Original subtitles

Welcome to the show, still taking place, but for the last time in this blank

void. God, that feels great to hear. Yeah.

This must be how England felt when they got rid of you.

Uh, excuse me. They didn't get rid of me. I chose to leave.

Chose. Okay. Uh-huh. Sure. Let's go with that. Yeah. Has anyone ever asked you to

come back? Like, anyone?

Yeah, that's a fair point. Anyway, it's been a busy week. There was a bomb

threat in Washington, this smirking golf bag was demoted from hosting Jeopardy!

to merely running it, and Mark Zuckerberg unveiled his latest

innovation.

Workrooms is used on Facebook's Oculus Quest 2 virtual reality headsets. This

is my first virtual reality interview.

How about you? It's mine, too. My first virtual reality interview, too.

Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

Do you like Zoom meetings?

No? Well, this is like that, except you get to wear a helmet and your co-workers

are glitchy sims. It's another game-changing hit from the guy who

brought you, everyone you went to high school with is QAnon now.

But instead of focusing on that, let's dive straight in with our main story

tonight, Afghanistan.

America's war there is drawing to a close after almost 20 years of fighting.

We all knew the end was likely to be ugly. The only question was, how ugly?

Well, this week, we got our answer.

Afghans are thronging to Kabul's airport.

This is what desperation looks like. We now know that at least one of the

American transports took off with a payload far in excess of the maximum

recommended. 800 people on your jet?

Holy cow.

I mean, good job getting off the ground.

Holy shit.

That is terrifying.

You never ever want to be on a plane that is managing to actively impress air

traffic control.

Although I will say that is the exact reaction I want every time I do a single

push-up. Holy cow. I mean, good job getting off the ground. No one could

have expected anything more from you.

And the thing is, that is just the people that managed to get onto the

plane. There were horrific videos that we are not going to show you of people

clinging to the wheels of a plane and falling to their death as it took off.

And while Biden insisted that we planned for every contingency, that is pretty

hard to believe, given just ten days ago, the U.S. was desperately trying to

negotiate with the Taliban, asking it to spare our embassy in Kabul.

A day later, that embassy was told to destroy sensitive files, and by this

time last week, we were evacuating it altogether.

although the Secretary of State pushed back on the idea that the embassy was

closed at all.

So if no American is in the embassy, we've essentially closed the embassy. It

sounds like you don't want to say that. No, we're going to have a... Yeah. We're

going to have our core diplomatic presence.

We will. And, in effect, an embassy at a location at the airport.

Wow. That is a rough sentence because we'll have in effect an embassy is

already pretty alarming than you finish it off with at a location at the

airport. Perhaps the darkest qualifier in the English language because to state

the obvious here, an embassy does not belong in an airport because it's not a

fucking Wolfgang Puck restaurant.

And the fact is, America has now joined a long line of countries who came to

Afghanistan to serve their own interests, only to leave defeated.

It's a pattern so universally known, it was literally a plot point in Rambo III.

This is Afghanistan.

Alexander the Great tried to conquer this country, then Genghis Khan, then

the British, now Russia. Ancient enemy, make prayer about these people. It

says...

May God deliver us from the venom of the cobra, teeth of the tiger, and the

vengeance of the Afghan.

You understand what this means?

That you guys don't take any shit?

Yes.

Something like this.

Yeah, something like it. Although, it feels like old Rambo could have used a

few more follow-ups there. You understand what this means, right? Yeah,

you guys don't take any shit.

Sure, but also that our political system has long been defined by other

countries' imperial self-interest.

You understand what that means?

No. No, I don't. Yeah, I didn't think so. You know what? I'm guessing we'll be

seeing you guys in roughly 15 years.

And look.

Clearly, we don't have time to recap the last 20 years of America's involvement

in Afghanistan, much less reckon with all the long-term consequences.

But we thought tonight, in the wake of the chaos this week, it'd be worth

trying to answer a few basic questions.

Why were we in Afghanistan in the first place? What did we do while we were

there? And what are we doing right now? And let's start with why we were there.

Because on Monday, Biden offered this origin story.

We went to Afghanistan almost 20 years ago.

with clear goals.

Get those who attacked us on September 11th, 2001, and make sure Al-Qaeda could

not use Afghanistan as a base from which to attack us again.

Our mission in Afghanistan was never supposed to have been nation building.

Oh, okay then. If our mission was never nation building, then I guess not

mission, not accomplished.

But the thing is, that's a little true, but also a lot not.

