Original subtitles

Hello. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Judi Dench.

And of all the lines I've ever had to say, I think my favourite is, welcome to

the Graham Norton Show.

Oh, dear, are you all missing Tracers on a Friday night?

I know.

Well, don't be sad, because hot foot from the Traders' Round Table, singing

for us later, it's James Blunt!

There he is.

He'll be performing his new single, Circles, and I promise you will be on

the show, James. We won't banish you at the last minute. Thank you so much. It

could happen.

But first, who are the fake fools on my sofa tonight? Well... This actor won an

Emmy playing Seth Milchick in the hit TV series Severance and went deep in

Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning. Now he's getting into the Christmas

spirit in Ebenezer. It's Tramell Tillman!

Hello, sir.

Very nice to see you. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Have a seat, please.

Tramell Tillman.

She was playing... Derry Derry Girls, Lady Whistledown in Bridgerton, and a

real doll in the Barbie movie. Now, starring in the latest installment of

the BAFTA-winning series, I am Helen. It's Nicola Coughlan, everyone!

and Emmy-winning Scottish star, dazzled as the MC in Cabaret, was a Bond villain

in GoldenEye, and as King of the Castle as host of The US Traitors. Now

returning to the stage in the classic My Fair Lady, it is our very good friend,

Alan Cumming!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hey!

Woo! Hello.

Good to see you. How's it going?

Hello.

And this Oscar-winning legend has ruled... the stage mastered shakespeare

conquered hollywood and kept 007 in line as em her new memoir recounts her life

and work what a life and what a lady please welcome the great dame judy dench

Don't miss it.

I made it.

Phew, that could have been a very awkward beginning to the show.

Welcome back, Judi Dench, lovely to see you.

Thank you. Would you say it's your 15th time on here?

It is. I can't believe that.

You invited me.

Always. I'm just crazy.

Always invited.

Giddy Dancers here.

Look busy.

And welcome back to Alan Cumming, welcome back to Nicola Cochrane. A first

-time welcome to Jamel. Hello. Yes, thank you for having me. Lovely to see

you. And a lot of people will know you, of course, from Severance, the big hit

show. Everyone loves Severance. Yes, go on.

Don't be shy.

Do people just want you to dance?

Um, yes.

Please don't ask me. No, I'm not going to ask you. Cue the track.

So dancing in season one, then in season two, the big marching band arrived. Yes,

marching band. Was that your idea?

No, it was not my idea.

But then you have this weird link.

I do. So I was in marching band in high school.

And what's really odd is that the uniforms in that marching band sequence

are the same colors as the uniform in my high school marching band. Now, we've

got a picture of you in your high school... Here we go. There you are. Oh,

my God. You look so cool.

Did you graduate from high school yesterday?

Very high. You look younger now than you did in high school.

That's amazing.

I played the saxophone. Thank you. The saxophone or the plume?

The plume.

Yeah.

Talking of glittering occasions, Dame Judi, you were... Was it the royal

premiere? You don't have to call me Dame.

Oh, sorry.

Judi. Judi. Judi.

Judi and Alan, you were together, I thought, was it the royal premiere of

GoldenEye? Yes, with GoldenEye.

You were? Yes, years ago, yeah.

It was so hilarious because they... It was the first James Bond film in ages,

and so there was a royal premiere. In those days, it was a long time ago, I

don't think they're quite as anal, the royals, about everything, but you've got

these two... Well, who knows?

He's our friend now, leave it.

I forgot last week.

You've got these two pages of sort of official royal etiquette, faxed through,

and it was a very elaborate way of, like, ladies must curtsy, and a very

sort of 12-point way to curtsy. And it said, gentlemen should bow from the neck

forward. I was like, well, you're hardly going to bow from the neck back.

We were standing in line at the thing, and you were next to me, and I was like,

I'm just going to shake his hand, I'm not going to bow. And he went, oh, I'm a

dame, I'm going to bow.

And so we were chatting. I told you about the bowing from the neck forward

thing. And so, on the telly, there was, like, Pierce Brosnan and Prince Charles,

and they were sort of talking like this, and between them, in the background, are

you and me going... LAUGHTER Laughing our heads off.

Talking of Pierce Brosnan, is it true he recently darkened your door? He did, and

I haven't seen him for a very long time.

And he suddenly rang pierce one day and said i'm in in your neck of the woods.

Can I possibly see you? I said, oh pierce I can't think of anything nicer

and he arrived at my house and I have a very small front door at my house And he

came along and I didn't realize he was coming. He stood at the door and looked

down And what I had forgotten is that my door mat says i've been expecting you.

Mr. Bond

I love you.

Quite the welcome.

