Original subtitles

Oh, excuse me, sir, but do you know a place that we could get married?

Are you kidding?

I mean the best place.

Well, McCain's the cheapest, but McCoy's the fastest.

And I ought to know. I tried them both.

Bone?

Alva, I think we ought to try the cheapest.

I think we ought to try the fastest.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

I'm sorry, but there are several others waiting outside.

Oh, sure, sure. I didn't mean to take up so much time. You can't.

Oh, thank you. But you know how it is. I did.

Three dollars, please.

Oh, of course.

Would you?

Three dollars.

Say, do you know of a good place to stay? This is the first time we've ever

been in Las Vegas.

Alva has to report back to camp a day after tomorrow. Yes. Well, we don't want

to spend the night looking for a room. No.

If you know of a nice place that isn't too expensive... Try the flamingo.

Stay away from the dice tables or it can be very expensive.

Mister, tonight I have no intention of going near a dice table.

Thank you for standing up for us. Goodbye, thank you. Goodbye, all. I hope

you'll always be as happy as you are now.

Oh, I'm sure we will. Next, next.

This

is

the bath.

The beautiful flowers.

Compliments of the management.

Your key, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, son, bring up a bottle of champagne with you.

Imported? No, domestic. Make it Delicio. You bet, General.

Wise guy. When he changes his uniform for one like this, he won't think it's

so funny.

Delicio uses the grapes from my vineyard.

Uh, I mean our vineyard.

You know, every time I think of grapes, I get homesick.

Gee, these are lovely.

Well, you don't have to worry about the vineyard or the house.

Mama and I'll take care of it. Oh, that's good. Because I wouldn't want

anything to happen to that house.

You know, my grandfather built that house when he first came to California.

And he gave it to my father, and my father gave it to me.

And I'm going to give it to our children.

Help.

Well, we are going to have bambinos, aren't we?

I want to have a lot of bambinos.

From here to here.

Please, Al, we don't have to talk about it now.

I can't think of a better time.

Al?

Oh.

You know, it seems a little stuffy in here.

Yes, it does seem kind of warm.

But they say Las Vegas is usually warm.

It seems warmer tonight than they say it usually is.

Maybe you ought to loosen your tie.

Huh? Oh, yes, I'll make myself sort of comfortable.

Well, I think I'll make myself sort of comfortable, too.

I mean... Lee?

Why don't you make yourself comfortable in here?

All right.

And I'll make myself comfortable in there.

Oh, Alva?

Yes, dear? It won't take me too long to make myself comfortable.

Do you feel more comfortable now?

Oh.

The perfume.

Wow.

I'm glad you like it. It's called Fide, Daughter of Eve. French.

French?

They say if the cork pops and you make a wish, it means you get your wish.

What did you wish for, Albert?

I wished...

that for the rest of your life you would get whatever you wished for.

To my own true love.

Alva, you say the most wonderful things.

I simply can't understand why my mother doesn't like you.

Well, for one thing, I don't say things like that to your mother.

I should hope not.

And besides, your mother had her heart set on you marrying Herman Struple.

I can't say I blame her. A plain GI versus the president of a cement plant.

Well, anyway, I owe him a vote of thanks. To Herman Struple.

Mr. Struble, what do you have to thank him for?

Well, if it wasn't for a cement plant, you would have never come to

Southerville for a job, right?

Right. You and your mother wouldn't be boarding in my house, right? Right. And

you and I would never have met, right?

Right. It's what you call cause and effect.

And I'm just crazy about the effect.

Well, there's going to have a fit when we tell her. She sure will. She'd throw

me out of the house if it wasn't my house.

Well, let's just have to get over it, that's all. That's all.

Alva, let me see your face.

Why, you're breaking out.

What? You've got bumps all over it. Come here and look.

See?

Must have been something I ate that I shouldn't have or something I didn't

that I should have.

Why, Alva, you're burning up.

Why, it's just the excitement. I've been feeling this way ever since we decided

to elope.

But, but, but, Lee.

Is there a doctor in the hotel?

Lee, I don't need a doctor. I'm probably just allergic to my uniform.

Look, Lee, what... Shh!

Well, ask him to cash in his chips and come up here right away.

Alva, you may be coming down with something and you don't know it. Lee, I

don't care what I'm coming down with.

You shouldn't have called a doctor.

But Lee... Shh!

102 and six-tenths. 102.

Did you ever have the chicken pox when you were a boy?

No, sir, but I had the measles and the mumps.

Well, you've got the chicken pox now.

Oh, no. Chicken pox? Didn't you know you had a fever?

Well, I didn't think it was because of chicken pox. Well, I'll have you moved

to the emergency hospital immediately.

Emergency is right.

Doctor, I'm on my honeymoon.

Don't scratch, Mr. Morell. Don't scratch.

Doctor, I'll take care of him. He's my husband. In sickness and in health till

death do us part.

Death? You mean you could die from this?

Hardly. Don't scratch.

By the way, have you ever had the chicken pox? No.

Then you better keep away from him right over here. Oh, no, Doc.

I'm sorry.

Alba. Emergency hospital, please.

But, Doctor, I have to be back at the base the day after tomorrow.

The doctors at the hospital will communicate with your officers.

They'll arrange to ship you back to your camp as soon as possible.

Alba, why didn't you have the chicken pox when you were a boy?

How did I know I'd get it on my wedding night?

Please, don't scratch.

Don't scratch.

Now, don't get too close to him.

Goodbye, Alpha.

Goodbye, Lee.

Bye.

Varian.

Oh, I forgot.

I found this in your bathroom. Sure smells pretty.

Fine honeymoon.

With my wife's perfume bottle.

Morning, George.

Morning, Mrs. Struble. Morning, Mary. Good morning, Mr. Struble.

Morning, Josh. Good morning, Mr. Struble. Good morning, Mrs. Struble.

Morning, Lee. These are for you. Oh, thank you.

Oh, they're lovely.

I'll be ready for you in just a few minutes. Come in, Josh.

Herman Struble's office.

Alva, darling, how are you?

Fine, honey.

Fine. Sure, I'm feeling all right now.

Yep, it's all gone.

I wanted to call and tell you we're moving to a POE tomorrow.

That means port of embarkation.

Port of embarkation.

I said port of embarkation!

You'll have to talk louder, darling.

Louder. I can scarcely hear you because of those darn rock grinders outside.

Can you hear me now?

That's good.

We're going to be shipped out.

I don't know.

I was going to ask for a leave so we could have our honeymoon.

Honeymoon!

You bet we will, baby, just as soon as we get back.

Say it, baby.

Say it again.

I love you!

Cut it out!

No, not you, baby. There's some guys trying to rush me out of here.

I love you, baby. I'll always love you. Yes, that goes for me, too, in spades.

Bye.

I love you, baby.

I'll always love you.

I love you, baby.

What about that guy, huh?

Thank you for driving me home, Mr.

Strobel. I'd prefer you'd call me Herman.

After office hours.

