Original subtitles

Is it possible these days to get a sandwich

- that doesn't have goat cheese in it? - What's wrong with goat cheese?

It's tangy, exotic, sexy.

I'm sorry, It's not you, it's me. I think you're boring.

I am not boring.

- What'd you do this weekend? - Never mind.

Weren't you looking at restaurant menus online?

I am very indecisive at restaurants, you know that.

If I don't research menus ahead of time, I freeze when it's time to order

and then when the waiter walks away because I need more time to order,

I die a little inside.

I've got to to find you a date.

I can't stand the thought of you alone.

But it's just so soon.

It's been six months since the divorce. It's been two years since Yasir moved.

Trust me, I know a thing or two about dating.

I have been married four times.

No, why would you nominate us

for Multi Faith Award without even mentioning it first?

I did. I sat right here and I said, "I'm submitting us

"for the Multi Faith Spirit Award."

See, I heard, "Multiuse table saw."

When did you do this?

And by when I mean, "What were you thinking?"

Look, Mercy is a unique place.

We're pioneers of multi faith, and we can inspire others to be the same.

"For your belief that no religion is superior to the others."

I understand the words, but this sentence makes no sense.

I mean, who thinks that every religion is equal?

- Me. - Yes, but you're not normal.

Look at you two. Look how well you guys get along.

We do not get along well, we disagree well.

Yes, the only thing we agree on is that one of us is wrong.

Guys, we are one of the three finalists.

Someone from Toronto is flying in to evaluate us today.

Well, you're just gonna have to tell them that it's a mistake.

Or you could just go along with it.

- Are you suggesting that we lie? - Sin?

No, I'm suggesting you participate in the evaluation.

Boring.

I'm meeting the guy at Fatima's at six o'clock.

All I'm saying is, if you guys came there,

you could see how multi faith you really are.

We are all people of the book,

and our differences are tiny by comparison.

My God, he's naive.

- He's like a brown Jonas brother. - Yeah.

MAN: Here you go.

It's great that you're moving on with your life.

Really? I was so nervous to tell you.

No, if you're ready, I'm ready.

- The important thing is that you're happy. - Yeah.

- So when's your first date? - Tonight.

You don't waste any time.

You've obviously never seen her order off the menu.

So get a website already.

- What? - Nothing.

- Where did you meet this guy? - I haven't, Ann set it up.

Are you sure that's a good idea? You got in a bar fight the last time.

- This is different. Very different. - All right.

Just don't call me when you wake up in a tub with your kidney missing.

No, I'm serious. Don't call me. Call 911. I'll meet you at the hospital.

I still cannot believe that he would nominate us

for an award that flies in the face of everything we don't believe in.

Yeah. Crazy multi faith and it's, "Everybody's right and everybody's equal."

And, "Everybody goes to heaven and $10,000 prize money."

- We don't keep it in the... - Wait, what

- Hey, Fatima. What are the specials? - Goat.

- And? - I do not understand the question.

- You always have the same special. - That is what makes it special.

Actually, specials are supposed to change daily.

Like your clothes or your girlfriend's address.

What do you know about running a restaurant?

Are you kidding? I grew up on them.

My grandfather owned two Jewish delis and an Italian deli.

- Was he Italian or Jewish? - Jewish, but he hated wasting leftovers,

and Italians will eat anything.

So what would you do with my goat curry?

I don't know, reinvent it.

- I'll give you a chance. - Okay.

Let's get started.

- Stop fidgeting. - I can't help it. I'm nervous.

Relax. It's a date, not a breathalyzer.

Don't mention the Muslim thing and you'll be fine.

Why? Because no one in their right mind would date a Muslim?

No. Yes.

I haven't been on a date in over 30 years, you know?

That is so sad. Sorry. What I meant was pathetic.

- You're not helping. - What you need is a practice date.

I meet Steve in an hour. Where do you...

Hey, name's Andy.

I'm a Scorpion, but my zodiac says Libra.

- This is ridiculous, - The only ridiculous thing I see,

is how perfect you look in that dress.

- Please, this old thing? - Old is a dirty word.

I prefer to think of it as classic, timeless.

- Oh, my. - Oh, my indeed.

