Original subtitles

♪ [ Pop ]

[ Woman ] ♪ So why does it always feel like I'm the only one ♪

♪ The lonely one

♪ And everybody else is insane ♪

♪ And thank you for pointing out where I am going wrong ♪

♪ Keep going wrong

♪ And nothing's making sense

♪ Silent screams in my defense ♪

♪ And the best thing about this place ♪

♪ Is it looks good from outer space ♪

♪ But there's nothing

♪ Nothing here for me

♪ And the rules that you make never let me win ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm always a freak that can never fit in ♪

♪ Is there someplace somewhere ♪

♪ 'Cause the best thing around is the road that leads out of here ♪

♪ [ Chorus Vocalizing ]

♪ And sometimes I wish that I could be a part of it ♪

♪ A part that fits

♪ And people called me by

♪ My name

♪ Pretend that I'm fascinated by what's going on ♪

♪ What wars were won

♪ I promise that I'll be nice

♪ And thanks for all your help and advice ♪

♪ And the best thing about this place ♪

♪ Is it looks good from outer space ♪

♪ But there's nothing

♪ Nothing here for me

♪ And the rules that you make never let me win ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm always a freak that can never fit in ♪

♪ Is there someplace somewhere ♪

♪ 'Cause the best thing around is the road that leads out of here ♪

Thirty-three minutes, 21 seconds-- uniform inspections,

single file.

Eighteen minutes, 44 seconds-- songbook inspection, two by two.

Twenty minutes, eight seconds-- bloomer inspection, single file.

Accelerated by cartwheeling.

Fifteen minutes, 59-- 12-by-eight, house order formation.

Ninety minutes, 12 seconds-- total lining up...

in year order, class order, color order, rank order and alphabetical order.

- Are those exact times? - Yes.

- I need them to be exact. - They're exact.

♪ And the best thing about this place ♪

♪ Is it looks good from outer space ♪

♪ But there's nothing [ Birds Tweeting ]

♪ Nothing here for me [ Tweeting Continues ]

♪ And your rules that you make never let me win ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm always a freak that can never fit in ♪

♪ Is there someplace somewhere ♪

♪ 'Cause the best thing around is the road that leads out of here ♪

- ♪ [ Chorus Vocalizing ] - [ Tweeting ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Tweeting Continues ]

♪ [ Ends ]

[ Woman ] Esther, why must you always slam the door?

Why can't you just close the door like a normal person?

Normal.

How was your math test? Fine.

Did you buy me fish fingers? Was I supposed to?

Why don't you have an apple? Oh, I'm not hungry.

Or a-- a plum? Esther, there's a duck on my kitchen counter!

[ Laughs ] I think he'd like some fish fingers, don't you?

It's eating my blueberries!

[ Tweeting ] [ Laughs ] He really likes them!

No, no, no, no! No, no, no. No.

Bad duck! Esther, for heaven's sake, get him out of here!

[ Tweeting ]

[ Chuckles ] I still haven't received a single R.S.V.P.

Maybe the mailbox is broken.

[ Chanting In Hebrew ]

[ Mimicking Hebrew ]

Bumfuck, vagina schmuck.

[ Continue Mimicking ]

[ Chanting In Hebrew ]

Asshole-- [ Continue Mimicking ]

[ Corrects In Hebrew ]

[ Repeating In Hebrew ]

[ Continuing In Hebrew ]

Sodomy.

Hello?

Hi, guys.

Excuse me.

Missy? Lissy?

I was wondering if you could help me.

You see, I got myself into a bit of a pickle.

I know you hate me, but my mother thinks you're coming...

to my bat mitzvah on the weekend.

Here are your invitations.

I'd be very grateful if you could come...

so my mother has something to tell the caterers.

- Divine photo. - [ All Laugh ]

Thank you.

And if it's not too much trouble, could you R.S.V.P. by this afternoon?

[ Muttering, Scoffing ]

Name?

Esther Blueburger.

Esther Cheeseburger.

