Original subtitles

- Don't forget to water my plants. - I'll water every day.

Don't pamper. I don't want it getting all soft on me.

Everything will be fine.

You deserve to go away and enjoy your vacation days.

Vacation days? I'm still banking those. This is a research trip.

To a resort in the Caribbean?

I haven't been to this resort. I'm researching it for my next vacation.

I just feel strange leaving without anyone in charge.

Well, I'm here.

I wonder if my nephew would come in. He's only 14, but he is a smart kid.

Come on, can I be acting mayor?

If acting mayor means "person who tells people the mayor will call them back,"

then yes.

Yay! I get to be acting mayor.

I promise to take my duty very seriously.

Well, that's one of us.

Ciao!

Sweet ride.

Yeah, completely overhauled the engine.

New clutch, turbos, manifold, pumps.

It's a beauty.

Too bad it's still just a tractor.

Show me another tractor that can go zero to 20 in 3.2 seconds.

Yeah, right. Prove it.

You're on.

Told you.

Too bad it couldn't go 20 back to zero in less than a minute.

Well, hindsight being 20/20, I guess I should have upgraded the brakes as well.

Foresight would've worked too.

No harm done.

Brother Yasir.

I need to hang some shelves. Can I borrow your drill?

- Yeah. - It's very nice of you because I know

you might feel weird about me using your tools.

- Not at all. - Well, you're a contractor.

Your drill's your livelihood.

You shouldn't lend it to me. You should do it for me.

You don't know how to use a drill? It couldn't be simpler.

You select the proper drill bit, you open the chuck, you secure the bit.

You set the torque, you make sure you're level

and off you go.

Set torque to Chuck?

- I'll do it. I'll get the drill. - Thank you.

I'm also going to be using a pencil.

You want me to show you how that works too?

I know how a pencil works. It's not a mechanical pencil, is it?

Hey, Rev.

Ah.

Brightening up the place?

Well, art is good for the soul.

Well, I don't know if I'd call that art,

but I guess it's what you can afford on a church budget.

I painted it.

Oh.

So you, uh...

I knew it. It's horrible.

Mrs. Bernier was right.

Who's she?

My art teacher, grades four, five and six.

She used to say, "Duncan, you are the worst student ever.

"You have no talent."

Well, you know, if you look at it closely...

Um... The colors.

Yellow is for wheat, blue is for sky. The pumpkin is orange.

That's a house.

The pumpkin-colored orange house.

I knew it, Mrs. Bernier was right.

I'm a failure.

Frame is nice.

I can't believe some idiot

just drove through our "Welcome to Mercy" sign.

Are they all right?

Well, it was a hit and run, so I'm guessing yes.

This is the biggest crisis of my administration.

Administration? The mayor is away for ten days.

That is not an administration.

Well, it was enough time for our sign to come down.

I blame your administration.

I never liked that sign anyways. It was so unwelcoming.

Yeah, you know, we need something original and unique.

Burke Field honors its sister city in Greece

by having their sign in both languages.

Let's take that idea.

- We have a sister city? - Yeah, in China.

It fosters good relationships between our two cultures.

- What's it called? - I'll have to look it up.

We should put Chinese on the sign.

If Chinese is in our sign, I demand Arabic be there.

It is the language of Islam, hmm!

Sure, more the merrier. Arabic.

Now, these Chamber of Commerce guys are sharks.

If you get in over your head, just let me know.

Thank you, darling.

Enjoy the grub?

- Yes, thank you very much. - Oh, yes.

Listen, the guys and I were hoping to bend the acting mayor's ear for a minute.

- If you don't mind. - No, let's do it.

Sorry, not you.

We just want to talk to the acting mayor.

Oh.

You can wait with the spouses.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'll be right back, sweetie.

Oh, is this a backroom deal? Is there Scotch and cigars?

- There's orange drink. - Orange drink.

Oh, orange drink. Nice.

Cucumber sandwich?

- Hey. - Aw!