Quite the welcome. And, Nicola, I don't know if you know this, Judy, but you and

Nicola have worked together. I do know it, only thanks to my grandson, who's

here tonight.

Oh, Sammy.

Yes. Well, you tell the story. Yes, well, I am... So, I'm a superfan of

Judy, and I was at the National Theatre earlier in this year in the Playboy The

Western World and found out that Judy... Oh, thank you very much.

I found out that Judy and Ian were doing a talk there, and I sort of said, can I

come to the talk?

So you might miss the half, but I went, just don't tell anybody.

And then the talk finished and I sort of ran around the building trying to find

her and you very kindly said hello to me and I sort of nervously said, we're in

the same film. And you went, are we? And I went, yes, you were a fridge. And you

went, am I?

And I said, no, I really promise. A fridge?

She was a fridge?

In The Magic Far Away Tree, you play, sadly you're not on the poster, Judy,

but you play a fridge.

Didn't realize Sammy went to see it and he came home after he said I tell you

what my I said Suddenly you're in the middle of it And

I

thought it was it Sam

The magic faraway tree. I thought it was some sort of magical fridge, but it's

just one of those fridges... Oh, it's just any old fridge.

But it's got your voice in it. Yeah. Which is good. I feel like I've dropped

acid or something. What's going on?

Let's get started tonight with Jim Dentley's new memoir, Is It Too Late To

Make A Run For It?

I've got it here.

Lovely. It is out now and I can tell you it is the number one Sunday Times

bestseller for two weeks in a row. Congratulations.

So... But do you know what we beat only just by a short

head? What?

Wallace and Gromit.

But you beat it. That's the important thing. Only very short hair.

Now, it's written with your good friend, Brendan O'Hay, and he does a great job.

He asks you questions, he prompts memories. He does it by stealth.

He actually does it by stealth, cos we're such great friends.

I mean, I didn't realise we'd already written a book.

I didn't know that this was happening. He crept up on me.

So so that's what he did. So does he come in and put the recorder down and

say record?

Oh, yes, I think there is actually You know, I'm not aware of it like just a

very camp conversation Okay, so you just a cup of tea and then you just yes just

you know, okay So you don't know how long this book took because it just

happened. I have actually no idea

Well, I'll tell you now, it takes it through kind of your whole life, and you

talk about your childhood in York.

I do, I do. And you were quite cheeky. There's a very sweet picture of you as a

little girl. Oh, my God. Isn't it?

You look like one of the Von Trapp children from The Sound Of Music.

You do.

You've got the teeth.

I know, what happened? Gorgeous.

Oh, it's appalling.

You began performing very young. What was your first role?

Was it that, the Nativity, or...?

A snail.

A snail. The snail was the first one. Does everybody know that rhyme?

I've never known whether it was tailors or sailors.

Four-and-twenty tailors went to kill a snail.

The best man amongst them dares not touch her tail.

She put out her horns like a little cowry cow.

I'm not sure.

Run, tailors, run, or she'll catch you all ere now.

Where does that come from? Your head.

I didn't do any of that.

I didn't do any reciting. I was just a snail.

And all I had to do was to be in a big shell and at a certain point go...

And then they all ran away.

And my pa made me the most incredible shell out of buckram. I don't expect

anybody knows what that is now. It's got a hessian, I think. No, it was like a

kind of cardboard.

Oh, I see. And it was a huge shell tied round me. So I didn't have to do

anything except lie down and go like that.

Of course.

Rehearsing is one thing.

The night that you get your parents there and everybody is quite another.

Yes. So I...

Sat there and then I suddenly heard this noise and so stood up like that And I

heard the headmistress from the side side saying get down I

remember they went to the story what happened to the sailors

or the tailors. I don't know but you got down resounding disaster

But that idea of, you know, not doing what you're told on stage is a real

theme in the book.

There's a story you tell, you were in a musical called The Good Companion with

John Mills.

Oh! I can see that.

Can you? Yes, I can see that that's the car.

Yeah, yeah, you in the car, yeah. It was heaven.

But there was an actor who is nameless in the book and will remain nameless

that you didn't get on with. You and John, you took against him. No, we

didn't.

We didn't take against him, but he didn't behave very well. OK. And you and

John decided to...? There was a number where there were a lot of passengers and

all standing in a row and they all had suitcases.

And there was a point where they all went like that and down.

And so Johnny Mills and I got hold of two stage weights and we put them inside

this particular case... What?! ..so that when the man... He went...

There are more stories than you think like that in this book. You are very

naughty.

One of the other things that really strikes me in this book is you are

fearless. Like, you like a challenge, don't you?

Yes. For instance... I'm not fearless, though. Oh, no?

OK. No, I'm not fearless. But brave? I get very, very frightened. But there's

something about being... Even my palms now are very wet.

