Original subtitles

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One, two, one, two, one, two! Come on, Savino!

- I can't take it anymore! - (Celeste) Get rid of toxins.

But what tonsils! I free it the spleen, the liver!

One, two, faster!

Don't be a cleaner, you're losing the rhythm!

The rhythm? Do we have to go to the disco?!

Morbidone, three more laps, lengthen your pace!

Shoot all the dieticians in the world, all against the wall!

No, no. A volley of machine guns! And endocrinologists to life imprisonment!

- Yesterday you did a lot better. Now jump the hedge! - Yes!

- (Celeste) Come on, get up! - Why was I born fat?!

(Celeste) You always are at the same point!

Of course, you make me do it every day the same path!

Go.

Come on, you have two behind you, don't get caught up!

Run, keep your distance! One, two, one, two!

I need to lose weight, I don't have to win the Olympics!

(Celeste) The race for peace yes!

Peace on earth to you and to those who carry the torch!

They are about to take you back, go faster!

the Marseillais!

Bravo, you sowed them! If you keep it up, you roll them all out!

- (Celeste) They fell like pears! - '' Come pere '' ... Ah!

Mamma Mia ! Madonna dell'lncoronata, what a blow!

Damn you and the jogging! Ah!

And jogging, and training, and shopping!

- Seen ? Do not look ! - You lost yes and no 20 grams. - You have looked.

- Here we go ! - If range up to 1 20 years, will lose weight of 7 kg and 38 grams.

- On the hips. - Yes. - I'll get you a bath. - All right.

What good are you doing today?

Finnish duck oil and turtle egg balm.

- (Celeste) So the pores breathe. - A breath of air was needed.

But that sperm oil of yesterday's Thai gorilla ...

..honestly, it made some sense to me.

Hurry up, the bathroom is ready! Run, otherwise it gets cold!

Here I am. A big jump ...

How many stories, there will be yes and no 60 degrees. Dissolves fat better.

I'm going to make breakfast. (PAIN GEMlTl)

Eat, Bibo, that your mommy he made you good jelly.

- Hurry up, otherwise you'll be late. You are put the compress on your head? - Yes.

Sure that herbs do grow back hair ? I don't notice anything.

It takes patience, as in everything. (SAVlNO GEME)

- What trial do you have today? - Third degree, I believe. - What process is it ?!

I'm talking about the burns on the buttock that I took in the hot bath.

- It's not for you, 270 calories would be poison. It's for Bibo. - For Bibo ...

I don't make any effort: vitamins and herbs.

If at the table the eye wants the part of him, even the stomach ...

- Do you want to lose weight or not?! - No ! That is, yes!

But that's not fair let only Bibo eat!

When I met you you were beautiful, handsome, virile and full of hair.

Yes, and slender, 1 and 98 high. You saw me like that because you loved me.

- ln short, you mean that I am no longer in love with you. - I didn't say that.

- Let's make an exception to the rule. - No !

This stuff is for measuring your willpower!

- Drink the decoction. - Will you wet me a cookie? - No !

- Take vitamins, it's already 8:00! - All right.

Herbal infusion it burned my whole tongue!

Be more careful you would avoid these troubles.

- The fault is always mine. - Yes!

How do I make the harangue to the trial?

'' Seven have raped this poor wretch ... ''

That is a whore by profession.

I have to convince them it wasn't a solicitation of her, ...

..but it was them to make a male abuse.

As a good Latin and southern male, you too would condemn it.

Absolutely. I've always had it breadth of views on the matter.

At the University of Bari they called me 'The Swede'.

- What if they told you your wife do you have a lover? - I didn't get it.

- l mean, what if I had a lover? - Patience. What do I do ? Will I kill myself?

I would be sorry, because I love you.

But I don't take the brace to shoot me.

What if I told you I'm not going from the hairdresser, but from the lover?

- (laughing) At 8:00 in the morning! - 8:35! - Is it already 8:35?!

You have the power to make me late, for one reason or another!

- Your tongue doesn't hurt anymore, huh? - No, I'm fine! I feel good !

- The day starts wrong! - I was joking. - Yes, you were joking ...

Here is my lover. I have a cause with Judge Demma, who is here for me.

- Go to your friend. - He is patient and tireless, the opposite of you.

Truffle dog, this.

- What are you doing ? - I'm okay cleaning. - And use my car?!

I thought it was mud.

Don't be smart. Rude, peasant, face from '' ter�n ''.

- Go away, face like a `` rich ''. - You are welcome ?

- Nothing, sorry. - I thought well!

One moment ! Lift !

It's 8:42 am! Today is one bad day, I can't do it!

- (with the '' r '' fly) Dear ... - Sorry the delay, but my husband, you know ...

There ... was a loss. I'm the gas worker.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Hi sorry... - How come so late ?!

- You know, my wife ... - Really ! Come in, they can see you!

There is not a minute to lose.

It's 8:45, we have 7 minutes in less and 1 6 minutes in total.

20 seconds to unbutton, 3 minutes to undress ...

Don't always eat apples.

I know you do it out of excitement, but that's 38 seconds ... 38 calories.

4 minutes to go to court, 3 to reach the classroom ...

- We have 5 or 6 minutes left ... - Yes! - 5 or 6 minutes ... - Yes!

- Forget it. 5 or 6 minutes to make love ! - Yes!

God, how I feel you! (TELEPHONE SQUlLLl)

- The phone! - I feel ! - Reply !

Your husband will be making the call control. It's early.

- You're late! - Hurry up !

- Yes? - (Demma) Hello, love!

- Basins, basins ... - Meow, cat-one-one!

Meow ! What my kitten does at this time of the morning?

Meow ... meow ... meow ...

- (Demma) Are you purring? - Sure, my love !

But you do it to me to your cat?

In our beautiful Latvian, all alone? Won't you be waiting for someone?

But no, I'm not expecting anyone!

My lover has already arrived, he is here close to me, kisses me, touches me!

- (Demma) Really ?! - Yes!

Sorry, you don't want me to go out, you check me every minute!

Lovers are forced to make them come home!

- (Demma) I don't believe it. - Check for yourself!

From the court to here it takes 6 minutes?

- Look I'm coming! - In fact, 4 minutes!

If you come quickly, surprise us in bed!

You don't have to tell me these things not even for a joke!

- You know they make me sorry. - (Gelmira) But please ...

