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OK.

Sector 72 all clear.

Moving on to sector 73.

Sector 73 moving on from planet Neptune,

on to planet Pluto.

Remember, Pluto's not a planet anymore.

It's now a dwarf planet.

I don't like to judge by size.

Oh, well that's good to know.

Sector 73 all clear.

Roger that.

All clear.

Just like sector 1 through 72.

How much longer do we have to keep looking into deep space?

This is so boring.

What?

Are you kidding me?

This experimental software is 100 times more effective

than the old stuff we were using.

Yeah, so I get to see that space is 100 times more

empty than we all thought.

You know, you should consider yourself lucky

that you were selected to help me test this.

I mean I developed the software, and it's classified

to the highest level.

Nobody's even going to get this until we're

done with the testing trial.

Woo hoo.

All right. then.

Moving on from sector 73 to sector 74.

Scanning.

So by the way, what's going on with that girlfriend of yours?

Girlfriend?

You mean Candy?

I wouldn't call her my girlfriend.

We just started seeing each other.

Just like a man.

Terrified of commitment.

I am not.

Well what are you?

Afraid that if you get stuck with one girl,

you're going to miss out on something?

No, not at all.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

What are you getting at?

Steve, this universe has been around

for over 14 billion years.

Right.

So it'll still be around if we took a little time off.

OK.

I think it's time for us to stop exploring outer space,

and start probing a little inner space.

Well, I do like the thrill of exploration.

Dara to Alana.

Dara to Alana, please report to the control room.

Yes, Dara.

What is it?

Sorry to bother you, Alana, but I

want to report our position.

We have now entered the planetary system

with our target planet.

It is within visual range.

Excellent.

Put it up on the monitor, please.

Hmm.

Doesn't seem like much, does it?

It's got pretty colors.

Try to bring up any broadcast signals.

Let's get a better look at them.

Doesn't look too promising.

But if we don't find a planet to colonize soon,

our whole race could become extinct.

I know, but we're only one of several scout ships sent

to a great variety of planets.

Hopefully, the others will have better luck.

Shouldn't we at least just land and investigate?

Yes, those were our orders.

But I have a feeling the chancellor was well aware

of the nature of this planet.

What do you mean?

I mean that ever since I refused to become his bride,

I've been getting all the shitty assignments.

Why wouldn't you want to become the mistress

of our entire planet?

Have you seen the chancellor?

Ugh.

The idea of spending the rest of my life in his bed

was just too much for me to bear.

I see.

And quite frankly, Dara, my preferences have

always been a bit different.

Oh, really?

Oh, yes.

Why do you think I asked for you to be assigned to my ship?

I've often wondered.

Wonder no more.

Thanks, Darla.

Aren't you supposed to have class today, Candy?

It's not for another couple of hours.

That reminds me.

I've got to ask Rick to let me off early.

Good luck with that.

I know.

Hey, sweetness.

Hiring you was the best thing I ever did for this place.

Thanks, Rick.

Um, is it OK if I leave a few hours early tonight?

Wait a minute.

I scheduled you for an entire shift.

What are you talking about leaving early?

Come on, Rick. Give her a break.

Don't you have something to be doing somewhere else?

Where?

Anywhere.

Rick, come on.

I have to study.

I have a big astronomy test tomorrow,

and you know how important school is to me.

I know that I used to be important to you,

until all that school business got in the way.

You know this job is important to me.

I'm not talking about job, Candy.

I'm talking about all those sweet, sweet nights

that we used to spend together.

Rick, you know it's all over.

I started seeing a really nice guy,

and I don't want to screw it up.

Who?

That scientist guy, Steve?

You told me it wasn't exclusive with him.

But he's a really great guy.

I mean, look at the necklace he just got me.

Well ain't that sweet?

But I don't see a ring on your finger.

I know.

So I go?

It's getting slow.

If I can cover.

I don't know, Candy.

Come on.

It's really important.

Well, I might be able to be convinced.

You are horrible.

Come on.

I knew you still loved me, Candy.

I knew it.

Are you sure these are the proper coordinates?