They're quite moist, yeah.

LAUGHTER But talk to us about... We'll talk to you as well, Alan, about this,

but the West End debut of Cabaret The Musical.

Oh, yes.

You were not a musical star, but you played Sally Bowles.

Yeah. So, was everyone very shocked that Judi Dench was appearing in a musical?

No, I don't think they were aware one way or another.

I thought some people thought it was quite surprising. I thought it was quite

surprising. Yes, because Hal Prince, the great Hal Prince who was directing it,

he reached out to you. Yes, suddenly I was asked by my agent to go and see him.

And he said, you know, I'm going to take a big risk.

But Michael Bentall had said that to me when I went to the OV, too, so, you

know. But did you have to sing at the audition? When you met Al Prince, did

you sing? Yes, I think I did. I can't remember what.

Maybe Happy Birthday To You. I'm not sure.

It was something pretty...

Do you know, when I did Cabaret for the first time in London, it was sort of a

similar thing. People were saying, you know, oh, he's not done musicals before.

They were actually saying, I don't think this role should be played by a straight

actor. I was like, well, darling, you're fine.

But it was a funny thing. I think less so now, but in those days especially, it

was more like you either did musicals or you did plays. Yeah. And it was sort of

shocking for someone to sort of dip over.

Nicola, did you sing, Nicola?

A bit. I'm not Beyonce, like, I'm not going to... I'm not going to say, James

Blunt, move over, I'm here, we're good.

But I listen to both of you in cabaret all the time. You're on Spotify, did you

know, singing Don't Tell Mama, and I listen to that a million... What is

Spotify? I don't know. It's a music streamer. A music streaming service. Oh,

right.

There's a cheque for about £15 waiting for you.

And there's a legal video of you doing cabaret at the Donmar, which I also have

watched, because it's my favourite musical, so... Is it?

Oh, yes.

Very much so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrell, you do do musicals, don't you? I do. Oh,

wow. I do, I sing.

Oh, yeah. You done cabaret? Yeah. No, no, I have not.

Well, I... Get with the program.

I'm working on it. I'm working on it. It's actually one of the roles I would

love to play, the MC.

Oh, you'd be great. Throw it out there, throw it out there.

Judy, in the book, you talk about your experience with Stephen Sondheim when

you were in A Little Light Music. It's weird, we've talked about quite a few of

your musicals. Oh, you'll be seeing that. But you sing that amazing song...

Send in the clowns and you know, you say you're not really a singer, but you

know, i'm not and i'm not but sometimes songs are Difficult, how did you how did

you approach?

You know a big standard song like that? I don't know You'll just think you know

comes the day and you're expected to do it Yeah, and you practiced it a bit and

you just could keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best But a wonderful

thing I I had to sing it sitting on a

great big bed, which had a counterpane made of red roses on it and

Patsy Rodenberg who taught voice at the National

said most marvelous things I've never forgotten He she said put under that

bed and under that counterpane put a Board a quite substantial board and do

you know it's like, you know, it's no good sitting on this and singing You'd

have to have a bit of support somehow and and I've never forgotten that and he

did make an Incredible difference to how I felt about it. Yeah a board under the

counter thing,

isn't it? But it it did it made me feel better and then you did this very famous

performance of sending the clowns Was it for Steven Sondheim's 80th birthday?

At the Abbot Hall?

Yes. It was?

Yeah.

Now, you may not want to tell us this, but he did say a lovely thing to you

afterwards. He said to you, that song is yours now.

Oh, wow.

Didn't he?

Yeah, it's in the book.

It's in the book.

Well, just...

Just to give us all a treat, we've got a little clip.

We've got a little clip of you singing Send In The Clowns on that very special

night at the Royal Albert Hall.

Cover your ears. Here we go.

Isn't it rich?

Isn't it queer?

Losing my timing this late in my...

Where are the clowns?

There ought to be clowns.

Well, maybe.

We got more tissues.

You're very good, aren't you?

That was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

We're going to stay with musicals because Alan Cumming brings us a new

production of one of the greatest musicals ever written, My Fair Lady.

This production runs from the 21st of November to the 31st of December at the

Pitlochry Festival of Theatre.

So, you're giving your... Eliza Doolittle.

Eliza Doolittle.

I'm giving my Henry Higgins, yeah. Wow.

Is this kind of something you always wanted to play, or is it a surprise?

It's a big surprise.

I mean, really, how it happened was, so Maria Friedman is directing it, and I

saw her, she directed this production of Merrily We Roll Along, the Sondheim show

that I saw on Broadway, with Dan Radcliffe, and it was just so beautiful,

and, like, a show that I sort of...

I hadn't really understood before and I just saw it and it made it so clear.

