Original subtitles

Not yet, Carrie.

Not yet, Carrie.

Arnaby, you have the key.

Well, look for it, darling.

Look, in this first pocket, that's

usually where you hide it. Oh, yeah.

Oh, but I didn't hide it. I put it there

so that I could find it. Here it is.

Would you turn on the porch light and

turn off that hall light?close the door

and be sure that it's locked and I'll

start the coffee. I understand.

Oh, Jew, come on in. Barnaby.

What?We're going to a dance.

yes. And we're going to be late if we

don't hurry. Oh, yeah.

Now let's start all over again. You've

got your key. No, it's in that pocket.

That's right. I put it there on purpose.

And you're going to turn the porch light

on and the hall light off,

and then you're going to lock the door.

Right. Now come along, darling.

Barnaby, are you thinking?

Oh, yeah, It's pretty dark in here,

isn't it?Well,

that's better. What are you thinking

about?There's the test we made in the

lab today. They prove that

only 23% of the formula is being

assimilated. Oh, the formula. you know

what that means. That means

that 73% is absolute waste.

73, what happened to the rest of it?No,

not 73, 77. What did I say?77. I

guess that's why it's

having so little effect on those

chimpanzees we're experimenting with.

We've been giving it to them for over 2

months now. He certainly hasn't done what

he should have done.

I thought it was doing rather well. No,

that's the trouble. It isn't doing well

at all. what about that one monkey you

told me about?Oh, you mean Rudolph?Yeah,

well, he's pretty old, isn't he?Well,

Rudolph's about, well, he's about the

equivalent of 84 years old in a human.

Well, didn't the formula cure his

rheumatism?Didn't it make his coat much

glossier?Didn't you say he felt a lot

better?Oh, in a way. Well, then what do

you expect?Well, it isn't what it should

be, Edwina. Well, it must it be before

you're satisfied with it. Well,

theoretically, it should have a much

greater effect. Now, I've just got to

find a way to make it more easily

assemblable. Assimilable.

More easily assimilated. Oh, yeah.

I thought I had a good idea at the front

door just now. I guess I just thought I

had. Anyway, it's gone. Well, they'll

come back to you. I doubt it. They'll

come back to you. Well, that's the

trouble about being a chemist. You know,

you can't actually think. Every now and

then you'll feel compelled to sit and

stare at a sheet of white paper hoping

it'll speak to you, but it never does.

Oh. Is that a new dress?Oh, I

like that. Look at it. I

like the way it sticks out. Oh, is that

you?Well, you ought to know. It isn't

you. ought to be going somewhere in a

dress like that. Yeah.

I'm glad you like it. Holy

smokes. We forgot all about the party.

Why didn't you remind me?We're not going.

Why not?Well. We're not going for a

number of reasons. One,

when I dance with you, I want to dance

with all of you. I don't want your brain

to be somewhere else. I know. You're

not very often the absent-minded

professor, but darling, when you are,

you're a real zombie. Yeah, I admit it.

And I don't want people to see you like

that. Now, go on, sit down and

relax and be brilliant.

Hey.

know you're all right. How do you like

your eggs?How did eggs get into the

conversation?You're hungry, aren't you?

I'll fix you something to eat and call

Hank and tell him we're not coming.

Did you telephone Hank?He wasn't in. I

left a message. Don't

tell me you've solved the formula

already. No. Now, I've had

my mind on other things. Now, tell me,

you've been looking forward to going to

this party for a month, haven't you?Now,

darling, we're not even going to discuss

it. Oh, I know that. I'm just thinking.

It's queer about people.

What about people?Now, through no further

way around, they'll get older. Well, now

that's a profound remark. I do get older.

Something happens to them. Are you

referring to me, Barnaby?No, I was

thinking of the human race as a whole.

Pretty sad group. Did you get me some

soup plates, darling?

if you don't think the human race

undergoes certain morbid changes as it

matures, I ask you to recall the night of

the Everett Winston party. Well, I don't

recall any Everett Winston party. Do you

remember our honeymoon?Of course I do,

darling. It goes over there.

Well, a week after we got back from our

honeymoon, the Everett Winstons invited

us to a party. I'm sorry,

darling, but I don't remember going. We

didn't go. We didn't.

yes. Now I remember. We stayed

home. Just like tonight.

Now, Edwina, that's what I'm talking

about. We stayed home from that party for

an altogether different reason. Tonight

we're staying home for an intellectual

reason. I remember we didn't want to

share each other with anyone. You were so

sweet. Remember how the telephone kept

ringing for hours and hours and hours?

I'll get it.

You see what I mean?Tonight we're

answering calls.

Hi, honey. Hi. Say, what's this message

about not going out tonight?That's right.

Why?Well, sometimes there are things more

important than going to a dance. Oh, the

genius at work again, I'm glad I'm a

lawyer, but not a chemist. Where is he?

He's in the kitchen. I'm fixing dinner.

I've got a few things to say to him.

This has happened just once too often.

Now look here, Double Dome. What's the

idea of doing something tonight you can

do just as well tomorrow?I'll get you a

drink. You'll feel better. Why can't you

be a genius before sundown and a human

being afterward?Because I never know in

advance when I'm going to be a genius.

Here's your drink.

You can't call off a date at the last

minute when your wife's got a new dress

and I've booked a table. It just doesn't

make sense.

No, I don't suppose

it does. What are you doing?Nothing,

dear. I think you'd better sit down. No,

Do as I tell you and you'll see what I

mean.

Cold?I see what you mean. Now neither one

of you are making sense. No. Well, I

think that Mr. Entwistle is disturbed

because he can't take it to the party

tonight and dance all over your feet as

he did the last time. Well, I certainly

didn't reserve a table and order flowers

and everything just to look at your face.

No, I suppose you did. Go on, sit down

and have your soup while Hank drinks his

drinking. Be careful, it's very hot. Is

it all right now?I can only tell you,

Mrs. Fulton, if you'd have been smart

enough to marry me instead of this,

you wouldn't be in a kitchen cooking. No,

where would you be cooking?Oh, on the

beach. Did you burn yourself?I hope he

did. Oh, darling, I told you it was hot.

Don't worry, he has no feelings. Here,

eat some bread quickly. Well, darling,

say something. Heat. Oh, I know, blow on

him. Heat. Just ordinary heat. I never

thought of it. Heat could make the

formula 100% effective. Darling, I think

you solved the problem for me. Do you

really think so?I'm almost sure. Hey, do

you know what just happened?He burned his

mouth. No, silly, he just solved our

whole future. If your whole future

depends on figuring out that a plate of

soup is hot. Hey, now wait a minute, tell

him, darling. I've been promised a pretty

good job if I can make this formula work.

Yeah, no more commercial assignments, no

more working on non-skid girdles or

noiseless popcorn bags. No fooling. Yes,

a roving commission, select my own field

of research, exchange ideas with other

professors all over the world, including

a percentage. Well, that's fine. What

seems to me a celebration is in order. No

reason to stay home from the Yacht Club

party now. No. Except we're going to stay

home from the Everett Winston party. What

are you talking about?Everett Winston

left town three years ago. We're still

staying home from his party. But you

can't stay home from a party if you...

Your phone's ringing. Yes, I know.

Shall I answer it?No, just let it ring.

That's important, isn't it?Oh, it's very

important. You 2 are way beyond me. Now,

please convey our regrets to the Everett

Winstons. And say we're very sorry.

The language is confusing, but the

actions are unmistakable. Good night, you

two.

Just a moment, please. Good morning. Oh,

Doctor Fulton, Mr. Oxley would like to

see you in his office. Thank you.

Good morning, Doctor Fulton. Good

morning. Aren't you here early?

Oh, yes. Mr. Oxley's been complaining

about my punctuation, so I'm careful to

get here before 9.

Mr. Oxley's on the telephone. Won't you

sit down?I'm glad we have a

moment. I have something I want to show

you. For instance,

isn't it wonderful?I beg your

pardon?The new non-replastic stockings

you invented. Oh, the

M41 acetate project. This is an

experimental pair. The first pair out of

the factory. Aren't you proud?Turned out

rather well. I'll say, you can't tear

them or snag them or anything. Oh, I'm

familiar with the product. No matter how

hard you try. You'd be amazed, Doctor.

