Original subtitles

Living for the day, Wilshire Boulevard Summer kisses,

catching me off guard I turn the corner and I hear the city say

That every day's a Friday night In LA.

Smell a cheerleader camp in the morning.

Love it.

and show Feliza Hy-Vee.

Ladies, this isn't some pillow fighting slumber sleep away camp for sexually

frustrated women.

You're here to work.

You're here to cheer.

Oh, excuse me.

Hi, excuse me, can you just... Can you just tell me

where... One second.

Man, you really like cheerleading, huh?

Please, hold on one second.

There.

Oh my god.

She's a professional.

Alright, let me see.

Mike, maintenance, huh?

Me too.

I'll show you your cabin.

Wait, um, why is that girl not wearing any... Ah, that is an excellent

question. In the immortal words of Mr. Justin Timberlake, wardrobe malfunction.

But I can see your ass.

Did you really?

Yeah. Good, that's what they hope the judges will see.

You see, Mikey. Michael. Those young, soft, perfect, thrusting,

throbbing... Okay, now you're just saying adjectives. This is cheerleader

camp, man. A place for those girls to come and learn their skills and hone

their craft and to compete, ultimately, on a national, albeit regional, cable

stage for the whole world to see. Okay, but she was naked.

Okay, who judges these things?

Um... judges, I guess. Horny old men judges who find it better to masturbate

to these adolescent girls carrying pom-poms in person than to download this

shit for free off the internet.

Okay.

But why is she naked now?

I mean, there's no judges here.

Oh, wow.

That's pretty good. Oh, yeah.

That's Trey.

He's the head of the whole janitorial maintenance department.

So seriously, this is the place to be for the summer.

It's like Pussy Central.

All these hot young girls, away from their boyfriends, all sexed up, and all

the other guys are gay.

Wait, what? All the guys are gay? All of them, except for me.

And... What? Oh, my God.

They're gay.

What? You're a bone smoker.

What?

Fudge packer, poop pusher, sausage jockey. How do you say it in your

language? What language? The gay language.

Look, I'm fine with it. I was curious when I was 13.

Wanted to see what a dick looked like. Picked up a few magazines.

It's cool. All right, well, there is no language. I'm not gay.

Okay.

Jinkies, I am so sorry.

It's all right, dude. New meat?

You a cheerleader, handsome?

Uh, no, uh, maintenance.

Then you work well with a stick.

oh jesus hey big guy hi sean oh my god oh my

god i know who you are i i don't know you oh i know you you guys met in a bar

truck stop bathroom hotel room youtube i gotta go you're the choker

choker choker the gay language what does that mean

So the thing is, the past couple years I've been a little heavy, but I've been

on this new diet plan and I've lost some weight, so I really think this is going

to be my year.

Well, good for you, man. Thanks.

You want to be careful what you touch. It gets a little sticky in here.

All right, this is our room. This is our bunk.

You can take this one.

I'll take the top.

Oh, thank goodness.

My diet aids have arrived.

I've been waiting all week for these.

Oh, yeah?

Some special food or something?

Yeah, sort of.

You dropped your flashlight. I think it's broken.

Wait, relax.

It's not a real flashlight.

It's a badge light, see?

It's great for my masturbation diet.

Come on, it's the greatest.

You know, it's the first diet that I've ever been able to stick to, you know?

And I've tried them all. I've tried the Atkins and the Zone.

But, you know, with this one, you know, they say that a diet won't work unless

you can really stick to it for your whole life.

And with this one, I really think I can. You're joking, right? I mean,

masturbation diet?

There's no way that can exist.

Yeah, well, tell that to Dr.

Sakamura, who invented it. I mean, it's huge in Japan. It just hasn't caught on

in America yet.

But it will. I'm like an early adopter.

See, every time you spooge, you burn like a hundred calories.

So, all you have to do is keep your number of spooge sessions over the

number of calories you eat in your set.

Then I can eat pretty much whatever I want.

See, I've already lost like five pounds.

Well, I don't know, maybe like three.

You know, I don't think that's my bunk.

What? Um, yeah, I'm gonna get another one.

Uh, that's cool.

Well, we could stick around.

Read some magazines.

Get naked.

Oh!

Are you okay?

I'm so sorry.

I'm... Oh, my God, are you okay? Me? No, you. I tripped into you.

Oh, no, no. I'm fine, really.

You're really hot.

What?

Sweating. Oh.

I mean, you know, you're really hot there in, you know, in your beaver.

I mean, you know, you're just bright pink in your beaver costume.

Costume.

Okay. Let me get you some water.

No, no, no, I'm fine. Really. You're really good.

Falling? No.

I mean, no, backflips. I saw you earlier.

Are you a cheerleader?

No.

Oh, you look really familiar.

Well, I used to be a gymnast.

Did I give you permission to take your mask off, rodent?

Move it, move it. You owe me a backflip.

Michael.

exciting year for Cheerleader Camp.

Not only will our final event be aired on Sports Channel, and not only will the

winners receive a partial college scholarship, but with us today is

Cheerleader Camp's first ever celebrity judge, Ms.

Charlene Tilton.

Many years ago, Charlene and I shared a common path.

We both went to the same high school, although Charlene came some years before

me. Her legacy carried on.

