Original subtitles

SERLING: Tonight's stars:

Joe Flynn,

Cameron Mitchell,

Elsa Lanchester,

Werner Klemperer,

Pernell Roberts

and Susan Oliver.

Good evening. Please come in.

These little objets d'art that you see surrounding me

you won't find in your average art museum

because these are unusual painting and statuary

that come to life, or death, whatever the case may be,

because this is the Night Gallery.

For the horticulturist amongst you, here's a dandy.

A lady who plants things and then steps back and watches them grow,

roses, rhododendron, tulips,

and things never before to be found coming out of the ground just put in.

The subject of this painting has green fingers.

That the woman? That old chick?

Widow Bowen, 77 years old.

Lives on a $90 a month endowment and social security.

Go on. That's it, Mr. Saunders.

I made her the standard offer, I jumped it twice.

And what did she say?

She said her peonies were better this year than ever... John.

And she planned to put in tomatoes in April.

What she want?

Sir? What is her price?

A crummy stone cottage and a half acre of string beans...

What is her price?

She doesn't have one, she won't sell.

She'll sell.

We're just up against a New England biddy with a little horse trader in her.

You obviously walked through that door with your whole hand showing

and your tongue out,

so she can afford to be tough.

Mr. Saunders, I went in there with your offer.

And in each hip pocket, I had your second offer

and your final offer respectively.

She gave me a cup of tea, a wafer,

and we talked gardening for an hour and a half.

She's not about to sell out, to you or anyone else.

We'll see.

Mrs. Bowen? Oh, oh.

Yes, I'm Mrs. Bowen. Isn't it a lovely day?

You got a nice place here.

Isn't it though?

And look at those roses, aren't they a sight to behold?

You know who I am?

Well, you're not from around here.

The name is Saunders, Michael J. Saunders.

Oh.

Can I offer you a cup of tea?

I'm putting up a factory here, Mrs. Bowen.

I'm going to employ several thousand men.

That's nice.

I've bought up 11,000 acres of land here.

Over there, over there, over there...

Well, everywhere, everything, except right here.

Right here?

Right where we're standing, Mrs. Bowen,

this sort of rinky-dink pimple on the arm of progress.

My. Oh, yes, yes, there was a young man here.

That young man, he represented me.

Now, Mrs. Bowen, he offered you

a considerable amount of money for your place

out of respect, Mrs. Bowen, out of courtesy.

Yes, I recall. A great deal of money.

But, of course, it's quite out of the question, Mr...

Mr... Saunders.

Michael J. Saunders.

Mr. Saunders. You see, I've lived here all my life.

I was married in this cottage. Mr. Bowen died here.

That was of course ten years ago.

And he loved this garden. Look, lady,

I've come all the way from Philadelphia.

These roses particularly Mr. Bowen liked... Now, let's just stop the waltz.

Please, let's get down to cases. How much will you take for the place?

I won't take anything for it. I don't want to sell it.

You see, well, this is my whole life,

my garden and my cottage.

Why, I have no intention of selling it to anyone. Not to anyone.

Why, I could show you things that I've grown here that would amaze you.

I don't amaze, lady.

But one morning you're going to wake up

to the sound of bulldozers leveling these hills right off the face of the earth.

There's going to be 20 miles of railroad track leading right up to your front door

and a foundry nuzzling up the backyard.

There's gonna be assembly plants on either side,

I'm gonna have six smoke stacks blotting out the sun.

Now, how would that grab you? Hmm?

Lady, did you hear what I said?

Clearly.

There gonna be 11,000 acres of concrete, asphalt and steel.

But not on this spot. Here, there will be flowers

and vegetables and all sorts of lovely growing things.

You see, I have green fingers.

You got what? Green fingers.

Everything I plant grows. Everything.

Now, come with me just for a minute. Come over here.

I want to show you something. Now, look at that tree.

Nearly four foot high.

I planted it nearly a month ago. And do you know what it is?

It's a piece of kindling.

I know that sounds absurd, but that's what it is.

Why, the folks in the village, well, they thought I was a witch or something

because a week after I planted it, it had green sprouts.