Oh, no, I wouldn't be amazed. I've done a

lot of experimenting with this kind of

thing. Because I'm through with all of

that now. Oh,

Mr. Oxley, Dr. Coulton's here. Good

morning, sir. Good morning. You can come

in now. Thank you. If you're not too

busy. Well, Miss Laura was just showing

me her acetates. Yes, sir. No

calls, please. Yes, sir.

Barnaby, I want to talk to you. Yes, sir.

You know I'm very much interested in this

new experiment of yours. As a matter of

fact, I'm all steamed up about it. How's

it coming?Well, our problem is to

increase the efficiency of the formula.

Could be quite a thing, you know. Yes, I

stumbled onto something last night that

may be of help. Well, that's good news.

Oh, I wanted you to see this advertising

layout. I want your opinion. We jumped

the gun on it a little, but I thought

we'd better be ready. Well.

why B4?B4, as in before

and after, emphasizes the youth angle.

Get it?What's the vulture

doing?That's a phoenix, a mythical bird

rising out of the ashes of age. Makes the

youth point again. Dignified, yet

forceful. And do you mind a comment, Mr.

Oxley?Not at all. I'd welcome it. I think

it's appalling. From what point of view?

it's lurid and inaccurate. It implies

that we're going to offer the public some

sort of fountain of youth drug. But

wouldn't it make people young?Mr. Oxley,

we're working with a large number of

ingredients, each of which, as we know,

accomplishes certain beneficial results.

Well?it depends upon which combination of

those ingredients we use and the

proportions in which we use them.

Mathematically, we may never find the

right combination or the exact

proportions to produce the effect you're

talking about. It would be a miracle. But

you can do it, my boy. I told

you I didn't want any calls. Mr. Oxley,

Dr. Lenton's on the phone. I told him you

were busy, but he says it's very

important. Who is he?Well, he's Dr. He's

my new assistant. Oh, yes. Oh, just

a moment, Miss Laurel. Find someone to

type this. Oh, Mr. Oxley, can I try

again?No, it's very important. Better

find someone to type it for you. Yes,sir.

Anybody can type.

Who did you say was calling?Dr. Lenton.

Oh, yes. Dr. Lenton.

Yes. I know he's not there.

Dr. Fulton is here with me. Yeah.

What?Really?What

sort of reactions?Why, that's amazing.

We'll be right there. Come along,

Barnaby. You've done better work than you

know. Come along, Miss Laurel.

It's amazing. What's amazing?Dr.

Whatchamacoy says one of your monkeys

broke loose. We've got to hurry. He's

acting very strangely. Obviously a

reaction to your formula. I knew you

could do it, Barnaby. I knew it.

Behave yourself. Behave

yourself. But what is she doing?What

happened, Jerome?I haven't the slightest

idea, Doctor. All I know that he's opened

the door of his cage and has been acting

very strangely. Let go of him, gentlemen.

Let's see him in action. No, tell me what

he's liable to do, sir. Let go of him.

Look at that old chimp, Miss Laura. 84

years old. 14 years older than I am. And

just look at him. I am looking, Mr.

Oxley.

This is incredible.

Now, Rudolph, come down. Now, Rudolph,

you come down. Now,

come on, Rudolph. I don't understand

this. Have you been giving him stimulants?

Only the formula. Only X57, Doctor.

You're a good boy. Now, the test we made

yesterday gave no indication that... Come

on, Rudolph. Now, act your age. What's

the matter with you?Rudolph, come down

here. Don't act like yourself. This isn't

like you. Come on.

Now, come on.

Come on, Rudolph, behave yourself. Come

down. That's better. What you doing there?

That cage contains our new female monkey.

By George, by George. Come here.

Mr. Oxley, haven't you seen enough yet?

Come here.

Something's wrong. Let me see if there's

something I can do with him. Now,

Rudolph, you calm down. Now, come on,

Rudolph. You behave yourself. That's

better. Now, let's be a good boy. Do as I

tell you. Now, come on down for that.

Come on. That's good. Yes. Come along.

Come on. All right.

Now, calm down and sit there and let me

look at you. Yes. Well,

gentlemen, I think we've seen enough. I'd

like to consult with Dr. Fulton alone.

Barnaby, if your formula will have the

same effect in humans, it's the greatest

thing in modern science. Sit down,

Rudolph. We intend to discontinue every

other product in the plant. We'll turn

out before and nothing but before. I'd

like to offer myself as the first human

to try it. Mr. Oxley, that may be

dangerous. I'm perfectly willing to take

that chance.

Oh, but this isn't Rudolph. What?

No, This chimpanzee is only six months

old. Rudolph is a male. This is a

female. Barnaby, are you sure?Reasonably.

She's wearing Rudolph's jacket. But this

is Esther. Here, hold on, Esther, will

you please?Look, I'll prove it to you.

Now, there's Rudolph with Esther's number

on. Well, I suppose the janitor gave them

a bet in Swiss jackets by mistake. Yes,

well, I suppose that's the way it

happened, Miss Oxley. I certainly feel

that down. Well, personally, I'm really,

I'm glad it happened. No, you're

expecting too much from that formula

before Mr. Oxley. Perhaps it's the name

that's confusing you. If you just let me

work in the laboratory for a couple of

hours, I'll be better able to prove what

the formula will do. Well, let me know

when you're ready, and let's have no more

of these false alarms. They'll certainly

take it out of a man. Come along, Miss

Laurel. What A

ridiculous way to start a day. I hope it

doesn't get any worse.

Sodium escalate.

3000 millimen. Okay.

You keep quiet, Esther.

Now, Esther, don't you like the way

I'm doing this?Sodium. Yeah.

Say 4 tents each dose. So 3 dose will be

1200 milligrams everyone. Check.

How far do you want it?2000 milligrams,

the whole 3 doses. Check.

Well, that about does it. Now is your

own. We'll refrigerate these factors and

heat these. These remain as is. We'll use

Dr. Miller's cooler and incubator. So we

label this X57 as usual?No, X58

and not B4. Oh, good morning. Oh, good

morning. Oh, Gus. Yes. Did the monkeys

take a bath this morning?Why, is there

one missing?No, Gus. Yes.

Did you bathe the monkeys this morning?

Oh, yes, of course, sure. Well, then you

mixed up their uniforms. Oh, I did. Oh,

I'm awfully sure. I'll fix them up right

away. No, that's all right. You do it

when you feed them this afternoon.

That'll be soon enough. But don't let it

happen again. Oh, no, sir, I won't.

Oh, quiet down. You've caused me enough

trouble already. Grown-up

men playing with monkeys.

Nice rabbit guinea pigs. Now

monkeys.

What's the matter?Oh, my

bursitis. Well, that's one of the things

I hope the formula will alleviate. Intend

to take it yourself?Certainly I do. Why

don't you try it on Jerome?Oh, I wouldn't

dare try it on Jerome. Do you remember

what happened with the hair restored?Yes,

one of our more successful experiments.

we learned how to remove hair anyway.

Let's talk about something else.

Hey, How did you get out of there?

Listen, Esther or Rudolph, whatever one

you are. Come

on. you get right back in your cave. No,

I'm not going to tell you. are. Come on.

What you do?Get now. Get back in.

How'd you get out anyway?

Gus, I thought you were going to attend

to that later. Oh, I wasn't changing

them, Doctor. Caster got out and not

putting her back in the cage. Oh, I guess

that was my fault. I forgot to close the

lock. Kind of messed your stuff up there.

I'll take care of it, Gus. All right.

Oh, don't bother with anything now,

Jerome. I'm anxious to try this.

Seriously, Doctor, you think you should

take it?Self-experimentation is against

the rules of all good research. Jerome,

the history of discovery is the history

of people who didn't follow rule.

Well, here it goes. To X58

and a better world.

Oh, that's bitter. Get some water.

Oh, that Gus.

it even makes the water taste bitter.

Well, better put these away.

Theoretically, Doctor, what might be the

first reaction?Oh, I haven't the vaguest

idea. What about the length of time?Well,

it depends upon the period of absorption.

It's quite possible

that... Touch of dizziness. And you have

a slight flush. Oh, well, that's probably

due to my natural excitement.

