Original subtitles

Yes. Yes, Mrs. Wispinski.

No, I'll be by tomorrow, I promise.

I know I said the same thing yesterday,

but you know what they say, 12th time's the charm.

Another satisfied customer?

She just doesn't know it yet.

How is my favorite father?

What tool do you want to borrow?

Can't I just drop by and tell my dad that I love him?

And a shovel.

Of course. Did you kill another drifter?

I'm going to plant flowers over him.

Yes, gardening. I really enjoy gardening.

- Mom does all the gardening. - That's why I enjoy it.

Do you want to have lunch?

Love to. Small math problem.

Six jobs divided by two crews equals zero time for lunch.

I have no time for anything.

- Oh, that explains it. - Explains what, darling?

I saw Reverend Thorne talking to Nicky Knudson.

Nicky Knudson, the contractor?

- Maybe he's planning a renovation. - Then I'm his man.

You said you don't have any time.

"Always room for one more." That's the Hamoudi motto.

I didn't know that we had a motto.

Oh, we have several, and there's always room for one more.

What a brave boy, your little one. And what a set of lungs.

I can always spot the non-smokers.

Hope to see you all next week.

- Reverend. - Mr. Hamoudi.

I'm surprised to see you here. Were you at the christening?

Christening? Oh, of course.

Never miss a christening. So exciting.

I agree. I love a good baptism.

I have to catch one of those, too.

So, I understand you're looking for a contractor.

Word travels fast.

- You know, small towns. - Unfortunately, I do.

Yes, now that money's finally coming in,

we'll be refinishing the pews, redoing the chancel.

Oh, and then there's the the sacristy.

Yeah. Don't even get me started about the sacristy.

Let me guess. You're interested in the job.

- I accept. - Not so fast.

I need a man who knows his churches.

Who knows his churches better than me? My office is in a church.

It's in the, uh,

sacristy?

Uh, obviously, I'd prefer someone who has church renovation experience.

- I'm your man. - And a list of references to back it up.

Which I would love to give you, if it wasn't for the fire.

So many innocent lists lost that day.

Well, I was hoping to give the contract to someone in my own flock,

like Nicky Knudson. Do you know him?

Yeah, sounds familiar.

But if you want to submit a bid, I'd be happy to look.

You won't be disappointed.

- Will I still be in Mercy? - Yes.

Then you'd lose that bet.

Hey there, Ali Babette.

You burying your Muslim doubloon?

Uh, I think you're getting Muslims confused with pirates.

Wait, colorful costumes, insatiable bloodlust.

Oh, but you people don't like parrots, do you?

Uh, no, just gardening in peace and quiet.

Hey, nice choice of mums.

I like that you're going bold with the annuals there.

Best of all, I don't see any of those hideous marigolds around.

You don't like marigolds?

Oh, dandelion wannabes. Can't stand the sight of them. Argh!

Sorry, I'm still thinking pirate.

Well, what do you think about impatiens?

- Got no patience for them. - Me either.

All this gardening talk has got my hands itchy for some dirt.

- You mind if I pitch in? - No, knock yourself out.

Oh!

Oh, that's interesting.

That's really interesting.

You are supposed to be a hardworking man.

It's a religious website.

Finally, putting faith before the pursuit of money.

Actually, I'm preparing my bid for the Anglican renovation.

- Episcopalian funtimes.ca? - Mm.

I'm learning and playing. It's edutaining.

Those Christians, I could never embrace their church,

but I love their brain teasers.

See, I can't prepare my bid,

until I can tell my chancels from my tabernacles.

How could you work for that man

when he won't even give the mosque a lease, huh?

Shouldn't we Muslims try to get on his good side? A little outreach?

Yes. Christians love outreach.

Remember the Crusades? Outreach with swords.

- Don't overreact. - I will overreact.

Over and over. Shame on you for dealing with that man.

And for not catching the missing water jug in the picture down to the left.

This will take you further down the road to damnation.

It's not bad enough that you marry that misguided Anglican?

You're right.

Sarah grew up Anglican.

She knows all about this claptrap.

I married my own secret weapon.

I do not like where you're going with this,

but I like that you are going.

The game is mine.

Oh, Judas didn't have a cell phone.

No refills.

But it's a bottomless cup.

It was costing too much money.

This is my new bottomless cup.

Get it?

It has no bottom.

Cute.

My new novelty cup was very expensive, but it made me laugh.

