Original subtitles

Assalamu alaikum, Faisal. You're up early?

Walaikum assalam. No point in staying in bed all day.

The only thing there is my wife.

I'm sensing some trouble at home?

You're sensing right.

You know how some people always criticize everything you do?

- I hate that. - So does Mufeeda.

But how will she change if I do not criticize?

Faisal, everyone has their faults.

The secret is learning to accept them.

So... You see her faults too. Good. I'll tell her.

Look, marriage is about accepting your partner for who they really are.

Hm, that is easy for you to say.

You are so blinded by love, you cannot even see Rayyan's faults.

And they are obvious.

Rayyan is not perfect, but I wouldn't call them faults.

They're more like quirks.

What about her laugh that sounds like hiccups?

Actually, that laugh is pretty cute.

Or when her face turns red trying to win an argument?

Come on, everybody loves red-faced Rayyan.

So you've not even stated one fault?

Well ...

Sometimes she... hogs the remote.

Rayyan is a remote hogger? Really?

- On occasions... - Intolerable!

Mufeeda would never do such a thing. And she's a terrible wife.

Rayyan is a monster.

Woah, let's slow down.

Rayyan is not a monster because she sometimes hogs the remote.

- Rayyan hogs the remote? - Hmm.

This relationship is doomed.

- Oh. - How is the oatmeal?

Mufeeda's is better.

She's an excellent cook. I should tell her more often.

Thanks, Amaar.

Anytime.

Anytime.

THORNE: I lured you right into my trap.

You are three moves away from total annihilation.

Checkmate.

Oh, you're lucky that it didn't go two more moves.

- Hi, Reverend. - Rayyan, lovely as ever, I see.

Are you sure I can't talk you out of settling for this monk, hm?

It's never late to convert.

She'd rather be with a man who knows how to play chess.

Oh-ho.

But if I'm ever in the market

for a self-centered egomaniac, I'll call you.

I'm in the book.

Oh, thank you. I have had such a day.

Two stomach flus, one earache and a trip to the old folks' home

because Mrs. Thomas thought her cat looked sad.

- Didn't she have her cat stuffed? - Yes.

I gave it a shot anyway. It can't hurt, right?

Oh, I really need a relaxing TV night with you.

Just be sure you bring your own clicker, Amaar.

I don't get it.

Uh...

No, it's... It's just that a word is out that you, uh...

Like to hog the clicker.

You, little clicker-hog, you...

Oink, oink. Click, click.

No?

Look at the time. I am late for services.

- It's Saturday. - Yeah, I'm very late.

How did he know about the clicker?

Eh, he must have talked to Faisal.

How does Faisal know?

Because I was counseling him and, uh...

- Complaining about me? - No! Not complaining.

He was complaining about Mufeeda

and I used you as an example on how to accept

other people's... "Faults."

My "faults"? You're the one who clicks too slow.

If I'm a clicker-hog, you're a clicker-sloth.

It didn't seem like a big deal.

In future, don't tell stories about me. It makes me look bossy.

Are you ordering me to not tell people you're bossy?

Because I can do that.

Oh.

This is your fifth refill. Have you no shame?

I'm sorry. It's been a slow work week.

You have managed to drive your husband's business into the ground.

I'm not driving it into the ground.

In fact, I just got a voicemail from Odena.

Someone named Suhail is looking for a contractor.

Suhail, the ultraconservative Muslim?

You know him? Can you put in a good word for me?

He does not talk to women.

Aw, is he shy?

Suhail will not do business with anyone but a man.

But that's not fair. How am I going to get him to hire me?

Easy. You can't. Not as long as you're a woman.

A-ha.

But... If I were a man...

Baber, just the man I need.

Sister Sarah, this is most inappropriate.

You are a married woman, and I am an eligible bachelor.

Not going to happen.

Firstly, ew.

Secondly, that is the most sexist thing I've ever heard.

Which makes you the perfect man for the job.

Well, I'm a perfect man, but I do not need a job.

Oh, but it's not a real job.

I need a fake job even less.

You get to pretend to be the boss of Hamoudi Construction.

Aren't you pretending to be the boss?

Oh, this is important.

Yasir trusted me to keep the place going.

You're wasting your breath. Why would I ever do this?

You get to look like a big man to a conservative in Odena...

You had me at "big man."

Oh, oops.

THORNE: Amaar?

Ah, hey, look. I'm sorry for spilling the beans there.

Did you, uh... get in trouble?

I'm an adult. I don't get in trouble.

