Original subtitles

Um, welcome to my kitchen.

‐Thanks, man. ‐Yeah.

‐It's pretty, um... ‐

Are you gonna tell me the you cleaned up for me?

‐I actually did. Yeah. ‐Did you really?

Why is it wet right here?

What you say about this painting will sort of determine

how this day goes, I guess.

First of all, whoever the person is

who you're painting, was a real loudmouth.

Some people know him as Gob.

Some people know him as BoJack Horseman.

Well, that was another in a long series

‐of regrettable life choices. ‐What'd you say?

I didn't think I was gonna find anything in common with him,

but to my surprise, he went deep with me.

What is your critique of this painting?

If I saw that‐‐

If I walked into a room and that was the only‐‐

And I didn't know anything about it,

and I didn't see your name on it.

I didn't know anything, I'd think...

maybe not for me.

Unequivocally,

the worst painting I've ever done.

‐You're forcing yourself to sit with it? ‐Yeah.

I hate it. I hate the painting.

‐Can I make a suggestion? ‐Yeah.

That you don't give it any more attention.

‐That you stop thinking about it. ‐Okay.

If you hate it, it's already gotten way too much of your attention.

I like‐‐ I like‐‐

I like your style.

You're a joke!

You're not an artist! You're a nothing‐‐

I know we just jumped in hard.

I usually like to start with, like, a meditation.

If you're open to that.

‐So open to that. ‐Okay.

So, it's gonna be a guided meditation.

‐So, just get comfortable. ‐Yeah.

‐Close your eyes, and, uh... ‐

Let's just take, like, ten deep breaths.

Just to get started.

♪ Come with me ♪

♪ Go out tonight ♪

♪ Leave all our bad blood behind ♪

♪ Forget all our past troubles ♪

♪ Let's try not to fight ♪

♪ Baby, we should just start over ♪

♪ We've got no‐‐ ♪

How are you feeling?

‐Um... ‐I don't mean "okay".

‐I mean "three".

‐Three. ‐Three.

‐Solid number. ‐That is a solid number.

It's a odd number, as well.

I'm getting goosebumps right now.

I feel that.

Three, three, three.

I‐‐I went pretty deep right now.

Like, I‐‐I‐‐was talking, but I almost felt my voice

very far away.

Felt like I wasn't even in this room.

I first learned about Denzel

when I saw his cover of "Bulls on Parade"

by Rage Against the Machine.

When I stumbled upon his song "Gook",

I knew I had to meet this kid.

I'll just be straight up.

‐I don't like most paintings. ‐Huh.

‐I hate doing portraits, period. ‐Yeah.

I don't like the pressure of, like, "This has to look like Will".

I'm excited, because I firmly believe

that I don't think there's a painting

that could exist that could capture who I am.

I agree with that.

‐But‐‐ ‐I'm being coy, but I also‐‐

But there's a painting that could exist that

could capture you in this moment.

‐It wouldn't be able to capture Will. ‐Good point.

‐Sober Will. Young, angry Will. ‐Yeah.

At this moment, whatever information

and feelings we share back and forth,

that's what I take with me

when I do my portrait of you.

What was the first thing you painted, like, on the wall?

Was it, like, a big moment?

It was a big moment.

And it was even a big moment what color to use.

Because, you know, if you do something

in pink or something, it's light.

But the second you make black,

then it's more aggressive, and it's more of a statement.

I was scared at first, a little bit shy.

You know, like a little bit of...

‐velvet... ‐

Man, this is the real art trap, bro.

‐Art trapping? ‐Art trapping.

‐What does that mean to you? ‐

When you've got a group of individuals that wanna do the same thing

and it so happens that all y'all do art.

Whether it's music...

...you know, just graphics,

‐or whatever the case may be... ‐Yeah.

...and y'all just come together

and figure out how to trap it.

‐Okay. Yeah. ‐You feel me?

It's literally like selling dope.

But you're not selling dope. You're selling dope as art.

I got your painting!

and, this is, like, paint on the floor.

‐You could see how I get down in here. ‐Yeah.

And when I was growing up as a kid,

bad shit happened in this living room.

‐ ‐Bad shit happened in that kitchen.

So, when I had a chance to buy this house,

I was like, "I'm gonna take it back."

‐and I'm gonna‐‐ ‐Make good shit.

I'm gonna change the energy of this place.

Carol City was, like, the complete reality check for me.

I was actually in the environment that I didn't‐‐

‐That I was trying to escape in the first place. ‐Mm‐hmm.