So you actually had a conversation with Fred?

Things were almost pleasant between us before he stepped on the rake.

And even then, he didn't overreact.

Wow, I guess Fred Tupper can change.

Let that be a lesson to us all.

These fabric festooned zealots cannot be trusted.

"Little Miss There Goes The Neighbor In A Hood"

tried to lure me into her garden of Allah.

That's not true.

I take one step out of the green zone, and blamo!

I found out the hard way, her garden is booby trapped.

Again, not true.

And does the Muslim menace apologize?

No Siree Bobtail Rooster.

Let's go to a commercial, huh?

And now a word from our good friends at McNabb's Frozen Peas.

McNabb's...

Okay, that's true. I never did actually apologize.

Why do you even put this station on?

It helps get rid of customers who have been sitting too long.

She took my novelty cup.

Sarah, darling, I want you to tell me everything you know about being Anglican.

- Like what? - I mean everything.

I'm your vessel. You fill up the vessel.

Anything you can put in the vessel. Even another vessel.

Okay, well, it's very simple.

In the beginning, God says...

Enough! I'm lost.

New plan.

I want you to tell Thorne everything that you know about me.

Yasir, what is going on?

I need you to convince Thorne

that I'm the right man to renovate the church.

Otherwise, he's going to give the job to Nicky Knudson.

- Not Knudson. - I know.

You can't compete. You don't know anything about churches.

Yes, but you do.

Wait a minute.

You want to use me, your wife, to butter up a man of God?

When put it that way...

...I'm sorry that I even tried to...

- I'd love to. - Jackpot!

And now, a word from Trudy's Tarts and Crafts.

You want a yummy dessert or a fistful of pipe cleaners?

Think Trudy's.

- Hi. - What can I do you for?

I just came to apologize for not apologizing before

and for the thing that I didn't apologize for.

The point is, I apologize.

Well, jeez, you didn't need to do all that.

And I even brought you some of my famous wild berry iced tea.

- Thanks, but no thanks. - Here, just try it.

- I'm not thirsty. - I brought it from home.

The car's front seat smells like fruit salad.

- But no means no. - Just try it!

- Oh! - Oh! My console!

Come on, here let me just help you with this.

Owee!

I'm so sorry again. I am really so sorry.

People, if you can hear me out there, it's finally happened.

The station is under Muslim attack.

These people put the T in terror.

Oh, my boys.

Yes, and when I'm finished,

this will be more than a humble country chapel.

It'll be a magnificent house of worship.

- That's beautiful. - Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know if you know this, but I grew up going to Mercy Anglican.

- Ah. - So many good memories.

Was that before you abandoned the church to become a Muslim?

Well, yes.

I just I hope you found the right man for the job.

Well, technically, I'm still looking.

Oh, that's because you haven't met Yasir Hamoudi.

I've met Yasir many times.

Well, sure you've met Yasir, the man. But have you met Yasir, the contractor?

Again, yes, I have.

Oh, okay, well, have met...

I've met all the Yasirs I can handle and more.

Um, let me guess.

You're here to butter me up.

Oh, I have no need.

No, let his record speak for itself.

He is the busiest contractor in town.

- Really? - Absolutely.

Right now, he has six jobs going.

Six?

Wow. So, in other words, even if I wanted to use Yasir,

he couldn't possibly do my reno. Hmm.

Thanks for your help.

Looks like I'm going to need a lot more butter.

Fred, I'm so glad to see you.

Look, I just wanted to apologize to you again.

Just stay away from me, toots.

Fred, are you choking?

Here, turn around.

Ready?

Hey, you saved my life.

You saved my hotdog.

You're my hero, doc. How could I ever thank you?

Stop talking with your mouth full.

You got it, toots. And that's only the beginning.

- Fred, are you choking again? - Mm-hmm.

All right.

Honey, you're home.

Hello. What's the special occasion?

Do you have some happy news for me or some meat with the best before date?

Oh, that's funny. Yasir, you're funny.

Have I told you how funny you are?

"Best before date", that is too rich.

Uh-oh.

You're you're laughing at my jokes. You didn't butter him up.

Oh, I buttered. Butter, butter.

So, I'm the front runner?

You know what? Funny story.

- I'm not the front runner. - More the side rap or dark horse.

I don't wanna be the dark horse.

I want to be the horse that gets the contract.

The contracting horse.

- What happened? - I told him that business was booming.

- Good. Good. - And that you had six jobs already.

