Original subtitles

I had this memory game when I was a kid.

A bunch of cards, face down, in rows.

Each card has a picture.

You turn one over, look at it.

Then you turn it back over.

Then you have to try and remember where its matching card was.

I have to get on a plane. I have to get on a plane. Dr. Gray? Dr. Gray, you are

on a plane.

You were in a plane crash.

Can you tell me what... Sometimes

you have no idea. My sister.

My sister.

Where's Lexi?

Where's my husband? And Christina?

I have to get... I have to get to my sister. Hold on. Hold on. Hey, you can't

go in there.

I can't open his chest out there in the field. There's an infection and I need

to see him. And other times, it shows us exactly what we need to see.

We're taking care of them.

The cards seem completely out of order and random but you keep turning them

over and the more cards you see You

get a sense

of how everything fits together hey

They're taking us home tomorrow on a plane, and I said no planes, but we

don't have a choice because of Mark in Arizona, so... So I told Bailey to just

sedate us, sedate all of us.

And we'll never know what happened.

Right?

Christina.

Christina.

I wish they'd have put me out too.

Yeah, I know what you mean. All I keep thinking is we're gonna crash on some

tropical island and get attacked by a polar bear.

Nah, I don't know what you mean.

You should watch more TV.

I don't even know how you can think of leaving. Because it's Harvard. Meredith,

because you don't turn down an offer from Harvard. You have two, maybe three

surgeries left on your hand before... You know what? Maybe they have doctors

there. Maybe one can help me. With Mark and the condition he's in and Christina?

I'm not saying we leave tomorrow. They're just looking for a time frame.

I'm sorry, Derek. I know you really want to go, but I can't even think about it.

This is not about me. This is about you. You're at the beginning of your career.

It's you they want. I don't know. I'm not the same man that they hired. Don't

say that. I'm 80%, Meredith. Don't say that. Shh.

We stay here. We work here. We move into that beautiful house that you built us.

That was our plan.

That was before we got a job in Boston. And that was before our plane crashed.

Blowing off Harvard. Wow.

You're blowing off Hopkins.

Wow. I'm postponing Hopkins.

But Robbins is better.

Avery did the same thing for Sloan. And I stayed. You stayed because you had no

place else to go.

Wake me up in ten for Chunky, Stu. You just ate.

Stuart, short valve syndrome kid. I'm doing an intestinal transplant.

He puked on me the first time we met, so I call him Chunky Stu.

Ugh. Arizona hated it, but Stuart thinks it's hilarious.

How is Arizona's infection?

Is it getting any better?

Don't know. I haven't seen her.

What do you mean? You're running her service.

What? You really think she wants to talk to me? I mean, what am I supposed to say

to her? Hey, remember the time that I quit and you got pissed and took my seat

on a plane that crashed, and now you're trading in your wheelie sneaks for peg

leg?

Sorry, my bad.

How are we doing here?

Hey, Jackson, you're talking to Sloan, right? Keeping him updated?

Yeah. Not about work stuff, though. He doesn't need that kind of pressure right

now. What is wrong with you two?

Oh, I just said... No, I'm just saying, they're fine.

They're gonna be fine.

Arizona's not gonna lose her leg, and Sloan is coming back. They're coming

back, so let's act like it.

They're gonna be fine.

We're all going to be fine.

How long are we saying that this is okay?

As long as she needs.

I, for one, find it refreshing.

They say if you don't have something nice to say, she never has anything nice

to say.

Come on, Yang. I'm wide open. Just hit me.

I said no more damn restraints. She is clearly a danger. She doesn't even

belong on this floor.

She is violent, uncommunicative, and I'm worried... Don't she communicate? She

just hasn't talked yet. Look, there is nothing physically wrong with her. She

belongs up in psych. I'm the chief of surgery and her husband. Don't tell me

where she belongs. With all due respect, sir, that is exactly why you shouldn't

be making this decision.

Okay.

Okay. It's time.

It's time to get up.

They are going to take you upstairs, and they're going to pump you full of

antipsychotics.

And you're gonna go slack-jawed. In cuckoo's nest.

And you'll never be you again.

Christina, please. I am begging you. Please.

You have to say something.

Christina, please.

Do you hear me?

Say something. Please.

There was damage to the second metacarpal, but the first MCP joint was

completely crushed. So Boise did an X-fix. I revised it to an internal

fixator, and then I removed a lot of scar tissue so there wouldn't be

contractures. Smart.

Oh, thank you. Thanks. Did you see how I, uh... No, no, your work is great.

Um, Derek, it's the, um, nerve damage that I'll concern myself with.

