Original subtitles

Get me a ticket to Tomahawk,

Tomahawk, Tomahawk.

Gonna get me a ticket to Tomahawk,

Tomahawk, Tomahawk Gonna get me a ticket

to Tomahawk, I'll come right away

I got a white and a fortune mustache up

and stick 'em for my hair I sure will be

hoopin' it up as soon as I get there

They've got the best disputes in

Tomahawk, Tomahawk, Tomahawk

Let's make shooting Tomahawk, so the devs

been saved Let

it

go, let it go, let it go, run and get me

a thinker to Tomahawk Tomahawk,

Tomahawk, Tomahawk

This is the Tomahawk and Western

Railroad, built into and over the Rockies

of Colorado, where they said it was

impossible to lay a track and run a

train. But the experts were wrong.

For here's the first train to go out over

the high iron, pulled by engine number

one, the Emma Sweeney, a narrow gauge

10-wheeler of some 33 odd tons.

Engine number one was built in

Philadelphia by the Baldwin Locomotive

Works. She is the latest design, sleek

and modern, and is equipped with a newly

invented air brake. Her kerosene

headlight, which is the personal property

of her engineer, can throw a gleam

25 feet ahead of her.

She is very fast and can attain speeds in

excess of 35 miles per hour.

Yes, it would be safe to say that on

this September day,

1876, she is the

last word.

In 1843, 'twas then I met Sweet Bitty

McGee. An elegant girl, she seemed to be

one working on the rail. An elegant girl,

she seemed to be one working on the rail.

In 1847, Sweet Bitty McGee, she went

to heaven. She had one child, she had 11

while working on the railroad. Had one

child, she had 11 while working on the

rail. Say, does this bother you?

That don't bother me. What makes you so

nervous?I don't want to spoil your ride,

Mr. Jameson. What do you mean?Well,

considering all the people that want

something awful to happen to this

railroad, my opinion, we're going too

fast. What are you talking about?A

railroad helps everybody. Who'd want

something awful to happen to it?Stage

company's going out of business on

account of it.

There was another narrow gauge railroad

just like this one, the Silverton Short

Line. They were going to put a stagecoach

company out of business too. First train

out over the right of way. Everything was

great. Until it got to the bridge over

Devil's Canyon. So?There wasn't any.

Well, if anything was going to happen to

this rail, it would have happened before

this, wouldn't it?How?The train had never

been run before. You mean

that this is the first trip?I do.

You mean I'm the first passenger?You are

the first and only passenger.

We are going too fast.

go

right forward

missed well anyway it'll hold him for a

while you pick him off like ducks Dakota

don't be a fool Dawson said it was

supposed to look accident like

Lori B I hope we didn't put a plan on the

drivers

Everything all right, Mr. Sweeney?All I

got to say is this is mighty quick

country. Not this quick, though. Who's

this?Well, the passenger. Mr. Jameson,

that's Terry Sweeney, the engineer.

Sweeney, pleased to meet you. Meet Sad

Eyes Tatum, smoke agent, fire boy, that

is. You were saying... I was saying, Mr.

Sweeney, that somebody doesn't like your

tea kettle. Don't call Miss Sweeney

a tea kettle. She's the prettiest

ten-wheeler this side of the Rockies.

While she lasts, she is. Meaning what?

Meaning that one rock don't make a

landslide. A lot of smaller stuff

would've come down with her. Now, now,

Mr. Jameson, nothing of the kind. You get

aboard and relax. And I'll walk on to

Epitheft and get some men to push this

pebble off the rails. That's all right,

but I always thought proper etiquette was

for a captain to stay with his ship and a

conductor to stay with his train. So it

is, so it is. But I don't think we're

gonna need any help. I think Miss Sweeney

can push it off by herself. Well, just in

case she can, I'll go on ahead. I'll have

the sheriff send some help. A walk will

do me good.

I'll meet you boys at the Overland

office. Uh, Drankus. Tell the colonel

what happened here. Yeah. Right, Dakota.

Hey! Hey! Hey, you fellas! Grab air. Get

'em up. No offense, fellas. No offense.

Speak your peace, dude. Well, I was on my

way to Epitaph and this train had a lax

in it. Thought you fellas might give me a

hitch. Drummer, eh?Yes,

indeed. Best in the West.

All right, dude. Climb up and shut up.

Thanks very much. But you know, you

shouldn't throw down a scatter gun on a

fella like that. Might get yourself

punctuated. Not when I got the drop.

But you don't got the drop.

Not that I hold with guns. Fella has to

carry one, but I don't hold with them.

Would you mind holding this to me, please?

Thank you. And you too. Thank you. I'll

just jump right up here if you give me a

stirrup.

Uh... Okay. Thank you.

Who's that?Colonel Dodson. He owns the

stagecoach line. Oh. Shut

up!What supplies, fellas?

Howdy! How do you do, friend?My name is

Johnny Jamison, but my friends call me...

Something I can do for you, gentlemen?You

can raise your mitts or I'll cut you off

pocket high. You're Kit Dodge. Kit Dodge?

Who, me?No, I'm Chuckity Jones. Where is

he?Well, Mr. Dodge's in his office there.

He's busy. He's tied up now.

Fellas, if I was you, I wouldn't let Mr.

Dodge catch you hanging around here.

'Cause he can put a bullet through your

butt hole and cool you and never even

touch your shirt.

We'll wait.

Grandpa, don't you pull away from me.

Stop doing that. I'm gonna tie this tie

no matter what. Grandpa, will you sit

still?Oh, it's too tight. Oh,

it is not. I say it's too tight. Come on,

Kit, for heaven's sake, let her tie your

tie. Last message we got said the train

had passed 10-mile tower. She'll be here

any minute. Here

she comes now. I'm going to get you ready

if it's the last thing I do. Get up here

now. Now, let me get her out... Notion by

glory. Neither you and my own

granddaughter are gonna hogtie me in the

store-bought and clothes. Marshall,

listen to me. There's a lot at stake in

this little railroad. I'm not talking

about any personal advantages to me. I'm

talking about this country and what'll

happen to Colorado when this railroad

goes through. It's the opening of the

West, kid. It means getting the wealth of

a nation out of the far mountains. Plenty

of folks don't want this railroad, Dawson

and his overland gang. But these people

are only thinking of themselves, not

their country. This job has got to be

done, and it's got to be done right.

