Original subtitles

Thank you.

You see?

You see the symbolism of it? Capital and labor destroy each other. It teaches a

lesson, a moral lesson. It has social significance. Who wants to see that kind

of stuff?

It gives me the creeps. Tell them how long it played in the music hall. It was

held over a fifth week. Who goes to the music hall?

Communists. Communists? This picture's an answer to communism.

It shows we're awake and not dunking our heads in the sand like a bunch of

ostriches. I want this picture to be a commentary on modern conditions, stark

realism, the problems that confront the average man.

But with a little sex. A little, but I don't want to stress it. I want this

picture to be a document. I want to hold a mirror up to life. I want this to be a

picture of dignity, a true canvas of the suffering of humanity.

But with a little sex.

With a little sex in it. How about a nice musical?

How can you talk about musicals at a time like this with a world committing

suicide, with corpses piling up in the street?

with grim death gargling at you from every corner with people slaughtered

like sheep. Maybe they'd like to forget that. Then why do they hold this one

over for a fifth week at the music hall? For the ushers? It died in Pittsburgh.

Like a dog. What do they know in Pittsburgh? They know what they like. If

they knew what they liked, they wouldn't live in Pittsburgh.

That's no argument.

If you panned it to the public, you'd still be in the horse age. You think

we're not? Look at Hopalong Care. You look at them. We'd still be making

keystone chases, bathing beauties, custard pie operas. And a fortune.

Fortune. Of course, I'm just a minor employee here, Mr. LeBran. He's starting

that one again.

I wanted to make you something outstanding.

Something you could be proud of. Something that would realize the

potentialities of film as the sociological and artistic medium that it

is. With a little sex in it. Something like that. Something like Capra. I know.

What's the matter with Capra? Look, you want to make your brother wear a hat,

though? Yes.

Now, wait a minute. Then go ahead and make it. What you're getting, I can't

afford to argue with you. That's a fine way to start a man out on a million

-dollar production. You want it, you've got it.

I can take it in the chin. I've taken it before.

Not from me, you haven't. Not from you, Sully, that's true. Not with pictures

like So Long, Sauron, Hey, Hey and the Hayloft, Ants and Your Plants of 1939,

but they weren't about traps and lockouts, sweatshops, people eating

garbage in alleys and living in piano boxes and ash cans and... Aunt Foy.

They're about nice, clean young people who fell in love with laughter and music

and legs. Now take that scene in Hey, Hey and the Hayloft. But you don't

realize conditions have changed.

There isn't any work, there isn't any food. These are troublous times.

What do you know about trouble?

What do I know about trouble? Yes, what do you know about trouble? What do you

mean, what do I know about trouble? Just what I'm saying. You want to make a

picture about garbage cans. What do you know about garbage cans?

When did you eat your last meal out of one? What's that got to do with it? He's

asking you.

You want to make an epic about misery. You want to show hungry people sleeping

in doorways. With newspapers around them. You want to grind 10,000 feet of

hard luck. And all I'm asking you is, what do you know about hard luck? Yes.

What do you mean, what do I know about hard luck? Don't you think I've... What?

You have not.

I sold newspapers till I was 20. Then I worked in a shoe store and put myself

through law school at night.

Where were you at 20? Well, I was in college. When I was 13, I supported

three sisters and two brothers and a widowed mother. Where were you at 13? I

was in boarding school. I'm sorry.

Well, you don't have to be ashamed of it, Sully.

That's the reason your pictures have been so light, so cheerful, so

inspiring. They don't stink with messages. That's why I paid you 500 a

week when you were 24.

750 when you were 25.

1,000 when you were 26. When I was 26, I was getting 18.

2,000 when you were 27. I was getting 25 then. I just opened my shooting gun. 3

,000 after thanks for yesterday. 4,000 after answering your plan. I suppose

you're trying to tell me I don't know what trouble is. Yes. In a nice way,

Sully. You're absolutely right.

I haven't any idea what it is. People always like what they don't know

anything about.

Certainly had a lot of nerve wanting to make a picture about human suffering.

You're a gentleman to admit it, Sully. But then you are anyway.

How about making ants in your plants of 1941?

You can have Bob Hope, Mary Martin. Maybe Bing Crosby. The avid dancers.

Maybe Jack Benny and Rochester. A big-name band.

What? Oh, no. I want to make O Brother Where Art Thou. But I'll tell you what

I'm going to do first.

I'm going down to the wardrobe and get some old clothes, some old shoes.

And I'm going to start out with 10 cents in my pocket. What? I don't know where

I'm going, but I'm not coming back till I know what trouble is. What?

Don't worry, you can take me off salary. Who's talking about taking you off

salary? So long, and thanks for the idea. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Don't be so impulsive. How soon will you be back? I don't know. Maybe a week,

maybe a month, maybe a year. Don't worry about me, and thanks, Dracula. You gave

me a great idea.

I gave you... Now look what you've done. Yeah.

What I've done? With your lies about selling newspapers. I sold as many

newspapers as you supported a family of 13.

I opened a shooting gallery, didn't I? With money you borrowed from your uncle.

We better insure him for a million. He's worth more.

The bonehead. Yes, but what a genius.

Get me a copy of that old brother where art thou.

I guess I'll have to read it now.

Make that two copies. Why should I suffer alone?

How's this one?

Isn't that overdoing it a bit, sir?

Why break their hearts?

All right, well, let's try that one again.

I think this one's sufficiently seedy, sir.

There's no use overplaying it, is there, sir?

Yes?

Your wife is on one, sir. What does she want? I was talking to Burroughs, sir,

but I suspect it has something to do with today's being the 15th.

Payday. All right, put her on. You may connect, Mrs. Sullivan.

Yes? You don't happen to remember what day this is, do you, dear?

Yes, I happen to remember what day it is. No, I haven't forgotten anything.

Have you?

Well, perhaps I could be a little bit more polite, Mrs. Sullivan, but somehow

when I talk to you, I don't feel polite. I regret it, but that's the way it is.

