Original subtitles

( Bleating )

( Squeaking )

Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?

I believe you're a big dork! Ha ha ha ha!

Aaahhh!

Soos! Wendy!

( Panting ) what's up, Mr. pines?

I'm headin' out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?

Absolutely not.

Ha ha! You stay outta trouble.

Hey, guys, what's this?

A secret ladder to the roof?

Uh, I don't think Mr. pines would like that.

Uh?

You're freakin' me out, dude!

Can we actually go up there?

Sure we can. Roof time! Roof time!

Roof time! Roof time!

Uhh...

All right, check it out.

Whoa, cool!

Did y put all this stuff up here?

I may or may not sneak up here during work,

all the time, every day.

Me first!.

( Car alarm chirping )

Jackpot! high five!

Don't leave me hangin'.

Both: ha!

Hey, it's my friends.

Thompson: Wendy!

Uh, you guys aren't gonna tell Stan about this, are you?

Later, dorks.

Let's get outta here!

Whoo!

Later, Wendy! ( Laughing )

Ah, guh-oh!Mes.

Somebody's in love!

Yeah, right.

I just think Wendy's cool, okay?

It's not like i lay awake at night thinking about her.

Uh-oh.

Put on some dance party for no reason!

( Dancgo! go! Go!Ying )

Go! go! Go! Go! Go!

( Stammering ) what? Yes? Yeah?

Aren't you gonna get in on this?

I, uh, don't really dance.

Yeah, you do.

Mom used to dress him up in a lamb costume

and make him do...

The lamby dance.

Now is not the time to talk about the lamby dance.

Lamb costume? Whoa!

Is there, like, little ears and a tail, or...?

Well, uh... uh...

Dipper would prance around and sing a song about grazing.

( Cuckoo clock chimes )

Hey, look at that.

Quittin' time. The gang's waitin' for me.

Hey, wait, uh, maybe I could--

or we could come with you.

Ooh, I don't know.

My friends are pretty intense.

How old did you guys say you are?

We're 13, so, technically a teen.

All right. I like your moxie, kid.

Let me get my stuff.

Since when are we 13? Is this a leap year?

Come on, Mabel. This is our chance to hang out with,

you know, the cool kids-- and Wendy and whatever.

I knew it! You love her!

Love, love, love, love, love!

Oh, hey, what's that?

Huh?

Bluh bluh bluh bluh.

Hurry up.

Lee and Nate: In the belly! In the belly!

( Thompson groans )

In the belly! In the belly!

Oh! ha ha ha! Yeah!

All: Wendy!

Nate: Wendy! Wendy!

Hey, guys, these are my pals from work, Mabel and Dipper.

I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain.

She's not much for first impressions,

unlike this guy!

This guy...!

So are you, like, babysitting or...?

Come on, Robbie.

Guys, this is Lee and Nate...

Unh! ha ha ha!

Tamehh...

Thompson, who once ate a run- over waffle for 50 cents...

Don't tell them that.

And Robbie. You can probably figure him out.

Yeah, I'm the guy who spray-painted the water tower.

Oh, you mean the big muffin.

Um, it's a giant explosion.

Heh heh! Kind of does look like a muffin.

( Both laughing )

Let's hurry it up, guys. I got big plans for tonight, huh?

Letget in the car! Re!

( Playfully ) ow-wow!

Sorry, kid, I'll ride shotgun, all right?

Okay, just, before we go,

my mom said you guys aren't allowed to punch the roof anymore, so...

Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!

Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!

Ha ha! This is gonna blow someone's mind.

Mabel, please.

What? am I embarrassing you in front of your new...

Girlfriend!

( Mumbling )

Uhh! did you just lick my hand?

( Music playing )

You're watching the black-and-white

period piece old lady boring movie channel.

Kids! I can't find the remote, and i refuse to stand up!

Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, the duchess approves,

starring sturly stembleburgiss as the duchess

and grampton St. rumpterfrabble as the risible coxswain

sounterbluggot hampterfuppinshire.

Kids!

( Orchestral music rises )

No! noooo!

There it is, fellas--

the condemned dusk-to-dawn.

Whoa!

Neat! awesome!

Wh-why did they shut it down?

It's, like, a health code violation, or...?

Some folks died in there.

The place has been haunted ever since.

This town has such a colorful history!

What? are-- are you guys serious?

( Feigning terror ) yeah. We're all gonna die!

Chill out, man. It's not as bad as it looks.

Come on, Dipper.

( Chuckling ) okay.

Just-- just gotta get a foothold.

Dude, your sister did it.

Whup whup whup whup whup whup.