Well, since you put it that way, Mr.

Bishop, let's get it done.

Grandpa, look out!

We're beholden to you, Miss Kitt. Oh, not

me, Mr. Brink. He was Grandpa's meat.

What do we do with this one, Miss Kitt?

Oh, put him in jail, and we'll give him a

fair trial this afternoon and hang him

first thing tomorrow morning.

Well, Chuckity?Call him Johnny behind the

dues. What's they doing around here?They

told me he was selling subscriptions for

the Saturday Evening Post. That's the

truth. Magazines and mustache cups.

Colorado and Utah. Here's my samples. For

the heel?Search him, couldn't find them.

Hey, our friend, nice to saw a bunch of

mustache cups. You could use one too. Or

the Saturday Evening Post. Don't often

see that in a town like this, do you?

What's this?That's not for sale. No?

You ever been to a necktie party?

No?Well, you're going to one tomorrow.

and it's going to be yours. Now wait a

minute, you can't do this to me, I'm

innocent. You was in with those other

coyotes?How do you think I got this?Do

you think a chicken laid it?Ask him. He

saw it. That's right, Miss Kidd. Oh,

chuckity, how could you fall for an old

trick like that?

Why'd you come in here if it wasn't to

turn Grandpa's lights off?To tell Mr.

Dodge that engine number one of the

Tomahawk and Western is stuck five miles

out of town with a boulder on its rails.

That's why I came into town.

That makes you just about the biggest

liar in the state of Colorado. Well, he

was stuck. Sweeney must have pushed off.

Look, lady, I'm no killer. All you got to

do is check with them when they get here.

They'll tell you I was a passenger. Now,

that'd sound reasonable. If I was

feeling reasonable and I'm not, I'm going

to give you a chance to get out of town.

But if you're inside the city limits by

sundown, you're going to become a

permanent resident.

Just who do you think you are?Look, lady,

this is a free country. I'm a citizen. I

got a right to come and go as I please.

And I just got here.

Mister, you just left.

Gosh, almighty, son. That's almost a

haircut. Next time it might be almost a

shave.

She can't do this to me. Oh, yes, she

can. That gal ain't no ordinary gal.

There's six lonesome graves in Boot Hill

on the count of her.

Mr. Bishop. Mr. Bishop, she's here. Your

engine's coming. We can see the smoke

down there. Get back there, son. I'll be

right over. Well, doctor?

Fair to Midland. Fair to Midland. Get out

of here, Doc. Yes, sir, Mr. Dodge. I

wouldn't trust you with a dead mule. Yes,

sir. Scatter!

For heaven's sake, Kit, what are we gonna

do?You're in no condition to travel. I'll

tell you what we're gonna do. Kit, honey,

come here. Chuck, you get a badge out of

the drawer there. Raise your right

hand. You swear solemn

to uphold the laws of the United States

and the state of Colorado?So help me,

Grandpa. Give me the badge.

In the presence of these witnesses, I

hereby deputize you, a United States

Marshal, La Plata County, state of

Colorado. Oh, Grandpa, you don't mean it!

This is absolutely impossible. Why?

She can outride, outshoot and outspit any

road agent this side of Pikes Peak and

she's taken over. You leave everything to

me, Grandpa. I'll rest a day and then

shortcut across the mountains to Tomahawk

and a good horse. I'll get there for you,

Will. Yes, sir, Grandpa.

uh hold on granddaughter I got to talk

with you about something personal that is

I'll wait for you outside miss kid

uh Kit this the first time

you hit the trail alone you know I

mean uh I won't be there to keep any eye

on you you know what I mean

Well, sit down here a minute.

It's like the bees and the flowers, kid.

The flowers get all full of honey, and

then the bees start flocking to them

like...

When a girl gets to be your age, it

means... Well, it

means she ain't quite the same here and

there like she was before she reached

your age. You know?

Don't follow Grandpa. You don't?

No.

Girls are girls, see?And

boys are boys, see?And it's

nature's law that...

That...

Well, that's how it goes.

What I'm trying to say is I'm trusting

you, honey. Why, you can trust me,

Grandpa. I'll get that engine through in

one piece. That's not the engine I'm

worried about getting through in one

piece. I don't

get you, Grandpa. You'd better get going,

honey, and be a good girl.

Sure, Grandpa, and you take care of

yourself. So long.

The pony.

Did you get the message?

Well, thank the Lord. If any

sidewinder start sweet-talking that gal,

you got my blessing to part his hair with

your axe.

Hello, Dakota. Hello, Clayton. Hi,

Dakota. Colonel, I'm sorry about that...

Congratulations, Dakota, on the way

you've handled things. Take it easy,

Colonel. It wasn't our fault that rock

didn't work. I told Trankus... Trankus is

dead. And Hila will stretch her rope

tomorrow morning. Watch. Now listen to me

and get this straight once and for all.

This is the way we're going to operate.

Dakota, you join up with the posse that's

taking the engine to Tomahawk. They'll

need a top hand now. That old man Dodge

can't go along. That.... You and

Charlie and Fargo follow their trail.

Drift into their camp. The coat will

cover for you. And then what?When

everybody's hit the sack, you plant

dynamite under that engine and light it.

Sure, Colonel. Black Wolf, go

into the hills, find the Arapahos, stir

them up. Tell them what the Iron Horse

will do, how it'll scare their buffalo

away. If Indians make war, maybe

they kill us too. That's a chance we'll

have to take.

I'll catch you.

Go on, get away now. Stand back now and

keep your pods off of Miss Sweeney. I'll

give you the back of the hand. Go on, get

off of there. Sweeney?

My name is William Bishop. Glad to see

you, Mr. Bishop. I guess you're glad to

see me too. I guess you thought we'd

never make it, huh?Well, you haven't made

it yet. Let's go on the station.

Take care of Miss Sweeney, sad eyes.

All right, now, stand back. No touching.

Mr. Bishop.

Sent the news up to Tomahawk, but ain't

sure it got through. I think them reds

can cut the line. Never rains, but it

pours. What's all the whaling for?

How far is this Tomahawk?60 miles. You

got to get there for Saturday noon. 60

miles?Why, Miss Sweeney can knock off a

run like that in a couple of hours.

You'll find it'll take a little longer.

Mountains?They don't bother my girl none.

