Original subtitles

Oh, dear God.

This is Mercy Anglican?

- Sure is. - Delightful.

Uh, how far is it to town?

This is town.

Delightful.

Welcome to downtown Mercy.

Delightful. This is downtown Mercy.

How many times will I have to say that for it to feel real?

- Hello, Amaar. - Oh, Mrs. Wispinski.

I just wanted to thank you again for your spiritual help.

I was so worried when my Alvin stopped attending church.

Have patience, Mrs. Wispinski.

End of the day, what's important is not whether he goes to church,

what's important is his soul. He's a good man.

Oh. Well, you should hear him eat. He sounds like a wood chipper.

Anyway, thank you.

Uh, did you just talk that woman out of bringing her husband to church?

Oh, well, no, that's not what it's like.

The Reverend Magee asked me to look in on his flock when he left.

So, you're a parishioner.

No, I'm an imam.

That's like a Muslim priest.

So, you're a Muslim convincing Christians not to go to church?

Well, it sounds bad when you put it like that.

- It sure does. - No, no, no.

Our mosque is in the church and...

A mosque in a church? It's outrageous.

Well, Reverend Magee believed in

finding the common good between all faiths and that's why he...

He couldn't take it and snapped.

Can't blame him. Look at this place. It's the end of hope.

No, no, no. It's not even the end of hope,

it's in the greater end-of-hope area with bus service to the end of hope.

I thought you said you found it "delightful".

- I was being polite. - All right.

If you don't like our town, please feel free to move on.

I wish. Here, take my bags.

I'm William Thorne. I'm the new priest.

Delightful.

Had that weird dream again.

In one where you're about to marry J.J and he turns in to a giant rat?

- Right, but this time, after J. - J rejects me,

I push him off a cliff

and he impales himself on a branch.

But here's the funny part:

he has no heart, so he's okay. I wish I knew what that meant.

Well, sometimes a dream is just a dream.

Or maybe you're still upset with J.J for breaking up with you

during your wedding vows.

No, that's not what I'm upset about.

I'm upset about everyone still talking

- about J. - J breaking up with me during our vows.

People are not talking about you. It's just your imagination.

No, they are, too.

They say that I'm devastated. They say that I'm humiliated.

They say that I'm pathetic. They say...

You'll never be the same. We've heard all those stories.

Ouch!

Maybe we haven't.

What stories?

Have you heard the one about how I put on my wedding dress

and stare at photos of J.J...

Yes! While blasting country music.

Ah! My shin!

Ring-ring. Got to get that.

First stop, on the guided tour.

Ah.

Excuse me, you're gonna need to take your shoes off.

Of course, you wanna protect your investment.

There must be $10 in carpet here.

True, it is a modest prayer hall,

but the hall is the heart of the Muslim community.

Ah, look at that stage.

I can just see a youth group up there performing Godspell or Gaslight.

Well, that would require a youth group, which would require a youth.

Your church membership is kinda low.

Yes, that's why I was sent here. To build the congregation.

But see, a church hall like this... Uh...

Oh, that's the prayer barrier, so that the women can pray with the men.

A great leap into the 14th century.

Assalamu alaikum, Amaar.

Walaikum assalam, Baber.

I'll need subtitles.

Excuse me. Baber Siddiqui, this is the new Reverend, William Thorne.

I would like to say you are welcome in our humble mosque,

but that would be a lie.

Oh, he speaks English. How nice.

Sometimes I wish he didn't.

And sometimes I wish

that we had a real mosque with a real imam and no Anglicans.

Baber, two. Holy men, zero. Baber out.

- Baber out. - Charming.

- Shall we continue with the tour? - Yes.

Look, an invite to The Marriage of Figaro tonight.

- Oh. - I'd love to, but in Saskatchewan,

- Earth's little purgatory. - That's good.

- Come on! Come on! - Yasir.

- Oh! - Hello!

- You must be the new Reverend. - Yes.

Yasir would be delighted to meet you, sir, Father...

Your Majesty.

And to think Jesus drove the money changers form the temple.

Yasir, I was telling Reverend Thorne that your work never disrupts

- Mercy Anglican's routine. - Yeah, you will not even notice me.

