Original subtitles

( ** )

This is my first day as concierge

of the Munnyvale all-inclusive casino and resort.

It's a lot more responsibility with no more pay

but, as it grows, Julian says

I might be in line for a promotion.

I'm in charge of... (Engine revving)

checking people in and giving them these bracelets.

What the frig?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Good morning, Randy!

Oh, honey, what happened to your nipples?

Sorry, Barb, can't let you in.

The park's been re-zoned. Private property.

You guys got to move on.

(Laughing) Why don't you fuck off, Randy,

before I drag my nightcrawler across your face

and leave a slimer on you!

Frig off, Donna! Frig off!

My tits are private property too! Come on, ladies, let's go!

Yeah, what about those, eh? Look at those!

Let go! Scrawny little piece of shit!

Who do you think you're dealing with?

Get in the fucking car! Okay! Okay!

Get in the car! Just let go!

Rosie McDonnell!

Nice ass, like a little woman.

Fuck.

( ** )

( ** )

( ** )

(Meowing)

( ** )

(Indistinct casino chatter and clatter)

Marguerite: Eighteen. Good faith!

What do you mean, hold?

Hit, you fucking pussy!

Cory: Dude!

Marguerite: (Cackling) What's up?

I ain't never seen this sort of plug before, man.

I swear to fuck you're getting dumber by the day.

The plug's right here, Cory.

Stay away from that shit that Ricky's giving you, man. I'm serious.

Fuck...

J-Roc: Oh, there the pit boss!

There he is, dawg! What's up, boys?

What's up, homerun?

Have a seat, dawg.

Upscale status for two, ain't it? Fucking right.

Place looks teera-eera- eerela-tie! M'sayin'?

Only think you need, dawg,

some more upscale unnertainment.

Like, I ain't going to down Bubbles, y'know I mean,

but mafuckers this classy,

they ain't feelin' country, dawg!

You need beats bumpin', hah?

That's what I'm talking about, hop up right quick.

Let's spit some rhymes, dawg.

I though you said we came here

to gamble and look at bitches.

We did, dawg. We're going to gamble,

look at bitches, you know what I'm sayin'?

Maybe freestyle, all that, dawg.

And all that bullshit.

How many times do I have to tell you?

I rap when I want to rap,

not when mafuckas tell me to.

I'm light.

I just thought you were on my side.

Why you trippin'?

Because I want to do normal teenage kid stuff

and invite my girl and shit

but I can't do that because my old man is a whack sucka!

You best watch yourself, dawg.

I might be whack but I ain't a sucka, a'ight?

Yeah, whatever. I'm the fuck out like Crocs. Peace.

Peace, man.

Whack sucker. I was here, dawg.

(Chuckling) Hard act little mafk too, ain't he?

Argh, cock bacon, fuck!

Aww.

Are you feeling sorry for him?

I don't know. I mean, look at him.

He's trying really hard.

And it kind of makes me feel like I made a mistake.

Like you made a mistake?

Lucy, Ricky's a fuck-up.

Okay, say it with me:

Ricky. Is. A...

Octopus slut!

What a fucking piece of shit,

fucking whore piece of...

Fuck!

(Clatter)

(Sighing)

(Humming a beat)

(Strumming guitar)

Bubbs, Bubbs! (Shouting) Hey, Julian!

Headphones, man. Headphones.

Look, man, I don't know what you did with the website,

but reservations are starting to roll in, buddy.

Three couples booked for the entire fucking weekend.

That's how I fucking do it, baby! (Laughing)

We just got to clean up this fucking mess.

Ricky: Come on, you fucking dick!

How the fuck are you still not hard?

Bubbles: What in the name of Christ? Ricky!

Julian: Just leave him alone, Bubbs.

Ricky: Fucking asshole! Take that! Come on!

Rick! Guys, can you not?

Just don't film this for one second. Ricky!

What?

Oh, my God, it's a tire pump. (Laughing)

Ricky, I thought you were over here fucking pounding one!

