Original subtitles

Come on, Steggy.

Come on, Steggy. Now, look here, Steggy. Now, be nice now.

Steggy, Steggy, Steggy. Be nice.

Now, look here, Steggy. This is Mom's boarding house. This is where I live.

That's what you call it, living.

Steggy, Steggy. Come in, Steggy.

Steggy. Steggy, come here.

Come here, Steggy.

Steggy, Mom's going to put us out.

Steggy, come on down from there.

What are you going to do? Oh, Stanky, oh, man.

Stanky, get out from there. Get out of there.

Get out of there. I heard what you said. But, Mom. About this call, this living.

Yeah, but let me tell you something. If you don't like it, all you got to do is

to pay me your rent and leave. You understand that?

Because I'm not going to.

What's that say?

Get out of here. Don't get scared, Mom. Come here, Stanky. Come here, Stanky.

Come here. Stop that. Stop acting like that.

Mom, now don't be scared. This is Stanky.

This is part of my animal leg. That's the part that's going out of here,

Dusty. Oh, but Mom, you don't understand.

See? Look at that. Ain't that nice? What is this?

This is Stegon. People, he's the animal of distinction.

I don't care if he's the animal of extension.

Dusty, you got enough animals in your room now.

Well, you got a whole zoo up there.

What is he anyhow?

Mom, this is Stegon.

And absolutely harmless.

Just look at that. Ain't he cute?

Oh, you little rascal.

Well, and he's smart, too. Yes, he is. Got two brains.

He's got one in his head. He's got one in his tail.

There you go. Try to jive me again.

Boy, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Whoever heard tell him any animal having brains in his tail.

If he's got one brain anywhere, he's got one more than you've got.

Come on, Staggert. Come on now. Come on upstairs.

I'm going to show you where we're going to sleep at. Come on, Staggert. Come on

here.

I'm going to fix you a nice place. Come on, Staggert.

I'm going to knock you out. I see that right now. Come on, Staggert. I'm going

to kick him out of here. Come on here, Staggert. Get on up there.

Your nice place.

Fantastic. Who's going to take him out at night?

Don't don't put your hand now. That's nice. That's nice. Come on in now. Come

on in. Yes Oh,

look at it. Ain't you cute?

Oh, yes, sir. You're so glad to have a nice place to sleep. Oh, look at there

Oh,

I'm gonna make a lot of money on you Yes, I am. I'll do the little rock for

you. Now, look here.

Come and see it.

Now, here's where we're going to sleep at over there.

But before we take us out of there, I'm going to take you around and

introduce... Come on, don't do that, boy.

I'm going to take you... Listen, I don't want me and you to fall out, see,

because you is my poacher.

Oh, stop now. Stop, baby.

Look here. Come on and go right and meet the other members of the act.

Steggy, you're getting worse from now on. You're going to make me lose my

temper. Come on here.

Come on now. You're going to meet the other members of the act.

Oh, stop, Steggy. Oh, Steggy, all right. I'm going to hurt you now. Come on back

here.

You stepped right on my bunion. I'll never do that no more. Now, come on over

here and meet Fuzzy. Come on. Come on. Now, Fuzzy, this is Steggy.

Steggy, that's Fuzzy.

Look at that.

He's so glad to see him, too.

All right, people.

You can get me put out. All right, don't jump up in Mom's chair.

I'll put all that hair on the floor.

Now, here, I'll stay with you. Come on in. I'm going to introduce you to the

other members. Get out of the chair, Stag.

Come on in to meet the other members of the act.

Come on, Stag. Oh,

Stag, stop.

Oh, get away.

All right, now.

I wish I had my... I done went off home and left my...

If I had somebody hurt you, come on here and meet the Muslim members of the act.

Come on here.

Now, come on over here and meet the rest of the members of the act. Now, now,

now, now, now, now, that's nice.

Now, brother, this is Steggy.

Steggy, that's brother.

You better not look at me.

What's the matter?

Oh,

don't get scared of him, Steggy. Oh, he ain't going to hurt you.

Look at that.

I say, you're going to get me scared of him in a minute.

Now, now, look what you done done. You done scared Steggy. Now, listen,

brother. If you don't stop scaring everybody, I'm going to have to put you

back in a cage. I don't want to put you in a cage, but I will.

Now,

just remember that.

Come on here, Steggy. Me and you got to get some sleep, okay? We got to get up

today and put on a good show. Do you know that?

That's what we got to do.

Now, now, now, now, look here.

See, now, I'm going to let you sleep right here. I'm going to sleep in the

bed. See, now.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Come on, dog.

It ain't like that, sonny boy.

It ain't like that. See, you sleep down here. I'll sleep in the bed.

Oh, yes, you will, Susie.

This ain't no tree. This is a bed.

Yeah, but you'll never park your hips up here.

Now, I'll show you what you do now. You come right here and lay down right here.

You understand what I mean, Susie? I'll show you what I'm talking about.

You lay right down here just like this here.

And you lay like this there, see, and you get some good sleep like this.

I slept in the park a minute just like this. You sleep like, and then when you

feel like you want to turn over, then you just turn over just like this here.

Boy, this is awesome. This is... Hey, stay there.

Hey, stay there.

Hey, stay... Well, now, ain't that a shame?

Well, he always said, be kind to dumb animals.