No matter what I did, I could never live up to her reputation.

Nothing could even compare to the Queen Charlene Tilton.

Although I didn't have the same advantages as she did.

Daddy's bankroll, the boob job, the nose job, the tummy tuck.

What was I saying?

Charlene made the varsity cheerleading squad.

And because of her naked persistence and her lust for success, so to speak, this

led her to the glamour of Hollywood.

And she landed a star role on Dallas.

And I ended up here.

I'll be in my cabin getting a drink.

Miss Charlene Tilton, everyone.

She looks pissed.

I'd do her. So, well, Charlene's obviously a big celebrity, and she needs

to get her rest.

Do they all keep the costumes on? The mascots? Uh-huh.

It's like a law of the mascots.

Well, how do they eat? With the, you know, the mask on and everything.

I don't know.

But that girl is totally giving you the eye.

How can you tell? Oh, you can tell.

Just look.

Did you see that?

Right there.

What? Come on. It's not the eye-eye. You gotta look. Look at the body language.

Look at that.

Oh, my God. Dude, you should totally go talk to her.

Really? I'm serious.

Dude, oh, my God. She's smiling at you. Really?

You gotta go. I'll go. If you're not going, I'm going. I'm going. I'm

leaving. I'm gonna go do it. Stop. I'll go. Then go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go.

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

I'll go

Hi. It's really good to see you.

You remember me from before.

Yeah. I hope you know you're feeling better now. And, you know, you're

cooling off because you're really hot.

Before from running.

Oh, thank you.

Well, I'm happy to see you here. And obviously we wouldn't be anywhere else

because we're both here.

And...

So, um, why, uh, why, why are we here?

Do you, do you want to, want to take the mask off now? I, I want to.

No, you don't want to.

It's, uh, very, uh, yeah.

Um,

wow.

All right. Whoa.

Sure. Wow.

You look great. That's all I'm going to say.

This end looks fabulous.

Michael?

Oh, no.

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Hey, sexy.

What the?

I thought that was a girl.

I didn't know. How dare you fooling around out here with this little man

pussy? I'm not gay. Sure, you might be impressing this little monkey ass here,

but I will not let you disrespect a squirrel image like that. Take it off

right now.

Oh, she's naked.

Just leave it on.

I swear, okay, I didn't know that this was a guy. I thought it was... No, I'm

not gay.

You know what? It's okay.

Don't be ashamed.

It's cheer camp.

We're very accepting of gays here. Wait! Just don't! Hold on a second! Wait!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Bottoms up.

Well... This is gonna cost me like eight sessions.

Hey man, how'd it go?

It was a guy.

The mascot. It wasn't her. It was a squirrel and a guy.

Right.

I was wondering about that.

Those beaver teeth didn't look quite beavery enough. You knew this? And you

didn't bother to tell me before I put my hands all over his ass? Beaver,

squirrel, it's the same difference.

Plus, you were already gone by the time I realized.

You know, wait.

You touched it?

Did it move? Even a little? Stop it.

Well, I mean, it kind of figures. I mean, in the real world, you're not

exactly a chick magnet.

What? Hey, look, man, I'd have a fighting chance if you didn't just make

everyone think that I was gay all the time. You're doing a fabulous job of

that all by yourself.

You know what? I bet you could never get two really super hot chicks to let you

fuck them at the same time.

What? What?

How do we even get to that? That's my goal for the summer.

Two chicks at the same time. $3.69 is a real calorie burner.

You're joking, right?

Are you kidding me?

Did you not have a childhood that's like every little boy's fantasy, man?

You know, it's like the difference between pounding it out in a sock, which

is, you know, like, that's okay, and, like, fucking a watermelon, which is

incredible.

Wait a minute. Fucking a watermelon?

Are you kidding? You never stuck your dick in a watermelon?

Um, you know, let me think about that one.

Nope.

It's the best. You know, I used to do it all the time before my diet aids came.

You know, I was in this very kitchen.

Fucking away.

Hey, look, here's one right now. This one's mine.

Dude, someone can eat that, man.

You know, your dick has less germs than your hands do. Oh, so that's a little

piece of knowledge.

All right, stallion, let's make a little bet.

Whoever can get two chicks to let you fuck them at the same time first wins.

You know, I've never said anything about being a stallion. And just so you know,

I'm fine with one, okay? I'm gonna focus on that.

Huh? Yeah.

Why not?

Whatever. One's good.

Hey, guys.

Uh, what's this I hear about a bet? There is no bet. Uh, yes, there is a

bet. We're seeing who can get a three-way first.

Just to clarify, with two girls... Well, I'll take a piece of that action.

What's the winner get?

Um, besides having sex with two chicks?

The glory, man. The glory!

Works for me.

Come on, guys. Let's go clean up.

Oh, fine, Mr. Watermelon.

No! Wait, no, don't eat that. What?

What's wrong?

It's my butt, right?

It's too big. Natalia keeps telling me I cannot eat anything with sugar.

No, no, no. No, no, it's not your butt. Your butt is perfect.

I mean... Yeah?

Oh,

I'm sure you tell all the mascots that.

Oh, I didn't mean it.

Oh, no.

Listen, about that. Look, I know it...

Hey, newbie.

I need you to take out the trash, okay?