If you insist, enjoy yourself, I give you permission. Can you hear me ?

I feel ! Thanks, honey ! Hello ! Kiss Kiss !

- Come on, he gave us permission! - Sometimes you seem stupid!

'' It is here, I can feel it '' ... That mica is an asshole, he realizes it.

To a jealous husband it is better to say the truth. He will never believe it.

What if you believe it?!

You put the palpitations on me. I'm already low on calories!

What are you doing ? There is not to worry, I assure you!

If I said I was alone, maybe he would have run to check.

Do you know the laughter?

Your husband is the judge in the case that I have to discuss ... in 8 minutes!

- Hello ! - Are you leaving?! - Also today we have not done anything!

- It seems obvious to me ... - It ends up always like this! - You were late!

- Today she got in the way my wife too ... - Let alone!

- I had to accompany her from the lover. - She's got it too!

- He told me as a joke! - Like I do with my husband!

- Are you convinced that you are faithful to him? - Without a doubt.

Without a doubt he is horned!

Between me and my wife it's different, between us there is absolute sincerity!

If there was something, he would tell me.

- Without a doubt ? - Yes. - How can you be sure?

- Well ... - Yes? - My wife is always my wife. - Ah, yes? - Hello.

Hello. His wife is always his wife!

Take the two Tunisians killed for vile reasons.

I was the first to report. As I turn around, I find a corpse.

It was just written that in life I had to take care of the '' black ''.

The other day I went to the theater, escape show.

And one, zac, broke a bottle at the head of the neighbor.

Hey! Do you want to restrain me on the teeth?!

- Hello, Cesarino. - Hi, listen ... - I have to go, I have a cause.

The cell phone with the defendants it hasn't arrived yet.

Have you read my article?

Violence on the right, on the left, dead above, dead below!

And this while millions of people are starving! What do you think ?

- Is it sopressata from Puglia? - No, it's salami from here.

To physical hunger I hook for accuse those hungry for vanity, ...

..of money, power and violence, the symbol of our time.

Everyone eats and doesn't care of world hunger. What do you say ?

- Are they broccoli from here? - No, from Barletta.

This stuff hurts. Cholesterol goes to 2002, the heart attack is insured.

I ate myself last night: polenta, fondue, pheasant!

All seasoned with truffles! Still, look at that line!

- How can you not get fat?! - (Man) Lawyer! - I come !

(Savino) Did you see that you make me late?!

- You see that cell phone He had arrived ! - All right !

- This is the lawyers' entrance. - Sorry.

- The judge is about to enter. - Mi bring the papers. - Immediately.

- Good morning. - What will happen?

- Don't worry, it's in good hands. - Here's the toga.

- Be careful! - Sorry, in '' toga of foga '' ... - Permission!

- This is the practice. - I'm doing a front page story.

'' The lawyer Savino Lagrasta ... ''

With cholesterol at 780! Move this thing!

The case is already won, with yours orator skills will be a joke.

But then he does it on purpose! Those rape her again!

Enter the court!

Oh, the purse! I got dirty as well or boot!

- The '' cage ''! - Which '' cage ''?! Oh, the '' fracchetta ''!

(APPLAUSE AND GRID OF DERlSlONE) Excuse me...

(BELL, GRlDA AND APPLAUSl) Silence ! Silence !

(GRID OF DERlSlONE) Get back together, please!

(GRlDA AND BELL OF GLUDlCE) Then let's do the math!

(with the '' r '' moscia) It rains. The rain it inspires me in a particular way.

- Then it will be great! - I'll do my best.

Who knows if my husband will notice.

- Don't tell me it's so trivial to be jealous! - No !

But we must hurry, my husband might look for me.

It will be the immortal imprint of our meeting!

- Oh! - Naughty!

I lose a won cause and I lose the fee as well!

Oh! Damn puddle! I catch them all!

Hey, do you want to finish it ?!

Fortunately, he did not notice the shoe, otherwise he gave me a life sentence!

- I lost 4 million! - I didn't find them.

Yes, love, I'll be right there! Here I am !

- Permission! - Are you crazy ? My husband is about to return!

- I put on your husband's shoe, my pants fell off! - Thing ?

(SAVlNO ANNUSA) - What is it? - Risotto with truffles.

- And rabbit with olives. - 4000 calories, minimum, a thrombosis.

You put the palpitations on me! '' My lover is here, I feel it! ''

- If Ulderico comes ... - Me slam on the navel. Help me. - Yes!

- Where's this cursed shoe? - I look below. - Is there? - Yes!

- I'll take it, wait. - Yes. - It's right at the bottom!

(BELL) Oh my God, it's the Ulderico! What are we doing ?

- Pull ... - Come out! - I got stuck!

(SAVlNO GEME) Come outside !

(BELL) Oh, Lord! Savino, come on, get out!

(SAVlNO GEME) the `` mortacci '' of the Ulderico!

(BELL) - The fifth vertebra ... - Mamma mia.

- What do I do now? - Go over there! - '' Beyond '' where? - Over there!

- But we're on the fourth floor! - What do you want it to be ?!

(BELL) They will be yes and no 10, 1 2 meters!

- Madonna! - Courage ! - Oh my God, the void!

- I'm on an empty stomach, I'm dying before falling! - Quick, Savino!

(BELL PLAYED WITH INSURANCE)

San Giuditto di Pordenone, attach me to the ledge! Ah!

(BELL) Savino, take the shoe!

- Give me the other! - Which ? - That! - One moment !

- As soon as he goes to pee, I'll give you green light! - What if he doesn't go?

There he goes, there he goes!

- Gelmira! - Ulderico! - What about the bed?!

It was my lover, honey. I told you it was overwhelming.

(GELMlRA RlDE NERVOUSLY) Find a less overwhelming one, dear.

Otherwise you'll have to send him the bill at home. It would be embarrassing.

(VERSION OF LEARNING) It's new, I only wore it once!

(Ulderico) Then you don't take me in ride, you have a lover. But how good!

For me, however, that horned carpenter could not fix the bed, ...

..dear my kitten!

- What was that? - Nothing, the wind ... a flapping tax. - Ah!

Honey, let's go the risotto is already overcooked.

You haven't put them away yet my shoes ?

- But ... - Here ... - A wet one and the other does not. Why ?

(Gelmira) A little rain, a little bit no ... Maybe one feels a little damp.