I don't know whether I signed it or not. I always close my eyes when I sign your

check. Maybe I signed the blotter.

Have you made out the panther woman's check yet?

Well, you better get it down to her before she comes up here with the

sheriff. She has a very peculiar sense of humor.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Burroughs.

How do you like it? I don't like it at all, sir.

Fancy dress, I take it. What's the matter with it? I have never been

sympathetic to the caricaturing of the poor and needy, sir. Who's caricaturing?

Burroughs doesn't know about the expedition, sir. I'm going out on the

road to find out what it's like to be poor and needy, and then I'm going to

make a picture about it. If you'll permit me to say so, sir, the subject is

not an interesting one.

The poor know all about poverty, and only the morbid rich would find the

topic glamorous.

But I'm doing it for the poor, don't you understand? I doubt if they would

appreciate it, sir. They rather resent the invasion of their privacy, I

believe, quite properly, sir. Also, such excursions can be extremely dangerous,

sir. I worked for a gentleman once, who likewise, with two friends, accoutred

themselves as you have, sir, and then went out for a lark.

They have not been heard from since.

That was some time ago.

1912, sir. Uh-huh.

You see, sir...

Rich people and theorists, who are usually rich people, think of poverty in

the negative, as the lack of riches, as disease might be called the lack of

health. But it isn't, sir.

Poverty is not the lack of anything, but a positive plague, virulent in itself,

contagious as cholera, with filth, criminality, vice and despair as only a

few of its symptoms.

It is to be stayed away from, even for purposes of study.

It is to be shunned.

Well, you seem to have made quite a study of it.

Quite unwillingly, sir.

Will that be all, sir?

Thanks. Very good, sir.

He gets a little bit gruesome every once in a while.

Always reading books, sir.

Oh.

As a matter of fact, sir, I don't like the idea of a gentleman of your

inexperience leaving with only ten cents in his pockets.

So I took the extreme liberty, sir, of having a studio identification card

sewed into the sole of each of your boots.

You'd think I was a child or something. The whole purpose of this expedition...

Good morning, sir.

All right, all right, all right. But before you all get started, I just want

to tell you one thing. My mind is made up. But nobody's here to argue. I know.

You know that your slightest wish... We've talked it all over, and there's

something to the idea at that. There's a great deal to it. It's a pip. It's

stupendous. Cassie has it all worked out. It's as safe as a church, as big as

a cathedral. Bigger. It's the story of the year, Sully. It'll make the front

page of every newspaper in the country. I'm sending five of my boys... With me

in charge. An advance agent in front and a follow-up behind.

A cook and a still man. I want lots of 8x10s. Now, listen. I'm revamping that

lovely lanyard that DeMille used in Northwest Mountain. It follows you at a

discreet distance. Hot coffee, sandwiches, and a little bar in the

back. It's connected to the studio by shortwave, and it also carries... A hot

shower and a secretary.

And a physician.

Look, I'm trying to find trouble, but I won't find it with six acts of

vaudeville on my tail, at least not the kind I'm looking for. Be reasonable,

Sully. I'm reupholstering it from stem to stern. What do you say? I tell you

I've made up my mind. Definitely? Definitely. In that case, there's

nothing else to do... You said it. ...but serve you with this little

summons to appear and show cause why you should not be restrained from

jeopardizing your unique and extraordinary services by willfully,

recklessly, unnecessarily... Will you please wait a minute?

We have all day, Sully, but you must realize we also have minds also made up.

Thus begins this remarkable expedition into the valley of the shadow of

adversity. The shadow of the what? The valley of the shadow of adversity. It's

what you call a paraphrase. Alone and unattended. Late stooges. I'll write the

story that's just the same to you.

prey to passing prowlers, poverty, and policemen. How poetic.

With only 10 cents in his pocket.

I wish I had what he's got in the bank. John Lloyd Sullivan, the caliph of

comedy. Departed Hollywood at 4 o'clock this morning. Yes, sir.

Can I sell you another stack, Doctor?

Get me some bicarbonate of soda and don't call me Doctor. He was talking to

me, I think. No thank you. You say you don't want no bicarbonate of soda,

Doctor? Don't call me Doctor.

No, I don't want any bicarbonate of soda.

Well, he don't.

This place is very depressing.

So is the breakfast.

Why doesn't he read a book if he wants to learn something?

Oh, the cook?

He can learn plenty.

No, Sullivan.

Maybe he don't know how to read.

The cook?

Know that this is going to be a great trip.

Sorry, I must have the wrong number.

That was the lighthouse keeper on San Clemente Island.

Ask him what his daughter's doing.

I said the lighthouse keeper on San Clemente Island.

How about a little gin rummy?

I don't drink, thank you. Never touch it.

Get in, chum!

turn what can a whippet tank whoop a side road a whippet tank can go anywhere

hang on

Major, this is where I get out. She's some tank, ain't she? In the class by

herself, I never felt anything like it. Well, I guess I better be getting to

school now anyway. Yeah, I guess you better have.

Drive carefully. You know me.

By the way, how old are you?

Thirteen. So long.

What a future.

What are you chasing, a jackrabbit?

Felt more like a kangaroo.

There he is.

Well, how'd you like it?

That was a dirty trick, boss.

Look, that was just a rough idea unless you play ball with me. Now, you know I

can't do what I started out to do with you guys chasing me around, so I'll make

you a fair proposition.

You go on wherever you like and take it easy for a couple of weeks, and I'll

join you then or sooner.

If the boss wants to talk to me, I'm just up ahead mooching a lunch from a

farmer's wife. Now, is that a square proposition or isn't it? Well, I always

wanted to go to Boulder Dam.

You're there.

Yeah, well, if you think I'm gonna look at Boulder Dam... How about National

Yellow Park?

That goes double for National Yellow Park.

Now, if you'd said Las Vegas... What do they do in Las Vegas?

