Original subtitles

See now, I hate that.

Root beer?

Yes, root beer. No, littering.

What's that saying?

Well, there's that Quranic passage.

"Corruption has appeared in the land and the sea

"on account of what the hands of men have wrought."

I was just going to say, "Give a hoot, don't pollute."

- Ah, yes, the cartoon owl. Very wise. - Here we go.

Uh, whoa, whoa... What are you doing?

I'm throwing it out.

Hello, recycling.

There's no recycling container around here.

Oh, I get it.

You're all for saving the environment as long as it's easy.

Come on, Amaar. It's all sticky.

Well, if you think you can live with yourself.

Man, I hate hanging out with people more sanctimonious than me.

Really? I've never had that problem.

Oh... Why does that not surprise me?

I've never seen you with a cell phone before.

Its time I caught up with modern technology.

So how do you like it?

I can't tell. So far, no one has called me.

Well, you do have a home phone and one here at the cafe.

- So? - So you're either always here or at home.

What about my commute?

It's five minutes. Kind of a narrow window.

So if something happens, I should be alone with my screams?

No, no, you should have a cell phone.

But nobody calls it.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

- Hello? - Hey, toots.

Little service down here.

Hang up. You're wasting my minutes.

Totally digital, flat screen, LCD.

Remember when TVs had snow before they were hooked up?

Oh, it'll get hooked up.

And when it does, it'll be the next best thing

to having the entire Lebanese football team right here in our living room.

You think they could hook up the TV? Because that might be useful.

Whoa! Did the house shrink or did we get a new TV?

No, it's new.

And whose idea was that?

I'm guessing Dad.

Hi-def, 15,000-to-1 contrast ratio.

And to think we lived for so long with the low contrast ratio.

- Yeah. - Exactly.

Do I need a haircut?

Yeah, maybe a trim.

My precious flower, you're perfectly beautiful.

Why waste money on a haircut that no one will ever see?

Why waste money on a giant TV

to watch a bunch of guys kick a ball around a field?

Because your mother wouldn't let me fly to Lebanon to watch the game in person.

- Aha! Success. - There's the snow.

When do we start Wheat Week?

Didn't I tell you? I'm going to cancel Wheat Week.

Ann, you can't cancel Wheat Week. People love Wheat Week.

They love the rides, the beer tent, the Sheafettes.

Best kick line in town.

They're getting long in the tooth. Look, we're surrounded by wheat.

We got wheat in June, wheat in July. The wheat don't care what week it is.

If we cancel everything you didn't like, we'd only have Mayor Appreciation Day.

I love Mayor Appreciation Day.

Look, is this about the money? Because we have the money in the budget.

We had the money.

- Can I have a portrait too? - We've been over this. No.

We're going to cancel Wheat Week,

and we'll make it look like it's not our fault.

How?

Find some crank to blame it on.

I'm canvassing for the mayor's office.

We're looking for thoughts, comments, complaints.

No complaints.

Any city events you'd like to see canceled, like Wheat Week?

Wheat Week? What kind of crank would cancel Wheat Week?

Come on. You hate everything.

Not Wheat Week. It's my favorite grain-related holiday.

Don't you think they should shut it down? Wheat Week, come on.

But we're the Sheafettes.

- Bad day? - Really rough.

I'm supposed to find a crank.

I could give you the one off the meat grinder.

No, I mean a grumpy person, but no luck.

This salt shaker has rice in it. This salt shaker does not have rice in it.

What message are you trying to send?

Wow! Not bad!

Once I got him going, he was really against it.

Actually, he filled out two copies.

- Are these graphs? - Yeah, there's footnotes too.

This is fantastic work.

Let's get this party canceled.

Fatima. You, me, haircuts. What do you say?

I'd say you need some verbs in that sentence, but yes.

- So does that mean you're coming? - It might.

- Goody. - Wait. How do you ladies get a haircut,

when, you know, men aren't supposed to see your hair.

It's okay. You can't see our hair but you can say it.

Sorry.

So really, how do you cut your hair?

