Original subtitles

Okay.

Wedding invitations...

Embossed or engraved?

Sorry?

Bumpy or not bumpy?

I could go either way.

Good luck with him.

Um...

Um, okay, napkins. We can get rings or we could just fold them?

- Tough call. - Mmm.

Maybe I should let you handle this one, hmm?

Right.

- Okay, let's talk about centerpieces. - Can we?

I didn't know how to ask.

Oh. Look at you, Mr. Sarcastic Pants.

I'm sorry. I'm not very good with this kind of thing.

"Mr. Sarcastic Pants"?

Yeah, it's a little something I've been working on.

Oh, nice.

Hey, listen, we've been doing so much wedding stuff,

maybe it'd be nice this weekend to take a break and do something fun.

That is so sweet.

I would love to.

Oh, great.

Especially since I... I may have to go back to...

Dubai for a few weeks.

- Dubai? - Yeah.

My father wants me to oversee a project there.

Oh.

So, are you gonna go?

I was thinking about it, yeah.

Are you upset?

No. No, why would I be upset?

- So I should go then? - Yes.

You should go if you want to.

- So, I'll go? - J.J., I just said,

"if you want to."

Wow, look at you, Miss...

Grumpy-Hijab...

Please... A hijab can't be grumpy.

All right, but my pants can be sarcastic, huh?

Layla gave me her new report card this morning.

I am so disappointed.

- Bad news, huh? - Huh.

Baber, these marks are excellent.

- Practically straight A's. - Exactly.

The standards at these high schools are far too low.

This is why my university students do not know the meaning of hard work.

Shouldn't you be teaching right now?

- I took a sabbatical. Too much work. - Baber,

maybe you should trust that Layla is a good student,

and be proud of her achievements.

- You think so? - Of course.

What else are you gonna do?

Go down to her school and complain that your daughter is doing too well?

Why didn't I think of that?

Hmm. Thank you, Brother Amaar.

Baber, I was being rhetorical.

And I appreciate it.

Goal! Goal!

- Isn't this an amazing match or what? - It's hard to say.

Only 75 minutes in and someone's already scored.

Now, we were talking about Dubai, no?

Yeah, it's only for a few weeks.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And what does Rayyan think about that?

She said she was fine with it.

Really? What were her exact words?

Uh, she said, "You should go if you want to."

"If you want to"?

J.J., when a woman says "if you want to,"

it means she does not want you to go ever... Ever.

But if she was upset about it, why wouldn't she just say so?

Sarah, um...

I know we had a picnic planned for this afternoon,

but I was thinking of hanging out with Amaar instead.

- Is that all right with you? - Sure, honey. If you want to.

I'm gonna pay for that.

But you see. I hate to say this, J.J.

But I think you and Rayyan are about to have your first real fight.

Well, what do I do?

- Take her out for dinner. - And that'll make everything better?

That's just the first step.

What's the next step?

I don't know. After the meal, I'm usually out of ideas.

Ooh!

Mr. Siddiqui, your daughter's marks are very impressive.

What is that supposed to mean?

It's a compliment. I... I'm being encouraging.

Ah, I knew it.

Tell me, do your teaching staff act like this with your students as well? Hmm?

Well, sometimes we like to cane them with a stick of demotivation,

but we find this works better.

There is a stick?

No, there's no stick, Mr. Siddiqui.

Your daughter's a bright girl. She earned these marks.

Of course she is. She's my daughter. But...

If you give a student everything they deserve,

then you destroy their initiative.

I like you, Mr. S...

Your passion as an educator.

More flattery...

Go on.

Well, it's just one of our math teachers is taking maternity leave.

You wouldn't be interested in doing a little...

Substitute teaching, would you?

Mr. Bowman, I am a professor of economics.

I do not intend to spend my sabbatical teaching in this

happy-time-feel-good-factory that you call a school.

Well, suit yourself.

And thanks so much for coming in.

Yo-yo.

You confiscated this from a student?

No, no. We give these out.

Kind of like a reward, you know.

- Reward for what? - Attendance.

That way, everyone gets one. Hmm.

You know... You need me.

I will take that job.

Great.

So, what did you say?

- I said he should go if he wants to. - Yeah.

It's just a couple of weeks. It'll be fine.

I know. That's why I said he should go.

- If he wants to. - Yes.

It'll be fine.

