Original subtitles

And just a few announcements before we go.

As we all know, inshallah, tomorrow,

Sarah Hamoudi will be holding a charity book drive

in the meeting room at noon.

Baber Siddiqui will be leading a halacha in the meeting room tomorrow at noon.

Sarah wishes to inform us that her book drive

has been moved to 11:55 in the meeting room.

And Baber's halacha has been rescheduled for 11:54.

Sarah's book drive now will start promptly

at 7:00 a.m. inshallah tomorrow morning in the meeting room

and will now be an all-day event.

Baber Siddiqui has organized a protest

against inappropriate charity functions taking place in the meeting room.

That's all for today's announcements.

I want to thank you all

for listening intently to my sermon on compromise and understanding.

Assalamu alaikum, fiancée.

Waleikum salaam, fiancé.

I have been looking forward to this all day.

Oh, is lunch at Fatima's that special?

It is, when it's with you.

- Oh, is that ring too big? - Mmm...

Maybe my finger's a little small.

No, I'm going to get it sized

because this ring should fit your finger the way you fit my heart... Perfectly.

- That's a bit cheesy, isn't it? - Uh-huh.

It finally happened. I'm a papa.

Congratulations. I had no idea.

Well, they're adopted. Also, they're pigs.

Bessie had a litter this morning.

Great. You know how Muslims love pigs.

Cigars for everybody.

Okay. Thanks.

Well, I better go and check on Mama and Papa and the 12 little miracles.

Twelve. Wow.

I named them after the disciples.

But I forgot who came after John. So I switched to the Beatles.

Hope little Ringo pulls through.

Twelve. Can you imagine having 12?

I can't even imagine having one.

- Wait, what do you mean? - Well, just that one pig is too many.

Oh, good.

For a second, I thought you meant you didn't want any children.

It's a crazy out there, I'm not sure that I do.

Do you know what you two want?

I thought we did.

THORNE: Amaar, my good friend.

How about some lunch? My treat.

I'm not hungry, thanks.

Ah, yeah, neither am I.

How about we hit the court, shoot some hoops, huh?

Ooh, I don't think so.

Yeah, you're right. It's too nice at day.

It's the perfect day for two friends to split a pitcher of iced tea,

watch the world go by.

I'm not interested in doing anything with you.

Ah, I think I know what it is.

It's Rayyan, isn't it? She can be a pill.

It's not about Rayyan. It's about you.

Me? What did I do? I mean, recently.

Just cut it out with all this buddy stuff, all right?

It's not us.

Come on. Doesn't your religion believe in forgiveness?

Or is it all just "off with their heads"?

There is a Hadith that says,

"A believer shall not be stung twice out of one in the same hole."

Ha, yes, of course. Very wise.

It's the Islamic version of, "Fool me once, shame on you.

- "Fool me twice, shame on me." - Right.

Yeah, the part with the hole threw me. Come on, Amaar.

What is it going to take to make this work?

You know what? I would actually have to believe you sincerely want to change.

Lord, like you on Calvary, I'm alone.

I've made mistakes. Yeah. Lost my way.

I need guidance.

A friend. Amaar may be a godless Muslim,

but he's everything a man of God should be.

Soften his heart so that he may help me

take the first steps down the road to redemption.

Amen.

That was beautiful.

Oh, Amaar.

Uh, how embarrassing.

Those are my innermost thoughts without any ulterior motive or agenda.

I feel so exposed.

Maybe that's because you're praying outside my office.

Oh, right.

I didn't even notice. I just pray where the spirit takes me.

Look, Reverend, you can pray all you want, but we're not friends.

And with all you've done, we'll probably never be friends.

I like the sound of that "probably." It means there's a chance.

Seriously, Lord, I could really use some help down here.

Maybe just point me in the right direction?

WOMAN: No.

Sarah, you are a genius. You're right.

I'd have more money if I gambled less.

That's what I'm saying.

You are the best friend anyone could have.

SARAH: Aww.

If anyone wanted to know how to be a friend,

- I would tell them to talk to you. - Aw, thanks.

A bit on the nose, perhaps, but thank you.

Ah, well, if it isn't kind, thoughtful, giving Sarah.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Wait. I'm still mad at you.

I understand. Of course you're still mad.