Anyway, um... Trey is so cute, am I right?

What? I...

They've gotten really great this year.

They might actually even win.

Win's the number two thought you mean.

So here's the basic method to changing light bulbs.

It's really a science, right? You climb up in the rafters and you change the

light bulb. But once you're there, you stay up there as long as you can so the

girls forget about you.

And then it's like a porno.

Seriously, they start touching each other. Right.

I'm serious.

It's great. It's especially helpful for those little, you know, deposits to the

Spank Bank, which I don't know about you, but my account is running a little

low. with almost 10 withdrawals a day, if you know what I mean.

Masturbation.

Sure.

Damn it! It's empty.

Okay.

Thank you. All right.

This is it. This is where the magic happens.

Okay, let's go.

Holy pussy.

You're coming in to take a shower?

What?

I'm going to take a shower.

Let's go.

I think I pulled a hammy. Are you pissing us?

You should go see Mrs.

Simmons after your shower and ask for the vibrator.

Anywhere near her vibrator. Gross.

No, not the vibrator. The heat thing. You know, the thing for the teeth. Are

you talking about a heat massager for tightness?

Muscle tightness?

Oui, for the teeth.

Yeah, girl, you need to learn the language.

Hey, so did you talk to them after practice?

Yeah, everything is okay. They said as long as you get the assurance from the

school. Great.

I'll get the registration paper.

God, thank you God.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I'm concerned about a little weight gain. Oh, Britt, I promise. It's just

PMS. I'm a little bloated is all. Yeah, Britt, me too. It's PMS, apparently.

Well, it does seem like your boobs are a little bigger.

Let me see.

Yeah, yeah, they're definitely bigger.

Yeah, they're huge.

I mean,

they must be like a D now.

What are you guys doing?

We're just comparing breast sizes.

I bet some of them are bigger than either of yours.

She's doing something

fresh. She doesn't understand.

She's touching her boobs.

Let's see your butts.

That was awesome.

I must have burned like 400 calories with that.

I love European women.

Hey, I'm gonna head back to the cabin for round two

in order to this?

Crap.

My parents sent it.

It's a pommel horse.

Your parents want you to be gay?

No, it's, um, it's for gymnastics.

They're just thinking, um, never mind. What do we got under here?

Yeah, see, there's space for something under there. I could put, like, a

couple, you know, dildos or something under there.

The tickler, you know? Then slide across it.

Hop on.

Pumped through a couple of times.

Had a bone on it and everything.

I just really want you to be good.

And maybe put the Vagilite here.

That's good. And pump. And maybe somebody tickle my butthole. That would

really get... Seriously.

And do you get really sweaty on this? I bet you get really sweaty. I would slip

off. See, we're going to need to get some high grip tape so I don't slip off.

Because I'd get going. And if I get going with the lube and shit, I'm going

to fly right off if I'm not locked onto it.

the city sidewalk breaks into another day away i never

thought i'd follow all right so the trick is just turn this on like this

is

there

anything with you a beer commercial

Yes.

Come on, you guys, keep going!

He's gonna pick her up. He's gonna pick her up. Here it comes, here it comes.

Turn off the sprinkler!

You guys!

No, no, no, no.

You're dead.

But Miss Simmons, our captain's not here.

Just go anyway!

Stop!

Stop!

Cut the music!

Natalia, you need to be up here.

I forgot to tell you, they joined my team.

Ladies, please, stop it.

Or you're both suspended.

Now what happened?

Natalia and the boys just wanted to be on the winning team for once, that's

all. There is no rule against them joining our team.

But they cannot do that, can they? Well, I'm going to have to have a look, but

something tells me... If they are injured at this camp, they can join any

team they want. My father's lawyer checked the bylaws. It's perfectly

legit.

But what are we gonna do then Well, if you can't get more members to perform,

I'm sorry, but you're not gonna be able to compete I mean you can always stay

here at camp and work on your skills, but But then we're not gonna be eligible

for the scholarship.

Oh Did the skanky beaver want to go to college?

Dude really sucks for them

I bet those girls are really vulnerable right now.

I bet we could convince them to have a three-way with us.

I don't want to have sex with you and a girl. Oh, dude, will you stop being so

frickin' faggy? I don't want to have sex with you. I want to have sex with them.

And you might be there.

Strictly for moral support.

Hold on.

Hey.

Hey, hi. I never got your name earlier.

It doesn't matter.

I'm leaving.

It's Sophie.

Sophie.

Look, Mrs. Simmons is looking for more cheerleaders. Why don't you just do

that? I can't. I can't do what they do.

You could do a double backflip with a 40-pound beaver on your back.

50 pounds.

But I'm not cheerleading material.

It would be really great.

I just... I look better inside a costume, not outside of it. You know

what I mean?

Not really.

Look, do you want that scholarship?

Forget it. Half the girls are leaving tonight, the rest of us in the morning.

Do you want the scholarship or not?

Hey, Mikey, come on. We gotta go fix that window.

And get that fucking trash, too.

Just forget it, okay?

One girl.

One girl who will never, ever let you fuck her while she's going down on

another chick.

I mean, that's just the facts. That's the way it is. But here's the best part.

There are a million girls here who would love to do that for you.