[ Giggling ]

Sock violation.

You know what that means?

[ Door Slams ] [ Scrubbing ]

♪ [ Piano, Distant ] [ Esther Panting ]

[ Duck Tweeting ]

Are you there, God? [ Duck Tweeting ]

Get me out of here. Please.

[ Tweeting Continues ]

Amen.

[ Duck Tweeting ]

♪ [ Drumming ] [ Woman Shouting Instructions, Indistinct ]

[ Karate Yells ] [ Shouting Continues ]

Five, six, seven, eight! [ Karate Yells ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

One, two, three, four, five. Five, six, seven, eight.

[ Counting Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Woman ] Okay, one. Kick, kick. [ Karate Yells ]

♪ [ Continues ]

[ Tweeting ]

[ Woman ] Okay. Four, five.

[ Tweeting Continues ]

[ Woman Chattering ]

Five.

♪ [ Drumming Slows, Fades ]

[ Tweeting ]

[ Distorted Voices Chattering ]

♪ [ Drumming, Distorted ]

[ Tweeting ]

[ Tweeting Continues ]

[ Button Clicks ]

[ Clicking Continues ]

[ Pounds ] [ Clicking Continues ]

[ Tweeting Continues ]

What's your duck's name?

Normal.

Good day, Normal. [ Normal Tweeting ]

How do you Rowen girls tell each other apart?

Serial numbers.

So, where do I find your bar code?

Well, RY8-slash-6B,

you seem to have malfunctioned.

[ Normal Tweeting ]

[ Punches Dispenser ]

Why do you always watch us through the window?

I don't. Yes, you do.

I know it's you. I see you.

[ Normal Tweeting ] [ Door Opens, Closes ]

Remarkable. What?

They seem to be getting further apart.

Show me that.

Whoops. My mistake. Reading it backwards.

All right.

They're moving at...

0.003992966 millimeters a week.

At this rate, you'll be getting them off in...

2055.

Sorry, Esther.

So, anyway, Arabella Mayfair has a brain tumor.

The caterers want to know if they can substitute Italian Gorgonzola for King Island blue.

I said I'd check with you. Honestly, I wish they wouldn't ring me at work.

The doctors said it was from cleaning toilets on detention. Tell them to call my office.

Shirley will handle them. Shirley? What does Shirley know about cheese?

I'm sure she knows the difference between Gorgonzola and King Island blue.

[ Normal Tweeting ]

So now Arabella's parents, Sir and Lady Mayfair,

are sending her to Yellow Hill Public.

As if a brain tumor isn't bad enough.

[ Father ] Do we really need more entrees?

[ Mother ] Well, it's hard to know without numbers.

Esther, if your friends don't R.S.V.P. by tomorrow,

there'll be nothing for them to eat.

Oh. That's okay.

They don't do that anyway.

They don't do what?

Eat. They're all robots.

What nonsense is she talking now?

Esther, call them tonight.

Okay.

Tell him not to do that.

Hi. This is Esther Blueburger. Please may I speak to Missy?

Hi. This is Esther Blueburger.

Blueburger.

Blueburger.

Blue-burr-ger.

Blue-burr-gerr.

[ Gargles, Spits ]

Hi, Missy. It's me-- Pissy.

Hi, Missy. Are you coming to my bat mitzvah?

Mm, no. To my party.

I thought, since you didn't reply,

you thought you had to be Jewish or something to come.

I mean, you don't have to come to the synagogue first if you don't--

[ Sighs, Mutters ]

Daddy said I could choose between King Island blue and New Zealand Gorgonzola.

So I put my foot down and chose Gorgonzola.

King Island Blue is, like, so 2006.

- [ Phone Beeps ] - Hello?

Missy?

- What happened? - They busted the betting ring.

- How? - [ Sighs ]

Some bum-sucking scoundrel dobbed me in.

The prefect gestapo are going to give me six of the best.

[ Groans ]

Does my bum look big in this?