And what does it matter that I want to change.

Hm, good for you.

You know, you really need to.

Sorry. What did you want to talk about?

I need a friend.

Okay. We need to find someone who doesn't know you.

No, I need to make Amaar my friend.

What? Wait. No, wait.

- You're serious? - Yes.

After what you did to him, why do you want to be his friend now?

Look, I, uh... I really don't have anyone in my life.

So I thought that maybe with the spark of a human connection,

I might be able to finally, you know, change for the better.

Wow. That almost sounds noble.

Yeah. And besides, Amaar is wildly popular,

and getting him on my side might be a big step in winning the town back.

And on top of that, he turned me down.

And no one turns down William Thorne.

But mostly the noble stuff, like, 80 percent.

Look, I need your help

because no one knows more about being a good friend than you do.

- Well, okay, I'll do it. - Really?

Well, I can't turn my back on someone in need.

And neither can Amaar. Which is why he is such a good imam.

Yes, and it's the perfect thing to exploit.

For good. Exploit for good.

You didn't let me finish.

Amaar.

Um, I thought about what you said about not having children.

Right. About that, Rayyan, look, I know the point of getting married...

It's okay. I totally get it.

- You do? - Yes.

And there are upsides to not having children.

- You're right. - Think of the freedom.

We could travel whenever we want.

We could fly to Paris tonight.

I have appointments tomorrow.

- How about next week? - Next week's no good.

- The point is, we can do what we want. - Yes, exactly.

We could watch a movie tonight.

A movie. We could watch as many as we like.

How about a double bill?

- Um, I'm no good after 10:00. - One movie, one wild and crazy movie.

I like it. Okay. My mom can chaperone.

Uh, let's be at her house at eight O'clock.

You get the movie, I'll get the pizza.

- Adults only. - Deal.

Are you sure you're okay with this?

Yes, I am 100 percent, totally, completely...

Adorable.

Right.

Hi, honey, what's new?

Amaar and I want to watch a movie. Can you make it?

- Absolutely. - Oh, and I want a baby.

Oh, honey, that's wonderful. Oh...

But wait until you're married. People will talk.

I told him Amaar I was okay with not having children.

And then I saw one. And I thought, "Mommy wants."

Of course you did.

You get that from my side of the family. We're aggressive ovulaters.

Amaar doesn't want to have a kid. Not at all.

Oh, he's just being a man.

Your dad though t he didn't want children either.

Then we lived above the Chudleys and they had a baby.

The first time that baby grabbed his finger,

he was a goner.

If only Amaar could see firsthand how great a baby can be.

Yeah. Kids. Hm.

Can we wrap this up?

I've got a little personal growth to tend to.

- I'll be right there. - Tick tock.

Mom, what are you doing hanging around with him?

Nothing, if he's going to be rude.

Oh, right.

Sorry, my fault. It's not going to happen again.

But really...

- This is the perfect plan. - Hm.

He's a beauty, isn't he?

He was in my office in Toronto for five years, and he's finally here.

You keep calling it "he."

Well, does Leslie sound like a girl's name to you?

- Can't wait to get him in my office. - Wait. Remember the plan.

When Amaar helps you carry Leslie into your office,

boom, instant friendship.

He's coming.

Oh, uh...

Reverend, everything okay?

REVEREND: I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

It's just this chair is really heavy.

Uh, I could really, really use some help out here.

- Fine. - Thanks.

This chair isn't heavy at all.

Uh, everything just feels heavier when you're alone.

- Can we just move it? - Sure.

Wow, this chair is actually quite beautiful.

Thank you.

- I'd love to have a chair like this. - Don't hold your breath.

This was made by a sixth generation bodger and upholstered

by the Sarduccis on St. Claire. You'll never find another.

- Right here it's perfect. - Yeah.

Ah, look. Tea and cookies.

What a pleasant but totally unexpected surprise.

Care to sit a spell and talk of the world as men do?

Amaar, but...

Wow. He really doesn't want to talk to you.

He's never gonna be my friend.

Oh, I always say "Never say never."

Which is weird because then I have to say it twice.

What can I possibly do to convince him I'm serious?

Well, he really liked Leslie.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh

That's just not fair.

But it is my chair.