Well, it seems a little silly to call you Mr. Stroopel at 5.30 and Herman at 5

.31. Well, if you'd see me a few evenings, you might become accustomed to

it. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Stroop... Herman.

But it really wouldn't be fair to Alva.

I admire your loyalty, Lee, but I feel it's misdirected. After all, Alva's been

gone ten months now.

Ten months, one week, three days, and 16 hours.

Well, what do you know?

Nevertheless, your mother feels the same way I do.

You know the old saying.

The girl's best friend is her mother.

I thought it was a dog.

No, that's a man's best friend.

Well, you'll have to excuse me, Mr.

Herman.

Between trying to remember whether to call you Mr. Struple or Herman, I forgot

what I was going to say.

I really have to go now.

Well, give my regards to your charming mother. I will, Mr. Struple.

Donovan.

Donovan Murray, you come down here right this minute. Do you hear?

How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from this big tree? This is

Alba's favorite tree.

All right.

Give me a saw for Christmas before if you don't want me to saw away.

Come down, do you hear me?

I'm beginning to be sorry I didn't give you a rope.

Now go on upstairs and get cleaned up for dinner. I'll tell your father about

this.

Good evening, cousin. Good evening.

Hi, Nellie. Hello, Lee. Take care of the twins again?

Cousin Louise is at a bridge club this afternoon.

Any woman that plays bridge as often as she does has no right to have a baby,

much less twins.

Mr. Struple, drive you home? I admire and respect Mr. Struple up to 5.30.

After that, I wish he'd leave me alone.

Maybe he would if he knew you'd married Alva.

Well, he'll find out just as soon as Alva comes home. We'll both tell Mama

then. Think it's going to be easier to tell Alva that you didn't tell your

mother you were married than it would have been to tell your mother you'd

married Alva?

That's it exactly. Oh, Alva will understand.

Good evening, Cousin Alva. Good evening.

Try the grapes. They're grown here.

I did. They must use vinegar for fertilizer.

Cousin Betty, Cousin Ben, this is Cousin Lee.

Hello, Cousin Lee.

Take the bowl.

Did you hear what she said about Alva's grapes?

By the way, I've never seen them before.

They just moved in this morning.

She's your mother's sister's brother-in-law's daughter and her

husband, or is it your mother's brother's sister-in-law's son and his

wife? Well, that does it. Enough is enough.

Mama!

Just a moment, dear.

I've been resting.

It's been such a hot day.

You know how the heat affects my heart.

What is it, dear? Mama, how could you? How could I what, dear? Take in more

relatives. Haven't we got enough already?

If you're referring to Cousin Betty and Cousin Ben, Mr. Struple very kindly gave

Cousin Ben a job. They had no place to stay, and they are our own flesh and

blood. Mama, this is no blood bank.

This is Alva's house.

What's he going to say when he comes home and finds his house full of my

relatives? Well, Mr. Struple is making cement for the government.

He needs workers.

My relatives are working for him, and I'm giving them shelter as a duty to my

country.

My relatives are my contribution toward preparedness.

And I consider that as important as Alva's. Even though he wears a uniform

and I don't. Well, I only hope Alva sees it that way, but I don't think he will.

Then he can't be very patriotic.

If you were more sensible, dear, it wouldn't matter to us what Alva liked or

didn't like.

When a man as prominent as Mr.

Struple... Mama, once and for all, my only interest in Mr. Struple is his

cement. I can't understand you, Lee.

I can't.

I asked you not to become engaged to Alva.

But now that you are, it's not too late to break it off before you ruin your

entire life.

Think what it would mean to me and the family if you and Mr... The family? Do

you think I care about them?

Lee, you ought to be proud of your heritage.

Our family came out to California in a covered wagon.

Now that I've seen them, I know why the wagon was covered.

With the exception of Aunt Elsa, who does more than her share around here,

they're all a lot of leeches.

Oh, a dizzy spell coming on. Mama, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Mama.

Just a moment, cousin. I don't want this liver to burn.

Oh, you're back.

Don't cry, don't cry. There's nothing to cry about. Why did you write and tell me

you were coming?

Well, we left so fast, I didn't get a chance to write, so I thought I'd

surprise you.

Let me look at you.

Oh, my gosh, you look so thin. Your cheekbones are sticking out. I look more

beautiful than I remember.

You'll never know how much I missed you. It must have been tough on you.

Working, taking care of your mother, keeping up the house.

Oh, how is your mother? Oh, she's fine.

Oh, Alva, I... I've got to tell you, there's something that I... I did while

you were gone that I don't think you're going to like. Honey, you couldn't do

anything I wouldn't like.

But I have.

I've done a couple of things that I... Oh, the twins.

The what?

Shh. Oh,

I've got to get another bottle. I'll be right back.

Twins?

You take care of them, Alba.

Babies certainly keep one busy.

Quiet.

Polly, Alba, you look so cute holding the twins. That's right.

after fruit bowl please speak to me say something dear here lee lee

baby say something lee darling he knocked her cold get the spinning soap i

know where there used to be some i'll be right back is that a light for my

cigarette

Can't you look where you're going?

Who's here?

I don't know.

Feel a little better, sweetheart?

She'll be all right now.

Feel better?

I'm fine.

Oh, Alva, this is cousin Ben.

Howdy.

And this is Aunt Elsa. They're living with us. I'm glad to know you, Alva. It

was very kind of you to come and keep Lee company while I was gone. If you

think we're company, wait.

Say,

who are all those people I passed?

What, are you having a party or something?

Alva, I've got to go. And the twins.

Shh. What are they doing here?

Let's take a walk.

Honey, I didn't come home to walk. All I've been doing for the last 10 months

is walk, walk, walk.

Please, Alva. Alva.

Better take the smelling salts with you.

We can talk here.

Tell me, Lee, what's going on here? Who are all those people?

Relatives.

Relatives? Uh-huh. And the babies?

They're relatives, too.

Just how close?

Uh, third cousins on Mama's niece's side.

Cute kids, all right. Tell me, how many relatives are there?

Well, let's see. Honey, Cousin Ben, Cousin Betty, you just arrived.

Fifteen.

Fifteen?

All living in my house?

Well, you see, Alva, they were always writing to Mama for money.

So Mama brought them to Sutter'sville to work the struple. And since they're

making cement for the government, Mama felt it was a patriotic duty to take

them into the house.

The president isn't that patriotic with the White House.

Now I know why Ann Elsa gave me these smelling salts.

Look, Alva... Who's sleeping in my room?

Mama.

Well, we'll tell her to move. I want to fix up that room for you and me.

Gee, the grapes look good this year. Alva, we can't.

Well, if you don't want to tell Mama to move, we'll take some other room.

Well, we can't take any room, not for a while anyway.

Not till we tell Mama we're married.

Not till we tell her what?

Look, Alva, you're making it so difficult for me to explain.

Well, you're making it very difficult for me to listen. Go on, Lee, explain.

I'm listening. Look, I got ears and everything.

Well, Mama doesn't know we're married.

Doesn't know we're married, but why not?

