Original subtitles

Yo. Hello.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you? You ready?

I'm ready.

Yeah? I've been ready.

Let's do J-Mac, man. He's got to have his coffee. Then there's a Red Bull.

We're at the push-up part. After the push-ups, then it's a shower.

And then you'll meet him. We were just building the anticipation, right? It's

been built. It's been built. Yeah? Yeah.

I'm anxious almost.

You excited for today?

I'm really excited. We're excited to have you.

You did your homework, as you told me earlier.

You went on the interwebs. You said the magic words.

You already know the special positions.

Very excited for the?

Full Nelson.

You'll get it. We'll get there. We'll get there. We're going to have exciting

times. I'm very excited.

All right.

My bad. I didn't even get your name. What's your name? My name is Rose

Carter. What's up, Rose?

Extremely cute.

Thank you. You look like you're the right size, too. How tall are you? I'm 5

'1". Perfect. And how much do you weigh?

I weigh 105 pounds.

All right, don't sit. Shh, be quiet, because we're like this thing where he

guesses the weight.

You know, it's like that carnival trick, you know? Okay.

This is actually like a carnival, like the whole thing. The Fool Nelson, the

Superman, the Flag Coast. We're going to guess your weight.

I'm going to be like, ah!

Exactly. There's going to be some unicorning.

Don't be afraid about the unicorn.

I don't think I know what the unicorn is. It just involves a very large thing

and your face, maybe some... I like large things.

Teabagging, but it might not be... Variational things.

Okay. Yeah.

We're excited to have you today. I'm excited to be here. Would you say you're

very flexible?

Yeah, I would say so.

Can you do the pretzel?

Yes.

Can you do the German pretzel or the American to Philadelphia soft pretzel?

Probably an American Philadelphia soft pretzel. Yeah, that's more like a figure

eight. Yeah.

I couldn't get my legs fully behind my head, but I can get them behind my arms.

I met this girl that could do, we call it the buck, and she would put her...

Feet behind your head and then like having like like her Oh, like your

horns? Oh, that's wicked funny. I love that. It's probably going to happen in

the full now.

Sometimes you see the buck or the scorpion is another one. We have a lot

of names.

We're just going to teach you through them.

The scorpion.

I really should just make a pamphlet. Okay.

All the things that are going to happen to you. I'm going to have to try some of

these on my own, my free time.

Yeah, it's all, but just like the tango, it's all about your partner. If you

don't have a good partner, your feet are going to get stepped on, some body parts

are going to get hurt, and you might get a, what we call a slip out and butt in,

you know, or a wrong hold. Oh, yeah.

Happened that we all, we've all been there.

Anyway, so do you think, do you, are you like a professional cocktaker? You're

flexible, but like, do you?

I would say I'm like a semi.

Semi? Semi professional cock taker. I'm really good at sucking dick. So I could

call myself a professional with that, but I haven't taken too many cocks yet.

You ever suck dick upside down?

No. Today will be the day.

Today's the day.

It's going to be like the Spider-Man kiss, but you know? Yeah.

Not.

Upside down. Remove the mask.

Just be boxers, not the mask.

Same kind of thing.

What's the biggest, like, how you caught a fish, what's the biggest dick you said

you would have taken? The biggest dick I've ever taken was seven inches.

Yeah? Yeah.

That's like a guppy around, like, showing with her hand.

I'd probably say it's like... It's funny how you went from your forearm... I was

going to try to show on my forearm, because I was like, you know, but then

I'm like, do you start from your pinky?

How do you measure? I was probably like, this one?

I think I might have had a bigger cock, but I can't remember.

We're going to test. We're going to see. We're going to see. Maybe once you pull

out his, it'll be a size comparison.

All right.

I was wrong.

Yeah, for sure.

I'm really excited.

Yeah.

We are, too. We are, too.

But before this guy comes in, I think we should play a trick on him. Okay.

I think.

What are we going to do?

I don't know. I feel like I want to have you, like, stand on the toilet and jump

out like a raccoon as soon as he opens up the door.

Can you do that?

And then I'm going to hide in the shower.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on.

All right. Ready?

You call him, and we're going to lure him in.

Okay. Ready?

Ready. One, two, three. J-Mac.

J-Mac.

It's like that horror movie. You have to say it three times.

J-Mac. J-Mac. J-Mac.

Told you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Good catch. Wow.

She said she's excited.

Wow. I had to jump right into your arms. I'm so excited.

Happens all the time.

Rose, J-Mac, J-Mac, Rose.

Nice to meet you.

This guy just comes in and that's it.

I like it.

She's tiny, dude.

She is tiny.

You want to go out there and guess her weight?

Let's do it.

We made it.

And this is where you will have sex today.

You like big dates?

I really do like big dates.

I haven't

seen one in a really long time.

It's been a minute.

You should give her the NASA test.

Okay, hold on.

You know what the NASA... I don't know. I literally just made it up in my mind.

You guys want to see what the NASA test is? Yeah.

All right. So you drop down, right?

Like, let go.

Uh-huh. Upside down. And then he spins you like you're a NASA... Yeah, there

you go. Can you do it?

G-forces. 5G, 5G.

All right.

Oh, this girl's in shape. Oh, my God.

Good for you.

She's like, let's go.

Let's see if her hands are bigger.

I think she can palm the basketball better than you can palm the basketball.

I can't even open my hands all the way up. I played basketball.

You did? Yeah.

Nice. It balled me up then.

What's up with your claws? I don't even know why I can't even open them all the

way. I'm like a gorilla, dude.

Yeah.

He might beat you on that one. Sorry.

Pop in the basket?

Yeah, yeah.

I could hold that ball.

You could hold the ball? Yeah.

No way.

One-handed.

I can almost, like, overlap yours.

What form is this? We got a bigger form.

Darn.

She needs some spinach.

Definitely some spinach. Am I Popeye? Like, what just happened?

Feel so little right now

Oh my god.

It's literally as big as my forearm.

It's literally the same.

That's insane.

Oh my god.

Big dicks, huh?

It's a freaking elephant trunk in your pants.

You can poke my eye out with that thing for sure.

It's so fucking big.

What am I supposed to do with this?

I don't even think it'll fit in my mouth.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

I love it.

I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm sorry.

Wow.

Oh my god, it's so heavy.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm

-hmm.

Woo-hoo!

Ready for the unicorn?

Yeah.

A unicorn.

Ta-da.

She's a unicorn.

I'm a pretty, pretty unicorn.

Have a peace sign. There you go.

Did you have fun?

I had so much fun. You're such a good unicorn.

I'm the prettiest unicorn.

Yeah, you are.

Till next time.

Time to hit the showers.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.