You know, if she had her own squad, she'd be able to realize just how good

she really is.

Yeah, right. So now all we need to do is find a place with a bunch of limber,

athletic girls...

who look good in practically no clothes, and who are willing to dance around on

stage in front of a bunch of people.

If such a place existed, I'd be there all the time.

Wait a minute.

I don't know.

This doesn't just seem... Just be cool. It's gonna be awesome, alright?

Oh my god.

Wow. This is a real table.

Wow.

If a guy wants to pay you to go in the back room with him, you go in the back

room with him, okay?

That's not the problem, Marco.

What the problem is, is what they want us to do once we get back there.

That's the problem.

Look, if you don't want to satisfy the client, fine.

I'll just add that lost revenue to the money that you already owe me.

And that goes for all the days I work in this place.

They want to keep a job. Now, look, just do me a favor, okay?

Get up on the stage.

What you want me to be?

What you want me to be?

Hey guys, here's a $10 Carpenter.

No, no, no, out. What, what, what? We're old enough.

Yeah, we're 18.

See that sign?

Tuesday's coleslaw night?

No, the other sign. It says must be 21 or older. Alright, why don't you just

look the other way?

Just this once.

Okay, leaving, done, done, going, going, going, going, going.

What? No, I don't think so. That bouncer was really serious, man.

Not a good idea.

What are you doing? Okay.

Systematic. Systematic.

So systematic.

Uh,

is this the champagne room?

No dingus. This is the dressing room, man.

Oh, sorry.

I don't think we should be in here.

Oh my god.

This is the P4-12-6-5-7.

This thing isn't even supposed to be on the market for another month.

What?

Yeah, and you didn't even want me to be, like, one of the free lockdowns.

Tell me about it.

I have a kid, but you know what? If he wants us to start doing tricks for cash,

I am so out of here.

I know. Oh, here.

I was done with this drink anyway.

Ah, thank you.

Oh, were you going to wear these green pasties tonight? Because I thought I

would, actually.

Oh, they're cute. No, you go ahead. I got this new thing. You want to see?

Yeah.

Check it out. So cute.

Yeah, I got it at the stripper store.

Yeah? I love it.

On Hollywood?

Yeah. Hey, guys.

You guys having trouble with the light again? Yeah, it's broken. I don't know

what's wrong with it.

Lights fixed.

Thank you, Tom.

Can you do me? Yeah.

Showtime at 5.

Get the girls out of here.

Yeah, I'll tell them.

Hey ladies, show's on. Let's make some money.

You just sit down. I'm able to sit, alright?

Lap dance?

Yes, absolutely. Um, you know, we just want to talk, actually.

Very funny. No talking without dancing, mister.

Okay.

So, the real reason we came here was to, uh, we were noticing you guys on the

pole, and, um, you're very, um, athletic.

Thank you.

Most people think it's just a lark, but it really takes a lot of talent to do

what we do.

Right.

Right, exactly. And, um, in that light, uh, we were wondering if, um, you two

would be interested in, um, being cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders? Hey, Bliss, this guy wants us to be cheerleaders.

Look, dude, we're not going into the back and fucking you with some stupid

comp- No, no, no, it's not like that. Real cheerleaders for a... It's a real

cheerleading competition, okay?

And there's gonna be college scholarships for the winners.

College? College.

Well, whoopity-doo.

A lot of good that's gonna do us here.

Shit.

Did you say something about a scholarship?

Yeah. Um, it's, uh, you know, partial scholarship.

That's... I

can't

believe she tore both bar underwear off in one stroke.

Yeah, for being named Tiny Tina, she was one tough son of a bitch.

Never want to see Coleslaw again.

You know...

I don't really want to go to the shower like this. It's kind of, you know,

embarrassing.

I'm going to jump in the pool, grab one of the towels, clean off like that.

All right, well, I'm going to head to the kitchen and get a watermelon.

Swim safe.

What are you doing here?

Right, that's why you're all naked walking down El Paso de Gabo.

Michael? What?

Michael?

Is that you?

Yeah. What are you doing here?

Uh, skinny dipping.

Here?

Now? Sure, it's the perfect time of night.

Join me?

Um, well... You're gay, so... Okay.

Stop it, stop it.

Are you okay? Fine.

Yeah.

It's good.

Stop.

Am I making you nervous?

No, no, not at all.

Okay.

Wow.

Stop, stop.

Michael!

What is wrong?

Listen, sister, he's with me.

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

It's not what it looks like. Does this look... I'm not with you. What are you

talking about?

Sorry, I'm leaving tomorrow and you two make a great couple. No, we don't make a

lovely couple. Not at... Wait, no, we don't make you and what the fuck is your

problem?

Fuck!

Miss Tilton?

Yeah? Nothing. It's great you're doing this. I'm thrilled.

What are you, 12?

You don't even know who I am.

You're wrong.

You're an inspiration to these girls.

Really?

Well, you've probably seen me on reruns of Happy Days, Married with Children, or

maybe even my starring role in Problem Child 2.

Classics. More importantly...

You were a varsity cheerleader that made something of herself.

Thanks.

I'm sorry about what happened to your team today.

That Brittany is a piece of work, isn't she?

Hey, but listen.

You're just going to have to toughen up there, kid.

