Original subtitles

I can't read your writing.

New brakes for the Camaro.

Or... the Camry?

That's definitely a C.

I got a Jetta and a Miata back there.

Huh. Maybe give 'em a test drive,

see which one don't stop.

I'll figure it out.

Huh.

Why are you ordering so many tires?

Well, we are a tire store.

But there's more to this business than just sales,

there's other KPIs we need to think about.

KPI? That some of your business school BS?

See? I can do letters, too.

KPI. Key performance indicator.

Can't you just talk regular?

You first.

I need to buy a bunch of tires

so I can sell a bunch of tires. It ain't complicated.

I'm just saying, we looked at a case study in my class

on how Toyota optimized their inventory

so they can have more cash on hand.

Just 'cause you're taking business classes

don't make you better than me.

Not better, just smarter,

more knowledgeable.

I guess you can say "better."

Yeah? Well I got something

they can't teach in school: instinct.

You can't run a business on instincts.

My instincts say you can.

I knew I shouldn't have bought this store with you.

Guess you should've followed your instincts.

♪

[coos]

Oh, Connor, I ran into that friend of yours

-from high school. -Which one?

The one that was over here all the time.

I think he had a crush on me.

That was Larry. He had a crush on Mom.

He was a hugger.

Anyway, he asked if you were going to your ten-year reunion.

Ten years? Wow, that was fast.

Time flies when you live over your parents' garage.

So, are you going?

I don't know.

I can't wait to go

to my ten-year reunion.

Well, you're gonna have to,

'cause it's about ten years away.

That's funny, 'cause Mandy's was five years ago,

which means her 20th is gonna be before...

Okay, thank you.

Don't you have to graduate to be invited

to your high school reunion?

Oh, I'll be invited. And you know why?

Millionaires get invited to everything.

[scoffs] Honey, you're not a millionaire.

Not yet, but I will be.

And when I go, everyone's gonna see

you don't need high school or college to be a success.

Well, not everybody does,

but I sure learned a lot in college.

We know. We've all seen you play beer pong.

We've also seen her on TV.

Thank you.

Yeah, at my reunion

I'm gonna have my hot TV wife

on my arm

and hundred-dollar bills falling out of my pocket.

I wish I had your confidence.

If I could bottle it and sell it,

I'd already be a millionaire.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

You keep saying how great this class is.

I'm here to be impressed.

You're just trying to annoy me.

Smart. I'm impressed.

Don't embarrass me.

I ain't gonna embarrass you.

Okay, class, let's get started.

[door closes]

Your professor's a lady?

Oh, my God.

Tonight, we'll be talking about

how the new tax code

affects small business expansion.

Excuse me, I have a quick question.

No, you don't.

I'm sorry, are you in this class?

He's not, throw him out.

I'm not a student yet, but I thought I'd come

kick the tires before I signed up.

Oh, okay.

That joke's funnier if you know I own a tire store.

Ruben, don't you also own a tire store?

I do.

Do you know this gentleman?

Yeah.

So, are you partners or rivals?

[laughs]

Yeah.

We're actually making a lot of money,

so if you want us to share any of our

real-world experiences, just say the word.

Well, I appreciate that, but this class is based on

my own experience running a business.

Business slow? That why you're teaching on the side?

Actually, I sold my company a few years ago.

What kind of company?

The kind that Texas Instruments bought

for four million dollars.

She owned a software company

that she sold to Texas Instruments.

She?

Yes, Mandy, women can be businessmen, too.

[scoffs] Well, I'm just glad you had fun.

I told her about my supply chain ideas

and she said I was an "outta-the-box thinker."

Oh, good for you.

That was my problem in high school.

All the teachers wanted me to think in the box.

And to show up to class.

You're sounding really "in-the-box" right now.

How does Ruben feel about you crashing his class?

He hates it.

But he's just worried about Patricia

liking me more than him.

Patricia?

Don't worry, she's old.

Although she is loaded, so...

Well, just remember, I will take you for half.

You know, this whole thing made me realize

if there's something I'm interested in,

I'm just as much of a genius as my brother.

Sheldon went to college at 12.

Yeah, and if tire college was a thing,

that could've been me.

What you got going today?

Well, I'm gonna drop CeeCee off at preschool,

then hit the dry cleaners, grocery store.

What about you?

Clean out the gutters, and, uh,

been meaning to fix that light switch in the closet.

I'm gonna restring my ukulele,

so looks like we all have busy days.

Hey, you thought any more about your reunion?

Yeah, I don't think I'm going.

[gasps] Really? I had a blast at mine.