It appears so.

There should be a population center just a short distance

in that direction.

It was wise of you to transport

us down in an isolated area.

Based on the transmissions we viewed, who can say

what their reaction would be?

Exactly.

Let's go.

This way.

This must be the path that leads the population center.

Yes.

We are very close now.

What is that noise?

Perhaps one of their starships.

Dara, look.

What is it?

I think it might be one of their transportation vehicles.

Put that away.

Their technology is obviously quite primitive.

That does not bode well for colonization.

Well howdy, ladies.

What brings two beautiful women like yourselves

out here by your lonesomes?

Isn't it a little early for Halloween?

Halloween?

We are walking into the population center.

It's going to be a long walk in them shoes.

Would you care for a lift?

A lift?

I'm not sure.

Oh, it'll be fine.

My name's Luke.

I'm Alana, and this is Dara.

Sure is nice to meet you gals.

And it is very nice to meet you.

I'm just heading over to Rick's.

I'd be happy to take you there.

Rick's?

Oh, it's just down the road a piece.

A piece?

Are there many people there?

Oh yeah.

Everybody goes to Rick's.

What do you think?

Why not?

Well hot dog!

Come on over, ladies!

Oh, where are my manners?

Rick, stop it.

You know, we tried this before, and it just didn't work out.

Come on, honey.

You know we're good together.

We've got chemistry, you know?

Yeah, but the problem is, you have chemistry with every girl

that walks into this joint.

That's not true.

Not every girl.

Just cute ones.

If you didn't have your charm and good looks,

you wouldn't know what to do with yourself.

Well luckily, I've got a large supply of both.

So you'll let me get off early for school?

Honey, getting off is exactly what you're going to be doing.

OK.

So I'll be leaving in a little bit?

Oh, sorry, baby.

I can't do that.

What?

Now Candy, you know it always picks up once the plant

closes for the day.

Can't have just be Athena working out there.

But I thought, since we--

Oh, shucks, darling.

It was fun, wasn't it?

Now get back to work.

There's lots of thirsty customers.

You'll just have to study between tables.

Men!

Hi, Lou. Usual?

Sure thing, darling.

Who are your friends here?

Well these here are--

Well my name is Alana, and this is Dara.

Hello.

I guess you guys aren't from around here.

We are from Dara.

A long way away.

Well, welcome to Rick's.

What do you guys want to drink?

We're just here to observe, actually.

Oh yeah?

Well Rick doesn't like it when people come in here

and don't put a drink.

But I think he'll make an exception for you too.

Hello, ladies.

This is an unexpected surprise.

My name's Rick.

You're Rick?

Then this is your place.

That's right, darling.

We hear everyone comes at Rick's.

Sooner or later, baby.

Sooner or later.

What can I get you to drink?

Dara. Dara.

And for your friend?

Alana.

Nothing for me, thank you.

I would like to observe your establishment, if it's allowed.

Sure, baby.

Sure.

Mi casa es su casa.

Thank you.

And for you?

I'll have what he is having.

Vodk, straight up?

That's my kind of gal.

Thank you, I think.

Hello.

I'm sorry.

I'm on a break.

Athena at the bar can help you.

I do not require anything from Athena.

I was just noticing your terminal.

You mean my computer?

Yes.

Exactly.

Computer.

What is it you're looking at?

Well, I'm studying astronomy at the local community college,

and this program connects me to orbiting telescopes

and amplifies them, so I can see trillions of miles into space.

- Really? - Yeah.

Why, are you interested in that kind of thing?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh my.

Is that what I think it is?

An asteroid.

Seems to be heading right for Earth.

Is that dangerous?

Don't you have a method to deflect it?

Well they must.

My boyfriend Steve is a scientist,

and he works in deep space tracking.

And he gave me this experimental program

he help me with my studies.

He's piloting the same thing right now.

How long until the asteroid hits the planet?

Wifi in here is so bad.

Rick is so cheap, he won't upgrade.

Wifi?

You know, for the internet.

Internet?

You know, we can go back to my place if you're interested.