I already did that.

How long have you been doing that?

A couple of hours, man. My arm's fucked!

Yeah, 'cause this is for, like,

beach balls and footballs and things.

I got a air compressor.

Why didn't you just use that?

Because I couldn't drive the car over there,

the fucking tire was flat.

No, Ricky, it's air... it's portable.

You could have just brought it right here and just...

Rick, we've got people booked for the weekend, man.

Nice! So we've got to get

this place cleaned up, man. It looks like shit.

Ricky: What are you talking about?

All that stuff's fucking perfectly good.

It looks like a garbage dump over here.

Woman: Hey, guys. Is the drugs store open?

Ricky: Yeah, yeah. Go on inside.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where's your bracelets?

What? We just want to buy some weed.

This is an all-inclusive resort, okay?

50 bucks and you can have all the gambling

and booze you want over there.

Look, I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Go on inside. No, no, no, no!

Tell Lucy that Ricky said he was sorry...

No. Go to the front gate, pay the 50 bucks

or get the fuck out of here!

(Huffing a laugh) It's your choice.

Look, there's lots of other places to buy weed, dude.

All right. Peace.

Get the fuck out of here, then.

What the fuck, Julian?

Rick. It's an all-inclusive resort now, buddy.

Now they've got to fucking pay the all-inclusive rates

or it doesn't work. It doesn't make any sense if they don't.

How's that going to work for my business?

People aren't going to pay 50 bucks to come and buy dope!

Rick, they start gambling, they start winning money,

they get drunk, they're going to want to get high,

they're going to buy tons of fucking dope.

Sounds fucked to me.

It's not fucked. You're fucked. No, you're more fucked!

No, you just don't... You can't understand...

The casino's dumb and you're dumb and you're fucked!

Barb: Tell me what is going on in the park!

Randy: Argh! Frigg off!

How long has that been going on? Randy: Cold!

Donna: Oh, you think that's cold, Randy?

Remember when we used to... What's going on in there?

Randy: (Screaming)

That was when we were dating. Frig off! (Pounding)

Candy: (Laughing)

(Pounding) Barb!

Barb: Mind your own business!

What are you doing to Randy?

Barb: Just a little old-fashioned interrogation.

Donna: (Laughing) Well, you let him go

or I'm going to call the cops immediately!

Randy: They're doing things to me!

Oh, look who it is!

The skinny Malcoholovich- looking motherfucker! Yeah!

Oh, my God! That was so much fun, girls!

Randy!

Good luck sitting down, Randy! Are you okay, bud?

No, Mr. Lahey.

What the hell's going on, Barb?

What do you want?

What I want, Jim, is justice.

Look, that park was stolen from me.

And from you. And I want it back!

And so should you!

But I don't, Barb. Don't you get it?

I don't want it back. You want it back?

You get it back and keep my goddamn share!

I don't care. Just leave Randy and me alone, okay?

No, not okay! You're in this whether you like it or not.

And what I want from you is I want you over at that park

and I want you to find out what the fuck Julian is up to!

I'm not going back to the park! I'm not going to do it!

Ah! Say that again into my good ear

'cause I don't think I heard you, motherfucker.

Yeah. And have you suddenly forgotten

the conversation we just had?

I'll give it a go, Barb.

Don't give it a go, Jim. Do it.

You okay, Randy?

I'm damaged goods, Mr. Lahey.

Oh, Randy. It must have been awful.

Randy: It was.

(Crash)

Hey, no entry unless you have a bracelet.

Excuse me? We booked through your website for the weekend.

(Sighing) Who the fuck do we talk to?

Oh, I'm sorry. You guys have reservations?

Ah, yeah. We booked for three nights.

Okay, you want to talk to my concierge up at the gate there.

Fat guy, no shirt, bow tie.

No? All right, okay, cool. I'll take care of it.

All right, let's go. Actually the first place you're going to want to go

is in the drug store there. Let's get you all set up

with some edibles, some smokeables... No, you don't! No.