And so I'm artistic director of Pitlochry Festival Theatre. And so when

I started, I thought, I want to do these big titles as well as other unknown

things. But if I'm going to do a big title like My Fair Lady, I want to do it

with someone who will give it a kick in the pants and do what I felt Maria had

done to Merrily We Roll Along.

So I asked her if she would...

what she would like to do, and she said she would like to do My Fair Lady if I

played Henry Higgins. So I was kind of bribed into doing it.

But I just said, yeah, OK, I'll do it. And so it's kind of funny, you know,

like, playing a character that is so iconic and kind of associated, kind of,

with one person, really.

Do you know what I mean? Like, Rex Harrison's sort of so indelible in it,

in the movie, and so it's been fascinating.

We're in rehearsals now still, sort of trying to find...

I mean, I guess it's like when I did Cabaret, the MC was so associated with

someone else, and I just kind of did it... You just go with your gut and do

it how you think it should be done.

It sounds amazing. But that is, I believe, completely sold out, isn't it?

Yes. Oh, wow. Yes, it is. But if people were to plan a trip... to Pithlock Free,

and they should because it's gorgeous.

What treats are in store next year?

Oh, I'm going to do the big selfie next year.

Yeah, come on, you're artistic director.

Come on. So, in January, we have our LGBT festival. That was the first thing

I programmed, was a queer festival.

I was like, the times are a-changing.

But she very kindly came. Yeah, no, it was really good fun.

Then we have a writers' festival in February. Then we're doing Absent

Friends, the Alan Akebourne show. Then we're doing Nine To Five, the Dolly

Parton musical.

Then we're doing this show called Super... with me and Ewan McGregor, this

beautiful... There's the poster for that one, yes.

I'm... Yes, we're lovers and, you know, I've got Alzheimer's, as you can see by

my gaze in that picture there.

And, um... And then we're doing some other things.

I can't remember the rest, but a lot of exciting things.

And, Judy, Bean? Not Bean.

No, I'm not old enough, darling.

I have never been, actually. But it has a wonderful reputation, the chocolate.

Yes, it does.

And it sounds such a glorious place. It's magical.

It's sort of like Brigadoon. You go across this little rickety bridge and

there's a river and a dam and all this, and there's this amazing theatre.

It's sort of insane.

Yeah. Because you, Judy, you love Scotland. Like, in the book, you talk

about how you said yes to Mrs Brown because you wanted to spend time in

Scotland. That's absolutely right, yes.

Oh, I'd like to be in Scotland. That would be absolutely... Yes, I would like

to be there all that time. That would be absolutely... What's the part?

It was a bit like it.

Because in terms of, you know, accepting, saying yes to things, what

was it like? You got the call to do the final Mission Impossible.

I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did that just come out of the blue?

Well, it didn't come out of the blue. I worked for many, many years. Oh, yeah, I

mean, it wasn't like, yeah... You there!

Yeah.

Well, Christopher McQuarrie, who directed the final Mission Impossible,

was a big fan of Severance.

And he had called me one day and said, hey, I just want you to know that I have

a role for you in this franchise.

And I played it cool. I said, well, I don't know, Macquarie.

I'm kind of busy filming right now. I don't know how to make it. And then I

said, well, tell me more about the role. What is it about? And he said, well, I

can't give you everything, you know, what's under NDAs, but I just want to

let you know that there is something for you and it may have some meat to it. So

I was like, okay, well, I'll take a look at it and I'll see.

And I got off the phone.

and called my team, and I was like, we have to make this happen.

It has to happen.

And it just materialised into this beautiful project, and I got to work

with Tom Cruise.

Now, I've heard you talking about it, because a lot of people... Some people

know about this, some people don't, but there's this famous Tom Cruise cake that

people get, and I've heard you talk about this. So, you are on the list,

you're not on the list? I'm on the list. You're on the list.

OK.

But you thought for a while you weren't on the list.

Well, I was not. I was not originally on the list, but then I talked to Tom

Cruise's nephew.

And I said, you know, hey, what's up with the cake?

And he was like, you didn't get the cake? I was like, I didn't get the cake.

He was like, okay, don't worry about it. And then I got a phone call that said

there was a package at my doorstep.

And I rushed home. Is that a euphemism?

Well, after I got that package, that was another package.

And that was a coconut cake.

Wow. Because you've worked with Tom Cruise as well, haven't you? Yeah, I

never got a bloody cake, no.

Did you get a cake from Tom Cruise? No, I never worked with him. Oh, well, then,

that's fine. That makes me feel slightly better.

Is that coconut cake? It's coconut cake. You like coconut?

Yeah. OK.

But I'm vegan, so probably I wouldn't be able to have it. You can't be vegan.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not vegan.