He said that you were too busy to work on the church.

Bad, bad. Why would you tell him I'm too busy?

I thought that was good, good.

No, darling. Horrible, horrible.

Cake, cake.

Yasir, how is Mercy's busiest contractor?

Who told you? Was it Sarah?

That woman cannot be trusted.

I was just being nice. Everybody knows how busy you are.

Everyone should keep their mouths shut.

How would you like it if I told people how busy you are?

Okay, easy. Let's not say something we can't take back.

I'm sorry.

It's just this busyness thing has come back to bite me in the bum.

Okay, well, look, being busy can be a good thing.

Unless you're busy doing something you don't like.

When I'm busy doing something I don't like...

Amaar, it's not always about you.

I'm gonna lose the church renovation to Nicky Knudson.

- Who? - It'll take me too long to tell you.

Have you told Thorne how successful you are?

Oh, seriously, you are one blabby imam.

I am not that successful. Six little jobs?

I would trade all of them for this one big contract.

I don't believe you mean that.

Probably because I don't mean that.

Which means that Thorne doesn't think I mean that,

unless I actually mean that. I must mean that.

Amaar, I'm gonna take your advice, brilliant as it is,

- and I will lose all my jobs. - Why would you do that?

I'm going to show Thorne that I can put my money where my mouth is.

Not literally, of course, because money is all germy.

Wish me luck.

Hey, doc, did you notice I mowed your lawn?

Well, it's hard not to notice

someone mowing your lawn at 4:00 a.m. in a Speedo.

What can I say? I'm all about aerodynamics.

Hey, let me vinegar those fries up for you.

Ugh, I hate vinegar.

Oh, okey-doke. Uh, hang on.

There you go. How about a beverage, hmm?

- There we are. - Thanks.

It's the least I can do for the woman who saved my life.

No, that can't be true. Surely you could do less.

- Where is the salt? - Salt? Uh...

And voila!

Anything else?

Well, what I'd really like is some sea salt.

Sea salt. Yeah, I'm on it.

- Actually, I have some... - No, no.

He won't leave me alone. It's nonstop.

And what's worse, he's being nice. It isn't natural.

Tell me about it.

It was better when he hated you.

Yeah, much better.

Now, you can do no wrong.

No.

I need to do the wrong that will make this right again.

Drop everything, we've got some celebrating to do.

I'll grab my hat. Where are we going?

Nowhere. We can't afford it because I lost five jobs today.

That's wonderful?

Now I'm less busy, no reason for Thorne to go with Knudson.

All I have is that one other job.

Unless Nicky has no other jobs.

Damn! Just like him.

He's always one job ahead of me, or behind me,

or next to me, or surrounding me.

- You done? - Yeah.

At least you still have your one job.

- That one cursed Wispinski job. - Yeah.

Wait! If I lost that job,

I'd be completely available.

As in unemployed?

Unemployed. That's genius. I have to lose that job.

"Never give up." That's the Hamoudi motto.

I thought it was "there's always room for one more."

Yeah, that, too.

Oh, hey, there, lifesaver.

It's no big deal. It's what I do.

What are you doing now?

Just digging. Love to dig. Get my dig on.

Yeah, I hear that. No one loves a good dig more than me.

It's a clean hit.

I think my cable runs under there.

- You don't say. - Yeah.

Well, it is now six, taking the lead and sending this match to sudden death.

No!

That's the winning wicket invitational. It only happens once every seven years!

Oh, Fred, you must be so angry.

No, of course not.

I'll see four more before I die.

Thanks to you. Lifesaver.

Hey, Yasir, how are you doing?

Hamoudi, we have to talk.

Mr. and Mrs. Wispinski.

Oh, I'm surprised you even remembered our names.

You were supposed to start a month ago.

Not that we want to make trouble, which we do.

A month? I've been so busy, it feels more like four weeks.

- You've been busy? See I... - Shut up, Alvin.

Hamoudi, when are your boys gonna start rolling on my mud room?

It's hard to say. The more I think about it,

the more I'm afraid your job is going to drag well into next summer.

Unacceptable.

What is the point of having a new mud room when the mud season is already over?

Well, it would be easier to clean.

Shutting up.

Sadly, the schedule's not my only concern.

On reviewing the budget,

I may have no choice but to use sub-par building materials.

You are just asking to be fired!

Why would I want to do a thing like that?

What is it going to take to get Fred to leave me alone?