Around 150. Oh, that's odd. There's

nothing in the mixture that could

accelerate the heart. And you feel dizzy,

you said?As a matter of fact, I believe

it's increasing. Well, I'd better record

my reactions.

Pulse 150, is that right?150.

Mounting vertigo.

No nausea. A

sensation not unlike.

A series of small electric

shocks.

Jerome, Jerome, where are you?I'm here.

What is it?I can't see. I'm blind. Please

go on with the notes. No, this is too

serious. I'll get some help. I tell you

there isn't time. I know what I took. If

there's an antidote, we'll have to find

it ourselves. Just take the notes.

It's like a cloud. A very peculiar

feeling. A general milk in this, but no

discomfort. In fact,It's a

sensation of extreme well-being. It's as

if I...

Doctor, what is it?Paralysis?

Can you speak?Try typing one for yes, two

for no. Can you hear me?

Doctor, can you hear me?Perfect there.

Hand me the telephone book, please. Whose

number do you want?Let me have the book.

Inglewood Drop Forge and Tool Company.

1065 West Hauser Avenue, Inglewood

West, 60945. This isn't

possible. It is

possible, Jerome. For the first time in

10 years, I'm able to see without my

glasses. Perfect vision. I can't believe

it. There. Now I'm blind again. Fog, you

see?Now I can see again.

Doctor, X58 seems to be a success. Oh,

indeed it does. I'll try my

bursitis. Oh, I beg your pardon.

Not A twinge. This is amazing.

Doctor Barnaby Fulton?Let me shake hand

with the next Nobel Prize winner.

Delighted! Pardon me, my phone's running

over. Hello?Department of Water and

Power, which one would you care to have

cut off?Hello?Oh,

Barnaby. You sound as if the formula was

a success. Did it go well?Tell me,

anybody giving a party we can stay home

from again tonight?What is it?No one I

know of. Oh, what is it?Well, then pour

yourself into that new dress and we'll go

out and celebrate. All right, I'll be

ready. Oh, don't forget what you have to

do. What I have to do?Well, first, get a

haircut. Haircut, yeah. And get a suit

suit. New suit, yeah. Oh, and darling,

stop by the automobile agency. Mr.

Peabody just called and says he has a

very goodbye. A goodbye, Well, goodbye

to you. what a joke. A

real knee slapper. You do feel all right.

I'll get it. Hello, Griffith Park Zoo,

Snake Department. Hello, What is

this?What's wrong?This is Mr. Oxley. I'll

see if he's here. No, I said this is

Oxley. Who is?I am speaking. Oh, you're

Mr. Speaking. This is Mr. Oxley speaking.

Oxley speaking. Any relation to Oxley?

Barnaby Fulton, is that you?Who's calling?

I am Barnaby. Oh, no, you're not Barnaby.

I'm Barnaby. I don't know who I am. This

is Oxley speaking Barnaby. now that's

ridiculous. You can't be all three. Now

figure out which one you are and then

call me back. And I'm coming right down

there. Coming right down, all three of

him. What will you do?What will you tell

him?I won't be here. Where are you going?

I've got things to do. What?I've got to

get my hair cut and a new suit and a new

car. But Mr. Rosti will be furious. What

shall I tell him?Just tell him the truth.

Tell him you don't know who he is. But,

Doctor, I can see that. Well, I'll just

keep your Bunsen burning. Mr. Active.

Where's Doctor Fulton?Where's Doctor

Fulton?I want to see him. He just left. I

didn't pass him in the hall. He went

through the window. Through the window?

What's this all about?What's happened to

the man?He took some of the formula and

went out of here acting almost as

though... No, exactly as though he were

20 years old. By George, by George. Do

you know where he went?Yes, sir. Hello.

Get me Miss... Hello. Get me Miss Laurel.

Quick. Where'd he go?To buy a new

automobile, sir. What kind of car does he

drive?A Ford. Hello. Miss Laurel. Now

listen carefully. I want you to go to

every Ford agency in town and find

Dr. Fulton. But, Mr. Oxley, which

shall I do first?He'll

be at the agencies. To find him, you'll

have to go there. Oh, I see, Mr. Oxley.

And bring him back here. Yes, sir. Right

away.

Well, Doctor, I cut it the way you wanted

me to. I hope

Mrs. Fulton likes it. She will.

What do you think?It fits rather well.

What are you sure it's what you want, Dr.

Fulton?Well, tell me, do they ever wear

trousers to match?Oh, very seldom.

Usually gray flannels. Oh,

these socks ought to go well with it.

To be honest with you, Dr. Fulton, I

don't think either you or Mrs. Fulton are

going to be happy with this type of car.

It isn't exactly what you had in mind.

Yeah. Well, you're perfectly right. Let's

take off the fenders. No, I'm sorry. We

can't do that, Doctor. It's against the

state law. it's too bad. Well, say, you

don't happen to have a beaver tail

anywhere around, do you?

Hello, Miss Lowell. Oh,

hello, Dr. Fulton. Hi.

Hi. I'm so glad I

found you. No, I found you. Pick a

finger. Dr. Fulton. Oh, you know that

one?Yes. Oh, what a fitting. Mr. Oxley

sent me. He wants to see you right away.

Oh, well, hop in the bus. I'll get you

there in a hurry. Is this your car?Sure.

Gee, it's a honey. Well, it takes one to

know one. Oh, Mr. Peabody, would you get

that suit box out of my own car, please?

Well, all set?Is your water running?Is

yours?Here you are, Doctor. Oh,

thank you, Mr. Peabody. Just mail me the

bill. Certainly. Takes a while to warm

up. Does me too. Well, watch your

head. I'll watch everything else.

Oh, Dr. Fulton, this is fun. What about

Mr. Oxley?The plant's back that way. I

know. We're going to circle the field, so

fasten your safety belt, no smoking.

Doctor. Look and see if the flaps are

down.

Well, Doc, she'll be good as new by 5:00.

Five o'clock?Oh, we can do lots of things

by then. Can't we?Sure, Doc.

Come on. You skate much, Doc?Oh, not

lately. But don't worry, I'll show you

how.

Careful! Oh, I'm all

right. I'll get the hang of it soon. I'm

going to be good. You wait. Oh, my.

Doc, that's awful high. Oh, no, not for

me. Well, everybody look at me.

How about some music?I love it.

But you know how to have a good time.

Yeah. But no, Sonny, I used to think he

didn't like me. Hey there, just a minute.

Do you like me a little?No, just a

minute. Well, say so. I

like you. I do. I'm crazy about you, Doc.

Wait, wait, listen to this. Oh, that's

dull. Let's get it. Don't you dare turn

that off. That's our favorite song. Ours?

Yeah, Edwina's and mine. Edwina?My wife.

Oh. Gentlemen's songsters off on

the spreeI would say it

sounds like a silly song to me. Why must

you say that?In my opinion, it's a silly

song. In my opinion, your opinion, that

it's a silly song is a silly opinion. Oh.

Is it getting dark?No, not particularly.

What's the matter?Might be something

wrong with my eyes. Is there anything I

can do, Doctor?No, I just I can't see

very well. Please don't be angry with me.

Oh, I'm not angry, Because I would...

Why did you yell?Because...

Nothing. Don't be

mad at me, Doctor. Oh, no, mad. Tell me,

there's a plant along here somewhere?Yes.

Would you please tell me where to turn?

Turn right. Now.

Turn, Doctor, turn. Now?Yes, turn!

Doctor. Are you all right, Miss Laura?I

told you to turn. Yes, I know. I'm

terribly sorry. But I'm afraid I can't

see. Would you be good enough to park the

car for me, please?Sure I will. Thank

you. Thank you.

Hello, Mrs. Fulton. Good evening, Joe.

Thanks for calling me. Is the doctor in

his office?Yes, ma'am. When I went to

tell him you were coming, he'd gone to

sleep, so I didn't wake him up. Does

Mr. Oxen know if the doctor's come back?

Yes, ma'am. He said he'd be down. Thank

you, Joe.

Who is it?It's me, darling.

Oh, hello, Edwina. I can't see you. Well,

where are your glasses?How do you think?

Oh, I left them in the lab. Jerome

probably put them someplace. Oh, I'll

find them for you. Yeah. Oh, here they

are.