Everything, Doctor.

It's an education.

All right, I'll meet you in Las Vegas on or about the 1st. And thanks, kids.

Thanks sincerely.

Yes, ma'am?

Don't get too tired.

Yes, ma'am.

First day's work.

You don't suppose you're overworking him, do you? Oh, but I doubt it. He

seems very strong.

Did you notice his torso?

I noticed it. You noticed it. Don't be vindictive, dear.

Some people are just naturally more sensitive to some things in life than

some people.

Some are blind to beauty while others, even as a little girl, you were more of

the acid type, dear, while I, if you will remember... I remember better than

you do. Well, forget it.

And furthermore, I have never done anything that I was ashamed of, Ursula.

Neither have I.

Yes, dear, but nobody ever asked you to.

Why, Zephyr Coyne... And now that you've had your attack for the day, let's

endeavor to recapture our good humor and remember our reading.

Bologna. Yes.

Oh, I do hope he'll like it here. It's so hard to keep a man.

Do you know what I need?

Yes. I need a permanent.

I was thinking of taking in a picture show which brings up the problem of

clothes for the young man. It certainly does.

Do you think dear Joseph would mind if we gave him some of the clothes he has

so little need for now?

Well, he's never minded before.

Yes, ma'am. And don't let the skeeters bite.

Yes, ma'am. You sure you have everything you want? Yes, ma'am. Absolutely sure?

Positive. Oh, but your bed isn't open. Oh, that's all right. I'll take care of

that. Oh, nonsense. That's woman's work. For men must work and women must weep,

or however it goes.

There.

Would you like a hot water bottle? No, ma'am.

Oh, you haven't any pidgeys? I never use them. Oh, Joseph wore a nightgown. Is

that a fact? Oh, yes.

Well, I guess there's nothing else. No, I guess not.

Oh, I'll let you know as soon as the bathroom is free. It's community.

Ah. Well, good night.

Good night.

Do you think he'll stay?

I do, do hope so.

Thank you.

Hey, if you give me a lift, I'm freezing to death. What'd you fall into?

Everything there was.

Okay, hop in the back.

Here, drape this around you. Thanks a million, buddy.

Okay.

Come on, buddy, wake up.

That's as far as I go. Huh?

Who are you?

Come on, wake up. I don't want the boss to see you. We ain't supposed to give no

lifts. Sure, thanks a lot.

Hey, what city is this? That's Hollywood.

Hollywood. You'll get a chance to see them own bitchy stars. Well, so long.

Good morning.

Morning.

Give me a cup of coffee and a...

Donut. That's enough for it.

You want it plain or with powdered sugar?

Oh, a little cream.

The sinker?

Oh, just any kind. There are some rolls. I don't care.

Yes, sir.

Give him some ham and eggs.

Yes, ma'am.

That's very kind of you, sister, but I'm not hungry.

A cup of coffee and a sinker will fix me up fine.

Don't be a sucker.

Give him some ham and eggs.

The way I'm fixed, 35 cents isn't going to make any difference.

Here. Thanks.

Things a little tough, huh?

Wouldn't be sitting in an owl wagon for local color.

They locked me out of my room.

That's too bad.

Well, things are tough everywhere.

War in Europe, strikes over here. There's no work, there's no food. Drink

your coffee while it's hot.

What'd they lock you out of your room for?

Did I ask you any questions?

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

You been in Hollywood long?

Long enough.

Trying to crash the movies or something?

Something like that.

I guess that's pretty hard to do. I guess so. I never got close enough to

find out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Say, who's being sorry for who? Am I buying you the eggs or are you buying me

the eggs? I'd just like to repay you for them. All right. Give me a letter of

introduction to Lubitsch. I might be able to do that, too. Who's Lubitsch?

Drink your coffee.

Good luck.

What'd you say?

I said, can you act? Sure I can act. Would you like me to give you a

recitation? Go ahead.

Skip it.

My next act will be an impersonation of a young lady going home. On the thumb.

In that outfit?

How about your own outfit?

I mean, haven't you got a car?

No, have you?

No, but... Then don't get ritzy.

And I'll tell you some other things I haven't got.

I haven't got a yacht or a pearl necklace or a fur coat or a country seat

or even a winter seat.

I could use a new girdle, too.

I wish I could give you some of the things you need.

You wouldn't be trying to lead me astray, would you?

You know, the nice thing about buying food for a man is that you don't have to

laugh at his jokes.

Just think, if you were some big shot like a casting director or something,

I'd be staring into your bridge work saying, Yes, Mr.

Smearcase. No, Mr. Smearcase. Not really, Mr.

Smearcase. Oh, Mr. Smearcase.

That's my knee.

Give Mr.

Smearcase another cup of coffee. Make it two.

Want a piece of pie?

No, thanks, kid.

Why, Mr. Smearcase, aren't you getting a little familiar?

Look.

Look, if you wanted to stay in Hollywood a little longer... Well, I don't want to

stay in Hollywood a little longer. I've used up all my money, all my going

home... Well, I was just going to say, I have a friend that's out of town, and

you might be able to stay at his place for a couple of weeks, and maybe by then

things will break a little better for you. Or he might even be able to help

you a little. No, thanks.

There's no strings to this, kid.

I know you don't know who I am, but... I used to know a few people around here,

and this guy's really out of town. And you know a way in through the window or

something, no? No, I'm pretty sure that in this case... I'm going home, big boy.

I can get a ride out of here in a little while.

I don't like to think of you asking a bunch of thugs for lifts along the

highway. Then don't think about it.

You mean you just get in any car that comes along?

Anything but a Stanley Steamer. My uncle bought one.

That's terrible. You can't tell what kind of a heelers have to be behind the

wheel. All heels are pretty much the same. Look.

Yes, Mr. Smirkes?

This friend of mine, the guy I was telling you about that's out of town.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I borrowed his car.

What is it, a street car?

It's a car.