I know.

Mom...

I know that back in your day, men and women were different.

Yeah, well, World War I really put us on edge.

I mean... My generation doesn't play those games. We say what we mean.

- Honey, it's nice that you think that. - What do you mean?

Nothing. Just that when you and J.J. fight about this,

I don't want it to get out of control.

Mom, we're not going to fight.

I am honestly, completely, totally fine

with J.J. going to Dubai for a few weeks...

If he wants to.

Yeah.

Layla, close your eyes.

I have a surprise for you.

Okay, open them.

Ta-da!

Uh...

I don't get it. What's the surprise?

Yeah. Perhaps I should have gone with something a bit more visual, huh?

- What's going on? - Great news.

I am going to substitute at your school,

while your math teacher has a baby.

What?

- Mmm-hmm. - How?

Oh, boy. Um...

Well, you see...

When a man and a woman love each other very much,

they share a special kind of nap.

Oh, no!

I mean, why are you going to substitute?

Your principal said that the school was falling apart without me.

Principal Bowman said that?

Hmm. He said it with his eyes.

But, the important thing

is that you and I get to spend time together.

What do you think of that?

I think this is usually the part where I wake up sweating.

Yes, it is just like a dream.

I'm so glad Amaar suggested this.

Amaar!

- Well, I am now observing. - Mmm-hmm.

Are they arguing yet? I can't tell from here.

I don't know, Yasir.

But I feel guilty sitting here, watching them like this.

We're chaperons. We're supposed to be watching them like this.

Good point.

Anyway, Rayyan said she wasn't upset about the whole Dubai thing.

So, maybe couples today do just say what they mean.

How's the beef? Is it good?

J.J., you just asked me that. I'm happy to give you some.

No, no. It's okay.

- I'm happy with my chicken. - Okay.

I wish I ordered the beef.

Yes, I'm starting to wish that, too.

So, um...

I was thinking... I might not go to Dubai.

- Really? Why? - Well...

I got the impression that maybe you didn't want me to.

So, it's fine.

No, I meant what I said.

You should go if you want to.

No, no, it's okay.

I don't want to.

I don't think I want to. Do you want me to "want to?"

What part of "if you want to" isn't clear?

I thought you were being... I mean...

Sometimes people say one thing but they mean another...

You thought I was being passive-aggressive?

No, I...

Yes.

Okay.

I was talking to your father, right?

You were talking to my dad about this?

- But this has nothing to do with him. - He brought it up.

He brought up a conversation that you and I had,

that he wasn't even there for in the first place?

The reason I said, "Go to Dubai if you want to"

was so you'd actually make a choice, based on what you wanted for once.

Is this about the invitations?

Okay, fine.

Let's go with the bumpy embossed.

You like the embossed, right?

It's not about the invitations.

This is a lot bigger than that.

The centerpiece?

How can you not understand what I'm saying?

Oh, this is going badly.

I've lost my appetite.

Yeah, me too.

I'll have him out of here in no time.

- You think? - For sure.

Remember the last sub?

- He didn't last a day. - Right.

We were so merciless.

Oh, man!

Relax. Maybe... No one will notice you guys are related.

Hello, class.

I am Mr. Siddiqui, Layla Siddiqui's father.

But you may call me Professor Siddiqui.

This is too easy.

We're gonna destroy him.

Destroy?

- Here, I will spell it. - Wait.

Uh... use this chalk.

It's better.

Uh, and probably this one has no toothpaste either, huh?

Mmm. Fresh mint. Very good choice.

The old chalk in the eraser brush trick. Very, very clever.

Any more chalk-related humor or can we continue?

Now, today we are going to discuss geometry.

Hey, Layla.

- I'm locked and loaded. - What?

No, wait! Abort! Abort!

Oh!

Hmm. Ah!

Our first volunteer, step right up.

How do you know it's me?

I calculated the trajectory.

And you all thought geometry was useless, no?

Hey, what do you know, they actually like him.

Wait...

That's worse.

I have no idea what happened.

One minute we were having dinner together

at a nice restaurant and the next... Kaboom!

Kitchen fire?

Figurative "kaboom."

Guys, I don't know what to do.

Don't look at me. I have had bad luck giving advice recently.

Well, advice is a tricky business.

You can't just rifle off the first thing that comes to mind.

You know, Yasir. I'm an imam...