Because yes, the primary reason for initially invading Afghanistan was 9-11

and the fact that the Taliban had been giving safe haven to bin Laden. But very

quickly, that mission became dressed up in the language of... between nation

building and human rights. George W. Bush said, rooting out the Taliban was

important, but building a school is equally important. And Biden himself

said back then, the alternative to nation building is chaos.

And there was lots of focus at the time on atrocities the Taliban had committed

during their five years of oppressive rule, the subjugation of women, the

executions in the soccer stadium, the destruction of the famous Buddhas of

Bamiyan, all of which were terrible, but which had been equally terrible...

before September 11th, and we hadn't done much about it. The truth is...

between a post-9-11 desire for vengeance and the Bush administration framing

intervention as a crusade for human rights, they built a near universal

political consensus.

Only one member of Congress, Representative Barbara Lee, voted

against the authorization of military force. Other Democrats jumped to co-sign

the human rights argument, like Representative Carolyn Maloney, who

delivered a speech on the floor of the House about the need to combat Taliban

repressions, featuring a striking visual. I salute the Bush administration

for balancing war with compassion, for dropping food as well as bombs.

Even in war, we are showing a regard for human life and human rights that the

Taliban will never know.

Okay, first, it doesn't get much more the month after 9-11.

than a white Democrat in a fuck-you burqa saluting the Bush administration's

commitment to human rights. And the problem there is, you could be revealing

the solution for world hunger, but if you are a white lady who threw on a

burqa for the drama, you are fundamentally distracting from your

point. As for... we dropped food as well as bombs.

Those two do not cancel each other out. And we dropped a lot of the second.

Over 71,000 Afghan and Pakistani civilians are estimated to have died as

a direct result of this war, with many more injured or displaced.

As for our program of drone strikes, they didn't just kill civilians, they

traumatized an entire generation.

The villagers call them planes without men.

Sherzaman says his nine-year-old son, Suleiman, was killed by a drone three

months ago, along with the fathers of all of these children.

I'm scared they'll bomb us. They killed my father, and I'm afraid they'll bomb

us too.

I can't walk outside my home because I'm scared. I'm even scared at home.

Yeah, it's terrible.

So if Carolyn Maloney wants to illustrate all the major threats Afghan

societies faced in recent years, she may want to deliver her next speech dressed

like a fucking drone.

And those strikes are just one part of the answer to our second question, which

is, what exactly did we do in Afghanistan? Because the U.S. came in

with big plans, promising to set up a modern, centralized democracy. And yet,

instead of engaging with and understanding the country's complex

local political powers... We adopted a policy of paying off and co-opting local

warlords and drug traffickers, which eroded trust quickly between the Afghan

people and the blatantly corrupt government that we helped fuel.

By 2006, in the words of one retired colonel, the government had self

-organized into a kleptocracy under which people in power could plunder the

economy without restraint.

And yet, successive administrations kept giving us rosy assessments like this.

The Taliban have been driven from power. Al-Qaeda has been driven from its camps.

And Afghanistan is free.

That's why I say we have made remarkable progress.

The war in Afghanistan is ending.

Al-Qaeda's been decimated.

Osama bin Laden is dead. We have made real progress.

We'll make a lot of progress in Afghanistan.

And with time, we'll have it spinning like a top.

Oh. Oh, you will, will ya?

But you know what? I guess he is technically right there. We did leave

Afghanistan spinning like a top. You know, those things that famously spin

forever and never collapse.

The fact is, things obviously weren't going as well as all three of those men

publicly claimed, as we now know, not least thanks to this revelation two

years ago.

According to more than 2,000 pages of documents obtained by the Washington

Post, military commanders, diplomats, and aid workers privately, and in blunt

terms, describe an unclear mission, a failed strategy, and efforts to sway

public opinion.

Among the revelations, retired General Douglas Lute, the Afghan war czar under

Presidents Bush and Obama, saying in 2015, Wow.

That sounds less like something you'd expect to hear from a general, and more

like the internal monologue for Sir Ian McKellen in this photo from the set of

Cats. What are we trying to do here?

Has anyone got a plan for what this is going to look like in the end? I have

the foggiest notion of what we're undertaking.

Those interviews were collected by SIGAR, the Special Inspector General for

Afghanistan Reconstruction, a government office tasked with producing honest

reports about how things were really going there.

One of which noted the US government's goals were often operationally

impractical or conceptually incoherent.

Seagal's mandate was to promote efficiency and prevent waste, fraud, and

abuse. And I know...