[ Chorus ] ♪ Oh, tell my baby sister

♪ Don't do what I have done

♪ So shun that house

♪ In New Orleans

♪ They call the Rising Sun

Listen again. "R-R-Rising Sun."

♪ Rising Sun

From the beginning.

♪ There is a house

♪ In New Orleans

♪ They call the Rising Sun

♪ And it's been the ruin

♪ Of many a poor girl

♪ And me, oh, God, I'm one ♪

Stop.

You.

[ All Muttering ]

♪ And me, oh, God, I'm one

[ Quickly ] ♪ And, me, oh, God I'm one ♪

[ Laughter ]

[ Teacher ] Louder.

[ Quickly ] ♪ And, me, oh, God I'm one ♪

[ Laughter ]

[ Twittering ] [ Esther ] You heard what Mum said.

It's just for the weekend. I promise.

Why can't I just wear my sneakers?

Don't you want to look normal?

Don't mind her.

She's just sulking because I won't let her duck come to her bat mitzvah.

Have a walk around. See how they feel.

[ Sighs ] I can't walk in these.

Do you have any flatter heels?

No. I like them this high.

Do you have any in red?

[ Chattering, Indistinct ]

[ Sighs ]

Hmm.

[ Sighs ]

[ Chanting In Hebrew ]

[ Chanting In Hebrew ]

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you...

and be gracious unto you.

Amen.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make--

[ Murmuring ]

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you...

and be gracious unto you.

Amen.

Mazel tov. Mazel tov.

Mazel tov. [ Chattering ]

- [ Chattering ] - Mazel tov.

Mazel tov.

- Isn't that a charming dress. - Thank you.

And it looks so pretty with that tie.

You've put on some weight since last time I saw you. Thank you.

Who did your hair? Um, me.

You should see Stella. I can't recommend her enough.

She does a lovely job with coarse, dry hair like yours.

Have you ever thought about getting a perm?

♪ [ Man Singing In Hebrew ]

[ Girl ] Hey. Cinderella.

You forgot something.

Nice outfit.

Oh, this old thing?

It's brand-new. Do you like it?

- No. - My mum made me wear it.

And the tie?

My Dad made me wear it.

You do everything Mummy and Daddy say?

Yes. No.

Sometimes.

What are you doing here?

My nan and pop live in 22.

Esther! What the hell are you doing?

I-I was just-- The Silvermans need to leave early.

I was just saying hi to-- Sunni.

Can you please hurry up? The Fleishers are asking for you. I have a million things to do.

Have you said "thank you" to them yet? Hey,

do you want to come in? Esther!

You can't just invite people off the street to your party.

Didn't you get my R.S.V.P.?

Oh, yeah. The mailbox is broken.

[ Man ] ♪ Hava nagila

♪ Hava nagila

♪ [ Continues ]

What's this?

Poo on toast.

Yum.

I've never been to one of these. What's it for?

It's my coming-of-age ceremony.

What does that mean?

I'm a woman-- I think.

Esther, I've got Stella's number for you.

Hi. I'm Sunni.

Hello.

- How do you know Esther? - Uh, our parents are friends.

Really? I'm sure I don't know them. What do they do?

- They deal drugs. - Pharmacists?

Sort of.

Um, what do your parents do?

The little yeshiva bocher is running late for school.

So he's hurrying fast as he can.

In his haste, he trips over a stone and drops his lunch.

To his amazement, his bread falls with the schmaltz side up.

When he gets to school, he explains to the rebbe what happened.

The rebbe hits him across the head,

tells him he's a liar and sends him home.

When his father comes home, the yeshiva bocher explains why he's not at school.

And his father says, "You liar!"

But the yeshiva bocher insists and insists.

And eventually both his father and the rebbe believe he might be telling the truth.

But they still can't work out how it could have happened...

that the bread fell with the schmaltz side up.

So they call a meeting of the shtetl elders.

And they discuss and deliberate,

and after many long hours,

the head rabbi announces they have found the solution.

He put the schmaltz on the wrong side!