You just wait here. And now you're just going to get yourself in trouble. I'm

not going to get myself in trouble. I'm just going to repay you for the ham and

eggs. That isn't necessary, big boy.

Someday when your ship comes in, you can buy somebody that's hungry some ham and

eggs, and we'll be all square.

That's fine. Just wait here, and I'll be back before you can say... What was that

big director's name?

Rupich.

Lubitsch. Say, this is some car.

Yes. Now, where would you like to go?

Oh, well, could you drop me off at... Well, maybe that'd be too far.

That depends entirely on where it is.

Would Chicago be too far? Chicago?

You mean Chicago, Illinois?

Yes. I wasn't actually thinking of driving as far as Chicago.

Oh, well, that's all right. You can drop me anywhere. I just happened to think of

Chicago because that's a little better than halfway and I could easily hitch a

ride out of there.

Where do you live?

Bermuda? You don't have to get funny. I didn't ask you for a ride. You can just

drop me anywhere.

Now, wait a minute.

How's this? Suppose you drop me off somewhere, and then you go leisurely

home, and I'll pick up the car later. Now, that's what you call an idea.

You don't happen to operate out of a booby hatch, do you? You better drop me

at the next corner and take this bus back where you stole it from. Don't talk

nonsense. I left a note saying I was taking the car.

Or did I?

It'd be nice if you could remember.

It would be funny, though, if they arrested me for taking it.

Panic? Who does it belong to? Belongs to a picture director, a guy named

Sullivan. Oh.

You never heard of him? No.

He's made quite a few pictures.

Ants in Your Plants in 1939.

Oh, did he do that? Yeah. Did you see it?

Yes. Well, did you like it? Not much.

Some people thought it was pretty good.

I don't care for musicals. They hurt my ears.

I see.

Well, did you like Hey Hey in the Hayloft?

Oh, I was crazy about that.

I thought that would just about fit.

You remember the scene where the two were in the hayloft?

Perfectly. And she made him close his eyes and count three before kissing her?

Yes, yes.

And then the pig came out and he kissed the pig instead?

It was on a very high plane.

Then he fell through a hole and sneezed at a horse. And the horse sneezed back

at him.

Oh, that was a wonderful scene.

Of course, it was stupid, but it was wonderful.

Who directed that picture?

Don't you think with the world in its present condition, with death snarling

at you from every street corner, that people are a little allergic to

comedies? No.

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear.

Say, how come you know a picture director well enough to borrow his car?

Well, as a matter of fact, I used to know most of those boys, but naturally I

don't like to mention it in a suit like this.

As a matter of fact, I used to be a picture director.

Why, you poor kid.

Don't get emotional. I'll be all right.

What kind of pictures did you make? More along educational lines.

No wonder.

There's nothing like a deep dish movie to drive you out from the open. What are

you talking about? Film's the greatest educational medium the world has ever

known. You take a picture like Hold Back Tomorrow.

You hold it.

Did you ever meet Lubitsch?

Yes. Gee, I bet he wouldn't even speak to you now, huh?

He spoke to me day before yesterday.

Oh, isn't that swell?

Funny, isn't it? To meet your first picture director on the day you're

leaving Hollywood. All washed up.

Even a washed-up picture director.

Don't get sympathetic.

I might make a comeback, you know.

That's what they all say.

The man that had the room ahead of me, he was always going to make a comeback.

He was a picture director, too.

Then one day he shot himself instead.

They had to repaper the room.

You wouldn't ever do anything like that, would you, big boy?

Not on your wallpaper.

What do you suppose that is?

Well, whatever it is, there's absolutely nothing they can do. Remember that.

What did you say?

I said there's absolutely nothing they can do.

All right, you. All right, yourself.

Don't give it a thought.

Well?

Oh, good morning, sir. I'm so sorry.

Good morning, sir. Never seen this man before?

That is Mr. Sullivan, sir, the owner of the alleged hot car.

Then what's all the hullabaloo? That's what I'd like to know.

You John L. Sullivan?

What about it? What's your occupation?

Motion picture director.

Is that right?

Yes, sir.

Let me see your driver's license.

I haven't got it. Did you bring it?

No, sir. Driving without a license, huh?

Yes, isn't that terrible? I suppose that calls for a dollar fine and ten minutes

in jail.

You sure this is Sullivan? Oh, quite, sir.

What are you doing in those clothes?

I just paid my income tax.

All right.

But you don't drive that car without a license. Okay.

Let the girl out, too, will you? She's getting bored in there.

How does a girl fit in this picture? There's always a girl in the picture.

Haven't you ever been to the movies?

Where is he taking us now?

Whose car is this? The same guy, Sullivan.

Where is he taking us? Down to the depot to buy you a ticket and send you home.

Stop fooling around.

Who's buying me a ticket?

Sullivan.

Well, what did I ever do for him?

You bought him some eggs.

So you're the washed-up director.

Afraid I exaggerated that part of it a little bit. What are you doing in those

clothes? I just pulled that one down at the police station.

Huh? I made up a joke. Look, I'm not sore at you. I'm sore at those cops from

dragging me all the way back here. No matter where I start out for, I always

end up right back here in Hollywood.

You're a very nice girl, as a matter of fact, and I'm glad to have met you. If

there's ever anything I can do for you, I'd be delighted, honestly.

You mean that?

Sincerely. Then buy me some ham and eggs before I bite you.

Home. Where's the swimming pool? You must have a swimming pool.

Right out here.

Outside dining room, barbecue.

Pretty, isn't it? Yeah.

There's a tennis court up there and a great barber there and a grove there.

Well, I guess that's about all.

What are you looking at me that way for?

Hey, you big fathead. What's the big idea?

That's for your swimming pools and your tennis courts and your limousines and

your barbecues. That's for making fun of a poor girl who only tried to help you,

you big faker. Who made fun of you? You did with your stories of being a washed

-up director, you big clunk.

Oh, I did, did I?