That bad, huh?

No, it's not bad. It's just, uh...

Uh, is it finished?

I'm a failure.

I don't know why I go on.

Duncan, hobby painting is supposed to relax you,

even if it is unsettling to other people.

I see. That's all it's ever gonna be, huh? A hobby.

Look, what do I know about art anyway?

Representing the human figure in art is a big no-no for Muslims.

Wait a minute. You might be onto something here.

- Abstract painting. - Huh?

Mrs. Bernier would never allow it, said it was too freethinking,

but Mrs. Bernier isn't around anymore.

She passed on, I'm sorry.

No, she moved to Montana.

I'm sorry.

I'm gonna paint something abstract, and you're gonna hang it in your office.

Oh, boy.

Now that there's going

to be Arabic and Chinese on the sign,

the Ukrainian Society wants to know when there's going to be Ukrainian, so...

I'm president of the Italian Association.

We demand that you put us on the sign.

Okay.

Hi. It's the phone company.

We're wondering when you'll get voice mail instead of an answering machine.

- Assalamu alaikum. - Oh, Fatima. Walaikum assalam.

Uh...

Do you need something?

Need something? No.

I just stopped by to see how my favorite acting mayor was doing.

Oh, well, thank you. Thanks.

About that sign...

Oh, don't tell me you want Nigerian on that sign.

Of course not. I want Yoruba, what we speak in Nigeria.

Here's the translation.

But no pressure.

Oh...

Whatever.

Hi, I'm calling from the Mercy Visually Impaired Society.

We think the sign should be in braille.

Oh, that's good. Braille.

You want to hang a mirror, you use a stud finder.

It sounds difficult.

Fine, I'll do it for you later.

That's more like it.

Why can't people learn how to use tools?

A stud finder's not hard. What you do...

Yeah, yeah. What are you really so riled about?

It was very humiliating at the businessmen's luncheon.

Did you get coleslaw on your pants?

No. Well, yes, but the main thing is,

I had to wait with the wives for an hour while your mother talked business.

Sorry. Uh...

What did you and the wives talk about?

Nothing. Pedicures. That was actually interesting.

I'm thinking of getting one.

The point is, it was humiliating.

Well, it's kind of how it is now, Dad.

Mom's the acting mayor, and you're the first lady.

- Oh, don't say that, darling. - It's not so bad.

You just have to look nice

and stand beside Mom.

Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

- Mr. Hamoudi? - Ooh, hello.

We would like to invite you to a meeting of the ladies auxiliary.

Auxiliary to what?

I don't know. It's just a name.

The mayor's wife normally does a talk for us each year.

But Mayor Popowicz is single, and she's a woman.

So we haven't done it for a while, and now is our chance to make up for that.

But I have work to do, construction work, manly construction work.

Aw, come on, Dad.

It'll be a chance to get all dolled up. Wear something pretty.

Oh, and I wrote down the name of that pedicure place for you.

Ah. Yes. Right, thank you, yeah. Right.

- I deserve to treat myself. - Yeah.

Don't look up.

- Duncan. - I have another painting.

I don't want to startle you again.

So look up slowly, and I want an honest reaction.

You see? Mrs. Bernier was right. I should have taken up home ec.

No, this is good.

Wow!

- Can I have it? - You mean it?

You said I could have it. It could be worth something.

You could be the next van Gogh.

He never sold a painting.

You trying to say I'll never sell a painting?

You're needy.

That was very good.

And you didn't get slaw on your pants this time.

You noticed.

Thank you very much.

- Hmm. - Oh.

I should be going.

You can't go yet. You have to do your speech.

- The what? - Sorry, didn't I tell you?

- No, you didn't. - I think I did.

- I think I would remember. - Yes, but I would've told you.

We both agree that you could've told me, but I don't think you did.

Just get up there and let it flow.

The mayor might be the brains of town hall,

but you are the heart.

Couldn't I just be the legs and walk home?

Well...

Thank you very much for this opportunity, ladies.