Hey, you know what? Just... there you go.

( Thud )

( Laughing ) sorry, dude.

Robbie: good job throwing the kid off the fence, genius.

Lee: your mom's a genius.

( Audibly struggling )

Ho ho ho! This place is amazing.

I think it's-- it's stuck.

Let me take oh, yeah.T it.

I can't get in, but I'm sure junior here

is gonna break it down like Hercules.

Come on, leave him alone. He's just a little kid.

Tambri: whoa, kid! What are you doing?

( Audibly struggling )

Go, Dipper! Punch that metal thing!

Hey, Dipper, take it easy.

Who wants to bet he doesn't make it?

( Happy chatter )

Good call, inviting this little maniac!

Your new name is Dr. fun times.

All right.

Cool. yeah, man.

Nice work.

Thompson: do you guys really think it's haunted?

Robbie: nah! Thompson, are you kidding me?

Come on, shut up, man! Ha ha ha!

Whoa! no way!

( Overlapping awed chatter )

Oh, man.

It's even creepier than I imagined.

Yep, it's dust.

Hey, dude, where do you think they keep the dead bodies?

( Laughing ) shut up, man!

Guys, check it out! You think they still work?

( Clanking )

( Machinery whirrs to life )

( Overlapping chatter )

Jackpot!

So, what are we gonna do now?

Anything we want.

Take that.

( Laughter and chatter )

Ha ha ha! Ohh!

Put 'em in, put 'em in! Three at a time, three at a time!

( Happy shouting )

( Laughter )

Oh, my gosh! Smile dip!

I thought this stuff was banned in America.

Maybe they had a good reason.

Ha ha ha!

Robbie: hey, come here, man, we got it ready!

Whatever it is, I'll do it!

Ha ha ha! Thompson!

Dipper, this night is, like, legendary.

Just look around. The guys are bonding.

( Laughter )

I've never even seen tambri look up from her phone this long,

and your sister seems to be going nuts for that smile dip.

Uhh.

Maybe I've had too much.

What do you think?

( Inarticulate speech )

Would you like to eat my candy paws?

Of course, you little angel.

( Gnawing )

( Freezer buzzing )

You know, Dipper, i wasn't sure

if you could hang with our crew at first,

but you're surprisingly mature for your age.

Yes. yes, I am.

Hey, guys, we need more ice.

I'm on it.

( Screams )

( Panting )

What was that?

I thought I heard some lady screaming back here.

You freakin' out, kid?

No. no, I'm cool. Everything's cool.

Then what's all this about?

Oh, that's... Uh... uh... uh...

Hey, look!

Dancy pants revolution,

the game that tricks people into exercising.

All right, I'm down.

Yeah, let's all-- let's all go play that.

Hm.

Male voice: ( Dadance! Hurry up!G )

Go! go! Go! Go!

Wow! he's really terrible at this.

( Nervous chuckle ) yeah, yeah, that's-- that's great.

( Cries out )

I'll be right back.

( Telephone rings )

Come on, grunkle Stan, pick up!

Uhh! what is he doing?

I don't care about Dukes or commoners...

Or his royal highness, Lionel of cornwall.

I'm not afraid anymore, mother.

D ( telephone rings ) u.

I may be a duchess, but I'm also a woman!

Yes! yes!

In your face, Elizabeth!

( Hysterically ) it's just like my life!

( Calmly ) in a way.

( Dial tone )

Mabel, i need your advice.

We're hanging out in a haunted convenience store,

I can't get ahold of grunkle Stan,

and if I try to say anything about it

to any of these guys, they'll just think

I'm a scared little kid or something.

( Groaning )

Mabel?

The future is in the past!

Onward, deoshebah!

( Car alarm blares )

Mabel! how many of these did you eat?

Eleventeen.

Oh, man. Oh man, oh man, oh man!

Whoa, guys, you might wanna see this.

( Overwhat the heck?Ons )

Whoa. then the rumors are true.

Dude, dare you to lie down in it.

Good idea. Go lie down in it.

I'm a dead body! Look!

Wait!

Maybe let's not do that.

This guy's scared!

All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates?

I mean, what if this place really is...

Haunted?

( All jeering )

Just take it down a notch, captain buzzkill.

But I thought i was Dr. fun times.

Well, you're acting like captain buzzkill, right?

Yeah. little bit.

Status update:

Trapped in store with insane 9-year-old.

I'm not a 9-year-old. I'm 13,

technically a teen!

Whoa? what is that?

( Gasps )

Whoa!

What?

"Status update...

Aaaahhhhhhh."

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

Tambri! tambri!