Ricky, we've got to get them drunk

and fucking gambling, okay?

They should get high first, though!

No, they're not going to get high!

I need them fucking zoned out.

All right! Are you guys ready to party?

Woman: Yeah! Right on! My name's Julian.

This is fucking bullshit, Julian!

Ricky, just...

Hi, Bubbles. Bubbles and The Shitrockers.

I'll be taking care of all

your entertainment needs.

Come right in. Ricky: Fucking asshole!

We'll get you guys set up with some liquor drinks.

You like liquor drinks? Yeah. (Chuckling)

Marguerite, liquor drinks, please.

Marguerite: Hey! Woman: Hey!

Marguerite: What do youse want?

What d'you cover my eyes for?

You'll see, mafucker, you know I'm sayin'?

This your old man trying to make some shit up to you,

you know what I'm sayin'? I wanted to give you

a little privacy with your shawty. You know what I'm sayin'?

It might be just what the dizzoctor izzordered.

You ready? Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Huah!

Blah, blah!

What's that creeping out your mouth?

That's a smile, ain't it?

Sayin'? Have a seat, dawg.

Got you chips, you know what I'm sayin'?

You have bottles poppin'.

Play some video games with your candy, huah?

Would a whack sucka do this for a mafk?

I don't think so!

It's tight, ain't it? Yeah, it's a'ight.

We should probably talk about

the bizzurds and the bizzees though,

if y'all two going to be pushing up

on each other right quick.

I probably know more than you do, bitch.

A'ight. Just sayin',

if you're going down south, you know I'm sayin',

put a jimmy hat on your shit, huah?

(Rumble of engine)

(Blowing) (Electronic beep)

Kind of like old times, isn't it, Randy-bo-banders?

A little bit, yeah.

(Lips smacking) Ah-h-h-h.

Randy, I...

I don't quite know how to handle this,

but don't get me wrong.

I love living outside the park.

My life's just about perfect, Randy,

but just seeing you the last couple of days

makes me thinks there's something missing in my life.

You know what I mean, bud?

Yeah, Mr. Lahey, but... just...

I don't think we should complicate things right now.

(Sigh)

(Engine stops) Thanks, Mr. Lahey.

Julian: The hell you doing here? You're not allowed in here!

Lahey: I'm just... I'm just dropping him off.

Where the fuck have you been?

Barb and her goon bitches kidnapped me, Julian,

and they did things with... a frigging mackerel!

A frozen one! A mackerel? What the fuck are you talking about?

Barb's gunning for you. Seriously.

She told me that I had to come over here,

scope things out and spy on you

and see what kind of plans you're making, Julian.

Is that right? Yeah! I told her

I didn't want to have anything to do with it,

but she... Julian,

she's fucking blackmailing me.

She's blackmailing you? Yeah.

How fucking stupid do you think I am, huh?

I don't think you're stupid, Julian.

I think you're a lot of things, but you're not stu...

Ooh, that suit looks really good on you, bud.

Get the fuck back in your car and don't come back.

I think you should go, Mr. Lahey.

Listen, Julian. I'm really sorry.

It wasn't my fault. Do your fucking job!

How hard is it to do your fucking job, huh?

Fucking idiot!

(Mixed drunken chuckling)

Julian: He-e-ey, how's everybody doing?

You guys enjoying yourselves so far?

Everything cool? Can I get you guys anything?

Uh... When does the free dope start rolling out?

Free dope? Dope's not included.

Just the rooms, booze, snacks, gambling.

What are you talking about? The ad on the website

said all the fucking dope you can smoke.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No.

Jesus Christ...

(Banging) There, Ricky. How's that?

It's still a little fucked right there.

Can you get it any straighterly?

Ricky, I'm not a fucking bumper specialist.

I'm not going to get it back to factory-perfect

and I kind of don't have time for this.

I need to get practicing.

Come on, buddy. Don't quit just 'cause you suck at something.

I don't suck at it! You fucking suck at it.

That's why you brought it to me. Remember?