And a fine one at that.

Now, what I mean is, with this situation, we have to think about it carefully.

And thoroughly.

- Okay, I've got it. - Very thorough.

J.J., obviously, Rayyan wants you to reach out to her right now.

Figuratively... Reach out.

Talk to her

about her emotions, about what she's feeling.

If I were you,

I'd stay as close to her as possible.

Really communicate.

Thanks, Yasir. What do you think, Amaar?

I think I agree with Yasir.

Weird.

I know.

It scares me a little, too.

Thanks, guys.

Yes, Scott.

I don't understand.

- We have all these numbers. - Mmm-hmm.

And then all of a sudden... Letters.

- Yeah. - Perhaps if I use a real-world example

to illustrate the problem.

Just last week, I found one of Layla's smelly socks on the floor.

- Dad! - Yes, sweetie?

Now, wanting to get this very smelly sock

out of my hands as quickly as possible,

I threw it to the hamper across the room.

Now, if X is the amount it will drop when I throw it

and gravity is minus 32 feet per second squared,

how far above the hamper

must I aim, in order for the sock to fall into the basket?

We don't have the speed of the sock or the distance to the hamper.

Wait a minute.

This is another one of your trick questions, isn't it?

Precisely. Very good, Scott.

But, of course, in the end,

I threw the sock into garbage instead of the hamper,

because that sock... Oh, boy...

...was completely unsalvageable.

I'm worried about this J.J. thing, Mom.

What will happen if he gets on a plane to Dubai right now?

Don't worry. He will get a hot meal.

It's an international flight.

Rayyan and J.J. had a fight, Fatima.

Foolish young people.

Do you know what my late husband, God rest his soul, and I did

when we had a fight?

- Resolved to never go to bed angry? - No.

We went to bed angry all the time.

The arguments dragged on for days.

"Don't go to bed angry"? Why did we not think of this idea?

I was too hard on J.J.

What if he gets so fed up with me that he calls the whole thing off?

Oh, honey, it'll all blow over.

The important thing is to give J.J. Some space. Back off.

- Let him have some guy time. - Really?

"Don't go to bed angry." It only makes sense.

Absolutely, sweetie.

Take a vacation from the heavy stuff.

Feelings, emotions...

I don't know.

I told him I did not like his pajamas.

We fought for a month.

Okay. I'm on it.

So how are you feeling?

Just great.

Except for the fact that everyone

is calling me Smelly Socks and Smelly Siddiqui.

And Smeyla. I heard that in the tech hallway.

It's fine.

It's one hour of my day and its temporary.

I won't let it get to me.

And that is why they call it Gross National Product.

But seriously... That is how the International Monetary Fund

keeps Third World countries impoverished.

So true, Mr. S.

So true.

Your dad really gets it, Layla.

What's going on?

I'm just talking to your friends about world economics.

And I am "getting it," whatever that means.

Why are you sitting with them?

Apparently, I am the cool teacher.

They actually enjoy my company.

Are you sure they don't just enjoy you, ironically?

Ooh, snap. Good one.

Did you just say "snap"?

- Hey, Mr. S. What's up? - Hey.

'Sup, Smeyla?

- As-Salaam-Alaikum. - Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.

There she is. What should I do?

Well, you could always try the old

walk-up-to-her-and-say-something trick.

- As-Salaam-Alaikum. - Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.

Hey, can I talk to you for one sec?

Uh... sure.

- About last night, I, uh, I feel... - No, no feelings.

Everything is hunky-dory.

I don't even remember what we were fighting about.

Oh.

Okay, good.

'Cause I was never clear on it to begin with.

Okay.

- I'm gonna go and... - Wait.

Listen. I was thinking maybe we could... We could take a walk.

I want to hear all about your thoughts

and anything else that you want to communicate about.

- Are you feeling okay? - Never better.

- Okay. - Unless you're not happy...

In which case, not "never better."

Worse even.

Let's talk.

No. You know what?

Come here.

You and Amaar should

spend some quality guy time together.

Hang out. Tear it up.

Do what guys do. Catch up with you later.

- Uh... Guy time? - Hey?

So, uh... Guy time.

Guy time! There's nothing like it.

So much fun.

So official.

- Hey, Reverend Magee. - Duncan. How are you?

- Good. - Would you like

- to spend little guy time? - Yeah.

