Original subtitles

(Pleasant music)

Hi!

I'm retired police officer Jim Lahey.

And I'm Barbara Lahey!

Take time to stop...

(Sniffing)

and smell the flowers...

At Sunnyvale Villas Retirement Community.

(Harp notes)

If you're over the age of 55

and are looking for a relaxing,

stress-free lifestyle...

Without the worries of criminal activity,

alcohol and drugs...

Come make Sunnyvale Villas

your semi-inclusive retirement paradise.

(Chimes)

Jim: Enjoy three-and-a-half star dining

with master chef Bubbles.

Barbara: As well as numerous activities

to keep you active and alive,

such as hay-ride bingo...

Jim: Bowling, yoga...

Barbara: And then unwind

at our relaxing Mystic Fingers Day Spa.

Let our certified staff work out all your tight spots

after a long day of fun!

Jim: Our grounds are patrolled by retired SAS Officer

and highly decorated war hero, Colonel Leslie Dancer.

Barbara: (Imitating trumpet call)

So come settle in

at the end of the silver rainbow.

Join us

at Sunnyvale Villas Retirement Community.

Old people...

Both: New friends!

(Laughter)

Wow! Ohh...

I'd say we did pretty damn good, Barb.

Aw, do you think? Mm-hmm.

I thought I looked just a little bit heavy.

You kidding?

You look as beautiful as the first day I ever laid eyes on you.

Sorry, am I interrupting something?

Randy, do you not know how to knock?

What do you want, Rand?

Randy: I moved yoga class up.

Your, uh, little A.A. Colonel buddy

has... intel that, uh,

Ricky and Julian are being released in a few hours.

Oh, great idea. Well, actually we are all ready to go.

Sorry, it's been a while since I've seen little Brad.

Little Brad? (Clearing throat)

Yeah, little Brad.

"A River Runs Through It", "Seven Years in Tibet",

"Legends of the Fall", "Troy"...

Oh my God, you named your penis after Brad Pitt?

He didn't name it, I did! Randy!

That's enough.

This erection's for you, Barb.

Oh, th... this conversation is revolting

and it's over! I'm going to yoga,

and you... four... can work it out.

(Frustrated sigh)

You look ridiculous, Randy.

I'm going to yoga.

Go de-grease yourself.

He's not friggin' yours anymore!

(Theme music plays)

This time in jail was my best spent of time ever.

I took some really fucked up courses.

I took a sewing course, which I wasn't great at.

The machine kept biting my fingers, but...

I took this other course, and when you're baked,

I was really fucking good at that.

You take flowers, like different colours and styles and...

you put them in these thinly, glassy buckets.

And yeah, I got a fucking job waiting for me when I get out of here.

Man: Hey, Ricky. Hey, D.C. What's up, man?

(Whispering) I need some shit before you bust, man.

You sure you can't take any more? I need to get rid of this stuff.

I'm out of here in an hour. Spread the word.

Guards say they'd take some.

And the other thing I realized in jail this time

was that my family and my unbornt gram-child

are way more important than killing Lahey and George Green

and ending up back in here forever.

So, I'm going to do what the old man used to always say:

"Let guy bonds be guy bonds".

'Cause once you're bonded, nobody gets hurt.

That way I can get Lahey and George out of this fucking thing

and not want to kill them.

I never felt so good getting out of jail.

You know, healthy body, healthy mind, no stress.

That's the pathway to success.

And so is this:

reverse psychology.

Because the last thing on earth I want to do

is get revenge on Jim for fucking me over.

See? Reverse psychology. It's great, I love it.

I also realized that by reacting to Lahey,

I'm just feeding him. You know, and that's what gives him his power.

So all I've got to do

is stop feeding him... me, and just concentrate

on investing that little nest egg I've got waiting for me.

You know, I heard there's been a lot of changes

going on in Sunnyvale since I've been in here,

and it's a little scary, but change is good, it's exciting.

Just can't wait to be part of it all again.

And get the fuck out of here.

Can't wait.

A lot of changes been going down since Jules went away,

you know what I'm saying? It's all good though.

I got T's Axi keeping me busy.

You need a taxi? Just axe me.

And them old hoes, they be loving they "Driving Miss Daisy".

I've been working part-time with Sarah at Mystic Fingers,

doing my thing, you know what I'm saying?