Sorry, I can't help it.

We go to Marsha's salon.

She has blinds on her windows.

Is that a secret?

No, we're making fun of you.

What are you doing on that ladder? Taking down the Wheat Week sign?

Hey, what are you doing in that truck? Asking stupid questions?

What happened to Wheat Week?

Canceled. Some Muslim guy complained.

Why... They can't do that.

Well, obviously, they already have.

You know, you don't have to be sarcastic.

I'm sorry. It's a difficult time for all of us.

Wheat Week!

Amaar, you wouldn't believe it.

The picture on this thing. Well, right now it's all snow.

Snow? Like in the '70s? Why don't you just adjust the rabbit ears?

Don't make fun of my TV. It's bigger than you are.

So, football, later on. Will you come?

I was going home and watch Oklahoma.

Play Tennessee.

In a sports match. I'll do your thing.

This time you people have gone too far.

- Which people? Bald people? Contractors? - Brown people?

None of those. Well, sort of the last one. What do you got against Wheat Week?

Tweak Tweak?

Wheat Week.

The week where we celebrate wheat and farmers and combines and wheat.

It's a cultural thing.

Opera is culture.

I think what you're talking about is agriculture.

Wheat Week is very popular, my friend. It's the capstone to Grain Month.

What do you got against it? Was it the pork, the beer, the Sheafettes?

- I could do without the Sheafettes... - Look, I have no opinion on this.

I wouldn't be caught dead in anything called Wheat Week.

So you do hate it?

Let me tell you something, Buster Brown. This ain't over.

Enjoy your fruit.

It's a salad.

So it's decided. You'll tape your musical and you'll come watch the game.

It's got cowboys in it.

Marsha. Hi, what happened to the blind?

Oh! We got rid of them. We realized people couldn't see in.

But that is the only reason we came here.

I mean that and your skills.

Yes, your skills.

Wonderful skills.

So about the blinds, could you maybe put something up?

Like what?

I don't know. Blankets?

Sounds classy.

Garbage bag?

Yeah, we're using those, to hold garbage.

Look, we try to accommodate everyone, even people who don't like Wheat Week.

But we can't help you.

- I'll come by your house later and cut it. - Thank you.

How does she know we don't like Wheat Week?

I like Wheat Week. It's better than Mayor Appreciation Day.

How can you do this?

It's a slap in the face to everything decent.

It's just Wheat Week.

Is it? This week it's Wheat Week, next week...

Wheat Week was next week.

Next week it's Wheat Week, then the week after that

it's Barley-Rama, then Corn Fest or Oat Day.

Are you making those up? We don't have those things.

We won't now, will we?

We did have a complaint.

I know all about it. All you Muslims are complaining.

- What? - I spoke with Amaar.

He wouldn't be caught dead at Wheat Week.

- I am sure Amaar would never... - No, no. Fred's right.

If it was just one person complaining, there'd be something I could do.

But if it's an entire community, I have no choice.

What with lawsuits and political correctness and the charter of things.

This isn't over!

That went great.

Kind of scapegoating the Muslims here.

I know. It just fell into our lap.

The first match now starts...

Now remember, when the game starts, no talking.

- Amazing picture. How many pixels? - Dozens.

- Does this thing have picture in picture? - We are not watching Oklahoma!

No! Just in case there was another sporting match somewhere.

Dad, what are you doing here?

I haven't moved out yet, even though I'm an adult.

Oh, no, wait, that's you.

We're watching sports.

- Well, you can't watch it here. - Okay.

Stay! Too late. Sit, sit, sit. No talking.

We're here to get our hair cut.

- Where should I set up? - Right here.

No. Here bad. We're about to watch the football game.

It's a cup qualifier. Lebanon versus Saudi Arabia.

Yes, I see that, but I'm here with Fatima and Lisa,

and this took a lot of coordinating.

Football just doesn't happen either.

These lads have been getting up early and practicing since they were boys.

Yeah. So we're going to do it here.

- I'm going to have to move, aren't I? - Yeah.

You know, you just don't see black and white TVs very often anymore.