No track. She built to take the Rockies

themselves. She got plenty of weight on

her drivers, and when she take... No

track. Between here and Dead Horse Point,

that is. The rails they shipped us from

England got lost in the storm in the

Straits of Magellan. We never did finish

the right of way. But at Dead Horse

Point, the track begins again. How far is

Dead Horse Point?40 miles. 40 miles?

But, Mr. Bishop, I got 33 tons of

locomotive outside. How am I going to get

to Tomahawk without track?

Mr. Sweeney. Oh, stop your scrawling,

tenderfooting. Kill the fires in the

boiler. You haven't got all

day. Chuckity?

Chuckity, get these mules up and keep

them happy. Hitch them under that doodad

there in the front. Shake your mules!

Come on, you heard what the lady said.

Get them mules threading around there.

Come on, boys. Bring them around there in

the back. Hold this thing right here.

That's it. Bring them around in the back

there. Bring them around.

Are you in charge here, ma'am?I reckon.

was on my way up to Tommy Hawk and

figured maybe you could use an extra gun

on the trail. And who are you?They

call me Dakota, Mr. Roving Wrangler.

You notch that plow handle every time you

rope a cab?Fella's bound to pick

up a few notches in the course of living.

Or dime. And how to use that

thing?Yes, ma'am. Wild Bill Hickock

taught me. They don't come no better.

Then him or you?Me.

Pony, go find a tin can for dead-eyed

Dickie.

You shoot from over there.

Boys! You'll be healthier with your heads

down.

I need tosses that you draw on fire. You

ready?Have been.

Yes, sir, that's a pretty good shooting,

mister. Why did you say you were

heading for Tomahawk?To tell the truth,

ma'am, I hear they need a new sheriff up

there. Oh, police officer. Well, we need

every hand we can get to Cory. You know

how to skin a mule?I'm stubborn myself.

Well, see those skinners get him hitched

up right to that injury. Yes, ma'am. And

if there's anything else I can do for

you, you just wiggle your little pinky.

He's kind of pretty, huh, boy?

Oh, you say that about all the boys. Kit!

Kit! Yes, Mr. Bishop. Trouble, lots of

it. Where's the hitch?Mr. Larimore has

just discovered something terrible.

And this charter will have been fulfilled

if said company shall be operating a

train between Epitaph and Tomahawk. by

noon of September 5th, 1876,

with at least one paying passenger given

safe transportationbetween sad cities

we've got to have a passenger kid for

heaven's sake go and see if you can't

find some greenhorn will be willing

nobody's very keen for the tomahawk trail

right now Mr. Bishop but if we don't get

a passenger we forfeit everything

we can't promise I'll try

funny

the overland will have road agents all

the way nothing doing I don't want no

Rappahoe haircut not on your life we'll

draw straws not me brother I have a

ticket please

You want a ticket?That's right, old

timer, on the first train out of town.

I'd give him a ticket, Homer. Mister, we

only got one train. Well, that's fine.

And it's going no place but Tomahawk.

That's still fine. What time did she

leave?Just as soon as you buy your

ticket. That'll be $2 hard money, mister.

You sure you want to go?I couldn't be

surer. Bear me witness, dude. It ain't on

my head. What ain't on your head?Your

blood. Blood?His train's

off the track. Who told you?Who

told me why?Mr. Bishop, what are we going

to do?We're all hitched and ready. I

can't find anybody... You.

I told you to get out of this town by

sundown. Now, wait a second, Kit. You

can't talk to him like that. She can't?

He's our passenger. He bought the ticket

to Tomahawk. Him?Well, I'll

be doggone if I'll ride her down a toe

that helped put a blue whistler into my

grandpa. For the last time, I had nothing

to do with your grandfather getting

winged. I am an agent for the Saturday

Evening Post. Now hold on, Kit. Personal

feelings have nothing to do with it. It's

your job to take the train to Tomahawk

and give its passengers safe conduct.

You mean I got to take care of this fella?

As if he were your own husband.

All right. But the minute we get to

Tomahawk, I'm gonna become a widow.

Departing on track one. You've only got

one track. That's what it said. Departing

on track one. The Tommy

Hawk Trailblazer. All

aboard. Hey, Mr. Sweeney, it's me. I'm

going with you. Then you're out of your

head. What's eating on him?You better get

aboard.

Gentlemen, we're having a problem. No

cars?No cars.

All right, now, hold that lead team right

there. That's it. Now, the next three

teams back up here. Give them some slack

on this chain. That's it. Back them up.

Come on. Don't be all day. Come on. Back

them up. Whoa, Mini Pearl. Whoa! I hit

you with the head.

No track?No track. Yeah.

Well, I think I... Hey. This is your

ticket. There's been a slight

misunderstanding. I thought I was gonna

ride. All right. Get him, boys.

What happened, Chuck it in?Bennett Pearl

just stepped over her

traces. We'll get

him started for

a minute. Hey, Keller. The laundry's

here. Where's the trouble?.

He says he wants to come along. He's got

the laundry. The laundry?The laundry for

Tomahawk, and he's been waiting two

months to get there. Well, tell him we'll

fill up. He can have my place. You heard

me. Look, this fellow wants to be a

passenger. I don't want to be. You bought

the ticket. Well, I'll sell it to him.

After all, you're gonna need him up

there. You're gonna clean up the town.

Tell this fella no.

Oh, thank

you, Missy. Thank you very much.

You wouldn't take no for an answer.

Hey, you there! Monster!

Me and my troop are bound for Tomahawk,

and we like to travel along with you. The

outdoor isn't going to be any place for

ladies, ma'am. Nobody mentioned ladies,

and the show must go on. You mean

actresses?My dear, how sweet of you.

Won't be any picnic. You'll have to pitch

it and help. Pitching will be no problem,

dear. All right, ma'am.

Ball in and keep your interval.

Girls, girls! Annie,

Ruby, Clara, Julie! Yeah, honey?

Yes, honey?Come on, girls, get to the

stage right away, we're leaving.

Gentlemen, please, please, stand back.

Stop it! Shake the lead out of your

pants, we're hitting the road. Come on.

Get

him up and go!

and the whispers of the world

Time and time

again, time

and time

I dreamt of the true love

asleep on her pillow

Time and time again

The food is delicious, but the service

leaves just a little to be desired.