And look at it now. A healthy growing thing

that will be a lovely shade tree someday.

Some men have very readable faces, Mr. Saunders. Yours, for example.

I can just see those wheels going round.

You can't butter me up and you can't bulldoze me off like those lovely hills.

Now you're thinking I'm not all there.

Or maybe a court order, or whatever those things are called,

to prove a person is not quite right.

Well, I have all my faculties, Mr. Saunders.

Look, lady, I don't care if you plant oilcans and up come gas stations,

but I am committed to an industrial complex here.

And this crummy little weed patch is a bone in my throat.

Now, I have studied 5,000 sheets of blueprints

and every line converges right here.

Now why can't you take my best offer and buy yourself another place,

build yourself another cottage and plant yourself another damn garden?

Well, what about it?

What about what?

Now, you listen to me, Mrs. Bowen,

you ain't exactly a sphinx. You can be read also.

You figure you got a good thing going here.

You figure you're gonna get me to hoist up the price

until I pay you the national debt.

You listen to me, lady,

I have already offered you five times what this museum piece is worth.

That is rock bottom line right now.

Now, you take it or you leave it.

When you were a little boy, Mr. Saunders, you must have been very spoiled.

You must have gotten everything you asked for.

Or screamed for.

Look, lady. Lady, I was never a little boy.

When I was eight years old,

I worked as a grease monkey in a garage for four bucks a week.

I was a hundred pounds of tight skin and bones.

I don't forget that.

And now, what I go after, I get.

I'm truly sorry, Mr. Saunders,

but this cottage, these flowers and these plants,

this you do not get.

Good day to you, Mr. Saunders.

Well, you have obviously met the enemy and she is not yours.

You listen to me, Ernie.

I have taken tycoons and stripped them down to their skivvies,

I have taken interlocking corporations that spread out all over Europe,

I've bought up their stocks and shoved them in my hip pocket.

I have turned banking houses into orphanages.

You think I'm gonna be stopped by some antique broad with a pitchfork?

Come on, John!

Yes, sir, I do.

You looking for me?

Your name Crowley?

That's right.

Your name is? Never mind.

Somebody fill you in on what's needed?

Old lady down in the cottage. That the assignment?

Her name's Bowen. So what's to do?

I thought somebody filled you in.

Oh, no. I know you want her off.

That much of the picture's been drawn for me.

What I want you to do is read me the limits.

There aren't any.

I can go the route?

Mmm. Within reason.

You're putting a hobble on me, mister.

You know, somebody says "within reason" to me,

it means I do it left-handed and with gloves.

And the other way?

The other way is you leave it entirely up to me.

I want her out of there. That's all I want.

You've got it. Breakfast time tomorrow.

What's going on?

That what we're trying to figure out, Sheriff.

We don't know whether to call Missing Persons or Homicide.

He's not here?

Somebody drove by a half hour ago, heard her scream, phoned in.

We were here in ten minutes easy.

The broken flower pots, the ax over there, that's all we got to go on, Sheriff.

Blood on the blade, add that.

Hey, Sheriff, got a radio call.

They picked up a guy in town. He ran a light.

His clothes were covered with blood.

Did you get a statement?

No, sir. They chased him and he ran into a brick wall.

He won't be giving any statements, not in this time.

My dear God.

What is it, Mrs. Bowen? Oh!

Oh, my God.

We'll get you to the hospital, Mrs. Bowen.

Looks like she lost part of her hand.

Finger. The man who did this is dead, Mrs. Bowen.

He came right into my kitchen. He didn't even knock.

And he had my ax in his hand. He must have got it from under the tree.

Then he went after me. He went right after me.

Then he grabbed my arm.

Now, come on, Mrs. Bowen. You've lost a lot of blood.

Oh, yes, I know. And you know,

he said he'd keep coming back and each time he'd cut off more.

First a finger, then a hand, then an arm.

He not coming back to do anything, Mrs. Bowen.

My finger. You know, he cut off my finger.

Larry, call the hospital and tell them we're coming.

I have green fingers, you know, Sheriff.

Everything I plant grows. Everything.