So what do you do for a living, Andy?

- Please call me Ann. - All right.

- Wait, what? - What do you do for fun, Sarah?

- No, this isn't working. - I have a tingling that says otherwise.

I'm gonna get going.

Call me.

She'll be back.

Are you sure you're not hungry Harry,

'cause flights from Toronto can be doozy.

- No, I'm fine, thank you. - Coffee, dessert, anything?

I wouldn't want this trip not be worth your while.

Why would you say something like that?

Poor hospitality, grumpy townsfolk, AWOL clerics.

I don't know, Harry. Maybe we're not as multi faith as I thought.

I think what Amaar is trying to say

is that he's sorry we're not more multi faith.

We only wish that there were more religions in Mercy.

Yes, you know, Judaism, Buddhism, Shinto, Oprah.

They're all equal to me.

That's a good one. Let me introduce my co applicants.

This is Baber Siddiqui, the imam of the mosque and Reverend William Thorne.

Thorne is such a good Anglican.

We could not have a better Anglican in our happy and tolerant little town.

- Why are you guys laying it on thick? - Well, awards don't win themselves, Amaar.

Steve?

- Sarah? - Steve?

Ann told me you were a looker, but... wow.

- Have you been waiting long? - No, no, Just an hour.

An hour. My goodness. Am I late?

No, no, you're on time.

I came early, in case you got here before I did and decided to leave.

That is so sweet.

No, no, no. I got this. Allow me.

I love you.

You lying about having more religions in Mercy was brilliant.

I cannot believe I kept a straight face. I almost lost it!

I think I'll use my share of money, re-upholstering the prayer kneeler.

I'm so tired looking at those agonized faces.

I know exactly what you mean.

Which is why I'm going to use my money to raise a prayer barrier.

Nice! And to think we almost let ten grand slip through our fingers. Keep the change.

Everything here looks good.

This is one of my favorite menus to download.

- What? - Nothing. I was just making a joke.

Yeah.

That's good.

- Hilarious. - Thank you.

No one's ever said that to me before.

Because no one has ever fully appreciated you before,

and I really... I really appreciate you, Sarah.

We haven't even ordered our appetizers yet.

Just stop it. You're killing me. You're killing me!

We haven't...

Well, Harry, I thought we'd take a tour of the town

and see some of Mercy's religious tolerance in action.

- Sounds great. - Were you gonna start a tour without us?

That's not very inclusive, Amaar.

I didn't realize you wanted to be part of the tour.

Of course, but we also want the tour to be a part of us.

Here's an idea. Why don't we give Harry a tour of the Murch?

That's a mosque and church together.

Sure, great idea. Let's go.

Actually, if it's all the same to you Amaar,

I wouldn't mind a little time alone with your co-applicants.

Yeah. That's great. You can join us later for tea.

- Maybe bring some sweets. - Okay. Any preferences?

Just bring one of everything

the way God intended.

- Write that down. - Interesting.

Don't worry. We got this.

The best meal I ever had was in Roma.

- I've never been. - What?

- We have to go. - To Rome?

- Yeah. - What?

What... What are you doing?

- Looking up plane information. - To go to Rome?

- You want to go somewhere else? - No.

- Magnifico. - Wait, it's a little soon.

- I mean, we only just met. - Just hold on.

I...

You know, I'm Muslim.

Yeah.

- Ann never told me about that. - I'm not surprised.

- It scares a lot of guys off. - Yeah, yeah.

She was probably waiting to give you a chance to get to know me

before the whole Muslim thing reared its ugly head.

- But now that you know. - Yeah, Rome is definitely not happening.

- I figured - We should probably go to Mecca instead.

Okay, give me an example of how you two lived by the principles of multi faith.

Well, so many examples.

Well, do you think we have time to show Harry the thing?

The Bible Quran combo?

We have plenty of time.

Multi time, if you will.

- I think that's good. - Good, good.

The book idea is very interesting. Perhaps you could tell me about it.

You know, it's just one of the many multi faith side projects we've got going.

You know, very early days.

We're thinking of calling it the The Bible-ran.

Or The Quaranble?

Well, it's a working title.

