Original subtitles

Assalamu alaikum, Rayyan. Have you seen Faisal?

Walaikum assalaam. Yeah, he's...

- I do not want to know. He's dead to me. - Sorry?

He did not tell you how much it pained him that I had to cut him out of my life?

- Didn't come up. - First he misses our Crokinole game

and now he ignores me.

The final indignity. He's, he's double dead to me.

But he's your best friend. You can't cut him off just like that.

Sure I can. Snip, snip dead. As if you've never done this.

- Of course not. - Never had to turn your back on a friend?

Well, not never.

There was one time in college, but...

But she was not a good friend.

Actually, Holly was my best friend.

She was like a big sister to me.

And you just threw her away.

You are a terrible friend.

How could you do such a thing, huh?

Who's next? Me?

Snip, snip. You're dead, too. Self-defense!

What?

I am sorry, I do not hear dead people.

Baber, are you ready for our Crokinole game?

Huh, you would like that, wouldn't you?

Where were you on Tuesday, huh?

I waited all night for you like a fool.

Today is Tuesday.

Faisal, you are alive!

It is so good to see you, my friend.

Come, let me tell you the horrible things Rayyan has done.

Ooh.

Mom, I've been thinking a lot about my old friend Holly.

- The cute one with the guitar? - Yeah.

I always wondered what happened to you two.

One day, you were best friends,

the next day, she was dead to you.

Yeah, well, I was really getting into Islam,

and I took it pretty seriously.

No kidding.

Like when you poured that perfume your father gave me down the toilet

to save me from the burning fires of hell.

Right. Sorry about that.

Don't be. Perfume should not come in a jug.

I just went through this phase where I thought that

anything and anyone who wasn't Muslim was a bad influence.

Even my best friend.

Well, that's perfume under the bridge.

Nothing you can do about it now.

Wrong. I found Holly online.

I sent her an email saying that I apologize and I wanted to make it right.

Well, that's nice, but it's been a long time.

Don't get your hopes up.

It's Holly.

She says, she misses me, too, and she wants to see me.

People always say that, but who's got time?

- Don't get your hopes up. - Yeah.

Wow!

She's coming to visit me tomorrow.

What now?

The widow of a Nigerian prince has a way for me to make millions.

Ooh. Get those hopes up.

Wow, look at this place. It's spotless.

Check out the sink. The stain has been scrubbed down.

The one that looked like St. John the Baptist?

I thought it looked more like two frogs smoking a pipe.

You know, I'll never understand Islam. Shrewd move, though.

Cleaning up the place, sucking up to the landlord.

- It wasn't me, I thought that was you. - Me?

You know, doing more to make me feel guilty for not doing more.

That does sound like me.

- Hey, fellas! - Good morning.

Sarah, are you responsible for the transformation in here?

I hope it's okay.

I thought it would be homey without the dirt and garbage.

- It's very homey. It's the homiest. - Indeed.

If you really can't help yourself,

the washrooms could use a little sprucing up.

Oh, you.

It's nice sharing a space with my two big men of God.

Okay. Back to work.

Ah, she took the last cup and didn't make another pot.

She'll get the routine eventually.

Yes, but in the meantime, this coffee won't make itself.

Milk. No sugar. I'm watching the waistline.

I'll be in my office.

Oh, there she is.

Rayyan Hamoudi.

Holly Weldon!

Wow, you look great.

You know, the last time I saw you, I think you were in your goth phase.

Or was it retro grunge?

I think it was retro goth, but who can remember?

- I was always trying something new. - Yeah.

You look amazing. Love the scarf.

Wow. I just realized how much I missed you.

I realized that eight years ago when you vanished on me.

I know. I'm so glad you're here.

We need to talk. I owe you an explanation.

Do you want to talk over a drink?

- Well... - Don't worry. I've sworn off of liquor.

Oh, you really have changed.

You have no idea.

- Morning. - Morning.

Whoa.

Sarah, you didn't have to do this.

Well, you see, at home, I was in charge of organizing Yasir's life.

Consider yourself organized.

My desk is all clear.

Oh, I didn't throw anything out. It's all here in the box.

Oh, it's all in one pile.

Oh, you're welcome. No trouble at all.

It's so nice to have someone to take care of again.