[ All Laughing ]

To the twins.

May they always land schmaltz side up.

[ Crowd ] Lehayim.

♪ [ Man Singing In Hebrew ]

[ Rhythmic Clapping Continues ]

[ All Shout ]

[ Laughing ] Whoo-hoo!

[ Laughing ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Girl ] Sorry I couldn't make it to your bat mitzvah, Esther.

I was washing my hair.

Oh, really?

I would never have guessed.

You should see my hairdresser, Stella.

She does a lovely job with coarse, dry hair like yours.

[ Gasping, Laughing ]

[ Male Teacher ] Morning, girls.

Today we are going to learn about the digestive system.

Line up in alphabetical order and collect...

your utensils and apparatus.

[ Teacher ] Any duck will do. You just need one.

Take it back to your desk and lay it on its back.

[ Chorus ] ♪ Why does it always feel like I'm the only one ♪

♪ The lonely one Pick up your scalpels.

We are going to find out what ducks eat for lunch.

♪ And thank you for pointing out ♪ ♪ [ Continues ]

Cut across the stomach in one line...

from left to right.

Don't press too hard.

Slice the flesh, as if it were a mango.

♪ Is it looks good from outer space ♪

♪ But there's nothing

♪ Nothing here for me

♪ And the rules that you make never let me win ♪ [ Girls Giggling ]

♪ And I'm always a freak that can never fit in ♪

♪ Is there someplace somewhere ♪

♪ 'Cause the best thing around is the road ♪

♪ That leads out of here ♪

Hey, Esther Blueburger. Thought I'd see you here.

Hi. What's wrong?

[ Crying ]

Oh, Christ. Is that Normal?

I'd recognize him even without his feathers.

What happened?

Murder.

Wait.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you.

Sunni,

how many school uniforms do you have?

[ Girls Laughing, Chattering ]

♪ Don't you think it's time

♪ Time to start anew

♪ Time for changin' views

[ School Bell Rings ] ♪ Time for makin' up your mind

♪ And don't you think it's time ♪

♪ Time for movin' on

♪ Time for growin' strong

♪ Time to leave the past behind ♪

[ Chattering ]

♪ You've been on my mind

Uh, Louise Antanosa?

♪ Oh, you've been on my mind

Ow! [ Indistinct ]

[ Teacher ] Is she here?

Sunni Kirey? [ Sunni ] Sorry I'm late, Miss.

Had to help the new girl find her class. [ Girl ] Oh, my God.

What's your name?

Huh? Uh-- She doesn't speak any English.

She's from Sweden.

[ Esther ] Swedish? I can't speak Swedish!

That's all right. Neither can she.

That's not the point.

Don't chuck a spaz. It's roll call. You only need to know one word.

Mr. Hooper? We have an exchange student from Sweden.

So we do.

And what's your name?

Esther-- Uh, uh!

Don't just tell me.

Introduce yourself... with a poem.

- Huh? - En vers.

- But-- - Don't be shy.

- What kind of poem? - Just a short one.

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Swedish Accent ] Blueburger.

Er.

Blue-burge.

Er. Blueburg.

[ Girl Giggles Softly ]

Ger.

Blue-bur-r-r-r.

Urger.

- Blue-buh! - [ Laughing ]

Urger. Blue-buh.

A burger.

- Bluh. - [ Laughing ]

Ooh-burger. Buhl.

Blueburger. Buh.

Blueburger. [ Laughter ]

[ Applauding ]

That was so Swedish.

[ Sunni ] Hey, did I ever tell you this place used to be a zoo?

Come on. I'll show you.

Hey, Helen. 678 times 492?

333,576.

Remarkable.

♪ [ Pop ] [ Sunni ] The Nerds.

The Pony Club. That's for weirdos.

The Wax Heads.

The Lollipops. Big heads, stick bodies.

The Rah Rahs.

The Emos.

You too can see the light, my friends. The Bible Bashers.

[ Chattering ] The Braidy Bunch.