He must send out thousands of cakes.

It seems like everybody... Maybe I just watch your show a lot, but it seems like

everybody on your show has got a cake from Tom Cruise.

Do you get one too?

I would!

Bitch!

Why,

Tom, why?

Why not?

I'll send you a sliced salad.

Is it nice?

Yeah, no, it's very nice. And I don't know what's in it, but it lasts for a

really long time.

Did you notice that? Yeah, you froze. Yeah, months.

Days.

You'll get one, Nicola, you'll get one. One day. Judy doesn't want one.

Anyway, we'll move on, because Nicola Coughlan's latest drama is I Am Helen.

Now, this starts on Monday 16th November at 9pm, and the second part is on

Tuesday 17th at 9.15pm, and both parts are on Channel 4.

So, I guess we'll start with who is Helen?

So, Helen, it's...

It's a very unusual project. The I Am series are a series created by Dominic

Savage, who is a filmmaker, and you sort of come up with a story together, but

all the dialogue is completely improvised.

So it was composed terrifying.

Yeah, it was funny because I don't suffer from nerves very much I'm very

lucky in that respect But every day I would go in and I'd feel sick and I

thought can I pull a sickie today? I don't know if I could do this and they

deal with quite tough subject matter So this is a couple Helen and Steve who's

played by Joe Cole and they've been together about five years and at the

very beginning it's sort of It's in an intimate moment, things take a turn, and

then it sort of develops from that. Listen, we've got a clip of the trailer.

This is you and Joe Cole in I Am Helen.

Are you two in a good place?

Um... I think we just need to have a bit of a chat.

OK.

Yeah, I just... I'm not making you happy, and you deserve to be happy.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Steve, I want to tell you... No,

no, no, no.

It's tough, man.

It's tough for blokes.

And you're made to be the bad guy.

I have been with you five years. You have never told something like that. Oh,

shut up, woman!

It'll be okay. It's just... It's a rough patch.

Alan, open the door!

Steve, there's been a big change in your behaviour. Everything I do annoys you. I

can't do anything right because I'm a man!

Oh, just a stupid letter, man. What shall I do?

Have I not always been this person?

I feel like he needs me to need him, and that's not who I am.

Wow.

You're so good at it. Really good.

You're following in really impressive footsteps.

Oh, ridiculous.

The I Am, it's been Kate Winslet, Vicky McClure, Leslie Manville. Sam Wharton.

Yeah. So, yeah, that was also sort of like, when can I quit?

You want to go, I can't do it, I need to go home. But Dominic's amazing.

And so it's improvised dialogue, but also he works with you.

on the actual character, the story?

It's a very unusual process, because you film, I think... I think it was three

weeks we filmed for, and you film... We did a 75-minute take, which is just

unheard of. Oh, my God. I mean, an extremely long take.

I feel like five minutes would be an extremely long take, but, yeah, 75

minutes, and, you know, Dominic sort of guiding you through, but you sort of

really don't know what it is until you see it, because there's days of footage

that aren't used, and, yeah, very unusual. Do you see things like...

Is it OK if we're going to go back?

No, it's quite mad, yeah.

And the way that Dominic works, you don't film on any sets, so everything is

a real... Any what? Any sets.

Oh, yeah.

So, the flat we were in... Sorry.

The flat that we were in was a real couple's flat who we met, and at one

point during it, I was having this argument with Joe and character, and he

sort of went and punched the fridge, it's an aluminium fridge, and left a

full fist mark in it.

And then I was genuinely... It's quite stressful to film something like that,

so I went...

and I got some water from the fridge and drank it, and afterwards the props

department sort of said, well, that's actually the coupled water, you can't

have that. And I thought, Joe Cole punched the fridge!

That's not fair!

And it's a really intense watch. It's a very intense watch, yes. It really,

really is.

On a lighter note, so that's on Channel 4 soon, but on a lighter note, you have

another project coming up.

You are in the next Only Murders In The Building.

Yes!

Honestly, that was very unexpected. It's a show I love and I watch with my mum at

home and she's very picky about what she watches and we love watching it

together, but I'd auditioned for something and my agent called me and I

thought maybe it's something about that. She went, oh, you didn't get that, you

were wrong for that, but this is an offer about something else. I went, OK.

She said, it's the sixth season of this show and I thought, what?

And then it sort of started filming, like, the next week or something and I'm

sort of sat at this table across from Steve Martin and Martin Short and Selena

Gomez and I'm like, what? going on i mean it's a ridiculous cast that green

room i was sat there one day and i had olivia coleman to my right and richard e

grant and jerry halliwell

And Steve Martin, I thought... And I was like, what is this like? And I was like,

oh, it's Madame Tussauds.