Oh. Barnaby, you sure you're all right

here?Where?Here they are. Oh, yeah, I'm

just a little fuzzy. What time is it?It's

almost 8:00. Oh, no.

Is that late?I've done it again. We've

been going out for dinner. Well, I've

already had my dinner, but I brought some

for you. You know, Edwina, I'm terribly

sorry. I wouldn't have... I know you

wouldn't have, darling. Where'd you get

the poodle?Poodle?Well, don't tell me I

bought a poodle. The haircut.

Oh, yeah, that, oh, yeah. That's

quite a jacket you bought. Yeah, no,

wait till you see the car I got. No, what

kind?You'll see it soon enough.

Oh, darling, you were a real idiot to try

the formula on yourself. Something could

have happened. Oh, it did. I mean

something serious here. Have some coffee.

Yeah, thank you. Oh, oh, I

strained every muscle in my body. Roller

skating. Good heavens, don't tell me you

went roller skating. Yeah, afraid I did.

And your face is breaking out with red

blotches. Oh, they're not blotches, dear.

That's lipstick. Oh.

Edwina, what I have to tell you is

unbelievable. Yes, it is unbelievable on

roller skates. What balance?Well, I

wasn't on roller skates all afternoon.

Obviously. No, you'd never believe what I

did. I broke records. Oh, you'd have been

amazed. I wish you could have been there.

Well, I wish I had been too. Well, I did

things I never dreamed I'd do. You know,

I tried a swan dive. I missed.

Well, no wonder you're worn out. Andy,

all of this is very confusing. What about

the formula?That's what I was telling

you about. I'll start at the beginning.

At 11.52 this morning, I took a dose of

the formula, and in a few minutes I began

to behave exactly like a college boy with

20-20 vision and no bursitis. And plenty

of lipstick. Well, the formula had

nothing to do with that. I'll get to that

later. Edwina,

we've discovered something that the human

race has been searching for since the

beginning of time. Are you really

serious, Barnaby?It works?Well, it did on

me. Because I can't explain the

reactions. It seems to work on the mind.

Edwina, imagine people never aging. Oh,

it sounds frightening. You mean it really

does that?Well, because I don't

know half of what it'll do. The dose I

took has already worn off on it. Let me

see, that was 8 hours.

Probably the dose was wrong. Now we'll

see. Hey, where you going?I'm going to

try the experiment again, but this time

with a larger dose.

I'll switch on the light, will you

please, dear?

Barnaby.

Must you make another test?Oh, probably

several. I'm glad you're here to see that

nothing goes wrong this time. I want you

to observe and make notes of everything I

do. Knowing me so well, you'll be able to

interpret the exact meaning of my

behavior, Father.

Don't you think you ought to change that

coat and wipe that stuff off your face

before you try it again?Oh, yes, perhaps

you're right. By the way, whose lipstick

is it?Oh, what's her name?You know,

Oxley's secretary. Oh, you mean

that little pinup girl?Very cute.

Sort of, but half infant. Not the

half that's visible. Well, she's not my

type. Barnaby, how

much of this stuff are you going to take?

Well, just what I poured out there. I've

increased the dose. Here, that way I'll

be... Edwina, what are you doing?

What did you do that for?

Because this is the way it should be.

After all, you're the scientist and you

should do the observing. But now don't

argue. Go on and get your notebook. I've

done it. Oh, it tastes awful bit. Get me

some water. Oh, no, really, Edwina, for

heaven's sake. Besides, according to your

story, you weren't exactly 100% scientist

after you took it. Other things became

much more interesting. Perhaps you're

right. Oh,

even the water tastes bitter. It did to

me too.

Barnaby, I'm a little bit frightened. I'm

here, dear. It's kind of silly, isn't it?

I'll take care of you.

I don't feel anything. Is it supposed to

work right away?Just a few moments.

Would you clean off your face?Because if

I get 10 years younger and see that

lipstick, I'm liable to knock somebody's

block off. Oh, yes, dear.

Barnaby, is it true about before?I've

just heard the most fantastic things

about you. Does it work?You'll have a

chance to judge for yourself quite soon,

Mr. Oxley. My wife just took 50 CC's of

the formula. Really?By George, by George!

Dr. Bruner and Miss Laurel are on their

way. Leave word there to come in here

immediately. Well, Mrs. Fulton, it's very

kind of you to lend yourself to this

experiment. Thank you, Miss Doxley.

Well, we have to watch your reactions,

darling. Yes, I

suppose so.

Now I know how a poor little guinea pig

must feel.

May I sit down?Yes, dear. Don't

just stand there. Do something. Yes,

dear.

Pulse around 150. That's the same as mine

was.

There doesn't seem to be any fever.

Outside of being somewhat embarrassed, I

feel exceedingly well. What reaction do

you expect, Barnaby?Well, I don't quite

know. I suppose it depends upon the

individual. With you, it took the form of

thinking as though you were 20. Oh,

that's true. Keep still, Edway now.

Here's a good guy. What was Mrs. Fulton

like at that age?

Edwina was a very serious-minded student.

She majored in economics and took several

summer courses in ichthyology and

cooking. Ichthyology?The study of fish.

Jerome, sir, your first symptoms was your

eyes. Your vision became perfect. Oh,

that's true, Miss Docton, but you can't

count upon that. You see, Edwina's vision

is already perfect. It will probably take

an entirely different form. My dear, do

you feel anything strange?Not a

thing. How about you, Mr. Oxley?Oh, but I

haven't taken anything. Oh, yes, you

have, Mr. Oxley. You hear that, Barnaby?A

rather odd reaction. Undoubtedly, we can

expect something soon. We certainly can.

She's sitting very still. Is it possible

there's not enough movement?Well, look,

there isn't. There soon will be. I can

hardly wait for the results. This is

quite a moment.

That's it, Oxley. Watch him, Barnaby.

Watch him. It's working. It's working.

It's working. You hear what she said,

Barnaby?It's taking effect. Something

wrong, Barnaby. What's the matter, sir?I

don't know. Oh, well, perhaps the

excitement's been too much for you.

Perhaps you ought to sit down, Mr. Oxley.

No, Now calm yourself, Mr. Oxley.

Now take your time, Mr. Oxley. That's

better. Take your time and sit down.

Oh, my. Oh, my. Give me a piece of pie.

Give me a piece of pie. I think we ought

to go now. Give me a piece of pie. No, I

think we ought to go, yes. Give me a

piece of pie. Oh, I'll be right back, Mr.

Oxley.

Hi, Dr. Fulton. Hi. What did you say

to her?Mrs. Fulton, he said

hi. I heard what he said, you peroxide

kissing bug. Edwina, she hasn't. Have you

done anything?I'll pull that blonde hair

out by its black roots. Edwina, now come

along. Miss Laurie, you keep out of the

way. Edwina, Edwina, now stop. Put him

up. Mr. Oxley, I'll be right back. Put

him up. Put him up. Wasn't that fun?Did

you see him jump and put a fish in his

trousers?No, I don't think you're better,

Edwina. Why not?Where are we going?Well,

anywhere. Let's go dancing. Well, Edwina.

All right, go dancing. Anything you say.

Oh, is this our new car?I'm afraid it is.

Hey, that's super duper. Oh, you like it?

Oh, boy, yes. Hey, why don't you let me

drive?You go and get over there. I know.

We'll go dancing at the Pickwick Arms.

Pickwick Arms?Yeah, that's in La Jolla,

don't you remember?Of course I remember.

Room 304 where we spent our honeymoon.

All that way. Yeah, we'll stop by the

house and get some things. What are we

fun?Just to go dancing.

Edwina, I'll put the bags in the car and

we can keep your coat on the...

Barnaby. Do you think this is too

conservative?What do you think?Well,

say something. I'm going to do like it.

I'm going to drive. You're too slow. How

do you work this?Oh, yes, something like

that.

Oh, Barney, it's going to be our

honeymoon night all over again.

With no hands. Yeah, honeymoon with

no hands. Yeah, sure. Aren't you excited?

Well, yes, of course, dear, but there's

no hurry about it. Wouldn't you like to

slow down so that we can talk?Who wants

to talk?Well, Edwina, I have to

test your reactions. Oh, Bernie.

Oh, it's wonderful to have the wind in

your hair and watch the moon and the

stars. And the road. Oh, the road. Good

evening, Mr. Oh, good evening. Would you

like to register?Yes, please.

