Original subtitles

I'm so glad y'all could make it for Grace's birthday.

Boy, is she gonna be surprised.

I can't believe it's been five years since y'all have seen each other. You

know, well, time flies when your sister's married to the Deliverance

Banjo Boy.

Well, I'm so glad she kicked him out. He made it impossible to come visit.

It was hard to even call once he learned how the telephone worked. Huh, what the

heck's that ringing?

Oh boy, okay, here she is. Oh man, she's going to be so surprised to see her

sister, she's just going to die.

Hey Evie, hey Faye, put these up for me, will you?

Thanks.

Can you see me walking down the

street?

Beatbox plays a click track to my empty mind.

Now my walkman's playing a slow and endless march, and I'm looking for that

bright spot in the sky.

But in my eyes, there's a perfect world.

I can see it, a perfect world.

This is great. We all rotate in hair colors.

Clara. L'Oreal.

Clorox.

So what else is going on at home?

Oh, God.

Tell her about the play.

What play?

Community Theater's putting on Macbeth. Only nobody can do a British accent, so

they set it in Alabama.

I want to see that.

Is this a deer rifle I see before me?

Bubble double, toil and trouble.

Fire bun and cauldron bubble, y'all.

Hey, did your mama ever make you her famous armadillo chili?

Armadillo? Boy, get drunk once, toss a little roadkill, and they never let you

forget it.

Libby, did you know I was with your mama the day you were born?

No. Uh-huh.

Boy, you're real pretty now, but whoo, when you came out, boy, were you ugly.

I was not. You look like a little monkey with blonde hair.

Yeah, Libby, don't you remember living in a tree for a while?

Y'all go upstairs and get washed up for supper, okay?

You were a monkey.

Was not.

Was so.

You did a real good job raising those kids, Grace.

I couldn't have done it alone.

Wait a minute. I did do it alone.

Hey, Grace, you sure you want to have some champagne? I got this special for

your birthday.

Evie, you know I haven't had a drink since I found out I was pregnant with

Quentin. Oh.

Yeah. Guess I forgot.

Oh, thanks anyway.

You're welcome.

Grace, I think you ought to tell Evie to slow down on the champagne.

Hmm, I forgot about the joys of being the middle sister.

Evie, Faith thinks you should slow down.

Grace, you can tell Faith I think she's an old tight ass.

Faith, Evie says you look great in a pair of jeans.

Tell Evie I said to stiff it.

Evie? Faith says she's very happy to be in this country and looks forward to

owning a convenience store.

Grace,

this chili is perfect.

Thanks, Russell.

So what's the deal? You and Grace doing it?

Like bunnies day and night.

We're doing it right now.

We're just friends.

It's just as well, Russell. You're not her type anyway.

What is my type, Evie?

Well, you're just like me, Grace. You like them a little dangerous.

I'm dangerous?

Well, come on. What is it with you girls and your bad boys?

It's really simple, Russell.

Given a choice between a Corvette and a Buick, most women are gonna take that

bet, spin it around the block a few times, crash it in a wall, and then go

trade it in for a nice, safe Russell. I mean, Buick.

Okay, so what?

I'm a LeSabre, then?

Well... More like a Skylark.

With dual airbags.

Listen, you think Grace's ex-husband was bad. You should have seen the guy she

went out with in high school. Was it Clayton Huntley?

That guy had a plate in his head.

Not a metal plate. A real plate.

He ran his dirt bike into a china shop and the doctors thought it'd be safer if

they just left it in.

Oh, Grace, wait till I tell you about this guy I'm seeing now.

He rides a Harley, works out all the time. I mean, muscles, unbelievable.

Come on, please. I mean, does the guy have a job?

I mean, is he building some kind of pension fund?

Does he go for medicals? What's his cholesterol count? Mine happens to be

117. Can he beat that? I don't think so.

Is he kidding?

I'm afraid not.

Grace, thanks very much for the meal.

I'll leave you girls to talk about your bad boys.