Because I didn't tell her.

You mean you kept our marriage a secret?

Aunt Elsa knows.

She's never had a husband. I knew she'd understand how I felt while you were

away.

May I ask why you kept our marriage a secret, may I ask? Well, I'm asking.

Well, because when I came home after we eloped, Mama had one of the dizzy spells

because I was missing.

She said she was afraid I'd run away and married you.

Well, you had.

I know, but I told her I hadn't. I told her the only reason I went up to see you

was because you were being shipped out.

Well, why didn't you write and tell me about this?

Because I didn't want to upset you while you were away from home.

Oh, you want to upset me when I got back home.

Albert.

Oh, Lee, baby, don't cry.

Everything's going to be all right.

Look, we'll go and tell Mama we're married right now.

Don't you think we ought to wait a while?

Wait a while?

Look, Lee, I've only got one week, and then I've got to report back.

One teensy-weensy little week to make up for 14 days of the chicken pox and 10

months overseas.

We're not going to wait another minute.

Suppose Mama has one of her dizzy spells.

I've got just the thing for her.

Don't ever do that again.

The chimney seems to be smoking. It must be the west wind. What is it, dear?

Mama, look who's home.

Oh, welcome, my boy, welcome.

I'm delighted to see you here in your home.

Had I known you were returning, I'd have hung out the flag.

I'm glad to see you're looking so well, Mrs. Kingsend. Oh, my boy, one must

never judge by appearances.

I'm really not a well person, although I'm not one to complain.

I have no appetite at all these days. I simply force myself to eat.

Oh, but Mama can't stand cigarettes.

Oh, I'm... That's all right. I don't mind it so much after dinner.

Mama, I told Al all about the relatives.

I'm afraid we've abused your hospitality giving them shelter.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

I suppose now I'll have to tell them all to leave.

Well, I'm only going to be home for one week. No sense you and Lee staying in an

empty house after I'm gone.

Especially when you're used to having a lot of people around.

So we might as well let things be.

Oh, that's very considerate of you, Alva.

Did you say you were going to be home only one week?

That's right, Mrs. Kingshead.

Don't know why I keep calling you Mrs. Kingshead. Might as well start calling

you Mama right now.

Mama?

Aren't you taking too much for granted, young man? I'm not your Mama yet.

Well, that's what we wanted to talk to you about.

Our marriage.

Marriage? Yes, marriage.

I believe you just don't know how things stand between Lee and myself.

It's about time you learned that we are... Mama!

You see?

Mama, the smelling salts. Quick.

Quick.

Thank you, dear.

My poor heart.

I can't stand shocks of any sort.

Shocks or no shocks, Mrs. King. Mama, it's time you learned that Lee and I are

already... Yes, what Al's trying to say is that we are all ready to be married.

We can talk about that later. You're going to be here for a week.

One whole week.

One can accomplish many things in a week.

I hope so.

Say, what happened to Vesuvius?

Oh, it's right there, behind the chest.

Behind the chest?

I took it down. I hope you don't mind.

Mama, wouldn't you like to lie down and rest for a while?

Perhaps that would be best.

Now that Alva's home, why don't we put the picture back up again?

That? Well, the room doesn't feel the same without it.

Alva, let's leave Mama alone for a while.

Oh, Alva.

You want your room back, won't you?

No, you're fixed up here and I'll be leaving soon anyway.

I'll hang Vesuvius up in the hall.

Mama, where will Alva sleep?

Alva can sleep in the study with Donovan.

Mrs. Kingshead, I don't know who Donovan is, but I was... I'm certain Alva will

love the study.

Goodbye. Look, if I'm not beefing about having her for a mother-in-law, she

shouldn't beef about having me for a son-in-law. Alva, you just don't

understand her. She's all right in her way.

Maybe, but she keeps getting in mine, making me sleep with Donovan, whoever he

is. Who is he?

Oh, he's... Oh,

no!

Lee, I came home to be with you, not with that little monster.

You will be, Alva, you will be.

Where's your room?

Well, it's right across from Mama's. Good, I'll come up later when we can be

alone.

Donovan, Donovan, stop that noise.

Darling, darling, darling, it's me, Alva, your husband. I want to talk to

you.

You're not afraid, are you?

I was never less frightened in my life. Oh, that's good, because... You sound

different. I am different.

Ann Elsa.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm awfully sorry.

I'm terribly sorry.

You needn't be that sorry.

Well, Lee told me this was her room. It is.

Her mother wanted Lee to sleep with her at night, so I moved in.

She said she'd be here and...

After all, I'm her husband. My dear boy, you've been her husband for less than a

year, while Mrs.

Kingshead's been her mother for 20 years.

You know, it takes more than a wedding ceremony to make a girl your wife, at

least a girl like Lee. I'm beginning to think so, too.

Alva, is what you have to talk to her about very important? I should say it

is. Don't forget, I've been gone for 10 months, and there's a lot of things a

husband has to say to his wife after all that time. Then I'll get her out for

you. Turn your back a minute.

Come with me, Alva.

You sure you won't wake her mother? No, her mama sleeps like she eats.

I couldn't sleep.

Oh, neither could I.

Well, children, good night.

Good night.

Albert, you shouldn't have come up here. Why shouldn't I? I can talk to my wife

if I want to, can't I? Not so loud.

A fine marriage.

A man can't even talk to his own wife.

I didn't get married to be a bachelor. The way I have to sneak around here,

you'd think I wanted to talk to somebody else's wife instead of my own. Albert,

you've got to wake up, though.

out here?

Oh, I felt thirsty, so I thought that I'd go downstairs and get a drink. Well,

there's plenty of water here in the bathroom.

Here.

Oh, thank you.

But I really wanted a glass of hot milk.

Well, don't just stand there. Go and get your hot milk.

Bring me some, too, and then we can both get some sleep.

Alba.

Alba.

It's a good thing your mother didn't decide to take a shower.

You're all out of breath, aren't you? Well, not exactly out of breath, just

sort of excited and out of breath.

Oh, uh, why don't you sit down and catch your breath?

See, that's a pretty kimono you have on, Lee.

Oh, silly, this isn't a kimono, it's a robe.

And it's a very pretty nightgown, too.

Well, I've had it for ten months, one week, and four days. Is that the one you

wore the night I got the chicken pox? Uh-huh.

You said that you wanted to talk to me. Did I?

Uh-huh. What did I say I wanted to talk about?

Well, you didn't say.

Didn't I?

No. Well, I think it's something.

It's sort of difficult to concentrate right now.

Oh, I know. It's so much on your mind after being gone for so long.

Gee, you smell beautiful, Lee.

Say, is that perfume Fidev?

Uh-huh.

Same girl, same perfume, same nightgown.

Oh, Lee.

Who is it?

It's me, that's who.

Donovan.

Donovan. Go back to sleep. It's past one o'clock.

I better sleep. I woke up because I want a drink of water.

Go back to bed.

I don't want to go back to bed.

I want it here.

John, what is it? What's the trouble?

I'm dying of thirst and Lee won't let me in.