I find it interesting that the mosque is inside the church

and not the other way around.

No, it's simply because the church came first.

You mean built first?

Yes, yes. But also historically speaking, the church was first.

Saying the church came first seems to indicate a kind of hierarchy.

The church coming first allowed us

to learn from its many mistakes, of which they were very many.

- Yeah, I wouldn't call them mistakes. - Colossal failures, then?

Why don't we just let he who is without sin start the Jihad?

Or burn the first witch?

Yes, this coming from a man who wanted to use barbed wire as a prayer barrier.

That is only because I could not afford electrical fencing.

- Extremist! Rug ruder! - Infidel! Bible-thumper!

You know what? I want to cut to the chase.

- I... - Wow.

I'm wanna ask you out again.

But there's something I need to tell you.

And, it's not easy for me.

Don't be nervous.

- Really? - No, I'm sure whatever it is,

- we can deal with it. - Okay.

Unless, of course, we can't.

And we have to end this before it ever really even started.

- Which was highly likely. - I have two daughters.

- And? - And they're dying to meet you.

- Well... - Girls, come here.

What?

Surprise!

Candace, Janice, this is Sarah.

Big family picture. Family picture.

Okay, closer together.

Here we go. Big smiles.

My girls.

You're going out again. That's wonderful.

He invited me in front of his daughters. I had no choice.

I'm glad things are working out.

- Are you even listening to me? - More no than yes.

How on earth do you even know this guy?

Do you know about the prison pen pal program?

He was in prison?

- Who? - Steve.

- Are we still talking about him? - Yes!

Okay, I guess we'll talk about my stuff later.

You didn't answer me. How do you know this guy?

Well, he did some landscaping for me a couple of years ago.

Most boring man I ever met.

- Why did you set me up with him? - Most boring man I ever met?

How am I going to get out of this?

- Just tell him you're not interested. - I can't do that. I've met his daughters.

Well, then be a bad date. Be mean to the waiter or something.

I can't do that.

Then I hope your old wedding dress still fits.

- Well? - Don't rush him.

Love it!

Savory goat against the sweet halibut is a symphony of flavor.

- It is a winner. - Absolutely.

- Do you have a name for this little baby? - Yeah, I'm thinking the "Natewich."

Not a chance. My food, my restaurant. We are naming it after me.

It will be called the "Fatwich."

- You're naming it after yourself? - Of course.

- And you're going with Fatwich? - Yes.

Maybe you want to repeat that a few times in your head. See if it sounds...

There you go.

Well, we could tell Amaar the truth.

Yes. So sorry, Amaar.

But Harry has eliminated all of us from the multi faith contest

and the chance of $10,000, because we could not contain

our hatred for each other's religion.

- I know exactly what we have to do. - What?

Whoa!

- Assalamu alaikum. - Walaikum assalam.

What happened last night? I came by the mosque and you were gone.

I'm so sorry, brother Amaar. Harry was tired and so were we.

This multi faith stuff is exhausting.

- Okay, Baber, I got to go. - Wait.

You will not believe what happened last night.

Harry declared us early winners.

- Better. - What could be better than that?

A salami cake bun, brother Amaar.

- Hey. - Hey. Is it laundry day?

Yeah, well, I figured, second date, I might as well show you the real me.

- This is the real you? - Yup.

I wish you would've told me sooner, but...

- Does it bother you? - It actually baffles me, to be honest.

I don't know how you know that...

I have a thing for track pants.

A thing? What thing?

Just the sight of a woman in track pants makes my head just...

- Good Lord. - Anything in a track suit, actually.

You could put a zebra in a track suit, I wouldn't care.

I mean, those things, they just work.

- I hate movies. - Please don't get me started.

I don't know how anybody could not hate movies.

As long as I have track pants, I don't need much else,

which is why we are so perfect for each other.

- Hey! - Hey, hey!

Why don't you watch what you're doing?

- I am so sorry. - You're lucky you're so...

Adorable.

- What's your name? - Tommy. Tom.

Well, Tommy-Tom, I just hope the specials are as pleasing to the eye as you are.

I'll... I'll be right back with a cloth to clean that up.

- Hurry back! - Sarah, are you...

