Original subtitles

Oh.

Are you finished eating?

Because we have something very important to ask when you're done.

Ah, not quite done.

Good, because there is an opening on the mosque board.

- And we think you should take it. - Me?

What about you?

Mufeeda cannot be on the board. She does not have the people skills.

She can say the most insensitive things and not even know it.

You should do it.

You are the first lady of the mosque.

Like Michelle Obama.

- You even have the triceps. - Oh.

Ridiculous. A woman on the board?

- It is un-Islamic. - Where does it say that?

Right here. A man should be the next board member.

- And, in fact, that man should be me. - You're already on the board.

What law says that one man cannot be two members of the same board?

The law of common sense.

You're right, it would be ridiculous.

Astaghfirullah, I fought the law and the law won.

Ladies, I don't know if I've enough time to be on the board.

You're right. You don't. Glad you see it's impossible.

Impossible? Well, that sounds like a challenge.

A challenge you clearly are not up to.

Well, that really sounds like a challenge.

It's not a challenge.

- Don't do it. - You're telling me not to do it?

Fine, I accept your challenge.

Dealing with that woman is always a challenge.

Sarah Hamoudi, lovely as ever.

- How are you? - Okay, I guess.

A little lonely, with Yasir gone.

But I've been doing more quilting to help with the lonely nights.

Woah, Ms. Lonely Nights, I was being polite.

I thought you'd just say fine and ask me how I'm doing.

- How are you doing? - Glad you asked.

- Tea? - Why not?

I am bored. Bored, bored, boredy-bored.

- Little milk in there, please. - Yes. That's too bad.

Yes, it's Amaar, he's always off with that woman.

- My daughter? - Well, I don't blame you,

it's just I have no one to play basketball with.

- Don't you have a new girlfriend? - Who, Rose?

The slam dunk queen of Mercy High? No, thank you. But, thank you.

And besides, she's working all the time, you know, which is boring.

Well, maybe she can help you connect with some of Mercy's other great people.

Like who? Fred? Nate? Joe?

The shop teacher with a wooden hand?

There's more to Mercy than that.

- Whom? - MRS. WISPINSKI: Sarah.

Thank you so much for that wonderful garage.

Alvin just loves being out there.

And I love having him out there.

Uh, Mrs. Wispinski, you look lovely today. Is that a new dress, hm?

Leave your hair, it's like a waterfall of caramel.

- It's the same as everyday. - Yet, you make the everyday magical.

- Oh, brother. - What?

I think I know why you're not connecting.

- It's jealousy, isn't it? - No.

They don't trust you because you're a smooth talking phony.

I don't know what else to do.

Look, you're friends with everyone. What's your secret?

There's no secret, I'm just being myself.

Being honest, that's how you build relationships.

So, that's it. Well, look out, Mercy.

From now on, I'm just gonna be myself.

No, no, don't be yourself. No, no, be myself!

Amaar, I wanna ask you a question.

So, you know how the ladies in the mosque sort of think of me as Michelle Obama?

No, but go on.

- They want me to join the mosque board. - The board?

- You hate the idea. - No, no,

it's been kind of tough filling the post.

I don't know if you notice, but I've a few ideas

- about how the mosque should be run. - You hide it well.

- Let's do it. - Really?

Yeah, I'm just disappointed I didn't think of it first.

I am disappointed that you even thought of that at all.

This is a private conversation.

Baber, you know we need a new member on the board.

A new male board member.

And I happen to know someone who's interested.

- You do? - Really?

Because Rayyan is the only person in town who's the slightest shown interest.

But this person is not from town.

Your mosque is a disgrace. Full of terrible Muslims, like this man.

- Suhail. - You should make him a board member.

You wanna nominate someone that hates you.

- But at least he's not a woman. - I am a man.

- You have to choose me. - No, not true.

Yes, it's true, he's a man, take a look at his beard.

He's not even from town, you have to choose me.

Look, favoring my fiancée would be a conflict of interest.

The rest of the board would be afraid to disagree with you.

I can't, in good conscience, abuse my power like that.

So, the men win.

- No. - So, I win?

No, we're gonna have an election. Let the people decide who wins.

So, the men will decide and Suhail wins.

Uh, the people include women.

Why do I keep forgetting that?

Oh, Reverend, about what I said earlier...

I took it to heart.

No, that's actually what I'm worried about. Maybe I was wrong.

No, no, no, if I want people's trust, I need to earn it.

- So, from now on, honesty is... - The best policy.

Yes, I like that. It's catchy.

Ah, giving away kittens.