Breakfast is served, sir.

You might have shaved. I need these whiskers for my experiment. Oh, yes, the

noble experiment.

You don't have to make any cracks. I don't suffer and starve because I like

it, you know. Neither does anybody else.

I'm sorry.

It's all right. I'm sorry I pushed you in the water, too. I probably needed it.

You certainly did.

Did I?

I didn't mind you.

As a matter of fact, I had kind of a yen for you.

You have?

Not in that thing. I liked you better as a tramp.

I can't help what kind of people you like.

It's funny.

I suppose I ought to be very happy for you. As if you'd just struck oil or

something. Instead of that, I'm sore.

Well, don't frown. You're making lines in your face.

Taken all the joy out of life.

I was all through with this kind of stuff. I mean, I knew I'd never have it.

But there was no envy in my heart.

I'd found a friend who'd swiped a car to take me home.

Now I'm right back where I started.

Just an extra girl having breakfast with a director. Only I didn't used to have

breakfast with him. Maybe that was my trouble.

Did they ever ask you to?

No. Well, then don't pat yourself on the back.

Take me with you. What?

On your experiment.

I don't want to be sent home. Don't be childish. I'll tell you what I'll do.

You can stay here for a couple of weeks like I told you in the owl wagon. When I

get back, I'll see what I can do for you.

I don't want to start all that stuff again.

Take me with you.

When you get as far as you're going, we can say goodbye and I'll go the rest of

the way alone.

It'll make a nice ending.

And we'll finish what we started this morning. That's absolutely out of the

question. Please.

You don't know anything about anything.

You don't know how to get a meal, you don't know how to keep a secret, and you

can't even stay out of town. Thanks.

I know 50 times as much about trouble as you ever will.

Besides, you owe it to me.

You sort of belong to me.

Well, you're a hobo.

I found you.

Careful. Please.

I tell you, it's absolutely out of the question. I'll throw you in the water.

You take my mind off my work.

Oh, the big director that has all the girls panting for him. I tell you, I...

I'll follow you. I'll tell everybody who you are, like a kid's sister. You follow

me. Yes, I'll follow you and I'll holler, this guy's a phony, ladies and

gentlemen. This is Sullivan, the big director from Hollywood. A phonist,

balonist, a faker, a heel. If I may join in the controversy, sir, I think the

young lady's suggestion an excellent one. Well, you may not join in the

controversy, Mr. Burroughs. I will, I will, I will. I'm going with you. You'll

do nothing of the kind.

Would you get me some tramp clothes, Mr. Burroughs? Certainly, Miss, certainly.

Go down to the station and get me a ticket to... Where do you live? I won't

tell you. I won't be sent home on the ride or I'll... You stop that. Stop

that. Stop that. Grab her feet. Burroughs! Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Certainly, sir.

Now, now, now, Miss.

Now, Miss. Let me go with you. Let me go. I won't be sent home. Stop it.

Please, Miss. Let me go with you.

Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.

Mr.

Burroughs, this way, Mr.

Burroughs. Oh, there we are. Now, now, one, two, three, pull hard.

Hello, information.

Have you any freight trains going east this afternoon or early this evening?

548.

Thank you very much indeed, sir. Oh, and could you tell me, does that train carry

tramps? And if so, where do they get on?

What?

It's on page two.

What did you say?

Tramps! How would you like to take a flyin'? Wise guy.

Yes, sir?

What was that again?

I said I wonder if you'd be kind enough to settle a bet for us. Just a few of us

here at the club.

If a tramp were to board your 548 this afternoon, from where would he board it?

I see, I see, yeah.

But not within the yard limits.

I think that gives me the complete picture.

Thank you very much for your trouble. Oh, and by the way, I win.

Good day.

A different approach to the same problem.

I think this is it, sir.

Why don't you go back with a car? You look about as much like a boy as Mae

West. All right, they'll think I'm your frail. I believe it's called a Beazle,

miss, if memory serves.

Well, goodbye, Burroughs. See you in a couple of weeks. Goodbye, sir. Goodbye,

miss. May I close, sir, by warning you against the entire expedition, which I

envision with deep apprehension and gloomy foreboding.

Thanks. Same to you.

Come on.

We made it.

Amateurs.

Oh, how do you do?

Beautiful weather.

If it doesn't rain.

How do you feel about the labor situation?

Where are you going?

I hope we didn't disturb you.

Very interesting couple.

Yeah.

Do you smell anything?

I certainly do. What's it smell like to you?

Hogs. That's what I was afraid of.

I'm getting hungry.

How can you possibly be hungry when you just ate? I'm not a scientist. All I

know is I'm hungry.

You better tell the porter to close the window. I didn't ask you to come along

in the first place. Now that you're... Don't start baking wisecrack.

Doser.

Blasted drafted here at that.

Where is this train going? I don't know.

Well, how long does it take to get there? I didn't ask you to come along.

I think that's a perfectly reasonable question. Haven't you got enough

imagination to pretend we're broke, hungry, homeless, drifting in despair?

Now let's just sit here and try to feel like a couple of tramps.

Cold? I'll be all right.

It's the desert.

I'll be all right.

As soon as this blasted thing comes to a town someplace, I'll send for a car and

have you taken home.

It's a lot of hokey-malokey. This is a terrible way to travel with a girl.

It's better with a girl than without one. You would have frozen to death.

If I go back, will you go back with me? Dodd says.

Then I won't go back either. You're so simple, you're apt to get in a lot of

trouble. What do you think I'm out here for?

Gee, I like that about you.

You're like those knights of old who used to ride around looking for trouble.

Who was it that rode on a pure white horse?

Lady Godiva.

She must have been a nut. I bet her husband was sore.

Are you jealous?

Why don't you shut up and try to get some sleep?

Will you go to sleep too?

I'll try.

Why don't you try counting the hogs jumping over a hedge?

Listen, short bridges.

Oh, nothing, just me.

What? I sneezed. You what?

