Original subtitles

$100 extra for that little office?

First of all, Magee charges me rent, then he wants to raise it.

I wish he'd decide.

Maybe approach him and try to talk him down.

Never. Compromise leads to a weakened position.

It might lead to a compromise.

I know how business works. I'm gonna go and give him an ultimatum.

Either the rent hike goes or I do.

I'm sorry to see you go, Yasir.

Can't you two work this out?

I don't want to raise the rent, but property taxes have gone up.

No need to apologize.

This allows me to live out a lifelong dream.

Home office.

Home? Whose home? Our home?

It's not a home office if you have to commute, darling.

- This isn't over, my friend. - I thought you were okay with this.

I am. Just need to give you back your key.

- I like this keychain. - Yes.

I bought it at Niagara Falls. It glows in the dark.

Ooh!

I can't believe Dad moved out of here. It's so sad.

Yeah, it won't be the same without him.

Did I tell you, I'm renting this space?

I thought Magee was raising the rent. How did you afford it?

By compromising with him.

- And why do you need another office? - Not another office.

Wait for it.

Mosque store!

Not sure if that's a "wait for it" idea, but okay.

Islamic books, DVDs, prayer clocks, prayer rugs.

Like a real mosque.

It is a real mosque.

I know. I mean, like a bigger mosque.

- It'll be a good fundraiser. - For what?

General fund for furthering the mission of the mosque in the community.

Haven't figured that part out yet?

No. The point is, we're going to be a real mosque.

Any chance you could volunteer a few hours a week, run the store?

Well, I suppose I could swing a few shifts.

Brother Amaar, I heard about the store.

- You have my full support. - Can I sign you up as a volunteer?

Stand around all day for free? Not a chance.

Think about it, Baber.

You'd be spreading Islamic culture. Interacting with the community.

Might even help your people skills.

Who are you to impugn my people skills? I will not stand still for this impugning.

Sign me up.

Pulled the old reverse psychology trick.

I think he pulled it on himself.

That's the beauty of Baber. Half the work's already done for you.

So, what brings you to Mercy?

Oh, you know, just here on a little vacay.

Sorry. Saw that expression in Chatelaine. I figured everyone was using it.

Just here on vacation, doing a little fishing up at Silver Lake.

Oh, you'll have so much fun.

You're not planning to eat the fish, are you?

No.

Oh, you'll have so much fun.

- You come from where? - Ottawa.

- Oh, really? - Mmm-hmm.

What do you do?

Actually, I work for CSIS.

- Cecil? - No, CSIS.

Canadian Security Intelligence Service.

The spy agency?

Well, "spy."

The people who target Muslims.

I wouldn't say target.

Occasionally, we have a person of interest who happens to be Muslim.

Some of my best friends are Muslim.

- Who? - Uh...

Farook.

Abdul.

Halal...

Yeah, I really don't have any Muslim friends.

I will get your bill.

Oh, actually, I was hoping to get some pie.

We all hope for a lot of things.

Darling, here's what I was thinking. Cork board, right here.

- But I'd see it from the dining room. - Whiteboard then.

When you talked about a home office,

I thought you meant the basement or the garage...

The garage is your space. I would never dream of disrupting it.

But this is the living room.

Was the living room, honey dovey. Was the living room. Now it's my office.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

I mean, people who work from home are weird.

First you start sleeping in, then wearing your pajamas all day,

walking around with stubble.

- I always have stubble. - Cute stubble, not lazy stubble.

Darling, don't worry. Apple Computer started in a garage.

Hewlett-Packard started in a garage.

GM started in a shed or some outbuilding, probably.

So move out to the garage.

But the TV is right here!

- Assalamu alaikum. - Walaikum assalam.

Nice store.

- You like it? - Yes.

I've set it up for impulse buys.

People come in for the free Islamic pamphlets,

which I put at the back,

so they have to go through this aisle, and boom!

Prayer clock.

Ooh, the prayer clock doesn't actually go boom, does it?

Because that would be unsettling.

Let me show you the ropes.

I stand behind the counter.

People bring me things. I ring it through and I give them change.

- You've done this before. - I've seen it in the movies.