Then maybe he ain't dumb.

Yeah.

What's that pot on the stove for me a minute, Freddy?

Oh, come in.

Thank you.

You in show business?

Yes, I sing.

Oh, you do?

Oh, would you mind?

Oh, you wouldn't mind.

Run and ski up for Mom.

I love singing.

Is that all right?

Why, honey, that was beautiful.

What is your name?

My name's Lila Foster.

And I was wondering if you could show me a room.

Well, yes, I can show you one.

But the trouble of it is, they're all filled up.

Well, thanks anyway.

Oh, wait a minute. Let Mom think.

There must be some way I can fix it. Oh, yeah.

I'll put Dusty in the room with Musty.

Now, if I did that, Musty didn't get the rest of Dusty there.

Oh, I'll put boo-boo.

No, I can't move boo-boo.

He never would find his own one.

You know, he's always the are you empty?

No.

Yes.

I know how you get a drink.

My friend does still give me a drink.

I'm going in in fear.

And Sam, my old friend, doesn't always look out for me.

I get the feeling... Hey, Dutch!

Come on, get up and give me a drink. I want a drink, Dutch.

Oh, you're sleeping.

Keep it right in that drawer there, so I'll just go in there and help myself.

Oh, and you won't have any.

Yes, there it is.

Look like gin?

Yes, I did.

It is gin!

was boo-boo.

I don't think we'll ever see him again, honey.

And now Mom got a room for you.

But he seemed so frightened.

Frightened? He was scared to death.

You know what I think happened? I think he must have took one look at Steggy.

Is Steggy a border here?

No rumor.

I don't feed pre-hysterical animals. I just can't feed the hysterical ones. So

come on up, Stan, to Mom and show you where your room's at. Come on.

This way, darling.

You see?

This was Boo Boo's room. But you can have it now.

You know, you're a pretty girl.

I think you look better with your hat on.

Musty! I know you don't. You're not going out of here until you pay me every

nickel of your rent.

Get back in that room!

Can you imagine as nice as I've been to him?

Get in there!

Oh, my goodness!

Did you hurt yourself?

No, I hope not. I hope I didn't hurt myself.

Oh, uh...

How to do?

How to do?

Uh, looks like I've seen you someplace before.

Maybe you have. You see, I get around.

Yeah, and your name is, uh... Vivian. And your last name?

Harris. Oh, I had a hard time guessing that. And who are you? I'm Spider Bruce,

you know. Oh, Spider Bruce. Yeah, are you going to the dance tonight? Well, I

was thinking about it. Well, that's nice.

Are you married?

No, I'm not.

Well, where do you live?

Upstairs. Oh, you're cooking up there now, huh?

I should say not. I'm an actor. and I live up there. Oh, I see.

Well, how about you and I getting together tonight, going to the dance

together? Well, I don't care if I do. What time can I meet you?

How about the corner drugstore about 9 o'clock? That's fine. 9 o'clock. 9 o

'clock. I'll see you here.

Okay. Oh, me, me, me.

Don't forget.

9 o'clock? Yes, sir. I'm going to the tailor shop and get my clothes right

now. Ha, ha.

Yeah.

If I bet they do, they don't. If I bet they will, they won't.

I guess the landlady will just have to wait for her rent this week. Yeah, I

ain't stunned by what you're talking about, because I ain't... Well, hello!

Why, hello there!

What's all the argument down there? Oh, don't never count on the Joe's place.

Why, he leaves his wife there in charge, and the minute you go out, you think Joe

would charge you there. Well, how much you charge? Come charging me 35 cents

there. 35 cents, right?

Well, I spent a dollar to a dollar and a half to have my clothes fresh. Yeah,

that's the reason you got on that leafy suit there now.

Say, ain't you going to the dance tonight?

Not like this. Well, so when do you got this for looking like that?

How about... Now, listen.

I remember the first time I saw you, you know, you did me a very nice favor, too.

Oh, I wasn't going to bring that up. Well, one good term deserves another.

Yes, sir. And if my clothes will fit you, here they is right now.

Try on them pants there. Yeah, but what are you going to do? Don't worry. I got

clothes I ain't never seen before.

Well, all right. Thank you very much. All right. I'll go over here and try

them on. Ah, don't do that.

Don't never bend up the pants like that.

It's 35 cents invested there. All right, I'll be right back. Yeah, now, time on

right there. You all right? He's a good old boy. Just plays horses all the time,

you know.

Yeah, but I never forget what he did.

Get your heels out the pocket. You act like you ain't never had on no pants

before. Oh, they fit him, too.

I sure is glad of that. Now he can go to the dance. Yes, sir. Him and I are going

to that dance tonight.

He ain't come back.

There they are. How do they look? All set there, you know. Yes, it fits you.

Look, sir, here. I want you to take my coat. Your coat, too? Yes, sir. The coat

goes with it. Well, this is all right. I know. You know, you're really all right

here. Oh, I know. But now, wait a minute. Don't throw it in my face like

that. Well, what's the matter? You're liable to have some friends on this,

baby. Oh, no friends on that. No, well, you won't need that no more. Well, this

is really all right. I'll never forget this. I know that.

Wait a minute here. Let me get your feet up off of 7th Avenue, boy. All right.

Now the shoes go to you. I will.

What is these here you got here?