- Mr. Boots had a litter. - Mr. Boots?

Yes, well, Alvin thought he was a boy.

- Ah, so, how does he explain the kittens? - He's stubborn.

Oh, would you like one? They're ever so fluffy.

Oh, what a generous offer? I'd love one.

But, to be honest...

- Oh, no. - ...I hate cats.

How can anyone hate cats?

Perhaps, it's how they scrape their bodies clean with their own tongue?

Or that five out of six of their ends are pointy,

or the total disdain for humanity.

All I know is that a world without cats would be a paradise indeed.

Okay. Can I borrow him for just a minute?

- You can have him. - Yeah.

What? I was just being honest.

Is it a crime to hate cats? Smelly, hateful cats?

Maybe we should connect with people who don't already know you.

Yeah, but where are we gonna find people who...

Hello.

"Life's a stitch." This is perfect.

- You wanna come to my quilting group? - Love to.

This is the perfect place to hone the new Thorne, without any risk.

If I offend them, who gets hurt? No one, only them.

But they're my friends.

Well, not for long. Soon they'll be mine.

Meow.

This brings to our board election.

So, I'd like to invite up brother Suhail to describe his platform.

Hello, I'm Suhail.

Your mosque is ridiculous.

The barrier is insufficient.

We should have a wall to keep all of the immodest women out of sight.

And in conclusion, you are all terrible Muslims.

That is my platform. Thank you.

Thank you, brother Suhail.

And now, sister Rayyan.

And women should not be allowed to speak in the mosque.

Hello.

Um, you all know me.

I only want what's fair.

All Muslims should be treated with due respect.

Just as the Prophet, peace be upon him, enjoined upon us.

Um, I live here, I know this community

and, uh, I want what's best for us.

So, thank you.

She's a woman, ignore the woman.

Thank you.

Astaghfirullah, I demand a recount.

Look, I counted the ballots three times,

and without a doubt, Rayyan won by two votes.

Did you hear that? My daughter is a winner.

The first woman to be elected to the Mercy Mosque board.

This is terrible.

I should have won easily with all of the men's votes.

I was so confident in your victory, didn't even bother to vote.

Neither did I.

I'm beginning to see the problem.

- Terribly sorry, brother Suhail. - You are terribly everything.

I cannot believe your board allows elections.

- Well, it's the fair way to do it. - Which is exactly the problem with it.

Elections should be forbidden.

Forbidden? Why didn't I think of that?

- Excellent stitching, Sarah. - Really? You think so?

I've been working on my stitching.

I thought it looks like some good stitching.

But to hear you say it, I mean, thank you.

What is wrong with you?

This group's very important to me, okay? So, just watch what you say.

Hey, you have nothing to worry about.

See, Kevin in his cave, that stings.

What a hateful hobby.

I mean, what fun. Good times.

Are you an avid quilter, Reverend?

Well, I wouldn't say avid, but, uh, no.

What gave it away?

You have sewn the panel to your jacket.

Yeah, I'm just delightful.

- Did everyone see Ms. Jones' new hat? - No.

Did I? I thought birds sat on her head and built a nest.

Reverend.

- That's not what I meant. - You said it.

It's like there's a cake on top of her hat.

- It's better than Mrs. Douglas' new shawl. - Is that a shawl?

I thought she was wearing the carpet.

I didn't know it was Mrs. Douglas.

I thought someone had built a tent in my back pew.

Reverend, you are a breath of fresh air.

Does anyone wanna see my stitching?

- THORNE: No, not really. - Hmm.

Silence, we are reading.

I can see that. But I need to do some work for the IAI.

- Well, we won't keep you. - Is that the mosque constitution?

I am reacquainting myself with the wisdom of our founding fathers

who drew up this document, when they created this great institution.

Didn't you and a bunch of guys write that six years ago?

Like, I said, wise founding fathers and Faisal.

Why are you reading it now?

We are looking for a clause that forbids elections.

- BABER: A-ha! - A-ha!

- "No one maybe elected to the board..." - I'm in.

- "...Who does not reside in Mercy". - I'm out.

He will be missed.

- Great, now, if we're done here... - You're not.

- You won't go. - I will,

to tell Rayyan that she cannot be a member of the board.

Baber, everybody knows Rayyan is a resident of Mercy.

Yes, but she is also a woman.

And this clause says that only men can be members of the board.

I am a wise founding father.

No, no, it's lovely and it takes a certain confidence

to wear a brooch that you can see from outer space.

This has been wonderful.

I am so glad that you have gotten into the spirit

of our little stitch and bitch.

Ms. Harper, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I think so.

