Original subtitles

Okay, I haven't seen that here before.

You mean the niqab?

- I don't care where she's from. - Niqab means veil.

Do we have a problem with veils?

I don't know. I mean, isn't it demeaning?

I know it's the wrong color for this season...

Well, it's her choice.

Who would choose to wear that?

We should be welcoming her. She's a Muslim who's come here to pray.

Outside chance, she's a ninja.

Did you see that radiant angel?

Finally, a true modest Muslim who's not a painted harlot, here.

Babar, Rayyan can hear you.

Uh...

She is a vision.

Do you know what first drew me to her?

Her eyes?

How did you know?

Lucky guess.

You hear about the woman wearing the veil?

Everybody is talking about her.

I haven't heard anybody talking about her.

Well, okay, it's just me so far, but it has to start somewhere.

I have not met this woman. She has not come in yet.

See, she hasn't come into the diner yet. What is she hiding?

Her mouth. It's covered. She cannot eat in public.

Spiderman has the same problem.

The niqab displays modesty.

Some only want their husband to see their face.

Okay, so, why don't you wear one?

I am a widow. I do not have a husband.

But if you had a husband who wanted you to wear one?

I would punch him in his head.

Stupid man.

Knock, knock, knock.

Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Just working on next week's sermon. Check it out.

"Waking to the wonders around us."

Yeah, I have about nine different versions of that one in my desk drawer.

Oh...

Something I can do for you?

Hide that for me.

You become a drug dealer?

No, no, it's...

It's my Aunt Judy's fudge.

Is that some euphemism? Are you a drug dealer?

It's not drugs.

It's delicious fudge. I don't want to binge eat.

Come on. How good could it be?

It's as if the word "scrumptious"

had been genetically altered and had nuts added.

Hide it for me.

Okay. Fine.

That's where you're gonna hide it?

Fine. Turn around and I'll put it in the other drawer.

Don't tell me you put it in the other drawer.

I was just gonna open and close it

so you thought I'd put it in the other drawer.

Now I know you're gonna do that.

This would be much easier if you just leave.

Baber.

Brother Yasir, what are you doing?

Why are you spying?

Spying? You're the one who's spying. I'm just...

Spying.

I'm such a fool. Acting like a schoolboy. It's the woman in the veil.

I have to talk to her. It's an irresistible urge.

- Then go talk to her. - I can't.

Then it's not irresistible. Excuse me. I have to unload.

No, no! She is so beautiful.

I wouldn't have a chance with her.

With women, you never know until you try.

You know so much about the ladies.

I haven't had any complaints, so...

Well, I have. Many complaints. I need your help.

- Please? - Okay.

What did you talk to your wife about?

A divorce?

Before that.

We had this fight about my toenails... It's not important!

I come by your house later.

You tell me everything I need to know, okay? Bye-bye.

Why did I ever tell him where I live?

Did you see what I just saw?

Her eyes. Those eyes.

Starting to look like the third world around here.

Those eyes stared right through me.

Next thing they'll have us all wearing face curtains.

She was trying to hypnotize me.

You always think people are trying to hypnotize you.

Remember last year?

Yeah, but that guy was a hypnotist.

Ventriloquist.

Yeah, but that dummy. Those eyes.

Morons.

Well, well, well. If it isn't our girl mayor.

I see that our town crisis hasn't ruined your appetite.

No, but you might.

What crisis?

What crisis? People walking down Main Street in burqas.

Next thing you know,

you've got public beheading, and people eating figs.

What is he talking about? Is there a beheading issue?

There's this woman at the mosque wearing a traditional...

Repressive and sexist face covering.

Thought you'd be all for it. It's all creepy and Muslim-y.

Well, no, I'm not. That poor woman in that...

- Sarah cares about her Muslim sisters. - Yeah.

I've never seen you interacting with them,

however, but I'm sure you care on some level.

Typical liberal. All talk, no action.

Hey, I'm partly action.

Well, let's do something about this.

- What? You two agree with each other? - Absolutely.

No, we don't.

Sounds like you have to agree to disagree.

I'm not agreeing to that.

Me, neither.

Two peas in a pod.

So, we're gonna do something about this burqa?

Now, here's my idea. First thing we need is an angry mob.

No. Hold on, hold on. No.

I'll come up with a plan. Thanks.

Hello, Amaar.

Reverend.

Did you hide the fudge like you promised you would?

Yeah.

Then...

What's this?

Hey. You found it.

The coat check room, Amaar? I mean, really...

You are a terrible hider.

I don't understand what the big deal is.

I don't expect you to understand,

but we Christians have a little thing called self-denial.

We have self-denial, too. Muslims are the kings of self-denial.

Great.

But I'm beginning to think you're the wrong man for the job.