It's kind of fun.

It's like watching an old timey kind of soccer game.

Can't believe I'm watching one pixel when I could be watching dozens.

- Do you know what's going on out there? - Is it in color?

We want Wheat Week!

- We want... - We want Wheat Week!

- Wheat what... - We want Wheat...

This is hard to say.

I know, it hurts my lips.

Don't cancel our festival!

- Don't cancel our festival! - Don't cancel our festival!

- Don't cancel our festival! - Don't cancel our festival!

This is ugly.

It's not very euphonic.

Of all the times the mosque has been picketed, that's the worst chant.

I'm going out there.

Citizens of Mercy, I implore you...

You're throwing cereal at me?

Tasty Wheat.

- On account of you shot down Wheat Week. - Yeah.

Get it?

Sure, they can be frosty, but they got that other side.

Ow! That smarts.

They wanted to throw the prize from the box,

but I said no, it was too mean. Also a little off message.

Get him!

All right! Okay!

Can we do this in a hurry?

Spike's picking me up.

- Who's Spike? - I have a life outside of work, you know.

There are protesters at the mosque.

Words have been spoken. Cereal's been thrown.

Why throw cereal?

Well, I'm assuming wheat stalks don't have enough momentum.

Look, I can see you're upset, but this is playing out great.

Not for me and the other Muslims. I'm gonna tell everyone the truth.

I think you should know by now that you can't tell the truth

and work for the mayor.

Maybe I don't want to work at the mayor's office.

You've got a choice to make.

Fine, I quit.

Ah! Jeez, Roberto's here.

Spike's gonna be jealous.

They say there's no such thing as bad press, but...

I'm a terrible PR person.

Darling, at least you got your client on the cover of the newspaper.

- That's something. - I'm a whistleblower.

I lost my job. I lost my friends.

I know, I know.

I was always loyal to her. Loyal, loyal, loyal.

- I know, I know. - What am I going to do?

I know, I know.

My life is ruined.

I know, I know.

Will you stop saying that?

Just trying to help.

I know, I know.

Here's something to make you feel better.

- Yeah? - Football match on television.

- Have we met? - Sorry.

I suppose we could watch something else. It does get other channels, right?

I don't know. I never looked.

- What is with the baseball cap? - Bad hair day.

What are you talking about?

There. Happy now?

I still don't know what you're talking about.

Trust me, Muslim women notice.

You're crazy.

- See? - Maybe you have an ugly hijab.

Okay, you're not helping.

Wheat Week immediately! Oil paintings never!

Wheat Week immediately! Oil paintings never!

Wow! That is the worst chant I've ever heard.

You must be Cherry, the new PR person.

We've got a little "everybody hates the mayor" situation right now,

but if we put our heads together,

- I think we can come up with... - Can I interrupt you?

What is it, sweetie?

Where's my desk?

It's out the door.

I think we've got to come up with an idea

that can get these people to know that I'm not...

Do I have a printer?

Yeah, we got an inkjet out there. We'll hook you up.

We need to get it through to these people...

I'm sorry. Did you say inkjet?

I don't do inkjet. It's got to be laser.

Fine. I'll get you a laser.

- Anyway, we need... - Inkjet smudges,

and it's bad for the environment.

Okay.

So the main thing is, and I can't stress...

What chair do I have? Do I have a desk lamp?

Why don't I put a light bulb over your head

so you can come up with an idea?

Think that'd kick-start anything?

She's been like this all day. She just sits and watches TV.

Watches my TV.

She's hurting. Let me go in and do my stuff.

If it makes her feel more football, that's the right thing.

- What? - If it makes football feel better.

Hi, Sarah.

- You okay? - I'm all right.

Heard you weren't feeling well.

Thought I'd come by, offer you some spirit...

That's a good picture.

I'm just watching TV.

Is that Seven Brides for Seven Brothers? Because I love that movie.

Want some ice cream?

Mocha Swirl. Yeah!

Great.

- Long shift? - No.

Sorry, it's just...

I know. Bad haircut.