Rayyan, you have to look at this as an opportunity.

You've won Fred over.

I know it's hard, but you can't stop being nice to him

just because he's being nice to you. It's...

Unislamic?

You're right.

And as a good Muslim, I shouldn't be devious.

Well, it's a good thing I'm not a good Muslim.

Congratulate me.

I finally lost the Wispinski job.

- Congratulations? - You mean you're totally unemployed.

Now, Reverend Thorne will finally realize

that I'm a better candidate than Nicky Knudson.

Why are you willing to give up so much just to land this one job?

Haven't you ever wanted something so badly that you could taste it.

I once wanted the berries of the Moju tree.

They were just all right.

Baber, come on. Reverend Thorne's coming in to receive my bid.

I need my office back now.

But Layla's on the computer at home.

And Bibleboy33 has just beat my record in Dance Dance Absolution.

Okay, look, this is my office. This is my computer. This is my chair.

This is your bum, and this is my boot.

Am I interrupting something?

Yes, a very frightening list.

- Huh. - Ah.

Just putting the finishing touches to this irresistible reno bid.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm resisting.

I've decided to go with Nicky Knudson.

But you haven't received my bid.

Well, there's no need.

Word is you've lost a lot of contracts recently.

Word is correct. I'm totally and completely available.

Well, I'm not sure I'm comfortable working with someone

who can't keep a job. Thanks for your interest.

But I cleared my schedule for you.

Oh, well, I'll just keep it on file.

What have I done?

Yasir?

What are you doing here?

Your laughter wafted out to the street and it was wonderful.

Mr. and Mrs. Wispinski,

I stand before you, a humbled man.

If you forgive me, I will guarantee, in writing,

that not only will I finish your addition before the mud arrives

using the best materials,

but, for your understanding,

I'll also throw in a small discount.

We've made other plans.

Excuse me.

Nicky Knudson?

Yasir Hamoudi.

Hey, Yasir, if your business is going under,

I'm always hiring general laborers.

Business is booming for Nicky.

I just picked up six jobs.

This is awkward.

Nicky is the busiest contractor in Odena.

Yeah, so I've heard.

Yasir, I hate to say I told you so.

- And yet? - I told you so.

Yasir, there's a lesson to be learned here.

Oh, great. First I told you so, now a lesson.

Just gets better and better.

Hello, Muslims.

Yasir, I've been rethinking my choice of contractors.

Excuse me, Reverend.

- Private conversation... - Yes, between me and the Reverend.

Goodbye. Get out. Simple enough for you?

I've got things to do. Shut-ins to see.

- Reverend, come take a seat. - Yes.

Which is why I wanted to apologize to you...

- No problem. - ...For cutting your cable.

All forgotten.

And that wild goose chase for the sea salt.

Do you know how hard it was to find that stuff?

It was in the grocery store, right at the very back.

And... But it's fine.

You are clearly not the person I thought you were.

You're not petty and unforgiving. You're reasonable

and understanding, and it would be wrong for me...

Rayyan, watch out for that car!

Well, looks like I saved your life there, missy.

- But I wasn't going to... - Now we're even.

I'll be sending you my cable bill, Muslim.

So I finally got around to taking a peek at your bid.

- Really? - Yes and I must say...

Was it high? It wasn't too high?

- I wouldn't say... - Sometimes I err on the side of greed.

I do. I'm a little greedy. Mm-hmm.

Listen, why don't I take ten% off.

- Ten? - What am I saying? ten%?

Ten percent is nothing. Why don't I take 15% off.

Fifteen? Yasir.

Yes.

You have yourself a deal.

What about Nicky Knudson?

Oh, no. He's much too busy to do the work. That's what I came here to tell you.

- What? - Yes.

Did you know he just picked up six new jobs?

Yes, I remember them well.

But wait, if he's too busy, then you came here to...

Tell you that you got the job.

Yes, but thanks for the 15%. That was very generous.

Yes. Yes. Give, give, give until it, ooh, hurts.

That's the new Hamoudi motto.

Catchy.

Darling, I got the job.

Oh, we can celebrate.

Yes, well, sort of.

Well, you got the job.

Yes, but I didn't get my price.

Well, you traded all your jobs for one job and less money.

You know, when you say it, you make it sound exactly the way it is.

There's one thing you get more of now.

- What's that? - Time.

Darling, what am I gonna do with time?

Sarah Hamoudi, you are genius.

That's my motto.