And it looks like a pretty easy fix.

You know, that'll get you your prehensile strength back. That'll get

you this back. Which will get me back into the OR.

That's the hope.

Well, that's the point, isn't it?

Of course.

But your hand was badly damaged.

And I think, conservatively, I can get you back to 80% function.

Meredith, I can teach.

Consult.

This may never do another surgery.

Oh, don't talk like that.

Meredith.

I'm alive.

We survived.

Zola has both her parents.

I know.

That's enough.

Meningioma. Patient is female, 44 years old. It's a tricky spot.

It's right up against the sagittal sinus.

Which is why I suggested Dr. Ramsey see what you might do.

No radio surgery. I'd cut it out. Right, but with two draining veins in the way,

it might be safer to see how she responds. This woman's going to live for

another 40 years. The tumor can recur too easily.

You need to dissect the two draining veins clear and approach her from this

direction. You get it all. She's cured.

Well, that's much sexier, isn't it? That's why we keep him around.

Thanks, Shepard. I'd be happy to have you join me.

Or if you'd like to observe.

I, um, probably have a class to teach. Good luck.

She's right.

You're invaluable.

Great. Oh, hey, Dr. Shepard. This is pretty cool.

Dr. Ramsey's got a meningioma invading the sagittal sinus.

She was going to do it radio-surgically, but decided to go after the whole thing.

Oh, is that so? Yeah.

She just read the first training paper.

Yeah, I got it, Russ.

Thanks. There's bleeding on the sinus.

Suction.

Continoids.

Okay, let's put the head of the table up. No, no, no, no. Get the head down.

BP's 90 over 50.

CO2's down to 22.

All right, get the head down.

Move it down. She's sucking in air. You have an air embolus.

Bulky, bulb irrigate the field. Make sure no more air gets in there. Seal it

off.

Thank you, Dr. Shepard. That was... All right, you have a hole in the sinus you

need to take care of?

Yes, yes. You have to carefully re-approximate the edges of the patch

crack. I'll just deal it with a clip.

No, don't. That could occlude the sinus. There.

See?

Bleeding stopped.

Oh, be at peace. 210 over 130.

Venous infraction. Ventricular ostomy tube now.

She's coding.

It's not your fault you didn't force her to try your approach. If she couldn't

pull it off, well then... I could have pulled it off had I been in there. Well,

you'll be back in there. No, I won't. I will be the former neurosurgeon Derek

Shepard research librarian.

Shut up. Mark, the guy gave me 80%. We'll get back to 100%. It's not gonna

happen. Don't give me that crap.

You love a hopeless case.

It's true. It's the only reason we're still friends.

I'm glad you're doing better.

Me too.

You will be too.

100%. You'll see.

Yeah, coming along. X-ray shows excellent alignment. I heard Schachter

moved your surgery up.

Yeah, a couple days.

Fingers crossed.

Oh, sorry.

That was... No, it's okay. I get it.

So, I had a look at Schachter's plan. He's opted for an N10 repair.

What'd you think?

It's good.

Oh, it's great. He's amazing. He's the best, right?

But? But nothing.

It's just that I've been in there. I've seen the amount of gap in the nerve, and

I know it's messier, but I thought a nerve graft might be better.

That's all.

I'm sure he's thought of it already.

He's the best.

Well, that would be... It would be much riskier.

You're right, it is.

But it could mean a full recovery.

You could use your own AIN for the graft. I've used it before. It's

practically gift-wrapped for meeting a nerve graft. Yeah, but if the graft

doesn't take, we shorten the nerve more. I could lose more function than I have

now.

You're right.

It's stupid. It's why Schecter's not doing it. He's smart not to.

Which is why you should.

What?

I want you to do the surgery.

No.

No.

Okay, graft, please.

Perfect. This looks... perfect.

It's Arizona.

There's a problem.

The combination of extreme exhaustion, dehydration, and exposure seems to have

put her in a state.

What do you mean? We think it's reactive psychosis.

She's unresponsive, and then when we go to examine her, she becomes violent.

Are you okay?

I wouldn't do that.

It's all right.

All right, all right, all right.

Christina, I'm gonna help you. Christina, I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna

help you.

So she doesn't speak at all?

She hasn't yet.

She just stares.

And breathes.

It's kind of weird, but the way that they talk about her around here, it's

like she's a legend, you know?

Hmm. And now she's like an end table.

Shane, that's horrible.

Stop it.

I'm gonna take a leap of absence.

I think three years ago I said I was gonna figure out how to make a great

roast chicken. Still haven't done it.

I just like how a house smells when there's a chicken in the oven.