Do you have a small suite

overlooking the ocean, please?Yes, sir.

Thank you. I beg your

pardon.

Is room 304 vacant?Yes.

That's the bridal suite, you know. Yes, I

know.

Could you please leave word that we're

not to be disturbed?Yes, sir.

304. Come on, dear.

Thank you very much. Yes, indeed.

Edwina. Edwina, dear. Barney, listen to

that. Let's not waste time. Let him take

the bags on up to the room. Darling, it's

11 o'clock. I've had a very rough day.

Oh, Barney, you promise. Oh, oh, oh.

Just put the keys in the room, bring me

the bags, and I'll...

Barney,

Barney, don't go to sleep. This is our

song. Oh, yes, dear.

Barney, every time I hear it, it makes me

feel dying. I could never be mad or

unhappy when I hear it. I just want to be

near you. Yes, dear.

Barney, waltz, waltz, waltz. Yes, dear.

Oh, come on, Edwina.

Get up, Edwina.

Get up, get up. Help

me up. That was

fun, Barney. Try it. I wouldn't think of

it. Come on,

try it. Here we are. Please, dear. Oh, I

know where the key is. It's here. You

usually keep it here. Right there. See?

Okay, here we go. Really. Open the door.

All right.

Edwina, aren't you beginning to feel

tired at all?Not a bit. Why?Do you want

to go someplace?Oh, no, I was

thinking, you know, I should make a few

tests. Check your blood pressure and

heart. Oh, Barnaby.

Not tonight. Edwina,

in making such an experiment, it's always

good to make as few... Barney. What?Are

you sure you really love me?Of course

I do, dear. Whatever made you ask such a

question?Well, it just occurred to me.

Now, does that answer your question?

You know, I love you so much it makes me

dizzy. Really?When did that

start?First time I ever met you.

No, I mean the dizziness. I

don't know. This is our honeymoon night

and that's all I care to think about.

Here, Tim.

Barney. Barney, what are you going to

do?I was just going to put on my pajamas.

Well, don't you think you'd

better change in there?

What for?Well, that's all

right. I'll take my things in the

bathroom.

For a few minutes?I'll only be a few

minutes.

Became suddenly shy, then put it down.

Fifteen minutes to change.

Complete reversal of usual behaviour

pattern.

Edwina. Edwina, are you all right?Yes,

darling. I'll be out in a second.

Bonnie, I'm so happy.

Well, what's the matter, darling?Why are

you crying?I can't help

it. Well, is it because of something I

said or did?No. What is it

then?I was

just thinking. What about?

Mother.

Oh, Mother. Now I understand.

No, you don't. Well, what is it

then?I can't help but thinking how

she must be feeling tonight.

She never liked you. I must say she

doesn't try very hard either. I do

everything I can to please her. How can

you be so insensitive?She had

such wonderful dreams for me and my

future. Well, she can still have them,

can't she?No, she can't. She can't.

Now, Edwina, we drove all the way down

here to enjoy ourselves and to pursue an

important scientific experiment at the

same time. Now, let's not spoil it all by

having a silly quarrel about nothing.

Don't you call my mother nothing. I

didn't call your mother nothing. Don't

you raise your voice to me. I'm not

raising my voice. Hank Entwistle wouldn't

fly into a rage just because the girl

happened to mention her mother. Oh, for

heavens. What's Hank Entwistle got to do

with anything?I only mention Hank

Entwistle because my mother was always

very fond of him. He knew how to please

her. You know, there's something clinical

about the way you bring up the name of

Hank Entwistle every time you get annoyed

with me. Do you regret not having married

him?Look who's talking. What

about Elvira Bliss?Oh, for heaven's

sakes, Elvira Bliss, that was in grammar

school. I know. She was the teacher.

And I suppose that Myra McKillop was in

grammar school too, and Miriam Ingalls,

whom you tried to teach to play golf for

three years. Oh, yeah, that reminds me.

She's still got my putter. And you dare

speak of Hank and Twistle, who only

kissed me once. He

kissed you?Well, that's something you

never saw fit to tell me before. You

kissed Hank Entwistle?I never said

that. I said he kissed me. I never kissed

him. Something you didn't say exactly

that. I said nothing. My

glasses. You struck me. You struck me.

Oh, no. You're horrible, Hank. You're

rude. You got to cut it out.

no, Edwina, no, stop it. Not really. Oh,

Edwina, now this is ridiculous. You know

I can't see. Edwina, please, let me in.

Do you realize that I'm out here in the

hall in the... Oh,

no. Oh, no.

Edwina, something's caught in the door.

Please, let me in. Well,

it's your own fault. Please, let me

in. No. Oh, but

there's only some way I can make her

understand. I know.

Edwina, Edwina, dear, listen to me.

We're poor little lambs who have

lost our way. Ba

ba ba.

Can you hear that?Can you hear that?

Edwina, Edwina, please.

Operator. No, Edwina,

I can't stay out here any longer.

Oh, well.

Oh. Oh, you

unlocked the door. Well, it's about time.

Now, dear, if you'd just cooperate, we're

getting...

Oh, dear. I wish I knew where there was a

telephone. Oh, perhaps there's one in

here. You'd

think there'd be a telephone somewhere.

Oh.

Oh, let me in, Edwina. Let me in.

Keys in the car, ma'am. All right, thank

you very much. Thank you. How's

that, Mr. All right?Oh, yes, thank you.

Now, if you just... Barnaby. Oh, my poor

darling. Oh, Edwina, is that you?

Darling, I've looked everywhere for you.

What are you doing here?I'm getting out

of the laundry. The laundry. These 2

ladies were kind enough to help me. Thank

you both very much. I'll be all right

now. Yes, thank you. We're glad to help.

Any time at all, Mister. Oh, I hope I

don't do it again. Barnaby, do you want

to go into the hotel and change?Oh, no,

Please, just take me away from here. Take

me home. Oh, the car's right over here.

How did you get in the laundry?I don't

know. I think I flew in. Cut my step. But

I didn't have my glasses. Yes, I know. I

stepped on them. Here, you better put

this on. What for?Because you might get

cold. That's it. Here now,

get in. Are

you all right?Yes, thank you, dear. Are

you?Yes, the effects of the formula have

worn off. Now don't talk, just relax

and try to get some sleep on the way

home. Yes, dear.

Darling, we're home. Wake up.

Oh, good, I'll

help you. know what?I just had such a

peculiar dream about Hank. Was that true

about you kissing him?Not that it

matters, of course. Darling, that's so

simple. Oh, I just remembered. I

did something terrible and I forgot to

tell you. Hey, who's that?

Hold it. You get it?Yep. Doctor Fulton?

Yes. We're from the news, Doctor. We'd

like a statement. What about?We had a

call from your lawyer, Mr. Entwistle. Oh,

my. I do wish Hank wouldn't give out

statements to the press about my work.

Come, give us a whole story, Doc. Well,

darling, I can't be impolite to the

gentleman. Well, I have nothing to say

until I've finished all of my experiment.

Is there another woman, Doc?Oh, no,

there's no other woman. My wife has been

my only victim so far. I'll have a much

better story for you when I've

experimented with 10 or 20 others. I'm

not going to try it again with human

beings for a while. I'll stick to

chimpanzees. Is that right?Wait a minute,

Barney. You're talking about two

different things. Well, what happened,

Doctor?Your wife raised your love and

asked... Don't answer that, Barney. You

don't know what he means. Don't try to

protect him, Edwina. This is good for our

side. What are you doing here, Hank?I'm

here because I... Now, look, don't do

that, Mrs. Fulton. This is all the story

I've got. Well, that's all the story

you're going to get to. What is the idea

of making statements to the press?Don't

try to pretend you don't know the reason.

I tried to tell you out on the porch. You

know the reason very well and don't pret

that you don't. What happened at the

hotel last night?Keep your distance. If

you lay a hand on her, you'll answer.

Please shut up and go home. Barnaby, I've

tried. Mother. Well.

Oh, no. Edwina, Hank told me. I

expected you'd be bruised and disfigured.

Edwina, what is everyone talking about?

You stay away from her, you wife. Mother,

it isn't what you think. Now, it's all my

fault. No, Edwina, I won't let you

forgive him. You'll just do it again.