I've heard that, Mrs. Bowen.

Yes, of course, I think it's the soil, you know.

It's a combination of how I feel about planting things...

Careful here.

It's really an attitude about...

Yes, Mrs. Bowen. How a person feels, Sheriff, you see.

Get right in, get right in.

If a person feels... You know, when they...

What I mean is, you see, Sheriff,

if a person loves the earth and loves growing things...

Shock, loss of blood, age...

Happens this way when they're that old.

She was talking to me all the way over here.

Yes, they often do.

Like a cup emptying. Remarkable old woman.

I can remember her when I was a kid. The widow Bowen and her garden.

Planted everything.

Right up to the end.

When we found her, she was out there with a trowel,

digging and planting.

Planting what?

Ernie, what do you want?

I just came to offer my congratulations.

You sound unhappy, Ernie. Mmm-hmm. That's it. You're unhappy.

An old woman is dead.

I didn't order that killing.

You know that.

I just wanted to scare her off.

That animal Crowley just went too far.

But, you got to admit, he paid for the trip.

So, what are you doing now? Gloating?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah. That's the word you want to use, I'm gloating.

Nice scenery, Ernie.

Yes, sir, that old lady was right. She planted a nice garden.

Green fingers. Can you imagine? Green fingers.

My mama had a green thumb.

Yeah, my old lady, she used to grow these things.

I remember I was a little boy in Atlanta, growing them on the fire escape.

And I remember the names of most of them.

There was geraniums and zinnias and peonies.

Once, I think, she tried daffodils.

I think it was daffodils. They were like these over...

Oh, my God.

Ernie.

Oh, no.

Ernie!

Ernie, don't go! Ernie, wait. Ernie, come back!

Come back, Ernie, come back. Come back.

Ernie, come... Come...

Mrs. Bowen.

Mrs. Bowen, Mrs. Bowen.

Where are you?

Where...

All right, widow lady.

All right.

Where are you?

Where... Where are you?

Mrs. Bowen.

Mr. Saunders, I have green fingers.

Did you know that?

Everything I plant grows.

Even me.

There you are.

You want to hear something? Mama? Anybody?

You want to hear the funniest thing?

You know, from little acorns

mighty oaks grow. That's a fact.

But do you... Do you know what grows

from old ladies' fingers?

Hmm?

Old ladies.

Old ladies.

Funeral home art, you might call it.

Example, this item here.

The somber silence of shrouds.

The gray, unhappy light of a sunless dawn

and a horse-drawn casket,

very much in keeping with the motif of this place.

The title of the painting, Funeral.

Come in.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I am Milton Silkline.

My name is Asper.

Mr. Asper. May I take your coat?

Please.

Very attractive coat, Mr. Asper.

Thank you.

Attractive indeed.

I always think a touch of velvet...

Won't you be seated? Thank you.

May I say, Mr. Asper, that I'm very proud to meet you.

That's very kind of you.

Now then, how can Silklines help to ease your sorrow?

I should like to arrange for a funeral service.

Of course. You've come to the right place.

"When your loved ones lie upon that lonely couch of eternal sleep,

"let Silkline draw the coverlet."

Mrs. Silkline wrote that.

We like to pass that along to people that come to us for comfort.

Very nice. Extremely poetic.

But now to the point.

I should like to engage your largest parlor.

I see. Well, that would be the Eternal Rest Room.

It's purple. That's a royal color, you know.

Splendid.

I should also like to purchase your most expensive casket.

Well, I think that can be arranged.

With gold trimmings.

With gold trimmings.

I feel that Silkline will be able to meet your every need

in this moment of your grievous sorrow.

Of course, naturally, the things that you are requiring,

they will involve just a wee bit more expenditure.

Oh, please, please, the cost is of no importance to me.

I want only the very best.

Well, it shall be so, sir. It shall be so.

Capital.

Now, would you be interested in having

our Mr. Mossmound deliver his sermon

on "Crossing the River Styx Without a Paddle"?

I think not.

Oh. Were you planning, then, on having a denominational ceremony?

A friend of mine will speak at the service.

Oh, I see. Yes.