I have a strong signal there, and we can track the asteroid.

I'd love to track your asteroid.

May my friend accompany us?

Oh, sure.

Anything over in sector 98?

No, sector 98 is clear.

- Holy crap! - What, what?

No, look at this.

There's a class 12 asteroid on a collision course with Earth.

Is that bad?

Are you serious?

With that you trajectory and that velocity,

it's going to be here in six hours.

What kind of damage can that do?

Right now, we're looking at a 3,000 mile wide asteroid.

We're talking an extinction level event.

And you know all this because of your experimental software?

Exactly.

We have to do something.

What can we do?

The Goldberg plasma cannon.

But Steve.

It's the only thing that can deflect this asteroid.

Steve!

The Air Force completed construction

on it six months ago, and it's just

an hour away up the mountain. We can go there.

We can do this.

Steve, don't you remember?

There was a key part of the software,

of the plasma cannon, that was never installed.

Of course.

They were afraid it was going to be leaked into enemy hands,

or maybe even hit the black market.

So as is, the cannon is totally useless.

I guess there there's nothing that can be done.

No, I have an idea.

Come on. Come with me.

Great.

Wait, what is it?

Here we are.

Home sweet home.

What is so sweet about it?

Oh, I know it's a bit rustic, but I like it.

I should be getting a signal here.

Dara, I want you to transport up to the ship

and use our sensors to track the asteroid.

Find out if it's really a danger to this planet.

She does not seem to think it is that big of a deal.

I know.

But we can hardly trust that primitive technology.

True.

I got a signal.

Let's go inside.

Oh, Candy, it is such a lovely day out here.

I would like to take a stroll around, if you do not mind.

Oh, I don't mind.

Just be careful.

There's a lot of government land out there.

You know, military stuff.

They don't like people poking around.

Just don't cross any fences, and you should be fine.

OK.

Thanks.

OK, asteroid.

Let's see what you're up to.

I wish I could be sure I'm reading this right.

I am just a student.

I believe you're reading it correctly.

Do you study astronomy as well?

It's a passion of mine.

You might even say I live among the stars.

I know what you mean.

Have you been interested in the stars for very long?

Oh yes, since I was a small kid.

I think it's wonderful to imagine what kind of life

might exist out there.

Indeed.

What about / have you always been into outer space?

Ever since I was a child.

Really?

It's so rare to find someone around here

that shares my interests.

But I'm not from around here.

No, you certainly are not.

Are there not others interested in science

on this plan--

I mean, in this area?

Well, my boyfriend Steve is a scientist.

It's what really brings us together.

But he's afraid of commitment.

I can't imagine anyone being afraid to commit

to a woman as beautiful as you.

Wow.

Well there definitely isn't anyone as

beautiful as you around here.

It's almost like it was fate.

Like it was written in the stars.

Oh, that is not good.

What was that?

What was what?

That.

Is that your cell phone?

That's an unusual ring tone.

Oh, yes.

That's it.

This is Alana.

Alana, this is Dara.

I have concluded the sensor sweep.

The asteroid is heading on a collision

course toward the planet.

How long until impact?

Approximately four earth hours.

Very well.

Continue to monitor the situation from orbit.

Alana out.

Don't be afraid, Candy.

I won't harm you.

But, but--

We can help you.

Who are you?

I'm sorry to have to tell you like, this but Dara

and I are from a planet that revolves around the star

you know as Alpha Centauri.

Alpha Centauri?

Yes.

We came here because our planet is dying.

We are searching many planets throughout this sector

of space for a new home.

You're aliens?

Yes.

Cool!

Cool?

I mean great!

Fantastic!

I guess you're not used to our Earth expressions.

We are learning.

But you do have some very strange

ways of expressing ourselves.

Of course, I can't complain about all of them.

Neither can I.

L am pleased that this does not disturb you.

But I'm afraid I don't have very good news.

The asteroid you detected is going

to crash into this planet, causing

the destruction of your world.

Really?

No lie, sister.

But can't you, you know, blast it with your ray

beams or something?

I'm afraid we have no ray beams.