Edwina, you too, Mother. But as your

lawyer and your friend, I must advise

you. But I tried to read, but you

told me that you want me to

do if you don't want. Now listen

here, you two. No, you listen to me. I'm

not going to let you throw away the rest

of your life. Edwina, will you please

tell me what's been going on?Barnaby, if

you'll only get... I just knew something

like this would happen. Edwina, will you

please tell me what... Mother, I've

been playing guinea pig for Barnaby,

trying a new formula. And under its

influence, I caused all his mess. Oh,

oh, you mean you telephoned Hank?Yes,

darling, I did that last night after you

left. I'm terribly sorry, but I couldn't

help her. Oh, well, I don't suppose it

was your fault, actually. Oh, don't let

him dominate you again. Do something, do

anything, but just let me breathe. My

dear mother-in-law. Yes. Now, I have not

lost my temper with you for seven years.

Do not trifle with your luck. Well, let's

be civilized about this. That's better

now. Just mind your business and shut up.

Now, would you drive me to the plant,

please, Edwina?Right away?Yeah. As soon

as I can put on some clothes, I'll try to

salvage some of the wreckage I seem to

have made of our lives. Well, I...

Mother, I think you'd better be quiet.

Hello, Jerome. Oh, good morning, Mrs.

Fulton. Doctor, I looked everywhere for

you last night. Later, please, Jerome.

Right now I'd like to have a laboratory

to myself for a while. Oh, yes. Very

well, Doctor. Oh, Edwina, my spare

glasses are in the top door of the desk.

Would you get them, please?Certainly,

dear. Yes, here they are.

Darling, you're acting rather stern. Are

you angry at me because of what I did

last night?Edwina, I thought this over

very carefully and I've almost come to a

conclusion. I was thinking of destroying

the formula. Destroying it?Well, then you

are angry. Oh, I've been in better moods.

Do you think you'd feel any better if I

fixed you some toast and coffee?You

haven't had any breakfast yet, remember?

Yeah, thank you. I'm starved. All the

coffee and coffee powder in there. You

can use this plug as Jerome uses. All

right. You know, I've decided that the

formula is the most dubious discovery

since itching powder, and just about as

useful. Oh, I wouldn't say that. It cured

you bursitis and improved your vision. I

must say it made you feel young.

I'm beginning to wonder if being young is

all it's cracked up to be. dream of

youth. We remember it as a time of

nightingales and valentines. What are the

facts?Maladjustment, near idiocy,

and a series of low comedy disasters.

That's what youth is. I don't see how

anyone survives it.

Edwina, tell me something, because it's

been bothering me. Yes, dear. Why did you

want a divorce?Oh, Barnaby,

it wasn't me. It was the formula. You

ought to understand that. Oh, I

understand it was the formula that

brought it out.

Brought what out?Some

subconscious aversion to me.

Aversion to you?Well, I love

you, potato head.

Well, I know there isn't some buried

resentment that you don't consciously

realize. Well, I certainly don't

consciously realize it. I think that's

pretty rotten of you to say that. Wait a

minute. What about the way you kept

bringing up Hank Entwist?That's more

than... Do you love him?

Now, that is ridiculous. I don't know.

You kissed him, didn't you?can't seem to

get that out of your mind, can you?No, I

can't. Well, all right. Are you in love

with this, who's it?Of course

not. Well, you went smooching with her,

on roller skates. And may I ask, what was

your hidden aversion or subconscious

discontent or whatever it is you want to

call it, that made you go playing patty

cake with her all over town?Doing a swan

dive, acting like a...

Well, go on.

Barnaby, don't say anything, darling,

and I won't either.

We should be fighting.

Having doubts about our marriage, that

isn't right. Well, that's just my point.

That's why I'm going to destroy the

formula.

Oh, now really, are you crying?

Are you sure you want to throw away two

years of hard work?Yes, I am. But it's

still in my head, unfortunately. I'm

going to forget it. It's too dangerous.

It's utterly unpredictable.

Now, please, don't use this water. Can't

you see the sign?Just use the bottled

water out of the cooler.

And make plenty of coffee. I need a lot

this morning. That's

that.

Hello, this is Mr. Huxley. Oh, Mr.

Huxley, Dr. Fulton's here in the plant.

He just came in with Mrs. Fulton. Are you

sure?Yes, sir. Well, how is Mrs. Fulton?

Is she behaving normally?Well, she didn't

try to hit me, but she wasn't very

polite. Never mind. Now listen

carefully, Miss Laurel. I don't want them

to leave. Have the guards hold them if

they try to go. You understand?Yes, sir.

And notify the entire board of directors

that I want to see them in the conference

room immediately. I'll be right down.

My, this is funny tasting coffee. It's

bitter. Yeah, I know. I noticed it. It's

not the coffee. It's the after effects of

the formula. Formula. What a

fool I was to let you take that stuff

last night. Well, you couldn't help

it. Hey, that's your third cup. I know

it. It's your second cup, isn't it?Yes.

Good. Supposing you've taken an

overdose. Perhaps I

did. No, I mean a serious overdose.

it's perfectly logical to assume that

you'd have behaved even younger.

Remember Mr. Oxley jumping around?Yeah.

My, I'm going to be embarrassed when I

see him again.

How young do you think it could really

make you if you drank a whole glass full?

Oh, I don't know. 12,

10, 5, might even turn you

into an infant.

I'm just imagining you not being able to

talk or feed yourself or even. It

could be very embarrassing. Yeah, it

couldn't be. Well, you know, it's

just about what could happen.

I get it. Hello. Hi. Hey,

did you ever find the fish?What'd you do

with him?Yeah, I'm keen. Are you serious

a minute?It's old Oxley. What's

on your mind?Why

don't we?Did you and your wife meet me

right away?We're just here drinking

coffee. I'll be in the conference room.

You'll be right there. Put that back to

me. Put that back, please.

Any other orders, sir?Going up.

Good morning, gentlemen. Good morning,

sir. Doctor Fulton will be here shortly,

so please be seated. We must act quickly.

You all know why you're here. To

negotiate with Dr. Fulton for his

formula. As far as money goes, I say all

out and hang the expense. Yes, but as

chairman of your board of directors, I

want to point out that Fulton made his

discovery on our time. I've got bad news

for you, GJ. We do not have the formula.

What?Last night, Dr. Lenton. Dr.

Lenton, sir. Dr. Lenton, Dr. Fulton's

assistant, brought me a dose of the

formula and I took it. I can't tell you

with what eagerness I weighted the

results, but there were none. No

reactions at all. The formula that Doctor

Thingamabob brought me is incomplete.

Now, there must be another ingredient

that he knows nothing about. Doctor

Fulton has made no record of it, and

there's nothing in his notes to tell us

what it is. And without that ingredient,

we are helpless. Failure to keep complete

records is against every rule of this

organization. Fulton knows that. He's

been an employee for over 10 years.

Failure may not have been intentional.

Fulton was not himself yesterday morning.

No, definitely not. Well, let's hope he's

himself now. There's no doubt about it.

We are now dealing with a sane and adult

scientist, and I anticipate no

difficulties. Well?

All right, Oliver, go ahead if you want

them. It's up to you. I wonder what's

keeping them. Doctor, would you mind

taking a look?Yes, sir.

Oh, Barnaby, Mrs. Fulton, come on in.

What's the matter?Now. Come

on in, Mrs. Fulton. Forget all about last

night. I assure you I have. Come in. Yes,

yes. You fellas are always experimenting,

aren't you?I believe you know everybody

here. Yes.

Come on. Take a seat. Make

yourself comfortable. Oh, Mrs. Fulton,

won't you sit over here?Do I have to?

No. I want to sit here.

All right. Monaby?I think

I speak for everyone here when I say that

I consider you one of the great men of

modern science. Now, I asked you to come

here today to discuss the sale of your

formula. Our organization...

Our organization is ready to offer you a

block of stock, the income from which is

sufficient to keep you and Mrs. Fulton...

To

keep you and Mrs. Fulton in comfort for

the rest of your lives. Now, the question

is, how much cash do you want?

Barnaby, I said, how much cash do you

want?

Oh. Name any amount. A zillion dollars.