Those shoes there? Yes, sir.

Why, those are Edmund C. Clapton. You're right.

They done left all right.

You won't need them anymore either. Look at that. Now, wait a minute. Put the

cane on. Put the hat on. Take the handkerchief off your neck.

Got to do it. And you're all dressed up, you know. Oh, mercy. Look at that.

You're all right. In a shop, Jackson? Yes, sir. I'm really in there.

Uh-uh. Don't do that.

Don't do what? Don't ever turn that fast in my clothes. Listen, if I want to

turn, I'll turn.

No, you won't turn in that clothes. If I get the urge. to turn, I'll turn.

You don't have the urge to turn in my clothes.

Well, I said when I turn, I'll turn. Oh, look who ain't going to the dance

tonight here.

Well, I was just kidding.

Oh, I see you were.

Say, Spider. What's the matter? You know, I expected an advance from my

agent today. Yeah.

And didn't receive it, so will you let me tune till next week? Oh, yes. I

promised to let you go to the dance, and you're going, you know. Yes, you did.

There you are.

Now, whatever you do, get yourself a girlfriend. Oh, I will get one. I will.

I'll tell you. I'll see you there, huh?

Oh, my, you look so nice. I'm in there. Say, looky here. What? Another thing,

you know, you're easily getting mad. In case anybody's doing this thing of

starting an argument within the dance tonight, in case you get mad at all, if

they want to fight, I'll pull off my clothes if they feel like they want to

cut you. I'll see you again. Oh, I'll take care of everything. So long, I'll

catch you. So long, Trotter.

Why, hello, Vivian. Why, hello, Charlie. How have you been? Oh, I've been around.

Well, naturally you wouldn't, honey. I'm following the horses nowadays.

Oh, I see. You're a street cleaner now, huh? No street cleaning, honey. I just

made $15,000 today, and I thought I'd walk around and see what the girls and

boys at the boarding house are doing. $15,000?

Yes, it is.

Oh, are you really speaking, ain't you? Yes, Emma. Are you going to the fair

tonight? Well, I was thinking about it.

Who's the wolf? I haven't picked one yet.

Oh!

Yeah, well, all right, Joe. It's all right. I didn't mean it. Oh, hello,

Spider. Hello.

I was looking for you. Yeah. I got me a fine...

I never knew anything that looked like him in all

the days of my life. I see right now.

I've got to get you all told, I'll tell you. Now, partner, you're just like all

the rest of the common men. You don't know when you really got a friend.

I loan you my clothes, my money, you turn around and take my gal. You just

can't stand prosperity, that's all.

Why, the lady says, my boy, that she don't know you. Well, I believe she's

true. Well, that ought to do. You see, guys like you are out of style nowadays.

So, Mr. Common Trash, be on your merry way.

Oh, partner, give me.

I said, gimme.

Now, since you've been so deceiving, thought you're standing so pat, I think

you better let me have my old high-self hat.

Man, gimme.

I said, gimme my hat.

Now,

what this man is talking about, I really can't see.

Why, lady, I'm only getting back. Guess what this bum boy is for me, that's all.

That's all right, darling.

for you, honey. I'll say you're right, Mr. Paul, as your hat is throughout the

window. You see?

He wants me to go with her anyway.

She's going to make an excuse for me. That's right. Come on, honey.

Oh, partner, Jimmy.

I said Jimmy.

Oh, no.

Now, I think you've been so deceiving to stand out in front of all these folks.

I think you'd better let me have my old full dress coat.

Oh, no. Oh, I said Jimmy, man.

Give him a coat. That's what I want.

Now, what this man is talking about, I still can't see. Hey, you stay out this

mess. I'm only getting back what he borrowed from me, that's all. That's all

right, darling.

I'll make another excuse for you, sweetheart.

I'll say it's too warm for you to wear a coat. You see, she's going to make

another excuse for me. It's too warm to wear a coat. You haven't been out

lately, have you? Oh, come on. Oh, potty now.

Gave me.

They gave me.

Now, I think you've been so deceiving and try to act so brand new.

I think you better let me have them old patent leather shoes.

Oh, no. Oh, no, nothing. Give me, man.

Oh, man, give me the shoes.

What's the matter?

Look at there. You done turned them over already there.

So you're trying to...

Keep me from going to the dance. I ain't trying to stop you. I'm just stopping my

clothes, that's all.

Well, I bet you I'm going. You'll bet what? I'll bet you $4. Where's it at?

Here it is. This is my foe. Now, where is your foe at? Well, I ought to. Oh,

fool him, devil. Fool him.

Oh, come on, honey. Oh, no, brother.

I really can't use you now.

Can't nobody use him now.

Standing up there just as barefoot as a yard dog.

Done gone and brought a new style to Harlem there. A new look with a walking

can.

Now, there you stand barefooted and everybody can see.

And if you make it with that gal barefooted, it's all right with me. Them

pants is mine.

He got away for one thing. I got his clothes.

Oh, my best silver.

Why, you dirty little... These children don't make me say something yet.

Staggy! Staggy!

Oh, mercy, what is Mom's going to say?

Staggy! Stop eating them feathers like that.

Don't you know there ain't no chicken on the end of them? If it was, I would have

done it myself.

Now, listen.

We just have to go out and hustle some breakfast somewhere. We ain't got

nothing to eat, Staggy. We ain't got nothing to eat.