Focusing on wasteful spending may seem like the absolute least of the issues

here. But sometimes, knowing exactly where the money was spent helps you

understand the scale of the mess we've left behind.

Because so much money went to military contractors to set up projects with no

plan for how they'd survive after we were gone. Here's the head of Cigar

identifying one expenditure in particular.

I think the worst case so far of just stupid waste has been the purchase of

the helicopters and the airplanes for the Afghan air wing.

It's clearly risking that those planes and those, uh, helicopters are just

gonna end up on the tarmac, rusting.

They can't even use the planes they currently have. Over 70% of the, uh,

maintenance is being done by U.S. contractors, not by the Afghans. They

don't have the pilots, they don't have the ground crews, they don't have the

workers to repair. So why are we buying them? That's a good question.

Yeah, it is. That clip is from seven years ago, but it's not like since then

we've fixed the underlying problem.

Last month, defense officials were maintaining that aircraft could still be

used after we were gone because Afghans could simply service them with U.S.

contractors looking over their shoulders via Zoom or coaching them over the

phone, which is so close to nothing, I'm honestly surprised the U.S. didn't just

buy every Afghan technician a masterclass subscription and tell them

that Anna Wintour's course would supercharge their creativity.

And that is just emblematic of our behavior in Afghanistan.

We came in, built something on the American model, or... was most wholly

dependent on American support and put next to no effort into ensuring that it

was sustainable after we left.

Take the government itself.

Foreign grants financed around 75% of its public spending.

Meaning that, as the Taliban takes over, that money presumably dries up and the

economy is now poised to collapse.

And it's not just the economy that's in danger here. There were real meaningful

gains, particularly for women.

who had suffered terribly under the previous Taliban regime.

Millions of girls were allowed to attend school for the first time, and women

joined the military, the police, and held political office. But those

achievements are in real jeopardy now.

And some who led the way, like Mahbubah Siraj, an Afghan women's activist, are

acutely aware of that fact.

I'm going to say to the whole world, shame on you. Are you using all of us?

Are we being just the pawns in your hands? Is that what it is?

I don't understand it. They just made decisions with their gut feelings or

whatever, um, all of these men of the world that they are in power, and they

are destroying what's something that we worked so hard for.

What is happening in Afghanistan today is going to put this country 200 years

back. That is incredibly hard to hear. And the thing is, she's right.

the people of Afghanistan have been treated like pawns. While there were

gains, the initial impulse that led to them was purely U.S. interests.

And for 20 years, for multiple reasons, the U.S. and various Afghan governments

did not secure those gains. And even though this week has brought incredible

scenes of Afghan women leading protests against the incoming Taliban regime,

odds are much of that progress is now set to be obliterated.

But here is where it gets really hard.

What was the answer here?

to stay indefinitely?

It is very hard to make a good case for that, especially given that the Taliban

have been strengthening in recent years and have made it clear that they were

going to escalate violence unless we left, which most people agree we had to

do. The problem is, though, just as we went in... focused entirely on U.S.

interests. We are leaving the exact same way. And that brings us to what we're

doing right now. Because this exit was set in motion in February of 2020, when

the Trump administration struck a deal with the Taliban for a total U.S.

withdrawal by May of this year. In exchange, the Taliban agreed not to let

Afghanistan become a haven for terrorists and to start peace talks with

the Afghan government. Although, notably, that deal excluded the Afghan

government, making this line from Mike Pompeo a little... It's hard to take.

When it comes down to it, the future of Afghanistan is for Afghans to determine.

The U.S.-Taliban deal creates the conditions for Afghans to do just that.

Well, hold on there, Mikey, because you never want two people in a room

determining your future without you, especially if one of them is the fucking

Taliban. How does Pompeo expect the Afghan people to react to that?

Congratulations, Afghans. Today is the first day of what someone else

determines the rest of your life will be.

Now, Biden pushed our exit date back slightly to August 31st, but he

basically followed through with the Trump administration's deal. And while

the Taliban largely stuck... by their promise not to attack U.S. personnel.

Almost immediately after signing that deal, they carried out at least 76

attacks across 24 Afghan provinces, and have since pursued assassination

campaigns of government officials, journalists, and civil society actors,

and just this May, beheaded an Afghan interpreter for the U.S. Army. And yet,

all the while, they've made a big show of presenting themselves in a more

modern, flattering light, something that continued this week.

This was a smarter, more media-savvy Taliban. Senior leaders claiming they

want to form an inclusive Islamic government.

The group is establishing a civilian casualty prevention and complaints

commission, tweeting out WhatsApp phone numbers for Afghans to send in

complaints. Wow.