- (Ulderico) Do you want to make fun of me? - (Gelmira) What can I know?

(Gelmira) Let's eat, otherwise you will pain in the pylorus and do not digest.

Ah!

- What happens ?! - Nothing...

He's my lover, I hid him out there, it was very embarrassing.

- If that's true, I'll slam it downstairs! - But no !

I'll throw you downstairs, cuckold. Much you don't have time, I helmet by myself.

If there really is your lover, must end up as it deserves!

- Do you see that there is nobody there?! - There is no one ...

- But there is something! - What ? - What is this ?! - A shoe.

Men's shoe, number 42, in leather suede, French model!

- I HOPE YOU WANT TO SPLEGARMl! - I don't understand you, honey!

I look out the other window to see if he hid on the roof!

I have not even been a soldier, for the verti ... gini!

If I change a light bulb, the ... Ah!

(GRADE OF PAIN) (Ulderico) If I find him, I'll kill him!

- There is no one! - I had you said! Come on, let's go eat!

The cactus!

- Make sure your husband doesn't suspect nothing ? - No do not worry !

Well then we better go!

(Savino) Celeste getting dressed? And who is this?

Do you want to see that the hairdresser ... Then they are real horns!

(turntable in English, then in Italian) What a beautiful day today.

(in English, then in Italian) It was a shit day!

Simultaneous translation...

They are moving out. They must be "squinzia" people!

- (Andrea) Let's go! - Wait a minute, I can't ...

(ANDREA RlDE) Take a seat as well!

- I suffered a loss too! - I'm sorry, my condolences!

- Follow them! - Hey, the ball! - The ball !

- You open, dear? - Gladly.

Wait, stop! I'm not doing anything to you, but stop!

Hey, wait ...

(PAIN GEMlTl) They all happen to me!

(laughing) I'm very excited, insanely excited!

(with the `` r '' fly) I'm coming darling !

Now I catch them red-handed! Article 22 is clear!

You are cuckold, Savino, clearer than that!

- Voil�! - Hey, how wonderful!

(CELESTE AND ANDREA RlDONO) There is also a swimming pool!

I wanted to fill it with milk, but ...

- Was it too expensive? - No, it turned into yogurt. Voil�!

(CELESTE RlDE) You are an erotic fantasy monster!

- Show me everything ! - I'll show you every corner!

It's fabulous ! Let's go upstairs!

Alt! Save your strength, there's the elevator.

In a two-story villa? This is madness!

Double-sided opening! Single ... double!

From the cellar, where the champagne is at the right temperature, up to the room.

But even here you can make love! (in French) To the last cry!

He took her to his room! Die Samson with all the Philistines!

It won't open ... wait ...

What a fresh air you breathe in this garconni�re to the last cry!

Even with the '' r '' fly if chosen, the faithless!

He must be a moron. Unfortunate of the Langhe, did you want to cheat me?

A country nest! It will cost 200 million and broken!

'' So I raise chickens, rabbits and the deer! '' Because I am horned!

(in French) La garconni�re to the last cry!

Voil�! (VERSAL OF AMAZING)

Wonderful !

Oh ... black silk sheets!

(with the '' r '' fly) A pinch of morbidity can stimulate intercourse.

What can I do to thank you? For this happiness you promise me?

(SAVlNO GRlDA) Everything breaks here!

Even the tennis court, you have prepared!

So I with the racket, tuc tuc, and you with him, zic zic!

I'll kill you both!

You can do it later, now don Vito is waiting for you!

But I'm hurrying ... (SAVlNO GEME FROM PAIN)

You don't find it the best of sensuality?

Who knows if he will recognize himself that is mine.

The line of your little ass � unmistakable!

- Forward ! - Take it easy, I'm barefoot and I have a calf under my foot!

- Good morning. - Good morning, Don Vito, I wanted ... when ...

Turiddu Rapesanta, Giovanni Cimino, Giacinto Cimarosa, Salvatore Malag�.

- Rest in peace. - And so on.

Men of noble sentiments, exemplary fathers, ...

.. suddenly torn to the affection of friends.

'' Suddenly '' ...

With those from the park this morning we ran out of the driveway.

These are the last `` picciotti '' that remained to me.

- You have forgotten Saruzzo. - Yeah, Saruzzo, who gets out of jail tomorrow.

- Saruzzo, however, is great, big and foolish. - Ah ...

You are dead, first-rate people. They were like children to me.

But for now I'm not going to follow them to the other world, do you understand?

- I see ! - Good boy.

As the Marseillais do not give up, ...

..the only solution I have left � the grave or the jail.

I don't understand the logical link between the grave and jail. How can i help you ?

(Don Vito) I don't like the tomb, ...

..with 2 years in prison in a prison sure I can reorganize ...

..and pay back with the same currency the Marseillais!

- Nino! Rocco! - Where are you going ?!

- I was confused at the detour ... - Lawyer!

I thought I was talking to you instead I was speaking to an extinct. What do I have to do ?

Just defend myself in a causetta which is being discussed on Friday here in Asti.

With all due respect, there won't be difficult to miss the cause.

- You're the most foolish lawyer that I know. - How do you mean ?

- Okay, without "almost". - Ah here. - You will be well repaid.

It may, if necessary, take care of your horns!

- Do you already know everything? - If you didn't know all in time, I would have died years ago.

I always know what I need to know.

Since you know everything, I show you that I am a real man!

- I'll go home and kill them both! - No ! - What do I care?!

You must attend to my cause. Leave the shotgun to me.

- Did I get the idea? - Yes. - Believe yourself already satisfied, word of Don Vito.

However, please, do not speak of my horns.

the Marseillais!

Killing them seems a bit much to me.

Breaking the spine, those get scared. Don Vito ?

I'll handle that ! See you Friday at the trial, word of Don Vito!

She always says 'my word', but he never lets me speak.

Let's finish the speech! Guys, at least you two wait, right?

Soon !

I have the calletto, I told you! Will you make me do the giant slalom?

Don Vito, don't leave me alone!

Don Vito ! Don Vi ...

He made me horns! Do you think I deserve her ?!

She always does with her head!

He'll be a little overweight, I don't deny it, but the desire to lose weight is there!

In the morning he makes me jog,

... one day yes and one no makes me fast!

In the evening it gives me a '' ciofeca '' ... I vomit just thinking about it!

My profession is dead! The criminal lawyer becomes a '' cuckolder ''!

