Original subtitles

Fresh leaf pile, dollar jump. You won't find a cheaper leaf anywhere.

That's a great pile, Mr.

J, but I think my jumping days are behind me.

Pile of leaves was fun when I was a child, but now it would literally break

every bone in my body.

As the son of a landscaper, jumping into a pile of leaves is worse than stealing,

so... Well, I say far to you fuddy-duddies.

I'm going to live forever.

Cannonball!

Oh, I can feel the joy of childhood throbbing up my spine. Well, that's all

I needed to hear. Gregory, give the man a dollar.

Cowabunga!

Why do I never remember my tailbone until it's too late?

I'm gonna go get an ice pack.

Make it a double, my good sir.

You know, with the pain dolls, it's actually kind of fun in here. I know,

right?

Janine! Janine, you know my rule. Don't tickle or I'll puke.

I'm not tickling you.

What?

You smell that? Why does it smell like Tariq's cologne?

I don't want to see any counting.

Smiles or steak faces only.

Let's go again.

Last practice before tomorrow's big show.

We win that, these kids fly to Disneyland and meet Mickey Mouse. Ever

heard of him?

With stakes this high, I had to pull the kids out of class today to prepare.

Teachers understand.

No, we don't understand.

It flies in the face of our real grades initiative.

Nevaeh, Nadia, and Ileana are all missing history tests today, okay? It's

not like I get to pull kids out for podcast tournaments.

Don't make things up, Jacob.

It weakens our argument.

Hey, have you got my parking pass for tomorrow?

Thanks so much for volunteering.

It should be easy. They'll probably just have you showing people to their seats

or something. Oh, don't even mention it. What I'm really excited about is seeing

our students stomp their way to the top.

We gonna tear those other schools up. Ain't that right?

Come on now, Principal Coleman asked you a question.

All right, grab some water.

Not exactly giving fierce, are they?

They think no one believes in them just because of the weeks I didn't believe in

them. Oh, I think it's just pre-show jitters.

You know what you need?

You need a bottomless well of untethered positivity.

Now, if there's one young lady that describes it... Dora the Explorer.

That girl gets robbed and robbed, she'll be trying to solve the case. I'm talking

about Janine.

Janine who?

Gregory.

You are now the lucky owner of a reservation at Desorto tomorrow at 5.

Oh, and they need to flip the table by 6.45 so their own daughter will pop in

the queue.

Melissa, that is perfect. She'll never see it coming. I owe you. Yeah, you do.

Oh, and FYI, I told Luigi that you were going to get the prefix and a bottle of

champagne, so it might set you back like half a grand.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Um, yeah, you... That's fine.

If I'm going to get engaged at Philadelphia's nicest Italian bistro, I

should probably get something other than buttered noodles.

Can't believe a woman's maybe going to marry you.

Henry, why are you glowing?

Did you... He's... Oh, I'm just feeling especially... I mean... You both know.

Oh, thank God.

He's going to do it tomorrow night at Disorder.

A tiramisu and a ring on our lady's finger.

God, I wish it could be there.

But Podcast Club is covering the dance competition for our first live stream,

although I could see... Jacob.

You're not invited.

That is the meanest thing you could have said to me.

Carter has three bags, but there are two apples in each bag.

Amir and Elle both take one. What you doing?

Teaching.

So the final dance competition is tomorrow, and I know you don't know

nothing about step, but... Okay, I started the step team before you stole

it from me. Anyway, the step team's been getting a little nervous building up to

this, so they could use some of your... Dazzling choreography?

Toxic positivity.

Oh, well, I mean, I would love to help you, Ava, but it's just I've been trying

to keep my weekends open, you know? I've been waiting for something big to happen

with me and Gregory any day now.

Y'all haven't had sex yet?

Ava.

All right, listen, because I'm only going to say this once and then never

again.

The team needs you, and I need you.

Stop smiling.