I just hope Jules is down with this new setup and all.

Hopefully.

Things have changed quite a bit around here,

but I think it's awesome.

I've been going full tilt. I opened up my own strip mall:

Sunnyvale Plaza.

I've been doing hay-ride bingo,

I've got a bowling lane over there.

We've been having lawn darts the seniors are whipping around.

It's been really fantastic.

I opened up this place right here:

Talko's Take-Out, in memory of poor little Talko,

mulched up in Ricky's thing there....

Oh my fuck, he got mulched!

Anyway, I cook all the meals for the seniors there.

And I mean, once the park fills up with people,

this is going to be a fucking gold mine.

Julian's going to be very proud of me.

(Giggling)

What's up? I just got a regular.

I want everyone to step out of the car, please.

(Engine shuts off)

Arms out. We're at level 4 security today, Tyrone.

Oh, man, are you serious?

This will only take a few seconds.

(Metal detector squealing) You're good.

Arms out, ma'am. Yo, is this really necessary, man?

Unfortunately, yes. It is necessary.

Because...

someone tried to smuggle in a bottle

of cooking sherry last week.

Now, was that a good idea?

I don't know, Colonel Miyagi. Was it?

Alcohol is the true killer, son.

Now pop the trunk.

Excellent.

Thank you for your cooperation.

And I hope you have yourselves a very lovely day.

(Feedback on PA) Your attention, please.

For your safety,

a 2100 hour curfew has been implemented.

Thank you, from all of us at Sunnyvale Villas.

Stay safe, stay sober.

I'm Colonel Leslie Dancer.

And breathe...

Man: Cory, hurry the fuck up!

Bubbles: I got fucked over by Leon's.

They do this thing where they're like, "Yeah, come on in,

get all the shit you want. You don't pay a cent for fucking eons."

That's what they tell you, but...

I ended up buying all kinds of things

I normally wouldn't spend the money on.

I mean, that thing was expensive.

Big fancy lamps and...

you know, I got all kinds of shit.

Like, look at the futuristic backsplash.

"Modern contemporary", they call it.

You know, so I got all that shit.

And, you know, it's Don't Pay a Cent Event,

and then next thing you know, six months goes by

and all of a sudden it's the,

Okay Now Pay Every Fucking Cent All at Once Event.

That's what it turns into, you know.

And it kind of fucks you. It's all bullshit if you ask me.

Woman: (Yelling) Get the fuck out, you cock-sucker...

Just hang on, Marguerite, I'll be right there!

(Quietly) Jesus Christ,

I know you're supposed to respect your olders,

but some of them are fucking crazy!

(Cats meowing)

Okay, guys, listen.

There was another Samsquanch sighting last night,

so you're going to have to stay indoors again.

I'll put on that video you love, though. Here, look.

Look, the birds and the squirrels. (Giggling)

Marguerite: (Yelling indistinctly) Jesus Christ.

Marguerite: I'm going to fucking rip your nuts out!

Jesus, I'm sorry about that, Marguerite. It won't happen again.

Oh, bullshit, it won't!

And how many times do I have to ask you

for crispy fucking bacon in the morning?

I'm not paying for floppy bacon, and no detergent.

You're so god damn fucking slow, you're useless... (Booming hip-hop music)

Jesus Murphy, I'm sorry. I'll...

I'll get you an extra slice of rhubarb pie tonight for supper.

J-Roc: Hey, Bubbles. (Horn honking)

(Rapping) I said we late, man, huh

I said we late

Loud music and bad language

is forbidden in this park.

Hold on, Mr. Belvedere,

I can't really hear you, bitch.

(Volume increases) That better, dawg?

Oh, this how we gon' do it?

This going down? What you doing, bitch?

(Bang, music stops) Can't go on my bus without...

Help my fuck, you did not just do that, mah-fucker.

Let me tell you something.

I ain't give a fuck how many Hulk Hogans you took down,

you know what I'm saying? The S.S. Bitch Slap's about to board.

I'mma knock your lights out, you know what I'm saying, navy slut?

J-Roc, calm down.

Wait till my business partner finds out what the fuck you did, dawg.

Julian ain't gonna be happy about this.

Then we'll see what's up, won't we?

Then we'll see what's up, won't we? B-r-rap!

Just get on the bus.