It's the perfect way to show Amaar you're sincere.

Couldn't I just give him cash? Everyone loves the sincerity of cash.

Besides, he must be strapped after buying this ring for Rayyan.

What are you doing in my office?

- I, uh... - He's giving you his chair.

- Uh, I can't really accept this. - Oh, good.

- But he insists. - You do?

I do? I do.

I know that one gift can't right all my wrongs.

- But as a sign that I'm willing to... - Change.

...Change, I really want you to have my chair.

Well, that's a very nice of you.

Um, it's almost eight O'clock. I have to go meet Rayyan.

I'll see you there.

- And, uh, thanks, Rev. - THORNE: Yeah.

- Wow. You may win him over after all. - I doubt it.

- Why? - I just dropped his engagement ring

into the chair.

Hey, better half, I got the movie. Did you get the pizza?

- I got something better. - Great. Can I eat it now?

- 'Cause I'm starving. - You can't eat it.

It's a baby.

You brought a baby to grown-up movie night.

Yeah, Amaar, I can't lie to myself anymore.

I do want children.

So you stole one?

No. We're babysitting for the Cusacks.

I haven't done it in years,

but it's going to be fun.

I guess I should have seen this coming.

This is your chance to see what it's like to have a real baby.

- I can feel it. - Uh-huh?

It's just sliding out of my reach.

- Darn it. - I'd love to stay and help, but...

What? You're just gonna leave me here?

In my very hour of need?

The very time I'm the neediest? Need o'clock?

I'm sure this will all work out.

Oh, uh, when you see them, be sure to tell them how we lost

the eternal symbol of their love in the middle of one of your plans.

Fine.

I'll get a standby chaperone and some tools.

Tools. We need tools?

So that was the 20th fight that I had with my wife.

That night I put my foot down and I slept on the couch.

Well, you really showed her.

- So, nice date? - Yep.

- Movie night? - Yep.

Are you sure Rayyan is even here?

What a little angel.

A strong-willed little angel.

- Healthy lungs. - Yes, he's very annoying.

You got him down okay?

Yeah. Still fussing, but I think he'll settle soon.

Seems like a lot of work.

Oh, work? No. I just need to feed him and change him...

And rock him, burp him, feed him, change him again, rock him, and sing.

What is that stain?

I'm afraid to look.

Well, at least we can watch the movie now.

We must be the only people that haven't seen The Sixth Sense.

Oh, I love this movie where the man turns out to have been dead all along.

Okay, thanks for that.

See, even with a baby here, we can still enjoy quality time together.

Any chance that crying is coming from the movie?

I think not.

Oh, come on, I just changed you.

Ready.

Where were you? How long does it take to get a couple of tools?

- Let's get this cushion off. - It's attached. It's part of the chair.

Not for long.

Woah, hey. No. What are you doing?

- I'm cutting into the chair for the ring. - You butcher.

- I'll stitch it right back up. - Well, thank you, Mrs. Frankenstein.

Reverend, what tools did you think I'd get?

Some kind of delicate, chair-preserving, ring-fetching, day-saving device?

Perfect. Fire it up.

I know you like the chair.

No, Leslie is more than a chair.

He's a Sarducci.

If Amaar finds out you lost his ring, he will never forgive you.

Fine. Can you give us a moment?

Certainly.

Okay.

Um...

We've had some good times, old man.

Reading Yates by the fire,

writing my first sermon,

the night we just stayed up and watched the rain.

- Boy, you really need a friend, don't you? - Just be gentle.

Of course.

I'll wait outside.

SARAH: What is it? You want your rattle?

Obviously it is not the rattle.

SARAH: Amaar, I need help.

Me? I don't think that's such a good idea.

SARAH: Get up here.

Baber, aren't you supposed to come chaperone?

No, I've raised babies. Your chastity is safe. Trust me.

Babysitting was a terrible idea.

Five minutes alone with that little darling

and Amaar's never gonna want to have children.

AMAAR: Hey, I got you. The lady in the hijab scare you?

I can hear you.

AMAAR: Okay, Uncle Amaar's here.

Good luck with that. Like he's gonna walk in there,

pick up the baby, and he'll quiet right down.

Good for him.

The baby likes Amaar. I'm glad.

Funny, because you don't look glad.