Yikes. That bad, huh?

Na, she was right. I should've known. Next time I'll just share positive things.

That'll keep you fairly quiet.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, she's bossy, opinionated, pushy. Jump in any time here.

That's not true. She's sweet.

- She's sensitive. - Sensitive?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I... I get... I get it.

Uh, yeah, she's sensitive and gentle.

She's watching us, isn't she?

- Ha, ha. - Where is she?

No, it's true. She is sensitive.

She even cries at Tim Hortons commercials.

- She does? - Like a baby.

She's a sucker for feel-good moments.

- I didn't know that. - It's one of my favorite things about her.

Well, that's the kind of thing that you should share.

You're right.

Uh, speaking of sharing, you gonna have that pudding cup?

- No. Knock yourself out. - Great.

- Wait a second. - Yeah.

Was this conversation so you could get the pudding?

Well, I wanted the apple, but you're fast.

All you have to do is pretend to be my boss. All you have to do is pretend to be my boss.

Then I'll step in as your employee.

- You mean secretary? - Well, I wouldn't...

As your fake boss, I am liking this so far.

Then we need an invitation to the site, and that's where we make our bid.

- Got it. We need to go to the site. - No.

- Just one of us is going. - So, I go?

- You stay here. - With you?

No, I'm going.

- So I stay here? - Yes.

- With him? - No, he's coming with me.

- So we're all going together. - No.

I'm so confused. This is no way to run business.

It's not your business.

And it will not be for long if I continue to run it like this.

I want to know, when do I get to look like the big man?

Hello?

I'm Suhail. I'm looking for a Baber.

Why would you be looking for me?

Perhaps because you are the big man.

Oh, Yes, ah, Suhail.

Of course, I am the boss, Baber.

I am the big boss of this whole company that I'm the boss of...

Assalamu alaikum. We should talk business.

Walaikum assalam. Yes, business.

And what better way to start than with a tour of the site?

Who are you and why are you talking?

I'm Siddiqui's employee.

You mean secretary?

Well, I wouldn't.

Ah, that explains why you are here.

But it does not explain why you're walking around naked!

I'm not naked. This is three-quarter sleeves!

They're one-quarter too short.

Can we just talk about the job?

If by "we," you mean the men, yes.

You may sit there and say nothing.

- But... Um. - Sit!

I think it's going very well.

What are these for?

I was going to turn on the radio.

If a Tim Hortons commercial comes on,

I don't want you leaking all over my clean counters.

I only cried during the TV ones. Hey!

So, it is true.

- I'm not saying. - You just did.

Fine, but those are really good commercials.

How about the one where the kid scores the winning goal?

And then he looks at his dad, and he's so proud.

It is worse than I was told.

Well, who told you?

It is un-Islamic to pass on stories about other people.

It was Amaar.

It is perfectly Islamic to guess.

Hi. Have you seen Amaar?

Amaar, the Imam?

- Yes. - Have you tried looking in the 200s?

Sorry?

Religious studies.

Oh, Little Dewey Decimal joke.

- He's over there, in periodicals. - Thanks.

- Amaar, Assalamu alaikum. - Walaikum assalam.

What are you doing?

You told people that I cry during commercials

after I specifically asked you not to talk about me.

But I was telling them good things.

Good things that only you know... For a reason.

I'm a private person, and if we're getting married,

I need to know that things between us stay between us.

You're right.

I promise. I will not talk about you anymore.

Thank you.

Amaar, this is a library.

Not a place for your chitter-chatter.

I have told you to stop shushing people.

- Ah. - We don't mind talking here.

And if you have a problem, you can go to the quiet room.

I will be good.

She scares me.

You and Rayyan must have been having a terrible fight to be so noisy.

We are not having a fight.

Rayyan just made it clear that she hates when I talk about her.

You two almost make my marriage seem not dysfunctional.

Wait until I tell Mufeeda. Rayyan forbids you from speaking.

You are not telling Mufeeda. You are not telling anyone anything.

Okay, you! Go to the quiet room.

Sorry.

And that is how I saved this town from the terrible Anglican.

Another wonderful story, brother Baber.

You are truly a conservative after my own heart.

Yes, I am impressive.

You know what's impressive?

Hamoudi Construction's track record.

I suppose this rude woman is right. We should talk business.

Have you had any experience with greenhouses?

- Yes. - Yes, of course.

We can paint it any color that you want. Hm.

My favorite are blue houses.

Boss, I think he means a nursery.

Oh, a baby? Congratulations. I hope it is a boy.