Mom done told... Mom done... Oh,

I see what you mean.

You know, I always know that wind up eating up mine.

Well, it's got to be done.

And I'm hungry, too.

I sure hate to do this, but it's got to be done.

Now, ain't no use acting like that.

I'll write home and tell the folks that you died for a mighty good cause.

Yes, I will.

Brother, I hate to do this to you.

But it's got to be done.

You see, Saggy, he's a big attractor.

And we've got to keep him alive.

Then besides, he's too tough.

Then whoever heard talk of us, they're going to get sued.

Well, it's got to be done.

Look here, I'll tell you what to do, brother. Be a man.

Walk into it.

Walk into it. Come on, walk in.

So you won't talk up.

I know what I'll do.

I'll shit my eyes. And I know it's not what I'll... Do it. Ow!

Boy, you'd like to make me break my leg.

And you broke my knife, too. Oh, excuse me, Mom. There ain't no way to kill no

rabbit. Well, I don't know how you kill him. Give him here. I'll do it. Ain't

just a shave.

Say, Mom, loan me a quarter, will you please?

Loan you a quarter? Yes, ma'am.

What's the name of that man that in the olden times that slid down the tree and

knocked all the bark off of it? Now, let me see.

That was Ezekiel. Ezekiel. Yeah, that's who it was. Well, when Ezekiel slides

back up the tree and sticks all that bark on.

Then maybe I'll lend you a quarter.

Oh, I'll wait on that.

Now, look here, Mom.

When you get through, call me, yeah?

Yeah, I'll call you when dinner's through.

Now, ain't that a shame? Dusty done pumped my best night.

Wait a minute. Now, wait a minute, honey.

Now, now, now. Did Mom give you a nice supper?

Now, you must be scared. I'm giving you a whole lot of supper.

See, Mom ain't going to hurt you.

You best go cut your hair off.

Because if I don't, you see, Mom's children ain't going to have nothing to

eat tonight.

Now, who's that ringing that doorbell?

Now, you stay right there. Be nice, baby. Mom's coming right back.

We'll get that rabbit fixed in the world.

Good morning. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Put that knife away.

Oh, this is not for you.

You see, I'm from Sloan's Loans, and your payment is due on your

piano. Well, maybe this is for you.

Say, what's up, Mom?

He's from Sloan's Loans, and he came to say about a piano.

Oh, piano.

Jim, just a minute. I'll see about it for you right away.

Thank you.

Three whistles. The guy for the piano.

Come over here.

Now look.

I've checked all over. There's no piano in this house.

But there must be a piano.

What are you doing to me?

Now, I told you, there's no piano in this house. If you want to look, you can

look. Look in some of the other rooms if you want to.

That's what I'm going to do. Because they want me here.

Don't pray.

Don't consider paying voters.

Mom, slap!

Well, all right.

I'll look in his belly. Oh, Grant, look in the cold.

I'd like to...

Fine.

Now, this is the kitchen.

Have a good look.

Oh, Mr.

Stanley, why don't you forget all about it? And come on, stay for dinner.

Why, we're going to have some nice rabbit stew.

You like rabbit stew?

Yeah, but I've got to go. I told the man I'm going to go.

Thanks, I will.

Children, I want you to meet Mr... Stanley's my

name. Mr. Stanley, from the Sloan's Loan Company.

I'm glad to meet you.

Yes, sir, Mr. Stanley. Oh,

am I late?

Well, just a little bit, Lila. Now, children, I want you to meet Mom's new

boy. This is Lila.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Won't you please have my seat? Please come over and sit over on this side of

the table.

No, please come over and take my seat. It's my seat. I'm doing this. Please.

Thank you.

Now, now. Boy, don't do that. What's wrong with you?

Let's run around that. He didn't have to push me over there like that. See here,

boy. Shut up, boy. You see what I said? Sit down there, Freddy.

Let me go get them cakes. I'm tired of you children's bullshit.

Excuse me.

Let me have your fork.

What on earth do you want my fork for?

You'll see.

Do you always use two forks? Only when I have a young lady.

A beautiful young lady at my time.

Come on.

See what I mean?

Shame on you children.

Why, you beat them all up for Mr. Stanley. Mr. Stanley, Mama will get you

some more.

Thank you so much. I sure do like potato pancakes.

I'm glad you do.

If you ain't fast around here, you'll sure starve all right.

Yes, you will.

See what I mean?

Well, I'll be fast.

Yes.

See what you mean.

Just for that, you're not going to get nothing to eat at all.

See what I mean?

That's too bad.

Oh, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. Shut up.

Before I cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

You're so, so, so, so, so, so.

Where?

Sally, how do you like it here?

Oh, it's grand.

But if I don't get a job by the end of the week.

I'm going to have to leave.

I only have enough of one week's board.

One week's board? That's all I ever paid, and I've been here six months.

But how does Mom manage?

Well, to tell you the truth, I never ask her.

I guess she's got insurance money.

You mean Mom had insurance money.

It's all gone now.

I've got something to tell you children after a little bad news.

Oh, I won't spoil your dinner. Go ahead and eat.

Mama will tell you after dinner.

All right?

Okay.

Well, that's a good addition to my children, will you?

I hope you enjoyed the rabbit stew.

