Original subtitles

This is Dr. Fraser Crane. We'll be right back after this.

Okay, after this spot, we're going to come back for 15 seconds. You do a

station ID and then toss it to the news. I'll count you down.

That won't be necessary.

I have a built-in mental stopwatch.

As a child playing hide-and-go-seek, I was the only one that didn't need to say

one hippopotamus, two hippopotamus.

Fraser, I've heard you. You're always either talking into the news or running

short. I am not.

I'll bet you.

20 bucks below this weight. All right, you are on.

No, you are.

Hello, we're back.

This is Dr. Frasier Crane, tuning in for our second hour of the Dr. Frasier Crane

Show. In our first hour, we covered everything from anorexia to xenophobia.

What will be next?

As always, of course, that's entirely up to you.

So stick around. The doctor is in, and he's listening.

Oh, this is KACL, 780 AM. This is NBC News.

I'm Mary Beth Davis.

That was very smooth.

Thank you.

Let's see.

One Andrew Jackson, two Andrew Jackson. Oh, stop it.

Frazier, I've been getting a lot of complaints from sponsors saying that

their ads are getting buried in huge commercial blocks.

I see.

So, instead of having four blocks per hour, we're going to have eight, only

they're only going to be half as long.

In fact, it might help them.

And you want to stay on top, don't you, Frazier?

Frazier?

Of course, very much so.

Good.

Frazier, what was that?

What was what?

You can call me crazy, but when you were talking to Kate, you had this goofy

little teenage look on your face.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear you got a thing for her.

For Kate?

Look at you. You're flushed. Well, I had Mexican for lunch.

It's not lust. It's a chichanga.

Frazier, I'm sorry, but I'm never wrong about these things.

But have you lost your mind?

Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong.

Roz, you're wrong.

Oh, my God! I'm sitting on a powder keg here. You've got a crush on Kate.

Stop it.

Everybody else, you're the biggest gossip in the entire station. You'll be

sworn to secrecy. I swear I won't tell anyone.

Nope, doesn't count until you shake my hand. Oh, all right.

All right.

Ross, Kate and I... Oh, my God! Kate's Dirty Girl!

Oh, no! No, no, no! I did not shake! You know! I let go of it! I won't... Damn

it!

Kate is the woman you had sex with on the air in this booth and you were

calling Dirty Girl? Oh, my God.

I just need a minute here.

Okay.

Of course, it happened months ago.

Only a couple of times.

Uh-huh. It's funny.

Uh-huh. The relationship started out so antagonistic, and suddenly it just

spilled over into passion. It was intense, romantic, exciting.

Of course, the whole thing's over now, but... Now, Roz, you will say nothing,

absolutely nothing.

Roz.

Roz. Boy, I'll never do that again.

I notice you're grating that carrot at a 45-degree angle.

Does that enhance the flavour?

No, no.

Just an old habit.

And why exactly did you choose to grate carrots?

Because we have carrots.

I hope you don't mind all the questions. It's just, now I'm separated, it's time

I learned to cook for myself.

It's quite all right.

Tell you what, why don't you grate while I put the chicken in? Right.

Thousands of little metal teeth.

Able to tear the flesh right off your... No!

Nope, nope, false alarm.

Normally I bleed like the Russian royal family, but not today.

That's interesting.

You put a toothpick in that chicken.

Now, is that to check when it's done?

No, I'm just marking which one is yours.

Dr. Green!

Would you mind setting the table? Oh, certainly.

Just give a yell if there's anything else that you need to have grated.

You've done enough grating for one night.

Writing a letter?

No, I'm writing my memoirs.

I'll take that as a yes.

My old army buddy.

But, you know, that's the improper use of a hyphen.

Somehow, I don't think Maury Dingman will mind.

Well, then I'm sure he won't notice that missing comma and that run-on sentence.

Although this is a particularly glaring error, it's best not to end a sentence

with a preposition.

Not to be technical, but off is a preposition, too.

Good news. I have tickets for the symphony tomorrow night. Are you free?

Well, actually, no. I have a date. With who?

Oh, some woman I met at my accountant's. Yeah, when I was in the service, first

thing I'd do when I hit a new port was go straight to an accountant and find

out where the action was.

Well, I must admit I'm having a little trouble working up my enthusiasm about

it. It's not really the woman's fault. It's just I find myself preoccupied with

somebody else right now.

Well, frankly, sir.

Gone a bit beyond preoccupation. I'm having fantasies about her all the time.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with that.

You know, when I first met your mother, she was so upbeat and bouncy, I used to

fantasize about her wearing a skimpy little cheerleader outfit, shaking her

potty. Oh,

grow up, you two.

You said it's perfectly natural.

Can't tell you the number of times I was on a stakeout in the cold, picturing

your mother in front of a warm fire, wearing nothing but a... Dad, frankly, I

don't get it either.

Oh, I'm sorry. One day your mother and I went on a church picnic and the two of

you came floating down the river in little wicker baskets.

Was that so hard?

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if I have real feelings for this woman.

I mean, I think about her all the time.

Oh, this sounds interesting.

Who are we talking about?

Kate from the office. Oh, dirty girl.