It's too weird.

Everyone's too famous and it's too wild, but it was amazingly good fun. And is

everyone a bit kind of... Because they are all such big stars.

Yeah. Is it fun at all?

It's genuinely really fun.

But, God, Steve and Marty have the most stamina of anyone I've ever... Like,

they never complain.

They never... They always have dinner plans.

I'm, at the end of the day, I'm, like, being lifted out of the chair. I'm like,

God, I'm so tired.

Marty's like... Like, I'm going for dinner with Goldie Hawn, and you're

like, Jesus, fair play to you!

They're incredible, yeah.

It really was so much fun. I loved it.

Talking of American icons, Judy, you got to work with one in SEO Trot. Do you

remember SEO Trot, the movie?

It's the one with the tortoise. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Yes. Oh, yes, the tortoise. Yes.

And Dustin Hoffman. And Dustin Hoffman.

You look like that building, don't you? Oh,

there you are.

And now... Am I?

Is she in an elevator looking cute?

Or is the tortoise there?

No, no tortoise. Well, it might be on the ground. We don't know. Maybe.

But now, you liked working with Dustin because he was the right height.

Oh, yes.

Is that right? That's not why I like it.

No, but it was lovely not having to do that.

All the time.

It was lovely to almost be able to look at stuff. Have you had to, like, stand

on boxes a lot? Yes, you do. Oh, yeah.

Yes. Do you have to stand on boxes? Of course, yeah.

And they're called apple boxes.

But sometimes they go, there's a half apple, a double apple or whatever, and

then when they go for a half, I go, I'm not that short.

Yes, that's just to trip you up. Yes, exactly.

But, Judy, so you like acting opposite a smaller man, but then you... I wouldn't

say you're obsessed... No, I like acting opposite a tall man, too. Well, you

like... You certainly like tall men.

You've developed this thing, you like having your picture taken with tall men.

It's because I met...

A very, very beautiful painter called Mark Bradford, who is amazingly tall.

And we had a photograph taken... Have you got that here? Yes, there you go.

Oh, wow!

Well, you see, we had a photograph taken. Well, I can only say that I look

like something that you throw for the dog.

He's immensely tall. So, now, I cannot resist... Yes, we've got a few of them.

Oh, Lord, you haven't. This issue with Stephen Fry...

This next man is Darren Moorcroft, he's the CEO of Woodland Trust.

He is very tall. And CEO of the Woodland Trust, quite suitable, yes.

Very good, isn't he?

And I think you were getting on a plane recently and you met a guy who works for

BA. Oh, wow.

I'm just amazed they make a BA uniform that big.

But there is a picture of me with somebody, a very tall man that I met at

our local farm shop, and I don't know his name. All I can tell you is that

just out of the picture is a very, very cross wife.

Oh!

Amazing.

Livid. Because I'd gone up and said, do you mind if we have a photo? No, not

you, sorry.

So when you see a tall person, you go up and ask them...? Yes, if they're

exceptionally tall. Only exceptionally.

OK. Well, there are a lot of them about. I know.

All right, the clocks, you might have noticed, have gone back, so it is time

for the first Christmas movie of the season.

Tramiel Tillman, yes.

Tramiel Tillman brings us Ebenezer. It's in cinemas from November the 13th. So,

this is...

A Christmas Carol, but it's kind of a... It's not quite what people expect, is

it? No, it's a little different. It's a modern take on it, but it's still set in

1800s. Yeah. In London. Who do you play? I play Christmas Present.

The ghost of.

You are a ghost, aren't you?

Oh, it's three ghosts.

Am I a ghost now?

No.

In the movie. No. When you just said Christmas present, I thought, have I

misremembered it? No, you were all ghosts. No, yes. Yeah, yeah. Ghosts of

Christmas present. OK, yeah. So it is kind of a darker take.

It is. It is a very dark take. I mean, it's a ghost story.

Yeah. You know, so we lean more into the spookiness of it. Yeah, there's kind of

jump scares and it's good fun. But it's fun. It's still a family thing. And it

is a great cast of people.

Andrea Risberg is in it, Ian McKellen is in it. And as Scrooge, Ebenezer Scrooge,

Johnny Depp, who's kind of unrecognisable in this film.

It's really fantastic, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, we've got a clip. This

is you, as the ghost of Christopher Present, teaching Ebenezer Scrooge a

lesson.

It's easy to forget that titles, wealth, admiration are

not proper measures for a man's worth.

We often think that if we can only earn a little more, climb a little higher...

What is wrong with the boy?

Do you not know his name?

Why would I know the name of my Clark's child?

Why would you not?

Right, I get the point.

Sit.

If you have more to show me, then let us move along.

Sit down.

I don't like it here.