Yes, well, thanks for the dinner.

And if you see a piano, let me know. I certainly will, Mr. Stanley. You'll be

hearing from us very soon.

For alone.

Don't disturb the paying boarders. Oh, no.

Excuse me.

But if you still get the piano, let me know, yeah?

Bye. Bye.

Well, children.

This is it.

Everything's going out.

Nothing coming in.

And to tell you the truth, Mom's broke.

And if I don't have $50 by 12 o'clock tonight, the landlord said he's going to

throw everybody out of here.

Your stinking uncle and all, Doc.

Well, you see, I've been sleeping in the park so long, tell it don't worry me.

Maybe we can all pool our money.

I still have $2.50. You won't have it if I know where it is.

Listen. Well, if we pooled all of our money together with your $2.60, we

wouldn't have $3, honey.

Won't the rent collector take something on account?

On account of what?

On account of we ain't got but $2.60.

Oh, he ain't gonna stand for that.

Oh, don't worry, Mom.

Something will turn up.

Where's your $2 at, honey?

I'll bind you on business, Dusty. You always ready.

I don't pay a bank. When?

Oh, I'll pay it back to you when I get it.

Ain't that something?

I got a gig.

Got a gig where?

It ain't come up yet, but it's promised to me.

Yeah. You let me know when it comes up, and I'll have one with you. Thank you.

Mommy, none of them hotcakes left?

No.

Simon.

That man would never take nothing on account.

My children, that man is so mean.

Don't you know he's liable to walk in here at one minute after 12 and open the

door and throw us all out the window?

I wish I could cook him just one meal.

That's all, brother.

Might as well brace up and pack up too.

I think this is the bad news.

So get ready for it.

Come on in, Dre.

You got the 50 bucks?

No, I ain't.

Then out you go, all of you.

Something new has been added.

Well, you see, babe, today is the last day of the month.

And exactly three minutes, everyone gets thrown out.

Oh, now, if you were my wife and they were friends of yours, I might

reconsider. I need time to think it over.

You have plenty of time.

Exactly two minutes.

Oh, I need more time.

I'll give you 24 hours to make up your mind. I'll be back tomorrow night at

midnight.

If it's no, out you all go.

Oh,

Lala, darling.

Gee, you were wonderful.

Mom didn't know you could jive like that. You jived all right. Mom gonna

adopt you.

Thank you.

You are a great chap.

You mean you were only stalling him? You're not considering?

What do you take me for anyway of all the nerves?

Wait, wait, Lila. I didn't understand.

I'm Lila Foster.

Say, I'd know you anywhere.

Your dad and I had shoot together for years.

How is Joe?

He's fine.

This is Jerry Lewis, a friend of mine. Glad to know you, Jerry. Any friend of

Joe's daughter is a friend of mine.

Jerry and I are singers, and we were wondering if you'd let us try out in

your next show.

Oh, I'm sorry, Lila.

But if you've been reading the papers, you know that there won't be another. I

had another flop.

Does that mean you're quitting?

Oh, no.

A fortune teller told me to quit.

A who? A fortune teller? Yeah. What's wrong with that?

Well, nothing.

Say. I know a wonderful fortune teller. Why not let her tell you a fortune? I

just told you I just had my fortune told.

But, Mr. Norman, when a doctor tells a patient he has something seriously wrong

with him, doesn't the patient go to another doctor for another opinion?

Well, a doctor can be wrong.

Oh, I see what you mean. Where is this wonderful fortune teller?

Uh, at the top of the tea room.

Well, come on, let's go right now.

No, no, she don't begin until four o'clock.

All right, I'll see you there at that time.

It's a date.

Thank you, Mr. Norman. Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye.

Your horse has done it. What do you know?

You know it all about experience is sure better.

I ain't never been a fortune teller before.

Well, Mom, you know what to say and what to do.

Oh, yes, this town's a tale.

I worry about Mom. I ain't never missed a cue in my life.

Jerry. I still think it's a mean trick to play on Mr. Norman.

Lila, all fair in love and show business.

And besides, we're helping him.

Well, I hope so.

Here he comes now.

Well, here I am.

Hello, Mr. Norman. I'll take your hat.

Madam Altura, this is Mr. Norman.

Mr. Norman, this is the wonderful fortune teller I was telling you about.

It is the pleasure to meet you.

Sit down. No.

I'm glad to meet you.

I tell you a fortune. I tell you everything.

These crystal balls tell everything.

Know all.

Understand?

I...

I can see talent.

A house full of talent.

That will make your next show see big heat.

Is that not right?

Sure! Shut up, fool. I'll do the talking.

Where is all of this fine talent?

In Mom's boarding house.

Never heard of it. I heard of them.

So have I.

We could round them up for you.

I know Mom personal.

Well, there's enough talent in this house for the whole show.

Ah, what Mom house not got, her friend next door, Bueller, got.

See, Bueller house got what Mom house lack.

What's that?

Two bathrooms?

Well, you kids round up that talent and have them in my theater in the morning

at 10 sharp. I'll audition them there.

And now, Tudor, thank you.

$100 bill.

Thank you.

So long, kids.

Bye, Mr. Norman.

So long, Mr. Norman. Hold me, Jay. I'm going straight.

Well, what's the answer? Won't you marry me?

Here's your answer, brother.