I'm going to go count my tax shelters.

See you later, Russell.

Good night, Russell.

Good night.

Bye, Russell.

He is so cute, Grace.

He's just like a little koala bear in a windbreaker.

Russell's a great guy.

Does he snore?

How would I know?

Good answer.

Grace, Grace.

You ought to tell her she's cut off on the wine.

Evie, Faith says it's last call.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, if I'm gonna sleep on the couch, we're gonna need some extra blankets.

And Nadine's got some. I'll go over and get them in a minute.

Oh, no, I'll go.

Give you two a chance to talk about me behind my back.

Come on, we got more important things to talk about than you.

Yeah, right.

What the hell's wrong with her?

Hey, Wade.

Hey, Evie. What's up?

I was just looking for your wife.

We need some extra blankets.

Oh, hey, I can get those for you. Let me clean up. That's okay.

Finish what you were doing.

Okay.

Gee, that sure is pretty.

Thank you.

Where'd you learn how to do that?

When I was in Vietnam, I ran recon with some Montagnard tribesmen.

Who?

Montagnard tribesmen. They're vicious jungle fighters, yet they can create

these delicate pieces of art.

That must be kind of hard, reconciling the two halves of your personality like

that. Well, yeah.

When, um... What do you mean?

The warrior and the artist.

Oh, those two.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's tough, but I just sort of do it.

Eventually,

the warrior and the artist sort of merge, kind of become a, um... a

wardist.

Could you show me how to do that sometime?

I'd be glad to. How about now? Now is not a good time.

Hey, how about I get those blankets, huh?

What about your pot?

Oh, that's a silly hobby.

You stay here.

I'll be back.

You're not going to want to hear this, but Patrick looks a lot like Jimmy.

Oh, that's all right. It's good to know everything me and Jimmy did didn't turn

out so bad.

You know, I don't mind sleeping down on the couch if you want Evie to sleep up

here with you.

No, let her sleep on the couch. As much champagne as she had tonight, it's a

shorter drop to the floor.

I came to say goodnight, Aunt Faith.

Oh, goodnight, sweetheart.

You know, if I had a little girl, I'd want her to be just like you. You are so

adorable.

And you're so overbearing.

What?

That's what Mama says.

Libby, come to bed immediately.

Kids.

You told her I was overbearing?

You know, kids confuse things. But you told somebody, so you must think it.

Well, no, maybe once.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot. No, not anymore, but you used to think you knew what was best for

everybody being the big sister all the time.

Yeah, well, speaking of big sister, it's your turn with Evie. I'm not getting

involved in her life. You don't understand. This guy she's seeing now is

really bad news. I already can tell what he's like. Let me guess. He sits around

her apartment wearing a Marshall Tucker T-shirt, drinking malt liquor, watching

arena football with his hand down the front of his pants.

All right, he's deaf in one ear. And he works construction, but only when it's

nice out.

This is why I thought you'd be the one to talk to her. Well, I'm not gonna say

anything, because then she'll resent me because I'll be overbearing like you.

Oh, stop it.

Hey, I brought you something you'll find interesting.

Gracie, look.

Oh, my God.

It's a letter I wrote to Daddy the night I ran off with Jimmy.

Dear Daddy, I know you won't understand this, but Jimmy and I are destined to

love one another throughout eternity.

Oh, God, I was so stupid.

Keep reading. You get stupider.

I know in time you'll learn to love Jimmy as much as I do.

That's ironic. In time, I learned to hate Jimmy as much as Daddy did.

Nobody hated your ex-husband as much as your Daddy.

I remember that night Daddy came out to our trailer.

I'm standing there with the biggest black eye you've ever seen, and Daddy's

on the porch hollering at me to get in the car and come home.

I never knew about that.

I slammed the door in his face, and Daddy just stood out there.

Like, he didn't say anything. And then after a really long time, he just walked

off.

I never saw him again.

Yeah, I'm going to be the one to tell Evie how to live her life.