I look forward to meeting him.

There you go, Colonel! (Mixed cheers)

(Chanting) Colonel! Colonel! Colonel! Colonel...

Thank fuck. The cops and the guards

bought a ton of hash off me this time when I was in jail.

And they're fucking great customers 'cause they pay full price,

'cause they're fucking dumb.

And I think it's great for the town, because now that they're buying hash off me,

they're roaming around with a little hash buzz on,

doing their stupid little patrols.

And since they started smoking hash,

police brutality: way fucking down.

(Horn honking) Ricky: Hey!

Hi. How's it going?

Good.

How's my little gram-son?

Hey, little buddy. Grampy's back.

And he's got hash money. Check that shit out.

Oh my God, he just kicked.

Nice! Where's Orangie?

Oh, man, he's with Bubbles. Oh.

You should see what a nice job Bubbles did setting up the baby's room.

Looks great. It's amazing. You have to see it. Let's go.

All right. Let's stop at the second handed store first though.

I want to pick up some stuff to sit on,

stuff to light stuff up at night, stuff to eat off of.

Can I pick up Cory? He can help load.

No, we can't pick up fucking Cory.

I told you, it's fucking family day.

Fuck Cory.

Well, you know, family time is important.

See, Trinity hasn't seen her dad in a while,

and Jacob's kind of part of the family, so...

you know, I haven't seen him around lately.

But I get it, I do. It's just, you know, I miss him.

But that's cool.

You know, they get to spend time together as a family,

and I get to spend time stacking these pins.

Doesn't bother me at all.

Man: Fuck out of the way, Cory!

Hey Donna, look what I brought you!

You want to go to the bedroom and get some dirty stuff going?

(Slap) Oh! No, I don't want to go to the bedroom,

you musky manatee.

Get that sweaty dill pickle away from me.

I remember when this sweaty dill pickle used to turn you on.

I don't. You're disgusting, Randy.

Oh, you're calling me disgusting?

Well, at least I don't have stink finger

from massaging seniors all day!

You hoarder!

You can call me a whore,

but don't you dare call me a hoarder!

Now go take a shower. Alone?

You and James Gandol-peeny there.

And wash under his turtleneck.

Hey! Watch that stuff, that's organized!

(Frustrated sigh)

(Hip-hop music)

Things haven't been going too good with Donna and I.

She wanted me to get a haircut, so I got this bitchin' mohawk.

I think it makes me look slimmer.

She doesn't like it.

(Hip-hop music)

There he is! Hey, Bubbs!

Julian! How's it going, buddy? Hey, J-Roc.

What's up, my man? Good to see you, homey.

Nice fucking ride, man! What's up, Paul?

Good to see you guys.

Fucking good to see you, Julian. How was jail?

Oh, it was all right, man,

but why'd you guys stop coming to visit me?

You know what it's like, man.

Just got busy... Getting ready for you to get out...

All right, that's cool. Listen,

I've got big plans for our money. So let's go back to my bar,

get drunk, and fucking talk about it.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Bubbs, you're fucking lying to me. What's wrong?

Nothing, just... Just what?

Hey, can I be straight with you right quick?

Please.

Um, it's like, we still got a nest, you know what I mean,

but it's like they're ain't no egg up in there.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Money's gone, bitch.

Oh, just hang on... (Angrily) How?

The money's not gone. It's not gone.

The egg's just not in the nest. It's scrambled and spread out.

J-Roc: Know what I'm saying, like it's a omelette.

It's like a omelette, financial omelette. Omelette,

financial omelette.

We just reinvested it, Julian,

but we got all kinds of assets now.

We got a... like a plaza.

Ah? It's like a mall. Wait till you see it, dawg.

Strip mall. It's, you know, we got a spa,

we got fucking five-star take-out restaurant with Chef Bubbles.

And who has one drink and one thumb

and owns part of this party bus? You, hah!

Bing-bong. You spent my fucking money

on this piece of shit? Correction, dawg,

I spent our money on this piece of shit. Sayin'?

You've got to be fucking kidding me! Julian, come on, dawg,

we had to do something when Barb closed your bar down.

Barb closed my bar down? That's right.

What... what the fuck... What are you guys talking about?

Now what's up?

Mr. Lahey and Barb changed Sunnyvale Trailer Park

into a retirement community for old people.