Your shoulder, please. Haven't

used it in a little while. If you promise

not to run away, I'll give you the

freedom of the camp. I promise you

nothing. If he tries to jump camp, let

him have it. Wait a minute. You're

supposed to be taking care of me. He'll

take care of you. How do you like her?

How do you like that?Where did she get

her nerve?I couldn't say.

Easy does it, strangers.

Speak your piece. We're right in line for

the Durango Telegraph. The Arapaho's been

cutting wire. We sure feel the heap safer

bunking in your camper tonight. Just the

three of you.

Make yourself to home. Thank you, ma'am.

You'll fix these gents up with some

biscuits and beans.

Hey, madam, how's about putting on the

show for the crowd?Come on, give us a

show. I miss the doggone thing in

epitaph. In this joint?Sure, ma'am.

I ain't seen a lady's ankle in three

years. I ain't seen a lady in three

years. None of you lipped,

fatty, and we ain't openin' here tonight.

You put it on to worse places than this.

Indeed. Young man, we have played the

finest houses in Denver, Dodge City,

Deadwood and Durango. How about that

one-night stand in Lost Mule Flats?

You were there?

Very well, friends. We shall put on the

show.

Only on one condition. There'll be no

flirting with my girls. Velvet

fingers, the curtain. Ladies and

gentlemen, the show is on.

Oh! Jose! Go away!

Now some men when courting are awfully

shy And when you speak to them when

scarcely reply While some are so forward

you cannot deny They frighten they

lady a ray And that's just

the way with this fella named Joe

Whenever I need him I'll have you to know

He always insist I'm stealing a kiss

Then I unto him have to say Hey,

oh, Joe, you let me go Let

me alone are awfultell oh

Joe to let me go go what up

for her young man

Grandpa could catch me now that he'd wail

a living tar out of me why I've never

seen a real show before isn't it

wonderful sorry for a one

night stand oh I suppose you

could do better

Don't go

away.

You see here before you, a babe in the

woods A gent who is constantly

misunderstood Well, I'll be

doggone Though maybe a little bit

faster Four kisses were meant to

be taken today while girlies are

blooming and certain and gay but just

because I like to show them the way I'm

leading them straight to disaster they

say and it's hard to

let me go let me alone or I tell

mama hard to let

me go oh what a for young

man

Oh, go Never, never go Kiss me

again like a cad You are Oh,

go Why don't you go Oh, what

a forward Oh, what a coward Oh, what

a forward young man, you go

Fine, Johnny. Thank you, Mr. Sweeney.

Say, I take it back.

You were good. Thanks to you, too.

So is, uh... those girls

sure are pretty, aren't they?They sure

are. Grandpa says I'm homely

as a mud fence. He's crazy. You're not

bad at all. You

mean I'm as pretty as they

are?You're prettier than they are.

You dry gulching me. Didn't the fellow

tell you you were pretty?Jim Bailey was

going to once. Why didn't he?Grandpa

shouting. Why?Oh, he says

that's Jezebel talking. If a gal listens

to it, she'll fall into the pit. Haven't

you ever known the other fellas?Only my

grandpa. Oh, no. I mean fellas that were

stuck on you. You know, gentle and kind.

My grandpa's just about the kindest man

you'll ever meet. Well, I recall the time

they hanged buckskin, Tony. And they

didn't fix the news quite right when the

trap sprung there was poor old buckskin

jumping like a frog at the end of that

rope with his tongue sticking out like a

black snake. And you know what?

Poor grandpa just couldn't stand it. He

got out his six-gun and blew Buckskin's

head off so he wouldn't choke to death.

Well, I got to check the camp.

There's no hurry. Lay low. And the camp's

better downlight a fuse and let her blow.

Good night, Dakota. Good

night, Miss Kitt.

Pardon me. Why something?

What in blazes are you doing to yourself,

ma'am?Just trying to keep body and soul

together. Meaning what?

You wouldn't let a good gun get rusty,

would you?Well, no, but you're not

talking to her. Girl's got to build on

what she's got, because sometimes she

hasn't got what it takes. Savvy?Well,

I don't do all that to myself. How do

I look?Like a well-kept grave.

Wait a minute. Take your hair, for

instance. What do you do for it?

Brush it once a week. That ought to keep

the morphs out of it. But look, girl, if

you just frizz it a little, like this,

see?You get real curls.

You're really a very pretty girl, you

know. That's what Johnny said. A

pair of pretty eyes will knock them dead

at 50 feet, presuming your aim is good.

Aim?Sure. Pass the man.

He stares at you. So you aim.

Give him both barrels. Flutter your

glimmers like this.

Bang. He's a dead pigeon.

But don't shoot till they see the whites

of your eyes. Remember.

I thought you'd hit the sack. I can't.

Stars are too bright. It

is a pretty night.

Them stars will try and twinkle like your

eyes, Miss Kitt.

My grandpa once buried a man to say

anything like that to me.

Might be worth it.

Good night.

Thanks, Chuckity. Can you play that thing?

Like a Spaniard. Good night, Johnny. Good

night, Mr. Sweeney. There's

somebody to get something in your eye?

Do you think you ought to sleep with the

girls?No. I'm a light sleeper.

So am I. What I mean is if that pistol

goes off, it's sure gonna spoil my

dreams. If you go off, it's sure gonna

spoil you.

You know, you don't look like a killer.

How come you didn't take it up?Miss Kitt,

why can't you believe me?I'm not a

killer. I'm a drummer.

Where'd you like to speak Chinese?San

Francisco's Chinatown. Do you speak any

other foreign tongues?Speak 'em all.

Learn 'em in my travels. You take German.

Have you been to Germany?No. Milwaukee,

Wisconsin. That's a city where they make

beer. A lot of Germans live there. I was

on the trip I made to Minnesota to see

the Mississippi River. What are you

barking about?The Mississippi River isn't

in Minnesota. I beg your pardon. The

Mississippi River starts in Minnesota.

It's just one foot across. Just imagine I

stepped over. Two years later, when I was

down in New Orleans, it took me 20

minutes and a river packet to cross it.

What'd you draw in New Orleans?Cards.

Yeah, that's New Orleans. Southern

Louisiana and East Texas. Cards?

Just cards?Just cards?No.

Take a look at these cards.

Go ahead, take one. Feel the paper. It's

the best quality there is. No marked

decks, no cold decks. All high-class

stuff. Incidentally, that's the deuce of

spades you got there. That's right.