That kind of thing is going to plague you your whole life.

So, are you going to quit?

Do I have a choice?

No.

You should quit.

Hey, Britney's ruled this world.

Thanks?

Sure.

I still got it.

Yeah, it's too bad we can't share.

It sucks.

Yeah, I know. What can you do about it?

Michael?

Aren't you going to say goodbye?

Uh, look.

About last night, it, uh... Oh, no, no.

It's not like that.

No, no, no, no, no. I, um, it's... I interrupted Sean while he was giving

Michael a head.

No, that's...

You know what? I give up.

Have a great summer, okay?

You're a really great girl.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry again about last night. I'm so embarrassed.

Have a good summer. Okay. Bye.

Bliss. Hey, uh, our welcoming committee.

You know them?

Who are you?

We're the beepers, tiny tits.

Okay, girls, hit it.

Rim. R-I-M.

They're not real cheerleaders yet, but they move really, really well. They want

to perform really well on TV, and you can train them to do that.

Are they even enrolled in school?

Actually, we thought of that.

They're going to enroll in the online Phoenician University, the same one that

Andy's in, and then they're just going to drop out when the competition's over.

Um, okay, that's...

Thank you so much.

But the competition's in six days, and I... I'm just a mascot.

Ooh, look at the new beavers.

I guess somebody should have told them it's a cheerleading competition, not a

freak show.

Oh, look how sad.

They think that they can do this with all these freaks and sluts.

Mascots joining the team.

I'm not a mascot.

I'm a cheerleader.

Oh, yeah?

We'll see. Yeah, we'll see you at the competition.

Did anyone hear what I just said? It was like I was in a trance and I was like...

You're a cheerleader!

We're all cheerleaders.

Go Beavers!

Hey, hey, it's time to fight.

Everybody yell, it's green and white. Hey, hey, it's time to fight.

Everybody yell, it's green and white. Hey, hey, it's time to fight. Cinnamon,

could you maybe take out your gum? You're not supposed to be... Oh, no, no,

no. I need it to keep count with the cheer.

See?

Hey, hey, it's time to fight.

Everybody yell, it's green and white.

You know, I really hope they can pull it off.

Looks like they're about to pull something off.

Much better. And could you maybe take off your heels this time?

And, oh, your shirt. Could you just close it up just a little bit?

Much better. And make sure you have some really tight knees and great facial.

Everybody yell, it's green and white. Hey, hey.

It's time to fight.

Everybody yell it, green and white. What are you doing?

That's my V.

Nice and tight.

That is a vagina, and I like it. Yeah.

And what are you doing with your face right now? You said facials, right?

I don't know.

It's just not working.

I mean, they have...

Some skills.

But I cannot bring us together.

We have no discipline.

I can't give it to him.

You used to be a gymnast.

Why don't you join the squad?

You could really use some muscle.

Uh, I can't. You know, I just... I'm sorry, you know.

What's he doing?

What, that? That's, uh...

That's just some Eastern meditation thing.

Did you see that?

I think that's the kind of discipline we need for this team.

That? No, no, no, no. That's kickboxing. That's totally different than

cheerleading.

I don't think so.

All sports have the same basic ideas in common.

I think I'm going to go talk to him. Okay. I'll talk to you later.

It's a good workout.

Must have burned 126 calories with that one.

Oh, hey.

You know, I think she's gonna ask Trey to join the team.

Oh, yikes.

Come on, man.

We gotta go clean up the kitchen anyway.

You know, maybe it won't lead to anything with them.

Maybe they really are just discussing cheerleader business, right?

Yeah, right.

I'm ready to put it in my chair.

Your chair?

My cap never lasts as easy as it's too fattening. Really? Well, anytime you

want, I got the keys to the kingdom.

I can get you anything you'd like.

Felice, come on, we gotta go.

We both have practice tonight. Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, we could hang out

later, maybe.

Oh, no, tonight I have plans with Rhonda.

Also, maybe we could both come.

If you give us the one thing that we really, really love.

What is the one thing that you really, really love?

Chocolates. With the peanuts.

No way.

Yes, the chocolate-covered peanuts.

Just so I'm getting this right, you want penis?

Chocolate-covered penis?

Yes, the warm chocolates covering all those big, big nuts.

Nuts too.

Okay, I can do that. What could be better?

I don't think anything could be better than that.

All right, well, I will see you tonight at nine then.

Oh, I like that.

Come on, man, you can come.

Gonna be a hot night.

No way.

Not interested.

What are you gonna do, sit around here and pine while I go and win the bet?

There is no bet.

Yes, there is, and I'm gonna win because you, son, are afraid to perform.

Don't worry, son. You'll do just fine.

Just remember, stay above the 9. Just make sure you stay above the 9.

Remember, I don't date anyone below the 9.

I don't date anyone below the 9. Remember, stay above the 9. I don't date

anyone below the 9. Remember, stay above the 9.

I don't date anyone below the 9.

Well,

never seen anything like this before. Remember, I don't date anyone below the

9.

Time for some chocolate-covered penis.

Oh, that

does feel good.

Let's see.

Shit.

Let's show this.

Oh yeah, this is it.

This is the moment.

Are you trying to make fun of her because she is black?