Look, don't worry. I used to work at Fatima's.

I know the service industry.

Okay.

Your first customer.

Wish me luck.

What can I help you with today?

Nothing, thank you. Just browsing.

Okay. While you do, may I suggest you check out

- some of our free Islamic pamphlets? - Good.

Stop! Not that way. Through the prayer clock aisle.

- Mmm, darling, you're home for lunch. - Just as I suspected.

- Still in your housecoat. - Oh, I'm sorry.

I just love the smell. I found this new fabric softener.

I did yours too.

It's all folded.

A suit? You never even wore a suit when you went out to work.

Yeah, it makes me feel more professional.

Plus, I closed the deal with Mr. Cook. I'm building a parking pad.

- Mmm! Smells great. - Well, it should.

- It's baba ghanoush. - Really? It smells like cinnamon.

Sticky buns!

It's barely noon. You got all your work done,

plus you had time to cook and bake?

It's amazing how much you can get done without Amaar and Magee around.

It's always, "Yasir, do you want to hear a joke?

"Yasir, you want to go out for lunch?

"Yasir, will you get out? We're trying to work."

- Take a seat. - Where should I sit?

Anywhere, just watch the ice sculpture.

What?

- How was the first shift? - Great.

I swept the floor, counted the inventory and cleaned behind the racks.

The rack's only been up there for a day.

Well, I didn't say it took long.

- So, how were sales? - Very consistent.

This is just the float I gave you.

Yeah, okay. We didn't sell anything, but it was consistent.

So what? No one came in?

No, they came in.

They just didn't buy anything. It was weird.

Uh, excuse me.

It's a store, not a library. You gotta buy something or move along.

See what I mean?

Well, look who is back.

How was the "fishing" today?

I see you haven't brought back any "fish."

"Catch and release." May I see a menu, please?

- We'll see. - Okay, is this about the CSIS thing?

Because I told you, I'm on vacation.

A spy would say that.

I am not here to spy.

Look, if a dentist was here on vacation,

would you think he was looking at your teeth?

No, I have excellent oral hygiene.

But, of course, you probably already know that.

What was that about?

She is a spy. She works for CSIS.

That's crazy. Who told you she works for CSIS?

She did.

Well, if she's a spy, she's not a very good one.

- What's she doing in Mercy? - Fishing. Or so she says.

But, obviously, she's here to spy on the mosque.

That is what they do.

- But I haven't seen her around the mosque. - Exactly. She is that good.

Let me ask you something. I hired Rayyan to work at the store...

You hired Rayyan?

Yes. Why do you ask like that?

When she worked here, she was a tyrant.

I don't understand. She's usually so nice.

A cash register is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands.

It makes some people mad with power.

Excuse me.

Am I getting a menu or not?

No.

I always thought working from home was a bad idea,

but it seems to be working great for Yasir.

- Uh-huh. - Plus, he cooked me a great dinner.

He seems so relaxed.

I don't know, made me kind of wish I worked from home.

You're making me wish you worked from home too.

- Can I work from home? - No.

Oh, come on. I'm sure it'd be a cost saving.

Absolutely not.

I need my people where I can keep an eye on them.

That's too bad, you just signed papers saying I could work from home.

That's not gonna work.

Just 'cause I sign something without looking doesn't mean it's binding.

It's not M*A*S*H.

Fine. Let's take it to the Board of Review.

Okay.

So, when I sign a piece of paper without looking at it,

the results are binding and irreversible.

- You got your home office. - And a raise.

- Really? - You signed a lot of papers.

Huh.

Something is up. We are a target.

Okay. This is getting stupid. I'm gonna go talk to her.

Hi, I'm Amaar.

Wow.

This is very flattering,

but I'm not really looking for a vacation-ship right now, so...

Vacation relationship?

Look, my friend Fatima thinks you're here to spy on us.

Why would I spy on a cafe?

No, the mosque.

- Oh, you have a mosque in town? - Yeah, I'm the imam.

But you don't have a beard.

That's been pointed out to me, many times.

Oh, I wouldn't worry.

- I doubt you're on anybody's radar. - Good.

What do you mean?