Oh, Baber, you kidder,

you're making us sound so unqualified we wouldn't know what a greenhouse was.

For the last time, I'm talking to your boss, not you.

Yes, but...

Women should be seen and not heard and rarely seen.

Don't you have cookies to bake?

- I didn't know you're making cookies. - I'm not.

What good are you?

- Well... - I will answer.

No good!

BABER: Suhail...

Perhaps that's a little bit too harsh.

So... You approve of her behavior?

Perhaps, you're not the conservative bigwig I thought.

What? I am the biggest of all wigs.

And Sarah is my lowly secretary.

Go get his coffee, secretary.

You want me to go?

- Obviously. - Aren't you forgetting something?

Yes, how foolish of me.

Don't forget, we need those cookies.

Everyone. Be quiet. She is here.

- What are you talking about? - Not you.

We know what drives you cuckoo.

Really?

Faisal told me.

Amaar told him you have forbidden him to speak of you.

Almost everyone agrees you're a very controlling woman.

I'm a controlling woman?

Now it is unanimous.

I can't believe him.

Would he like if I shared embarrassing detail about him?

Amaar has no embarrassing details.

Oh, come on, he stashes an emergency bag of chips at work.

Very wise, he knows the value of a midday snack.

He loves country music.

Who doesn't? Travis Tritt is a genius.

He got caught shoplifting bubble gum.

Amaar's a gum thief?

Oh, Fred, I didn't see you there.

This is perfect. The chief rug rider is a known offender.

I was looking for a new Muslims are bad angle.

Thanks for the scoop, toots.

- Two coffees to go please, Fatima. - Two?

How many times have I told you?

You cannot have your free refills to go.

One of them is for Suhail.

You have made him your client?

Almost.

I am impressed.

I just have to wait for Baber to seal the deal.

I am less impressed.

I had to have him pose as my boss or else Suhail wouldn't even talk to me.

Now I am not impressed at all.

I know, but we needed the business.

So I had to ask myself, "What would Yasir do?"

He would probably come up with some ridiculous scheme.

Exactly!

So now you're out getting coffee like Baber's secretary?

I have decided to call myself executive assistant.

Much better.

And for the record, I am not just getting coffee...

I also need some cookies.

Amaar, you know how you were upset

with me for saying things about you?

Well... You're gonna laugh.

But...

Oh, boy.

Wow. You talk to books too?

I thought I was the only one.

Oh. No, I was just

rehearsing a conversation I'm gonna have with Amaar.

I am the only one.

Anyway, so, you're here a lot these days.

Well, it's a public place. I can meet Amaar here.

You mean like a date?

No. We're Muslims.

We don't date.

Yeah, and neither do librarians.

Amaar, you know how I was upset with you for sharing things about me?

I know. And I did it again.

I told Faisal I wasn't gonna talk about you.

Guess what? That's talking about you.

- I'm so sorry. - It's fine.

It's just that when someone is so important in your life,

you can't help but talk about them.

So, can you ever forgive me?

Of course, I can forgive you.

You know what the worst part is?

I know that you would never, ever betray my trust like that.

Right.

Fred Tupper

And when it's time to spay your cat,

think of Jeff's Neuters and Hooters.

Jeff will neuter your pets and look after all your plastic owl needs.

Hi, Fred.

Oh, hey, toots. What brings you around?

Got more dirt to dish for me?

No, I don't.

The things about Amaar...

Oh, absolute gold.

An Imam who's a crook, the public has a right to know.

But I didn't have a right to tell. Please, Fred.

I don't want to be the kind of person who passes along gossip.

I really had no right.

I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it.

I do. I really do.

Well, then, don't sweat it, scarfy. Huh?

Your people aren't the only ones who can keep a secret.

- Okay. Thanks, Fred. - Sure.

Folks, the Muslim menace has reared its turbaned head once again.

Turns out our local Imam

has got more sticky fingers than a waffle eating contest.

That's right, Amaar Rashid is a cutpurse.

A scalawag, common shoplifter.

And how big a step is it really, from lifting a shop to blowing it up?

Okay, it's a pretty big step, granted. But still, this is a confirmed story

from a confidential source.

Phone lines are open.

Mr. Siddiqui, sir,

I'm back with your coffee and cookies.

Chocolate chip.

- Wait. Where's Suhail? - He left.

Baber, you idiot. We had a plan, remember?

And it is working. He's gone to the washroom.

And as soon as he comes back, we are going to the site.

Really? That's great.