Yeah. No, no, no, no. She said that you said that you'd like this. Like what? To

see a fat white dude in black face?

Now why in the hell would I like that? Chocolate covered penis.

Oh,

I said chocolate covered penis.

Right, nuts, penis, chocolate.

No, I said penis, P-E-A-N-U-C-S, penis, nuts.

Peanuts. Wow.

This is funny, right?

I mean, so what? I guess a three-way would be out of the question?

Let's go.

No?

All right. Well, since I'm here.

He's taking over the whole team.

It's like they're all his groupies or something.

You know what you should do, man?

There's that party tonight.

You should meet up with her and you should explain yourself.

No, it's too late for that, man. It's not going to work. Too late? Is that

what Garfield did when he wanted the lasagna?

He just did it. He went after it and he got it.

And he didn't let that son of a bitch get in his way. He ate the lasagna to

the last drop. And then what did he do? He went and he got more lasagna because

he's a greedy motherfucker.

And that's what you need to be. You need to be a greedy son of a bitch.

Oh.

Well,

that sucked.

We're not strong enough.

You'll probably lose.

That's not a pep talk.

So sue me.

Damn it!

Those beavers are getting good again.

It's just Trey.

And that one stripper girl?

She's a natural.

How does she even have any time to practice during the day? Doesn't...

Does she have to be at work or something?

She doesn't actually work in the daytime, I mean.

Yes,

she does.

Definitely.

Excuse me.

Where is the entertainment?

Right there.

Or you can go in the back room. Yeah, no.

We need something a little more personal, but not that personal.

Oh, I'm sorry. You have to come back after five for that. We usually don't

get requests for lap dances this early.

I would like to speak to the owner of this establishment.

Just wait right here.

So what can I do for you?

Everything.

Yeah, hi. Look, we don't have any lap dancers right now, but you're welcome to

go in the back.

No, that's not what we want.

I happen to work for a very large entertainment conglomerate. We're going

to have a lot of executives here next week for the cheerleading competition.

You may have heard of it.

Yeah, I heard of it. Okay. Well, there's nothing these execs like more than a mid

-afternoon stress-reducing lap dance. But if you don't have early

entertainment, then I guess we'll just have to take our business. No, no. Wait,

wait, wait.

Wait a second. I got girls, okay?

I can reschedule them.

I can have them here earlier. Of course you can.

No, come on. Please.

They work for me, okay?

I'll have the girls here.

You bring all the execs you want.

Oh. I will.

Where the fuck's Felice?

Felice!

Oh, sorry!

Um... Just doing the research for, you know, us trying to stay in character.

Her name is Cathy Kane.

How erotic.

No. Come on, we have a party to attend.

Hey, you sure you don't want to come?

It's going to be an awesome party.

We'll give you a chance to explain yourself to her. Try and convince her

that you're not a gay.

Oh, what is this?

You want to warn me next time? Hey, you need to be careful with that.

These are brand new.

It's very expensive. It's part of the set. See, that was a mouth.

And then this is a vagina.

And then right here, this is a butthole.

You know what's cool about these? Is they actually talk.

Fuck me hard.

Fuck me hard in the ass, you big stud.

Fuck me hard.

And you can also program them to say things.

I want you to fuck me.

I want you to fuck me in my tight, round butthole. Oh, big

boy.

Michael, I want you to fuck me.

I want you to fuck me in my tight, round butthole. Oh, big

boy. Pretty great, right?

So, well, you're more than welcome to borrow any of these while I'm gone.

Gone at... The party where I'm going to find some strippers and win the bet.

There is no bet.

There most definitely is a bet.

You can deny it all you want, but just you remember, if you're too afraid to

compete, well, then you've already lost.

Too afraid to compete.

Just remember, stay above a nine. I don't date anyone below a nine. Nine.

take forensic science what's that it's like csi new york or miami vegas

nice original

according

to native american lore the beaver is actually a force to be reckoned with in

matters of business and combat and not a vagina

I'm going to go get another beer.

Oh, hey, Andy.

Did you enroll all the girls in classes?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, is Michael here?

Michael? No.

He is really upset about you two.

Me and Trey? Yeah, he's just sitting in our cabin just drinking beer. And you

know what?

He doesn't even drink beer.

Really? You know what you should do? You should go and talk to him.

Oh.

You should. You should go talk to him. All right. I'll go talk to him. Great.

Michael?

Hi.

Come in for a minute.

So, I was talking to Andy, and... He said...

What?

He said that you were jealous of me and Trey.

He said that?

It's not true?

No.

It is. I mean... Kind of.

Sort of.

Michael... The thing is...

The thing is... What? But what? I think there's a bug on that can.

So,

you were saying, um... You're a great guy.

But the thing is, Trey.

Yeah? He's not gay.

I know from experience.

Really?

Well, kinda.

Wait, wait, hold on. You think that I like Trey?

Well, yeah, that's why you're jealous.

Because you're in love with Trey.

No, no, not at all.

No, God.

Trey just wants to have a three-way. Not with me, with two women. I can't explain

all the things, the crazy things, the way that they've looked. They're all

misunderstandings. All of them.

Wait!

What? I think you've, you know, had enough tonight. But I haven't had any.

Wow.

I'm from the Midwest.

No, no, no, stop, stop. No, it's not what it looks like, okay? I'm sorry.