So your bar's like a spa now.

But Julian, trust me, you're going to be fucking blown away.

It is dizzope, isn't it, J-Roc?

I can't dizzisagree, that's the trizzoof.

Let's just get the fuck out of here, please.

A'ight. Don't be mad, Julian.

(High-pitched voice) Come here, I want to touch your belly! Doo-doo.

Bubbs... Doot. Bubbs, stop it.

Doot. I said stop it.

Well, I said... Well, I'm not in the fucking mood!

Stop it. Doo-doo.

(Horn honking)

Who's kinda smiling?

Bubbs, you turned my bar into a fucking spa!

I didn't turn shit... J-Roc, let's get the fuck going!

I'm trying, man... I think I flooded it.

Nice fucking bus. I got CAA, bitch. Hang on.

You don't gotta yell.

Five free tows in the first year, br-r-rap!

You should probably stay in the car, Dad. I'll go get Mom.

Actually, Trin, I want to make peace with the fucking dick

for taking care of you guys.

Trinity: That would be nice.

Lucy: Ricky. Rick!

(Slurring) We've got to fucking go...

we've got to go. We've got to go right now.

What the fuck is going on...

How could you ride me two hours ago,

and then just move out?

Look, George, I want to burn the hatchet at both ends.

And I want to thank you for looking after my family when I was in jail.

That's pretty big of you, bud.

Oh... motherfucker!

(Groaning)

Jesus Christ...

Go ahead, hit me. Yeah? Come on, hit me!

There's nothing more I'd like to do right now

than beat those little nipple-tits right off your fucking face.

But I can't, because my gram-son's more important.

Go away, Rick.

Take care of yourself, Georgie.

Fuck off.

Ricky: Am I cut?

No, you're all right. You're okay.

All right.

Okay...

You drunk, Luce?

I had a couple.

(Horn honking) (Grumbling) (Laugh)

Okay?

(Engine struggling)

(Engine ignition) We're a family again.

I can't wait to bang you, Lucy.

Trinity: Dad!

Julian: Fuck is up with this shit?

Bubbles: Gate, I told you about the gate.

Nice gate. Thank you.

You must be Julian.

See Julian, uh,

as a minority shareholder of the park,

you're welcome to come in, but...

you're going to have to abide by the new rules.

Rule number one:

no alcohol permitted in this park.

(High-pitched) Did I not mention that?

Listen, Julian,

I'll have a word with the Colonel.

Maybe we can make an exception for you.

Rules are rules, Jim. Here.

Can I go home now?

Play by the rules, and we'll get along just fine.

It's great to see you, Jim.

(Engine stuttering)

(Engine ignition)

Did I miss anything? Run along, Randy.

If we want something eaten, we'll call you.

I thought you told me there was no way

that he would give up his drink.

I'm as surprised as you are!

Don't even think about it, soldier.

Let's put up the full gate.

(Electronic horn beeping) Man: Look the fuck out, Clarence.

Move it or lose it, sweet ass!

(Sigh)

What do you think, Julian? This is the future right here.

(Giggle)

Why in the fuck is my trailer pink?

Welcome home, Julian!

It's pretty impressive, huh?

Can you believe this place used to be your shitty bar?

Come see. (Laughing)

Come on!

That went... pretty well. I think.

So, what do you think?

Same time tomorrow, Mrs. Sanderson?

Ms. Johnson, holla!

T, man, tell me you're not part of this bullshit.

Man, a hustler's got to do what a hustler's got to do.

Grinding, helping my elderly.

Julian, he's amazing with his fingers.

You should be proud of him.

Should I be proud of you for changing my bar and fucking it up?

It's pink!

Ah, Julian, after all the blood, sweat and tears

that we put into this place, I am...

Now I am really upset to hear you...

Oh, you're upset? Yes, I am!

(Sarcastic laugh) You know what, they made the park dry.

We couldn't serve booze in here anymore.

What the fuck did you want us to do?

How about coming to jail and fucking visiting me,

and telling me you're going to change all this shit

before you fucking change it!

What the fuck?

Are you kidding me? Thanks, T!

Well, that has totally fucked my chakra!

(Sniffling)

What the fuck is this bullshit and who the fuck are you?

Well, well, well.

You must be Richard. Ding, ding, ding!

