Original subtitles

Would you like a big, thick sausage?

I haven't had a big, thick sausage in my mouth in 20 years.

Not even Jimmy Dean?

Call him up.

Invite him over. I'll blow him. Ma, I used to date a boy named Jimmy Dean.

That's it. I quit. My life is over. I'm ready to die.

What are you talking about?

My last chance to have oral sex before I die and blanch.

is already sucked off Jimmy Dean.

What's all this talk about dying? What's gotten into you?

Apparently, nothing's gotten into her.

Therein lays the problem.

Let's face it. I'm 84 years old, my pussy's dry, and my life is

grinding to a halt.

Oh, the

poor thing.

We should go down to the community center and sign her up for a music

class. Maybe she'd like to try the flute.

Rose, darling, I really don't think Sophia's interested in playing the

flute. Skin flute, more likely.

Skin flute?

What is that?

It sounds lovely.

I am going to go ask Sophia if she wants to try the skin flute. Rose, darling, I

wouldn't...

Okay, Blanche, there you go.

This bed should be able to take some extreme pounding.

I tightened the nuts.

Well, let me tighten your nuts.

It's really nice seeing you again after all these years.

Hush, Jack.

I'm dying to see if I can shove your cock all the way down my throat like I

did in college.

Um, are your roommates going to hear us?

Oh, not if we do it right.

Plus, they left for church early and were headed to the farmer's market

after.

Oh, my.

Oh, Jack.

You don't need these. No, no. No, take them off.

Oh, my, Jack. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, Jack.

Remember little Jack? Oh, no, there's nothing little about you.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack. Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack.

I just look old.

Just pull me into your room. Pull. Pull.

Jack.

Yes, Jack.

Jack still have it.

Oh, he still have it?

Look at that dirty little face of yours.

Look at him.

30s were only

and Son, and Holy Spirit.

Father, as we prepare for the afterlife, we ask that you uplift Sophia into

heaven. What's going on out here?

Shut the hell up!

The Father's given me my last rites.

Ma's a good Catholic. She always calls a priest when she's about to die.

But Sophia, there's so much to live for.

Yeah? Like what?

I found a condom in my wallet. You want to ride me like a bull?

Ah, look at that. A bad Catholic using a condom.

Hello, Blanche.

We missed you at the service this morning.

Oh, sorry, Father. I was, um, busy.

Anal sex is no excuse to miss a good sermon.

I promise next Sunday I will be down on my...

church in the front pew father mccormick um you must be very hungry so come into

the kitchen i'll fix you a nice egg salad excellent i've seen this many

times with the elderly you know sophia she just needs a hobby and people share

her interests oh well i've been wanting her to try the skin flute you don't say

yes father it sounds so interesting

I'd like to put my lips on a skin flute.

Well, Rose, I had no idea you were so progressive.

And please, call me Thomas when we're not in church.

Is that legal, Father?

I don't think the Lord would mind.

And might I add, that's a very nice robe you're wearing.

Thank you.

It's a dress.

You're right. Yeah, it is.

I'm sorry. I'm actually a little out of practice with this sort of thing.

What sort of thing?

Dating members of the opposite sex. Dating?

That's why a lot of priests enjoy anal sex.

Oh, sorry, Father. I forgot you were here.

That's it. We're signing Mom up for a dating agency so she can meet men and

have a reason to live.

I know an introductory service that caters to the elderly.

It's called Heaven on Earth.

That's a terrific idea.

I'll call them up and arrange a date.

What's the phone number for 411?

Could I have the number for Heaven on Earth Dating Service?

And that is how they did it in St. Olaf.

I'm Gary. I'm here to see Sophia.

Send him in, goddammit! Down the hall.

Last door on the right.

All right. Thank you.

I thought this was an elderly dating service.

Maybe they sent the wrong guy.

I bet in two seconds that poor boy will come running out screaming.

There you go.

That's it.

Hello,

ladies.

What a beautiful day. I thought I might go up for a jog.

Ma, you mind telling us what the hell went on in there?

Well, Gary and I had a few laughs, but ultimately decided it wouldn't work out.

It sounded like... things worked out just fine.

Nice kid, but I'm looking for something else.

Okay, I'm ready.

Send him back.

Down the hall.

Heaven on earth.

I'm so glad you showed up.

I

know it's

been a long time, but you don't have to take it easy on me. I'm a good, tough

old brood.

Forgive me, Salvador.

It's been a long time.

Oh, that's good. That's very good.

It feels good.

It feels real good.

Salvador, forgive me. It's been 20 years.

Yes. Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Yeah, don't stop.

It's a beautiful cock, boy.

Yeah,

don't stop.

Don't stop.

Yeah, have it.

Have it.

Yeah.

Get up there.

It's about time.

There. Uh-huh.

I'll take that pussy.

20 years of wanting.

Take that pussy.

Dad, take the pussy.

I'm gonna bounce you up and down.

Been a long time, son.

Lean back here.

Give me your arms.

Oh, man.

You fuck.

I... I don't get too happy with this.

Not so bad.

I kind of like it.

I could do this.

Yeah.

you're not dead yet.

Okay.

That is my name.

Yeah, I know.

But you do taste good.

Give me a few seconds to finish douching.

Okay, send him in.

Hello? Heaven on Earth Dating Service?

I'd like to sign up for membership.

What age?

I prefer about 25 years old.

Oh. My age?

Old enough.

I'm thinking about getting my clit pierced.

What's the clit?

bedroom, last door on the right. Not this time. This one's for me.

I'll bet he's hungry.

You know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Not with my Salvador.

It was a surgeon's scalpel straight through the rib cage for open heart

surgery.