- Are you feeling okay? - Great. Never felt better.

Wow!

He is not professional.

Okay, guys. Where's Harry, and what's really going on?

What does it look like? Brother Thorne has finally seen the light.

Seen it, bathed in it, bought the beanie.

- Topi. - Topi, right.

It's actually a long time coming.

- Really? - Sure?

Yeah. Cool hats, pajamas, prayer barriers. Fatima.

Not to mention the whole 72 virgins thing.

Okay, if Baber said that was in the Quran, he's wrong.

Well, even better. It actually sounded like a lot of work.

- Subhan Allah, it's happy days. - Subs and falafels. Good times.

Actually, not entirely good.

Why? Whatever do you mean?

Well, now that I'm Muslim,

we don't qualify as multi faith, which means we can't win that award,

which is totally meaningless and irrelevant.

- Who cares about a foolish award anyway? - Not this Muslim.

- Punch it. - Guys, I'm not buying any of this.

- What's really going on? - It was his idea.

So Tommy-Tom, tell me, what else did you do

when you're not flashing those dimples around here?

I am just finishing up a degree in hospitality management.

- Wow! - Hope to open my own restaurant one day.

Well, you should call it Dimples and Dumplings

and reserve a permanent table for me.

That would be very nice of you. And great for business.

So would walking around shirtless.

- Okay, I'll go check on your entrees. - Okay.

- Where you going? - I've had enough of this.

- The nerve of some people. - I know. You're right.

I am so sorry.

- Apology not accepted. - I understand.

- Especially since it's not your fault. - It isn't?

The perv has been all over you.

- Everything okay here? - Yeah, everything's fine.

No, everything is not fine.

You know that one of your waiters is a sex-crazed maniac?

That little pervert right there,

has been all over my date since we got here.

- Is this true, Tom? - No, I... was flirting with you

because I'm too scared to break up with you.

- Again? - Ouch.

I'm sorry, Steve. I'm not very good at this kind of thing.

- Sarah, I don't know what to say. - Well, me neither.

Obviously, we need couples counselling.

Sit down, Steve. We need to talk.

Harry! Harry! Thank God I caught up to you.

- I wanted to speak to you before you left. - Don't bother, Amaar, you're too late.

I've sent in my evaluation to head office.

I can't in good conscience recommend you three for this award.

- Sorry, my hands are tied. - I understand. I get it.

You're just doing your job.

Listen, don't beat yourself up about this. Well, who knows?

Maybe those two knuckleheads will come around for next year.

- I doubt that. - Me too.

In the meantime, go easy on them.

Don't rub this award on their faces when you win it.

When I win it? But you said you couldn't recommend us.

I can't.

So I recommended you instead.

But Harry, I'm only one person, one faith.

But Mercy is everything that multi faith is meant to be.

And as far as I can tell, it's you're doing.

Wow. Thank you, Harry.

The fact you still believe in multi faith after putting up with those two idiots,

well, that's just a miracle.

- Stupid multi faith. - I don't care what Harry or Amaar say.

Some things are not meant to be together.

- Divided we stand, united we fall. - Yes.

- This is divine. - It's heavenly.

I'm glad you like it.

We're thinking of making it a permanent item.

- We? - Yeah. We came up with it together.

What do you call it?

- The Halal Challa... - Halla Hoagie.

- The marriage of halal and kosher food. - Together at last.

Stupid multi faith.

RAYYAN: Mom, aren't you joining us for lunch?

No, no, I'm meeting somebody else, actually.

- Hey, Tommy Tom! - Hey.

Tommy Tom?

Congratulations Rayyan, you've got the brother you always wanted.

He's not a date. He's a client.

Hi. Tommy Tom liked my idea for a restaurant,

so I'm doing his PR. It's called Dimples and Dumplings.

So I meant to ask you, what are you going to do

with that award money?

I am going to donate it to the mosque and the church,

of course, anonymously.

Our new soft carpets are much nicer than a prayer barrier.

Yeah, well, I guarantee you haven't felt a softer kneeler than this one.

Go on. Give it a test drive.

Yep.

That...

You're right. It is very soft.

But why do you call it a kneeler?

It's... it's not important.