In fact, I'd say you look, um, jealous.

Now annoyed.

Now furious!

I'll be quiet.

Sarah, I've been having second...

Hm...

- Can't bear to see him like this. - I know, but I found the ring.

Good. At least I can have him re-upholstered.

I can have a professional bodger here by morning.

I found it, but I just can't reach it.

What? The ring is still in there?

Deeper than we could ever imagine.

And to get it out, I am just going to have to use this.

I see.

Do what you must.

Wait.

That's my chair. I should do it.

Are you sure?

I owe Leslie that much.

Okay.

You were the best of us.

Yeah!

I do not understand.

Isn't it obvious?

Amaar's better with children than I am.

No, that is very clear.

What I do not understand is why we can't watch the movie without him.

Sorry, guys.

I, uh, put the little guy down

and he just reached out and grabbed my finger.

- Oh, the finger. - Those little hands are so strong.

Yeah.

How about the movie?

And then you know what? He just smiled at me.

And for a minute there, I forgot the big, bad world.

Who cares about babies?

Let's watch the man find out that he's dead.

You know what? It's, uh, getting late. We should really get going.

- So soon? - You know how you get after 10:00.

What? No movie?

This has been a complete waste of time!

Come on, Amaar. This date has been a total disaster.

Look, thanks for this.

It was a real eye-opener.

It certainly was.

Come on. Oh.

- I got it, I got it. - Oh.

- Ah-ha! - Yay!

It was right at the bottom of this thin layer of fabric.

What fabric?

- Oh, I guess we could have just... - Cut that in the first place?

Oh, Reverend, I'm really sorry about your chair.

I thought that was my chair.

Oh, first, you see I like the chair.

Then you give it to me only to go and destroy it.

Congratulations. I never saw that one coming.

- Amaar, I can explain... - Sarah, I know it wasn't you.

I know it was all him.

- No, Amaar, please... - Sarah, please.

I think you both should just go.

- Okay. - Wow!

Uh, you know, it's actually a pretty funny story.

- You destroyed my chair. - Oh, it's not funny the way you tell it.

- All sized up and ready to go. - Oh, my.

We have a problem.

Oh, no. Is it too small?

- I told him you were a generous size five. - No, no, it's perfect.

But I don't want to have children.

- What? - At least not now.

- But I thought that... - Amaar, you saw last night.

The crying, the screaming, the constant need for attention.

Look, we don't have to invite Baber next time.

Amaar.

It's possible that I don't have the maternal instinct

- if I can't even handle it for one night. - Rayyan, that's now.

Maybe neither of us are ready.

But when the time comes, I know you'll be a great mother.

Are you sure you're okay with waiting?

Last night, that little hand grabbed your finger.

That was great.

But this is about you and me, and whether it's now or never,

baby or not, as long as we're together, I'm the happiest guy on the planet.

Hey, Amaar, I just want to apologize for last night...

It's okay. I know you were just trying to stop him.

- Yeah, about that... - In the end, I feel sorry for him.

He's got to live with himself, and trust me,

that is a lonely place to live.

What is he holding?

I think it's some upholstery. He really loved that chair.

- Why'd he give it to me? - Because you liked it.

Then why'd he tear it up?

He accidentally dropped your engagement ring inside,

and if he didn't get it out, he knew you'd never forgive him.

Oh, so all that he's been doing has actually been...

Genuine in his own thorny way.

- Great. - What's wrong?

Now I have to go talk to him.

Excuse me.

Rev.

Oh, hi.

- He is gonna be such a great dad. - Really?

Well, look, he can handle the problem child.

Amaar, tonight is all about you, pal.

I rented Casablanca.

Oh, that's a great film.

But I'm not your pal.

Oh, then why did you come here?

Well, I believe you actually want to change, and if that's true...

It is. It really is.

Well, then I'm going to try and help guide you, if that's what you want.

Guide away.

Okay, but that's all I can promise for now.

I like the sound of that "for now." Come on. There's the seat of honor.

Unless you'd rather...

- Oh, no. - If you insist.

Me and Leslie.

- Amaar, this could be the start of... - Don't say it.

- Here's looking at you... - Don't.

- Of all the gin joints... - I don't drink.

- We'll always have... - No, we won't.