You are so sexy. I love it when you touch me.

That feels so good.

I don't need this fucking dress, do I?

Let me take it off.

So delicious.

something different.

Pull the chair out sweetheart.

All right, Blanche, what the hell's going on? This creamer smells like

sperm. Well, sweetie, Sophia was having such a wonderful time, I decided to get

a dating membership, too. And Bronco, he couldn't contain himself.

Bronco? You know, what I don't understand is how this dating service

keeps messing things up by sending over all these handsome young men.

You idiot, Rose. It's not a mistake.

The dating place has this entire list of young men who like to fuck all broads.

Like Dorothy.

Ma, I'm gonna kill you.

It's true. These young boys love to hug and kiss and suckle my

bosom with such passionate energy.

Blanche! Blanche!

Ma's gonna have another stroke.

It's true.

Who wants to fuck an old man when you can fuck a young one who can hump for

days? You know you shouldn't fuck that way. It's immoral.

Oh, Rose, there's nothing immoral about two adults making love.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been three days since my last confession.

Confess all your sins.

Well, they're not actually my sins.

They never are.

Well, it started when we signed Sophia up for a dating service, and instead of

sending over retired old men, they keep sending over handsome young studs, and

they would go to her bedroom with her, and they'd get naked, and, uh... Yeah,

yeah. And, uh... Yeah, yeah, don't stop now.

Well, in the words of Blanche, they fucked the living hell out of her after

she played the skin flute.

Skin flute?

Rose? Is that you?

Father McCormick?

Call me Tommy.

But you're on duty.

Let me ask you something.

When Sophia's getting fucked... I mean,

when Sophia's having sex, how does that make you feel?

Well, how am I supposed to feel?

Well, you should feel happy for her and want that same pleasure for yourself.

But I'm not dating anyone.

You don't need to date anyone to feel that God-given pleasure deep within your

loins.

You can have what they call, young people call a fuck buddy.

Fuck buddy?

Why don't you come with me to the garden sanctuary and I'll show you.

Is that legal?

I'm sure God would approve.

Now, let's give thanks to the Lord thy God, for he is good.

Say three Hail Marys, and we can go drink a bottle of Sacramento wine.

I... Wonder where Rose is.

She went down to the church to pray for our sins.

Well, at least she's safe at the church.

Goodness, Father, I didn't know priests had swimming pools.

Yeah, and we're actually building a casino, too.

Wow.

But let me get this straight, Father.

You're telling me that God wants me to put my mouth on your penis and

testicles?

Um... In so many words, oral sex is a God-given

pleasure, Rose.

You should enjoy what the Lord has giveth you.

Well, Father, anything to please the Lord?

My father, you're very good at that.

Play that skin flute, Rose.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

I'll spread that pussy for me.

Oh, my God.

Christ rose. You mean to tell me he had intercourse with you in the church

garden? He did.

And it was wonderful.

I feel much closer to God.

Closer to herpes is more like it.

It's probably the first time Father McCormick bypassed a young boy's asshole

for an old woman's cunt. Mom!

Well, I just don't know what to think.

I'll tell you what I think. I think I'm converting.

And then I'm going to call that agency to get a young dick over here to fuck

me. You might want to get the feather duster out to clear the cobwebs off your

pussy.

Oh, I'm so nervous.

Don't be nervous, Dorothy.

Use my bedroom. I have a black light.

I bet Blanche's cum-stained sheets look like Star Wars under the black light.

How do I look?

Like an elderly substitute teacher who hasn't been laid in 15 years.

Thanks, Ma. I can always count on you for support.

Come in.

Holy Christ, Dorothy.

Had I known he was going to be so good looking, I would have kept my dentures

in. Don't pay her any attention. You kids enjoy yourself here in the living

room. Come on, girls.

You look really familiar.

Yeah, I was with Sophia.

We had an appointment together.

So that's probably where you recognize me.

Of course.

But now I've got an appointment with you, so...

Yeah.

My turn.

My turn.

You want me to have my turn? Yeah.

I'm glad.

Cocking me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do it. Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

That tastes good.

Yeah?

That smells like cum on your dick. It smells like a fucking dick.

Why

don't

you get back on that dick?

You want me to get on that dick? Yeah, I'm too worried about that dick. You

want me to get on that dick? Yeah.

I'll get on that deck.

Fucking that pussy. Fucking that pussy.

Fuck.

Shit.

So fucking deep in that pussy.

So deep in that pussy.

Oh my

god.

Right down there.

Good. Good job, baby.

Good boy.

Pussy apart, baby.

Carry that pussy apart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come again, baby.

Come again.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah, oh bitch, oh fuck.

So good, so fucking good.

Yeah,

so fucking good.

So good.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, baby.

Fuck. Fuck my pussy with that beautiful cock. Yeah.

Fuck my pussy with that beautiful cock. Oh, God.

Fuck.

So good.

So good.

Fuck you.

Oh, you know a lady never tells.

You see? I raised her good.

All right, I'll tell.

He pulled out an eight-inch cock. He put it in my face. I went down on him. He

went down on me. He fucked me in four glorious positions. And then he finally

pulled out and came all over my face and my mouth.

I want to go jump in my bed.

Blanche, you may want to put your sheets in the washing machine. I think I saw

them walking down the hall a few minutes ago.

Well, ain't that the pot calling the kettle black?

You've had more semen than an aircraft carrier.

What matters is that we're all safe, we're all together, and we're all

sexually satisfied.

Satisfied?

Are you kidding me?

I just called another...

It's called The Big Black Connection.

My first date should be here any minute.

Ma, you didn't.

That must be Leroy.

I love black men.