You're gonna feel stronger in a couple days or weeks.

It takes as long as it takes.

And we have all the time in the world.

When you're back on your feet, you go back to work at whatever pace you want.

You go back into the OR and you can do your magic.

You won't have to deal with patients or families.

I'll take care of all of that.

You have to get out now.

I can't get out.

You can. I'll help you.

I stayed awake for four days.

I remember every single minute of those four days.

The fire went out. It was really, really dark.

There were so many stars.

I remember getting the bugs out of Arizona's leg.

I put leaves on it trying to keep them out.

I remember Mark.

Mark just kept dying.

It was so annoying.

I kept trying to help him, but he just kept trying to die on me.

I just wanted to lie down and sleep on him because he was warm.

And I wanted to sleep.

Meredith was asleep.

Everyone was asleep.

Arizona got the last of the water. I remember drinking something bad.

It might have been the fuel from the plane.

I drank my pee.

The noises.

The animal noises.

Fighting and growling right next to us, right there.

I kept waiting for them to come and kill me, but they didn't.

Then I realized...

They were fighting over Lexi.

I tried to keep them off of her. I tried.

But I couldn't get out.

I can't get out.

I can't get out.

Don't you see?

I'll never get out.

You okay?

Yep. You sure you know what you're doing? Yes.

It's one highway all the way to Minnesota.

Through Montana, across one of the Dakotas, can't remember which. No, I

meant by leaving.

Are you sure you're okay with it? Are you sure it's the right thing to do?

It's not you two. Owen just tried to... Well, yeah, because I'm worried that

you're just running away.

Yeah, I am. I'm fleeing, like Bambi from a forest fire. And so should you,

because horrible things happen here. No, something horrible happened, and we

should stick together.

You know what? We haven't stuck together.

I know we've grown together, like two gnarled trees twining around each other

trying to survive.

Survive what? Christina, this is life.

Bad things happen. It's hard. You find your people, you find your person, and

you lean on them. Oh, God, love you, man. You know, so many horrible things

have happened to you, and maybe you're okay with it, but you shouldn't be.

Go to Harvard.

Anywhere except here.

Seeing your dead sister around every corner.

Your mother died here. Your husband was shot here.

George died here. It's my life, and you were here for it, too.

I mean, now you sound like the same scary loner bitch who rode in here on a

motorcycle five years ago. Like the past five years, this never happened? Well,

you know, a part of me wishes it hadn't. Oh, okay. Well, then you should just go,

then. And you should not look back. Go.

Meredith. No, you know, Christina, you're right. I'm not your person. And

Owen isn't your person. Your person is you. And it always has been.

I flew to Boise. I was there. But they wouldn't let me in. They said I wasn't

family.

That's not fair.

You don't deserve... You deserve better.

Shh.

Stop it.

I'm here.

I'm not going anywhere, Mark.

I love you.

I love Lexi.

Loved.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm all right.

No, you're not.

You've been up for the past two nights bouncing between Arizona's room and

here. I just need some coffee.

Can you, um, can you stay with him while I run to the cafeteria? I'll stay with

him all night.

I just feel like we're losing him, Derek.

Usually when I talk to him, I sense that he's there, that he's listening, but I

think he's giving up.

I'm so scared the second I leave this hospital, I'm gonna get a phone call

that he's dead.

That's not gonna happen tonight.

Promise? Mm-hmm.

If he starts going south, I'll tell him to cut it out.

He idolizes me.

He'll do whatever I say.

Thank you.

You heard what I told her.

Don't make me look like an ass.

Pull together.

A lot of people counting on you.

I shouldn't have gone home. Is he okay?

Did he code?

Just come see. God, where the hell is Shepard? Avery, tell me what's going on.

Torres.

Where you been?

Pretty amazing recovery, right? Yeah, his stats are good. He's been weaned off

pressers. Yeah, BP's 110 over 60.

And he's making inappropriate sexual comments to Brooks.

It's fine.

No, it's not.

But right now I'm really, really enjoying it.

You

think

it's a surge?

Might be.

I don't know. I don't think it is.

What's the surge?

In many terminally ill patients, they have a final surge of energy. They get

better before they get worse.

But this is not that.

But in a little while, he'll do what all patients do.

He'll have epiphanies. He'll tell you what really matters in life, ask for his

family. Man is telling dirty jokes. It's not a surge.

No, I don't think so either.

Uh, facial lack.

Oh, I had a consult this morning. Rest augmentation.

B to D.

Did you tell her her breasts were beautiful the way they are?

No, I still think that's weird.