Say, that's quite a trick. They don't

call me Johnny behind the deuce for

nothing. How about the other one?

Go ahead, take another one. All right.

You take one, too.

Deuce of spades?Right. Deuce of spades?

Deuces. All deuces.

Is that all you do?Just go around selling

things?What's wrong with that?Where

are they getting you?Gets me every place.

I'm just the kind of a fella who's got to

see what's on the other side of that next

hill. Grandpa says that some folks

can't see the gold at their feet for the

pyrites in the mountains. Yeah, well,

your grandfather would impress that on

you. The gold at your feet might be a

couple of kids and a loving spouse

instead of the ten stars you got on your

chest. Say, what's so good about you?

You're nothing but a loose foot, no

roots. Where's your spouse?It's different

with me. I married the whole world. I get

to go, that's all. Where have you been?

Grandpa took me to Durango when I was 8.

Durango?Well, this is the hole in the

rocks. I've stood on

South Street in New York City, watched

the great clipper ships stick their

bowsprits right across the curb, and you

had to move them back, let the horse cars

by. I've crossed the Black Hills of

Dakota. I've seen the wondrous spouts of

Yellowstone. I've ridden the Chisholm

Trail in Texas. And I watched the wedding

of the rails at Promontory Point. I

visited the Alamo where Texas was born.

I saw him bury Mr. Lincoln in

Springfield, Illinois. Yes,

ma'am. From the rocks of Maine to the

state plains of the Panhandle, I've been.

I'm just a barn traveling man.

I wanna travel around

Always sort of somewhere bound

With the sun hanging

on my tail

Just let me follow my

shadow singing

Yippee-I-Do On

the Colorado

Trail

wanna plunk my

guitar At the Silver

Dollar Bar And

flirt with a pink

haired frail

And then I'll follow my

shadow Singing

yippee-i-yah-do On the

Colorado Trail

On the Colorado

That, just in case something goes wrong,

you and Charlie better ride out of here

now.

Fargo, it's your deal.

Five aces.

Miss Kid! Huh?

Wish whackers, there he goes.

Mister, hand over that peacemaker butt

first and start talking. Hand it over.

I got a mind to give you the same. He was

handing over peaceful as a lizard, and

you bumped him in cold blood. The man was

fixing to drill you. He was going to pull

a road agent spin on you. Road agent spin?

That's right, ma'am. He was handing over

butt first. Look.

Hey. I've never seen that one before. I

thought every peace officer knew that

one. It's a cinch every road agent does.

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

He tried to shoot you and I killed him,

that's all. Too bad you couldn't have

shot him in the arm or something so he

could talk. You insinuating I shot

him to keep him from talking?Dakota, I am

not the man to tangle with. Why not?

Because I'm a passenger on this engine,

and if I don't get the Tomahawk safely,

there won't be any railroad. So don't go

pickin' on me or you might get yourself

hurt. That's all.

We're not gonna have any personal grudges

in this camp. We got a long way to go.

So break it up and keep it that way.

You're right, ma'am. I'm sorry I lost my

temper. I'll just bet you are. You shut

up. Chuckity, you and the boys bury this

fellow and get some shut-eye. We got hard

country tomorrow. Yes, Miss Kidd.

Hey, Fan Eyes, we're gonna take a look up

here in front. I think the town fetch is

gonna have a jab.

Get up, ***** Brown. Come on, let's get

down. Oh, yeah.

Hey. Too

starchy.

Excuses. Always excuses. Morning, Mr.

Sweeney. Morning, Johnny.

Hey, Miss Kit, where are we?We're getting

near Masker Creek. After we cross the

trestle, Dead Horse Point's only five

miles past. Hear that, Miguel?

Five more miles and you can get your head

of steam on again. And we'd better make

it fast, too, ma'am. If you want these

enjoin and charmahawk by noon Saturday. P

and I got to scout up yonder can I go

with you you got an empty horse there no

now wait a minute I'm the passenger right

you're supposed to take care of me right

well then I demand to be taken in your

custody oh all right then

you how to ride

I'll try and hang on

Dakota, whisk out and on ahead, Dakota.

You right one back on the engine. Keep

your eyes open, this engine country. I'll

take care of that piece of pig iron, just

like it was you, Miss Kitt. Thank you,

Dakota. I'll be back.

Thanks, Dakota. I'll be back. You shut

your face. It's a good thing that the

code ain't quick triggered by

sweet-talkie, you'd be cooling by now. No

such thing. You ought to be ashamed of

yourself falling for that cowpoke. I'm

not falling for nothing. Come on, you

can't see the notches in his gun for the

notch in his chin. I told you, shut up.

Yes, ma'am. And that goes for you, too.

these rails are in good shape we get out

here we'll roll them plenty of time you

wouldn't roll her far they end on the

other side

Austin's had to get the engine

look at that isn't that something yeah

quite a gully makes a man feel

about three feet away from heaven too

close for me let's get off this trestle

what's the matter listen

I don't hear anything that's what's the

matterNot a bird, nothing.

What do you think, Bonnie?Did

you hear what he said?Arapaho's around

here. Could be.

We'll wait for the engine on the brim.

Say, I didn't know you could read engine

signs. Where'd you learn?One season when

I was with Wahoo Jim's Wild West Show.

Peanuts, popcorn, and saddle sauce save,

Utah and Wyoming. Did you ever see a

circus?No, I haven't. Engine named

Crooked Knife taught me the signs. He was

a trick rider. Did a good knife throwing

act too. Had to quit show business when

this old man died. He's chief of all the

Arapahoes now. Crooked Knife.

You know Crooked Knife?No, we were pals.

What?He's a dirty heathen that's been

making war and causing all the trouble.

He is not a heathen. He's a very

high-type, clean-cut Aborigine. You

certainly can't blame him for making war.

You'd be doing the same thing if you

weren't Arapahoe.

Where's Dakota ketchup?I'd like to be out

of here. Pretty scenery, though. I

thought I could take his girl out here

away from everything and do a little

busing. A little what?Busing.

Haven't you ever been bused?

I guess you haven't.

Should I have it?Girl hasn't lived until

she's been properly bused, believe me.

I guess I just don't exactly understand

what busing is. You don't?It's kissing.

Oh. You know what kissing is?I've heard

tell. You mean you've never been kissed?