Shut up!

Whoa.

It's a bit saucy. Yeah.

Saucy ghost.

It is an odd thing. You know, you've got the full circle moment with your

marching band, but also, you've been in A Christmas Carol more than once before.

Several times. Several productions of A Christmas Carol, yeah. All around

regional theatre.

That is weird, though, isn't it? Yeah. They love it in America.

Oh, really? It's beautiful.

It's one of those stories you can bring your families to. It's a story of

redemption and love and joy.

It's beautiful.

We've got some pictures of you. Here you are in... This is Knoxville. Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Knoxville, Tennessee.

Oh, I love Knoxville, Tennessee. Yeah, I went to grad school there.

Did you? Yeah, yeah, I did.

University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I went to the... Yeah.

I can't remember... Dirty weekend there.

LAUGHTER Wait, what happened in Knoxville, Tennessee?

LAUGHTER It's also not far from Pigeon Forge.

Dolly. Dollywood. Home of Dollywood.

Oh, I forgot to say that. We were doing 9 to 5, the musical. You said that. Oh,

I did, all right.

It was a long time ago.

I'm just panicking.

No, you said it all.

Someone from Bitlockery going, and you never mentioned!

You did. Thank you, thank you.

And talking of acting, Judi Dench, you are becoming a theatre.

Oh, yes, I am. You know this. Well, I'm not becoming it.

Yes, it's true.

You're going to be open to the public.

Which theatre is it?

It's the Shaftesbury.

Oh, wow!

The Shaftesbury. Is there a picture of it?

Yeah, it's a picture of it, yeah. Well, there we are. I've never played in it.

But I remember seeing Mikey in Two Into One there, and I remember just crying

with laughter.

And that's the memory I've got of that theatre. Oh, isn't that lovely? It's a

very nice memory.

And is it going to be all the Dame Judi Dench or just Judi Dench? Don't ask me.

Do you know when it's happening?

I think it's happening in February.

I think.

OK, well, we'll keep an eye out for it.

If you're passing in the bus, keep an eagle eye on the building.

That's so exciting, because they don't normally do it to people who are alive.

Well, I quite agree. And women, are there many women?

No, and there's Maggie, and there's Joan Plowright, and there are a lot of people

who should be... Theatres should be named after, I think. Yeah, I know, but

them's the breaks, it's you.

And honestly, it couldn't happen to a nicer person. Congratulations, Judi

Dench, everybody!

OK, it is time for music. This man's breakout album in 2004 with its runaway

hit song, You're Beautiful, made him one of the biggest British artists of the

decade. Now performing Circles from his new album, Airplane Mode, it is James

Blunt!

Do you ever feel like you just want to turn and go Take the red-eye south

headed down to Mexico Do you ever want a brand new start

cause the person that you really are isn't who you are Do

you ever hear people talk about what's meant to be

Walk away thinking, man, that isn't meant for me Mmm, sometimes life is too

damn hard But you know in your heavy heart It's too late to go back to the

start So come and breathe it in The air's the

medicine It's only in the dark You get to see the stars

If you wish your life For a better one When you know full well It'll never come

to you Do you rather count

the walls The ones that just close you in While you referee or fight With who

you are and who you've been I know you wanna keep your enemies near But it's

only your voice you'll hear it for it

it's only in the dark you get to see the stars if you wish your

life for a better one when you know for a while it'll never come it'll never

come it'll never come to you

The future's in the past in just a moment. So drink and love and

dance. Don't make too many plans.

Cause all we ever have is in this moment now.

So come and breathe it in. The air's the medicine.

It's only in the dark. You get to see the stars.

Wish your life...

Thank you so much. And his band.

Great job.

Come on over, guys.

Thank you so much for doing that.

Oh, oh, oh. He's good, he's good.

Hello, hello, hello.

So great to see you. Come on in. Thank you. That's Jamel, Nicola, Alan, Judy.

There you go.

Lovely.

There you go, Tess, right there.

Thank you so much for that.

Thank you for letting me play. Most people don't.

What a thrill to be here. No, you stop that now.

That is from the new album.

Look at that.

There it is, Airplane Mode.

Out today, isn't it? Out today? Yeah, this very day. Happy release day to me.

Now, Airplane Mode, you didn't... So, what, you weren't going to call it

Airplane Mode? No, I actually wanted to call it James Blunt, Reason To Die.

I thought that was rather ironic and perfect.

But my record label laughed at me and my manager said he would stop working with

me if I did, so it's called Airplay Mode.

OK, brilliant. And what I like about you, because you say what's on your

mind, you love this album.

I really do.

I mean, every new album you say it's my best album yet, but this is.

I like this thing, so you had your greatest hits out last year.