It's no secret that the government monitors some mosques,

but they're usually, you know, big, professionally run mosques

in major centers, you know, real mosques.

We have 30 people.

Mmm-hmm, to be a hotbed, you need 40.

Thirty can be a hotbed.

No, you can't. It's a rule. Thirty can be a breeding ground.

Dope. We could be a breeding ground.

Well, extremism tends to be fostered by an intense, charismatic leader, so...

No worries.

What did you find out?

That I lack charisma.

You needed a spy to tell you this?

Whoa, what's going on?

Just a typical shift.

Oh, I see what's going on here. People don't want to buy from a woman.

People around here can be so sexist.

Just when you think you're changing things,

something like this happens.

Hi, Rayyan. Can I help you with something?

She's doing my shift.

Package of figs, please.

My first day as a home office worker. This is fun.

Working side by side, leaning on each other when things get tough.

- Yes. Eating a big breakfast. - Most important meal of the day.

- Good for productivity. - It's all about productivity.

- What's going on here? - Oh, breakfast, honey. Care to join us?

It's noon. I'm home for lunch.

We may have slept in a bit.

- Productivity is about pacing yourself. - Pacing.

- Can I try one of your sticky buns? - Mmm!

- Assalamu alaikum. - Walaikum assalam.

Would you say I'm an intense and charismatic leader?

Uh, yeah, sure. What did you want to talk to me about?

Right. I've been thinking.

We should get someone else to take your shifts at the store.

That is so sexist.

No, it's not. It's just you have no aptitude for it.

It's aptitude-ist.

Ouch. Okay. All right.

I may have been a little harsh on people, but I have a plan. Candy.

That girl who hangs out at the bus station?

No, halal candy.

I'm going to get a candy rack and fill it with non-gelatin-based,

Islamically-permissible confectioneries.

Ooh. You really make it sound like fun.

Oh, it is fun!

Then people will like me because I brought candy to the mosque.

All right.

You have my approval.

Good, because the truck is coming today.

That's good, you anticipated my orders because I'm the charismatic leader.

The what?

- You know, from before. - I wasn't listening.

Check it out.

- Fish. - Wow.

Did you catch those?

No, I bought them and took them down to the water to pose with me.

Why would you do that?

Did you eat them?

No, it's not about the eating. It's about the thrill of the hunt.

Kind of like coming in here and trying to get service.

- Maybe she is fishing. - Of course she is.

Like she said, we're too rinky-dink to worry about.

Of course, she would say that.

What do you mean?

She was laying it on a little thick. You could be onto something, Fatima.

I didn't say anything.

But you're right. You know what she said? Our mosque was too small to be a hotbed.

She said that?

- We could be a hotbed. - You alone could be a hotbed.

If she's a spy, shouldn't we go to the bathroom and run the water?

Any flower pot could contain a microphone.

What should we do?

We have nothing to hide. Take her to the mosque

and show her we're not up to anything, although we easily could be.

Her shoe probably contains a laser.

What?

If she's a spy, everything she owns is something else.

Her watch shoots darts, the buttons on her jacket, poison.

You know, Baber, that was a good idea you had about running the water.

I'll go now. Shh.

The tour is the way to go.

Whenever we have a tour of the mosque, it turns into a disaster.

That only happened three times.

Be careful.

She probably reads lips.

You guys still haven't dressed yet?

Hello, darling.

- Did you have a nice day? - Mmm.

Yes, love it. Very relaxing.

Very productive.

I've never seen people feed each other grapes before.

We ran out of cantaloupe.

What is that smell?

Eucalyptus.

Oh, it smells like a koala bear threw up in here.

Your father gave me a massage. Twice.

Yeah, the second one was a surprise.

Okay.

That is beautiful. It is

beautiful to see my parents in love. Excuse me.

Oh, there's quiche in the fridge.

Yeah, my stomach's off, suddenly.

I see movies.

That is a spy truck if I've ever seen one.

It says "candy."

It is full of microphones and men drinking coffee from paper cups.

- One of them is the Sarge. - Really?

Nothing is as it seems.

That truck could turn into a boat or hovercraft at a moment's notice.

You're talking nonsense.