We're an exploration team.

Our ship has no weapons.

Yeah, but on the TV shows, spaceships always

have weapons, just for defense.

I'm afraid not.

Steve.

Who?

My boyfriend Steve.

Well, he's not exactly my boyfriend, because it's early,

and we're not exclusive.

But he's just afraid of commitment.

And I've just been trying to tell him--

OK. What about Steve?

He works at the deep space tracking

facility up the mountain.

He'll know what to do.

Steve, what's the rush, big guy?

What the hell is he doing here?

- Where's Candy? - She left for the day.

Yeah, without my permission, I might add.

I've got half a mind to fire that little bitch.

Yeah well, if we can't figure out what to do,

you're not going to get that opportunity.

What do you mean?

What he means is that there's an asteroid

headed to earth as we speak.

Asteroid?

Yeah, I don't know exactly what we're

doing wasting our time here.

- Candy? - Steve.

Listen.

- There's an asteroid. - Yeah.

I know all about it. Where are you?

I've been trying to call you, but with no luck.

I'm home at my cabin.

You know spotty the cell phone reception

- is all the way up the canyon. - All right.

Stay right there.

I'm coming to you.

We'll be right there

Steve?

What did he say?

He's on his way.

He'll know what to do.

Let's go.

No, wait a minute.

What's all this about an asteroid?

Yes, it's true.

There's an asteroid on its way to the planet.

It's going to be here in less than four hours.

Well what in tarnation are we supposed to do about it?

Not much.

Listen, I'm trying to figure that out.

Just wish me luck.

That's it?

It's the end of the world?

Drinks on the house.

Now we're talking.

Athena, come with me.

Woo-wee!

What are you doing, Rick?

It's the end of the world, baby.

You know what that means.

Wait, you want to have sex with me?

Well, yeah.

Oh.

Now you want to have sex with me?

You have sex with every girl that comes in here.

But you only want to have sex with me when I'm the last woman

on the face of the planet.

No, it's not like that.

Then what is it like?

I didn't think you'd have sex with me

unless I was the last man on the face of the planet.

You're right.

- Steve! - Candy!

Thank God!

This is my friend Alana.

Hello, Steve.

Oh, Hello.

And um, this is my colleague, Rachel.

Oh hello.

And you must be the girlfriend he's not willing to commit to.

Oh, and you must be the cold as ice

bitch that he works with.

Not so cold, hey Steve?

Enough with the introductions.

Candy, where's your necklace?

Necklace?

- The one I gave you. - Oh.

It's right there.

I don't understand.

What does her necklace have to do with anything?

This is actually what's going to save the planet.

What do you mean?

Well, this is actually a Flash drive containing the final code

for the software needed to make the plasma cannon functional.

So once we upload this, we can blow

the asteroid to smithereens.

All of that from my necklace?

Cool!

Why would you give a top secret piece of software

that's the key to operating a billion

dollar cannon to this waitress?

Astronomy student, thank you very much.

It was the safest place I could think of

to keep it out of enemy hands.

Well I don't think so.

Hands up!

Rachel, what the hell is going on here?

What is that?

Alana, trust me.

Put your hands up.

Now if you will be so kind and just hand over the drive--

I don't understand.

I can't imagine you do.

You are such an idiot.

All that talk about keeping the program out of enemy hands?

My country planted me among the scientific community years ago.

So you're a sleeper agent.

You should know, stud.

What does she mean?

Nothing.

She's just waiting for the perfect time

to steal vital national secrets.

No time like the present.

What about the asteroid?

What about saving earth?

You think I honestly believe that crap?

You should, because it's true.

Whatever, toots.

Are hand it over.

I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that.

And just how exactly do you plan on stopping me?

Like this.

Well that was unexpected.

I'll take that.

What the--

Dara?

I read you, Alana.

I've been monitoring your situation the entire time.

I have the woman here, unarmed and in my custody.

Excellent, Dara.

Well done.

Here.

Should just take a minute.

Damn it!

What's the matter?

The signal here is too weak to reach the cannon.