Boys! What the hell did you put on the internet?

What? The commercial?

It's fucking awesome! Did you see it?

Let me see the fucking thing.

Bubbles (on laptop): Are you tired of having to haul out your wallet

every single time you buy a drink at the bar?

(Cheesy music)

Are you sick of getting kicked out of casinos

'cause you're too fucked up?

Hey, suck my cock, pig!

Then come to the Munnyvale all-inclusive resort and casino

at the Sunnyvale Trailer Park. (Jingle of coins)

Gambling. Luxury accommodations.

Unlimited drinks...

Privacy. And once you're here,

all the fucking dope you can smoke! Bubbles: Ricky!

The Munnyvale all-inclusive resort and casino

at Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Bubbs!

Call now or book online at www.munnyvalecasino.com.

Are you guys fucked in the head?

Why did you let him mention dope?

What's the difference between saying that

and saying fucking free liquor and gambling?

Bubbs, there's a big difference! It's dope!

Nice going, buddy. You just fucked up the entire business.

The fuck, Julian? Chill out, no one's going to see it, man.

He put it on the fucking worldy-pipy internet.

It's not like he put it on Channel 10.

Rick, billions of people have the internet!

Billions! There's not even billions of people in the universe.

Maybe ants or rocks or sand, but not fucking people.

Well, guess what, Ricky?

Your dope's free now to everybody that has bracelets.

Free? Why?

Because you advertised it that way!

Right in the fucking ad, man!

It's an all-inclusive ad!

Do you know what all-inclusive means?

Yeah. It means that all... most of the stuff is inclusive.

No, it means all of it is!

Julian: Jesus Christ, Bubbs.

You know what, I expect it from this stupid fucking idiot,

but what were you fucking thinking?

You told me to fucking deliver a cool ad

and I delivered a cool ad!

No, you delivered a shitty ad

that fucked everything up.

Take it down! And guess what?

You're not playing music in my bar any more.

I'm changing the whole music format.

What? That's fucking bullshit!

I didn't fucking know that dope wasn't inclusive

or that he didn't know what it meant

or fucking... (Scoffing) What?

This is fucking bullshit, Julian! Fuck you!

Well, fuck you!

I'll take the fucking thing down

and I won't play at the bar any more but guess what?

You don't fucking ask me to do anything for you ever again!

How about that? How about that? (Whimper)

I'm so fucking pissed off at you, Ricky!

You're a fucking idiot!

Ricky: What the fuck are you doing?

Bubbles just fixed that fucking thing!

I don't give a shit!

Oh, you don't give a shit? Is that right? Okay.

(Clatter)

I don't give a shit about your fucking stuff either!

Oh, you're gonna make me lose more money now, are you?

Is that the game you want to fucking play, huh?

It's what you want to fucking play! Where are you going?

Is that the game you want to fucking play,

you stupid fucking idiot?

Huh?

Yeah?

You fuck off with that!

(Bang, fabric ripping) Fucking asshole!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Ha ha ha, you fucking asshole!

What are you going to do, Julian? (Gun click)

Ah! You want to go to Fucktown?

Is that where you want to fucking go?

You wanna go to Fucktown?

You put your fucking gun down!

You put your fucking gun down!

Put your fucking gun down, I'll put my fucking gun down!

Put your fucking gun down.

All right, we'll put them down at the same time.

Count of three. You ready?

One. Two. Three.

Yeah, I fucking knew it, Julian!

Put your fucking gun down, man!

Put your fucking gun down.

Yeah? What do you want to do here?

Well, what do you want to fucking do?

(Whimpering, sobbing)

Fucking blame all this shit on me!

He can take a fucking big hydraulic suck

on my fucking nuts!

(Meowing)

What the fuck is that? Jimmy Kimmel?

Jimmy: (on computer) Hello? Hello, there! (Audience laughing)

Hello? Jimmy Kimmel?

Jimmy: Yes, yes. How are you doing?

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

I'm doing well, thank you.