Can you hear us?

I don't know, man! What Ari don't know! To do?

Let's just go already!

Thwait!n!

I've almost got the high score!

Aah! aaahhh!

Huh? what?

Male voice: Time to shake what your momma gave you!

Oh, no! Help! So many arrows!

You're a dance machine!

No, you're a dance machine!

( Crying )

Thompson!

Forget him! Let's go!

What the--? Guys, it's locked!

Outta my way!

Aah!

Aaahhh!

Everybody, wait.

Whatever is doing this has to have some kind of reason.

Maybe if we could just figure out what it is,

then they'll let us out of here.

"They'll let us out of here."

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

I don't know, guys. Maybe he's got a point.

Yeah, right.

I'm sure the ghost just wants to talk about his feelings!

Aah! aah! Aaahhh!

Wh-what?

I'm bonkers for eating you alive!

No!

Lee: aaahhh!

Lee!

Okay, okay.

I'm with you, kid. One hundred percent, man.

Evil masculine voice: Welcome!

They got Mabel! )

Welcome to your graves, young trespassers!

Ha ha ha!

We're super sorry for hanging out in your store.

Yeah, can we just go now and leave forever?

Well... okay. You're free to go.

But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off.

I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs!

( Both screaming )

Just kidding about the hot dog sale!

Just let us outta here already!

I don't like your tone!

No, no! Aah!

What? no! I'm a hot dog!

It begins!

Whoa!

Unh!

Ohh!

Aah!

Welcome to your home for all eternity!

Dipper, duck!Do we do?

Quick, in there!

( Both panting )

What do they want from us?

What did we do wrong?

Okay, let's try to figure out the pattern here.

Why was each person taken?

Tambri was texting, Thompson was playing a video game,

Lee was being sarcastic-- it doesn't make any sense!

Yeah. I mean, those are all just normal teenage things.

Wendy, say that last part again.

"Normal teenage things"?

Of course! Stay here until I get back.

Dude, what are you doing?

( Growling )

I've got something to tell you.

I'm not a teenager!

Ho ho ho!

Well, why didn't you say so?

Waaahh!

Ugh.

How old did you say you were?

I'm... ( sighs )

I'm 12, technically not a teen.

When we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store.

Always sassafrassin' customers

with their boomie-boxes

and disrespectful short pants,

so we decided to up and ban them,

but they retaliated with this newfangled rap music!

Ma: the lyrics, they were so... hateful!

* homework's wack, and so are rules *

* tuckin' in your shirt's for fools *

nooo!

Ma: it was so shocking, we were stricken down

with double heart attacks.

( Both groaning )

( Flatline )

That's why we hate teenagers so much,

don't we, honey?

But they're my friends.

Isn't there anything i can do to help them?

There is one thing.

Do you know any funny little dances?

Uh... is there anything else I can do?

Nooooo!

Okay, okay, okay! Um, well...

I do know... The lamby-lamby dance,

but, uh, but I can't really do it without a lamb costume.

Oh. well. There it is.

Whew.

* well

* who wants a lamby lamby lamby? *

* I do! I do!

* so go up and greet your mammy mammy mammy *

* hi there, hi there *

* so march, march, march around the daisies *

yes! yes! More! More!

* don't, don't, don't you forget about the baby *

that was some fine girlie-dancin', boy!

Your friends are free.

Well, I don't think you have to worry about us comin' back, so...

All: ohh!

( Groans )

( Groans )

I'm never gonna eat or d anything ever again.

Hey, there's still some evil!

What-- what happened after everything went crazy?

You are not going to believe it.

The ghosts appeared, and Dipper had to...

Uh... ahem...

And, um, Dipper just grabbed a bat

and started beating ghosts down, left and right.

And then the ghosts got all scared

and ran away like a couple of little girls.

It no way!Ane!

Lee: Dr. fun times!

Well, I'm probably scarred for life.

Yeah, that was pretty crazy.

Think I'm gonna go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything.

Hey, next time we hang out,

let's stay at the mystery shack, okay?

Ha ha! Next time?

Yeah, let's-- let's hang out at the shack.

Ha ha! Yeah.

Next time.

Ohh!

What kind of sick joke is this?

( Orchestral music playing )

Ah, the wedding.

I've waited so long for this.

Oh, look at her in that dress.

( Door bursts open; Crowd reacts )

Count Lionel! What's he doin' here?!

I've come to reclaim my bride!

You had your chance at the cotillion, you!

You had your chance at the cotillion, you!

That's what I'm sayin'!

( Frustrated roar )

( Crash )

Uh...

Couldn't find the remote.