She seemed nice. Well, she is nice.

Intelligent, accomplished.

Well, if you think so much of her, why don't you ask her out?

Well, we agreed we wouldn't pursue things, and frankly, she hasn't given me

any indication since that she's even had second thought about me.

Added to which, if Frasier did pursue her and she rejected him, he could

hardly rationalize it by saying she doesn't know what she's missing. She

would know exactly what she's missing. She just didn't miss it.

You can't let fear of rejection stop you, Dr. Green.

Oh, you know, Daphne, it's just not that easy, really.

Maybe I'm letting this romantic fantasy run away with me. Truth is, we don't

really know each other very well. And, you know, what if she did reject me?

Then I'd end up going to work every day feeling like a fool.

Hey, am I getting a whiff of chicken here?

Oh, fine, Dad. You know, frankly, I've had enough of you and your adolescent

wisecracks.

I am not chicken. I'm just merely hesitant.

All right, I will ask her out tomorrow. Fine, I hope that makes you happy.

I just thought I smelled dinner.

Oh, Kate, hi, there you are. I wanted to talk with you.

I'm just going down to the billing department.

I'll ride along with you.

You know, it seems...

Every time we speak lately, the conversation always leads to ratings or

commercials or demographics, hirings and firings, promotions, demotions, the odd

skirmish over the expense account.

It just seems all so dry and impersonal.

Did I hit the right button?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you did. You did. You hit the right button.

I'm sorry. I've got a lot on my mind.

Well, so do I.

Kate, I wanted to ask you... Frazier, I'm leaving KACL.

I'm moving to Chicago.

What? Yeah, I'm taking over our station there.

In fact, I'm going out on the red-eye tonight. I thought, given our history, I

should tell you first.

Well, I'm at a loss for words.

Wouldn't you know it? On the day I'm leaving.

Well, congratulations. This is a big step for you. Yeah, thanks.

Boy, this was not an easy decision, believe me.

You never know if you're leaving a place too soon.

Well, all I know is that for the time you've been here, I've certainly enjoyed

having you.

Oh, no.

Having you, yes. I know.

Well,

I guess this is goodbye.

I suppose so.

Goodbye, Kate.

My, don't you look dashing.

Oh, well, thank you.

So, tell me about this woman you're going out with.

Well, her name's Donna. She's an art director.

Or a park director. I forget.

Look, I know you're upset about Kate leaving, but cheer up.

There's nothing quite as exciting as a first date.

All those questions you ask.

What's your favourite food?

What's your favourite colour?

If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal would you be?

ask you that one what would you say check please comes to mind

hello

Niles no one was mean to you last night no if you want to

come over that's great yeah I would love to see you okay bye no traffic

Dad, you sounded lonely, so I rented some movies.

Oh, didn't you know the VCR is broken?

No subtitles this time. Oh, that's right. I get it fixed.

What did you bring?

I have The Way We Were and a classic, Casablanca. Oh, I just love that movie.

Is there any more heartbreaking moment in all of film than when Humphrey Bogart

tells Ingrid Bergman to get on that plane with Victor Laszlo, even though

Bogie loves her?

What an ending.

Well, here goes my need to finally see that one.

He cares deeply for her, and yet he lets her go.

I wonder why Bogey did that.

Well, why don't we put the movie in and find out?

Because Laszlo needed her by his side to fight the Nazis. Oh, forget the Nazis.

A man in his right mind would give up any referral.

Oh, sure.

Sacrifice the entire free world for a little Swedish meatball.

Look. I don't like Nazis any more than the next guy, but what's Ingrid going to

do with Laszlo?

You're missing the point. What makes the movie so romantic is seeing Bogey go

from a cynical playboy to a noble, self-sacrificing patriot.

Why don't you just put on some trench coats and act it out?

I'm telling you, if you're in his shoes, you've only got one choice.

I'll say you do. You get the hell down to the airport and tell her to get off

the plane.

She's going to Lisbon to fight the Nazis.

No, she's not.

He's going to Chicago to turn a country western station into an all-talk format.

Hey, where are you going?

To stop Kate from getting on that plane. Well, your dad's going to be here in a

minute. What are you supposed to tell her?

Oh, I don't know.

Tell her I'm visiting a sick friend or something. Oh, better yet, just tell her

the truth.

Sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together.

Oh,

it's just like Redford and Streisand at the end of The Way We Were. And that's

enough.

I don't say anything. Just listen.

Kate, this afternoon I wanted to say something to you, but when I found out

you were leaving, I held back. Well, I'm not holding back anymore.

I can't stop thinking about you.

Not just about the times we made love, but about the possibility that we might

have a future together. Now, if there's any part of you that wonders the same

thing about me, we owe it to ourselves to see it through.

See, if you get on that plane tonight, we'll regret it.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

And for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, I... I think I've made my point.

What do you think?

Kate?

More importantly, what do you think?

Oh, for God's sake, you've been bawling the whole movie.

I have not. My eyes just itch.

Turns out Bogey was right to let her go.

Oh, Frazier, what are you doing here?

Look, Donna stayed to watch Casablanca with us.