You think I can't hide fudge?

I can hide fudge.

In fact, you better put your fudge-finding glasses on, mister,

because you're gonna have some major trouble finding this fudge.

I like your spirit.

Not there.

I found it.

Knew there had to be a law against burqas.

No, no. A law against marigolds.

Is that some kind of weird Muslim thing?

No, the flower. I hate marigolds. In 1927, they banned them on Main Street.

I'll keep looking.

I found it. Right here, on the microfiche.

What'd you bring it in here for? It's nothing without the reader.

Well, I wanted something to hold when I said I found it.

Mercy banned face coverings in 1910

after a bunch of robberies in Whartons Dry Goods and Sundries.

What is a sundry, anyway?

Something that is not a dry good.

Baber, let's say you were to meet this woman on the street,

what would you say to her?

I would say that there is no God but Allah, and Muhammed is his prophet.

You may need to work up to that one.

You see, I don't know anything about women.

Yes, you do. Of course, you do. You were married.

How did you meet your wife?

At our wedding.

This is going to be a challenge.

What we need is an ice-breaker.

How about a joke?

- I am very good with the jokes. - Yes.

Once upon a time,

there were these two economists...

- And they were fishing together. - Yes.

Now, the important thing to remember is one of them was a Keynesian

and the other a Monetarist.

- So what-- - Let's go in another direction.

Do you know how to make coffee?

Yes. Do the women like that?

I mean now, 'cause we are gonna be here for some time.

She'll show eventually, Mike. This place is Taliban Central.

- The usual? - No thanks, hon.

Any sign of our friend in the veil?

What's going on?

The law is going on. No more burqas.

You wear the veil, you go to jail.

- Are you nuts? - You do the crime...

You go to jail.

You can't just make up laws.

Don't blame me, hon. Blame your mom.

Well, I sort of, kind of found an old law on the books.

You can't force people to wear what you tell them to.

The law forces you to wear a seatbelt, it's like that.

A seat belt for your face. Or telling people not to wear seatbelts...

She's not here, Mike. Let's go scope out their HQ.

Just a minute.

Mom, I won't be home for dinner.

Wait, what are you doing that for? Did you no just hear my jail-veil thing?

Yeah, take me away, officer.

Let's go.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

That's my daughter. I found the law. She doesn't count.

The police station? What happened?

Well, I just,

sort of, accidently got our daughter arrested.

Of course, I understand. Who wouldn't understand?

I'll be right there.

I have to leave, my daughter's in jail.

Some excuse. If you don't want to help me, just say so.

Why don't you just lose the veil?

Not going to happen.

You're going to be in there for a long time.

- Mike, let her go. - Yes, Mayor.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm a prisoner of conscience.

Why don't you just take off the veil? You never wore one before.

I'm doing it to make a point. Don't you understand?

No.

Which means you're not making your point, so take off the veil and go home.

I'm protesting an unjust law.

We're not pressing charges. Let her go.

I'm not leaving.

Then you're trespassing. Book her.

Yes, ma'am.

Open or shut?

Halfway is fine.

Works for me.

Now, people are being arrested

because this poor woman has chosen to wear the niqab.

If she were here, I'd tell her she had my full support.

I'll follow her for you. Tell you where she lives.

What?

- Couldn't help overhearing. - You didn't try hard enough.

No. I've to find her. She hypnotized me.

She could be in control of my mind.

Nobody is in control of your mind.

It's a nice thing to say, but I'll find her.

See what old spooky eyes is up to.

No. Do not.

Right. Disavow any knowledge of my mission.

Got you. Wish me luck.

You always think that people are trying to hypnotize you.

Rayyan, my baby.

That's Prisoner-14 to you.

I'll probably get a longer number when they move me to the big house.

My darling, we were worried sick.

Really? I'd have thought you'd be able to relax,

what, with a notorious criminal behind bars.

Sweetie, I only found the law, but you're the one who broke it.

The law is unjust.

No, it's not. It's there to protect our dry goods and sundries.

Ladies, please, let's not turn this prison visit into something unpleasant.

Why do you have to be so pig-headed?

Why do you have to butt your nose into other people's business?

Yasir, are you gonna let her talk to me like that?

What's he gonna do? Bust me out of jail so he can send me to my room?

Would anybody like any ice-cream?

Son of a...

Hi, Joe.

Hi, Rev, I can't talk, I'm on a case.

She's crafty. She gave me the slip.

I don't know who she is, but...

She's lucky.

Yeah.

You have to help me!

Yasir, I haven't slept, I haven't bathed. I'm ready to meet her.

Then you must go to her.

But, first, take a bath.

But I need you there to coach me.

Nothing else I can do for you, Baber. I'm a very busy man.