Oh, you feed her like ice cubes.

Bite me, Faith.

There you go.

Thank you.

So, I understand you've never been married. How come?

Well, Russell, I'm one of those women who had to choose between a marriage or

my career.

I chose career.

Oh, yeah? What do you do?

I own three pet grooming salons in Alabama.

One of them's a drive-thru.

That's interesting.

How about you? Grace tells me you're a pharmacist. Well, did she also tell you

that I own a pharmacy?

Actually, I own two.

Well, my ex-wife got one of them.

The good one.

The one right next to the hospital with all the foot traffic.

You're in a lot of pain, aren't you, Russell?

Did you ever consider having your ex whacked?

Excuse me?

You know, take her out, waste her.

I know a guy in Huntsville do it for a lawnmower.

You know, Faith, sitting here with you, joking about killing my ex-wife, it's

very refreshing.

And more than a little arousing.

Remember last night we were talking about how a lot of women would choose a

Corvette over a Buick? Mm-hmm.

To me, there's nothing better than slipping behind the wheel of a big old

Buick and taking a long, slow drive.

Uh,

check, please. We're out of here.

Hey. Hey, birthday girl. How you doing? You feel older?

Well... I've been thinking about this one, Wade. I figure that with the

advances in medicine and the complete lack of sex in my life, I can live

another 70 years.

You know what that means? That somewhere around the year 2063, the kids will

finally have moved out, my car will probably be paid for, and I'll be

walking around happy in the knowledge that my ex is six feet under with a big

old peach tree growing out of his butt.

Yeah, well, there's something to look forward to.

Happy birthday. Thanks.

Hey, Evie.

You hungry?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I'm only gonna be here another day, and you still haven't given me that

pottery lesson.

Well, uh, I'm flipping hamburgers.

Well, we don't have to do it now. We could do it later, like after the party.

No, no, can't after the party. I gotta drive some friends to Europe.

I gotta go to the...

Uh, airport.

My friends are going to Europe. Can you hold that? I'm gonna get out. I'm

sweating all over the chicken wings.

Oh, man.

What's the matter, Wade? Oh, Grace's little sister keeps hitting on me.

Boy, feisty bunch, those sisters, huh?

You know the worst part?

I'm a happily married man, Russell, but I still can't stop thinking these evil

thoughts I'm thinking.

That's okay. There's nothing I haven't thought myself.

Oh, it's different, Russell. I could actually score.

You know what's killing me?

What? I have absolutely no intention of following up on these thoughts, but my

sweet little wife over there, she knows every thought that's going through my

mind.

Talk to you for a minute.

Yeah, what's up?

Well, you know, I know it's your birthday, and I don't want to, you know,

spoil it for you or anything, and I'm probably overreacting. I had a beer, and

that makes me a little sensitive, maybe a little too sensitive, but, you know, I

feel what I feel. I can't help but feel my feelings. Your little sister is a

slut.

What happened? She's hitting on my husband.

Did you hear something?

No. Wade say something to you?

Of course not.

Oh, come on, Grace, it's so obvious. After she spoke to him, he smiled and

waved at me.

Oh, no.

Tell me about it. Wait a minute. Wade's a big boy. He can handle my bony little

sister, all right? He's probably out there right now completely ignoring her.

Okay, I know, I know. You're probably right.

guys work with grace huh yeah that's right yeah what's that like oh she's a

great gal you know just like uh one of the guys well what was it like uh

growing up with grace oh she was wild oh really like how oh i don't think

i should be telling personal stories oh come on just one okay

Gracia's 18th birthday was on a Sunday, and we were all going to church, but she

said she had a headache, so she stayed home. Anyway, we all left, but we didn't

go to church. Daddy just drove around the block a few times. Then we went back

home, ran into her bedroom, hollering, happy birthday.

Was she surprised?

Well, not half as surprised as Billy Lidecker. He was standing in the middle

of the room, and the only thing he had on was a big red ribbon.

Boy, she must have been embarrassed.