Is it about Mrs. Drone's unibrow?

- No, it's not about the caterpillar. - Ooh.

We are finishing a very big project.

And we have one more panel to sew for this project.

Don't say anything else.

- Thank you so... - Reverend,

would you like to sew the final panel in our centennial quilt?

- Him? What about me? - Yeah, what about Sarah?

Sarah doesn't mind, do you?

- My stitches. - Good, it's settled.

Enjoy your panel, Reverend.

That is, unless you're too busy drowning in cheap aftershave.

Yeah, I'll drown you.

I'm surprised you can smell it

over the stench of the discount popper in your purse.

Wow, those women are tough, mean and have tongues that cut like razors.

- I know. - I love 'em.

I finally found people I belong with.

My people. It's all thanks to you.

Good for you.

There you are. There is something that I have to tell you.

I hope it's the time of the next board meeting.

No one sent me a schedule.

Here's a schedule. Never.

I don't ever want you coming by the mosque board ever.

I know you don't. But I was elected.

It is not allowed, it says so in the mosque constitution.

"Women may not be members of the board."

But that's unfair, it's unjust.

That's unfortunate. Men rule.

Amaar will never stand for this.

He would not allow such a clearly sexist policy in his mosque.

It's not my mosque.

It's the community's.

But, but you're the imam. It's your job.

To uphold the wishes of the community.

And the community drew up this constitution.

I'm sorry, Rayyan. You cannot be a member of the board.

I can't believe this.

Hey, you might remember me as the imam who said you couldn't be on the board.

Oh, yes, now I recognize you.

Rayyan, I'm really sorry,

it's just that those are the board's rules.

Right, and rules are rules.

They can never change.

Yes, rules can change.

But it's not my job to dictate change at the mosque.

It's my job to explain Allah's rules to them.

And their rules to each other, even if I don't believe in those rules.

That's convenient.

- You're mad. - No, I'm not mad.

- You're not? - No.

You're the imam, you can do whatever you like.

Okay, you sound mad.

No, I just... I didn't know that you were so conservative.

Follow every rule, no matter what.

But now that I do, now that I do,

I'm preparing to be the perfect wife for you.

- Okay, you're definitely mad - No, I'm not mad.

- Well, what are you doing? - I'm sitting down.

- With a woman? In a public place? - Is that suddenly a problem?

Well, an imam as conservative as you,

shouldn't be seen gallivanting with an unmarried woman.

You know I'm not a conservative. And who's gallivanting?

You're my fiancée.

If you'll excuse me.

As a modest Muslim woman,

I should go and spare us both further disgrace.

Yep, she's definitely mad.

Thank you. So nice of you.

Ladies, you came to my service.

- That was quite the sermon, Reverend. - Well...

Especially for a know-it-all blowhard like you.

Ladies, is that any way to talk about a man of God?

Gotcha.

All right, here's the thing. I... I love your little group.

And we're so very fond of you, too.

Well... But about my part of the quilt,

I've been thinking, and I'm not really sure about the...

Ladies.

- Reverend. - Hi.

What's... What was that?

- Water under the bridge. - Oh.

Few years ago, we offered Wispinski a chance to do a panel in our quilt.

She said she'd do it.

And at the last minute, she turned us down.

- THORNE: Oh. - Us.

I see...

When someone takes an honor like that and then throws it back in your face...

- I'm sure she didn't mean... - ...It's too much.

And that's why she's dead to us.

So, what was it that you wanted to talk to us about?

Did, uh... Nothing.

- No, nothing, no. - Oh.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some quilting to do.

- Yes, you do. - Get out of here, you troublemakers.

- Come along, ladies. - Go on, go on.

Giddy up.

THORNE: Amaar, quick question.

How do I tell a group of women

something they won't wanna hear without making them angry?

If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be in trouble with Rayyan.

- Oh, the board? - Yeah, the board.

You're making too big of a deal of that.

- Am I? - Yeah.

Wow, thanks for that. I don't know why was I so worried?

No, look, Rayyan just wants to feel involved.

So, being a board member didn't work,

just find something else for her to help with.

- Well, I guess that's worth a try. - Amaar.

I do sometimes know the right thing to do.

- Then why don't you do it? - I'm working on it.

Now, look, I need your help on a much bigger problem here.

Uh, uh... Okay, shoot.

Well, I like the ladies in my quilting circle.

But I can't abide quilting.

How do I break it to them?

How is that a bigger problem than me fighting with my fiancée?

Easy, it's about me.

- As-salamu alaykum, Rayyan. - Walaikum assalam.