Well, that's 'cause you were popular.

Nobody cares about that anymore.

You know, everybody just wants to gossip

about who got fat and divorced.

I am slim and single.

See? You should go.

He doesn't want to, Amanda. Why are you pushing him?

Well, I just think he would have fun.

I'll think about it.

Oh, uh, little tip.

If somebody shows you a picture of their baby,

don't ask what's wrong with it.

Why would you do that?

It was wearing a helmet.

No.

Don't you remember how hard high school was for Connor?

He struggled,

he was bullied.

Even after you left the house.

Now everyone's gonna be talking about their careers

and houses and families.

It's just gonna make him feel bad.

Why? He has no bills, no responsibilities,

and he can sleep with anybody he wants.

Huh.

Now I feel bad.

Hey, did you do the reading

for this week's class?

Yeah.

Great, can I borrow your book?

No.

Fine, I'll buy my own.

What do they cost-- like, 20 bucks?

Try 80.

For a book?

Is it full of lottery tickets?

Cut it out. You're just trying to piss me off.

That is how it started,

but now I'm actually interested.

Well, too bad. You can't just show up

halfway through a semester.

It's night school.

You give 'em a hundred bucks, you do whatever you want.

This isn't a joke, Georgie.

I'm the first person in my family to go to college.

Well, I'm the first person in my family to go at a normal age.

Do you know what they sacrificed to get me here?

[scoffs]

Mine's sacrificing, too.

CeeCee's missing me doing all the voices at story time.

No one does The Cat in the Hat like this guy.

I've busted my ass nights and weekends,

and you think you can just waltz in

and keep up in an advanced course?

Do you know how arrogant that is?

You're just worried I'm gonna do better than you.

No, I'm worried you're gonna waste everyone's time

trying to impress the professor.

You mean Patricia?

I know her first name, too.

One of the keys to franchising

is building brand loyalty.

So, how do we do that?

-Ruben. -Consistent quality of work.

People want to know they're getting the same great service

no matter where they go.

Very good.

Thank you... Patricia.

Sure, the work is important,

but I think it's

the personality that keeps bringing 'em back.

You can't franchise personality.

I disagree.

People go to a business

because they trust a face.

Your Colonel Sanders, your Ronald McDonald.

The face of our business is also a clown.

Okay, let's just get back to the...

If you think it's an insult to compare me to Ronald McDonald,

one of the greatest businessmen of all time...

...it ain't.

Oh, my God. Do you see

-what I'm dealing with? -GEORGIE: Do you see

what I'm dealing with,

having to drag him kicking and screaming

into every good idea?

Why do you think you always know best?

'Cause I got street smarts.

There's another term for that.

-It's "book dumb." -Gotten me this far.

Didn't get you through high school, did it?

He's a dropout.

You know what? Screw you.

In my defense, that was, like, three years of bottled-up anger.

Hey.

Really? Not talking?

Fine.

Ah.

[rock music playing]

[hip-hop playing]

♪ Pump up the bass, keep the show live♪

Ah.

♪ Pump up the bass, keep the show live♪

♪ Show live, show live♪

♪ I'm a natural-born k...♪

[rock music playing]

♪ Tonight's the night, you're on my list...♪

[hip-hop playing]

♪ My whole life, been doing the same thing...♪

[rock music playing]

[hip-hop playing]

-[rock music playing] -[radio stops]

This is stupid.

You calling me stupid?

I didn't say you're stupid, I said

this is stupid.

Well, I guess I didn't

understand you because I'm a dropout.

You realize you started this

by showing up to my class?

No, you started this by acting like you going to school

makes you better than me.

You think you're better than everyone.

At everything.

Y'all open?

-Course we're open! -How can we help you?!

Can I borrow the car tomorrow night?

For what?

I'm gonna go to my reunion after all.

Oh.

Really?

That's it?

I think "oh" covered it.

So, can I have the car?

Well, it's just so last-minute.

-Did you even RSVP? -I did.

Oh.

What is going on? Do you not want me to go?

-[scoffs] -No, look, it-it...

it's just that your mother and I

are a little worried that...

Audrey, how'd you put it?

We just don't want you to feel bad about yourself.

Why would I feel bad about myself?

-Oh, you shouldn't. -I don't.

And I don't want anyone to make you feel that way.

You're making me feel that way.

And I love you,

so imagine how they'll make you feel.

Unbelievable.

Oh.

Maybe we shouldn't have said anything.

You didn't!

[groans]

Oh, you doing some homework?

Trying to study for a quiz.

Let's see.

"Competitive Strategy in Business Administration."