I can already hear them: '' Avvocato Lagrasta, cornutaccio of Asti! ''.

We have arrived. Thank you, you are very kind.

This is Lagrasta's house, a horn hangs over it!

- See you soon. - '' See you never ''! Ti�!

Maybe see you soon, me too I'll kill myself with the shotgun!

Then I shoot them!

- But what happened to her? - He's the one who gave me a lift.

I was in the cemetery, and I wanted to say to Don Vito ...

- What the fuck does he care ?! - What ways!

I want to see her the distraught widow at the funeral. I shoot myself in the mouth!

(BlBO ABBAlA) Go away, you damned dog!

Eat breakfast to betrayal! Tl must burst the liver!

You must come to my funeral! All they have to come! It must rain too!

I want to see Celeste who will make diets!

The American diet, that of the points, the associate, the disfellowshipped ...

I'll kill him! 80 shots in the mouth!

(Celeste) Who is there? Is it you, dear?

Savino, what have you got?! (SAVlNO SINGS ENGLISH)

- I sing ! - How are you reduced?!

- That's my business! You, rather, where have you been ? - I'll tell you everything.

I looked for you at home, in the studio, I was beginning to worry.

- I want to introduce you to someone. Andrew ! - Good evening.

- But, lawyer ... - Get up!

She stays in my house, she smokes mine cigar and fuck my whiskey!

- Savino, what are these ways? Here. - No thanks. - Sit down.

- Will you tell me what your name is?! - (together) Andrea Soldani.

Do not suggest! You'll know what it's called, won't you?!

Love, we have to tell you something. You would never guess.

- I have already guessed, I know everything! - Then the thing is easier!

Don't go around talking as you usually do, it gets on my nerves!

Since you already know everything, you should pay Mr. Soldani.

I pay for it?! Why, do you pay it as well?

Andrea is a professional first-rate, you know?

I tried to lower the price, but this last hit of 20 million ...

- 20 million? - Unless I was able to work.

Do you think you are the last male left?!

- Go and sneak up on women, and it's done give 20 million a shot?! - Savino!

How dare you turn like this to the disciple of Le Corbusier?!

With Mclntosh I studied the most sophisticated techniques!

What system is it?! Don't raise your voice with me ! And shut up! Thanks !

- And shut up! - But who is this? I don't understand it!

It is the architect who furnished it our new villa in the countryside.

I wanted to surprise you for your birthday.

Oh, Lord, are you the architect?

Yes! Graduated with full marks at Central New York University!

Excuse me, I don't know what to tell you. Please sit down.

Even disciple by '' Maclnbrosh '' ...

Poor little star, you're exhausted, you work too much, you're tired!

I thought if I prepared you a quiet place in the countryside ...

Sorry, I thought he was the your lover. I made a mess.

Thanks in this way to an artist who did completely dedicated to his wife!

The pop chair made with cast of her bare ass, it will be worth millions!

It will be published in magazines most important in the world!

- Go get changed, so mine hits esthetic sense ! - You're right, dear.

- Sorry. I do in a moment, architect. - Oh!

Andrea went wild, in the renovation.

It is a mixture of ancient and modern.

- I like it, I hope you like it too you. - If you like it, I like it too.

I'm just a little confusing with electronic controls.

- we'll learn. - Sure. - How much do you have spent on works? - 1 50 million.

- Wow. - We're not done yet.

- The garden needs to be arranged and the facade. - Ah here. Mah.

- I guessed it! - It worked ! - Come !

Voil�! Then ?

- Honestly, it's very beautiful. - Andrea is very whimsical.

- I understood that, but it is also very expensive. - Very expensive!

- Each hit is 1 5, 20 million! - He's a great architect!

(with the `` r '' fly) I shout it, if you bring me more bills to pay!

It has a fluffy `` r '', but it's tough if you try to take away a lira!

- It's 1:00, I'm going to get you ready to eat ! - What's on menu?

Special lunch today: ...

.. cucumber puree, half an egg firm with a lettuce leaf, ...

..and then a nice infusion of Japanese seaweed!

- They drive me crazy, they remind me of cuttlefish with peas! - You are right.

- In the meantime, get comfortable with the house. Hi, honey. - Hello.

(TV) Palermo, minimum 6, maximum 1 4. Rome, minimum 2, maximum 1 2.

(TV) Turin, minimum 3, maximum 5. Venice, minimum 0, maximum 8.

(TV) It was the temperatures register today.

- What is this thing ?! - (TV) Now the local news.

(TV) A well-known Mafia boss in Asti Was the victim of an accident ...

..together with his two bodyguards.

(TV) I'm Franco Mauri and I speak to you from the city of Asti.

(TV) The well-known boss Vito Malisperi � was the victim of a serious accident.

(TV) He was run over, it seems accidentally, from a car.

- A colleague was a witness ... - I saw it all, it was terrible.

- I imagine. - There were two men with Don Vito.

Don Vito looked over his shoulder, ...

..a guard looked to the right, the other on the left.

Then a car took them in front. It was a terrible scene!

We understood. At this point our transmission ends here.

(TV) From Franco Mauri ... (SHOOT)

Don Vito's killer! This must be Saruzzo!

Then Don Vito was talking seriously.

How do I explain to him ... Now he's in the hospital!

'' Safety hermetic closure. ''

(SAVlNO GRlDA AND GEMS FROM PAIN)

Savino, what are you doing?

Don't lean out, it happened one thing ... Then I'll explain!

- What are you up to?! - My groin hurts!

At moments I was dying quartered, like San Sebastian!

- Don't lean out! Don Vito hasn't got nothing! - You're always upset.

- He didn't understand! - You said that you wouldn't have done work!

Don Vito has been run over! the phone to the hospital, to the police!

Yes, to the police! I have to call someone!

(LIGHT BLUE) No, don't push that button!

30 seconds of high voltage!

(Savino) Who is it?

Look, let's face it: Don Vito at the cemetery did not understand.

I am not the person you are looking for, I'm the lawyer, not the lover.

Why doesn't he speak? It always stays '' in silencer ''! ln silence!

This thing hurts ... Yes! (THE MAN GEMS OF PAIN)

God, what is this? (SHOOT)

Mr. killer, excuse me! I didn't want to shoot!

I got my finger on the trigger and I shot! I'm a good person !

Look, I suffer from heart, I have tachycardia!