What is it?

I want to go to bed.

I want in.

Lee, dear, are you in there?

Yes, Mama.

Here.

Let me.

Yeah, come on, fellas, let's... I'll get out.

Oh, Alva, are you hurt?

Darling! How could I possibly be hurt falling through a tree from the second

floor window?

It wouldn't hurt a fly.

Oh, darling, Donovan saw through that branch this afternoon.

Donovan, it's a fine time to tell me.

Alva Morel.

Why were you in the bathroom with my daughter?

Because your daughter is also my wife. That's why.

Oh, dear.

That's no reason for... That's... Did he say his wife?

Yes, Mama.

get you yet. Good morning, Alva.

How do you feel? Oh, good morning, cousin Lee. Good morning. I was just

coming down to say goodbye.

Goodbye? Well, where are you going?

Well, to work, of course. Excuse me.

To work?

Oh, Lee, baby, you can't do that to me. This is supposed to be our honeymoon. I

felt sure you'd stay home today.

Good morning, Alva.

Good morning. Well, Mama said you'd want me to go to work, didn't you, Mama?

Lee has government contracts to get out by tonight.

I knew that you wouldn't want to hold up the progress of our country's

preparedness program.

I told her that you were a soldier and you'd understand.

I'm also a husband, which is something you should understand.

Please. Well, if you want to be selfish at the expense of your country's

welfare... Are you trying to tell me that the welfare of the United States of

America depends on whether my wife goes to work this morning or not? We must all

put our shoulders to the wheel. Well, let him use somebody else's shoulder

today. I'm beginning to think you should be investigated by a congressional

committee.

I have been overseas for the last ten months and haven't kept up with the new

laws. But I'm certain it's not a federal crime for a husband to want to keep his

wife home on his honeymoon.

Oh, dear.

Mama, maybe I should stay home.

Lee, darling, you can't. Mrs. Drupa may fire you. Then she'll get another job.

At $6,000 a year? Yes, at six... Six thousand... Is

that what you get?

Why, yes. That doesn't include bonuses.

Six... The most I ever got from my vineyard in a year was $3,000.

Say, what does Stroopel give you $6,000 a year for?

Well, he says I'm invaluable to him. Oh,

I'll try to be home early.

Goodbye, Mama.

Uh, Lee.

Alva.

Would you come along to my room for a moment, please? I'd like to talk to you.

Do you think you're being fair to Lee?

Well, no, I guess I'm... What are you driving at?

You must realize that this so-called marriage of yours to my daughter... So

-called? What do you mean, so-called? We're married like anyone else who is

married is married.

With chicken pox?

Oh, you know about that. Lee told me everything last night.

So, as I was saying, this so-called marriage of yours to my daughter is

going to ruin Lee's chances for a happy future.

When I get out of the army, I'm going to give her the happiest future a girl ever

had. On what?

$3,000 a year from your grapes?

Yes. If a frost or a drought or some silly little bugs don't kill the crop

that year.

When we moved in here, you told me this used to be an enormous vineyard, but

that your father had to sell off most of the land to keep from going bankrupt.

That's true.

That was during Prohibition. Well, who can tell when Prohibition will come back

again? For myself, I abhor liquor in all forms.

I dislike the idea that your grapes contribute to the consumption of liquor

in this country.

Is that the reason you object to me because I grow grapes?

Well, that's one of the reasons.

There are others too numerous to enumerate. My main objection, of course,

is that you're preventing Lee from marrying a number of successful men who

are interested in her, including Herman Struple.

Marrying? But she's married to me, and if she marries again, that's bigamy, and

I know that's a crime.

Exactly.

Therefore, I think in all fairness to Lee, you should have your marriage

annulled and give her the opportunities that she deserves.

You'll be leaving the end of the week. Do you think it fair to compel that poor

child to sit at home night after night while you're cavorting in some foxhole?

Mrs. Kingshead, one does not cavort in a foxhole. One is lucky if one can stay

alive in one. Well, I did... Furthermore...

Not only have I no intention of annulling my marriage to Lee, but I have

every intention of eliminating the so-called from our so-called marriage.

What?

Lee, will you come in here a moment?

Lee, I just talked to my attorney.

We got Stevens, Wallace, Hanks to sign the right-of-ways through their

property. Oh, that's wonderful, isn't it? Certainly is. Now all we need is

Alva's permission, and I can start building that spur track direct from the

plant to the depot.

Now then, I want you to cable him immediately.

Ask for power of attorney so that you can sign the contract to let us go

through his vineyard.

Mrs. Truffle, we don't have to cable him. He's here. My husband came home

last night. Oh, Lee, that's wonderful. That's a...

I could have sworn I heard you say my husband. I did.

Alva and I were married before he went overseas.

But I kept it a secret because we were afraid it would bring on one of Mama's

dizzy spells.

Well, now I know exactly how your mother feels.

My deepest congratulations, Lee. Thank you. Although I must admit the news

comes as quite a shock to me.

I'd always thought that perhaps someday... Well, I always thought maybe

that you... Well, I guess I just couldn't compete against a uniform.

Oh, you should see him in his bathrobe. He looks even more handsome.

Yes, I...

Well, it's an ill wind that doesn't blow anyone any good or something like that.

Anyway, now that he's back, I want you to ask him to sign this contract

tonight. All right.

I want you to tell Alva that by putting this spur track through from the plant

to the depot, it eliminates an expensive practice of hauling cement by trucks.

And we'll be able to keep employment at a high level even after our government

contracts run out. Mr. Struble, doesn't that line go right through Alva's house?

Where? Right here.

Well, who built that house there anyway?

Alva's grandpa.

Well, it's very inconsiderate of him.

We'll simply have to move the house.

You tell Alva that the Struple Cement Company will pay all costs to move the

house back 50 feet from the spur track.

And you tell him that we'll pay him the same amount for the rights to go through

his property as we paid all the others. $2,000.

Oh, I'm sure that's more than Alva will expect for a little old ordinary spur

track.

Thank you, Coach. Thank you.

I'd get killed eating around this table. If he doesn't starve to death first.

Yes, dear?

I'd like to talk to you alone.

Sure, sure.

Uh, darling?

Oh, not now, Alva. Later. Right after we finish dinner.

Well, sure.

Lee, where are you going?

Oh, I just wanted to talk to Al.

Darling, you promised to stay with me tonight. You know I'm not feeling well.

I want to get some sleep. Lee.

Oh, Mama, I won't be very long. Yes, she will.

Excuse me, please.

Would you please pardon me?

Take our little angel to bed. He's tired.

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

I don't want to go to bed!

Hello.

Nobody in here?

Come on, cousins, bring the poker chips and let's get started.

I only got two hours to get even. Even, you won last night.

Now,

think that... We're twins.

Nice, baby.

Nice, baby.

What's the matter, Mommy?

What did you do nothing not

here You

like

the pie liked it better back home

Isn't there any place where two people can be alone? Guess we better go back to

the living room. No, no, not that.

Let's take a walk.