If it is a candy truck, then why do they not bring out any candy, hmm?

Still busy.

I can't reach this Ryan guy who ordered candy.

Rayyan. Guy spells his name "Ray-Ann." Call again.

I feel like I'm forgetting something.

A bit of quiche, darling?

- Mmm! It is good. - I'm glad you got your appetite back.

But if you don't stop playing footsie, I'm gonna lose it again.

Okay.

Why would I want to go on a tour of your mosque?

I'm off duty.

I know, but come, check us out. We have nothing to hide.

Okay, I completely believe that.

Trust me, I'm totally convinced that there's nothing going on there.

Yes, but seeing is believing.

Really? 'Cause believing is believing too. And it's a lot faster.

Come on. You said there's nothing there, so a tour of nothing shouldn't take long.

Okay, if I do this,

will you get off my back and let me enjoy my vacation?

You have my word.

And you can take my word to the bank.

I'm sorry. Are you trying to be charismatic?

Charismatic and intense.

Uh-huh.

Zero for two.

Yeah?

How can you do this?

- What? - You should be ashamed.

We are good people in there. Good, innocent, hardworking people.

Are you Ryan?

Don't try a code phrase with me, buddy. I know what's going on here.

- Can you tell us? - You should be ashamed!

We're just like you! We have children!

I don't have children.

It's hard to find the right girl. Sometimes, my standards are too high.

Susan is so good for you. I don't understand why you push her away.

- Yeah, but ever since... - Enough! You get out of here!

I command you to go!

- But we... - Go, go, go!

Come on. We got gumdrops to deliver.

You want things done, you come to Baber.

Do you think working together at home is affecting our productivity?

No. Maybe a touch. I really should be looking at schematics.

It's hard in this romantic paddleboat ride.

- Grape? - Mmm.

Get a room!

Where is the candy rack?

- We were told there would be candy. - The children are heartbroken.

I'm sure the candy truck will be here any minute.

Perhaps the children would like a pamphlet.

Don't go. It's a trick. She makes you take the long way.

What is going on here?

- We're waiting for the candy truck. - There's no need. I've sent it away.

What?

You can speak freely now. They are not coming back. Mmm-mmm.

Oh, I see.

I finally get people to come here on one of my shifts

and you work to undermine me.

You are so competitive, it makes me sad.

What are you talking about?

What are either of you talking about?

Don't talk to her. She'll try to sell you a prayer clock.

And this is the entryway.

Nothing nefarious about it.

Or interesting.

Oh, what's that?

If Baber was in charge, this wouldn't happen.

Mosque store. All the real mosques have them.

Huh. Why so many people?

Uh... They like the store.

My charisma.

What do the funds from this store go towards?

We haven't decided yet.

Hmm, that seems strange.

Make sure you look for hollow walls, and check behind all those racks.

It's clean back there.

I cleaned behind the racks.

Another mosque tour, another disaster.

It wasn't really a tour.

She called for backup before we got past the entryway.

- I am so sorry, Amaar. - Are you kidding?

Only real mosques get searched. We're on the map.

Yes!

No pumping your fist in the air, sir.

- That's weird. - What is?

You're not hanging off each other like a couple of teenagers.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. Unless it's your parents.

We decided working at home doesn't work for us.

Productivity down?

Well, I did fall behind with a couple of projects.

But then I lost that client and things evened out.

Well, if you're looking for office space,

I know of a certain mosque store that just shut down.

- What happened? - SWAT team came in.

If you don't want to answer, just say so.

I wonder if I should issue Reverend Magee an ultimatum.

Thanks for compromising, Yasir.

Oh, here's your key back.

My Niagara Falls key chain! Toot, toot!

- When were you there? - Ten years ago.

- Canadian side or American side? - Canadian.

- Our view's nicer. - I've heard.

I've never been to the American side.

I'm sure both sides are great.

It was cloudy, so we didn't really enjoy ourselves.

- You know what you can do? - No.

- Wax Museum. - Ooh!

Yeah, you should see Ringo Starr. It's perfect.

Well, this is really boring.

I can't believe I ruined my fishing trip for this.

Would you two pipe down?

Sorry, Sarge.