That is something.

And set aside the fact that Taliban complaints department sounds like a

sketch Elon Musk pitched to SNL, I'm not sure it's gonna be all that effective.

It's the equivalent of instituting a complaint box in Scott Rudin's office.

The problem with the behavior there isn't lack of awareness.

A significantly changed Taliban just doesn't seem likely here. Their ties to

Al-Qaeda only appear to be deepening, and they're now even better armed.

The Afghan forces fell so quickly, they left behind brand new boxes of guns and

grenade launchers, which Taliban fighters have been filming themselves

opening in the world's grimmest unboxing videos.

Incidents which led to this exchange.

What happens to the billions of dollars worth of weaponry that the U.S. gave

Afghanistan? We don't have a complete picture, obviously, of where every

article of defense materials has gone, but certainly a fair amount of it has

fallen into the hands of the Taliban.

And obviously,

we don't have a sense that they are going to readily hand it over to us at

the airport.

Ah, yeah.

Yeah, I think that's a pretty safe assumption.

But hey, we can always text the Taliban complaint department and see what

happens. I'm sure we'll be dealt with swiftly.

So here we are, 20 years of war and destruction, tens of thousands of

Afghans killed, many more traumatized, and the overall sense that you have at

this point is of deep betrayal.

Betrayal of the promises that were made to the Afghan people, and betrayal of

the U.S. service members asked to execute those self-serving promises, and

are now left asking themselves, what did I just do?

What was this all for?

The military sent out an email to nine million veterans this week, offering a

list of mental health resources with notes like, if you're having thoughts of

suicide, call this number. And if you are, do.

This is a grim situation, and there are immediate decisions... that need to be

made that have life or death consequences for Afghans who put their

trust in us, like this activist.

Fatima, that's not her real name, and her children have gone into hiding after

death threats from the Taliban for her work in empowering other women.

She thought she was building a new and better Afghanistan, but now she's viewed

as a spy and enemy collaborator.

I feel extremely abandoned.

I am in danger. It's not only that I am in danger, now my kids are in danger.

They won't leave me alive.

We bear responsibility for the position that she's in.

We said we'd protect people who did courageous things that pissed off the

Taliban, like advocate for human rights, even if it wound up putting a target on

their back. And now it feels like we're walking away going, oh, cool target.

How'd you get that? You know what? Don't answer. We're fucking leaving.

And again, I am not advocating for staying at all.

What I am saying is...

We're in the midst of a massive humanitarian crisis, and we have a clear

obligation to take in Afghans who are now vulnerable, and not just those that

worked with U.S. troops, but those, like Fatima and her children, whose lives are

now at grave risk.

Although some conservative commentators are already trying to get way out ahead

of that.

If history is any guide, and it's always a guide, we will see many refugees from

Afghanistan resettle in our country in coming months, probably in your

neighborhood. And over the next decade, that number may swell to the millions.

So, first, we invade, and then we're invaded.

The lesson of this 20-year war cannot be that every time we turn a country upside

down or make huge mistakes, our immigration laws, our refugee laws no

longer apply.

Okay, first, fuck off, you tag-team racial panic goblins.

Second... The notion of every time we turn a country upside down is an

incredible thing to just blow past.

Maybe that's the lesson here, Laura. Maybe don't keep turning countries

upside down in the first place.

As for our refugee laws no longer apply, we are a big part of why those people

are refugees.

Helping them now isn't charity, it's doing the bare minimum.

Refusing to help a neighbor whose home just burned down is shitty.

Doing it when you help start the fire is fucking monstrous. And the thing is,

they are not the only ones who've been blithe about the fate of the Afghans.

Biden's failure to plan here is astonishing.

But his continued indifference to the lives of anyone who's not American isn't

really surprising.

He's felt this way for years.

According to the late diplomat Richard Holbrooke's diary, in 2010, the two men

had a conversation, and Biden told him the U.S. had to withdraw every troop

from Afghanistan regardless of the consequences for women or anyone else.

And when Holbrooke asked him about American obligations to those who'd be

in danger if we left, Biden mentioned the U.S. withdrawal from Southeast Asia

in 1973, saying, fuck that, we don't have to worry about that, we did it in

Vietnam, Nixon and Kissinger got away with it. And may I just say, Joe...

A-plus choice of historical role models there. When you're rolling with Dick and

the Kiss, you know you're rolling on the right side of history.

And last February, Biden doubled down on that argument.