Now, I'd just like to see anyone bother us here.

Alva. Huh?

It's our tree.

Hey. You remember, huh?

How could I forget?

I swear you kissed me for the first time. I thought you were going to slap

me, but you kissed me back instead.

Well, why should I slap you if I wanted you to kiss me?

I thought you'd never get around to it. Well, then why didn't you tell me you

wanted me to kiss you?

Oh, goodness, Alva. A girl has to tell a boy when she wants to be kissed.

Didn't you hear something?

Thunder. Oh, it's raining.

It sure is. Oh, shouldn't we go back? No, we shouldn't. A little rain isn't

going to hurt us.

Oh, the branches are pretty thick.

Yeah, be good for the crop.

What? The rain.

That's just what I was thinking. What?

Be good for the crop.

You know, Lee, this is what I used to dream about. Just you and me alone.

Of course, I never figured it'd be outdoors in the rain.

Oh, Lee, what more can I ask for? You, my house.

A little money.

Oh, speaking of money, I want you to sign something that'll mean a lot to

Sutterville. Surely, sure. What is it? The Red Cross? The blood bank or

something? No, no, nothing like that.

Mr. Struple wants the right to build a spur track through your vineyard. Now,

Wallace, Hanks, and Stevens have already given their permission to go through

their property. All you have to do is sign, and then he can go right ahead.

That's very interesting. He's going to give you $2,000 for the rights. Oh,

that's very sweet of him.

Are you listening?

Sure, you keep on talking.

Well, I told him you sign in a minute.

Anything you say, baby, anything.

Of course, they have to move the house. The track would come right through it.

But Mr. Struple said that he'd pay to have it moved back 50 feet. Sure, you

can move my house. You can move my house.

Have trains across my front yard?

Do you think I'm going to permit that cement company to fill my vineyard with

its stinking smoke and noise?

But, Alva, you promised. You absolutely promised.

You just said, quote, anything you say, baby, anything, unquote.

That's exactly what you said.

Did I know what I was saying?

Alva! Let me have that paper.

Now, let's not hear any more about it.

All right, Alva, but I don't know what I'm going to tell Mr. Struple. I

promised him you'd sign. You can tell Mr. Struple anything you like. In fact,

I'll give you a couple of words you can use on him. Alva! Oh, Lee, baby, let's

not argue.

I didn't come out here to sit under a tree in the rain to argue with you.

I'm sorry, Alva. I don't want to argue.

Let's you and me never argue.

Oh, how I look forward to this.

Oh, darling, I look forward to you looking forward to this.

What are you blowing that thing for?

Lee's mama was worried because she was out in the rain. So she formed us into a

posse to go look for her.

Detective, you ought to get something for this.

That's just what I was thinking.

Susie, is my breakfast ready yet?

It's in your room, Mama.

Thank you, Cousin Luke.

Oh, good morning, Lee.

Oh,

Lee, dear.

Yes, Alva? I thought maybe we could have lunch today.

Oh, I'd love to, Alva, but I can't. Mr. Struple is having a conference at noon.

A conference?

Well, how long would it last?

I don't know.

What are you going to do?

I thought I'd go into town and see some of the boys.

I was here first.

Ow, you little... Why, what do you think of that?

Say! Morning, cousin.

Morning.

Alba! Will Stubbins! How are you, old son of a gun?

Hey, I thought you were still in. No, I caught a piece of lead in my leg. Left

me with a limp. Me who used to be the jitterbug champ of Sutterville High,

remember? Of course.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your lead. That could have been worse. Come on in.

If it wasn't for that hunk of lead, I wouldn't have this place.

Wow. When did you open up here?

Oh, about eight months ago. I got government dough to help me buy it. I'm

getting rich.

I'm getting fat.

I'm getting around a little bit, too.

Bet Huckle-Led didn't interfere with that.

Hey, come on, sit down, Alvin. Thanks. Hey, when did you get out? I didn't.

No, I'm on leave. Just put these on for a couple of days to feel like a civilian

again. What do you want to drink?

Scotch with a water chaser. Good.

Yeah, how about another drink?

Can't you see I'm talking to a very special friend?

Look, mister, if you want another drink, you get your fat face out of here and

get it somewhere else. Understand?

Well, you'll ruin your business talking to customers like that. No chance.

I'm making money faster than I can count it. But I don't enjoy it because I just

don't enjoy the town anymore.

Sutterville ain't what it used to be. You bet it ain't. I just saw a lady walk

by with a mink coat over her pajamas.

You know what?

Mink coats are so common here that now we call them Sutterville squirrels.

I tell you, that cement plant is just about ruining this town.

Hey, how long are you going to be here, Alva? I've got to go back at the end of

the week.

That isn't much time for a man to spend with his wife after being away nearly a

year. You're married?

Oh, yes, to Lee Kingshead.

Oh, sure, I've seen her. Hey, she's real cute.

Yeah, we got married just before I went overseas.

Congratulations. I didn't even know it. You know, sometimes I feel like I don't

even know about it. What do you mean?

Well, she works all day, and then when she comes home, we can't even be alone.

Got the house full of her mama's relatives busting in on us at all times.

You know, there just isn't a place in this town anymore where two people can

be alone.

Yes, there is.

My apartment.

I got a date tonight, so I won't be until way late.

1918 Maple Street.

Hey, I can't thank you enough, Will. Oh, forget it.

Name the first one after me.

That's just what I'll do, Will. That's just what I'll do.

To William Morrell.

Hey, that sounds pretty good, too. To William Morrell.

Delicio Salami

Salute, mi amore.

Thanks, buddy.

See you later.

Leave.

Leave.

I got the key.

I'll get my coat. Good.

Oh, um, she went out to the back porch.

Lee, you have a Suthersville squirrel, too.

Suthers... Oh, dear. Tell me about it later. Let's go.

Will's apartment is really something. Wait till you see it.

Will... Good evening, Lee.

Hello... Alva, glad to see you back. Thank you, Mr. Struple. Well, we'll be

seeing you. Just a minute, Alva. I want to talk to you. Some other time. No, I

must talk to you tonight. As a matter of fact, right now. Mr.

Struple's here! Mr.

Struple's here!

Well, good evening, Mr.

Struple. Good evening.

So kind of you to come. Please come in and sit down. Thank you. Well, glad to

find you're all at home.

What I've got to say concerns every one of you.

Fine, fine. You go in and talk to them and we'll be right back.

But you're the one I want to talk to. Welcome, Mr. Struple. You're welcome.

Thank you. Lee, where are you going?

We were going to go out and get a breath of fresh air.

Well, surely you're not going to leave when Mr. Struple is here.

Well, I... No, Mama.

But, Lee... Look, Alva, I think it might be best if... All right.

A chair for Mr. Struple. Let's make it fast, Mr. Struple.

Mr. Lynn.

Get a chair for Mama, cousin.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to act as sort of a jury.

But mind you, I want you to be impartial.

Alva, I don't think you fully realize the importance of this trunk line to the

community. But I'm sure that when you do, you'll gladly give us the rights to

put that spur line through your property.