Uh...

People should learn to use tools.

It's not very hard, and it's an important skill

that'll stand you in good stead for the rest of your lives.

What kind of tools?

Power tools.

Take the band saw, for example. Very exciting.

There are three principles involved.

- Oh, three? - Yes, now listen to this.

We've welcomed the whole world to Mercy.

Now the whole world will know what our sign says.

What?

What does it say?

It's just a translation of English.

What English?

It's supposed to say, "Welcome to Mercy" somewhere.

You spelled "to" with two O's.

Is that Klingon?

Is that French?

Oh, so, you're the clerk who ordered the sign we had to take down.

I am not just a clerk. I have a name, you know.

I'm sorry. What is it?

- Clark. - Right, sorry.

I was just talking with the sign people,

and they say that we didn't specify to use English.

Well, couldn't they just use common sense?

You're the one who put braille on a road sign.

So now I've got the whole town angry

because they didn't put English on the sign.

This town deserves better.

So what now?

I'm using a sign-maker from out of town.

Smart.

I'm sorry about the painting,

Mrs. Nazrun.

I hope he doesn't have any nightmares.

It's the weirdest thing, Duncan.

I was looking at your new painting, and the way you've arranged the shapes,

you can definitely see the figure of a person.

- Really? - Oh, yeah, everybody's noticed.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Oh, I know, you're an artist.

You've got so many things going on on so many different levels.

You're like a multi-level building full of levels.

Well, I might have tapped into my subconscious a little.

Good tapping. Anyway, I can't have it in my office.

What? I thought you liked the painting.

I do, but depicting the human form in a painting,

not appropriate for an imam's office.

I'll do a new painting, this one really abstract.

- You don't have to do that. - I will.

I need to paint on a broader canvas.

Broader horizons is good.

No, I mean I literally have a broader canvas.

This painting will be enormous.

Awesome.

"Tools For Teens."

- That's a nice picture. - Yeah.

Good thing I had my pedicure and a facial.

Do you think this is a good idea?

It's my initiative to make the town better.

An education campaign to teach basic tool techniques to young people.

- Gets them off the street. - Where will it be?

On the street. I need to ask you to shut it down.

You know, your pores do look good in this photo.

Yeah, you should see my feet.

I don't know what to say.

I definitely see the image of a face in this one too.

- Really? - It's a man.

Dark hair, mustache.

It's not a prophet, is it?

Actually, I think it's that guy from the coffee cans.

Juan Valdez?

Is that forbidden?

Well, copyright violation.

Hey, I was drinking coffee when I painted this. Wow!

My subconscious is good.

It's a good painting.

I think you've really proven that Mrs. Bernier was wrong.

And you should stop now.

- Assalamu alaikum. - Walaikum assalam.

Hey there.

- Oh, what's this? - Duncan painted it.

Oh, uh...

Wow.

Good effort.

No offense, it wasn't on purpose.

Well, that's a lot of paint to spill accidentally.

No, I mean the representational art, it's unintentional.

I'm sorry. Uh, what are you talking about?

- It's representational of what? - I think there's a face.

No, it's just a bunch of triangles.

No, it's like those old magic eye posters. Let your eye go a little unfocused.

- It's 3D, actually. - Wait a minute.

- No. - I see what's going on here.

I did not accept your command to wait a minute.

You hate my painting.

- No. - You're just trying to spare my feelings.

I would never do that.

Mrs. Bernier was right.

She's looking down at me and she's laughing.

I thought she lived in Montana.

She lives on a hill.

You lied to him.

I didn't want the painting. What was I to say?

I don't want your painting.

Well, 20/20 hindsight.

- So, "Tools for Teens," huh? - Something wrong with that?

- No, no, I'm all for power tool awareness. - Oh.

It makes you wonder who wears the pants in this family.

- Huh? - I mean, you hold the office, right?

He doesn't. Nobody voted for him.

Nobody voted for me. I'm acting mayor.