Guy time?

You bet. What kind of trouble are we getting up to?

Not sure.

So, what brings you to my office today?

New yo-yo? You need a new yo-yo?

I'm good. I actually want to talk about my dad.

You should be proud of him. He's an inspiration to us all.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's a compliment.

You guys don't go for the nurturing thing at the Siddiqui household much, do you?

I know my dad's a good teacher,

but he's a university professor.

- And... - It doesn't make sense.

A professor working as a high school sub?

I'm worried it's demeaning.

Wow. Okay, 'Cause I was thinking the exact same thing today.

I'm glad you understand.

I do, that's why I offered your father a full-time position.

- Come again? - Oh, yeah.

He said he wasn't sure if he could accept.

Oh, okay.

Then he's like, "Just kidding." Climbed right on board.

So, a teaspoon of lemon juice, huh?

I'm telling you, your clothes will stay fresh for days.

I think our guy time just hit rock bottom.

- Yasir! - Yasir, As-Salaam-Alaikum.

Wa-Alaikum-Salaam, lads. What's going on?

Well, we're having guy time. You want a piece?

- A piece of what? - A piece of the... action.

I hate guy time.

Rayyan!

J.J., I just planted those.

These are for you.

Aw, thanks, J.J.

- That's really sweet. - I was thinking,

if you're not busy, maybe we could put on a big pot of chamomile tea

and watch Trading Spaces.

That's still a thing?

Um...

No, no. You go ahead. You do the guy time.

But I wanna hang out with you.

- Really? - If it's what you want.

Talk to you later.

I bet this is when guys who aren't Muslim go drinking.

Ah, I knew there was something our guy time was missing.

Sorry, boys. But I'm Anglican.

Layla, honey. I'm home.

Why will you not talk to me? What's up with that?

Dad, please don't say, "What's up with that?"

Why will you not talk to me?

I want to tell you all about my glorious day.

- I've been made... - Permanent. I know.

Your glorious day is my worst day ever.

What do you mean by that?

Why do you even want this job? You can go back to the university.

- I like it at your school. - Yeah, I know.

- Because you're cool. - Please.

The children only enjoy me ironically, I know that.

Then why?

Because I want to be around you.

Part of the reason

I took the sabbatical was so you and I could spend time together.

The university is so far away.

I spend all my time, it seems, either driving or teaching.

- Or judging. - There's always time for judging.

Layla, you are all I have in this world.

If you really don't want me to be there, then...

Fine, I'll respect your wishes.

Maybe I just need time to get used to it.

I tell you what,

if by the end of the semester, we find it's all working out,

only then shall I become permanent, okay?

Okay... Deal.

I love you, Dad... and not ironically.

- Snap. - No.

You only say that when someone disses you.

What is a "diss"?

Never mind.

J.J.?

I know, I know. I'm supposed to be doing guy time.

I just can't take any more of that manly man stuff.

Well, what did you guys do?

We took a walk and fed some birds.

Okay, so, it wasn't exactly Fight Club.

Rayyan, why have you been avoiding me?

Oh, I thought that's what you wanted.

Why would you think that?

I don't know.

Actually, J.J...

I have no idea what you want, and that's the problem.

Okay, I can be a little indecisive sometimes.

I... I can't decide between wedding invitations,

and I don't care about napkin rings...

And you can't tell me whether you want to go to Dubai or not,

because you're waiting for someone else to make a decision for you.

- I knew it. This is about Dubai. - No, it's not about Dubai.

Okay... Fine.

You want me to make a decision?

I'm going to Dubai...

Immediately.

J.J.?

J.J., wait.

J.J.

J.J., hold on. You can't just go to Dubai.

Not like this.

This is my fault.

I should have been more honest with you.

Oh, no, you're dumping me?

Magee was right. Women are trouble.

Magee said that?

He had two beers. He got mopey.

I'm just worried, J.J.

You came to Mercy because my father asked you to.

And then you started courting me because my father suggested it.

And then my father and your father have a conversation.

And then, suddenly... we're engaged!

What are you trying to say?

I don't care if you can't choose a wedding invitation.

But I do really need to know,

did you choose this because you wanted it?

Or did you just take it because it was there?

Rayyan, if there's one thing I know for sure...

It's how I feel about you.

But if you don't know how you feel about me...

Maybe we both just need to take a little time.