Did Lisa or Marsha do it?

Lisa.

Ah!

Is Marsha really that much better?

You tell me.

Yeah. I really have to call Marsha.

I didn't follow a word of that.

Hurry up, Sarah. Music Man's on.

- Jalapeno poppers! - You are bad.

All right, I can't take this anymore.

You've been like this for days, Sarah. You're not a quitter.

Amaar, I'm worried about your weight.

You want us out of here so you can watch soccer.

That's only partly true. Look, your job is important.

You're the only one that can do it.

They've hired somebody.

- Why would they want me? - There.

Your replacement spent $8,000 on laser printers and desk lamps.

All right. Maybe it's worth a shot. Thanks, darling.

Now you can watch your soccer.

Furthest from my mind. It's not on for 83 minutes.

Good spiritual counseling, but I get an assist.

Can I watch the first 83 minutes of Music Man?

Does it have football in it?

Yes.

Sorry about that Wheat Week thing. What can I do for you?

You really need to help me. Lisa butchered my hair.

- Hi, Lisa. - Hi.

How can it make a difference? You wear that thingy on your head.

- People can tell. - I don't know.

You've got to fix my hair. Everyone's telling me I look bad.

I'll be at your house in half-an-hour.

What are you guys doing here?

We just came by to say thanks for the great haircut.

I feel like a princess.

You know, even for something called The Music Man,

this has got a lot of music in it.

Time to switch over. It's football.

- Come on. - We had a deal.

Yes!

The Lebanese football league...

No! What... Football! Sweetie, I...

Yeah, sorry, Dad. Fatima and I really need to get our hair cut.

Hello.

Thanks, Daddy.

Hey, Yasir. You okay?

We don't want another five years of this type of thing!

We don't want another five years of this type of thing!

Is this about the printer the portrait or Wheat Week?

I don't think even they know anymore.

Ah...

So, what did you want to see me about?

I came here to take my job back.

I've already filled the position.

Have you seen my foot bath?

It's out by the massage chair.

Ah...

All right, so maybe I need you.

Okay, but it's not gonna be that simple.

First, you have to apologize to me,

and then you have to apologize to the entire Muslim community.

Sarah, this is so boring.

And somehow we have to figure out a way to get Wheat Week back on track.

Cherry is the worst person I ever hired, but at least she doesn't make me do stuff.

My fault.

I keep forgetting I can't run the espresso maker

and the tanning bed at the same time.

All right, we'll do it your way.

My back! Are you sure it was worth it?

What are you talking about?

It's just a TV. It's just a game.

It's bad enough when you say it's just a TV.

When you say it's just a game, I lose respect for you.

Astafulla!

This television, it's enormous!

Football's on. If you're here to watch, sit down, shut up.

With a small TV, I had no trouble watching the game.

Excuse me, woman coming through.

- No touching, no touching. - No one touch my wife.

Hey, that looks like the same TV we have at home.

It is the same TV. I'm thinking getting rid of it.

Wow! Two pieces of good news in one day.

Hey, I got my job back.

Congratulations. Tell me more in 37 minutes.

Football! Excellent!

Excuse me. Coming through.

Hey, did you change your hair? It's nice.

- I like it. - One side there. Open sesame!

Wow! Packed in here!

What are you doing here? Come to throw cereal?

About that Wheat Week thing, it looks like you people are innocent.

No hard feelings?

Thanks, Fred.

You know, the Quran says that forgiveness is the...

You know what? Don't ruin it.

Is this the Lebanon game?

Yeah.

Tape delay, they lose.

So, we good?

Well, Mom, you did it. You figured out a way to save Wheat Week.

Well, I wouldn't exactly call myself a genius.

- I didn't. - I know, but you were thinking it.

Where did you get the money to do all this stuff?

It was a corporate sponsorship.

I found this great little Vietnamese electronics company.

- Waiwoo. - Waiwoo?

Yeah. The same people who made your dad's TV. Good folks.

I think I just sprained my lips.

- Hello. - Hi.

- That is a bad haircut. - Oh!