Can you hear me all right?

I can hear you great.

Am I on the TV right now?

(Crowd laughing)

Yes, yes, sir, indeed,

you are indeed on the TV right now.

I'm calling about

this all-inclusive resort and casino you have

that you're running in your trailer park there.

Are you the owner of this?

Well, I'm kind of one of the partners.

You know, my best friend Julian,

he opened it in his trailer

and it's kind of like...

(Gunfire) Jesus Murphy!

What's wrong?

Ah... (Indistinct shouting)

Jimmy: Is that... (Gunshots)

Bubbles: Julian's in a fight with my other best friend Ricky,

a bit of a gun fight. Can you just...

A gun fight? ...hang on one second!

Yeah... Just don't hang up!

All right. We won't...

Well, I'll shoot your fucking shit again!

Boys! Jesus, boys!

Get over here!

Jimmy Kimmel's talking to me on the computer!

What? Jimmy Kimmel?

Jimmy Kimmel's live on the fucking computer!

Get in here!

For fuck's sakes! (Gunshot)

Ricky! Get in here! Look!

Jimmy Kimmel's called us on the thing.

He's asking about the casino.

Were... (Laughing)

Were you guys shoo...

Were you shooting out there?

Yeah, dicky-nuts over there

was shooting at my (beep) trailer.

You shot at my (beep) car first!

Boys!

What the (beep) is going on here?

I just... I'm sorry...

I'm sorry to interrupt your gun fight

but I saw on the internet where you guys

are running this resort and casino

with free marijuana or whatever

in your trailer park. Is that correct?

Yeah, man. It's completely gated.

There's a kick-ass casino,

live entertainment, lots of free booze.

Man, it's (beep) awesome!

Tons of dope! (Crowd laughing)

So you actually allow people to smoke dope

in the casino while they're gambling?

Is that legal in Canada?

Well, I mean, the cops don't bother us, right?

I mean, it's private property,

so we basically do whatever the (beep) we want.

(Crowd laughing) All right. And how is it going so far?

Is business good?

Are people coming and participating?

Yeah, man. It's starting to really pick up now.

You know, hoping that people

from all over the world will come

visit this place sometime, you know?

Yeah, you...

you must know some people, do you,

Jimmy Kimmel, that might come up?

(Crowd laughing) I know a lot of people.

Yes, of course I do.

And you're on right now. So...

Would you invite these people up

to get stoned and gamble for us? That'd be awesome!

(Crowd laughing) I would... uh...

Is that a gun that you're wiping your nose with?

(Crowd laughing)

You need a gun when you handle

with stupid (beep) friends like this dumb bastard!

Are you seriously putting your gun where you did?

(Indistinct shouting)

Boys, put the guns down!

Sorry about this, Jimmy Kimmel!

I... it's...

(Repeated beeping, distorted signal)

...fucking shoot somebody!

(Whimper)

Ricky, put the fucking gun down!

You put your fucking gun down!

You put your fucking gun down first!

Boys, I was talking to Jimmy Kimmel and you fucking ruined it!

He started it! He started it!

(Whimper)

(Beatboxing)

What's cracking, dawg?

Hey, what you doin', youman?

What does it look like I'm doing? I'm packing.

What you packing for? Where are you going?

I'm going to move in my mom's.

But you've got a moms up in hurr.

Not that Mexican bitch. Hell, no!

Marcia? Don't talk to her like that, dawg.

I just did. Here, let me tell you something right quick.

That's emotional baggage, what you're doin', dawg.

Hey! Sit on the bed right quick.

Hey! Hey! Sit on the bed right quick!

Talk to me mafk to mafk.

You ain't goin' nowhere, dawg!

Just take a breaths, tell me what's goin' on.

You got a moms, a'ight?

Marcia? That's right.

I asked that bitch to make me a sandwich,

she knitted me a pair of mittens!

She learnin', dawg.

A'ight, she learnin' English. She tryin'.

Baloney sound like mittens, you know what I'm sayin'?

