Original subtitles

Reverend!

- Getting settled? - Yes.

Feels like home already.

Not my home of course.

Look. You, um, accidentally covered my "Mosque Mixer" poster

with your "Jesus is watching you" poster.

Oh, which reminds me.

Please don't put anything on the church bulletin board

that isn't church business.

But we always post our mosque announcements here.

Maybe that's why my congregation is small.

I mean, it's so confusing.

One side promoting baptisms. The other side, death squads.

Who's promoting death squads?

See, even you're confused.

Look, I know we started off on the wrong foot,

you surprised there was a mosque in the church,

me worried about the future of that mosque.

Yes, good times.

- I'd like to put that behind us now. - Hmm.

Look, every year, the mosque holds a big mixer.

Really? I did not know that.

I was thinking, why don't you host it with me this year?

Hmm, yes, a big event.

The whole town turns up.

I get to work that Thorne magic, and then presto!

The pews fill up a little, the offertory envelopes fill up a lot,

and then I get that call!

"Would you like to move to Toronto?"

- That's the spirit. - Yeah.

Plus we'll get to work together, so you'll see we're not that different.

Hmm.

Amaar, Amaar, Amaar,

are you familiar with the story of the wedding feast at Cana?

Yes, where Jesus converted water into wine.

Very good, yes.

Who was standing beside him?

- No idea. - Exactly.

Jesus was assembling a flock.

He needed a clear message with no distractions. You understand?

- Well, I... - Good.

Then you understand why I can't co-host this event with you?

Yes, but Jesus hosted other events.

The Last Supper, who was beside him there?

Judas.

Baber, I can't talk now. I have a man coming in for an interview.

Finally, a new suitor for Rayyan.

What? No, a new foreman for me.

A growing company needs good men.

So does your daughter, before it's too late.

Stop it. Rayyan is a smart, beautiful woman.

Who's past her prime without a suitor in sight.

Do you want her to end up over the hill, single,

with only one good egg left?

Ah!

Rayyan is not over the hill.

Not yet, which is why you must have your spinster daughter settled right away.

What are you talking about?

Suppose you and Sarah go for a walk down Main Street,

and all of a sudden, bam!

Your brains are on the sidewalk.

Why are our brains all over the sidewalk?

Moped, truck? You decide.

But your precious little flower...

Is left all alone in the world.

Which is why you must have her marry the first man who will have her.

Listen, I would love to introduce her to someone,

but there's just so few men in Mercy.

It's not as if the right fellow is going to walk through the door.

- Yeah... - My name is Yousef.

You here for the interview?

Yes.

Do you think he's Muslim?

It's not legal to ask.

- Um, Assalamu alaikum - Walaikum assalam

Oh, jackpot!

Uh-oh, ketchup chips. What's wrong?

What? I like ketchup chips.

Oh, sure you like them, when you're upset.

When that water faucet came off, ketchup chips.

When you had that June bug infestation, ketchup chips.

When your parents threatened to visit...

Okay, okay, you got me.

It's the mixer.

The mixer? Why? You love the mixer.

This year, I asked Thorne to host it with me. He wasn't interested.

Just throw it yourself, like you always do.

I need him to see that we're an asset.

I've got to convince him to throw the event with me.

Oh, there he is.

Here's your chance.

Now, you get over there and don't take no for an answer,

and don't take maybe for an answer,

and don't take "Excuse me, could you repeat yourself?" for an answer.

Got it.

Welcome to TD Canada Trust. How can I help you today?

Hello there, Helen.

I'm Reverend Thorne from Mercy Anglican.

I'd like to make a withdrawal from the church account.

Certainly, Reverend Thorne.

This is your current balance.

Oh, that's more than I hoped.

With $2,500, I could throw a spectacular event,

which I would love to see you at.

No. This is the decimal point.

Oh. Oh.

$25? No, no, no. That must be some sort of mistake.

No.

What am I supposed to do with $25?

Well, I could recommend a savings plan or a line of credit.

Perhaps overdraft protection?

I appreciate your help, but first,

something else that I need to take advantage of. Thank you.

- Reverend. - Amaar.

I want you to reconsider hosting the mixer with me.

- Okay. - It'll be a good thing for you.

You'll build the church. Be good for me,

show everyone we can work together.

- Exactly. - Think about it.