Eve, if you need me, then I will help you.

I'm dead serious. Stop smiling right now. I can't.

You know what?

I'll take it back. I don't want your help. Too late. I'm helping.

All right, guys, grab a book.

Hey. Hey.

Have you heard the news?

Yeah, apparently Ava is desperate for my help.

Yeah, she needs the old princess of pep to pep the step of the step team.

And those are the words that she used? Verbatim, yes.

So I'm going to go to the competition tomorrow.

Unless you have any plans for us? Me?

No.

Do you have anything up there? No, no, no. I can't think of anything that's

huge or anything like that. Okay.

Well, it sounds like they really need you there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, then maybe I'll come too. I mean, I think that's probably the best way to

spend tomorrow, right? Right.

Cool.

Hello, I'm Barbara Howard, volunteering as an usher.

And you should have a Samesies listed under Tariq Temple.

Please tell me the Tariq behind me is a white Tariq. Ha!

A white Tariq.

That's impossible.

Unless... Tariq, what could you possibly be doing here?

Are you kidding? I'm a big-time volunteer.

Nobody pays me to do nothing.

So I brought orange slices for warm-up, I got cupcakes for when they win, and I

emailed the whole PTA list so everybody shows up for the girls.

And came on.

Look, I even got on an usher strike so everybody know what's up.

Okay, team.

Before we get a lay of the land, I want to capture the ambient noise while it's

still fresh.

Um... If I could get everyone's attention, my name is Jacob Hill. I'm

the head of the podcast club at Abbott Elementary.

We are going to be live streaming the competition, so if I could just get

complete silence for 90 seconds while we capture room tone.

Okay? Starting now.

What's up, Jacob?

Jacob!

Jacob! Starting... Jacob.

It's Tariq.

Starting now. Jacob!

Okay. Um...

Mr. Johnson, what is all this stuff?

The dance mom's first aid kit.

Bobby pins, barrettes, blush.

We look good, but so do those other teams.

Hit it with a pop of pep. Okay.

All right, team.

Okay, so let's just do a half-speed walkthrough. And remember, nobody's

perfect, right? But there is no one better to be than yourselves.

Now let's have some fun.

Disgusting. Keep going.

Okay.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Ow!

Oh!

Are you okay?

You need a beret?

Okay, Nevaeh, just slow and steady.

No. Well, normal.

Do you think you could just grin and bear it? Or just bear it? We don't need

to grin. It's really starting to hurt.

Now what? We just lost our best dancer.

And we are live. with the Abbott Step Team.

Can we get a sound bite for our tens of viewers?

No, uh-uh. No interviews.

Oh, no? You can't censor the press, Ava. Of course I can. This is America.

Wait, wait.

What's going on with Nevaeh? Uh, nothing.

The moves are so hot, we have to cool her feet down. What's up? All right.

Cool her feet down?

Real disco inferno. Okay.

There is a massive cover-up happening on the other side of that door, chat.

This is our water gate.

Step gate.

Uh, ankle gate.

Nevaeh gate.

Heaven's gate. We'll workshop it. Yeah.

Hello.

Please. Welcome in, brother. I like the way you sit down right there.

Oh, and y'all too?

I'm going to have you go ahead and take a seat right there.

Tariq. Huh?

Could you be a bit quieter and normaler just for a few minutes?

Well, Barb, you have your methods, and I have my methods.

Speaking of methods, where are all the Abbott people?

You said you were going to do an email blast to the PTA.

Oh, you listened.

Let me check on that.

Oh, well, it looks like I accidentally emailed the wrong PTA. This went to Paul

Thomas Anderson by mistake.

The one married to Maya Angelou.

How do you have his email?

Oh, it's just one question after another with you, isn't it?

All right, and there we go.

Emailed the school PTA.

I hope they get here in time.

Oh, welcome.

Hey, we want the one singing Chingy. Oh, I know that's right.