I... I sneezed. Oh, you poor dolly. Have you got hay fever? I think it's hog

fever.

Oh, you poor lamb.

I'll be all right, since the sun gets a little warmer.

Are you hungry?

You've got me doing it.

We got any eating money? Ten cents.

Well, can we spend it for breakfast or are you saving it for something? Look,

I've already told you I'll send for a car for you. I can't help it if I'm good

natured. I like to be with you and it puts me in a good humor.

You take lots of girls and you made them sleep in a hogsty all night and then

didn't tell them where their breakfast was coming from the next morning. They

wouldn't take it lying down.

Oh, we'll find some breakfast somewhere.

In some swill pail, I suppose.

Well, what do the other bubs do?

They steal chiggigs.

Chickens. And they roast them over campfires with baked potatoes and green

corn on the cob with melted butter. Shut up.

Where do they get the butter? They steal it. Well, they don't. It isn't as easy

as all that.

There's a lot of suffering in this world that ordinary people don't know anything

about.

Now, what's the matter?

I'm hungry.

Well...

Hey, there's a town up ahead. Let's get off and see what happens.

What town is it? I don't know. I suppose it's Hollywood.

Look, there's a lunch stand.

Come on.

Well, come on. I can't keep running along here all day.

Well, come on.

Did I hurt you any?

Well, you didn't do me any good.

Cup of coffee and cigar for what?

I never eat till noon. It gives me a digestion.

Just make that two coffees. That'll be ten cents.

That's all right.

It's right here someplace.

Holy Moses.

What's the matter?

I must have sped it in that owl wagon.

I'll never get rich. Oh, gee.

You're a little richer than you were.

Hundreds of miles from everything cut off from the world I taste of human

kindness. I'll never forget it as long as I live. What town is this?

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Las Vegas, Nevada.

This is the busy people. Las Vegas?

You mean Las Vegas?

What about it?

Is there a land yacht waiting here?

Land yacht?

You mean that thing?

That's perfectly wonderful, Mr. Sullivan. I rejoice in your experience.

And where does this gentleman live? Just up there by the tracks. Give him $100.

Never buy a new frown. A great human interest story.

It'll probably ruin him. He'll give turkey dinners to every slug that comes

in and never hit the jackpot again.

All right, all right. Buy the kid here a few clothes and meet me in Kansas City,

someplace near the station. I'm going the hard way. So long, gang.

Just a minute, please. Sit down.

But listen, Doc.

You listen.

It's three days in bed, minimum.

This is just a cold shot. You won't even feel it.

You!

I haven't time to spend three days in bed. You'll take the time. You'll get to

Kansas City just as soon. And you can imagine that you went there on your

cow's nuts or whatever you use. What have you got, an imagination?

Rush!

Here's something for you.

What's that? It's Christmas. So long.

the makeup in the medicine cap. Oh, thanks. I didn't use it. You sure can.

Yes, sir, Mr. O'Brien. He's right here in the next right room taking a little

snooze. He looks great. This whole thing is doing him a power of good.

Feel better? No, I'm sore.

Nothing the matter with me but a little fever. Even if I did get sick, they

could have sent me to some free hospital or something, wherever they sent you.

Would have been very interesting.

They give you a nice free burial, too, in Potter's Field. Free burial? Why does

everybody exaggerate everything so much?

I've got a little cold in my head. You take a dose of salts, there you are.

It's because you're a very valuable man. Bourgeois.

You make very lovely pictures.

Fooey. Well, you do.

It's a funny thing, how everything keeps shoving me back to Hollywood or Beverly

Hills.

Or this monstrosity we're riding in. Almost like gravity.

As if some force were saying, get back where you belong.

You don't belong out here in real life, you phony you.

You're a little feverish.

Maybe there's a universal law that says, stay put.

As you are, so shall you remain.

Maybe that's why traps are always in trouble.

They don't vote. They don't pay taxes. They violate the law of nature.

You look very pretty in that outfit.

Maybe that's why they don't want trailer colonies.

Or am I getting a bit profound?

You're getting a bit hot.

Your hand is very cool.

But nothing is going to stop me.

I'm going to find out how it feels to be in trouble.

Without friends. Without credit.

Without checkbook. Without name.

Alone. And I'll go with you.

How could I be alone if you're with me?

Yes, sir, Mr. LeBran. It's all finished. The greatest expedition of modern times.

Almost the greatest sacrifice ever made by human man.

He's the pest master of poverty.

He knows everything.

Now, don't you worry.

He's all washed up except tonight. He's just going through for a quick tour.

He's taking $1,000 and $5 bills, and he's going to hand them out to these

tramps in gratitude for what they've done for him. Now, is that a story?

Does that give you a lump in your throat, or does that give you a lump in

your throat?

No, I was just thinking.

Well, here we are at the end of the adventure.

I'll go down tonight and give him a little money and that winds it up.

Now, what do you want to do?

Do you want to go home or do you want to take another crack at Hollywood?

Well, I'd... With a nice fat letter to Lubitsch. I'd sort of like to go where

you go.

I mean, I'd sort of hope that you'd... Well, I mean that... You'd want us to go

on together a little longer, now that we kind of got used to each other. Of

course I would, if I wasn't married.

Who's married?

Well, didn't you know that? I thought everyone had heard of my misfortune.

Of course I didn't. What do you mean, of course I didn't? As if I'd snatched you

away from your loving grandmother or something.

Are you in love with her? That vulture.

Then why did you marry her? Income tax.

Income tax? It was supposed to save me $24,000 a year. It's what's called a

joint return. It's a California law.

Each one pays half and the total is less than the aggregate surtax or the surtax

is less than the something or other. It was an idea of my business managers.

Well, I think it's disgusting. It wasn't supposed to be romantic. It was supposed

to save me $12,000 a year. But it didn't. Turned out she couldn't live on

$12,000 a year.

Good. Lovely. She had to have $24,000 to live on. Good.