You'll do the right thing.

Amaar, yes, I will host this mixer with you.

Oh, well, that was a lot easier than I thought.

Well, I guess you're just that good.

- So, you've been in Canada for a year? - Yes.

And you already speak perfect English?

Yes.

Tell me something.

What do you think of strong women?

Very, very strong women.

Annoyingly strong. Strong to a fault.

- Do you like them? - Yes?

I am talking unbearably strong, liberal women.

Baber, you've made your point.

Plainly, he likes, uh,

- dynamic women. - Yes.

He doesn't say much, though, does he?

And your daughter never shuts up. It's a perfect match.

This is going to be the best Mercy mixer ever.

Mercy mixer. Doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it?

Don't worry, it's a great name.

Now, first off, I'm going to welcome everyone.

Then you get to say a word or two.

And then, boom, the pamphlets.

The pamphlets? That's a "boom"?

Of course. And then some other information sheets

for those who want to get into the theology issue.

Theology issue?

Slow down there, slick.

Then we mix. Q&As, discussion groups, the works.

I have a question. Do people actually show up for this?

Yes.

Last year, nearly two dozen.

Call out the riot squad.

Look, I'm sure you're used to some bigger church events.

Used to bigger family gatherings.

Come on, man. This year, let's aim for a hundred.

That's just crazy talk.

Not if we have a hook.

Look, the average Joe doesn't want to spend his day

arguing about who crucified Jesus, the Jews or the Muslims?

Muslims didn't even exist back then.

You see, I'm bored already.

Look, it's important to understand one another's faith.

Yes, here's the thing you need to understand about my faith.

We like fun.

But if you don't want to compromise, I can organize my own event.

No, no, look, of course I can compromise.

Just call me Captain Compromise.

All right, Captain, walk with me.

I remember the time I put an industrial staple into my legs.

It was quite painful.

Oh, Rayyan, what a surprise.

This is Yousef,

a single Muslim man eager to settle down.

This is my darling daughter who is also, coincidentally, single.

My name is Yousef.

Yes, I heard that.

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Yes.

She's usually far more polite.

What is this man doing in our house?

I was thinking of hiring him as a foreman,

and I wanted to get your opinion.

Because medical school taught me what to look for in a contractor.

Exactly. Now go upstairs and fix yourself up.

Which is what I would say if you didn't already look wonderful.

Can you believe my dad is trying to set us up?

Yes.

You know, if it's okay with you,

I would like him to think his little plan is working.

- Yes? - Great.

Okay, I'm going to tell him I want to marry you.

Yes!

- Yes. - Yes!

Yes.

Imagine a place where Christians can laugh with,

not at, Muslims,

a place of tolerance and harmony,

our interfaith fun fair, yes.

There, a dunk tank.

Here, a ring toss.

And here, the pièce de résistance,

a bouncy castle! Huh?

Think of little Timmy and Rasheed jumping up and down in unity.

We're going to have to ship all that stuff in from Regina,

and that isn't cheap.

Shh. You hear that?

That's Rasheed crying because Timmy forced him to eat a bacon sandwich.

Maybe we could find some extra cash for the bouncy castle.

And the dunk tank? Come on, it means so much to me.

Okay, let's do it.

Let's make this the best Mercy mixer ever.

Yes, thank you! Thank you.

Oh, um, how have you paid for this in the past?

Well, the mosque paid, obviously.

Perfect. Why buck tradition?

So, Dad, this new employee of yours.

Yousef. Yes. Are you hitting it off?

You know, it takes a very special father to bring home a man for his daughter

just days after she finds out the man who dumped her

- is engaged to another woman. - Yeah.

A very special father.

And that father is me.

So, do you like him?

- Oh, I really like him. - Of course you do.

- And he likes me. - Of course he does.

In fact, I think it could be serious.

Of course it might be... Serious?

Um, but you did just meet.

Yes, and we get along, which is the basis for a good marriage.

Well, what about love, compatibility, the common interests?

- Dad, I'm not looking for a fairy tale. - Yes, but...

Look, I'm not getting any younger, and if I want to have a family,

I'm going to need to do what women have done for centuries.

I need to settle.

Look, if we can rebuild ties with the reverend,

it's a small price to pay.

No, it is a very big price to pay.

We're going to have to dip into the mosque's reserve funds.