Oh, that is nice

for you.

Ah, I see the White Tornado got to your office, too.

You should see my desk.

You can actually see my desk.

Well, I guess it's not that bad.

Not bad? It's terrible.

She threw all my sermons together.

Now my tolerance is mixed in with my acceptance.

It's unacceptable. I will not tolerate it!

Fatima, meet my old friend Holly.

Holly, my newer friend, Fatima.

Any friend of Rayyan's is a friend of mine.

Any friend of Rayyan's is a friend of Rayyan's.

My friends are my friends, obviously.

- She's a character. - Yeah.

I envy you and your small town life.

You always had a way of making me feel so special.

Hmm, sounds terrible. I can see why you dropped me.

I know. I totally dropped you.

Which is why I got in touch.

When I got into Islam,

I turned my back on you, and I am so sorry.

I think of all the years of friendship we missed and I have a lot of regrets.

Not me. I regret nothing.

Je regrette toute!

You regret everything?

Okay, I regret skipping French.

But other than that, poulet!

- Chicken? - No thanks, I already ate.

Besides, I'm trying to tell you something.

Yes, when we lost touch, it was painful.

But something really good came out of it.

It started me on my own spiritual journey.

It was thanks to you

I found Jesus!

Oh, you went back to the United Church? Your parents must be so happy.

No, no.

Organized religion is a sham.

No offense.

It's just...

I have a personal relationship with Jesus

and it's exclusive.

Oh, well, that's great.

He carried me through the pain.

The pain that you left me with.

So, thank you, Rayyan.

Thank you for that pain.

You're welcome.

- I have to testify. - Oh.

I have to testify!

Hallelujah!

Thanks to this woman,

I am filled with the Holy Spirit and born again!

Hallelujah!

Okay, back to your lunch.

- That'll make you work up an appetite. - Yeah.

Oh, I'm so sluggish today.

Yeah, me, too. This coffee lacks a certain kick.

Something different about it. Can't put my finger on it.

It's decaf.

- What? - It's much better for you.

I made the switch for Yasir and he loved it.

Are you sure? He did leave the country.

Caffeine made him jumpy.

- Jumpy is good. - Jumpy's great.

No, plus it can make you very irritable.

- That's a lie! - See?

Hey, where's my Vieux-Boulogne?

- Your what? - My cheese. My precious cheese.

Oh, I threw that out. It was covered in mold.

It's supposed to be.

What part of Vieux-Boulogne do you not understand?

- Well, I replaced it. - With this?

That's marble cheese.

That is two cheeses in one. Yellow and orange.

And it's all Canadian.

No need to thank me.

Oh, don't worry, I won't.

- Hey, Rayyan. - Oh, hey.

How's it going?

Terrible. My best friend is visiting.

You're right. That does sound terrible.

It's not terrible, it's weird.

You want to hear weird?

I once dated a model train nut. Wore his engineer cap to bed.

Whoo-whoo!

But then it got weird.

Yeah, this is like religious weird.

Oh, so, she's not Muslim, is she?

No. She's a Christian.

- So, Christians are weird. - No! No.

You don't understand.

She found God and she changed.

So someone found religion and took it a bit too far.

Why does this sound familiar?

Okay, I get what you're saying, but it's not same thing.

Says you who tried to ban me from your house until I passed a breathalyzer.

Well, it's not my fault you always failed.

You're right.

Hallelujah. She sees the light.

So what if she found faith? I should be happy for her.

If she can accept my religion, the least I could do is accept hers.

A religious Christian and a devout Muslim tearing it up.

Sounds like a real party.

Speaking of parties, I have a date with a model airplane builder.

Whoo-whoo!

I don't do airplane noises.

- Yarhamukallah. - Oh, no.

Sarah put lilies in your office, too!

- Why? Are you allergic? - Yes!

You have to talk to her!

What am I supposed to say? She's only trying to be... Ah!

I hate these stupid flowers! I'm going to have to talk to Sarah.

Talk to me about what?

Oh, um, I don't know.

Amaar, is there a problem I'm unaware of?

Sarah, it's about these lilies.

He hates them.

Yeah. He knocked them down. I saw it.

Not cool, Amaar. Not cool.

Really? I just thought that...