The Social Climbers.

[ Laughing ] The We-Hate-Abby Crew.

[ Esther ] Who's Abby? A former leader of the We-Hate-Sarah Crew--

briefly an Emo, now a leftover.

You can hang with us till you decide who you want to be. Who are you?

We're the ones they still want to keep caged up.

The Lion Pits.

[ Girl ] What's she doing here?

She's gonna sit with us. Who said?

Me. Why?

- It's an experiment. - It is?

- She changed schools in secret. - You're not meant to be here?

My parents think I'm at Rowen.

She's not even enrolled.

Shut up!

I guess you could call me an illegal alien.

An illegal alien? That's-- That's pretty cool.

Want a smoke?

No, thanks. I'm trying to give up.

[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]

Who's that?

It's my dad.

Does he still ride that bike?

Don't know. He's in New Zealand. See that scar?

That's from a gang fight. He used to ride with the Infernos.

Cool.

How are you, baby? How was school?

It sucked. [ Chuckles, Kisses ]

This is Esther. This is my mum, Mary.

Hello. Hi.

I'm just going to get changed.

Okay. You go to school with Sunni?

No. I mean, yes.

I don't know. Sometimes.

She does now. But it's a secret. From who?

Mum and Dad. They think I'm going to Rowen.

[ Sunni ] They won't let her leave. I'm gonna tell them.

- Just not yet. - I'm lending Esther my uniform so she can come to school.

I'll give it back as soon as I get another one.

She's gonna come here before and after to get changed.

Um, it... doesn't really fit, but--

So I made it a bit longer. I hope you don't mind.

Hell no. I think it looks cool.

- Really? - Mum went to Rowen too. Didn't you, Mum?

Did you?

- Nan and Pop made her board. - Even though we lived 15 minutes away.

But she ran away.

I had to. I was pregnant.

With me.

Wow.

Aren't you gonna get in a lot of trouble when they find out?

[ Gasps, Screams ] [ Laughing ] Bull's-eye!

What the hell? Door trap.

Oh, you idiot!

You got some numbers for me?

No.

Jacob, listen. You have to help me.

[ Jacob ] How about this one? Guinean flu.

Patients are highly contagious and must be quarantined for up to three months.

Yeah?

Confined to remote regions of the Papua New Guinean highlands.

[ Groans ]

I've got it.

It's perfect-- foolproof. What?

The Bermuda Triangle.

The Bermuda Triangle?

You went on a business trip with Dad and your plane vanished.

- Do you think Rowen will buy it? - Not for a second.

[ Typing ] Okay.

What about--

We could murder Mum and Dad.

- How? - Instead of water, I could put an ax in the bucket.

They come in to say good night, and boom--

Down comes the ax, slicing them clean in half.

Yeah! That should just about do it.

Two axes. We'll need a bigger bucket.

Just tell them we're moving.

Where to? Mmm--

To--

To Sweden!

[ Typing ]

"Growing girls need iron, riboflavin, wheat, B1 and B2.

Strong man food." Hmm.

Mum?

Hmm?

Were you cool when you were young?

Yes, of course.

Bullshit.

Why are you being so odd?

Mum, do the trigonometric functions form a complete basis...

for the space of all continuous functions? Yes.

But the function must have compact support.

Sit down before you-- Mum, can I peroxide my hair?

- Mum, can I get a speedboat? - Absolutely not.

[ Both ] Why not? Oh, now you see?

I wish you children wouldn't eat in your uniforms!

Whoops.

For Pete's sake! Now you have to get changed.

♪ [ TV: Jazz Theme ]

[ Male Announcer, Indistinct ]

[ Mary ] I think it's the headmaster. What do you think?

Could be the nun.

No. Too obvious.

[ Woman ] I am the subject of a very important scientific experiment.

[ TV Continues ] [ Sunni ] Want some Goober Grape?

Mm-mmm.

You're dribbling toothpaste on your shirt. Now you'll have to get changed.