No... No noise at all. In fact, almost perfect silence.

Oh. And you're armed.

Hello, my little darlings.

And the rest of the Hamoudi family,

- Sarah and Rayyan. - Ah.

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't...

In Islam, men and women don't touch

- unless they're married. - Ah.

Oh, but I touch all kinds of men.

I used to be Anglican, but I converted when I married Yasir.

Our loss.

This is yours.

- Is it your birthday? - No.

I'm returning wedding gifts.

Oh, is that a Muslim thing?

- No. - No. It's a runaway groom thing.

Amaar was marrying us, but my fiancé bolted in the midst of our vows.

It's okay.

What? He may as well hear it from me.

It's all the gossips talk at Fatima's.

Okay, it was very nice to meet you, but we have to get going.

We have gifts to return.

Bye.

Delightful, aren't they?

Poor woman.

What a public way to fail.

I wouldn't say Rayyan failed.

No, no, not her, you.

As her spiritual leader,

you missed all the signs that her fiancé was wrong for her.

So, the church!

Ah, now this, more like it. Yes.

It's not as nice as I hoped, but sufficient for my needs.

I understand if you wanna leave.

Why would I?

Well, this is the house of Lord Jesus. Have you heard the good news?

Yes, you know, Jesus is a respected prophet in Islam.

You say tomato, I say son of God.

Christianity and Islam have a lot more in common that you might think.

Yes, apparently they share a church.

Ah.

Ah, I can hear it now.

Thousand voices singing songs of praise and deliverance,

thousand hearts filled with the glory of the Holy Ghost.

Thousand?

That is wishful thinking.

No, that's a prayer.

See, we're not quitters. I mean, Christ was crucified.

Did he let that slow him down? No!

Sure he took a few days off, but then, he was all business.

Yes, but a thousand?

I have faith.

And with faith, you can see God's glory in even

the most humble of chapels.

And when Bishop Edmonds see that glory, its arrivederci mudville

and hello plum Toronto parish!

Can't believe I was worried about what people would say.

So, you're off the couch, and out of your wedding dress.

Well, I'm sorry that it took me so long to return your gift.

So am I.

I missed the return date for the bread maker.

You owe me $55.99 plus shipping.

- Baber, your gift is in here somewhere. - No, no, keep it.

So, tell me, which music is best to cry to?

Dolly Parton or Randy Travis?

Not going to dignify that with an answer.

Man-gift.

Your father gave me one just like this on our wedding day.

Looks like someone wrapped it with his feet.

There's no card.

It must be from J.J.

Open it. Open it.

Are you crazy? I'm that curious about that stupid gift.

Me, too.

Well, it maybe mudville, but it's ours and I'm sure you'll learn to love it, too.

Good one.

Oh, you're serious.

Look, the important thing is that Mercy will learn to love me.

Yes, well that may take some time.

Usually takes people a while to warm up in a small town.

Yoo-hoo!

Well, you shouldn't have.

Oh, hello, Reverend. I'm sorry, I didn't realize who you were earlier.

Baber told me that you had arrived.

Ranted about it, actually. Colorful little man.

Rhubarb pie, thank you!

Now, this is what I call a proper Anglican welcome.

Oh, well, it's so wonderful to finally have a real priest here.

Although, Amaar has been a very good stand-in.

- Yes, Mrs... - Wispinski.

Wispinski, is it? I understand that your husband has strayed from the church?

Oh, yes, but Amaar said that...

No matter what some people have said, that is not good. No. Not at all.

Now, when would be a good time for me

to drop by and remind him of the imminent peril to his immortal soul.

Oh.

You're not even a smidgen curious about what's inside?

I'm not even... What's smaller than a smidgen?

A tad, I think... No, an iota.

Honey, I understand, you have to stay true to your principles.

- Oh, look, the wrapping's loose. - Mom.

- No, no, look, it's really loose. - Mom, don't!

Oh, it's not my fault, it's bad man-wrapping.

It's a plastic compass?

That's good. I thought it might be a great gift,

like the diamond studs your father gave me.

It's the perfect gift.

J.J knows I always get confused about which direction to face when I pray.

"So you can always find your way."

Oh, that's sweet, or would be if he hadn't skedaddled.