He doesn't care what you thought.

He "hates your stupid flowers". His words.

Amaar, is this true?

I did say those words, but I didn't mean it like that.

It's just I can't think straight without any caffeine and...

You hate my coffee, too?

He does, yes.

And Amaar doesn't want you to throw out my cheese

because he was really looking forward to me eating it later.

Weren't you, Amaar?

Of course I wasn't! This...

It's hard to believe anything he says.

Oh, I see what you two are saying.

What? How did I get roped into this?

- Thanks a lot. - You're both saying

I can't do anything right.

No!

You made her cry.

I didn't say anything!

I had no idea she was so sensitive. You must feel awful.

- Holly? - Oh, good, you're home.

And I brought us cookie dough, chips, and dip.

Remember when we used to stay up late and do makeovers and pig out?

It'll be so fun.

You are awesome.

Well, in return, I have a little bit of a surprise for you, too.

Great. I love surprises. What is it?

It's more like "who is it?"

There's somebody that I want to introduce you to.

Here? At my house? Okay, great. Who?

It's Jesus, silly.

I am familiar with Jesus.

He's one of the respected prophets in Islam.

No. He is much, much more than that.

He's the one that showed me, when you cast me off,

you weren't hurting me, you were hurting you.

No. No! I am not hurt.

I am good.

You are in denial, but that's okay because I'm here now

to save your soul from hell fire.

Okay.

Have you heard the story of Jesus?

Beautiful, beautiful Jesus

Magical, mystical Jesus

Wow.

That's lovely.

I'm glad you like it.

Are you ready to accept the Lamb of God into your heart?

Look, Holly,

I am so happy that you found religion.

Me, too.

Happy, happy, happy

- I know how powerful faith can be. - It sure can.

Powerful, powerful, powerful

Songwriting comes very easily to me.

It's a gift from Jesus.

Then it would be rude to return it.

Look...

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me happy

That's clunky 'cause it should be a duet,

so let's just start from the top.

You know, Holly, it doesn't matter what you say or do,

I'll never give up Islam.

I will never give up on you.

And neither will Jesus.

Can you hear me, Jesus?

I think everyone in town can hear you.

Oh, good, so he probably heard me.

Sarah, the Reverend and I were talking,

and we need to clear things up.

Well, not now. I'm, I'm really, really busy.

I've got to sort some screws.

That's a Phillips.

That's a Phillips.

Oh, a Phillips.

Sarah, I know we offended you earlier.

Phillips. Phillips.

I think you'll find they're all Phillips.

I try to make this a decent place to live and you throw it right back in my face.

Now, Sarah, look, I would never speak for Amaar,

but I, personally, am very sorry for how he behaved.

Well, I'm sorry I ever tried to fit in around here.

Don't worry, it will never happen again.

- Great. - No! We want you to fit in.

- You do? - Yes, by changing.

We love having you here,

it's just that there's a few unwritten rules about getting along.

Why?

Well, because getting along is, uh, it's good.

No, no. Why are the rules unwritten?

- Oh. Well... - Uh...

See, Yasir and I always end our fights

by writing down what bothered us and then burning them in the fireplace.

Come on, boys.

Let's write some rules.

I have a...

- Come on, sit down. - Yeah, let's...

Hey, nice disguise. Whoever you are.

Oh, it's me.

- Do tell. - I'm dodging Holly.

She's crazy for Jesus.

The Mexican guy at the car wash?

- I get that. - No.

Jesus, Jesus.

She won't let up on the Christianity hard sell.

Well, I'd stash you in my office,

but there's a couple of people hiding in there.

Uh, I'm not hiding, that would be childish.

I'm just deliberately going places she isn't.

You're in the wrong place, because here she comes.

- How'd she find me? - Well, you took off your glasses.

Rookie mistake. Go on,

- I'll buy you a couple of minutes. - Thanks.

Holly, right?

- Do I know you? - No, but I know you.

I'm the mayor. Allow me to show you around our fair city.

Great.

And along the way, I can tell you about Jesus.

Rayyan went that way.

Oh, thank you.

So, rules. Let's make it nice and easy. So, rules. Let's make it nice and easy.

- We'll take turns. - All right.

How about no throwing out other people's food in the fridge?