Today is the last day of the month, and I don't have to accept it. Listen, you

extended that one day, and I've got witnesses to prove it.

All right.

But I'll get even.

Yeah? Well, right now, brother, get low.

Mr. Norman, if you'll sit on that seat, I'll introduce the acts that we'd like

to have you put in your show.

And I'll introduce them as they appear for you. All right, go ahead. I'm ready

and anxious to see them. Bring them on.

Say, Mom, are you going to be in the show?

Well, the children kind of was talking about they'd like for Mom to do a little

dance. So I can't turn them down. I guess so. Yeah, once an actor, always an

actor. You're telling me.

How about you, Jesse? You going to work?

Take part in. I see. Are you in the show?

Am I in the show? That's what I say. Ain't just a joke.

Is I in the show? Well, I am the star of the show.

Out of my way, Ham!

Ham!

Ham! Ham,

why do you appear without me?

Ham! Ham!

There's some action!

They're great acts, though, every one of them.

And now, Mr. Norman, we're going to give you the talent.

The talent that we hope you're going to produce in your next show.

And the young man that I'm going to introduce to you is a gentleman that

should be a sensation.

In fact, I know he'll be a sensation, and he should be an inspiration to us

all.

Introducing at this time, Crip Hurd.

Take it away, Crip.

Introducing to you at this time, the Berry Brothers.

Believe me, they're exponents of the dance.

When you see them, I'll bet you will say they're definitely the Berries.

An apple is ripe until you bite it. You bite it to rip it.

You never know if

fire's going to burn until you light it. You light it. You strike up

a match and you light it.

You never know what it means to be blue until

you...

Da da da da da da da.

And he said, what did you say?

Yeah, you and I could find roses for honey.

Yeah.

A young lady that carries the name Walking by the River.

That's our girl, Una Mae Carlisle.

So my style is breezy and my smile is easy.

If you think I'm easy, throw it out your mind. Should your heart start

hurting, wondering if I'm flirting, and your head uncertain.

Throw it out your mind.

Why anyone can plainly see. Unless they are blind.

That I'm yours exclusively.

I'm the one track kind.

When you're out without me. Never worry about me. Anytime you doubt me.

Throw it out your mind.

Anyone can plainly see, unless they are blind, that I'm yours exclusively.

I'm the one track kind. When you're out without me, never worry about me.

Anytime you doubt me, throw it out your mind.

Throw it, throw it out of your mind.

Mr. Norman.

Una Mae Carlyle is going to do one of her own, too.

I'm quite sure you'll like it.

There's a crazy expression in Chicago now.

It's a funny thing, but it caught on somehow.

No, it ain't like that, what you bet.

It ain't like that, what you bet I said.

Yes, I said that.

So if you're him.

What's the step to save your rep? It ain't like that, I said.

Yes, I said that.

Now tell me, honey, does two make three?

When in reality, seeing is believing and hearing is believing. No, it ain't like

that. ABC, you follow me. It ain't like that, I said.

Yes, I said that.

Tell me, honey, just to make three.

When in reality, seeing is believing and hearing is deceiving. No, it ain't like

that. ABC, you follow me. It ain't like that, I said.

No, it ain't like that. What you bet?

It ain't like that.

We bring you at this time, Stumpin' Stumpy.

A very fine team, a little different.

Because one's about here and one's about here.

But you put them both together, you've really got something.

Here they are.

Why rhythm is really what you need. If you buy from me, you'll be

tallow. But now there ain't no talent in what you have.

So I can start your thing. So I can start your thing.

You've got to let me sing. I've got to twerk. No, don't sing it like that. I'm

going to sing it.

You've got to let me sing now. We've got drink for sale.

Don't you know that I really want to tune in. We've got drink for sale. And

if you buy from me, it'll be your day.

Hold it.

We've got drink for sale.

We can start. Get in here. We've got drink for sale.

We've got drink for sale.

I'll take it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.

Thank you.

Mr. Norman, I'm going to introduce a lady that's terrific.

A lady in your eyesight, and when you look and see her, you're going to feel

just exactly as we do.

We all call her Moms because she's just that dear to us.

Professionally, she's known as Jackie Moms Mabley.

But we all call her Moms, so what do you say, Moms? Take it away.

I'm so tired. Looks like I have the hardest luck in the world.

Now I done lost my job again.

Working for the mayor, too.

Well, it ain't my fault.

I was doing very well till the Duke and Duchess of somewhere came over here.

And as soon as they came over here, they said, of course, they're staying with

the mayor.

The madam comes up and down. She says, Mom, don't stay yet, ma'am. And no, ma

'am, to the Duchess.

They must say, the royal's dead.

Come on in the excellent dining room.

Eat your majesty's grapefruit and all that stuff.

Well, one day anyhow, the mayor went out for a ride on the bridal trail.

Come back inside and he said, Mom, where's the duchess?

I said, she's in the royal bathroom.

In the royal bathtub with a royal stove.

And her excellent wash rag.

Scrubbing her royal hide.

I didn't know it was wrong.

They fired me.

Of course, when they fired me, when I lose my job, I lose my man.

That is, since I got, well, kind of old, you know. Now, don't get me wrong, there

ain't no disgrace to be old.

But darned, if it ain't inconvenient, I can tell you that much about it.

Sure, I like Cam Calloway.