Well, if that's what you've come to talk to me about, Mr. Struple, the answer is

no. Well, I guess there's nothing more to say. Come on. Well, now, just a

minute, Alva. I'm not through talking. Alva, how can you be so rude?

Alva, maybe we better let Mr. Struple finish.

Thank you, Lee.

Now, you may not know it, but I started out in life as a barefooted boy.

I wasn't born with shoes on either.

Yes, but what I meant to say is that I built that cement plant from nothing.

Let's forget about cement plants and get to the point.

All right, Alva, all right. Well, maybe you don't think $2,000 for the rights is

enough. So, I have a whole new contract all drawn up.

Don't ever let it be said I took advantage of one of our brave boys.

Now, Alva, you sign this and I'll give you $4,000 for the rights to go through

your vineyard.

And when he gets out... I'll give him a job at $5,000 a year.

$5,000? Well, you can't do better than that, man. Now, now I leave it to you.

Am I being fair to our war hero or not? Oh, you're being more than fair, Mr.

Struple. My husband should only get a job. My husband should only get a job.

Cousin Lee, tell your husband this is the opportunity of his lifetime.

$5,000 a year, Alva, that's wonderful.

Then you wouldn't have to worry about your grapes anymore.

I appreciate your offer, Mr. Struple, but I'm not going to sign the contract.

But we... I couldn't. Alva.

If you think anything of Lee, of us, you'll sign it. I just won't sign it,

and that's all there is to it.

Come on, Lee. Well, you can't walk out on Mr. Struple now.

Do you know what will happen if you block this spur track?

When our government contracts run out, we won't be able to meet Eastern

competition. We'll have to fire thousands of people, including many of

your cousins right here in this room.

Suddersville will stop growing.

Now, do you want Suddersville to stop growing?

Answer me, yes or no.

I sure do. You sure want this? I love this town the way it used to be, not the

way you want to make it.

And I love this house.

My grandfather lived in it and my father lived in it. And I intend to occupy it

and keep it.

And I'll be darned if I'm going to permit you to lay tracks across my front

yard, move my house and fill my vineyard with your stinking cement and smoke and

noise. I told Lee that he ought to be investigated.

If you turn down this contract, you'll regret it to your dying day.

You won't be able to live in this town when I'm through with you.

I won't, huh?

Now, don't strike me.

I'm essential.

What do you think I should do?

Well, I just can't see what harm there is in signing that contract.

Especially since Mr. Struple is willing to give you twice as much for the rights

as he gave the others.

And $5,000 a year when you get out.

That's a lot of money, Alva.

It's like I thought.

Everything is placed on a dollar and cents value.

Nothing else seems to count anymore.

Moral values, principles, sentiment.

Check them all out for a quick buck.

Now you can see the sort of man you're married to.

He's not only willing to sacrifice himself, but his wife and her whole

family for some silly sentiment.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe your mother's right. Maybe Mr. Struple's right. Maybe everybody's right

and I'm wrong.

Maybe things are moving too fast and I can't keep up with them.

But it seems to me since I've got back, everything's changed.

And changed the way I don't like.

I find my home turned into a hotel.

I find people back here so busy making money and spending it on useless truck.

That they've forgotten what it's like to be human beings.

People are just grabbing whatever they can get.

Things they don't even need.

Like, for instance, that Suttisville squirrel he's got on.

Squirrel? Well, that's all you know about it. That's mink. Pure ranch mink.

I ought to know. I bought it for her.

It was a bonus, Alva. That's what I mean.

I'm old-fashioned enough to think that a husband should do all the buying for his

wife. Even you, Lee, you've changed.

I come home and find you so busy making your $6,000 a year that you haven't even

time to hear if I've got any plans for the future.

Something I might be figuring on us doing.

It's true, isn't it? Did you ever once say to me, Alva, what do you figure on

doing after you get out of the army?

You didn't, did you?

Well, I don't blame you. If anything's to blame, it's the times.

You didn't have a husband around to teach you any better. She had a mother,

and a husband will never take the place of a mother. So you ran with the pack.

I feel real sorry for you, Lee. Real sorry. Sorry for me? I don't need you to

feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you.

In all my born days, I've never met anybody as selfish and as stubborn.

I never thought you'd be this way. If I had, I... Go on, finish it.

I'll finish it for you.

If you had, you wouldn't have married me. Is that what you were going to say?

Well, Al... Well, let's talk about this... I think you've said enough.

Goodbye.

Lee.

Lee, I've never interfered in your life before, but I feel I must now.

You let Alba get away from you, and you'll regret it for the rest of your

life. Regret losing Alba?

Oh, that stubborn, peak-headed, dopey... I hope I never see him again.

Mama was right. I never should have married him. Then you'll end up by

marrying Mr. Struple, a man you don't love.

A man who even I wouldn't marry, and heaven knows I'd marry almost anyone.

But if you want to lead your mama's life instead of your own... What does mama's

life have to do with it? Mama only wants what's best for me.

She may be your mama, but I know her better than you do.

Your mama wants what's best for herself.

And I thought you cared for mama. I do.

But I care for you, too, and that's why I tell you this.

Your mama is a little woman with big ideas. She wants people to look up to

her, to come to her for advice, to control their lives.

That's why she surrounds herself with these fawning relatives who act as if

the world had come to an end if your mother so much as sneezes. You should be

ashamed of yourself talking about it that way. It's a good thing that she

can't hear you with her heart and all.

There's nothing the matter with your mother's heart.

She's healthier than the two of us together. Aunt Elsa, how can you say

that? You know better than anyone how she suffers with those dizzy spells and

then her heart...

Your mama's fainted again.

You see?

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

What happened between you two?

I guess I said a couple of things I shouldn't have.

Maybe that's why I've never been married. I never know enough to keep my

mouth shut.

I agree, Mrs. Kingshead. A girl has a mother, and a husband can never take the

place of a mother.

Shut up.

Especially if the husband stands in the way of progress.

Wise guy.

Galicio.

Down... stay as she goes!

Huh?

Excuse me, Alva, excuse me. Come on in, Will. It's all right. You stay here. I

can sleep in my bar. Good night, Alva. Come on in, Will.

Come on.

Alva. Huh? Where's Lee?

Home.

Home?

Home with her mother.

Oh, you mean she left already?

No, she never came here.

Because she wanted to see both sides.

But I thought you wanted to be alone with her.

I did.

Well, it's a fine way to be alone with a you here, your wife there.

That's where she belongs, Will. Where the mother and her relatives and that

cement mixer Struple, who gave her a Sutterville squirrel.

It'd take me five years and a crop of four billion grapes to pay for. Did you

get in a fight, Alva? No, I just told him what I thought of him and walked

out. Did Struple get tough with you?

Tough with me?

He knew better.

I didn't learn Jew-E-Jit.

Well, I didn't learn that from nothing.

Hey, gee.

Will, why do you wear such big robes? I'll get smaller ones next time.