You bet I haven't. Well, now, how do you

expect to meet up with your Valentine,

get hitched, and settle down to raising a

family if you've never even been kissed?

Grandpa says I'll get hitched when the

right time comes. Well, you keep going

this way, and the right time we'll find

you a gun-toting old maid.

Have you ever been bused?Yes, ma'am.

From Maine to California, I've been bused

proper. we better get back

wait a second

tell me about it about busing

well if you pardon me miss Kitt I love

life

huh oh

maybe your grandpa wouldn't like it oh

he's not here yeah but his friend is oh I

can handle him

it's kind of difficult to tellWell, you

know what I mean. No.

Well, take the Eskimo. The who?

The Eskimo. That's sort of a North Pole

Arapahoe. Well, now the Eskimo approaches

the problem of busing with the nose. You

see, when an Eskimo fella gets stuck on

an Eskimo girl, well, he buses her

like this.

Well, that isn't the silliest thing.

Well, not to an Eskimo, is it?Well,

suppose they had a bad cold.

Well, then, there's the French. Now, in

France, they're pretty romantic. They do

their busing sort of elegantly, likethis.

What does all that mean?It's French,

and it means, My darling, I adore thee, I

love thee. Oh, sweet talk.

Go on. Well, there's all kinds of

buses. There's the mother bus, like this.

The Uncle Joe, I haven't seen you in

seven years kind of bus, like this.

And then there's the friend of a friend

kind of a bus. Like that.

Yes, but what I want to know is, how does

a fella in Colorado bus a girl in

Colorado when he's sweet on her and she's

sweet on him?Oh,

that's not easy to do. Do it.

But you can't fake a genuine bus, Miss

Kidd. A real bus only comes from real

love. It's very personal. You see,

a fella has to be head over heels in love

with a girl. Well, the girl has to think

he's the greatest thing since bottled

beer. And then he holds her like this,

warm and tight. Because she's the one

thing he's been looking for all his life.

Understand?Nature's law. That's

right. And he bustes her little

nose, just a teaser. And

he bustes one of her pretty eyes, just to

show he was only teasing. And then?

Yes. Any buses and lips?

Oh, yes.

Why don't you keep your big mouth shut?

Oh!

Warp on him! Let's get out of here! Come

on!

Give him a gun! Give me the rifle!

Get those wagons up there.

Come on, round them up fast. Bring him up

here to point. Come on, let's go! Bring

him around here!

The corner! You and the anchors spy on

that corner and make every shot come.

Chuckery, you take the east side and make

him pay. And all you greenhorns, stay all

the way and be out the firesman. Get the

wagon catch. Here they come! Come

on, you slipper jack, stand still and

I'll play a toot on you.

Man, it's just a war party and it's bad

enough. The main camp over the lights on

us, we're finished. We'll haul them off

till dark. Indians won't fight in the

dark.

Definitely not barbarians! What are you

trying to do to them, Sweeney?

if you can't

get it out save my shirts

hey don't

shoot about the wagon you might hit one

of our own men yeah

hey hey crooked knife it's me

hey no yeah me hey

Friend of yours?Fair weather.

Hey! They quit pulling arms.

We won! We won! What a second of that

curtain! I'm afraid not, ma'am. What do

you mean?We chased them, didn't we?It was

just a war party. He's right. They'll be

back with the sun with plenty more of

their breeds. Make our stand in the

canyons ahead. It's one night when it'll

be smart to have our backs against the

wall. Especially us greenhorns.

You hold it. Hold

it. Hold it

up here. What he

say?He said he was afraid the fireworks

he was carrying would have turned the

whole thing into the... Fireworks?

What fireworks?

Fireworks for Tomahawk.

Chinese New Year. But that was last

February. Be

a long time late.

Miss Kitt, let me fix that for you.

Thanks. Nothing. I'm

just sorry you got creased. Oh, could

have been worse. Pawnee got that wounded

Indian to talking. Yeah?

Well, Pawnee?

Big camp to the north.

200 braids. Yeah, I heard him. Hey,

Pawnee, ask him if we let him go, will

he take me to the camp?You gone loco?

I got an idea. You know what those

engines will do to you. They'll string up

with rawhide. Then they'll string a

rattler six inches from your face. Then

they'll start wetting that rawhide. And

it'll stretch and stretch.

Look, I have never considered myself a

brave man. I leave the heroics to

somebody else. But this is a matter of

self-preservation. If I don't do

something tonight, we'll all get it.

Nothing doing. Miss Kidd?

We've scared them off for now, but

they'll be back for that sun 200 strong.

Now, maybe you don't mind sudden death,

but there's a lot of places I haven't

seen yet. I want to live. We'll give them

as good as we get. And then what?The

trestle's gone. How are you going to

cross Massacre Creek?We'll figure it out

when we get there. If you just let me go,

I could take care of... You'd like to hit

the owl hood, wouldn't you?I

promise you I won't run away. I don't

believe you. Well, that's your trouble.

You haven't believed me at all, not about

anything. But you better stop believing

me this time or you're going to leave

your scalp and everybody else is right

here.

Dude's got a point in this kid.

I'm listening. After all, he's a city

man. Maybe he has some slick ideas. Not

as slick as yours, Dakota. Now, there he

goes again, riling me up. He just ain't a

friendly man. I'm

still listening. All right.

Crooked Knife is a friend of mine. I got

an idea. If I can get to see him, I can

persuade him. Now, here's the plan.

It's loud enough for you.

I want to talk to Crooked Knife.

Johnny. Johnny behind the

deuce. Took you long enough to recognize

me, Chief.

Wet paint. What are you doing

here, Johnny?When I last saw you...

Laramie wasn't it?Let's power, Chief.

Custer?

How is Wahoo Jim?I haven't seen him in

months. He took that Wild West show back

east. That was a good show. We

played the standing room in Laramie.

Remember the night you used me as a live

target and that knife thrown an egg?

You had a mustache then. The knife

slipped a little and cut it off. Never

been able to grow wood since.

Those are the good days.

Chief, you remember what we used to yell

when the show was in trouble and we

needed help?Hey Rube!

I'm calling Hey Rube to you right now.

Johnny, you were good to me, like a blood

brother. We are friends. My

people will not attack your iron horse. I

don't mean that. I mean I want your

help to get that iron horse through to

Tomahawk. We are at war with the pale

face. You remember

this trick?

Deuces. All deuces. It's a loaded deck.