I'm from the Midwest. We don't... No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. Come back,

come back.

Hey. Hey.

Is everything all right?

Why don't we get out of here?

Okay.

You should go.

Or not.

Maybe we should have some real team bonding time.

Hey, uh, there's enough room in this dam for one more beaver.

Ew! Yuck! No!

Michael was right about you.

I totally would have done it.

Hey Britt. Trey, we need to talk.

How would you feel about going to the kickboxing competition in Las Vegas

tomorrow morning?

Good night, Andy.

So as you know, there are only two days left until the final competition.

Beavers, let's see what you got.

Where's Trey?

Aw, are you looking for your little maintenance boy?

I'm sorry to tell you, but he left you.

For good.

Trey flew home for a kickboxing competition.

It's just too bad you can't keep a squad together.

Okay, we're going to do this without Trey. What?

Why? How can we? We can do it. What I need, um, desire.

Don't, don't do that jump.

Cinnamon and Sweetie, you guys have to do the stop. You're the only two that

can do the lift. Shit, it's Mark.

Bliss, don't answer that.

Hello? Bliss, I knew you girls would come back to the club.

Right now, no excuses.

Uh-huh.

No way. No. We have rehearsal.

Yeah?

Get your skanky little asses back here now.

Sophie, we have to go. I'm sorry.

You guys, we're really sorry.

Please. We have jobs to do.

We have jobs to do. I'm sorry. Come on.

Sophie,

wait. Stop.

What? It's over. It should have been over a long time ago.

Don't say that.

You were great with the squad.

You can't quit now. You've got to make this happen. Isn't that your thing? Your

beaver thing? Take charge. Adapt.

Overcome. That would be a lot more believable coming from someone who

hadn't completely given up on themselves.

You wouldn't even join the squad because of some past flub.

You saw the video.

Yeah? You froze. Big deal. It happens. Okay, it was a little worse than that, I

think.

I didn't just freeze. I choked.

You know, I just saw all those judges with their little black numbers waiting

to judge me.

Waiting to determine my life, my scholarship, and

everything.

I just didn't... I didn't want to let everyone down.

Right.

So... you're going to use that as an excuse to keep hating yourself.

So, I guess all that talk was just that then, huh?

Talk.

It's too late anyway.

Bye, Michael.

Be part of all of this.

Every inch I lose.

The more I feel so lost.

And every tone in the sound.

Steams up in that cloud.

And spirals through your ears.

It's all I have.

Sorry it didn't work out, Sophie.

You really did try your best.

And you can be proud about that.

Bliss, Desire, Marco needs you in the back room. Right now.

Want a ride?

Want a cigarette?

Miss Tilton, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

Look, I hope you're not expecting a pep talk here or anything, because this is

just a ride.

Right.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Do you want me to pull over and you can get out and walk?

Honey, life is lemonade, and sometimes you just gotta count your chickens for a

rainy day. You really suck at pep talks.

Thank you.

Look, I've always been beautiful, so I can't really relate to what you're going

through.

Sorry. No, can't help.

Oh, my God.

I get it now.

What?

You're Miss Simmons Britt.

What? You got the boob job, the nose, the hair. You bested your best friends

to get ahead.

I did not get a boob job and have my nose done.

Look, we both tried out for varsity. She just wasn't good enough.

I am not her Britt.

Yes, you are. And you're back here because... Because I'm getting paid a

huge personal appearance fee.

Or because you felt bad all these years.

Okay, Dr.

Freud. You know, sometimes a penis is just a penis.

I don't know what that means.

Come on.

I'm going to get you back to camp.

Maybe you should slow down a little bit.

What the hell are they doing out there?

Not quitting.

Well, how gay.

Well, I gotta get over to Mrs.

Simmons' cabin and fix her faucet.

I'm going to go talk to him.

Good luck.

Michael.

Oh, no.

No. No, no, no, no. It's not what you think.

It's not what it looks like, I swear.

Look, I want to join the squad.

But what about your fear of freezing up, of choking?

Well, I can't promise anything, but I want to do it.

Thank you, Michael.

Okay, you guys, I'm gonna go get my college registration and Ms. Simmons.

Thanks.

Mrs. Simmons?

I'm here to fix the faucets.

Hmm, cheery.

Mrs. Simmons?

I have my registration.

She's not here.

Probably just leave it by the computer.

So you're back to doing the whole fake college thing?

Wait, wait, wait. You know what? I'm almost done here.

Maybe afterwards we could, I don't know, do something?

Something? Yeah, you know, like, I don't know, talk about college or have a three

-way, maybe some anal sex.

Wow. The fact that you would even say that is disgusting.

And you seem like a cool guy, like you're funny, you're smart.

Too bad you're a giant idiot. Just like a blowjob. I mean, that's nothing.

Wow, nothing?

Yeah, I mean, you're a stripper. That's gotta be like blowing your nose.

Okay.

What? Let's go.

Ugh,

I love strippers.

Alright, no funny stuff.

I'm not so sure I feel about all of this.

You're not going to use that on me, are you? I'm not going to.

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

Hang tight, big boy.

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

Hi, Bess, honey.

Sorry I'm late. Oh, no worries. I left my registration papers for you near your

computer. Oh, perfect. I've been waiting for those.