Last week, Thorne thought we were gibbering enemies.

Now, thanks to my brainchild, he sees that if we work together,

great things can happen.

You guys talking about Thorne's big bash?

It's going to be a real humdinger.

Oh, that reminds me. Gotta get new Spanx.

"Come to Mercy Anglican Fun Fair."

Mercy Anglican?

Well, the posters are up all over town.

Don't tell me you haven't heard of it.

No, but I think I'm paying for it.

Oh, yes, yes, you're paying for it

with the damnation of your gullible soul.

Um, darling,

um, this is moving a little too fast.

It's not like I don't like Yousef. I do.

Then you'll love this. He asked me to marry him.

What?

- Well, I hope you let him down easy. - I said yes.

Okay, that's a little too easy.

- You can't possibly marry this man. - He has a name, Dad.

Do you even remember what it is? You just met.

I think there's some non-alcoholic bubbly left over from my last engagement.

Yeah, still bubbly 'cause your last engagement was five minutes ago.

It doesn't make any sense.

It's not like her to fall in love with the first man to come along.

But it is like her to get mad at me for doing "stupid things"

and then get back at me by pretending.

I know what's going on between you and Rayyan, Yousef.

- Yes? - And she thinks she's so clever.

Yes.

It's time that the "clev-er"

becomes the "clev-ee."

Will you help me, Yousef?

- Yes. - Of course you will.

Can you convince her that you really, really want to get married?

- Yes. - Okay, so whatever I do, whatever,

- you just say yes. - Yes.

Ta-da!

One for you, one for you.

- And one for... - Hey!

- And one for you - Oh.

I'll go get another glass.

Non-alcoholic bubbly, what a treat. What are we celebrating?

- My name is Yousef. - Our daughter's getting married.

Cheers.

So, I was walking through town and guess what I found.

An opera house? No?

Oh, yes. Do you like it?

- Like it? I love it. - Good.

I was being sarcastic.

Oh, so something's wrong?

"Come to Mercy Anglican Fun Fair."

Is that a problem?

- No, no problem at all. - Good.

I was being sarcastic again.

Do you want to know what bothers me?

Your inability to pull off sarcasm?

No.

We're supposed to be co-hosting the event,

letting the community know we get along.

Who's going to even know I'm involved?

And I thought I was doing a good thing,

taking care of all the publicity all by myself,

but you're so upset.

I am so very sorry, Amaar.

Now, that's sarcasm!

Engaged? Our daughter's engaged again, already?

Are you crazy? What are you thinking?

It's all about her happiness, darling. It's all going to be fine.

- Look at him squirm. - Yes.

- Who are you calling? - My brother.

- Oh. - He coming.

To the wedding?

Okay, whoa, stop, Yousef.

- You know this is a ruse. - Yes.

What is ruse?

You know this is a joke, right?

- No. - Uh-oh.

Rayyan? Rayyan.

Oh. Yousef, are you really going to go through with this?

- Marrying somebody you barely know? - Yes.

- Tell me why. - No.

- Oh, please. - No.

Oh, come on.

- Yes. - Oh, thank God.

- No. - Why are you torturing me?

No hit. I call my brother.

- What? - He speak English.

Oh, you don't speak English.

Oh, I think I know what's going on around here.

Hey, Fred. Looking forward to the event on Saturday?

Abs-itively, yeah. Hand washed my y-fronts and everything.

You don't want boxers in a bouncy castle.

Let's not talk about this.

Important thing is we're bringing the community together.

We have the Reverend to thank for it.

You could really learn a thing or two from the new Rev.

He's been here a week, he's already getting everybody together.

Well, it's possible he had a little help, a little wind beneath his wings.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did.

No, some folks are just gifted that way, you know.

Look, it was my idea for the event.

Oh, yeah? Well, then why isn't your name on the poster?

Dad, a little word?

It's Yousef. He's serious.

Yeah, we're all serious, darling. This wedding must happen.

No, he's serious.

You mean, you're not?

- Are you? - Well, are you?

- I know what you're up to. - I know what you're up to.

- You set me up. - After you set me up.

You set me up in the first place by bringing him here.

I did do that, yes.

But you would marry a complete stranger to teach me a lesson?

Oh, and you would give me away to teach me a lesson?

That about sums it up, yes.