I don't know the first thing to say to her.

Or the second. Or the fourth.

- You missed out the third. - I know the third.

My name is Baber, sister, what is yours?

Yes, that's beautiful.

It's the last time, Baber, I can't keep holding your hand.

I don't want you to hold my hand.

I want to hold her hand.

But not until we're married, of course.

Yes, of course.

Let us go to her, Baber. Let us find her.

Why is she in jail?

Because she wore a veil.

- When did she start wearing a veil? - Well, since it became illegal.

Since when is a veil illegal?

Well, I sort of dug up an old law that...

Look, what part of "my plan backfired" do you not understand?

The part where you drag me into fixing the problem.

Will you please talk to her?

This isn't a spiritual issue anymore.

- It's a legal matter. - You were a lawyer once.

I'll take a look at it. Maybe we can un-law-fy this law.

- Un-law-fy? - It's been a while.

By the way, Rev, the fudge is behind the bookcase.

You're not supposed to tell me!

Stupid law. I should never have done this.

This is why we don't open books.

You think she'll be all right? No, she'll be fine.

Got a bunch of books here. Never opened them.

Please help me.

You know, this type of mess is usually handled by my PR person.

Right, that's you.

- All right. - Yeah.

I'll call a council meeting. Go to plenary committee.

Go to second reading.

And as you say, "Five years from now," that silly law will be history.

Five years? We can't let her rot in jail.

She might give herself a tattoo. This is a human rights crisis.

I can't fast track this, Sarah.

One person in jail, does not a human rights crisis make.

What? Excuse me.

Excuse me, I am going for a very public walk.

Yeah, sure. You can cover your face! I still know you're leaving work early.

Where are you taking me? You don't know where she lives.

My heart will be our compass.

A compass tells us where we're going.

There she is!

Go to her, brother.

I don't think I can.

- Look at her, brother. - I can't.

Yasir!

Oh...

Excuse me, sister.

Assalamu alaikum.

Your eyes.

Your eyes are not a woman's.

I'm undercover.

This doesn't end with just me, you know, this is a movement.

It's not a movement. It's just two people.

Three people.

Okay. I get why she's in a veil, but why would you put a veil on?

How does that help?

It's like hunting. You wanna catch a duck, you gotta think like a duck.

You don't dress like a duck. You get a wooden duck.

Like I'm gonna build some wooden burqa-woman. That's just stupid.

Hello, Amaar, what are you doing here?

I sort of promised Sarah I'd help her out.

Great. I'll show you where the coffee maker is.

No, I mean I'm researching this whole veil thing.

I'm trying to find a loophole.

Right. Of course.

So, sorry, did you make coffee or...

No. I don't mean to be rude, Mayor, but I've really gotta concentrate.

I have looked at this statue from every angle,

but it's locked up pretty tight.

- This might be helpful. - What's that?

Black, two sugars.

Off you go, then.

You just got yourself locked up to guilt me into taking off my veil.

No, I didn't. Would that help?

Boy, this place looks a lot bigger when you're sober.

Let my people go.

Slow down, Moses.

On who's authority?

Look, the law was thrown out in 1936

so that Catholic girls could wear communion veils.

Communion veils?

- What a strange religion. - Yeah.

Turn them loose.

Suits me. This place is killing me.

I certainly hope you learned your lesson today.

Mom, this whole thing has been a disaster from start to finish

and it's all your fault.

- Prison has made you hard. - Yeah.

Hold on. Hold on.

There's a morality law here from 1903

that forbids certain gentlemen from wearing women's garmentry in public.

I'm on the job.

So am I.

In you go, princess. Come on.

You look pleased with yourself.

Know what I dreamt about last night?

- Fudge? - Cheeseburgers.

This morning I went to Fatima's, had two.

- For breakfast? - Don't you get it?

It means I'm over fudge. It's done.

Sounds like you simply replaced fudge with cheeseburgers.

Isn't that great? But I can't take all the credit.

Thank you for your support.

Hold on.

Could I have one small piece of fudge? Now that I'm over it. One small piece?

No.

Don't you believe me? Come on.

No. I ate it.

The whole box?

Not all in one sitting. Over a day.

That's sick, Amaar, you know that?

Sick! All gone?

All gone.

I'm very disappointed in you.

Earlier I may have ransacked your office, but I'm very disappointed in you.

I will never see her again.

A delicate flower. Pure. Modest.

Modest. Yes.

Driven out of town by that cruel, heartless, stupid law.

Excuse me.

I noticed you noticing me.

I...

I just wanted to introduce myself.

- Perhaps after prayers, we could... - Introduce yourself?

You call yourself a modest Muslim woman?

Such behavior is totally unacceptable.

He really likes you.