Don't keep saying good all the time or I'll poke you in the nose.

Good.

Now listen.

So I demanded the divorce she promised me. And she told you to go fry an egg.

She said it would break her mother's heart.

Some fine advice your business manager gave you. I found out why. He was

getting half.

And you really can't get a divorce ever?

Never. You can't get a divorce without collusion. And she won't collude.

I guess I ought to go home then.

You could still have that letter to Lubitsch.

Could I still come and push in the pool sometimes?

Of course you could.

I guess that's better than nothing.

There, there, there. My gracious.

Here are the $5 bills, Mr. Sullivan.

Hello, Johnny.

Get me two tickets on the midnight plane.

Two tickets?

Oh, two tickets. Oh, yes, indeed, Mr. Sullivan.

They're pretty, aren't they?

Uh-huh.

You want one?

Yes. Here.

You can have two of them.

We'll be right back.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Did you cancel the plane tickets?

They canceled themselves.

I'm going to give them just 15 minutes more.

And then? I'm sure he's all right.

He probably just got interested in a revival meeting or something and...

Hello?

Yes, Doc.

Not in the hospitals, huh?

Sure, I guess that's all you can do.

Anyway, he didn't have an accident.

He isn't, huh?

Lyle has covered the police stations.

Okay. Well, I guess you can come back now. It's all.

I should have gone with him. I knew he'd get into trouble without me. I told him.

I'm going to give him just 12 minutes more, then I'm going to lay it in

LeBron's lap and let him figure it out. Sully will be awful sore if you raise a

big holler and then... Well, let him be sore. I got a job, too, you know. If

LeBron ever found out... He came back the last time. He didn't have

reservations on the plane or people waiting for him. You don't know him like

I know him. Is that so? I guess I know him better than...

Yeah? Say, I'm down here to the morgue.

They got a guy in a basket. You can't tell who he is. Did the boss have any

identification?

Did he have any identification that you know of?

Well, he had... I think he said he had... Who's that? Have they found him?

Take it easy, will you? We got a check everywhere. What identification did he

have? In the soles of his shoes.

I think there was a card between the soles of his shoes.

Look in the soles of his shoes, between the leather.

He's coming now. I can hear his footsteps.

There's a card here. It's kind of hard to read. It's all splattered.

He's dead?

What do you mean he's dead?

Well, what do you think it means?

Well, what are you sending me on jobs like this for? I've got a good mind to

sue you. Do you think I like it any better than you do?

As a matter of fact, I will sue you. I'll teach you to... Operator.

Operator, I was talking with Kansas City.

You're going to sue me? I suppose I ought to fire the whole bunch of you.

Somehow I don't feel like firing anybody.

Well, there's no use your hanging around here. Get your things together and leave

this afternoon.

I'll fly back.

Yes, sir.

And I'd like you to come with us, my dear.

Jones has explained to me.

You were his last discovery.

His last gift to the world.

He'll take care of you always.

She didn't hear you.

Oh. What's the idea of riding into the yard, Bull? Huh? I said, what's the idea

of riding into the freight yard?

Oh, lay off, will you? I got a good mind to run you in for trespass.

Oh, shut up, you dumb cluck. Can't you see I'm sick?

Come on, get out of here, you dirty rat.

Come on, go on.

Don't do that again.

That's telling him, Bull.

Don't do what again?

Come on.

Come on, get going.

Trespass, resisting arrest, atrocious assault in battery with intent to kill.

Huh? What?

What'd he say?

We object, Your Honor. My client has been injured and denies all knowledge.

Objection overruled. Trespass and resisting arrest.

Object, Your Honor. The man was a railroad employee, not an officer of the

law. Sustained. Trespass and atrocious assault.

Objection, Your Honor. Objection overruled. Get down to business.

Prisoner at the bar.

Prisoner at the bar.

Answer when you're spoken to.

Huh? Do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Huh? Guilty or not guilty to trespass and atrocious assault with a rock upon

the person of the employee of the railroad.

I guess I hit him all right.

The way my hand feels.

I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I'll pay any damages you like.

Sorry. So you still refuse to give your name?

It'll come back to me in a minute. I have such an awful headache.

I'm all mixed up.

We plead guilty, Your Honor, with extenuating circumstances due to

temporary insanity and throw ourselves on the mercy of the court. Huh? What?

What'd he say?

Stand up.

Stand up! Stand up!

Fresno at the bar? These are powerless times and we have no desire to be

severe. Just a minute, I have... Silence!

When confronted with violence and hoodlumism, the court has no

alternative. Since you still refuse to remember your name, but have pleaded

guilty to trespass and atrocious assault, I will be as lenient as my

conscience permits, and will not impose upon you the maximum penalty that your

crimes ordinarily permit.

Richard Rowe, I sentence you to six years at hard labor, as prescribed by

the laws of our sovereign state.

Six years?

What's he talking about? You get off easy.

Oh, wait a minute.

I've got to get to a phone. I have to send a... Come on, come on. Wait a

minute. I'm all mixed up here. Come on, come on.

Mr.

New man.

Hello, Charlie.

Hi, Jake.

Put him in 13.

Just a minute, boys. I won't... Speak when you're spoken to around here.

If you want anything, hold up your arm and wait. Listen, you... You say,

mister, when you're talking to me.

Put him in 13 and find him a bunk. Come on. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Them cost me $16.50.

Another Richard Rowe, eh?

Oh, there seems to be a lot of them.

How's everything up the house, Charlie?

Fine, Jake.

Give my regards to the missus. I'll do that little thing.

out of here take it easy boy listen i'm john l sullivan a hollywood director

somebody slugged me i gotta get out of here hollywood what take it easy you're

gonna lose your privilege no letters no smokes no writing you you you don't want

that listen i want a lawyer you get me to a telephone there's a telephone right

down there can't do things like this to people put them in a pigsty pipe down

will you please before he hears i want a lawyer i demand my right to have a

lawyer did you hear that he demands a lawyer

You starting in again?