Yeah. I want to see what happens in the end.

Fritz turns into a pork chop. Come on. You're gonna be late.

[ Groans ]

Bet your parents aren't this strict. [ Phone Ringing ]

[ Laughter ] Mum! Mum!

Hello? [ Laughs ]

Yes, this is Mary.

Oh. Um, okay.

Okay. Yeah. Fabulous.

Uh, yeah. I'll see you then, then.

See you. Bye. [ Phone Beeps ]

I got an interview.

Where? [ Exclaims ]

Abode Real Estate.

Oh, my God, baby.

You're gonna have to come suit shopping with me. Next Monday after I get paid.

Can't. Got drums. [ Sighs ]

I'll come. I know about suits.

You do?

And ties. My dad wears them.

You can even borrow my mum's briefcase.

[ Mary Laughs ] Okay.

Fabulous. [ Laughs ] All right. You're on. We've got a date.

Hey?

[ Inhales, Exhales ]

Cheeseburger?

What are you doing in that uniform?

Uh--

I suppose it's okay if I tell you.

Tell me what?

I'm the subject of a very important scientific experiment.

What kind of experiment?

The cultural exchange. I've never heard of it.

Uh, that's because it's top secret.

I've been specially chosen to exchange places...

with a public school kid to collect numerical data--

You mean to say we have a public school kid spying on Rowen?

Who?

I really can't say.

Well, give me a clue.

I better go.

[ Whispering ] The walls have ears.

♪ [ Rock ]

♪ [ Continues ]

♪ You'll be a woman to me

♪ Because I like what I see

♪ The way you're crossin' your knees ♪

♪ It makes me say pretty please ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ You make me feel like a man [ Motor Rumbling ]

[ Laughs ] [ Laughs ] Ready?

♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

♪ I do not break in your hand

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman, woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

♪ Be a woman Be a woman ♪

Shotgun the baseball cap. No way. I already did.

We'll swap after 15 minutes.

Esther, you can have the one with the braces.

What if we get them caught?

♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ [ Ends ]

What's wrong? Nothing.

It's just that you taste a bit like Cheezels.

They get stuck in my braces.

Same. Don't you like Cheezels?

I prefer Burger Rings.

Could I touch your boobs?

No.

♪ [ Resumes, Fades ]

[ Mother ] Dad and I are going to the opera tonight. Okay.

There's some shepherd's pie in the-- Hmm. A letter from Rowen.

Shepherd's pie in the fridge. Uh, that's for me.

Ah! Since when have you been Osmond and Grace Blueburger?

Mum, before you read it--

- For Pete's sake! - Mum, there's something I have to tell you.

- I don't believe it. - Mum, I can explain!

- What's wrong with your old raincoat? - What?

[ Sighs ] Honestly, that school. They're demanding $99 for a new school raincoat.

Come get me my briefcase, and I'll write you a check before I forget.

What did you want to tell me? Oh, nothing.

Mum, can I stay at Missy's tonight?

Who?

Missy. From school.

We have to do an assignment together.

I don't know. Uh, put that on the next shelf...

so you won't squash the pie!

[ Sighs ] Mum, please!

Don't whine. It gives me a headache. I'm not.

Please!

At least have dinner with your brother.

Thanks, Mum.

And don't forget to take a jumper.

[ Sighs ]

How was the office, love?

Most productive.

I stabbed Henry Duff through the hand with a compass.

How interesting.

Yes, it was interesting.

His splayed fingers made a perfect semicircle.

You're not joking, are you?

Jesus. But he's your best friend.

Not anymore.

You're a psycho. I'm going to Sunni's.

At least I don't talk to God through the toilet.

[ Door Closes ]

[ All Laughing ] ♪ [ Techno ]

Socks or no socks? Socks.

Do my boobs look bigger?

[ Girl ] What boobs?

Do I actually have to wear this wig? Well?

You look like a dog.

[ Chuckles ] [ Sunni ] Matches your braces.

Where's your mum?

At work.