So, being kicked back into the environment

you was trying to get away from

makes you think of more ways to get out.

Get out...

The kid from Toronto in 1990

who says, "Hey, I'm moving to New York. I don't know anybody"

‐because I want to be an actor. ‐

‐What do you mean? ‐You know, my dad was a businessman.

And my mom was a mom.

And what do they think about you as an artist?

‐Um‐‐ ‐Like, you made a living through, like‐‐

I said to my dad, "Who knew that goofing off would pay off so well?"

‐And what did he say? ‐He said, "Yeah, you're right."

Most fathers aren't in their kids' lives,

usually, when kids' parents separate.

My parents separated at this time.

‐Okay. ‐And my mom had to give me a choice to‐‐

whether go with her or go with my father.

‐I feel like my dad understands me more. ‐Hmm.

‐So, I stayed with my father. ‐So, he really was like your best friend.

Yeah, my dad was really my dude.

He was like, "Yo, look. Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna keep the house clean.

Clean up your room every morning.

Make sure your room's clean before you even go to school.

You wake up at six. I have to wake up at six.

I gotta go to work. You gotta go to school.

You get good grades. You come home.

You do whatever, long as you in before the streetlights come on."

When it came down to that, I was just doing‐‐

You know, rapping was a hobby.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Like, I liked writing for fun.

Poems, I loved doing for fun.

Like, rapping with my friends in a room,

and rapping in a den with me and my brothers.

And then my brother went to college.

And my other brother was doing backyard fighting,

but he was living somewhere else, and my other brother was‐‐

He had to take care of a kid, you know?

So, I was just making music in my den.

I stumbled across‐‐ This was when I started getting into

Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All,

and I was getting into

‐SpaceGhostPurrp, A$AP Rocky, and all these guys. ‐Awesome.

SpaceGhostPurrp is the reason why I'm here.

‐Like, one of the reasons why I'm here. ‐Mm‐hmm.

Because that was the first guy who believed in me.

And it so happens, he used to stay down the street from me.

What did it feel like

for this guy to believe in you?

To be like, "I hear something in you."

It was wild, 'cause I didn't expect it.

When the neighborhood, they just thought I was a nerd.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Like, I was just a geek, man.

Man, it was like, "Man, that nigga can't rap.

‐What are you talking about?" ‐Yeah.

And I knew I could rap.

‐I was like, "Man, I'm fire." ‐You knew it?

I knew it. Everybody else didn't.

‐Except him, and I was like, "Yo. ‐Right.

‐What the hell? Like... ‐Mm‐hmm.

‐...this one dude believes in it." ‐Right.

I was about 16.

I was in Toronto. I was downtown.

Bear with me, man.

tapered, green, like, Dickies pants, Chuck Taylors.

A University of Florida, that said "Gators", T‐shirt.

And then I had, like, a red bandana on, and I'm smoking a cigarette.

I look like I'm nine.

Two guys and a girl, college students,

‐come walking towards me. ‐Okay.

The one guy closest to me

doesn't break his‐‐his, um, stride or anything,

and just goes, "'Sup, cool guy."

And keeps walking. And I just, like‐‐

shrivel. My fucking‐‐

I shit my spine out.

I feel like a fucking loser.

‐Wow. ‐'Cause he just goes, "'Sup, cool guy."

‐He breaks down my whole thing like that. ‐Wow. Yeah.

Huge impact on me, on a lot of levels.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Don't take myself too seriously.

Maybe you're not as cool as you think you are.

‐Right! Right. ‐Maybe you're not as good‐‐ All that kind of stuff.

‐'Sup, cool guy? ‐Not much.

What's up with you, loser?

Hey, uh, that's not cool, man. That hurt.

‐So? ‐Like, you don't know me.

Like, did you just call me a loser?

Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Yes, I didn't mean‐‐

‐Can I‐‐ Can I tell you something? ‐Okay.

I really thought you were a cool guy.

I'm not trying to be sarcastic.

‐ ‐I, of course, don't think you're a loser.

You're walking‐‐ You have two friends.

I was playing along with you.

No, that wasn't‐‐ I wasn't being honest.

‐You thought I was a loser? ‐But that's‐‐ Wow!

‐Because when you said‐‐ ‐Dave!

Can I call you "David"?

You can call me whatever you want.

That was fuckin' dope.

So, you were just a kid. And, like, it's all...

It must've been very exciting. You're being accepted.

‐Yeah, I was‐‐ ‐You were being praised for your talents.