You see, you're going to sleep here, huh? I'm never going back there.

They can have it all.

The house, the barn, all my grapes, everything.

I hate this town.

And it's all because of that cement plant.

It's moved into the valley, and it's ruined it.

It's changed the nature of everyone here.

It's even taken away my wife, Will.

Can you name a cement plant as a correspondent?

Now, take it easy, Al. Take it easy. Take it easy, you say.

For almost a year, all I've thought about is my wife.

All I can dream and talk about is my wife. And what happens?

I come home floating on air and burning.

A cement plant comes and hits me on the head and takes my wife away from me. I

hate you. I hate you all. You hear me? The lot of you.

You better get some sleep, Alva.

Thank you, Will.

Good night, Lee.

Good night.

Yes, Mr. Struple?

Yes, Mr. Strobel.

Come in, Lanny. Sit here.

Dr. Trotter, this is Mrs. Morrell. How do you do?

Mr. Strobel, don't you feel that?

What? Oh, Dr.

Trotter's a head doctor. A psychiatrist.

And you know my attorney, Mr. Taylor?

Of course. How do you do? How do you do?

Lee, do you know where Alba is?

No. He wasn't home all night.

Well, Lee, what's the matter?

This is true, but Mama went to see her lawyer this morning to have my marriage

annulled. Annulled? Really?

Nothing to cry about. You should be very happy. Herman, look, we can't let her

get her marriage annulled until we get the court ordered.

Really?

Lee, uh...

You can't get the annulment. You just can't. Mama says I can't. Remember I

told you Alva got the chicken pox on our honeymoon?

Well, I'm not referring to the chicken pox, but if you get the annulment now,

Lee, it'll ruin every chance I have to get the rights to put that spur track

through Alva's vineyard. Why?

Because you'll still retain ownership of the property, correct?

Right. You see, Mrs. Burrell, through Dr. Trotter here, we're going to have

your husband declared mentally incompetent. When that happens, the

court will naturally appoint you guardian of the estate.

then you can sign the necessary rights over to Mr. Stroop. Right, after which

you can get the annulment, correct?

Right. And then you and I can, uh... Well, you know, there are many girls in

this town who think I'm quite a catch.

And we can sort of keep the $4,000 I give you right in the family. Just as

simple as that.

Let me understand something.

You want Alva to be declared crazy.

No.

Just erotic, that's all.

You're erotic, Mr. Stroop. You're erotic. All right, all right.

If Alva's been acting funny, it isn't for the reason you think.

And if I'd agree to a thing like you want me to, I'd be crazy. Possible.

And you're even more crazy to think that I'd agree to it. Also possible. I never

in my life have ever heard of anything so low and mean and contemptible. Now,

Lee, listen to me. Now, Lee, yourself, I'm quitting. You can have your job and

your Sutterville squirrel and all your cement.

Why, after this, I wouldn't even use your cement to build a doghouse. You can

get somebody else to hold your phone. Oh, now, wait, wait.

Hello? Yes, Mama?

Thomas to triple what?

Alva's home.

Well, why in the world do I... Lee!

Lee! No more.

After Mother and I get through with her, she'll sign anything I ask. Is her

mother a neurotic, too?

And how.

There isn't a couch big enough that'll hold her.

That's what I thought.

And you won't? You won't fight the annulment?

Huh? Mrs. King said I want that annulment just as much as Lee does.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is your race reporter bringing you the results of the sixth race at

Woodville Park.

Mama!

The winner is Girl in Armor. Second is Mumsy and third is Torch Rose.

The winner, ridden by Crossett, paid $8.80, $4.40 and $3.20.

Mumsy paid $2.80 and $2.20. Torch Rose paid $3.00.

Next results will be broadcast on the hour.

Now we return you...

Alva, Mr. Struple is coming here with his lawyer and a psychiatrist.

They could use a good psychiatrist around this house. But they're coming to

talk to you. They're going to try to make out like you're, you know, touched.

Judging by his actions, that shouldn't be hard to prove.

Mrs. Struple's here! Mrs.

Struple's here!

Oh! Now, don't talk to them. Don't even say hello.

I'd like to talk to them.

A lot of funny things have happened since I've been back. I'd like to find

out whether it's me who's off the beam or everyone else.

Now, Alva, don't let them hear you talk like that or they'll have no trouble

proving it. They want to put you away so that...

It is a surprise.

Hello, Mrs. Kiggs. How do you do?

Hello, Alva. Boy, how are you?

Alva, I want you to meet my attorney, Mr. Taylor. How do you do? And this is

Dr. Trotter. How do you do? I hope you won't mind if Dr. Trotter asks you a few

simple questions for your own good. If you refuse, we'll get a court order. I

wouldn't think of putting you to all that trouble, especially when it's for

my own good.

Gentlemen, shall we go in the living room? Sure. Come on, Alva, boy.

Alva! Listen, Alva!

Seats will be most cooperative, doesn't it?

You want me to lie down, Doc?

Oh, that won't be necessary.

Okay, Doc, shoot. What do you want to ask me?

Tell me, Mr. Morrell, what made you go into the army?

Well, I was sitting around thinking about serving my country. You know how

my country needs me and all that. And while I was sitting around thinking

about it, they came and got me.

I see.

I suppose you went through a tremendous ordeal while overseas.

Yep. Couldn't wait to get back.

Why?

Oh, come now, Doc.

Completely exhausted, I suppose.

Not until I got home. Not until you got home?

Running up and down hills didn't tire me half as much as trying to find a place

to be alone with my wife.

Donovan. Dr. Donovan?

Mr. Burrell, why did you jump out of the bathroom window?

Please, Albert, don't answer that.

It was the only way out.

Wasn't there a door?

I guess so, but I thought it was safer to jump out the window.

You thought it was safer to jump out the window instead of through the door? Yep,

much safer.

But, Alva, why don't... Now, Dr. Trotter, I can explain. Now, please,

Mrs. Murrell, permit your husband to do the explaining.

I understand that you kicked a little boy named Donovan Murray in the pants.

I did.

Why?

Why, you... Donovan, behave yourself. Now, now, please, Dr. Trotter, please.

Oh, forgive me, Mr. Struple. I lost my mind for a minute.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes.

Why did you kick that lip? Please, Dr. Trotter.

Never mind.

Tell me, my boy, do you feel that you are being persecuted?

Mm-hmm. By whom?

By him.

Insisting I sign something I don't want, and he'll give me $4,000 cash and $5,000

a year. This is persecution?

If I don't want it and he insists on it and takes my wife away because of it,

it's persecution.

Mr.

Struple, Mr. Taylor.

Lee.

Yes? Perhaps... next time you listen to your mother marrying a crackpot like

Alva. Alva is not a crackpot. At least he wasn't before he married into this

family. Alva. Yes, Mr. Struple. Dr. Trotter's come to the conclusion that

you're definitely erotic.

Neurotic, Mr. Struple.

Neurotic. That's exactly what I said.

Neurotic. Can I see that contract again?

Oh, yes, the contract.