I killed him with one shot and not me I have noticed! Now how do I do it?!

This damn zigzag staircase!

(together) happy Birthday to You,...

happy Birthday to You !

- Greetings, Savino! - A round of applause to the lawyer!

(APPLAUSl) Didn't expect that, huh?

You could also have warned me. Dear, thank you.

- Are you here too? - Happy birthday !

I invited Judge Demma, ...

..may be useful for the appointment as president of the order.

Best wishes ! Honey, I wish introduce you to the lawyer Lagrasta.

- Good evening. - Sorry, I do in a moment, I'm going to change!

Savino! Savino, but ... What shoes are you wearing, honey?

- I didn't know ... - If you take your foot off the lift starts, it's not complicated.

It seems easy, but it's not ...

- Wait a minute, I want to do something! - Mr. Judge, but ...

I want to check his shoe size!

- What does he do ? - It's a board game.

- It's a game, a joke! - Yes! - Ulderico, are you done?

It is truly extraordinary! Funny !

Sorry, it wasn't expected! But this is a surprise party!

- I'm going to change clothes! - l Messrs. Ferrigoni.

Good evening. Sorry about the dress.

But where has he ever been seen? I'm sure he did it on purpose!

Have you found your beautiful '' Cinderella ''?

No, but something tells me who is among the guests.

- (Andrea) What divine d�shabill�! - What are you saying ?

- (Andrea) We are waiting for you! - I'm changing and I'm with you right away!

What big feet he has! It fits me smashing the nail of the thumb!

We both fall!

No ! Oh God ! My Madonna!

This wretched architect! I don't understand anything in here!

Where the fuck do I put this?

-But what a beautiful dress he has! - Thanks, nice.

Was I wrong or was part of it from last year's collection?

I saw someone like his at the circus on an elephant tamer.

- What's the atmosphere like? - It's going down. - invent something to revive it.

The corpse had long since been strangled of wire passing through the nose.

- Oh my God ... - Cesarino, don't scare me the countess.

- It was in my article. - Stop it with these horrid details!

- Nice party, huh? You are welcome ! - Have a drink? - I already have it.

- You read my article ... - What number fits? - As ?

- What number fits? - 39, the number of crime journalists.

- Here we go ! - Don't throw me like that!

- Is the lawyer still up? - I didn't see him get off.

Here.

Where is it? The tub... There is not.

'' Spread talc. ''

'' Bidet, toilet, press here. ''

Oh! Technological marvel!

I also press the bidet.

(Cesarino) Help, I saw a corpse! Cold!

- Help ! - Oh, the fur!

A cold corpse, dead, perched on the bidet!

- But what he says ? - I saw it ! I am one who understands!

- Let's check ! - Calm down, it is certainly a joke!

He's lying on the bidet, come on!

- See if it's not a corpse! - But it's Savino!

But how ? I was telling them about the corpse that was next to the bidet.

- It was there until recently! - What did you see? - The dead!

- He thinks he saw a body in this bathroom. - I'm sure !

I am shocked with laughter! A corpse here!

- He must have given himself a rinse and is gone. - I saw it, it was there!

Typical professional deformation. He sees corpses everywhere.

- As a joke it's a bit heavy. - Maybe...

- He was ruining a party at his cheerful and festive atmosphere. - It's true.

- I was wrong. - Love, hurry up, we are waiting for you.

- All right. - Hello. - I apologize. - To soon.

- Let's go back down. - Shame. Crazy visionary, and a bit of an asshole too.

- Did you hear what he said? -He is right! -How, is he right?

I was going in there, then, as I pulled up ... down ... the zip ...

- Then ? - I entered sprint to make a ...

- Do what? - A small act.

- At some point, I think I have saw ... - Saw something ...

I always wear tennis shoes to swim, otherwise I slide.

I think I'm not feeling very well. I go.

- Does it itch? - I've got foam in the ear, in the eardrum.

I'm not really well. I'd go for a strong drink.

- It's better. - Do you have a drink too? - Yes.

Bravo, it tones you up. I go to tone up too. You drink already.

- Go Go. - He was right the architect. I'm going to have a drink.

When the fuck are you going? I have to get dressed, sorry!

I'm going, huh? I'm going to drink.

Madonna, I was dying. This where I leave it ? ln soaking in a water bath?

Was it supposed to happen to me? And how do I do it now?

How hot it is. This is the only thing which has impressed the architect.

- Lawyer, finally. - Sorry, I wasted time for buttons ...

How you got fat, the tuxedo not fits you more. From tomorrow forced diet.

But if you just make me graze grass!

- What number are you wearing? - Porto English size shoes, 10 and a half.

- Looks like you're watching over a dead man. - I feel bad, that's why ...

- What dead ?! - Try to be kind. You've been rude so far.

- It's not that I don't want to be ... - I invited the people who matter!

- I don't want people to turn around for the House ! - Are you hiding something?

I'm not hiding anything.

I have to talk to Andrea, you entertain the judge's wife.

We live in the same house!

I'm leaving my husband with you in exchange I'll take Andrea away for a moment.

In the guest bathroom there is something wrong.

(Andrea) Strange. However you can use the bathroom upstairs.

(softly) No, my husband controls us.

- Lawyer, can you offer me a drink? - Yes, let's go.

The soaking corpse! The countess is also weak of heart!

Lawyer! Savi ... Lawyer, where have you gone?!

Yet I saw it, it was there!

My Don Vito, you couldn't send me a lighter one?

Savino, where are you? Savi ... What is happening?!

- You're acting weird. - it? - Yes.

You ignored me the whole time. Do you think the way to do it?

- I do it out of prudence. - My husband already suspects!

- What do you suspect? - Our thing! Yesterday you planted clues everywhere!

- He's checking everyone's shoes. - I know. - (Ulderico) Gelmira!

- The crook is coming. Hide here! - Where are you ?

- Excuse me, lawyer. - I'm really happy! - Kiss me?

- Did me the honor of coming in this house ! - Have you seen my wife?

-Why should she be here? - I thought I saw her go up.

-Why are you looking in the closet? There is none! - Sorry.

- The wardrobe is mine! - Be patient !

- Here there is neither his wife nor the shoes ! - Get out of the way!

- Lawyer ... - Please don't ruin me.

- I didn't mean to, he got me forced. - Don't do that.

I traveled it, I am one who is not scandalized.

It will be silent as a grave. He too was frozen!