I was finally accepted into something,

‐not knowing how big it was gonna be. ‐Mm‐hmm.

He was like, "Bro, give 'em that funk.

Give 'em that‐‐ that hatred.

You have a lot of pain in your heart.

‐You have a lot of darkness in you. ‐Get it out.

‐ There's a dragon in you. ‐Yeah.

Release that shit."

‐And then, I started snapping. ‐Whoa.

When I started snapping,

that's when everybody started to come in.

My mom does this thing where she's, like,

I know that she's happy for me and for success...

Who's gonna do that? Only David.

...in that, she talks about me with other people in Toronto,

people talk... but with me,

she feels like it's her obligation

to keep me down to earth.

But then I know that, like,

with other people I'll hear‐‐

They'll be like, "Oh, my God, your mom is so proud." I'm like, "Really?"

Only David.

I hear the anger in the music.

It's angry, but I feel hope.

I‐‐I feel like you haven't even touched the surface of where you can go.

And for me, as an artist,

the danger for me, when I speak is, like,

now it's literal, right?

It's like, "Oh, he said that, and this and that."

‐So, "He actually did mean that." ‐Right.

Me, I just be like...

‐It's on you. I just made it. ‐Yeah.

‐It's up to you. ‐Right.

That's your perception.

I can't give you my perception of it.

'Cause if it's my perception,

I've just jaded your whole thought process

of what you think my art is about.

‐I‐‐I watched your new show. ‐Yeah.

‐Let me set the stage for you. ‐Okay.

I'm watching it in a room full of Koreans.

Perfect. That's my perfect demo.

They were watching, uh, Terrace House.

‐And then, the show ends. ‐Yeah.

And one of them looks at me and says,

"So, that's what Kevin Costner's up to now."

I go, "You think that's Kevin Costner?"

‐"I go, you don't know who Will Arnett is? ‐Yeah.

Voice of Batman, BoJack Horseman, Arrested Development?"

They go, "No. That's Kevin Costner."

Now I'm getting mad at the Koreans.

‐Yeah. ‐I'm like, "That's not Kevin Costner."

What is the feeling

of being mistaken for someone else?

Or, "Hey, all white people look the same."

First thing I hear‐‐

The only thing I really take umbrage with is

the fact that Kevin Costner

is like 65 or 70.

‐ ‐That's all I‐‐ That's where my head's at.

But he's like a sex symbol.

Like, you're being mistaken at least for‐‐

Agreed. The idea of somebody thinking that I‐‐

that I could be Kevin Costner,

it doesn't hit me as hard because

‐that's just not been my experience. ‐Mmm.

But, if it was something that was my experience all the time,

I could see that that would be like,

"Hey, man. What the fuck?"

‐Any third world country I go to... ‐Yeah.

...I'm‐‐ I can either‐‐

I'm either gonna be Bruce Lee,

who's been dead for 20, 30 years.

Or Jackie Chan.

Hey, there goes Jackie Chan!

Or, like, whoever the, you know‐‐

It's usually just Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan.

Hey, man! What you doing, man?

Don't kill me!

‐

I'm, uh, Chong Sawyer.

You're Huckleberry Chink.

When I was, um, staying at Koreatown, man,

I kind of had to reevaluate myself

and my life and who I wanted to be.

'Cause I was 22. Twenty‐two was that age

I was gonna either be this type of person or this type of person.

'Cause that's the duality stage, right?

So, I was like‐‐ That always stuck with me.

I was, like, "Twenty‐two. I'm not 21 anymore.

‐At 21, I was just having fun, but 22, this is serious." ‐Right.

Like, 'cause when I hit 23, that's it.

That's who you're gonna be.

And then I was just like, "Fuck that, dude.

I don't wanna be a fuck‐up at 23."

Mmm. Do you believe that still?

That at 23, that's‐‐ That's like who‐‐

Twenty‐three is that golden age.

‐At 25, it's like you're at self‐mastery. ‐Mmm.

And then, when you hit your 30s,

It's like you're riding a bicycle.

What‐‐what's happening right now?

‐Because you've made a wall, a rainbow wall. ‐Yeah. Yeah.

I like that. That's beautiful.

Well, it's interesting that what you made is a colorful rainbow

and I made a... a brown rainbow.

‐ ‐Let me tell you

how my Google search goes, okay?

So, I type in "Denzel Curry"

and then I go, "Gook"?!

This guy has a song called "Gook"?

So, I go, click. I gotta hear this song.