Don't you bear some responsibility for the outcome if the Taliban ends up back

in control and women end up losing the rights?

No, I don't. Do I bear responsibility?

Zero responsibility.

The responsibility I have is to protect America's national self-interest and not

put our women and men in harm's way to try to solve every single problem in the

world by use of force.

That's my responsibility as president.

Okay, real quick.

You don't have to make a zero with your fingers to indicate you mean zero.

You're an adult man, not a child ensemble member of Broadway's Matilda.

I will say...

If Biden wants to argue for isolationism going forward, he is welcome to do that,

but what he can't do is use that as a justification to dismiss the fates of

people in whose country we've already disastrously intervened. Because we have

a non-zero duty at this point to do everything we can to help them, and that

means getting as many people out as we can.

And advocates for refugees say that the first thing to do here is secure a

perimeter at the Kabul airport, making sure that people have a safe way to get

there and to get inside, because that has been total chaos this week, to the

point that many of the departing flights have left with empty seats.

And the fact that there are people with visas unable to get onto the planes is

bad enough, but there are many more at-risk Afghans who are without visas or

who are still stuck in the process. And we should be getting them to the U.S. as

quickly as possible so they can then safely finish their paperwork here. And

that can be achieved by granting them categorical humanitarian parole.

And to the extent that any hesitation about doing this is due to fear of

political blowback thanks to idiots like these, Call your representatives and

tell them that you care about this, because if they think that you don't, it

is not going to happen.

Look, the chaos this week is already a stain on Biden's legacy. The only

question is, how big does he want that stain to be? And that is really up to

him. But more broadly, we as a country need to take a hard look at what we've

done in Afghanistan, which is likely to be destabilized for decades to come. So,

what can we do about that?

Not much now.

No amount of brute force or perseverance is gonna clear up the clusterfuck that

we helped fuck into existence.

And I realize that's a quintessentially un-American idea to acknowledge that we

can't always control something that we want to control or achieve something

that we want to achieve. But the truth is, we can't.

I know that feels futile, but assuming that we can go into another country...

and fix everything by simply imposing our will is largely what led us to where

we are right now. We've spent decades claiming that we're trying to solve the

world's problems, albeit almost exclusively when it helped solve our

own. And the result has been, in the words of this professional pearl

-clutcher, that we've turned one country after another upside down, so we should

maybe stop doing that.

But in the meantime, the very least we could do... is help alleviate the

humanitarian crisis ahead, because no matter what happens in Afghanistan from

here on out, there is absolutely no universe where America bears zero

responsibility. And now, this.

And now, Tamron Hall will have you know she is 50.

And here she is, the one, the only, the 50 and fabulous Tamron

Hall!

I have in my 40s now that I'm 50.

I'm 50 now.

On a personal note, I'm 50. And I'm 50.

I love that you said you're 41 and you don't care. Wait until you turn 50 as I

did last week. Now I'm 50 and she's 50.

I'm 50, you're 54.

Elmo, you know, you and your friends on Sesame Street have been helping kids and

families around the world in all kinds of ways for more than 50 years.

50 years?

That's how old I am.

Wow, that was only three and a half.

Listen, I am, as the kids say, I'm 50. How did I go 50 years? Chef Trini did

not know that. I'm 50 years old. I've dated a lot.

Okay, I am 50 years old. I am 50. I'm 50. I'm 50.

This is the best taco I've ever had in my life.

I am 50.

Moving on.

Before we go, a quick word about hammers. Some are insy, some are

chonkos. Some have a little claw on the end for pulling nails, others have a

little round knob and no one knows why.

And one hammer is actually a practicing personal injury attorney, which you

might remember from this And Now segment that we aired in 2019.

Greedy insurance companies play dirty. Bring it on.

I'm Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. I'm Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. And I do my

best to bring them down.

I get angrier than a junkyard dog.

I stand tough and carry a big hammer. I growl and bark.

Wake up. It's hammer time. I'm Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. You got the

idea right.

He's the Texas Hammer. He carries a hammer. He talks about hammers. For a

while in the middle there, he talks about growling and barking like a dog,

which is a bit confusing, because that's not a thing that hammers do. But then,

it's right back to hammer time, baby.

Now, we aired that because we thought his ads were fantastic. But since then,

we've discovered just how much money Jim Adler puts into them. He claims to have

spent over $100 million on ads since 2000.

And as you can see from this testimonial that he once filmed for an ad agency

that he worked with, he puts a lot of thought into them, too.

The lawyer in another state may not want to be a hammer or be a tough, smart

lawyer, but they understand the image that the client wants to portray.