Come on down. I'm going to have you scooched down right there.

So now that we're not going to make it and he's trying to move the reservation.

Oh, good luck, pal.

DeSorto is more booked up than a library.

I mean, it's not till five. You don't think you can make it?

Competition lasts all day.

All day?

Man, the friggin' Super Bowl only lasts four hours.

So now there is no one here to support our team.

And you know, I hate to point fingers, but this is all your fault.

They're not open yet.

Did they mention any cancellation fee?

No.

Hey, why don't we, you know, space it out a little bit here?

Hello?

No.

Listen, kid, open seats abound. You can have your pick. Just not that one. I

like this seat.

Looks like it has the best sound.

Well, I'm pretty sure that the acoustics are just as good one seat over. You

should sit there, then.

I'm not moving a GD inch.

Cool.

We have that in common, then.

I think it's your ankle. That's the problem.

Okay, sunshine.

Dial the UV up to 12, because it's getting gloomy.

Oh, I think I have all the places you'll go memorize. Yeah, it's, um... What is

it? Congratulations.

Feeding shoes?

You know what? No, I can't risk it. I'm just going to improvise off my most,

like, inspirational material.

Perfect. And during that time and that time only, I've got your back.

Okay.

Um, hey, guys.

I know that we're all sad about Nevaeh.

Right, because it's sad.

Well, yeah.

Um, but the rest of you, you've got to go out there and you've got to dance

like no one's watching.

Right, because no one's here.

No, not that. Not that. Look, we may be down, but it is mind over matter.

Nothing matters.

Exactly. Ava, no.

All right.

Did somebody say blast off?

Because you have got to shoot for the moon.

Because even if you miss, you will land amongst the stars.

Yeah, because stars make you invincible.

Yeah, actually, yeah, but even against blue shells.

You can knock other races off the course, too. Yep, and get a speed boost.

You know what?

Screw the moon.

and shoot for the stars!

Yes, I love that!

That's great, guys.

Hold up, where's Nevaeh?

Nevaeh, would you say private equity's growing presence in youth sports is

responsible for your ankle injury?

100% agree.

That's a damning accusation for one of Step's rising stars.

Don't say damning.

Nevaeh, what did we tell you about speaking to people with podcast

equipment? Jacob, are you exploiting a young woman's pain for clips?

No, no, no.

No, but you should really see these numbers.

Disappointed. Okay.

Stay on them.

Yes, yeah, hi, hi. I need to change a reservation for tonight.

Sorry,

I don't speak Italian.

Hey, it's me, Gregorio.

My reservation is... Dale.

Lady, they're in assigned seats. I can say whatever I want.

Let me ask you a question.

When there's only one other guy at the urinals, do you pick the one right next

to the guy?

Every time.

What the hell's wrong with you?

A lot, maybe.

Move.

Now.

is everybody i don't know but i am gonna maybe find out i'll be back okay

steppers let's go hey hey hey hey have you guys seen any abbott people i mean

where are our supporters people should be rolling in any minute and they may or

may not have the director of boogie nights with them okay well i hope they

hurry i mean abbott's almost up well we'll just have to stall the competition

oh yes I'm great at making distractions, y'all. Let me go up there and sing the

national anthem. Tariq, that is a terrible idea. Yes.

I'll sing the national anthem.

All right, before moving on with the competition...

A quick word of thanks to our sponsor. Yes, but never any thanks for the

troops. How typical.

Mrs. Howard and Nick's dad are charging the stage. It looks like they're

stalling. Yeah, and he's not just Nick's dad. He's Tariq Temple.

Let me jog your memory.

Abbott on Abbott on Abbott. That booty big. No, no, no.

Breaking. Mr. C just tried to rap. It's anarchy here, chat.

All right, y'all. Before we continue, let's go ahead and rise for the singing

of our national anthem.

She goes to my church. Oh, say can you see?

I forgot the words.