You're gonna be here a long time, see?

And you gotta learn, and learn quick.

Chain him in.

No privilege.

Fresh guy.

We're going to the picture show Sunday.

It's good news.

You want to see the picture show Sunday?

We're going to the picture show.

We're going to the picture show Sunday. They asked us over again.

When can I write a letter?

When you get your privilege back. How long will that take?

Oh, that all depends on the mister.

He's all right if you take it nice and quiet.

Well, how long does it take him to make up his mind?

Take it easy, will you? You'll never get it.

Look out!

Who gave you leave to read the paper?

You won't learn, huh? It's about me. I just happened to see it. Shut up!

Turn around.

Turn around!

Put your hands behind you.

Put him in the sweat box.

For how long, mister?

Till I tell you to let him out. Are you going to start now?

No, sir. Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir. Well, then get moving.

Get back to your work. What do you think this is, a vaudeville show?

Tastes good, don't it?

I'll try to get him to let you off early.

I ain't supposed to do this.

You'll be all right.

You got to learn, that's all. It ain't so easy at first, but after a while, you

don't mind.

We ain't so bad off. He ain't bad, according to his lights.

Has to deal with some pretty tough hombres.

Got us chicken last Thanksgiving and some turkey once for Christmas.

And there ain't another mister takes his gang to the picture show.

Maybe, maybe if I ask him, he'll let you go to the picture show Sunday.

Now, wouldn't that be something?

Huh?

Huh?

Let it down easy, Charlie.

Charlie's a little anxious.

Well, brothers and sisters, once again, we're going to have a little

entertainment. I guess I don't have to tell you what it is. The sheet kind of

gives it away.

And once again, brothers and sisters, we're going to share our pleasure with

some neighbors less fortunate than ourselves.

Won't you please clear the first three pews so they may have seats?

And when they get here, I'm going to ask you once more, neither by word, nor by

action, nor by look, to make our guests feel unwelcome, nor draw away from them,

or act high-toned.

For we is all equal in the sight of God. Amen.

And he said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

The chain shall be struck from them. And the lame shall leap.

And the blind shall see.

And glory in the coming of the Lord.

Now let's give our guests a little welcome.

Let my people go.

Oppressed so hard they could not stand.

Let my people go.

Go down, Moses.

You don't suppose this is a gag, do you? He'd have to be a Houdini to get out of

that one. Well, I wouldn't put it past him.

Don't you understand?

I think I'm dead, but I'm not dead.

Well, that's fine.

Just think what a nice surprise they'll have when you get out.

I haven't time to spend six years.

But you were sentenced.

I know that, but I still haven't time.

Well, you'll have to find the time.

Look, they don't sentence picture directors to a place like this for a

little disagreement with a yard bull. Don't they? No. Oh.

Well, maybe you ain't a picture director.

Huh? Maybe that idea just come to you when you got hit on the head.

Maybe. Now, look. We used to have a fellow here once that thought he was

Lindbergh.

He used to fly away every night.

But he was always back in the morning.

Well, don't I look like a picture director?

Of course, I've never seen one.

To me, you look kind of more like a soda jerk. Or maybe a plasterer, maybe.

But... If ever a plot needed a twist, this one does.

Huh?

I gotta get my picture in the paper.

Oh, that would be swell. Then you could paste it over your bunk. What kind of

people get their pictures in the paper?

Ballplayers?

Girls? They take them with their legs crossed. I cut one out once.

She was sitting... No?

Well, when you die, if he was important enough... I've had that.

Murderers? There was a swell picture of a friend of mine.

He was a lodge brother.

They called him the Blowtorch Killer.

That's it.

That's it.

You tell the mister I'm ready to make a full confession.

Now, wait a minute.

Come on. Now, take it easy. There isn't a moment to lose. Now, look. My

conscience has got me. You're going to get yourself in trouble. I want to

confess to the murder of John L. Sullivan. You're going to get yourself

in trouble. I killed John L. Sullivan. Wait a minute. I murdered John L.

Sullivan. I'm telling you, you're doing the wrong thing.

I'm a murderer.

Will you listen to me before somebody? I killed John L. Sullivan.

Don't you understand the man?

You suppose she'll give you a divorce? Give it to me. She'll beg me for it.

Don't you understand? She's got to give me a divorce. Otherwise, it's bigamy,

unfaithfulness, alienation of affections, corpus delicti.

Run such risks!

And then you'll be free.

Then I'll be free.

But not for long, I hope.

Billion copies for just a moment! Gentlemen.

Sully, I just want to tell you that, oh, brother, where art thou is going to be

the greatest tragedy ever made. The world will weep. Humanity will sob.

It'll put Shakespeare back with the shipping noose. Quiet!

Your personal courage, your sacrifice, the lengths through which you went to

sap the bitter dregs of vicissitude, will make old brother where art thou

positively beyond disputed. I'm sorry to disappoint you. You're sorry to

disappoint me? Yes, and I say it with some embarrassment, but I don't want to

make old brother where art thou.

You don't want to make old brother where art thou? No, and I say it with some

embarrassment. I want to make a comedy.

You say it with some embarrassment?

He doesn't want to make old brother where art thou. He wants to make a

comedy. He don't mean that, boss. He's still a little stir-crazy. Oh, yes, I

do. Oh, no, I'm not. You're joking, aren't you, Sully? It's in bad taste,

but it's a joke. No. But it's had more publicity than the Johnstown flood. What

are we going to do with all that publicity?

Oh, brother.

Why don't you want to make old brother where art thou, Sully? Well, in the

first place, I'm too happy to make old brother where art thou.

In the second place, I haven't suffered enough to make old brother where art

thou. You haven't suffered enough?

He hasn't suffered enough. No. But, Sully. I'll tell you something else.

There's a lot to be said for making people laugh.

Did you know that's all some people have?

It isn't much, but it's better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.

Boy.