And about earlier...

I'm so sorry.

But, this cookie is totally unacceptable.

- What? - I said homemade.

And this is clearly store-bought and generic.

Sorry, sir.

Silly me. But what do you expect from a woman?

She's learning. I did not think this was possible.

That is why I hired her.

It's getting late. We should go to the site.

Finally.

I'll just grab my tape measure and my calculator.

Don't you worry. I'm sure we can

come up with a quote that will blow...

Oh, come on!

No! Darn.

- Dang! - You okay, Sarah?

I'm sorry about the language.

It's okay. I've heard it all. What's wrong?

Well, Baber is taking over my company.

Okay, I thought I had heard it all.

He's posing as head of Hamoudi Construction so I can win over

this conservative Muslim.

That's terrible.

I know. Baber has no business sense.

No, terrible of you, lying to get work.

I know, I couldn't help it.

This guy is sexist, ultraconservative and...

He'd never hire a woman.

Okay, this gets worse.

You know there's no Islamic basis for your client's attitudes.

There isn't?

You see, I never really finished reading the Quran.

Reading makes me sleepy.

It always has.

I mean, to me, Tale of Two Cities will always be about "the best of times."

Okay, all this to make a buck?

I know this is bad. But I'm doing it for Yasir.

I don't think even Yasir had a price on sacrificing integrity, Sarah.

This is "the worst of times."

Well, well, well.

I heard the most interesting thing on the radio today.

- Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm.

Now where would Fred have heard such a tasty tidbit like that about Amaar?

Hmm?

Hmm... Hmm, hmm, hmm...

- Are you done? - It couldn't have been from you.

No, not after all I've heard about how much you hate

sharing personal information, Miss Pot-calling-the-kettle-black!

Well, this may be very funny for you.

Amaar is going to hate me.

Relax. Amaar's a very forgiving man. I used to consider that his weakness.

- And now? - Well, I still do.

I just don't exploit it anymore.

Of course, he's going to forgive me.

But you... You should know better than anyone,

once you betray, it's hard for them to see you the same way again.

- Hmm. - Amaar...

I don't suppose you heard Fred's show?

The one where he called me a two-bit gum-rustler?

So you heard it. Good.

Well, you steal one pack of gum in grade six,

and it comes back to haunt you.

They weren't kidding about the permanent record.

Well, this may be hard

for you to hear, but I...

I... I've got something to confess.

I was the one who told Fred about your nimble fingers.

- You did? - Yeah.

Sounds like me, doesn't it? Yeah, classic Thorne.

Anyway, all I can say is, I am... I'm sorry.

And I apologize.

Well, in that case, I accept.

Great.

What a relief.

- Chess? - Why not?

Amaar, wait!

He didn't do it. I did.

I told Fred.

- I know. - You do?

You were the only one I ever told.

And I betrayed your trust.

- On purpose? - Of course, not!

Well, then I guess sometimes, some things just slip out.

They do. I get it.

I'm sorry I was so hard on you.

There's no reason to apologize.

Okay.

Then why did you accept his apology?

Well, for Thorne, that was a pretty good apology.

Oh. Thank you.

And why did you confess to telling a secret that you didn't know?

To help you. Which is a good thing, right?

Yes, but you lied, which isn't.

Oh...

Will you ever forgive me?

Yes.

There you go.

Great. Where were we?

Checkmate.

Oh. Right.

Best of 13?

My goodness, I can't believe!

Such a low quote for such a big job.

Really? Because I personally would not pay a dime more.

What are you doing at that desk?

What are you doing giving quotes?

Well, if some people would show up for work more often.

This is none of your business.

This is all my business.

I am Sarah Hamoudi and I run this company.

What?

A woman? How do you expect me to work with a woman?

I don't.

You are rude and sexist,

and I'm not gonna take this anymore.

You are everything a good Muslim is not,

and this woman expects you to leave.

- But... - Now!

And that's... that.

Hmm...

What are you still doing here?

Oh, um, there's the small matter of my pay.

I'll go, too.

Hello, kids.

Coffee's on me.

Wow. What's the occasion?

Well, you know that conservative jerk I stood up to?

He still wants to hire me.

Even after I marked up his quote, 20%.

- Really? - He asked around.

Seems Hamoudi Construction is still the best company in the county.

I guess he likes a bargain more than he hates women.

- Hm. - Well, congratulations, Mom.

You stuck to your guns and you got what you wanted.

Yasir would be proud.

Thank you.

So, what did I miss?

I'm not telling.