- Of course ... - (laughing) Good this one!

Come on, which one of us does not have its own vices?

There are those who drink, those who play, those who go to women, and those who like her ...

It is a matter of taste.

(SAVlNO RlDE) Now ... How nice!

And then, let's face it: which of us doesn't have a corpse hidden in the closet?

- What corpse, sorry? - Metaphorically speaking!

Where did it go his '' sense of humor ''?

- Do you want to know something? - Yes. - The truth? - Eh!

- To see it like that, you wouldn't think so. - Well, well ...

- And then, with that nice touch of a wife who finds himself ... - Yes, but ... nothing.

- Anyway from me ... - Moscow! - Moscow! - Thanks.

- Absolute silence. - Thanks. - Imagine.

- Mr. Judge, see you later. - (in Piedmontese) Frocio.

- Is he gone? - Yes. - He took a hit!

- He took me for a ricchione. - Come on, we're alone. - I would not say.

It's not exciting that your wife can come at any moment ...

..and catch us in the act?

- It's not that it's not exciting ... - What are you doing ? Do not go !

- Come on, come here! - I can not come ! - Why?

Because ... I don't want to no more cheating on my wife!

Ever since you discovered this vocation? For two hours? Two minutes ?

You want to explain to me when you made this decision, ...

.. since yesterday at my house did you walk on the ledges?!

- So many things have happened! - What happened ?!

- Now I'm going over there and making a mess that never ends! - Gelmira ...

Go inside! You are such a restless dead!

Gelmira! Please do it for me!

Do not get angry, do it for our love!

But what love? Who ever has you beloved ?! One is as good as the other!

Of the 32 lovers that I had before you, ...

..you are the most inefficient, the most banal ...

The most bald and fattest asshole! And the 33rd!

Dear judge, I hope the party is to your liking.

It could not be otherwise, with such a lovely and delightful host.

- And also very lonely. - My husband tonight really ...

- For heaven's sake, I know everything. - All what?

It is right and fair that you defend him.

But, in some cases, support of an influential, discreet friend ...

Above all, of a real man ... You understand what I mean, right?

- Ulderico! Dear ! Ulderico! - Excuse me a moment !

Meet my lover! Were you looking for him? There he is !

The lawyer Lagrasta, a well-known seducer, everyone knows.

- But you know who was upstairs in the closet ? - (Celeste) Savino!

- Sorry. - You're welcome dear.

Augusta and Lucretius they have finally arrived!

- How are you ? - Take a seat and take something. - Lucretius dear.

What do you want to do ? A scandal? These are not things that concern us!

You have to have understanding! You know that you could ruin his career?

- (Celeste) Judge, aren't you coming? - Celestial Woman, here I am!

Isn't he jealous anymore? I'm crazy ?

Incredible, while living in the same home for years, you hardly know each other!

- We can fix it. He wants to come in bed with me? - Yes! - Here we go !

- I have a more exciting idea, up and down in the elevator. - And why not?

For me there was.

Here is the bathroom ... There was! There was!

- Oh! - Oh! - Excuse me.

I wouldn't want him to think ... I was spying ...

- I reverence! - What type !

This time you don't fool me.

How do I feel you! We've been going up and down 5 times!

- Let's go to the bedroom! - Yes, but let's be careful!

(EXPRESSIONS OF AMAZING)

Do not worry, � that visionary asshole!

- Yes, kiss me! Oh yes! - Here!

- Abandon yourself! - How I feel you! - You make me a beast!

- What a beast! - Yes!

I am not in favor of the law of honor, but I justify it.

Just her? And her battles against the myth of jealousy?

The penalty must be short, however! (CESARlNO FlSCHlA)

Excuse me so much, Mr. Judge.

- The architect gave me back of the asshole! -He did well!

- This time I saw it though! - Thing ? - The body. Huh? - THE CORPSE!

(SAVlNO RlDE) He sees corpses everywhere, he's drunk!

Unfortunate!

(GEMlTl Dl PLACERE) (Savino) But what a corpse!

- (Cesarino) He's in the bedroom! - Too late, beyond!

- (Savino) He will take an eternal nap. - (Cesarino) I assure you it's there!

- What do you want to do ?! - He's in here! - Look straight into my eyes!

- Remember I always wanted you well, since childhood. - Yes.

We went to primary school together, then high school ...

- Look ... - We did even the university together!

- What does that have to do with anything ? - I am graduated and was more successful!

To have this success, I made a life of sacrifice, ...

... of renunciations, especially diets, then, in a moment of weakness ...

- You ate something. - I haven't eaten anything.

(DlALOGHl FROM THE NEXT ROOM) My husband is looking for me ...

- Your hands are frozen. - But I have a warm heart. - I feel.

(GEMlTl Dl PLACERE) Vampirona!

Where we are ?

- Oh, yes ... - Yes ...

- I'm yours ... - Porcelona! - Let's find a bed. - Porcellaccia!

If in a moment of weakness ... No, of mental confusion!

- No, in a time of need! - Do you need money ? - No.

- I open the closet. - You are crazy ? Do not do it ! - I'm not crazy !

- Where is it ? Savino, there is! - Is there anybody there? - No !

- So you're crazy, sorry. - He was here, with his head like that!

- There is! There is not! - There is! - But why must there be?!

- Was here before! - You're not crazy, but you're a little bit stupid.

- You must excuse me, I'm not there anymore with the head. - Imagine.

- The crime story, the corpses ... - You do a bad job.

- I'm going to have a drink. - Go and get drunk.

Why does it always disappear? Where is he now ?!

And if Cesarino finds him? Maybe it reappears on the bidet!

He also sees that when drunk!

Having a man like me near, ...

..a beautiful creature like her could flourish again.

Downstairs, upstairs!

- For me tonight was a blow of lightning ... - Oh my! - Help !

- Did he get hurt? - I suffer claustrophobia, let me out!

- Where's the remote? - Help ! - I'm coming !

(Demma) I can't resist anymore!

Has he gone mad? It got stuck!

Damn killer, where are you? Do you want see me dead? I'll kill you again!

The secret passage!

Want to see what the architect has done even the torture chamber?

The SS face has it, and he's super asshole!

There he is ! Hey! Hey!

Damn! You do it on purpose ? Let's play hide and seek ?

- Do not worry ! Coming! - Andrew !

(Demma) Help! Let me out! Help !

Voil�!