And it's like, "I'm a gook, I'm a gook."

And I'm like, "What?

This is fucking crazy."

‐I'll‐‐I'll let you explain. ‐Look.

‐In Florida‐‐ ‐Yeah.

You know how the term‐‐

‐Y'all use that for your n‐word, right? ‐Yeah.

‐That's like the Asian n‐word. ‐Yeah.

For us, they used to degrade us by calling us that.

You could be black and still be a gook.

‐So, gook was like‐‐ ‐Was a derogatory term towards us.

‐Right. ‐So, when I say, "I'm a gook‐‐"

‐Right. ‐Cause, like, one day, like Rob called me a gook.

‐ ‐This nigga named Fat Nick called me a gook.

‐ ‐Right.

‐Then, this girl named Hannah called me a gook. ‐

And I was like, "I'm a gook because I'm being myself?!"

‐Mmm. ‐Man, fuck that!

I'm a gook, fuck it.

And I just took it, ran with it,

and made that song.

‐I love that. ‐And ever since then,

like, years later, kids come up to me, like,

"Man, ever since you came out with that song,

I took it, embraced it and became that.

And now, everybody knows, it's like the cool thing to be."

Where do you wanna put your brother?

‐I'm gonna put him right here. ‐Alright.

Get him in there.

He's a liar. He's a lover.

He is strong. He is weak.

Now, at six, a final farewell.

The family of a south Florida man,

27 year old Treon Johnson, died last month.

This, after witnesses say police used physical force,

pepper spray and a taser to restrain him

during an altercation.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your brother.

Um, how have you been dealing with that?

Or, how do you deal with that?

My brother pops into my dreams.

‐He talks to you? ‐Yeah. Definitely.

I feel like he's with me right now, actually.

‐What does he say to you? ‐When he's in my dreams,

it's like, he cracks jokes and pops in here and now and then.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐And I get a good image of how he is,

and where he's at, and where we're at.

And then, out in public, it's just that, like,

‐"What would my brother think about this?" ‐Mmm.

You know, if I were to do it.

When you think of

the people that hurt your brother,

‐what color is that? ‐Red.

‐No, no, no, no. Purple. ‐Purple.

Do you have, uh, any feelings

around the way he died and‐‐

‐I have a lot of feelings around the way he died. ‐Like what?

‐What would that‐‐ ‐Police brutality.

Learning how to deal with mental health.

‐Did you ever get an apology or‐‐ ‐Fuck, no.

Hell, no. I didn't get no apology.

The department has said there is no obvious or clear cause

‐for his death. ‐

I‐‐I felt, um...

a lot of fear

watching your show.

Like, I'm being honest with you.

I couldn't, like, really allow myself to quite enjoy it

‐because... I'm an addict. ‐Yeah.

And I'm an out‐of‐control addict, you know.

And I take things so far.

'Cause there's a huge part of myself

that I just don't like myself.

When I was four,

my parents, they didn't have any money.

And so, my grandfather said,

"Hey, you're not gonna be able to raise three kids with what you're making.

Like, send one of them." So, they sent me away.

My parents are crying, but I don't know why they're crying.

And I'm on a plane to another country where I don't speak the language.

And that energy stayed with me for the rest of my life.

'Cause it doesn't matter what you do.

It doesn't matter if you get straight As.

It doesn't matter if you're four

or if you're 30 years old or...

There's a feeling

that at any point

you could get sent away.

I'm almost positive I got sexually abused

while I‐‐while I lived out there.

I don't have any details, but it's like... like a feeling.

You know, very, like, dark.

Like someone doing something that I don't want, you know.

So, the way I translate all this information is,

"You got punished for being good,

and if you don't have enough money,

then bad things will happen."

And, when I act like an asshole,

what happens? I get rewarded.

MAN & ♪ A whole new world ♪

For ten years, from 30 to 40,

I fucked three to seven women a day.

Whoo!

I was watching four to eight hours of porn a day.

CDs or streaming?

‐Everything. ‐Copy that.

I was like, this is like‐‐ I'm just using women.

And I was like, "It's okay because they're letting me use them

and we're using each other."

‐Do I wanna what? ‐ Bargain for me.

‐Too much energies being meshed together. ‐

I've been watching porn my entire life.

And for it to just stop all of a sudden,

I went through‐‐ I had withdrawal symptoms.

I‐‐I‐‐ It was crazy.

But I relapsed.

It would've looked exactly the same

as someone shooting up heroin.