Well, I know you do, but you're wrong.

You tell her she's beautiful just the way she is, and if she believes you, you

save someone unnecessary surgical procedure.

And that is definitely not how I talk to a patient. No, but it's how you talk to

a woman, Avery.

We're in the business of making people feel better about themselves.

Again, sometimes when you talk, I feel like a male prostitute. She's a person

on the precipice of change, Avery. She's scared and she's worried.

God, the things we worry about.

So pointless.

And we get to help take that worry away.

It's why we're doctors.

It's actually why we're people. But somehow we forget that all that matters

is people.

And whether we walk away leaving them better or worse for having met us.

We control that, Avery.

I want you to promise me something.

If you love someone, you tell them.

Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing, even if you're scared that

it'll cause problems, even if you're scared that it will burn your life to

the ground, you say it, and you say it loud.

And then you go from there.

Hey, where's my kid? I want to see Sophia.

Avery, why don't you run up to daycare and bring her down here?

I can't bring a baby in the ICU. No, but you can sneak one in.

Come on, Avery, grow a pair.

You know what? Forget it. I'll do it. Oh, no, no, no. All right, I'll get her.

I'll get her. Yes.

Mommy!

Is this what I think it is?

There's no way to know.

We'll just take it as it comes, okay?

Um, can we talk? I'm leaving.

No, actually, I've got to grab Sophia.

For Sloan, he needs to see her. But I can call you later. Uh, no, Jackson, I'm

leaving.

For home.

Moline. My flight's in a few hours.

What are you... I... I don't have a job here anymore.

My contract actually ended a few days ago, but I stuck around waiting for

Sloan to get better, and he's better, so... All right, I've got to get Sophia

right now, okay? But can you just wait?

Just wait for me at Joe's. We can have a drink. We can talk.

Just, okay? Just wait for me at Joe's.

Don't tell Callie she's about to operate on Derek.

Okay.

Derek doesn't need to go into the surgery worried, so don't say anything

to him.

They can reschedule the surgery, Mark. I'm sure they'd want to. No.

That surgery's gonna get Derek back into the OR where he belongs.

Nobody's got better hands than him.

Except maybe Callie.

Have you looked at her hands?

They're beautiful.

Sophie has her hands.

Callie really doesn't even know how good she is.

Sometimes you wish people would just see themselves the way you do.

This is Serge talking.

No, this is you.

This is all you.

So keep going.

Because I'm not going anywhere.

The extensive bone injury along with the degree of soft tissue infection is

troubling.

No matter what we do... If the infection goes to the bone, it'll be hard to

treat. And eventually you're looking at bone loss.

I'm going to have to say, officially I'm recommending amputation.

Show me the... Show them to me.

All consent before you drug me or sedate me. I give nobody permission to cut off

my leg.

And certainly not some yahoo and dumb truck.

I don't... I want to go home to Callie.

She'll know what to do.

Just take me home.

Is that... Is that fair, right? Does that hurt?

It doesn't hurt.

And anything that doesn't hurt feels good.

Thanks.

Are the infection better or worse? Don't worry about that right now, okay? Just

try to feel good.

Hey.

Hey.

Sorry I haven't been around. I just wanted to let you know that I gave

Chunky Stewart his intestinal transplant today.

Went great. He's responding well.

Oh, and I know that you like to do that thing where you bring him his favorite

food in a couple of months when he can handle solids, so it's Hawaiian pizza.

I just thought I should tell you.

Thank you.

It should have been me on that plane. If I could trade places with you, I

would... I would let you.

I had that thought a lot, too.

And I didn't like myself for it, but I did.

I kept thinking about my wife and baby and how you had no wife and no baby.

You had no one.

I only went on that plane because I was pissed at you.

So I kept wondering.

I'm only here because he's so selfish and thoughtless.

And no matter how hard I tried to make him better, he's still a horrible

person. So now... I keep wondering why

this would happen to someone like me instead of someone like you.

So I guess I'm still pretty pissed off.

Would you get out of my room?

Please.

Hey, look who's here.

Hey, we just had lunch and now it's back to the crayon mines for her.

I'll go back and see you tonight.

Okay.

You need to take her to the park more. She goes from that apartment to the

daycare. She's indoors all day.

Okay. We should... We should get a house.

Whoa.

Slow down.

Then she can have a yard and she doesn't... have to be inside all the

time. Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, what's wrong? Do we have a plan?

Yet.

Do we? We are waiting for the infection to improve and then we will know what...

options we have.

Well, if the vancomycin isn't working, then put me on clostridin. I'll be

stronger. I understand. No, you don't.