But they're not open at night.

She's got, like, two jobs. She's at her other job.

What's her other job?

She's a dancer.

♪ [ Ends ]

Does your mum dance every night?

Most nights.

Do you mind?

[ Imitating Duck ]

Never fear, Esther is here.

Thanks.

I feel much better now. [ Giggles ]

♪ [ Kids Vocalizing ]

♪ You've seen the difference

♪ And it's getting better all the time ♪

♪ There's nothing you and I won't do ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]

♪ I'll stop the world and melt with you ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]

♪ Dream of better lives the kind which never hate ♪

♪ Dropped in a state of imaginary grace ♪

Night, Urger Burgers. ♪ [ Continues ]

Night, Bluble Urb.

♪ [ Continues ] Night, Gurble Gob.

Night, Guggle--

♪ Long gone by ♪

[ Osmond ] Do you want to grow up to be a criminal?

Is that it?

Do you want to land in jail?

[ Grace ] We are trying to understand you, Jacob.

Why do you have to do things like that?

It was an accident.

How is that possible,

to accidentally stab someone in the hand with a compass?

He called me a "dirty Jew." [ Grace ] He called you what?

They're always making Jewish jokes.

[ Osmond ] Honestly, Jacob? Who are?

The kids.

And the teachers.

The teachers?

I swear. They're all anti-Semites.

Sweetie, why didn't you tell us this before?

Genius.

♪ [ Instrumental ]

Mum, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Jacob.

What a strange question to ask at the dining table.

Daddy and I have decided we're going to start seeing a family psychiatrist.

Did you hear what I said?

- Why? - There is something terribly wrong with this family.

♪ [ Ends ]

[ Gasps ]

Not one word.

Esther, wouldn't you like to go to the same school as Jacob?

Daddy and I were thinking Temple Solomon might be better for you too.

I have got to go.

[ Grace ] But you haven't eaten breakfast.

But I have an early class.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Grace ] Where's your raincoat?

I haven't got it yet. Don't tell me you lost that check.

No, I-I-I gave it to them, but I'm getting it today.

Maybe I should call your school and find out what's going on. Mum, no.

I'll get it today. I promise.

Want to get ready for Sunni's party together?

Okay. Oh, but I have to go to the psychiatrist first.

You're going to a shrink?

Oh, not just me. The whole family. What for?

There's something terribly wrong with my family.

What?

My brother's a retard and my mum's a psycho.

Hey, Esther, isn't that your raincoat?

Come on. Let's go.

I'm serious. It's the Rowen raincoat. Please. Come on.

I thought you said you needed a raincoat. I do.

Well, go on. Go get it before she gets away.

Are you too much of a pussy?

- She's not gonna do it. - No way.

Ohh!

Hi, Esther. How was Sweden?

Shut up and give me your raincoat! What?

Give me the raincoat, Slug!

[ Girls Cheering ]

Esther, hurry up. Come on. Hurry.

Go, Esther. Go, Esther. [ Growls ]

That was awesome. That was just so good.

Did you see her face? "Help! Help!"

"Esther, what's happening?" [ Sunni ] You really showed her, didn't you?

Didn't know you were such a bully.

What's the matter? Are you losing control of your experiment?

You used to be cool.

Yeah, well, Sunni's little private school duckling's growing up.

You know what? Screw you.

Sunni, wait. Oh, shit.

[ Esther Groans ] [ Girl ] She'll come around.

No. My mum and dad are picking me up from Rowen today. Sunni's got my uniform.

Oh, crap. Don't worry. You're all covered.

Just don't take the raincoat off. Oh, God.

They put me in the lowest Hebrew class.

That's all right. You'll catch up in no time.

I got my new raincoat. The next left.

We can always get you a Hebrew coach. Mum,

I got the raincoat. What were the other children like?

Fat and boring. Don't you want to see? Mum!

[ Grace ] Not now, Esther. Can't you see we're talking to Jacob? That was it. You missed it.