Did you feel like that was kind of a line?

Well, it's more than a line, isn't it? Because, you know, your greatest hits is

released when you die.

And my record label didn't realise I was still alive.

And so, yeah, but for me, it means I am free of all the pressures from a record

label and from radio singles, and so this is all gravy.

OK, lovely.

And a gorgeous song, absolutely lovely. Thank you so much.

Now... I've got to, obviously, talk about Traitors. Well, I've talked the

album enough now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you just want to know about

Traitors, don't you? Well, even the song Circles immediately brings to mind a

round table.

So... Absolutely.

You've done it yourself.

I'm having a slight bit of, kind of, Traitors trauma, even looking at you

here. I went chugging you.

Absolutely. Yes, because you do. James, you have received the most votes, and

I'm banished again.

You did eventually get that. Eventually, yeah. Were you surprised to get as far

as you did?

Yes, very much. I mean, I had... We certainly were.

I had hoped to be Hercule Poirot and instead ended up as Inspector Clouseau,

which was painful. But I have to say, you are a victim.

You're a victim to the edit.

And they edited out all my jokes just to try and make those comedians seem funny.

Yeah.

They didn't edit out all your correct guesses.

You took it so seriously. It was adorable.

But people are accusing you of murder and things like that.

Whenever anyone accused me of murder, I really wanted to grab a fork and stab

them.

It is actually psychological torture.

Very much. You're in this bubble, you don't have your phones, you're in this

cocoon and you have nothing else to think about except...

the Game Of Traitors, so you go mad. But also, the thing I would say, and I think

you'll all agree, is often people take control in the challenges and they're

rubbish. You took control and you were brilliant at the challenges. You're kind

to say. Yeah.

Yeah.

Fine.

Taking control is one way of describing it. My wife described it as being bossy.

But, yeah, you know, they're long-haired civvies, civilians, you need to get a

grip of them. Yeah.

And so it was Ross and myself giving instruction.

But, you know, it was such a joy, such a pleasure. Actually, a mission is such a

nice time to get out of the kind of psychological warfare of the castle and

escape into the beautiful Scottish islands.

But also, so, you know, keeping the secret of the whole thing, did you tell

your wife, at least, what had happened?

No, I really didn't. You know, you're told not to tell anyone so they might

enjoy the show, and I got home and didn't tell her anything for months

until it was broadcast, and when she watched the last thing, she turned

around and said, I thought you'd won.

And she's so disappointed with me now.

We were all a bit disappointed.

Your little face, when the others voted Green, you could see your face going,

uh... I've really cocked it.

I've cocked it up again.

Yeah. Consistent, consistent.

Exactly. And you are going on tour to sing to the people.

Yeah, you're going to come to all the shows. I am, you know, I'm there, I'm in

the mosh pit every time.

Do you like crowd surf, as you know? Oh, I know you do.

That's why I don't go to any of the front.

Yeah, I'm going on tour from February rather than March. I'll be in the UK, so

do come along. I'll see you all there.

Marvellous. James, lovely to see you again.

Good luck on the tour and thank you for that great performance. James Blunt,

everybody!

That is nearly it. We'll be going to sign for a quick visit to the big red

chair. Who do we have?

Hello. Hello.

You're on.

What's your name?

My name's Debbie.

Debbie, lovely.

And where are you from, Debbie?

I'm from Lotham St Anne's. OK, and what do you do there?

I am a full-time grandma.

OK, lovely.

How many grandchildren?

Just the two.

OK, but full-time.

She's being a granny right now.

OK, off you go with your story, Debbie.

Well, my story starts a long time ago. It was a very hot summer's day.

Oh, yes. And we went off to B&Q because we had a leaky tap.

And I dressed in... God is in the details, but... I went off and I had

Kylie shorts on and I had a strap top around here and my Ray-Bans and I

thought I looked amazing.

And off we went and we was in B&Q and I had a little itch and I took my thumb

and I scratched the back of my back and, boom, and the next minute... there was

some guys at the end of the aisle and they said, hey, come and have a look.

Judi Dench has got her fripneys out here.

And I said, no!

She's a theatre!

Judi Dench is a theatre!

I'm not having that dirty talk about you, Judi. I apologise.

Appalling.

Well, we've got time for it. Please say a huge thank you to all of my guests.

James Blunt, everybody!

Tramiel Tillman!

Nicola Coughlan!

Alan Cumming!

And Dame Judi Dench!

And join me next week with music guest Noa Khan, comedian Rob Bright... Ozark

star Laura Linney, Scotland's finest, no offence, David Tennant, and the

wonderfully wicked Cynthia Erivo. I'll see you then. Good night, everybody. Bye

-bye!

Next here is the final of RuPaul's Drag Race UK.