Oh, no.

over and said... Daddy, would you lead us in prayer?

How you doing, Grace?

Evie, why don't you come to the kitchen with me and get some more punch?

Oh, no, that's okay. I mean, you know, I'll get it.

Grace.

I'll get it. Oh, darn. The punch must have gone flat. Smells just like

straight vodka.

Oh, come on. How many times have I seen you knocking back slowly and telling

everyone it was water?

Well, you don't see me doing it anymore.

Jeez. I don't believe you. You used to kid the heck out of me because I don't

drink. Now you're giving me a hard time because I do.

Okay, fine.

Then what's the idea of hitting on my best friend's husband?

Oh, it's just being nice.

There is just no winning with you. Never has been.

What is that supposed to mean?

Happy birthday to you.

wouldn't come true.

Oh, come on, Grace. Tell us. What'd you wish for?

I know what I'm wishing for.

You know what? It's been a long time since I was glad to be a year older.

This is a great party. Thank you, friends.

Nice, sweet kids.

Especially my sister's faith.

Evie?

Morning.

Morning, Carl.

Grace?

Sorry I got back in so late. Hope you weren't worried.

I'm not, Mom. I don't stay up late worrying about you.

Me and Carl went to a couple of bars.

Then he showed me the lights at the refinery.

It was so pretty, like a big jewel box.

That's nice.

Listen, I'm sorry I left your birthday party, okay?

Yeah, forget it.

No, go on. Say what you're gonna say.

I'm not Faith. Don't ask me what I think unless you want to hear it.

You think I'm gonna run off with some loser like Jimmy and wind up stuck with

three kids. I know.

Hey, you know what?

I'm not stuck with my kids.

They're the best thing that ever happened to me.

As far as marrying some loser like Jimmy, you think I would have married

him if I weren't drunk all the time?

I married a guy who'd watch Old Yeller, then run around the house crying, Dog

died!

That is, when he wasn't smacking me around.

I know the road you're on. I've been on it. I know what you're about to hit. Oh,

please. I thought I didn't have a right to tell you what to do with your life,

and then I realized something. You're my sister. I can say what I want, and you

have to listen. Ha!

Grace. And you can't hide, either.

I know where all the losers go in Alabama.

I was their queen.

I will hunt you down, dry you out, chicken fry your boyfriend, and take you

to face for a flea dip.

I am your worst nightmare.

I'm a sister who cares.

Bye.

Well, I guess it's time.

It's a little different than the last time you said goodbye.

Well, yeah, Jimmy's not growling at you through the screen door.

I got something for you, and you're really gonna like it.

It belonged to Daddy, and I know he would have wanted you to have it.

Oh, his purple heart. Mm-hmm.

He knew why you couldn't come home, Grace.

Wounded in action.

You deserve it.

Thanks. It's good to have you back.

It's good to be back. I love you.

Mm-hmm. I love you.

Faith! Wait!

I just wanted to catch you before you left and say goodbye.

You didn't have to go to all that trouble, Russell.

Well, believe me, after what happened last night, it is no trouble at all.

What happened?

He got us Buick detailed.

Hey, you guys taking off? Oh, yeah. Thanks for inviting us. I'm so glad you

could come.

Come on, Evie, let's go.

Yeah, Evie, time to go.

Hey, walk me to the car, bad boy.

Hear that, Grace?

You called me a bad boy.

Take care, you hear me?

Don't make me hunt you down and give you this purple heart.

Be good.

Bye. Be careful. Drive careful.

See you soon.

I thought they'd never leave.

Is she gone?

Yeah, Wade, the coast is clear.

Listen,

Grace, I wanted to give you this last night, but it just didn't seem quite

like the right time, what with everything going on with your sister and

all.

Happy birthday. Wait, it's beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm sorry if Evie made you uncomfortable.

Oh, no, forget it.

You know, I know she was feeling a little insecure and everything. Didn't

really bother me at all. Here, honey, I bought you a watch.