Now then, the name of the deceased, if I may ask?

Asper.

Oh. Relative?

Me.

Oh, pardon me, sir, I thought for a moment that you said...

Me. Me?

Well, let me explain.

You see, I never had a proper going off.

It was catch as catch can, you might say.

All improvised. Nothing... How shall I say?

Tasty.

I always regretted that.

I always intended to make up for it.

Really, sir. I mean, really!

What is it?

I am just as perfectly willing as the next man to engage in a little badinage,

but not during working hours.

May I remind you where you are. This is Silklines.

This is a most respected ossuary.

This is not a place for trivial joking.

This is not a joke.

Is that...

I came here with a purpose in mind and I expect to have that purpose gratified.

Do you understand?

Now, next Tuesday, at exactly 8:30 p.m.,

my friends and I will arrive here for the service.

You will have everything prepared by then.

But I...

Full payment will be made following the exequies.

Do you understand?

Well... Need I remind you, sir,

that this affair is of great importance to me?

I expect nothing to go wrong.

Oh, one more thing.

That mirror in the foyer, remove it,

and I may add any others

my friends and I may chance upon during our stay in your establishment.

Good night, sir.

Good evening.

Good evening. You're right on time.

I must say, you're looking remarkably well to need...

Would you follow me?

The Eternal Rest Room.

Absolutely marvelous.

Do come in.

Good, master. Is good.

Formidable.

Tasty.

Very nice.

Excellent.

Good. Is good coffin, master.

Aye, be that a casket or be that a casket, Delphinia?

Splendid. Splendid. Just what I've always wanted.

There, there, lad.

Well, try it on for size then.

A perfect fit.

Master look good. Look good in box.

Thank you, Ygor.

Bruce says we better start because he has a 9:15 appointment.

Good. Start, start!

Here, ducks, come and sit by me.

I likes the pretty boys, I do. Don't I, Delphinia?

Jenny, please be serious. You know how important this is to me.

Aye, aye.

Come along, old fellow.

Hello, pretty boy.

Tasty.

Dear, friends, we're gathered here together within these walls

to pay homage to our comrade Ludwig Asper,

whom the dread fates have elected to remove from existence

and ensconce within eternity's domain.

Count, the scene.

Tasty.

Thus has Azrael, that Stygian reaper,

extirpator of the lowly and the high, naturellement,

seen fit to institute a dark quietus on...

Clearer, clearer.

Jenny, please.

Seen fit to institute a dark quietus on the quiddity

of he who is délabrement,

indeed, we may say bouleversement, cannot but give us pause.

What'd he say?

This ain't no declamation tourney, lad. Keep it crisp, I say.

Toad's teeth.

Requiescat in pace, dear brother.

The memory of your eremitical quintessence can only obsecrate petition...

Bruce said he had to go now for his dinner appointment.

Count, please.

Am I to endure these vulgar cacophonies?

Well, la-dee-da...

Silence, woman!

Jenny, I'm afraid you're gonna have to leave.

No. He thinks to throw old Jenny of Boston out, do ye?

Well, you got another thing coming to ye then.

Jenny!

What are you doing?

Please, the carpeting.

Oh.

Tasty.

Sir, in addition to the contents of this box, I wish to tender my regrets

that full decorum was not affected by all of the guests at my funeral.

Except for that, the preparations, as arranged by you,

were more than satisfactory.

A friend recommended you to me.

Cost is of no importance.

Cost is of no importance?

Well, you've... You've come to the right place.

We have pomp's for all circumstances.

What is the name of the deceased, if I may ask?

Is it a relative?

We don't ask you to believe this particular painting,

death's head hovering over a jukebox,

but it does point out the all-inclusive quality of the occult.

Phantom specters can be found not only in haunted houses,

but in places you'd least expect to find them.

Places like this.

Our painting is called The Tune in Dan's Cafe.

Well, congratulations.

What?

You just established a new world's record for driving in silence,

325 miles.

Kelly.

Can't you wait up?

Well, at least we don't have to worry about reservations.

Kelly,

we got a few more days, maybe we could try and...

It's not like we have a bad life, is it?