Right. Lawyers in other states might not want to be tough, smart lawyers.

Wisconsin likes its lawyers weak and simple. Michigan prefers them lean and

lethargic. Idaho wants every attorney to be damp and distracted, while here in

New York, we like them sweaty and suspended.

Unfortunately for Jim Adler, though, it turns out that there is another lawyer

in another state who wants to be a hammer, too.

I'm Mike Slocum, the Alabama Hammer. If you've been injured, call me right now

and get the big check. Hi, Mike.

Nice to meet you.

Now, if you are noticing any similarities there, you're not alone,

because when Jim Adler found out what Mike Slocum was doing, he fucking sued

him. And while we can't get into all the claims in his very fun lawsuit,

basically, he's alleging that Mike Slocum, the Alabama Hammer, had adopted

his famous persona in a brazen bid to confuse and deceive consumers.

Now, the thing is, he's not just claiming the Alabama Hammer is copying

his nickname.

I'm gonna play two of their commercials side by side and see if they look at all

similar to you.

Greedy insurance companies play dirty.

Oh,

come on!

Now, I have to tell you, Slocum denies Adler's claims, including that he copied

that ad, and I'm gonna say...

Good luck defending that argument.

But I do actually have a bit of sympathy for Mike Slocum here, because if you

watch his ads that aren't Hammer themed, it becomes clear just how much Mike

needs that gimmick. Because they're a total mess.

There's one where he's a big bucks hunter, where he shoots deer that

explode into money. And there's one where he runs after an ambulance like a

carousel horse, only to get hit by a different ambulance.

And then, there is this.

Give me my lunch money back!

Where's Alabama Ham... I've been standing up to bullies my whole life.

Woo!

Woo! I'm Mike Slocum, Alabama Hammer. If you've been injured in a car wreck,

don't let the insurance company bully you. Call me right now!

What the fuck was that?

I am really curious what happened in the next scene when the police turned up.

Who punched this child unconscious?

That was me, officer, but don't worry, it's okay.

Explain how, but just so you know, I'm gonna get my taser out while you talk.

Oh, well, when I knocked him out, I was also a child. Then I said, woo,

immediately aged 30 years into an adult and said, woo, again.

Yeah, seems unlikely, but you are white, so I'm gonna go ahead and give you the

benefit of the doubt.

Look. It seems pretty clear to me that Mike Slocum ripped off the Texas Hammer,

and you can see why. His commercials are everything that Slocum's aren't. Clear,

precise, and thematically resonant. You'll learn two key facts about him.

He's the Texas Hammer, and that is it.

And I so badly don't want these two glorious maniacs to fight. It seems the

best thing is for Mike Slocum to simply get a different ToolThemes nickname so

these two dangerously strange men can move on in peace. And I actually have a

suggestion for you, Mike, and it's this.

Banana slicer.

Mike, the Alabama banana slicer slogan. Think about it. It works perfectly.

Just like a hammer, it's a tool. And like your commercials, it's unnecessary,

complicated, and I don't like looking at it. So please, Mike, take this idea and

take this banana slicer too. Just give us an address and tell us where to send

it. And that... is it.

That's our show. Thank you so much for watching during this very weird time.

Thank you to our staff for working incredibly hard in a very difficult

environment. We will be off for a couple of weeks now, but we will be back

September 12th, definitely in a studio, maybe with an audience, maybe not. Who

knows? But the point is, that's it.

That's it?

Like, you're ending it? Yep. Yep, that's it. This is where you and I say goodbye.

You know, it is our last night together.

Right? Right. So you didn't plan anything?

Uh... Conan got a song, remember?

Jack Black sang a big song.

Right. Yeah, sorry. Do you think you're the Conan in this dynamic?

I just thought you'd prepare something.

But you're not gonna... Yeah, you're doing it your way.

That's fine. Bye.

All right.

Uh, are you sure?

Yeah, I said I'm fine. So we're done. Goodbye.

And definitely no song.

Okay. Well, thanks for everything.

And, um...

Yeah, I guess I'll see you around.

Bye!

There's a grief that can't be spoken There's a pain goes on and

on Empty chairs and empty tables Now my friends

are dead and gone I'm not dead. I'm returning to a studio.

Oh, my friends, my friends, don't ask me.

Jesus Christ.

What your sacrifice was for.

This is a lot.

Empty chairs and empty tables where my friends

will sing no more.

Queen Elizabeth had Princess Diana murdered. Good night. No, no, no, no.