Still, sort of makes you wonder who's running the old shiparino,

captain or the captain's wife?

He's not my wife.

But if you were a captain, he'd be your wife.

- You'd be a man. - Women can be ship's captains.

This is kind of an old-timey ship, like Columbus.

I don't think people brought their wives on ships back then.

That's why they carved women on the ships. It was the only woman they saw.

On the ship, you wouldn't see her. She'd be on the front of the ship.

But they could see her when they were getting on board.

A lot of them got scurvy 'cause of no oranges.

That's true.

- Anywho, sign fiasco, people are talking. - Hmm?

I just spoke with the new sign people.

Are they on their way yet?

They were. They drove right past the town because we don't have a sign.

Did you think of sending someone from here to pick it up?

- Yep. - And?

They haven't made it back.

We have got to get this solved before the mayor gets back.

If she can find us.

Darling, what do you think, double breasted or sports jacket?

Is that all you think about, clothes? There are serious issues going on.

What's wrong?

While you're out gallivanting with your little projects,

I'm trying to run the town and you're undercutting me.

Uh...

How so?

Well, people are already wondering about me because of the sign crisis,

and you're going off on your own agenda.

It makes it look like I can't control you.

Control me?

Well, no, that's not what I mean,

but just could you keep a little more low profile?

Are you saying that because I'm your spouse

I can't have any ideas?

No, of course you have ideas, darling. Just please don't put them into action.

I have a mind too, you know!

Oh, come on. You're being way too dramatic.

- Come on out and we'll talk about it. - No.

- Oh, honey, let's be rational about this. - You be rational.

Hmm...

Aw, oh...

Oh, God. Great. Great!

Oh! Ugh!

Oh, Lovely funny luck!

Just great, just great, just great. Let's try a little of that.

There, that's good. Great! Great! Great! Yeah!

This one's good! There! If you don't want it, fine!

Wow!

I had a little bit of a tantrum.

No, I mean, this is good.

It's angry.

- Really? - I like it.

I came here to tell you I should've been honest.

I'm sorry, but this... I like this.

Thank you, Amaar.

The thing to remember about painting

is that you're supposed to do it with the heart and not with the head.

And to remember to ventilate so fumes don't build up.

Huh?

Good painting, though.

I'd have been proud to have it in my office.

I didn't offer it to you.

Oh.

Canvas alone is worth 50 bucks.

I'll give you $75 for it.

In your face, Bernier. I've gone pro.

Wouldn't this have been easier in a basement or something?

This is more festive. It's about creating awareness.

I think it's nice that we're doing this.

- What are you building? - Bread boards.

The town may not have a sign, but at least we got bread boards.

Power tools.

You may think your mind is your greatest tool,

but your greatest tool is tools.

We're going to have a lot of fun today.

You're going to learn a lot about tools, but first, there's a change in plan.

We are not going to be making bread boards today.

Aw!

Instead, we are going to build something that helps...

...the whole community.

They say that child labor is a bad thing, but it has its uses.

Thank you, darling. It's just wonderful.

Although, it's a shame about the kid losing the "i."

"Mercy, a place to lve."

It's the easiest letter. I can do it tomorrow.

Yeah.

Whoa.

It's a Duncan Magee original. You like it?

No, you can't have this in your office.

- What? - Look at it. It's a face.

Right there. There's his eyes, his nose and he's wearing a hat.

Your imagination is playing tricks on you. It's not a hat, it's a beret.

You're right.

Maybe I can hang it upside down.

Ah, it's good to be home.

So, anything interesting happen when I was away?

Oh, uh...

Well, someone drove through the Welcome to Mercy sign,

but I had another one made in Braille, Ukrainian and Arabic,

but they didn't put English on the sign, so I had the teenagers build another one.

But it's all taken care of,

and the Welcome to Mercy sign is as it was.

Huh.

We have a Welcome to Mercy sign?

Luckily, yes.

Well, as long as everything is as it was when I left.

Seriously, that time, it was just stupid.