It was like this.

And then I went right into "You're a human piece of shit."

"You made a commitment not to live this kind of life anymore.

You said you would never do that anymore."

I've been there. I fuckin'‐‐ I‐‐

Sometimes I feel like I wanna kill myself.

The childhood trauma

mixed with what I was doing,

mixed with lying,

mixed with working,

also happened to weigh down on me.

Two bowling balls was on my shoulder,

and I'm like this.

Called my manager and I was like, "Yo.

I feel suicidal. I don't know why."

I needed help really bad

'cause I didn't want to live this way.

Get it out. Get it out.

‐If it wasn't for the girl I'm with now... ‐Yeah.

...calming me down, you know.

I don't know. I'd probably be dead right now.

♪ I surrender ♪

Denzel's a gook.

He is a dork.

He is a geek.

He is a liar.

He is a lover.

He is strong.

He is weak.

♪ I surrender ♪

I think that's really what

all I wanted, was just somebody to be my rock.

‐it's as big a deal as you wanna make it. ‐Mmm.

‐You didn't burn your life down. ‐No.

There's a certain element of control, as a human being,

that you wanna feel like you have over your life,

over your decisions and things that you do. And so, you've‐‐

You're living your life a certain way, but then there's that part of you

that creeps in that says, "Well, I can do whatever I want.

‐Why am I blah‐blah‐blah?" ‐Yeah.

And so, you get off a little bit.

‐That's what happened. ‐Then, that's what happens.

You get off from the cut, and then you get off.

Literally. I mean, Pizza Man makes jokes,

but the point is,

in the moment, you thought, "Yeah, that feels okay. Why do I still do it?"

But the way that you feel now, the only question you have to ask yourself is,

"How does it make you feel now?"

That‐‐ Everything you just said is dead on.

Like, I feel like...

"Yeah, dude. I should be able to do‐‐"

Doing it today, okay.

Doing it tomorrow, okay.

But you know where that goes. You know that feeling.

That feeling of shame is a‐‐is an old friend.

That's exactly‐‐ That's what it felt like,

an old friend saying, "Hey, what's up, Dave? Remember me?

‐Yeah. Yeah. ‐You forgot about me?"

When I get a true understanding

of, like, why...

it's 'cause I'm hurt.

Someone did something to me.

I didn't know what to do with that.

So, I became that, but I don't always have to be that.

You gotta recognize that that's a great step.

That that's a good instinct.

That addiction, that still is there.

It doesn't go away.

But you want it to atrophy.

What you want to get stronger is the instinct

to call yourself out on it.

To talk about it.

That's what you wanna give strength to.

Because that's who you are now.

You said you were sexually abused at four.

I was sexually abused at five.

So, what common number

do we both have in common?

‐Four. ‐No.

Three.

The reason why "three" is,

that was the age before anything‐‐

‐any of that shit happened. ‐Mmm.

‐Before we even had to experience that bullshit. ‐Do you remember life at three?

No. But you have to nurture that life at three.

Because that's probably when you was your happiest...

‐Yeah. ‐...before anything happened.

‐So, you have to take something... ‐Mm‐hmm.

...put it close to your heart

and nurture that child.

Let's go, throw!

I feel like nobody's really good and nobody's necessarily evil.

‐Right. ‐It's just that we're all complex.

Yeah!

Embrace it! Now that's a masterpiece!

I experience so much joy in my life,

‐on a day‐to‐day basis now. ‐That's great.

I'm really fortunate. I'm really blessed that I am

really happy a lot of the time.

I want people to remember me as, like,

the person who wasn't afraid to be him at all costs.

I don't even want to have a funeral.

I want to be cremated, and I want y'all to celebrate.

Enjoy how I lived.

Don't remember how I died.

I spend most of my time just thinking about

my kids, hanging with my kids,

doing‐‐doing the stuff that I do

with my deal with my guys on the westside.

‐Yeah. ‐Doing all‐‐ That's it. That's‐‐

‐That's how I measure my... ‐Mm‐hmm.

...life now.

So, can you tell me who is Denzel

if I ask you, "Who is Denzel today?"

I don't know.

‐I can't tell you who Denzel is. ‐Hmm.

‐Like, I'm just being a Denzel. ‐Right.

I just gotta continue being Denzel.

‐Yeah. ‐'Cause you never know, I could be this Denzel today,

‐but another Denzel tomorrow. ‐Right.

If anything, I'm just. Just that word, "just."

‐This part? ‐Mm‐hmm.