You can't lick it. Well, this is a loaded

war you're fighting. You can't win.

Johnny, I know you're right.

But my people will never walk the white

man's road. If I can sell him an idea,

will you bring him?You will only

lose your scalp. Music,

professor?If you please.

There it is. Yeah, listen to him yell.

All right, mister. Set that stuff up in

Prado. My people!

This one is very wise. A

man of big medicine. He wishes

us to help him carry his iron horse when

the sun rises in the east. We spare him

because he is your friend. But if he is a

man of big medicine, let him show us a

sign.

My friend, that's exactly why I'm here.

You say you want to see a sign?Well, I'll

tell you what I'm gonna do. Inside my

coat, I have something that will show you

a sign, the likes of which that have

never been seen west of the Allegheny

Mountains. Now, if you'll just step back

so these other gentlemen can see. I would

like you to examine this little thing.

It's nothing but a stick, you notice, and

a piece of string. Nothing up either

sleeve, no mustache to deceive you. I

take this stick, place it in the fire...

Will you step back, sir?Thank you. Right

here.

For that power! What did he say?

Dog eater. Yeah. Well,

if at first you don't succeed, try, try,

try again. Now, you fellas know we're

just trying to make it... How are you?I

beg your pardon?Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't see you standing there. Crowd

right on in. Step aside, men. Let that

artist through. That's right. You stay

right here. I want you to see everything.

Seeing is believing, you know. Is that

right, Chief?I hope.

There's a signal. Light up the whole

shebang. Let's get out of here fast.

There's no business like show business.

Listen. It's Johnny.

He's back.

Did it work?Like a charm. They fell for

it. Oh, nice work, Johnny. Crooked Knife

says he'll have as many Indians here at

Dawn as we need. Whole tribe if

necessary. Well, well, you don't say.

And what are the little shavers going to

do?Swim across Massacree Creek with Miss

Sweeney?We're not crossing the creek.

We're taking her over Funeral Peak. Do

you think that these poor mules and them

poor redskins can haul 33 tons of

locomotive over that peak?Those mules and

those redskins are going to haul that

shebang over the mountain if we have to

take her apart down to every last nut and

bolt with each of us carrying a hunk.

What?did you

say?You heard what I said.

And what I said goes. Is that so?Well, if

you or any other traveling grunt figures

to Carnock this Calliope, there's going

to be a cornfield meet. This slung juggle

was built about the stack on rust. And if

anybody that wear artist thinks he's

going to graveyard or he's going to hit

the ditch. What'd he say?He said no.

Is that so?Pilgrim, half slapped another

with chuckle wall and short horns before.

And if you don't hang her for me to shake

the loads out of this hobbling and

ventilate your bodage, you better buy

Prado. What'd she say?She said if you

don't let her take the engine apart,

she'll blow your brains out.

She sure knows how to win an argument.

Don't

she?You take that and I'll take this.

Emmy, girl, what have they done here?So

help me, I had no part in it.

It's like seeing a great lady without a

recursance on. Don't worry,

Emmy, we'll put you together on the other

side of the mountain. It could

humiliate me that I couldn't say.

I'm freezing, Miss Kitt. How much farther

is it?Oh, that horse boy's just down in

the sink. What time is it?

28 degrees. What?

830. Oh, well, comhawk's only 20 miles

beyond. I'd better scout on ahead, miss

Kit. Don't want any trouble on the trail

now. I think we'd have a lot less trouble

if someone else wrote point. Someone we

could trust. There he goes again. Always

pushing me. A man can only take so much.

Button up. I still think you're making a

mistake letting that fella go on ahead.

You're running this she-bang or is that

galoo?I'm running at Dakota and you go on

ahead and scout. And you simmer down

where I can watch you.

Colonel. What is it?Trouble.

Come here, quick.

They're crossing the divide, with the

engine and all. That's impossible.

The Indians are helping them.

Colonel, go. Pot medicine. What happened?

******** brought big magic. Him and

crooked knife, blood brothers. You're

lying, you **********. You sold out,

didn't you?No, I talk with straight

tongue. I'll teach you to double-crossme.

All right, Clayton, we've got to come out

in the open. You ride on the head of

Tomahawk. Get the boys together. Bring

them back with horses and ammunition.

I'll meet you on the hill above Phantom

Curve. If it's war they want, we'll give

it to them. Now pronto. Right, Colonel?

Willie, make these horses.

Sorry, ma'am, bushwackers. Probably

working for the stage company. Got them

spraying lead into that sheetbang not

more than five minutes ago. Looked after

them, but they got away. How many?Oh,

maybe 20. Get their names?

Oh, you'd have thought the Caiusis would

have left tracks here with us. No sign on

this ground but yours, Bacoba. They was

using Winchester's, ma'am, from off that

way. I don't give a yell who's shooting

from where. All I know is Miss Sweeney

ain't going no place without watering her

tender. Well, I don't think you'll take

anymore, Mr. Sweeney. Any more what?

Water. I filled her to the brim before we

left the epitaph. What?I told you to make

that engine light as possible. What are

you taking on for?If sad eyes hadn't

filled the tender, we'd rushed here. The

thing that bothers me by having any

firewood to smoke up with. Firewood?

What may I ask is that?

Pull it away there, man. That's it. Pull

hard on it. Come on. There you

are. All right, now, come on and load

this stuff up here. Get the kittles

on there. Bad eyes can't build a party.

Get that kittles on there. Come on.

Be about through here. How you coming?Be

about a minute now. Say, Johnny, go up in

the cabin, take a look and see how the

head of steam is coming, will you?

Hey, Tootsie. Put a little elbow grease

in that. I'm trying, honey. Well, try

harder. That goes for you,

too. Never mind the shakin', just shine.

Well, I still think

there's a little too much starch. Oh,

very sorry.

Hey, Mr. Sweeney.

Glory be at work. Come on, girls, get

down off of here now. All right, boys,

that's enough. Clem, you drive those

mules out back to the Epitaph. We won't

be needing them anymore. And Crookednap,

you stay with these wagons and give them

protection on into the tomahawk. Hire

yourself fast. We'll be on the engine,

moving the same. We got 40 minutes for 20

miles, and ten of them are graded up

through the gorge. Savvy, let's go!