- That's a good one. - Not even when it's gone bad?

Veggies in that crisper had turned to liquid.

Well, obviously, no, not then.

Oh, so that rule won't work.

Okay, it's time for my rule.

Let's eat together at lunch.

- What? - Well, Yasir and I like to eat together.

Sometimes he brings me a Mama Burger and he has a Papa Burger.

He sets the table, and makes me feel sort of special.

We were thinking more like...

Like, no flowers in the offices.

You mean, I can't have flowers even in my own office?

Of course, in your own office...

Oh, so that rule won't work.

Okay, now for my rule.

Let's all pitch in together and do different chores.

We can have a chore wheel.

- What? - Take care of each other.

Show how we appreciate one another.

We could make Wednesday nights movie nights!

Sarah, you're talking about house rules,

the kind that people have at their home with their husbands.

What's wrong with that?

Because this is not your home, Sarah. It's work.

And these rules you should have with Yasir.

I know, but Yasir's not here

and I'm trying to fit in and do something special

and just be appreciated.

Excuse me.

You made her cry again.

- It was you! - What?

Excuse me, this is my office. Would you please leave me alone?

Sister Rayyan.

You're talking to me? I thought I was dead to you.

I cannot hold a grudge.

I would love to, but I cannot remember why exactly I am mad at you.

Give me a hint.

I turned my back on my best friend in college.

That is such a long ago, I'm sure you've learned your lesson.

Have I? Have I though?

I'm really only here to give Holly the slip.

- What? - I have no choice.

She won't let up. She keeps trying to get me to accept Jesus!

- You should be more like her. - What?

She has the proper attitude towards her religion.

Trying to win over the unbelievers.

I just wish we had more people like her on our side.

Me be more like her.

That might not be such a bad idea.

Of course not. It's mine.

I never have a bad idea, except playing Crokinole with Faisal.

He cheats by winning.

He is dead to me.

That's a Phillips, and that's a Phillips,

and that's a Phillips.

The box was right, 100 Phillips.

- Hi, Sarah. - Hi.

We were talking and we just thought you might need these.

Reverend?

They're man-sized tissues, but I think they'll work the same.

That's very nice, but I'm fine now. My eyes are dry.

We know how hard it's been for you not to have Yasir around.

Yes, and we were looking at some of your rules.

And one of them really stood out.

So, we thought we should try to sit down and eat together.

Oh, you guys.

The Mama Burger is mine.

Yasir always has the Papa Burger.

- Just sort of a thing with us. - Oh, sure.

Of course, no matter which burger I have, it's going to be an "imam-a burger".

That's good.

Holly, we need to talk.

You are going to learn about Islam.

It's the one true religion, and everyone should...

- Rayyan, I need to leave. - What?

I bring up Islam once and you're out?

No. I see now that you are too strong for me.

You really believe all this Muslim stuff, don't you?

Of course I do.

Can't you see?

You and I are both lucky

because we found the spiritual paths that work for us.

That is so

sad.

And that's why I have to go away.

To get stronger, like, like Jesus in the desert,

so that I can come back and save my best friend

before her false beliefs lead her down a path of Satan's knives

to pain, misery and eternal damnation.

But that does not mean that we can't stay friends.

- See you on Facebook. - Mm-hmm.

Tweet me.

It's nice to know that you still care.

Of course, silly.

I'm going to save you from the fiery, fiery flames of hell.

Oh.

Don't bother. It's the winters I can't stand.

Hello there, Fatima.

Have you heard the good news about Jesus?

That he is Allah's prophet and will return to preach the message of Islam?

No, the good news.

Oh, Holly.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to.

Rayyan, I owe you a big debt of gratitude.

Oh, the bus ticket was the least I could do.

Actually, a lot of people bought me bus tickets.

The more I sang about Jesus, the more tickets they gave.

And that's when I realized I am really good at spreading the word.

- Mm-hmm. - So, I'm hitting the road

to spread the gospel of the Lord.

Well, I hope you have fun.

With a special mission...

...to cure Muslims.

You can't cure Muslims.

Well, not with that attitude.

- Wish me luck. - Okay.

Where do you think she will go?

I don't know. But wherever she goes, I hope they have guitar lessons.