Alva, borrow your pen.

Certainly, yes. In view of all this, Alva, Dr. Trotter and my attorney, Mr.

Taylor, and myself have decided that we... We've decided that you're not fit

to administer the estate.

Alva, what are you doing? There you are, Mr. Struple. This should settle

everything. Mrs. Kingshead, now you can go ahead with the annulment. Alva, you

must be crazy. You said you'd never sign that contract. I changed my mind.

I'm leaving here anyway, and this is what you and your mama wanted, so you

might as well have it.

Mr. Struple?

You can give the money to leave. I don't want it. I won't take it. Alva, thank

you. Thank you very much. Now I can put that tractor right away. Oh, just a

minute. If Alva is mentally incompetent and therefore not fit to administer the

estate, that contract is invalid.

Mentally incompetent?

Alva? Who says he's mentally incompetent? I do.

Signing that is the dopiest thing I've ever heard of. You'd have to be out of

your mind to sign a thing like that.

Lee, how could you say such a thing to your husband?

Anybody who thinks Alvy is sane is as nutty as a fruitcake.

Lee, be careful of your language. There are gentlemen present.

I'm inclined to agree with the young lady, Mr. Struple. It is my considered

opinion that Mr. Morrell shows definite indications of schizophrenia.

Schizo, schmitzo, what's the difference as long as he's sane?

Oh, fine head doctor he is.

Trying to tell me that a man as intelligent and level-headed as Alva

Morales is off his rocker? But there must be something wrong with Alva. Why,

he's the sanest man I ever met. That boy's got a real head on his shoulders.

Take it from me, he's going places. He certainly is, to a sanitarium, if I have

anything to say about it. Don't argue with Mr. Struple. But there must be

something wrong with Alva. You confirm my opinion, your lady. You keep your two

cents out of this. As a matter of fact, you're fired. What? Go on, get out of

here. Go on back to your couch and lie on it yourself.

Good afternoon.

What's good about it? But Alva said he'd never let them move his house. That his

grandfather lived in it.

father and that he wanted to live in it the same way didn't you alva

Oh, Mr. Struble, won't you stay for tea?

Delighted. I guess I might as well get used to having tea with you and Aunt

Elsa. You have to call me Aunt?

Well, what would you suggest?

Coming from you, kid, it'd sound much better. Elsa.

Oh, Lee, Mr.

Taylor thinks you ought to get your signature on this contract, too.

To make that right-of-way 100% legal.

You're still Elva's wife, you know, although not for long.

Hello? Sign right here. Yes, she's here.

Who?

Will Stubbins?

Excuse me.

Hello, Will.

Alva was just here. He's leaving on the 2 o'clock train. He's going to rejoin

his outfit. I thought you'd like to know. Do you know where he went? He's

down buying his ticket now.

Is he coming back to the apartment? Gee, Lee, I don't know.

I'm sure he's got to. He left his bag up there.

Sure, sure. I'll even put some more bottles on the ice.

Okay, swell. Goodbye.

Thank you, Will.

Lee, Lee, wait a minute. You forgot the contract.

Oh, thank you for reminding me.

Your heart!

Did you forget?

Thank you dear for reminding me.

Delicious!

I'll be right back.

Will?

Will? You home?

Three o'clock.

Hey. Lee, what are you doing here?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I heard you were leaving, and I wanted to say goodbye.

Couldn't you say goodbye at the station?

Not like I can't hear.

Well, it was nice of you to come and say goodbye.

Goodbye. Alva, I want to talk to you.

I'll stand if you don't mind.

But I'll get a stiff neck looking up at you. You don't want me to get a stiff

neck, do you?

All right.

Alva,

do you remember what you said on the honeymoon we didn't have?

No.

What?

To my own true love.

Did... Did I say that?

You certainly did.

I was there and I heard you.

I thought it was the sweetest thing I'd ever heard.

Well, I guess I'd better be going. I want to stop over with Stubbins and say

goodbye. Alva?

Hmm? I have a lot to say to you that I didn't say.

A lot?

Uh-huh.

I'll be right back.

You said you had a lot to say to me? Uh-huh.

Alva, what do you plan to do when you get out of the army?

Oh, I thought I'd get myself a vineyard somewhere just to tide me over while I

go to school nights. I want to study viniculture.

I was always crazy about viniculture. So was I.

I think viniculture is a fascinating subject.

People say there's a great future in it.

Alva, what's viniculture?

Viniculture is the study of grapes so as you can cultivate them properly to get

the best wine. Oh, really?

Isn't that interesting?

I know of a vineyard near here with a great, big, beautiful house.

Of course, right now it's full of people, but I intend to get rid of them.

I intend to get rid of everything that stands between us.

But, but, but, Lee!

You know, you can make $3,000 off that vineyard, Alva. That'd be enough to tide

us over while you're going to night school. But, but... And you don't have

to worry about trains either, Alva, darling.

Because I took the contract from Stroopel. You did?

Uh-huh.

Well, you might as well give it back to him.

My mind's made up. I'm going away.

I'll wait for you to come back, Albert.

I'll be happy to wait for you.

I want to wait for you. And I'll take care of all your grapes while you're

gone. No, Lee, your mother was right about what she said to me. I'm sure she

was wrong, and I don't even know what she said. She said I shouldn't have

married you because you were too young and you didn't know what you wanted.

Well, I'm older now, ten months older.

and i know what i want like nobody's business she said you only married me

because she gets so sentimental over things at the moment i'm very

sentimental terribly sentimental i like to feel sentimental over you she said i

was ruining your chances of marrying a real rich man a man like herman struple

compared to him what kind of a future would you have with me oh boy oh lee i

couldn't ask you to live off my grapes until i got a job at well it wouldn't be

fair but i love I love grapes.

I'm crazy about grapes.

I'd love to eat grapes for the rest of my life if you were there to eat them

with me. And if you wanted to start your own winery, I'd squash them with my bare

feet for you. She also said it wasn't fair for me to marry you and then go off

and leave you while I was cavorting in some foxhole.

Who said?

Your mother said.

What'd she say?

Lee, I don't think you're paying any attention to me.

Well, Alva, darling, I'm paying as much attention as I can.

Only, I don't think you're paying any attention to me.

I never got a chance to pay any attention to you.

What with your relatives, your mother, Mr. Struple and the twins, your mother

on your cousin's side... your cousins on your mother's side and all those people

running around the house. Well, all you had to do was throw them out.

Throw them out?

Mm-hmm.

Your mother, too?

Well, it's your house.

Yes, but you told me your mother wasn't very strong.

Oh, Al, I think right now I feel weaker than she ever did.

You know, this is the first time we've ever been alone.

Except for on our honeymoon.

Yeah, and then I had to get the chicken pox.

You haven't got them now, have you?

Oh, no, I feel fine. Never felt better.

I've got to catch a train. It leaves at... Three.

What time's the next train, Al?

Not until morning.

Oh, not until morning.

Oh, Lee, have a heart.

I'm only human.

Well, for Pete's sake, prove it.