What?How much did he say?A zillion

dollars. That's a million trillion. Why,

George, he's taking it again. Out of your

stage. Look here, Burton. Your discovery

was our property in the 1st place. Now,

take it easy. We don't have to give you a

cent. Oh, I wish I had a nickel. I'll

blackball you out of the chemical

industry. Oh, you're talking to a child,

G.J. Don't be ridiculous. He's no child.

Oh, what you said, put him up there.

Here, give me something. No, Knock that

off my shoulder. Go ahead. When we get

mad, we don't fight, do we?Yes, we do.

No, they didn't teach you that in school.

Hi. Hello,

Doctor Fulton. Did you come to play with

me?No. I came to tell Mr.

Arthur. I think you'd better go. No, I

wanted to stay and play with me. Well, if

I let her stay, will you tell me the

missing ingredient in your formula?Yes,

All right, go ahead. Well, all right, now

say terrify. Terrify. Now say tissue.

Tissue. Now say them both fast together.

Terrify tissue. No.

How dare you?Oh, goody, goody. Why, Miss

Laura... Really?Mr. Oxford... Don't you

do that. Oh, you do.

I did it. I fixed her. I shot her.

Now, you spoiled everything. Did you see

her rising?You scared me. Now that's

good. You stop it. You hear me?Stop it.

Now you come over here. You sit in that

chair and behave yourself. You understand?

Behave yourself. Yes, sir. Now,

Barnaby. Barnaby, Barnaby,

where are you?He's under the table.

Barnaby, what are you doing under there?

To kill a yes there. Well, come on out. I

want to talk to you. I don't think we

want to talk anymore. GJ, we're

dealing with a 10-year-old. We've got to

humor him. There's no other way. If you

say so, Oliver. Well, come on down here

and help me. Don't just stand there.

Barnaby?Barnaby, I want to talk to you.

want to tickle Esther?She likes it?No,

How would you like to have a nice gold

watch and chain on your own?Wouldn't you

like that, Barnaby?I've got one. No, but

not like this one. No, I don't want it.

Well, would you like a new bicycle or a

pony?Yes, how would you like that?Oh,

what do I have to do for it?Well, all you

have to do is to tell us what was the

ingredient that you put in the formula.

Oh. you promise me a zillion dollars and

a nickel. We'll give you a zillion

dollars. And a nickel. And a motorboat

and a new pony. Yes, how would you like

that?When?Just as soon as you tell us

what the ingredient was you added to the

formula. All that simple. I just add...

Barnaby, Barnaby, aren't you going to

tell us Barnaby?What do you want to write

that for?Because it's true. It didn't, it

didn't. You're going to erase it.

Barnaby, Barnaby, you're on us together.

You got me, Barnaby. Barnaby. Barnaby.

I'll stop her somewhere. Barnaby.

Barnaby can't catch me. Why don't you

help me catch her?If we catch her, will

you tell us?Sure. Somebody stop her

there. Catch her. Good! What was

it?Heat?Heat?Yeah, I heated the mixture

to 150 degrees Fahrenheit. By charge,

we've got it. No pain, no pain, no pain.

I got it. Go on, you were racist. No, I

was. Yes, you were racist. You hurt me.

Big eye, baby. You're a racing turtle.

Estra. Estra, what are you doing up there?

Come down here to this thing. Mr. Oxley.

Mr. Oxley, they're getting away. Let him

go, Doctor. You heard what he said. We've

got what we wanted. That's all that

matters. You've got to be sure. Don't

part of me now. I'm busy. DJ, we're

standing on the brink of a new world. And

the new, what is it you want?Mister

Oxley, I heated the formula I gave to you

last night. Get that monkey out from

there. What'd you say?I said I heated the

formula I gave to you last night. It

didn't do any good. He's fooled us again.

Well, don't stand there. Go and catch

him. Right after him. Go on, get a

policeman.

When are you going to stop tagging after

me?When I want to. Why don't you

go play with girls?Why can't I tag with

you?I don't want you to. That's where

I... Why are you be fooling?I don't like

you. Then go away. I will not. So

there.

Now don't go away.

I'll tell my mother.

Here's one for your mother.

I'll tell Hank Entwistle.

Here's 2 for Hank Entwistle.

now, look what you've done! I'm going to

kill him! Hey! I'm going to kill him!

Leave that tankwash here.

Hi, baby. He's

going to be sorry for what he did. Very,

very sorry. I'm going to call Hank

Entwistle. That's what I'll do.

I'll call Hank.

Hello?I want to speak to

Hank Entwistle, please.

That's what I said. I'll

show him. I'll...

Hello, Hank?This is Edwina.

Oh, hello, Edwina. Would you come over to

my house right away?What's the matter?

It's Barnaby. He threw a whole

bucket of paint all over me. See?What did

you do?Well, I

didn't do a thing. Hey.

I don't ever want to see him again. Now

listen, Edwina, are you going to go

through with it this time and really

leave him?Yes, I'm going to go away

far, far away. Hey.

I'm going to go away and...

Hello, Edwina. Edwina, what's

the matter?Oh, I don't know. I just

suddenly felt very sleepy.

That's shock, Edwina. I saw a lot of it

in the army. Now just lie down and keep

warm, and it'll go away in a few minutes,

and I'll be right over. Goodbye. Oh, he's

coming over here. What'll I

do, Dwina?That's what I

do. I'll get my gang. I'll scalp him.

Scalp him. Man can't

whistle. You wait, you can see what I do

to him. I'll scalp him. That's what I'm

going to do. Scalp him.

Big cheek. Big cheek. I'll fix him. I'll

show him. I'll show

him. I'm

just getting this to scalp a man.

The thing some people think of.

Good morning, Mrs. Branigan. Morning.

You're going to be here for a while.

Yeah, it should be another hour or so.

Would you mind watching Johnny for me?I

have to go to market and it's too much

trouble to drag him along. Sure, I'll

watch him for you. I won't be long. All

right.

Come on, Johnny. Here we go.

Here. Now, there's a nice big yard for

you to play in. You all right?

OK.

What do you want us to do with a bad man,

Red Eagle?Yeah, Red Eagle, tell us. Well,

first we stop his car and then capture

him. Then what do we do with him?That's

time to escape. And then burn him. Yeah.

and burn him good. That won't work.

Who said that?I did.

you. Why won't it work?Somebody will

stop us the minute we light a fire. They

always do. Yeah, that's right. What do

you say, Red Eagle?Well, that's time to a

stake and scalp him. That's it. You mean

for real?Sure. Can't scallop anybody

unless you do a war dance first. Oh,

well, just a minute. I'll... Now,

remember that. You 2 Braves... Can't

scallop anybody unless you do a war dance

first. He's right, Red Eagle. We can

scalp him, can't we?You have to do a war

dance first. Do you know a war dance, Red

Eagle?sure.

That's no good. You got to sing when you

do it. Oh, you got to sing.

All right, we'll sing. Oh, you with the

drum. Give me a beat now. Give me a beat.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You

sing. Me want a wampum.

Me want a wampum. You sing too. Me, you

go up. Me want a wampum.

Me want a wampum. Ugga, ugga, gloop,

gloop. Ugga, ugga, gloop, gloop. Ugga,

ugga, gloop. You go. Ho,

ho, ho.

Barnaby. Darling, speak to

me. Say something. Oh, my

darling.

Operator. Operator, get a taxi, will you?

This is 1605 Gilprest, end of taxi right

away, emergency. Thank you. Darling. Oh,

darling. Barnaby.

Are you trying to say something?Well,

speak to me.

Barnaby, I'm your wife. Say

something. Oh, my

poor husband, what have you done to

yourself?Driver, hurry, please

hurry. Yes, ma'am.

Right this way, Mr.

Hello, kids. Hi.

Why did Mrs. Fulton say to meet her here?

She didn't say. Was Mr. Fulton there?

I mean at the house. He could have been.

Oh, that's the reason. I see it now.

Mister, will you play with us?We need a

nice tall man to play maypole. Well, I'm

sorry, but I haven't time now. Don't you

like children?Of course I like

children. Why are you mean to them then?

I'm not mean to them. Don't you want to

make us happy?Of course I do. Then play

maypole. All right, I'll play maypole,

will you?If you'll go tell Mrs. Fulton

I'm here. OK. You're very. very nice to

play maypole with us. Now you step right

back here against this tree and hold this

up real high. All right. That's fine.