I mean, we've got most of the things that people dream of having

and, well, we've worked hard for it. It's not like it was given to us.

That should build some kind of a bond between two people, shouldn't it?

What're you trying to do, memorize it?

Anybody work around here?

Hey, honey? Kelly?

You'll never guess what they've got on here.

Roy, you're gonna wear that record out.

Do you remember that song they kept playing the first night we met?

Starlight Ballroom.

Who was gonna tear the world apart, huh?

You.

Fifteen years ago. "Hello there, my name is Joe Bellman,

"and you are beautiful."

Remember that?

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Though you say we will soon meet again

That's not what I played.

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words from a poet's pen

Words like love

I don't even see that one on here.

And goodness

Words like till death

Till death

Till death

They must've made a mistake putting the records in.

Why should the jukebox work?

Nothing else has.

Well, just try something else.

Anybody here?

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Though you say we will soon meet again

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words from a poet's pen

Words like love, and truth, and goodness

Words like till death

Till death

Till death

Till death

Hope you haven't been waiting long.

I was out back, watering. I got a little garden out there.

What'll it be?

Kelly?

Just a hamburger.

Make that two.

You folks on vacation?

Heading home.

Where is it?

What?

Home.

Same place it's been for the past seven years.

You picked it out, remember? Fifteen rooms, swimming pool, tennis courts, gardens.

What more do you want, Kelly?

I don't know.

Maybe just some of those 15 years back.

And you think a divorce is gonna give them to you?

Kelly, they tore down the Starlight Ballroom ten years ago.

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Though you say we will soon meet again

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words from a poet's pen

Words like love, and truth, and goodness

What's with that jukebox?

What about it?

Till death

Well, it started up by itself and it keeps playing the same thing.

Mister, over the past five years,

I've had it fixed more times than I can remember.

I've changed the selections. I've even replaced the jukebox.

But that's the only song it ever plays. The only song.

But how?

Don't ask me.

You wouldn't believe it anyhow. Nobody does.

They just stopped coming here to eat.

I'd eat someplace else myself if I didn't own the joint.

How did you want these hamburgers?

What wouldn't I believe anyhow?

It just a theory, that's all.

I can't prove it, but nothing else makes sense.

You see, it was their song, Roy Gleason and his girlfriend Red.

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Roy, you're gonna wear the record out.

Then old Dan'll just have to put in a new one.

Hey, how's my baby?

For the hours I've spent here with you

Purr like a kitten.

Are like words from a poet's pen

Roy, people are looking.

So let them look.

What's wrong with kissing your woman in public?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong, Roy.

It's...

What if something we're to happen to you?

I... I don't think I could go on living.

Nothing is gonna go wrong, baby.

I know that store like the back of my hand.

There's only one clerk there at night.

And there must be at least five grand in that safe.

Honey, look, I'm getting tired of taking the risk for somebody else

and getting paid in pocket money.

I want you to have the best of everything.

It's beautiful, Roy.

Just a trinket.

Baby, you'll see, in a little while.

What do you mean "in a little while," Roy?

Baby, this important deal came up.

More important than me?

Red, get off my back. I'll be there in an hour.

Well, it better not be any longer!

Roy.

I just went for a ride with him, that's all.

Look, I got tired of waiting for you, baby.

I didn't do anything wrong!

Dan, where is she?

She'll be here.

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Sure she didn't call?

Man, I love that woman.

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words from a poet's pen

Words like love, and truth, and goodness

Dan...

Words like till death us do part

I know why she's not here.

Roy Gleason, we know you're in there.

You have ten seconds to come out with your hands in the air.

Take my heart, take my heart, take my heart

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words

Till death

Till death

Till death

Till death

Till death

Till death

Red picked up her $1000 reward and just disappeared from sight.

But it's almost like every jukebox I

install is waiting patiently for her return.

But then what?

If you leave me tonight I will cry

Though you say we will soon meet again

For the hours I've spent here with you

Joe.

Let's go home, Kelly.

For the hours I've spent here with you

Are like words from a poet's pen

Words like love, and truth, and goodness

Words like till death