Donna? Hi.

Hello, Frazier. How's your friend?

In the hospital.

He's doing much better, actually. They're thinking of sending him home

tomorrow. After a heart transplant?

Well, he's with an HMO.

So, uh, what do you say we have that dinner?

Oh, great. I'll just grab my coat. Great.

Kate. Okay, now you listen to me.

I was so touched by what you just said at my apartment.

You said everything that I've wanted to say to you for the last two months.

Tony's just the guy that I went out with a couple of times. He just came over to

say goodbye to me before I went to the airport.

When you saw him, you know, you just looked so hurt. You had a date with Fer

tonight, too?

But apparently you rebounded.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were sincere.

Excuse me. Hold the elevator.

I was, Kate.

Look, this woman means nothing to me.

Oh, thanks a lot.

I'm sorry, Donna. I'm truly sorry. It was very inconsiderate, but that woman

means a great deal to me. Look, I'm sure you'll hate me, but I've just got to do

what I've got to do.

I'm really sorry about this.

Why don't you stay and watch the end of the movie? Oh, thank you, but I spent

quite enough time in this house tonight.

This is lucky. We can ride down together.

Kate! Kate!

Oh, my God.

I know you're upset. I don't even care about that woman.

She's just a blind date. I didn't even want to go on. I wanted to be with you

tonight. I know. I overreacted. I overreacted. I've been standing here for

a half an hour hoping you'd come. I never thought you'd come.

I can't believe we waited so long. I have to say something to you. Oh,

listen, listen. It's not your fault. I could have said something.

Well,

it doesn't matter. We're together now. Your boarding pass, please.

Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

Well, couldn't you just stay one more night? Just call them. Tell them you'll

come in tomorrow. I can't. I have a board meeting in the morning.

Oh, damn.

All right, look. I'll call you. Where are you staying? I'm staying at the

Drake. But you know what? I'll call you. I'll call you the minute I get in.

All right.

Ma'am, we're closing the doors. Consider closing. All right, bye.

Goodbye.

I'll miss you. I'll miss you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I just spoke with our captain and we're having a little

technical snag. So, flight 487 to Chicago will be delayed indefinitely.

I missed you. I missed you, too.

The minute that door closed, I started praying for something bad to happen to

your plane.

You must just like baby.

It's like somebody's willing us to get together. I felt that way since the

moment I met you. Yeah, me too.

Look, why don't you come with me tonight?

Oh, I've got to work.

I can come out next weekend.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, great. You know what? You can meet my twin sister. She lives in Chicago.

You've got a twin?

Yeah. Wow.

You know, there's so much we don't know about each other.

Well, ask me. Ask me anything.

Okay.

Oh, I know.

What's your favorite color?

Blue. What's yours?

Arctic silver.

It's available on all the big BMWs.

What's your favorite city?

Paris. Museum?

The Prado.

Musical?

Candide. Yours?

Cats.

Really? Well, I love cats.

I have a cat.

Would you like to meet Louis?

Oh, oh, uh...

No, no, you know, it's allergies.

Allergies. I'm not really much of a pet person.

Oh, really?

Oh, no.

All right, we'll work around that.

Oh, you know what we can do when you come out? We can go jogging around the

lake. Oh, Fraser, the lake is so beautiful.

Do you ever jog?

Once.

In a dark parking lot when a truck backfired.

All right, we can do something that you like. What do you like? What do you

like? Well, we could go antiquing.

You know what?

I'm not one of those people for whom antique is a verb.

Well, listen, this is all good. The contrasts between us will only make our

relationship more vibrant.

Vive la différence, eh? Vive la différence.

Oh,

he's getting to you, isn't he?

I, well, no, no, it's all right, it's all right. Well, you know, if this is

really gonna be a problem, there is a shot.

Yes.

And I understand they're completely humane.

Oh, you, you meant an allergy shot, didn't you?

Louie. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Frazier. I'm just afraid if I move Louie any

further away, they're going to think he's a bomb.

It's all right. It's all right.

So, you were saying that you love animals.

Oh, yeah.

I think that's one of the main things that motivates me to work so hard. I've

always had this dream.

to get a ranch in Montana, you know, and ski in the mornings and ride horses in

the afternoons. I just always wanted to raise horses.

Wow.

Life on a ranch, raising horses.

I always pictured myself in a penthouse raising children.

You still want more children, then, huh?

Yes.

You like kids?

Oh, yeah. I love kids.

I don't see myself mothering one, though.

You know what? Just to be on the safe side, let me just check and see if

there's another flight to Chicago. He couldn't hurt.

Excuse me.

Yes? Is there another flight to Chicago tonight?

Not until morning. How about on another airline?

Well, it's not good.

American has one connecting through Atlanta, leaving in 10 minutes.

Atlanta's good. That's a hub. Hey, but they're way on the other side of the

airport.

Damn, I'll never get there.

Oh, look, Kate.

Fate to the rescue once again.

Sir, this woman has to get across the terminal post haste. Hey, pal, this will

go a lot faster with just one person.

Good point.

Bye.

It's pretty, though.

Isn't it?

This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

They're calling again.

Goodnight, everybody!