We're going to have to drive up to it.

How far is that?

It's about 30 minutes as the crow flies,

but it's about an hour using these back wood roads.

And the asteroid will be past the point of safe destruction

within the hour.

I know.

That's cutting it close.

Yeah.

But tell you what?

Let's not waste any time.

Where am I?

You are on our spaceship, orbiting your planet.

Spaceship?

Yes.

Alana and I are not from your planet.

What, you're alien?

Yes.

Well then you don't care what country I'm from.

We only care about saving your planet from the asteroid.

The asteroid is real?

I never would have done what I did had I known.

I was on your planet for only a short time.

But I do not believe I encountered a woman

as beautiful as you are.

Well do you have to keep pointing that gun at me?

If you promise you will not try to escape,

your time aboard this ship could be most interesting.

Well I'm not going anywhere.

Here we go.

Oh, hurry, Steve.

- We don't have much time. - I know.

I know.

Come on.

All right.

Yes.

What's happening?

I just connected to the cannon.

We've got to upload the software to bring it online.

How long?

- Less than three minutes. - Crap.

Steve, come on!

Did you honestly think that I would trust you?

Well, I was hoping.

Sorry, sweetie.

But I spent a long trip away from Alpha Centauri,

and my batteries just needed charging.

Dara to Alana.

The asteroid is upon us.

We are aware, Dara.

We are priming the cannon now.

Hurry!

There's not much time.

Steve!

That's it.

It's online.

Now if I can just--

almost.

And--

Always both a lousy shot.

Come on, please!

We have only 30 seconds remaining.

Stand aside.

She know what she's doing?

Trust me, she does.

Yes!

All right!

Yes!

He did it!

OK, you guys know, we can't tell anybody about this.

That equipment we used is highly classified.

My lips are sealed.

I'm not sure who I would inform if I could.

What's going to happen to you, Alana?

And what about Dara and Rachel?

Dara informs me that she has beamed Rachel

back to her native country.

They are not going to be happy that she blew her cover.

She's going to be in a gulag for a long time.

Well I'm sure that's not the only thing she'll be blowing.

As for Dara and myself, we must

report back to our home planet.

What are you going to report back?

If I were truthful, I would report that the planet Earth

is ripe for colonization, has the perfect atmosphere,

plenty of fresh water.

But what about us?

I'm afraid that in any colonization,

the native population is exterminated.

But you can't.

And I won't.

Don't worry, Steve and Candy.

Dara and I will report back to the chancellor

that Earth is completely unsuitable for colonization.

Really?

That's awful sweet of you.

But then what will happen with your people?

There are many millions of worlds throughout the galaxy.

I'm sure we'll find one that is suitable for our needs,

and that doesn't have such lovely people as yourselves.

So you're leaving?

I must go soon.

But I do have time for perhaps one last celebration.

Wait, you mean--

I believe you call it menage a twat?

It's close enough.

I'm afraid my time here is up.

I have to go.

I really wish you could stay.

Yeah, me too.

It was pleasurable for me as well.

But as you earthlings say, all good things

must come to an end.

Farewell, Candy.

Farewell, Steve.

Peace out.

Dara, initiate transport.

I can't believe we just went through that.

I know, right?

Well, the planet is safe, though.

And if I mean one thing from this experience,

it's life is too short just let things pass by.

What do you mean?

Will you marry me?

Oh, Steve!

Any chance we can honeymoon in Alpha Centauri?

Dara set course for home.

What will we tell them when we get back?

The truth.

That Earth is a wasteland, unworthy of our attention.

Yes ma'am.

It's a passion of mine.

You might even say I live among the stars.

It's so rare to find someone around here

that shares my interests.

You are on our spaceship, orbiting your planet.

This experimental software is 100 times more effective

than the old stuff we were using.

Why would you give a top secret piece of software

that's the key to operating a billion

dollar canon to this waitress?

You have sex with every girl that comes in here.

But you only want to have sex with me when I'm the last woman

on the face of the planet.

That's not true.

Not every girl.

Just the cute ones.

Woo-wee!