I found these empty carpet shells under

the tank there. What you might want to

look at?I sure would. Excuse me, Miss

Kitt. These

didn't come out of the Winchester. He's a

six-gun shell. That's right, ma'am. The

six-gun is a short-range weapon. We'd

have sure found some signs on the ground.

Well, the only signs on the ground were

Dakotas.

Yeah. Dakotas.

Pawnee, what did you say

about Dakota the first time we met him?

That's too bad. He

sure was mighty pretty.

Dakota?Uh,

why did you say you were a peace officer?

Deadwood. Deadwood, I was there last

month. Cigar store, Indians and iron grip

flypaper. Northern South Dakota.

Did you know Wild Bill Hickock?Why, sure,

I was one of his deputies. He's a friend

of mine. He's a friend of yours?

You heard me. When did you see him last?

Oh, just two weeks back before I hit the

trail for Colorado. Was he looking well?

Why?Because when I saw him one month ago,

he didn't look so good. He was laid out

in his coffin after a back shooter named

Jack McCall killed him dead.

You got five seconds to get this engine

going. But I can't...

What do you think you're doing?Slap me

there to before I touch your seat.

Pull me out of it.

Do your work, stranger. Put me on the

throttle down. There's bad curves ahead.

You'll never take them. Worry about that

when we get there.

You all right, Johnny?It's

your engine, Mr. Sweeney.

Kitty, are you all right?No, he hit me.

Well, what'd you go aboard like that?I

was worried he'd snap. I thought it was

gonna kill you.

Pull alongside. Aim for our passenger. If

you can't hit the passenger, put your

bullets into her boiler. Hey,

you must be going to Tomahawk.

Hey, open her up. We lose

them fast now.

Miss Sweeney, what are you doing to me?

Come on, Emmy, do me. the terrorist drop

speak to me Emma we

lose your

every man that's got a gun follow after

come on they're empty boys let's get them

Colonel look

let's get out of

Hurry, Grandpa! All you men got ropes cry

on her and pull! Glory B. Here comes the

whole town of Tomahawk. And there's

Chuckity in the wagon. Come on,

fellas. Come

on. Come on. What time?You

got two minutes. Come on, hook up.

Grandpa, we only got two minutes left to

make it. We're trying, honey. I make it

just over a minute. His watch is wrong.

We can't do it. We can't reach it in

time. down limit that shine, but they

can't fudge you. Are you the mayor of

this here metropolis?I am, sir. And these

are the town councilmen. Listen, Mr.

Mayor, you're not gonna let a little

thing like a quarter of a mile keep this

railroad from getting its franchise, are

you?There's nothing I can do. What do you

mean there's nothing you can do?The

charter was issued under the laws of

Colorado territory. And territory law

says the railroad must be in operation

six years from the date of that charter.

and the T&W six years are up at high

noon, which is exactly 45 seconds

away. Don't you shake no charter at me.

Well, listen, Mr. Mayor, think of what

it'll mean to you. Not only the gold and

the silver you can take out of those

mountains and the money you can put to

work for this country, but think of what

it'll mean in commerce schools for your

children. Why, you can make civilization

out of a frontier. I'm the first

passenger on that train, Mr. Mayor.

That's my ticket. I'm proud of it. I want

to tell my grandchildren about it. A

territory law. Never mind territorial

law. Colorado's the territory anymore.

She's a state for one whole month now.

She's been the 38th state in the United

States. You want Tomahawk to grow with

her?Now, what do you say, Mr. Mayor?The

future of the West is in your hands.

Young man, go on down and get that sign.

Yahoo! Chuckity! Dig me a

hole down there, will you?

For Pete's sake, Curry, time's a-wastin'.

I make a motion that we extend the

corporate limits of the town of Tomahawk

to the rear end of that engine tender. I

second it. All in favor?Aye.

Motion carried.

Get it

in there! Get it in there and tell ya!

Let's go! Get it in there! Attaboy,

Johnny! Get it in there!

As Mayor Tommy Hawk, I hereby declare

that the T&W has fulfilled his charter

as of noon this day, September 5th,

1876.

I'm sure glad, kid. Thanks, Grandpa.

Oh, here's your badge. You won the right

to wear that permanent. Oh, no, sir. No,

you keep it. I'm giving up gunplaying.

What?By glory, you'll do no such thing.

No dodge ever give up with startle, he

was dead in his tracks. I know, Grandpa.

But I'm not a he. I'm a she.

There's a difference, you know. How'd

you find that out?

From the man I'm going to get hitched to.

Johnny, I want you to meet my grandpa.

Why, you low-down, pre-crawling snake. No

such thing. He's a traveling man. A

traveling man?A drummer?

Why, you varmint. Stand back,

get away from him. Stand back, I say. Get

clear of him. I'd hate to

put you away, Grandpa. Well,

if that's the way you feel about it, give

me my star. Take my blessing. No,

no, Mr. Dodge. Johnny!

No, kids, your grandfather's right. I'm

not the man for you. You said it

yourself. I got a loose foot, no roots.

But Johnny, I love you. I love you.

I love you and I wouldn't make you

unhappy for the world. But I'd always be

on the go. Home to me, it'd just be a

one-night whistle-stop. Maybe you

wouldn't have such a loose foot if.... I

gave you a permanent limp kit honey

there's no use flying on the face of fate

I'm warning you if you try to leave I

I'll shorten your shoe size I'm throwing

shorten kit because when we get back to

epitaph I'm heading east train

for Durango alos sir and points

the bloody Benson Cannonball leaving on

track one in 30 seconds

You. Yes, sir. You're looking to say

goodbye to Kit. She's over yonder.

Thank you. Al. Mr. Sweeney,

everything, Johnny. Kit.

Well, I guess this is it. Johnny, I'll

miss you. Well, I'll miss you too.

You be good and take care of yourself and

everything. Johnny,

aren't you gonna bust me?

They sure make a nice-looking couple,

don't they?I wouldn't say.

Watch out for yourself, dear. Don't you

worry about me, honey. A man born to

travel has a way with the world. Johnny,

you forgot your hat. Well, now so I

did.

Oh, and don't be late for dinner. The

tomahawk and Western is always on time.

All about!

all right folks take a car take a car

any car

deuces alldeuces.

Johnny, you forgot you came. Oh, thanks.

Bye, kid. Goodbye, darling.

Girls with your father. Bye,

Mama. Bye, Connie, Barbara, Mary, Marilyn

and Joyce.