[scoffs] Can't wait for the movie.

Listen to this.

"Franchising is an expansion strategy

"that allows for greater ROIC

"by accelerating GMP

while leveraging external entrepreneurial capital."

Aw, now I know how it ends.

How can anyone understand this junk?

You know, if you don't want to do this,

you don't have to do it.

Yes, I do.

Ruben doesn't think I can,

and I need to shove it in his face.

Well, as long as it's for the right reasons.

You're just not used to studying.

Oh... Let me help you. I can be your TA.

Everyone's got to stop talking in letters.

Teacher's assistant.

Look, I'm sure there's a glossary in the back

where you just look up what these terms mean.

Each one? That's gonna take forever.

Well, how about this?

Every time you look one up and memorize it,

I will undo a button.

Okay.

Let's see...

ROIC.

"Return on investment capital."

Huh.

That actually makes sense.

That's the money you get back

for the money you put in.

Mm. Nice job.

I'm starting to get why people like college.

GMP.

"Global market..."

Think we may need a different study method.

No, it's working,

GMP, general...

-Nope. -Dang it.

Key performance...

indicator.

What you doing?

Uh, studying.

Hm, that's how I used to cheat.

Flunked algebra 'cause I stepped in a puddle.

I hate this.

It's like high school all over again.

What do you mean?

I was Sheldon's idiot brother,

then I finally found something I was smart at.

At least I thought I was.

Here I am, cheating on a quiz

like I'm in tenth grade.

If it makes you feel better,

looks like I'm the same loser I was back then.

You ain't a loser.

You're not an idiot.

I don't remember what KPI means,

and I just wrote it on my shoe.

I guess some part of us always

feels like we did in high school.

Well, you shouldn't.

My parents think I should.

They don't want me to go to my reunion.

That's crazy.

You had a song on the radio. Your band went on tour.

I got arrested.

That don't make you a loser,

that makes you interesting.

Who would you rather talk to,

some insurance salesman or a hardened criminal?

It was only a misdemeanor.

Hey, you spent the night in jail.

You're right.

That changes a man.

Thanks.

That helped.

Of course.

Wait, isn't there anything you want to say to me?

Actually, yes, get your shoe off the table.

We eat there.

Morning.

Oh, we talking today?

I ain't in the mood.

Worried about the quiz?

I'll give you the answer to the first question.

Your name is Georgie Cooper.

I dropped the class this morning. You happy?

No. I wanted you to drop

after I kicked your butt on the quiz.

I was gonna hang 'em both right here.

Stupid college won't even give me my money back.

What kind of business is that?

What if we just charged people for a year of oil changes

whether they use 'em or not?

If only we could.

Right?

Actually, why can't we?

'Cause no one would do it.

They would if they thought

they were saving money.

What are you talking about?

We charge 'em 50 bucks a year for unlimited oil changes.

They're getting a good deal if they come in three times.

But most people won't.

Exactly.

Plus, we're getting all that money up front,

so we can use all that capital-- business word...

...to do our...

...KPIs.

Not how you use KPI, but keep talking.

And we renew them every year.

If they don't cancel, we just keep charging 'em.

That's good.

That part I got from Columbia House.

I'm still paying for albums I don't want.

I hate what a great idea this is.

Actually, I take that back.

I hate you for what a great idea this is.

And I hate you for how good you are at the school stuff.

[chuckles] Partnership built on hate.

I think this could last.

Worked for Tom and Jerry.

And you don't even have to go to class tonight.

Oh, they ain't ripping me off.

I'm going and I'm gonna pass that quiz.

'Cause you wrote the answers on your shoe?

Outside the box, baby.

There you go.

-You look great. -I do, don't I?

And just remember, if you run out of things to talk about,

you can always tell them that your sister

is the second-most watched weathergirl in Medford.

Aren't there only two?

You don't have to say that part.

I'm glad Georgie convinced me to go.

I also said you should go.

Look at that-- you're the second-most convincing person

-in this house. -[scoffs]

Well, what did he say that was so great?

He reminded me that I'm interesting.

You are.

I know.

So I'm gonna go and be interesting.

What's that mean?

Everything's fine, just smile, it's not my fault.

-What... -Smile!

Well, I'm off.

Bringing the accordion, huh?

Can't show up alone, that'd be weird.

Well, have a good time.

Oh, we will.

Don't look at me, Georgie told him to be interesting.

They are gonna eat him alive.

Poor Connor.

[playing "96 Tears" on accordion]

[cheering]

Got you a drink.

Oh, my hands are full.

Just hold it up to my lips.

[playing "El cable"]

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