Everybody's talking about it. I know it.

They can't treat me like a dog. He does.

Treat me like a dog? He called me a dog.

Yes, he did. What did he call me? An old dog.

Sometimes I wish I was a dog, but he was a tree.

I'd get eaten. He doesn't do that much.

Well, Luther, looks like it's about time for Mom to get away from this.

Now, it's been a long time since I spanked these boys.

So I want you to play it real pretty for the people and see if Mom can't do a

little re-bop for them.

Take it away, loser.

Wait, wait a minute, loser.

No, don't play it like that, loser.

Play it like you're playing for one of them big people, you know.

Make it pretty and one of them symphonic stuff, all that stuff.

Hey, honey, make me look like Lena Horne if you possibly can up there, Mr. Light

Bear. That's better. Thank you. Come on, loser.

Knock me out, loser.

I love

you.

At least I used to love you.

I'm getting more for this man.

Made it! Made it! Made it! Made it!

Dusty,

where's your animals at?

Huh? Where's your animals?

They don't get up this time in the morning. No?

No. I'm going on without them. Oh, yeah.

Very funny, I'm telling you. Very funny.

I suppose you're wondering who I'm speaking of being very funny. Well, I'm

talking of a marvelous comedy team, Lewis and White.

And now while I can do a little tune that I had the pleasure of doing in the

show... Well, here I am.

Hello there. How are you? Say, say, can't you see I'm out here trying to

entertain? Trying? Are you kidding?

Don't you have guests here?

This is no place to try nothing. Furthermore, there's a show going on.

What time does it start?

Well, the show is on now.

Yeah? How long is the show? Fifty-five minutes. How long are you on? Ten

minutes. Be back in eleven minutes.

Say, wait a minute. Where are you going?

I'm going out enjoying the wax. Enjoying the wax? Well, the wax are for women.

I'm for women, too.

You know, just sit down while I run over four or five bars of Sunny Boy.

From where I'm standing, Sonny, you should run over four or five bars of

life, boy.

You tell him, Wells Fargo, I can't express myself.

Are you going to let me sing this number or not?

You're a singer. Are you kidding?

Why, you're ugly.

And you're drunk.

Yeah, and you're ugly. And you're still drunk.

Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober.

Yeah, well, I've got the kind of face you have to look at twice.

Yeah. You know, you don't believe it the first time.

Oh, you're one of those wise guys, huh? No, I'm not wise. Well, in order to be

in show business nowadays, you have to have political background.

What do you mean? Oh, well, everybody in my family's interested in politics. Is

that right? I'm a Democrat, my wife's a Republican, my baby's wet, my cow is

dry, and my cat is on the fence.

Why, it's a good thing you don't have a dog.

I got a dog, but he don't vote. No? No, he just hangs around the polls all day.

All right, you're so smart, spell skunk.

Skunk. Uh, S-K-N-K, skunk. S-K-N-K?

Yeah, I left you out.

All right, you heckling me, what can you do? Who, me? Yes, you. Oh, I make with

the poetry.

You mean you're a poet. Jack, I'm a poet. Know it. Believe me, I can go it,

and I ain't scared to show it. Well, let me hear you recite some poetry. Oh, you

want to hear me recite?

That's right. Well, it's dramatic. Dramatic?

Yeah. Right here. Don't get scared now. Don't run away.

Drama.

Mary had a little lamb.

His fleece was white as snow.

And with the price of meat the way that it is? What about it? That lamb has got

to go.

Then why is that the best you can do? Oh, no, I have another. Better than that

first one? Well, it's short. Quickie. Yeah. That's the point. Uh-huh. Go right

ahead. Well, you see, once there was two fellows, one named Brunside and one

named Rockside.

Well, Brunside lived on the east side, and Rockside lived on the west side.

Brunside decided he'd move to the north side, and Rockside decided he'd move to

the south side.

So Brunside decides he'll go down on the south side to visit Mr. Rockside on that

side. So he goes down the street on the wrong side, crossed the street to the

right side, to the house on that side, walked up on the porch on the out...

rang the doorbell on the inside, the lady came to the outside and they asked

for Mr. Rockside. The lady sighed and cried and cried and sighed, said

Rockside died, committed suicide.

I say, you're pretty good.

How about you coming out here with me?

I'll come right on out.

What do you do anyway?

Oh, I'm a dancer.

You do?

Yeah. I used to be a musician.

You did?

I've been studying art lately.

Oh, that right. Over to the museum this morning. You were? Three, two skeletons.

What were they saying? One said to the other, you know, if we had any guts,

we'd get out of here.

Say, listen. Oh, what took you so long getting out here? Had to stop by the

racetrack and knock on the horse I got running tomorrow.

Yeah? Put cocaine in his front legs, novocaine in his hind legs, benzoine in

his mouth, and dumped some marijuana in his nose.

Say, you think he'll come in first?

He might not come in first, Jim, but he'll be the happiest horse in there.

So now that you're out here, how about doing a little something? Oh, you want

to see me do something?

Mm-hmm. Well, let's see. Well, I do imitations, I do thematics, I do

characters. Characters?

Yeah. Let's do a couple of characters. All right. Now, remember the cowboy

days? Yeah. Well, no, I got a better... deal than that.

I can imitate different types of people. Yeah? Yeah. Now, say, for instance, now,

a cab driver.

