivious... I weighed what she did not know against the value of everything we

are trying to accomplish here. No, no. We have a greater purpose, Virginia. The

study... The study? It hasn't been about the study in years, Bill.

When is the last time we noted a session?

Used a stopwatch?

Added up anything besides our bar tap?

We cannot pretend that there is any point to what we are doing here.

Beyond our own physical pleasure. What we do in this room does not make a damn

bit of difference to anybody but us. It will.

You can say that. We are not going to find a cure for dysfunction in an exam

room. We're not.

We can diagnose individual conditions, we can rule out underlying issues, but

we're not going to find answers pairing impotent men with prostitutes, wives

with husbands whose sexual techniques have made them frigid.

It's going to take subjects that understand sexual response, who know

each other's bodies. What are you saying?

That this is research that you and I should undertake here?

That this is important enough to justify what it is we've done to Libby?

You can't treat a sexual dysfunction... Theoretically.

It's practical work. It is trial and error. Yes, I'm aware of that. Then tell

me, Bill, what sexual dysfunction are you proposing we treat?