When you say 'em quick.

Be patient, dawg. Ain't nuttin' wrong with her.

We all trying', a'ight? It's a new arrangement,

you know I mean?

This ain't no place for kids to grow up.

Suckas hassling you to spit rhymes.

I just want to study!

Is that what this is about? Yeah!

Me pushin' you too hard to spit?

That's what's going on here, huah?

Two things, dawg! Two things!

Look at me with your eyeballs!

Two things.

One, I grew up in this mafucker

and I turned out dope!

And the second thing is,

I ain't goin' to pressure you

to spit no more, dawg.

You can go on with your maths. Sayin'?

Promise you I won't be pushin' you to rap no more, dawg.

Promise?

Lick it, stamp it, no racy-dacies!

Will you stay?

Yes.

That's good.

Barb: Hey, Jim!

Hi, Barb.

Barb: How are you?

I'm... Actually, Barb, I'm pretty busy.

Oh, really?

So... uh...

Jim, did you manage to talk to Julian for me?

Barb, I talked to Julian

but he didn't believe a fucking word I was saying.

I'm sorry. I can't do anything about it.

Ohhh. Oh, no, that's too bad, Jim,

because, like, I don't need to remind you

what'll happen if you can't get the information I need,

do I? Barb...

You don't need to fucking remind me!

Good. Good. 'Night.

'Night. Sleep tight.

Good night.

Barb! Where'd you put all those fucking coolers at?

(Distant heavy rock music playing)

( ** )

( ** )

Oh, yeah, I guess I came down pretty hard

on Bubbles and Ricky, but, you know,

I totally thought they fucked up my entire business.

But this whole dope thing got the word out now.

I mean, we were on Jimmy Kimmel.

So hopefully that'll draw people into this place.

I guess I'm going to have to go apologize to those dicks.

Here, Ricky, she should slide right...

Oh, for fuck's sakes! I fucked.

We've got to take the tail lights off.

Fuck!

Hey, Bubbs. Hey, Rick.

Do you hear something, Bubbles?

Yeah, it sounded like

the endangered muscular dickweed birds

chirping somewhere in the distance.

(Sighing) Yeah, that's what I heard too.

Look, Rick.

I'm sorry for ripping down your sign

and shooting at your car.

It was a dick move, man. I apologize.

Oh, fuck, if only Hallmark made a card for that occasion.

Rick, Bubbs... I'm fucking sorry.

I'm just stressed out, you guys.

And you can play at my bar any time you want, Bubbs.

(Sighing) Okay.

I'm sorry I shot at your bar with customers inside.

It wasn't very smart.

Julian: It's okay.

I'm sorry I pissed in your poker machine.

You pissed in my poker machine?

I did too.

(Sighing)

Right, look, Rick...

We're going to make this dope thing part of the all-inclusive.

People in e-mail and on the fucking website,

that's all they want to know about.

But I can't. Like, how's that good for me?

I'm going to lose a ton of fucking money.

We just have to work together, boys.

That way we can all split the profits equally.

We've just got to concentrate on getting people drunk

so they'll gamble more.

That way it'll keep the dope down to a minimum.

Free dope would bring a lot more people in, Ricky.

Julian: It would.

Giving away free dope for the gooder of us all.

It's a noble gesture.

You'd be like the Robin Hood of dope.

Come on, boys. We're better

when we're together than when we're not.

I agree.

Put 'em in!

All right.

All for all and one for one, then, I guess.

(Sighing)

What? Did I fuck that up?

Yup. You know what?

It doesn't matter, though.

It doesn't matter. One, two, three!

(Shouts)

(Laughing)

Dee-dlee-dlee!

Dee-dlee-dlee! Bubbs, man, stop.

(Chuckling)

Want a drink, Rick? Sure.

Don't! I pissed in that too. (Sputter)

( ** )

(Seabirds squawking)

Fish: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...

Fuck off! Jesus Christ!

(Whisper) Fuck.

(Light clicks off) Fuck off.