I don't want any trouble, I just want to go home with my family.

I'm sorry, sir, but you are no longer welcome in this park.

What the fuck are you talking about? Says who?

Says the man who hired me to do this job.

Now I advise you to back this vehicle up

before I back it up for you.

Is that right? I advise you to suck my cock

before I suck my cock for you! Ricky...

Lahey, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah.

This is a decorated war hero,

Colonel Leslie Dancer.

I hired him to protect the park,

and it looks to me like he's doing a damn fine job.

Look, I'm using everything in me to stay calm right now.

I just want to go home, or I'm going to do

something really fucking un-smart here.

Go ahead. Make my day.

Oh, yeah? You got it, Colonel octopus cock!

(Engine revving)

(Cracking)

(Engine roaring) What do you think of that?

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Julian: Ricky, turn off the fucking car!

Turn it off!

Ricky, It's not even doing anything, you're just melting your tires!

...just let me into the fucking park! (Loud bang, engine stops)

(Mixed shouting) Bubbles: You blew her good, bud!

(Whispering) Listen to me, this is what these guys want

you to fucking do.

You've got to use your head,

or we're going to fucking lose here, all right?

Come on, man. Use your head.

Ricky, you fucked your tires.

Your family's welcome in the park, Richard.

It's only you that's not.

Fuck you, Lahey! Fuck you!

Yeah, fuck you! You can't break up our family.

This isn't fucking over, I can tell you that.

Bubbles, can you go get Orangie, man?

Apparently me and my family have to find a new fucking place to live!

Yes, I can... get him. (Engine ignition)

Ricky: This is fucked! (Engine sputtering, stopping)

Great!

Just put it in neutral, bud.

Jacob, get the fuck out here and give me a hand.

Is your fucking foot on the brake?

Lucy, do you want to give us a hand?

Fuck's sakes.

Holy fuck, this is heavy.

Man: (Yelling) Who pissed on the fucking toilet seat?

(Romantic music)

Ricky, I'm... so sorry

that things didn't work out for you the way you hoped.

You know what? I couldn't be happier.

I'm out of jail, I've got my family back,

I'm getting drunk and high as fuck.

And... I'm getting fucking banged tonight.

(Laughter) Yeah, me too.

Know where a fella can get a drink, bud?

Hey!

Yeah, I've got to share though, man.

Thank fuck.

Did you bring Orangie?

Yeah, I brought him, Ricky.

I got Orangie here, but he's not...

as active as he used to be.

That's fucking cool, you made a little model of him.

No, that's...

that's Orangie, Ricky. That's him right there.

What the fuck are you talking about, Bubbs?

He can't live like this.

No, he's... he's not living, Ricky.

No kidding! I mean, what kind of a living is it,

glued to a license plate, going around,

"Ooh, I'm on a fucking license plate"?

It's no life. No, Ricky,

I mean Orangie's... he passed on,

he's moved on to the land of the deadies.

(Exhaling)

(Voice shaking) What the fuck are you talking about?

Bubbles: He died, Ricky. (Sobbing)

Wait, Ricky...

Ricky, Ricky, come here!

Ricky, take a deep breath.

Ricky! (Sobbing)

Ricky, listen, maybe... maybe "dead" wasn't the right word.

I meant, you know, he's still here, Ricky.

He's still here,

he still exists in the space-time continuum.

The way it works is, like, when he ceased to be,

he actually turned into a different type of energy,

space-time continuum,

and the way the universe up there,

the black holes and everything

they wrap around there's...

string theory that can prove that different things,

and he can live here in the space-time continuum.

I mean, that's how the universe works, Ricky.

Black holes and thermodynamics

can fold over time-space like that,

so he's actually still...

ex... existing.

Okay. Man, you scared the fuck out of me.

I thought he was gone.

So he's okay. Thank God.

Here's to you, little buddy. To Orangie!

Well, he's not... he's...

Fuck. Yeah, Orangie.

Glad you're okay. You want a drink, little buddy?

Yeah, man.

No, no. Orangie. Well,

he's... he can't... yeah.

How's that taste, huh?

Do you want some bottle tokes? Shooters?

It's going to be a fucking late one tonight, boys.

What? (High-pitched voice) Hey, Orangie. Hm.

Drink.

Just one more for Orangie.

(Theme music plays)