How are you, Mr. Judge? My God !

- I can't leave you a moment, Dear. Voil�! - Oh! Sorry !

What a shame! He tried again, the lady!

- Sorry ! - Celeste Woman ... allow me a word! - Judge!

There will be a safe place where there are no electronic devices!

- (Demma) Wait! - (Celeste) Leave me!

- Don't do that! - What will people say?

- Since I saw her I want her! - It's not possible!

Believe me, seeing her so provocative I can not resist !

Please, I have to change, not the time!

- I dare because I know the secret of her husband. - Which secret ?

I can't say more, I swore ... What was that ?! Are there ghosts?

Celestial Woman, don't flee!

Please let me in, Celeste woman!

Do not misunderstand about the feelings of a real man!

Celestial Woman, let me explain! Oh, what a beautiful joy!

And three!

This smoke ... I need an ashtray.

This pop art ... that it does something!

Let's have a nice carnival! Confetti and streamers!

- Cheer! - Long live the lawyer who got wet too!

Wishes ! Greetings to all! (GRlDA FESTOSE)

- How do you feel, honey? - (Savino) I'm fine.

There is Dr. Smeraldi, if you want to be visited.

I told you I'm fine. And then here there is danger ... I mean, go down!

- Hurry, soon it's midnight! - (Savino) Okay!

She is a holy woman. How does he live next to such a particular type?

(Celeste) It's just out of stock.

- Shoes number 39! - Don't bother me with your shoes!

The shoes of those who see the dead!

They're coming down!

- Hi, Savino! - Who is it?!

- How are you, Savino? - It is you. - Yes, it's me.

- You drank ? - Yes, a lot. - You're drunk ? - All. - Better.

- What are you doing ? - What I do ? I'm ... I'm ... moving a body.

You make fun of me too because I see the dead everywhere!

If I had told you I was carrying a chest, would you have believed it?

- Yes! - Then it's a chest.

- Ro ... rococo style? - No, late 19th century style.

It's good, it's solid wood, keep the hair, look.

- I know. - It has the finishing touches Bardonecchia, holds the '' recchia ''.

- It's worm-eaten, it's old wood. - Is heavy ?

- Dead weight, I can't more. - I'll give you a hand. - It's better.

- I'll give you a hand, I'm flying! - Come on foot, just come.

- I come flying on foot. - How much you're drunk ! Take her by the legs.

- For the legs? - Each chest has legs.

- What are those ? - Those are the legs of the chest.

Good boy. Come on, let's take him to the cellar.

Chest late 19th century with tennis shoes number 47!

It is midnight, there is a surprise: spaghetti with cream and truffles!

(EXPRESSIONS OF GLOLES) Take a seat in the dining room.

- Take a seat. - It allows me to be her knight? - Sure.

Cesarino, give me a hand that the chest weighs.

Cesarino?! He sleeps, he is drunk.

I carry it alone.

Here the elevator did not! Damn the architect!

How ugly.

Here is a shovel.

Condemn me as well for concealment of a corpse!

What do I care? I conceal it!

Hey ... this is empty, but there is!

You drink, you tone up.

Don't fool me anymore, chest! I dream of corpses!

Two deaths in via Robespierre, three bodies at the station, ...

..two Tunisians dead for vile reasons ...

I dream of them!

Chest ... chest ...

I dream of dead corpses ... all dead...

I dream. Don't fool me anymore, chest.

'' Judge, I didn't do it on purpose. ''

'' What do you say, Lagrasta? She also hid the body! ''

'' I know, 721 is clear, but me while I hid I did not look. ''

'Don't climb mirrors!'

I can't even bend down, judge! ''

'' In his position as a lawyer must know the code by heart! ''

'' His position is uncomfortable! ''

'' I know, more uncomfortable than this one dies. But there are also extenuating circumstances! ''

'' The aggravating factors, lawyer! Don't make me angry! ''

'' Mr public prosecutor, I appeal to you! '' '' Life imprisonment! ''

'' Give a life sentence to me that I am clean? ''

'' Then I buried it. 50 years, or 30, but I buried it. ''

Occult, but I don't look.

- (Celeste) Savino? - Who is it? I'm coming to you, love!

- What are you doing there? - I was doing the gymnastic. - What's wrong with you?

- It's cake time, and you're still in a bathrobe! - I'm going to change.

From the back door! Hurry up! Spring !

- A nice breath! In one breath ! - Well ... A big round of applause!

happy Birthday to You,...

happy Birthday to You !

- I wish you a hundred of these days, treasure ! - Let's hope not.

(APPLAUSl) No ! Each bite is 300 calories!

- Cream, chocolate ... - But it's my birthday!

- I haven't eaten anything either. - I better not watch. I go over there.

(Demma) Greetings, lawyer!

- A round of applause to the lawyer who doesn't can eat cake! - Vaffan ...

In the grave! Am I dead ... or am I crazy?

Or alive?!

This time, I am dead. A corpse.

Or am I crazy? I'm alive, I'm crazy, I'm dead!

There is no more! If he is not there, it means that he is alive!

If he is alive, he is not dead! Where is it ?!

(TOWARDS THE NIGHT BIRD) I surrender, Mr. Killer!

I have not done it on purpose ! She too, however, he did not want to hear reasons!

He better be alive ... I didn't mean to kill her! Let's talk about it verbally!

Stay here... At times you made me die ...

God be praised. I make you say 10 masses of suffrage, indeed, 100.

A thousand masses of suffrage to you, to the souls in purgatory, ...

..and to the soul '' de li mortacci your ''!

- Come on, I'm bored. - Okay, joy.

I don't understand the lawyer: hide a culattone in the closet!

- What are you saying ?! - I'll explain later. And with his wife who finds himself!

In your opinion, is that better than me ?!

- I didn't say it, but it's one beautiful woman. - See you later !

- Donna Celeste, thank you for the wonderful evening! - Mr. Judge ...

Thank you for the evening, but I have to go, they're waiting for me at the morgue.

- What does he do ? - Wrong hand. - Thank you, Donna Celeste. - To her.

Enough, it tired me! Now I get naked too!

- The party continues ! - What do you believe to be?! The '' Maja Desnuda ''?

Certainly not a tamer of elephants like you!

But come here a little! They called me '' the tiger of Salsomaggiore ''!

(GRID CONFUSED) Go too, Mr. Judge!