And Andy's waiting for you inside.

Good. He's supposed to come by and fix my broken sink.

Listen.

Oh,

Andy.

Mrs. Simmons, I can explain.

This is not what it looks like. Oh, I think it's exactly what it looks like.

You rooster tits.

Huh?

Gwen? Are you in there?

That wouldn't happen to be Bliss, would it?

No, Andy.

It wouldn't be.

It's my mother.

Your mother?

You're impossibly much... Much, much younger looking mother.

Hi, Mommy.

Good to see you.

Well, he's a little chubbier than I'm used to, but let's get it on.

Oh, God.

Don't know how we're going to do this

So

guys

looking good

Back to one, guys.

Come on. Okay, here we go.

Wait, I... I won the bet.

Bye, Andy.

You just gotta let it happen now, you know?

Oh, shit.

Ow, ow, ow.

Sorry about that.

Hi, Joshua.

Um, it's Michael.

I've been waiting for you.

Um, you know, I gotta get to sleep.

I gotta get up early.

Right, right. For the competition tomorrow?

I know.

And I also know that it can't really matter that much to you because you're

an athlete.

A real athlete.

Uh, good night.

I know that you screwed up your last gymnastics meet and you lost your

scholarship.

You disappointed your parents, everyone really.

But it seems like you've got some of your mental mojo back.

And now that you do, your coach is willing to take you back.

You can have your scholarship, the full ride.

What?

How could you know that?

These are tickets out tonight.

How did you do this?

Well, as you may know, my father's a bigwig in sports TV.

He has a lot of connections.

So that scholarship is yours... as long as you leave tonight.

In about... an hour.

and we're here for Sports Channel's 12th annual college cheer competition, where

regional college teams are competing for the honor of best in the state. And I

got my eye on those Beavers. They are one sexy group of girls.

Has anyone seen

Michael?

I checked backstage. He wasn't there.

I don't know where he is.

Next Step is Squirrel!

They're amazing.

They're good.

I like the girls.

He's gonna be here he's gonna make it guys Oh,

are you talking about Michael your little maintenance man?

No, he's not coming He's planning on going back to school to get his

gymnastics scholarship.

Well, at least that's what he told me when I was in his bed last night.

Please, do you really expect us to believe that?

Cheer trash?

Well, otherwise, how would I know he has this cute little mole right here?

Sorry, girls.

Cheetahs, we're up.

We're gonna have to forfeit.

I can't believe he would do this to me, to this guy.

That's just how men are, honey. Let's have the cheetahs on stage, please.

Here come the cheetahs.

That one judge looks kind of familiar.

Look,

they're amazing.

We probably wouldn't have made it anyway.

Tissue?

Listen, I wanted you to know you were right about what I did to Mrs. Simmons.

And I'm going to talk to her.

So thank you.

I am sorry you're going to lose.

You got a lot of heart there, kid.

Up next, the Beamer!

Let's just do this.

Sophie.

Britt turned off my power.

And I overslept, but I'm here.

I thought you were going back to school for your scholarship.

No, I could never do that to the squad.

It's all about trust.

Are you ready?

Oh, baby.

Now dance, shout and dance. Move, shout and move. Now shake, shout and shake.

Groove, shout and groove.

Now dance, shout and dance.

Move, shout and move.

Now shake, shout and shake.

Groove, shout and groove.

And the results are in third

place goes to

And second place goes to... The...

And to thank you, I'm going to give you one of those extra special lap dances

that you like so much with all the extras.

Daddy?

You mean you didn't vote for her squad?

But I'm your daughter.

Get over it, Britt.

It's time to grow up.

Stop being such a daddy's girl.

Besides, your daddy has another baby to worry about now.

Oh, my...

Oh, hi, honey.

Hey, we can't let the Britneys of the world win all the time, right? Thank you

for helping us win.

Miss Simmons, Gwen!

Gwen, I really need to talk to you.

Hey,

Mikey, look who won the bet.

Yep, this guy.

All right, shall we, ladies?

Please.

Wow. You are really hot.

Fuck me. Fuck me so hard.

Oh, you big boy.

Love, it knows no shame.

It comes and it goes to you every day.

You used to come and embrace me around.

Inside that sea of love is where you let me drown.

And you'll shine refined when your eyes

alight.

You, it's dimmer view.

And boy, you're taking me higher than I ever knew.

For it's you through I can see.

And it's you who extends my endless view.

When don't get so real.

When I breathe you in me.

Yeah.

I'm gonna tell the secrets.

I'm gonna tell the truth.

I'm gonna tell all the people.

Just what you do.

Yeah. You extend my view.

Boy, you're taking me higher than I ever knew.

Oh, it's you through I can see.

And it's you who extends my inner sphere.

Boy, you're taking me higher.

Boy, you're taking me higher than I ever knew.

And it's you who extends my endless view.

Why are you taking me high?

Why are you taking me high?

Why are you taking me high?

Why are you taking me high? Why are you taking me high?

Why are you taking me high? Why are you taking me high?

Let's get this party started.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, we got it.

Let's get this party started.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, we got it. We're mad, we're mean, we're nothing in between.

Let's get it started.

We're hot, we're tough, you know we got enough of it.