You don't. Because you know what your life is going to be.

You know if you're going to take her to the park.

Or if you're going to stand at an OR table again. You will. Of course you

will. I know what my options are.

And the longer we wait, the more that my vascularity diminishes, the more the

nerves die, and the more the muscle atrophies have been. There's only one

option. Okay, we are so far from that happening. Do something, Callie. You

need to do something.

Please, please don't give up on me. Arizona, I'm not. Promise.

Promise me you won't let them take my leg.

I promise.

I do. I promise, okay? I promise you.

This is a good... You're not her doctor. Oh, I'm not saying I'll do the surgery.

Carlson can do it. There is a real possibility she may lose her leg. You

need to help her prepare for that. No, no, no. An intramedullary nailing can

save the leg. Define safe.

Her leg will never be the same.

A prosthetic can give Arizona a better quality of life than years of rehab and

chronic pain. I don't need to tell you this. No, in fact, it's pretty

condescending. Or the surgery will make her infection worse and increase her

risk of an EBT. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's her leg. I'm risking it. I'm doing

it. You are not doing anything.

She's your wife, not your patient. She's not, though. She's not my wife.

I don't know who she is.

Did this happen with Christina?

It's like you're looking at her, but there's nothing inside. I feel like

she's just this shell. All the Arizona's been scooped out, and she's just this

shell now, and I want her back.

And I don't think I'll ever get her back if we cut off that leg, so...

I'm going to save it. I've made a plan to save it. And you're going to get on

board. And then we'll work out a plan to get Christina back. But you need to help

me now.

I don't think I'm ever going to get Christina back.

You can use a free flap to cover the open fracture site.

What do you think about pulling a bra?

There we go.

It's from Mark. He's still doing great. He said to tell you good luck tomorrow.

Hey, it's still way down. Looks good. I haven't eaten since breakfast. Okay,

your surgery's not till noon tomorrow.

Carlson doesn't care if you eat now. Well, I'm just, I'm gonna be an

unbelievably good patient.

Oh.

Okay.

I have to go.

You're an unbelievably good doctor.

Say more.

My wife is the doctor that's going to fix Derek Shepard's million dollar hand.

She's that good. Okay, stop. You're freaking me out now.

You are outstanding.

And I love you.

I brought you a piece of Chunky's Juice Pizza.

He's eating tonight, thanks to you.

Us.

He's out of the woods, so I'm out of here.

I'm going to Hopkins.

I've really been busting my ass to make sure everything's run smoothly, and now

I'm done.

So just... Goodbye.

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm sorry that it made you hate me.

It's Arizona. There's a problem.

What? She's crashing.

Crashing? She's... Temp's 104.

Serum lactate is 6.

She's in septic shock. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Do you have her impressors? I've got her impressors, triple antibiotics.

I've got her on aggressive IV fluids. Did you give her supplemental oxygen? I

intubated her.

She's crashing.

Do you... Did you start her on hydrocortisone?

Yeah. Do you have her impressors? Yes, I told you, yes.

Look, she's still deteriorating.

She's dying.

It's the leg.

It's the leg.

Cut it off.

Go.

Just do a good job, please.

Do your best.

Golly, what do you need? What can I do? Nothing, I'm fine.

I'm fine, really.

I know.

In the event that my heart stops beating and I stop breathing, I want to be

resuscitated.

Well, don't go crazy, but... If you can get me back, yeah, get me back.

Initial here.

In the event that I am close to death and life support would only postpone

that moment of my death, I, A...

Want to receive tube feeding. B.

I want tube feeding only as my physician recommends. And C.

I do not want tube feeding.

Initial one.

This section specifies a time of withdrawal of care.

Life-sustaining care shall be withdrawn if signs of recovery are not seen after

a period of 30 days.

Hey, so I haven't called because, well, neither have you, so.

You were right about all of it.

You were right.

This is a place where horrible things happen.

You were right to go.

You're probably escaping disaster.

Claire!

Will you take her, please?

Look at me.

I practically grew up here.

Too late.

Here you go, doctor.

And you're right.

It's hurt me.

in ways I'll probably never get over.

I have a lot of memories of people.

People I've lost forever.

But I have a lot of other memories too.

This is the place where I fell in love.

The place where I found my family.

This is where I learned to be a doctor.

Where I learned how to take responsibility for someone else's life.

And it's the place I met you.

So, I figure this place has given me as much as it's taken from me.

I've lived here as much as I've survived here.

It just depends on how I look at it.

I'm going to choose to look at it that way and remember you that way.

Hope you're good.

Bye.

Hello?

You are my person. You will always be my person.