Hurray! Wonderful ! Wet party, lucky party!

Come all inside!

It is the most beautiful party of the year, come all inside!

What a wonderful party! Hurray! (GRID CONFUSED)

How the shovel weighs! I never worked like this ... fasting!

How badly the corpse looks at me ...

- (Celeste) Goodbye. Thanks. - Blessed Madonna dell'lncoronata.

The mafia is right to put them on in the concrete pillars!

They can't find them anymore!

- I'm sorry about the accident of the swimming pool. - Funny ! - Hello.

- Savino! - What is it? - What are you still doing ?! - it? Nothing.

Don't move from there! I'll come, otherwise you get cold!

- I was ... planting strawberries. - But do you think it's time?!

If I don't do it tonight what is it the full moon, when do I do it?

- Everyone's gone. - Better. Look ... - What is it?

- Do you always love me? - Of course, what questions are these?

Even if I did something serious? I didn't want to, I was forced!

What a tragedy ! It almost seems that you killed someone!

(NOISE FROM CAR IN STARTING) - Who is it? - Article 28, life imprisonment.

- (Celeste) The police! - (Savino) And what do they want?!

- The lawyer Lagrasta? - Commands. - Good evening. - Good evening.

- They say he's in this villa murder was committed. - Thing ?!

- A murder. - (laughing) Since it was my party, we were dancing ...

All modern dances, so ... it was my party tonight.

As you know, we are obliged to perform a search, as per warrant.

If there is a warrant, it seems to you that it can obstruct the course of the law?

- Please, go inside and do ... - Sure.

- Let's take a look first to Garden. - No ! - No ? - No ?!

You are master, you can do ... (SAVlNO RlDE NERVOUSLY)

I laugh thinking about the headlines: '' Lagrasta with the body in the house ''.

- Search. - You over there, we over there.

- Savino, what have you got? - I'm sick, it will be the full moon.

- Commissioner, come, there is a hole! - A hole?!

- Won't it be the strawberry one? - Other than strawberries! Commissioner!

No, don't go there, the hole is mine, the hole ...

Savino ...

Commissioner, the body is there.

- What corpse? - (with amazement) Who is it?

It is Saruzzo '' ll biondino ''. I warn the central.

Commissioner ... excuse a moment ...

I have to tell you something important, stop! Commissioner!

Doctor ... Oh, I'm sorry. It was self defense!

What legitimate defense?! This is a beautiful and good crime!

- And the extenuating circumstances? - None. - None ?

When a person is forced to do something he doesn't want to do, ...

... and at that moment he no longer sees ...

We have the murder weapon! The killer confessed!

- Did he confess ?! - It was him to lead us here. - Who ?!

One of the Marseillais they killed Vito Malisperi's men.

- This was the last. - And I, with the shovel ... My hernia almost falls!

One thing I don't understand: how he did it the killer digging the hole?

- It seems made on purpose ... - To plant strawberries!

- With a full moon. - I'm been the Marseillais! l MARSlGLlESl!

- I understood everything, it was the Marseillais. - Yes!

- At your service. Treats to the Lady. - I'm not married.

- Sorry. - See you later.

From a ballistic point of view, the Marseillaise fired from here.

He shot while I, for combination ... I had nothing to do with it.

Instead of being an idiot, you could sleep a couple of hours!

When I gave him the head in the testicles ...

- ln the end, it was a nice evening. - Busy.

(Celeste) Too bad for that poor fellow, but who could have imagined?

He did so ... he went towards ... The bullet!

The bullet in the tube, I knew it!

If this is the exit hole, when shot it stuck here!

- I'm innocent, Celeste! - lnnocent? Lucky, rather.

It was you who made him come that killer for me and Andrea.

Don Vito did everything, I had not accepted the proposal!

Since you have not accepted his proposal, ...

.. now is the time to accept my proposal: the horns!

- As ?! - You know the horns? - What does all this mean?

It doesn't matter, just that understand me. And I understood everything!

- What did you understand ?! - I simplify: you have horns, Savino!

You're not a killer, but that's right that you know that you are cuckold!

- I understood this, but ... - I'm leaving with my lover!

Heavenly ! Heavenly ! Hey!

He will lose weight visibly, if this is what you want!

- Please tell me it's a joke! Look, you will regret it! - Hello !

- The architect? - Honey ... - Hi.

Then your lover! But what a man are you, excuse me?

(with the '' r '' fly) At home gave me his word of honor!

He said he was a disciple of '' Maclnbrosh ''!

Poor ignorant, you do not deserve all of this ! Come on, dear!

Architect!

- Heavenly ! Heavenly ! - Hi, Savino!

But... (TELEPHONE SQUlLLl)

(TELEPHONE SQUlLLl) Who is it?

Don Vito Malisperi is out of danger, him step.

My handsome lawyer!

I'm glad you're okay. Can he speak?

- Yes. Can't you hear it? - Can you even hear?

Yes! (SAVlNO DOES A PERNACCHlA)

Done. Now I'll kill myself. Ml KILL!

- Chocolate? - No !

Would you mind turning it down the music ? I have a headache ...!

- Eat one, they're creamy! - At least 1000 calories each!

- Won't you be obsessed with diets? - Why?

I am very greedy, I like eating !

We are of southern origin: orecchiette, rigatoni ...

Dad weighs 1 20 kilos, mom 1 1 2. My brother was thin.

When did the hair care he gained 50 kilos in two months!

- Are you losing your hair too? - I'll do the cure my brother took.

It's a little bit dangerous, � based on seal hormones.

Makes you helpless for a while. It's a side effect.

Fat, bald and helpless ?!

Fat, bald and helpless! (RlSATA NERVOSA)

- Let's go back ! - Why? - Take me back to my house now!

- (Savino) I want to die, I'll kill myself! - Savino! No !

- Where are you ?! - (Savino) I'll do it over! - Don't, please!

I'm back honey, wait!

(Celeste) Savino, what are you doing?

I want to kill myself! I want to die eating!

- No more need, I'm back! - I do not care !

- Go back to the architect! - For to die like this takes so many years!

I'm in no hurry I can wait a long time!

Triglycerides ... cholesterol ...

What can I do to be forgiven?

Pass me the spaghetti, otherwise they get cold!

- Where do I put them? - Here. - There? - HERE!

I decide the suicide weapon!

You know, almost I commit suicide with you.

Let's commit suicide together!

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