Uh, glad I ran into you. I could use your help with something.

- Oh, really? - Something to do with the mosque.

Something important?

Well, you could consider every little detail important.

Well, okay then.

What do you think? Uh...

Robin's egg blue or goldenrod?

This is what you want my help with? Picking flyer colors?

- I know. - That is so insulting.

After I was legitimately elected to the board.

- In violation of mosque rules - Well, those rules need to change.

Yes, but there are rules on how to change rules.

- You're unbelievable. - I'm the imam, Rayyan.

And I have to do my job whether I'm popular or not.

Well, you're not. You're so very not.

Sarah, quilting away, I see.

Not that it matters.

Since there's no room on the centennial quilt anymore.

Right, sorry about that. Very sorry, as it turns out.

Well, it's not your fault.

It was just nice to be part of something, especially with Yasir gone.

Hm, hey, what if there's a way I could help you be a part of the quilt after all?

So, you're gonna back out and give your spot to me?

No, of course not.

- The ladies would hate me. - Then what?

Well, I was thinking that maybe you could make my panel for me.

See that way, you'd be a part of the quilt,

and I get all the credit and adulation.

- That sounds like a good deal. - Really?

Of course not. Do it yourself.

Yeah, but I'm really bad at it.

And I hate doing things I'm not immediately good at.

It's one of my favorite qualities about myself.

This is a community quilt.

It's supposed to represent the people who made it.

It's gonna reflect you. You've gotta do it.

There's no other option?

Unless someone does it,

who knows you as well as you know yourself.

Hmm.

Imam, just in time for our board meeting.

Well, I'm sorry, Baber, gentlemen.

We can't have a meeting without a quorum that can't be without a new board member.

But we have a new board member, Yousef.

Yousef. Yousef on board.

Not board, but board.

Well, I guess we can do it.

Yes, an all-male board, just as it says in the rules

- which were made by an all-male board. - True, gentlemen.

The board does make all the rules.

So, perhaps it's time to review them.

Okay.

THORNE: Look at this.

Dignified, classic, exactly what I would make.

If you were a terrible quilter with no depth perception.

Exactly. You know, I owe you a first-class night out.

Making you waste your day on a hateful pastime

that only an imbecile could enjoy.

- I love sewing. - Yes, well, who wouldn't?

I mean, sure, it seems monotonous, painful, soul-destroying,

but well, what do you get in the end? A glorified blanket, yes?

I mean, you can't get that at Walmart for $19.99.

Don't you think it's a little more than that?

No. Do you?

Not really. But I think she does.

Who?

Oh.

- How much did she hear? - Enough.

You heard the bit about the imbecile.

- I heard it all. - Ah!

And Reverend, if that is the way you really feel,

not to worry, you're never welcome in our group again.

Rayyan, we've got to talk.

What you doing?

I thought a conservative like you would be more comfortable

if I was three steps behind. Should I avert my eyes as well?

- Rayyan, this has got to stop. - Okay, whatever you say, you're the man.

Look, you cannot get upset every time I do what's required of me.

Even if you disagree.

I cannot have my board members behaving this way.

Well, you know, honestly, I've really been trying... Wait.

- Did you say board member? - That's right.

You were elected fair and square.

- But the rule... - Has changed.

The board passed a new rule by one vote.

Yousef broke the tie.

Enough men had thought that what happened to you was unfair,

that we squeaked by with a change. So, now, women are allowed on the board.

Well, I'm sure somebody made a pretty good speech

to help them change their minds.

I may have said a word or two.

- I'm impressed. - I'm just doing my job, ma'am.

Now, you wanted to see some changes at the mosque,

so if you wanna talk about those in my office.

Oh, I don't think we should be alone together.

Come on, Rayyan, you know I said

there's nothing wrong with us talking together.

There is when I feel as strongly about you as I do right now.

Ah.

Well, now that Reverend Sourpuss has bit the dust,

I suppose we will have to let your panel back in the quilt after all, Sarah.

So, I'm just your backup choice.

Because I'm okay with that.

Don't worry, I'll go. I just...

I just wanted to drop this off.

It's... It's a dove, but... No.

Anyway, I, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what I said earlier.

But it's true. I don't like quilting, yet.

But I love all of you.

And I know, given time, that I could learn to love quilting, too.

No? I'll just go.

Oh, get back in here.

Yeah? I'm back in the group?

It's wonderful. What about my panel, hmm? Is it back in the quilt?

Are you kidding?

Sarah's panel is beautiful.

This looks like it was made by a near-sighted four-year-old.

Ah, it's good to be back.