Come on.

I thought you were going to tell Mrs.

Fulton. Can't I watch for a minute?No,

you promised you'd do it if I play

maypole. What was it I promised to tell

her?You tell her that I'm here. Now

why don't you... Hey, wait a minute.

You're getting this too tight. I can't

move. Where

do

you go?

Oh, Mrs. Bolton, I haven't been sorry,

but I don't have time. Yes, I want to see

him too. Miss Lowell.

Oh, for goodness sake. Miss

Oxley. Miss Oxley. Miss Oxley. You've got

to do something about Barnaby and you've

got to do it right away. Now there,

little girl. Now don't get excited. Would

you like some lemonade or a piece of

candy?Oh, stop it, Mr. Oxley. Stop it.

The formula's worn off. I'm not a little

girl any longer. It's Barnaby I'm talking

about. Well, what is he up to now?Well,

you've got to save him. You've got to

bring him back. I'm trying to bring him

back. I've got everyone, including half

the police force, trying to find him. Do

you know where he is?He's right here.

He's right here in my arm. Now, Mrs.

Fulton, don't cry. Remember, you were the

wife of a great scientist. Oh, poor

Barnaby. He was so brilliant. Now look at

him. It's a pretty baby. Is it yours?Of

course he is. I didn't know you had a

child. Mr. Oxley, this is

Barnaby. What?That's what I've been

trying to tell you. This is my husband.

You mean the formula's gone too far and

this is the result?Yes. I can't believe

it. Well, it's true, and you've got to do

something about it. By George, by George.

Oxley speaking. Yes, Oliver.

Prepare yourself for a shock, GJ. Dr.

Fulton's formula has backfired and turned

him into a baby. A complete idiot,

No, not an idiot, a baby. An infant 2

feet tall. Don't talk rubbish, Oliver.

I'm not talking rubbish. I can see, can't

I?wonder. Well, we've got to find an

antidote, and we can't do that until we

know what was in the formula. Well, just

get the truth out of Fulton any way you

can. Well, come on in here and help me.

All right, now we've got to find us. Mr.

Oxley, he's trying to say something.

What are you trying to say, darling?Well,

go ahead, tell me. Please try.

Let me talk to him. Barnaby, I'm going

to speak to you very slowly so as not to

confuse you. But we're going to do

everything we can to help you. But you've

got to help too. You understand?

Barnaby, please listen. Try hard. This

might help. Listen.

He remembers. He wouldn't take it

before. And now he will.

Barnaby, we can't find the antidote

until we know the real formula. Well,

don't frighten him. I didn't say anything

to frighten him. He's being evasive

again. Barnaby, you lied to us about

the missing ingredient. Now, what is it?

What?Oh, Miss

Doxley. He can't talk. Well, what are we

going to do?We can't wait until he grows

up. I'll be dead. Yes, and when

he's 20, think how old I'll be.

Oliver, is that the brat you were talking

about?Yes, GJ, this is Dr. Fulton. Don't

you call my husband names. Madam, what

are you trying to put over on the Oxley

Chemical Works?Stop talking like a fool.

I came here for help and you all are

responsible. Jerome, you were my

husband's colleague. Can't you find an

antidote?I warned him. I warned him. It

proves there are no boundaries to

science. You're all talking nonsense.

That's no more Barnaby Fulton than I am.

I ought to know my own husband. Yes. now

look what you've done. You've made him

cry. That's all right, darling. Don't

cry. He's probably tired and sleepy. Yes.

Sleepy?Well, that would be a sign that

the formula's wearing off. That's the way

it worked with me. You mean sleep might

bring him back to normalcy?It did before.

Oh, bosh. Mrs. Fulton, where are you

taking him?To his laboratory so that he

can take a nap on his couch where he'll

feel at home.

Hey,

look. Miss

Darksley, this is all I. This is all I

could find. Give it to Mrs. Fulton. Mrs.

Fulton, please, too. Yes, thank you.

Yes, thank you. Miss

Laurel, keep your hands off of him,

please. He's defenseless. I

can't have you touch him. He's got to get

some sleep. Yes, ma'am.

He doesn't seem sleepy now. Rax, we

should take a blood chemistry. Please.

Will you please be quiet and give him a

chance?Yesterday, when he took the

formula, he had to sleep before he became

normal again. And he's got to sleep, Mr.

Oxley. Sometimes I try counting sheep.

Well, I hardly think he.

I know what might do it.

Now, listen, Barnaby. We're

poor little lambs who have

lost our way. Baa

baa baa. Silly song.

We're little black sheep who

have gone astray.

Baa baa baa.

By the judge, this waiting certainly

takes it out of a man. I need

something. Haven't got a drink around

you, have you, Doctor?But Mr. Oxley, I

don't drink. I didn't ask you that. I

asked you if you had anything to drink

around you. Well, for medicinal

purposes... No excuses, just get it. Good

idea. I'll get some glasses. Get some

water. Yes, I'd like a little water with

mine. Will you have a drink, Mrs. Fulton?

No, thank you. Drink comes in pretty

handy sometime. You bet. Why, GJ?Please.

Thanks. Well, here's how. Here we go.

It's kind of bitter, doesn't it?Yeah,

that's right. Get rid of that before

anyone else drinks it. Yes, I'll give you

a hand. There's no excuse for having

water like that around here. Doctor, see

that pool is cleaned out before it's used

again. Yes, Mr. Ox.

Who are you?I don't care who you are.

Just move over. There's a good thing. Oh,

I'm so sleepy.

What?No, please, no familiarity. Just go

to sleep.

Barnaby darling. Oh,

Edwina. I thought I'd lost you.

And now there are two of you. What do you

mean there are two of me?I can't see. My

glasses, you know. Oh, your glasses?Well,

wait a minute. Here they are, dear.

Oh, darling, are you all right?Yes, thank

you. I'm all right. Here. Who is this?

I don't know. I thought it was you. What

do you mean you thought it was me?I don't

understand. Well, don't you remember?I

carried you in here when you were a baby.

Oh, that's impossible. Well, don't you

remember anything?Well, sure, the last

thing I.... I was scalping Hank

Entwistle. Oh, far out.

What's that?I don't know. Hey, you better

take this. Yes. Yeah. Come

on, you're in work. You know,

we ought to find out who that is. Yes,

indeed. We're not.

Doctor Fulton, I'm so glad.

What's going on?They've taken it. was in

the water. What do you mean?The monkey

mixed it. I'll get

you. I'll drown you. Hey, well, Peter,

look, I'm going to make a monkey out of

Rodol. I'll get you back. I'm going

to drown you down. You're

fair using hot water. Hey,

Murphy. Hi, old boy. I knew you'd pull

out of it. Here's a contract for you.

Signed, sealed, and delivered. You're a

genius, old boy. Hey, I'm

going to get these. I got a fire

hose there. What's the idea?

Come on in and throw the party. Come on

in. There he is. There's the

man who did it to me.

Barnaby, can you hear me?Yes, dear.

I've been thinking. I'm just beginning

to. I was wondering if I had

my choice of... Living these last three

days over again. What I'd say.

Oh, let's hear it. That interests me.

Well, we've got a new contract. We've had

a lot of excitement. Now we're going out

on the town tonight just for two of us.

That's funny. I can't hear you. Oh, I

didn't say anything anyway. I was just

thinking. I was thinking about you.

Care to elaborate on that?About your not

being disappointed when you found out

that it was Esther who'd invented the

formula. Your suspenders would look

better up. Imagine the secret of youth

locked up in the head of a monkey. You

think you'll ever find out how to make it?

Oh, I don't know. They got Esther working

awfully hard. Darling, why weren't you

disappointed?

Well, I've got a new formula. Now,

Barnaby, if you start that all over

again, say help me out. Oh, I like that

dress. Yes. Will you do?

All right, what's the new formula?

Well, it doesn't come in packages or

bottles. You're old only when

you forget you're young. Want to say some

more?It's a word you keep in your

heart. A light you have in your eyes.

Someone you hold in your arms. My, I'm

glad I'm going out with you tonight. Come

here. Do

you like my formula?

Makes you think, doesn't

it?I could use a lot of that.

What time did you order the table?