This is the most loving gift I've ever received.

Well, that's the end of our tour.

And there's just one more thing you should know.

- Mm-hmm. - That's my desk and this is my office.

Oh.

So, you took the big office for yourself, huh?

I didn't take it. Reverend Magee offered it

and I accepted. He took the small office.

The dingy one? Jammed with volleyballs?

He didn't use it.

He said he liked to be among his parishioners.

Yes, all three of them.

Um, Ameer...

Uh...

Amaar.

Right, right, I'm sorry. I'm bad at those funny foreign names.

Amaar, when you say at a friend's house and he offers you the master bedroom,

don't you insist on the guest room,

knowing that your host is just being polite?

You want my office.

I appreciate the offer and I accept. Thank you.

No, but I didn't actually...

You must be so sick of being the red-headed stepchild

whining for a handout. I mean,

don't you dream of having a place of your own?

Sure, a place of our own would be great.

Yes, and I'll help you chase that dream.

Together, we'll get you your own mosque so fast, it'll make your turban spin.

Now, that is a wedding dress.

Rayyan!

Mom, what are you doing home?

I lost my cell phone. Have you seen it?

Oh. There.

Rayyan.

I dropped my pen

in my wedding dress.

I suppose now might be a good time to talk about your feelings?

Feelings? No, I don't have any feelings. Uh-uh.

- Oh, that's J. - J's stuff.

It's just cards and photos and...

Go ahead, call me pathetic.

I wouldn't call you pathetic. I'd call you human.

I'd also call that a really great wedding dress.

- I know, right? - Oh.

I just don't get it. This doesn't make any sense.

Well, that's North, I think.

I don't know. You get your sense of direction from me.

No, Mom, don't you see? The compass is the perfect gift.

The perfect gift can only come from the perfect man.

So, why would the perfect man walk away from the perfect match?

- Unless... - I don't like where this is going.

- He wanted me to follow. - Honey.

- It was a test. - Honey.

He wanted me to say, "No, don't go," but I didn't say it.

Honey, honey, look at me.

I gotta call him and get him back.

What?

So, what makes you think Thorne wants us out?

Just a feeling.

Hello!

- Could I get a copy of the lease? - Why would you need that?

Oh, just so I know my exact legal obligations to you people.

There's that feeling again.

Thank Allah you're a lawyer. That must be one bulletproof lease.

Tell me there's a lease.

There is no lease.

You know what a lease is?

Look, we had one, and at the end of the first year,

I renewed our agreement with Magee.

Well, then just give him a copy.

We shook hands.

Your law degree,

did you find it advertised on the back of a matchbox cover?

Snap out of it. You are making no sense.

Oh, yeah? I'll show you who's making no sense.

- J. - Hello. - J.J, it's Rayyan.

I'm doing great, thanks.

Look, I've just been thinking a lot about you and how you pushed me away.

You've been meaning to call?

Well, I just wanted to tell you

that I really do want you...

Sorry, we spoke at the same time there. You said...

You're engaged

to be married

to a woman

who isn't me.

Oh.

Yeah, that was my first sermon, there.

Look at those people, they obviously adored you.

- Yeah. - Yes.

- Anyway, no Amaar? - No Amaar.

No Amaar, he's out, um, somewhere, could be a while.

Well, if you do see him, he knows where I live.

- Right. - Right.

- I feel like such a liar. - No, no, I'm the liar.

You're the coward.

This is wrong. I've gotta tell him the truth.

No, do not tell him the truth.

Once he finds out we have no lease, then what'd we do?

Well, we're going to have to find another mosque

- and you'll have to find an office. - Where?

Mercy's small, but there's gotta be someplace.

There is no other place. Anywhere.

I have to tell Thorne the truth. This way, he might treat us fairly.

Oh! Hello, Amo.

It's Amaar.

Oh, right.

Look, I should tell you something. Something I should have told you earlier.

We don't exactly have a lease.

Well, what exactly do you have?

- No lease. - Hmm.

Reverend Magee and I felt we didn't need one.

We shook hands.

I tell you, in a big, bad, cynical world, that is such a breath of fresh air.

- Really? - Yes, and a real godsend for me.

Don't worry, I'll draw up a lease.