A cab driver? Yeah.

Now, I can imitate a cab driver. Should a gangster ask him to drive him

someplace to rob a bank or something? Yeah. But I need your help. Me? Hey,

see, I'm going to be the cab. It wants you to be the gangster.

You can play the part of coffee here, can't you? Yeah. Well, you see, you come

along. I don't see you. I'm leaning on my cab. And out of the clear blue sky,

you ask... Somebody stole my cab already.

Say, well, you know what to do. All right, here we go. Okay.

Taxi. Hey, taxi.

Hey, stinky.

Stinky? Who, me? Yes, you.

What do you want? Come on over here. Who are you?

My name is Taxis, but all my friends called me Tank.

Where the hell are you from, Tex? Cincinnati.

Oh, see.

Stinky. You called me stinky a couple of eggs back, and I don't like it. Reach

for that there shooting arm, and if I don't beat you to the jaw and blow your

head off, my name is Eddie Rochester Anderson.

What a hound.

Look at you, partner.

I told you that if I didn't beat you to the throat and blow your head off, my

name was Rochester. Now what have you got to say?

Hello, Mr. Philly.

Now, Mr. Norman, we're going to close up the curtain, because we have something

sensational that we're going to give you.

Gentlemen don't need no terrific build-up, because you're going to

recognize his name, and the music that's going to follow his name is going to

keep your toes tapping and set your soul, really, and make it happy, happy.

Introducing at this time, that man with the banner, dynamic personality, Lucky

Millinder.

Thank you.

And now the band with Paul Breckenridge.

We slumber till dawn,

till the last dawn.

I'm quite sure you're going to enjoy a lovely lady and a tune that definitely

fits her personality.

The name of the tune is Let It Roll, and that introduces Anistine Allen.

Let it grow, let it grow all

night

long.

Till I make my ends meet.

Let it grow, let it grow, all

night

long.

Introducing at this time, one of our top recording artists.

He's a young man that overnight he was a sensation.

His tunes have reached the top into a thousand years. Maybe I could go so far

as to say millions, but let it reach your ear at this time.

I speak of that one and only, Bull Moose Jackson.

I love you, yes I do.

I want you, yes I

do.

at you.

You love me as

you do.

You need me, I need

you.

That's why

Since I first laid eyes on you.

I guess you knew it from the start.

From the day you took my heart.

You're the one girl I'll always admire.

guiding star. I must be wherever you are.

You set my

Take him away, Lucky.

This is fine, Mom.

Really fine.

And so fitting and appropriate after our big opening and great success.

Oh, it was nice of you to make this party for us after the show.

Oh, it was certainly nice of you to make it possible for me to have this party.

Look at my children.

Oh, they're so happy, having so much fun.

My children's happy.

Believe me, it makes Mom feel good in here. I see that.

Uh-oh.

If that's who I think it is. Will you excuse me a minute, Mr. Norman? Oh, sir,

go ahead. I'll be right back. Sure.

Uh-oh.

It's after midnight, and it's after the last day of the month. So out you go.

Here's your 50 bucks.

Now scram, ham.

No, no, no. See this calendar here?

Well, that's yesterday's date. And yesterday was the last day of the month.

Would you mind showing me today's date?

With legs.

See?

Yes, I see.

You look at it.

I've been foiled. It's leap year.

Yes! It's leap year, and you take a leap to get out of here. No, I'm on my right

to understand, but you can't do that to me. Who cares? I've got some rights. Get

out. Get out of here.

You know, darling, you're making me the happiest man in the world. Really, you

are. This is the moment that I've definitely been waiting for. I'm telling

you.

This will make Joe very happy.

Congratulations.

He should be here.

Dusty,

upstairs with them animals.

Honest to goodness, that's the worst boy I'm telling you that I've got.

He's got a whole menagerie up there.

He's got what he calls a... It's a donkey.

It's a donkey. That sounds like a sore throat.

Wait. Come on. Let's go upstairs. I want to show him to you. Come on.

Justy, how come you didn't bring me some of that rabbit?

Oh, man, do you know I had you a big, one of them big rabbit legs laying out

there. One of them old hungry actors eat it up. But I tell you what, I got you

some nice dumplings down there in the icebox.

Man, who wants their dumplings hungry as I am? That's right.

Hungry as you is, you should be able to put some trash in water and feel all

right. Oh, never mind that. Cut the card. Huh? Oh, man, cut the card. This

thing's hot.

Now, if you don't take that A's from under that sleeve there, I'm going to

send you where it's hotter than that is.

OK. Mm-hmm.

You know you ought to stop trying to beat those slaves.

You see, you're funny walking around with your head on your arm. Oh!

You see? So you got a man living here in the false pretend?

Oh, no, Mom. That ain't no man.

That's my brother.

I don't care if it's your father. Yeah, but it's not. Wait a minute, Mom. Wait a

minute. Well, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you. Wait a minute, Mom.

Oh, man, why don't you get out of the way? Stand up there.

Wait a minute, Mom. Take it easy.

Take it easy.

Hey, open the door. What's up?

Wait a minute.

Open the door, Richard.

I'll just say it to you, Mom.

Open the door, Richard. Ain't this a shame?

Oh, wait a minute, Mama. Oh, Richard, why don't you open that door up there?