Take your time, Sister Howard.

Just pivot.

Pivot? Pivot.

Left a good job.

getting out of this, huh?

Honestly. Is this fun for you, you sick bastard?

Dang, he sounds so mad right now.

Melissa, can you please help me with this reservation?

They only speak Italian.

Fine. But you gotta get rid of this punk, and I don't care how you do it,

but make it hurt!

Okay.

All right, kid.

I'll give you, uh, let's see, $15 if you move?

Do you have cash out?

Okay.

How about this?

Move.

Before I dropkick you across the auditorium.

Luigi, come on. You gotta quit with the fake Italian bit, man. I know, it's

funny, but it's not nice.

Come on and work with the guy.

Okay, everybody's starting to show up.

All right, this is it. Once Mrs. Howard collapses out there, you're up.

Okay, let's get this out of the way.

Exactly. Wait, what? We're not winning this. Our best steppers hurt, and our

other team had sparklers.

We'll just go out there and have fun, like Miss T says.

Wait, wait, listen.

You guys have worked so hard, and you're doing so well.

Yeah.

You know what, guys? Let's just get out there and show everyone what Abbott Step

is all about. You got this.

The moon and the stars are all... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

This isn't what they need right now.

This isn't some dance competition.

This is war.

Eva, he's right.

They need you.

I'll back you up.

All right.

Listen, those people out there, they didn't come here to watch you get this

over with. Yep. No, they did not.

They came here to watch you slaughter the competition.

Oh. To watch them beg for mercy and to watch you give them none. Okay. Now get

out there.

and step on the competition's throats. Because we came to win.

We came to what? Win!

We came to what?

Win! Let's do this!

Be there.

Thank you. Thank you. I have been Barbara Howard.

The Abbott Step Team, y'all.

Just this once, I agree.

We saved the day.

Yeah.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm sorry, I thought I felt a spark just now. It wasn't... I am a married woman.

I know, that's why I was prepared to have a man-to-man conversation with

Gerald about this.

Oh, don't you have a girlfriend?

That's not enough.

And now this year's first-place champions and winners of an all-expense

-paid trip to Disneyland Resort in Southern California... Evan Elementary!

What?!

We

are live at the epicenter of a miracle, the underdog story of the millennium.

Eva, Coach Eva, do you have anything you want to say to our hundreds? Yes.

hundreds of viewers this is a team effort and if i had put this team

together they'd be nowhere are you guys holding up to write anything

man

that bambino can talk oh

crap did i miss it we won though right yeah how'd you know our team has rhythm

the others are white it's pretty straightforward and they're not the only

winners i got your reservation best table in the house. You gotta wait for

the first Saturday in December, though. You're welcome. Melissa, thank you so

much. Yeah.

Gregory, we're going to Disneyland.

Wait, we?

Yes, we're chaperoning.

First weekend in December, so don't make any plans. Oh, I've never been to

California. I'm so excited. Please pinch me.

Gregory, I said pinch me. Huh? Oh, you love me too much. That's okay. I'll get

Jacob to do it.

Jacob, pinch me.

Jacob. It's okay. The reservation's under my name. I will take it off your

hands. Okay.

Melissa, we're going to Disneyland.

Well, what are you going to do? We plan Mickey Laughs.

So when you say all expenses paid, just to be clear, you guys are covering the

flights? Yep.

Hotels? Uh-huh. Per diems? Correct. Park entry? Of course. And not just the girl

with the rolled ankle. I'm talking everybody.

The whole team. And the chaperones? Yes, ma'am. How about the return flights?

You guys covering those as well?

Yes. We not gonna get out there and have to figure out our own way back.

Return flights are covered.

Okay, good, because we don't got it.

Then you don't have to have it. No, no haves.

We don't got it.

Heard. We don't.

Got it. Yep. Yeah

Double

the stars double the fun and double the surprises celebrity

wheel of fortune starts now