- No, no. I'm not worried. - We'll just...

Not anymore, here, have a pie.

Hey, Rayyan. Didn't expect to see you up and about.

Yes, I know,

but I'm fine. I'm better than fine.

I'm wonderful.

I just have this last gift to return, yours, and then, all this is behind me.

That's right, folks, when it's time to lube your tractor,

nobody lubes your tractor like Manford's Tractor Lube.

Hey, guess who walked into the old studio over here, Mercy.

Our very own, Dr. Rayyan Hamoudi.

And she's looking darn chipper, if I do say so myself.

And why not? As far as I'm concerned, you know,

- that J. - J stiff made the biggest mistake of his life when he dumped her.

Where is he ever going to find someone to replace her?

I mean, she's irreplaceable is what she is.

One of a kind. He will never, ever find somebody to take the place of her.

He replaced me. Okay, you happy?

He found someone else. Someone better.

But do I care? No. I'm over it.

- Do you get that, Fred? - Not the face. Not the face.

I wanna silence all the gossip, right now, Mercy.

Do you hear me? I'm here to silence all the gossip.

Yeah. That'll silence all the gossip, all right.

Now, this should take care of one of my infestations.

William.

Oh!

Amaar! There you are. I've been looking high and low for you.

I was hoping to find the Reverend so he could sign this lease.

I also wanted a pony once, but neither is going to happen.

Oh, you know, when Reverend Magee left,

I thought, "Well, that's that. Hello, Lutherans,"

but I almost like Reverend Thorne better.

It doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eye.

That butt alone makes we wanna scream Hallelujah.

Well, I'm glad you're glad, Mrs. Wispinski.

You brought some more baking for the Reverend.

Oh, no, no, no, these are for you.

- Oh. - Just to say how pleased I am

that you Muslims are here in our church.

That's sweet, but I don't think we're going to be here longer.

The Reverend is going to ask us to leave.

No, he's not that sort of man.

He knows that we, Mercy Anglicanites just love our little brown Muslims.

And it's not just me, that goes for Mrs. Hobbs and Margery,

the one with the milky eye?

All the ladies of the Steering committee.

Mercy Anglicans wouldn't feel so, hmm,

cosmopolitan if you Muslims weren't here.

Well, would you like me to put these in your office?

These smell fantastic.

I heard you on the radio today.

Oh, I see you're enjoying my wedding gift.

What? But you bought me the toaster.

Are you mad? Those things cost $25.

I would not spend that on a relationship which has no future.

Helps to keep it right-side-up.

- So, you gave me the compass? - Mm-hmm.

Do you realize what this means?

J.J didn't understand me.

Of course not, nobody understands you.

Well, that's the best news today.

That is one terrible day.

Mmm.

Mrs. Wispinski, these treats are delicious.

Well, I'll tell you what my secret is.

Lots of lard, rendered right here in Mercy's own pork plant.

Ah, there you are. I was looking for you.

And I was looking for you, too.

Well, if this is a private talk, I could leave.

No, no, no, Mrs. Wispinski, please stay.

Sit.

- Well. - You know?

Some people find it strange

to have Muslims take up residence in an Anglican church.

Odd, repugnant.

But I, personally think

that our Muslims make us quite cosmopolitan.

Oh.

Yeah, so, at the risk of being unpopular,

it is my supreme delight to invite you Muslims to stay.

Oh!

Great, let's put that in writing.

Ah, better yet, Amaar,

if a handshake was good enough for you and Reverend Magee,

- it's good enough for me. - I'd love my office back.

Of course, you would.

You see, I told you he was a real gentleman.

Wait until the ladies hear about this.

And, of course, I'll give you your office back.

You won't regret this, William.

Please, call me Reverend Thorne.

Why would you go to Reverend Thorne's sermon?

Goodwill.

Besides, who knows, Thorne could be a friend one day.

I'm going to stay optimistic.

My brothers and sisters, Jesus urged us to love our enemies.

Enemies who say that Jesus was a prophet and not the messiah,

love them.

Enemies who pray in gibbering tongue, dressed in colorful outlandish garb,

choke back your gorge and love them.

Yes, my brothers and sisters,

love your enemies, but never forget,

they are

your

enemies.