- You have to talk him out of it. - You talk him out of it.

We'll both talk him out of it.

"Mercy mosque invites you to the Mercy Interfaith Mixer."

That is dull, joyless, uninspired.

Now, that's what I call Muslim.

Look, Yousef.

I'd be thrilled to marry you,

but you have to know, I'm damaged goods.

She's damaged beyond repair.

The last man I was engaged to left me in the middle of our wedding.

I'm surprised he didn't bail earlier.

I was distant, judgmental. I always had to have my own way.

And would you really want me as a father-in-law?

I'm a terrible man.

More terrible than you can imagine.

If you want to back out, we won't hold it against you.

You want to back out, don't you?

No.

You want to get married?

Yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

Hello, everyone.

- Hello, Mayor. - Is it?

Sorry. That line works better when you say "good day."

You're upset about something?

I'm upset

about this poster.

"Relaxing home massage by Guido."

That's mine.

I mean this.

Oh, yes, that's our annual mixer.

Mm-hmm.

On the same day as the fun fair?

That is the fun fair.

No, no, no.

This is the fun fair.

No, that's your massage again,

but my mixer is the same thing as a fun fair.

No, no, no. A mixer is not a fun fair.

A fun fair is fun.

The mixer is Muslim.

What's the difference? They're both my parties.

So, you are taking over his party, too?

He doesn't have a party.

He most certainly does.

- Massage again? - Yes.

Damn.

Excuse me a second.

- Can I get a little help here? - No, you're doing fine.

Okay, there's be a lot of confusion.

Yes, even I'm not clear as to whose party is whose anymore.

There's only one party.

I'll take your word for it.

I'm gonna have to pull the plug.

There's no sense in having it if you're gonna try to hog all the glory.

You'd really cancel my party?

I would. You wouldn't want that.

- And nobody wins. - No. No, you're right.

Let me take care of this, okay?

Everyone.

Um, Amaar and I have spoken,

and he's very upset.

So, out of respect for his feelings,

I'm officially cancelling the whole thing.

What?

- You can't cancel it. - No, no, Amaar, Amaar.

I insist.

Why do you hate good times?

Rayyan, we need to talk about this engagement.

- Tell me about it. - I know what you're going to say.

We need to move the whole thing up.

So, I called Amaar, and he can marry you tomorrow.

You called Amaar?

Well, do you know how hurt he would be if we used somebody else?

I've also got Fatima and Anne making phone calls,

so by now the whole town knows.

Okay, this is a nightmare. I can't marry Yousef.

Well, you gave him your word.

You weren't playing with him, were you?

No, I was teaching dad a lesson.

I could never marry Yousef. I never wanted to.

You understand that, right?

- Yes. - Oh.

You seem like a very nice man,

and I feel like a horrible person.

You toyed with his feelings.

Shame on you.

And on you.

You started this whole thing with your meddling.

Wait a second. There's a fine line between meddling and...

Shame on me.

Can you ever forgive me?

- And me? - To think this whole thing started bec...

Why did this whole thing start?

I was trying to hire a foreman.

Oh, I see. Interesting.

So, does he get the job?

- Yes. - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

Hello. Good to see ya. Hi.

- Yeah! - Whoa!

Heck of an arm on that kid, huh?

Wow. You know, I want to thank each and every one of you

for making this event possible. Praise God.

And praise Allah, yeah. Allah, yeah.

Actually, I heard this event was made possible

by a sizable contribution from an anonymous donor.

- Interesting. - What...

You?

That's a very generous way to welcome him to town.

Well, the party is not for him.

It's for them.

Hey, Abdullah,

your five minutes is up, all right?

Let's go.

Timmy, you keep jumping. Take your time, all right?

Sister Sarah,

I have found the perfect suitor for Rayyan.

He's 60 with six children.

There will be no pressure to reproduce.

Sorry, Baber, not interested.

You dare speak like that in front of him?

If his hearing was any better, you'd hurt his feelings. Shh.

Rayyan will find somebody when she's ready, or not. It's up to her.

Astaghfirullah, it is people like you who make women believe

they do not need a man to be happy.

- What? - Come.

What a lovely event.

I get the feeling I'm growing many new congregants here.

Congregants who are growing much more comfortable

with their Muslim neighbors.

Touché, Amaar, touché.