You said left. We're gonna be late. We're gonna be late.

You said left. We won't be late.

You said left. You did, darling. I said right.

[ Apple Peeling ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Scribbling ]

[ Yawns ]

[ Woman ] ♪ So the floodgates open but nothing comes out ♪

♪ I'm feeling no relief in my head, just doubt ♪

♪ But my heart keeps telling me hold your ground ♪

♪ You'll never learn a thing if you bail out now ♪

♪ And I'm lonely again tonight

♪ I can feel it like a knot in my side ♪

♪ They keep saying this is part of your ride ♪

♪ But I'm not getting stronger

♪ [ Continues ] When are you gonna lose yours?

How do you know I haven't?

Wow! No, not yet. But I will soon.

Me too. I don't want to be a 14-year-old virgin.

♪ I see you there

♪ [ Xylophone Chimes ] ♪ And the floodgates open but nothing comes out ♪

Happy birthday, Sunni.

I, um-- We made--

I--

- Hey, Mary. - Hello, ladies.

Hey.

Oh, cool. Fairy bread. Love the lippy. [ Chuckles ]

Hey, baby, you want to get the girls a drink?

Sunni?

Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!

[ Cheering ]

♪ Why was she born so beautiful ♪

♪ Why was she born at all [ Mouthing Words ]

[ Imitates Horn Tooting ]

♪ Because she had no say in it ♪

♪ Her parents did it all ♪

Yes, well, here you go, darling.

If the knife comes out dirty, you have to kiss the nearest girl.

You still on for next week, Esther?

- Hmm? - You know, late-night shopping.

Oh, yeah.

Esther's gonna dress me up in a suit.

Like the big kahuna.

This party's getting boring.

[ Scoffs ]

- Let's go. - [ Mary ] Sunni.

It's okay. Go on.

[ Woman ] ♪ Three, six, nine

♪ Three, six, nine

♪ Three, six, nine

♪ Three ♪ Three

♪ Six ♪ Six

♪ Nine

♪ Three, six, nine The goose drank wine ♪

♪ The monkey chew tobacco on the streetcar line ♪

♪ The line broke and the monkey got choked ♪

♪ And they all went to heaven in a little rowboat ♪

♪ Clap pat, clap pat Clap pat ♪

♪ Clap slap

♪ Clap pat, clap your hand Pat it on your partner's hand ♪

♪ Right hand Clap pat, clap your hand ♪

♪ Lay it with your left arm Pat your partner's left palm ♪

♪ Clap slap, clap your hand Put your partner's right palm in your right palm again ♪

♪ Clap slap, slap your hand Slap your thighs and sing a little song ♪

♪ My mother told me

♪ If I was goody

♪ That she would buy me

♪ A rubber dolly Look, Esther, it's your boyfriend.

♪ [ Continues ] He's not my boyfriend.

♪ Now she won't buy me a rubber dolly ♪ Bye.

[ Kissing Sound ] See ya, sexy.

♪ The goose drank wine The monkey chew tobacco ♪

Wait. ♪ On the streetcar line The line broke ♪

♪ The monkey got choked And they all went to heaven in a little rowboat ♪

♪ Clap pat, clap your hand Put it on your partner's hand ♪

Hang on. ♪ Clap pat, clap your hand

♪ Lay it with your left arm Pat your partner's left palm ♪

[ Whispering ] ♪ Clap slap, clap your hand

♪ Put your partner's right palm in your right palm again ♪

♪ Clap slap, clap your hand As you sing the little song go, ohh ♪

- We can share. - No way. He's got braces.

Cool. Come on, Esther.

The rest of you can go watch Play School with the Pony Club.

♪ My mama told me It's their loss.

- ♪ If I was goody - Piper!

♪ That she would buy me

♪ A rubber dolly Wait.

♪ My auntie told her

♪ I kissed a soldier

♪ Now she won't buy me

♪ A rubber dolly

♪ Three, six, nine The goose drank wine ♪

♪ The monkey chew tobacco on the streetcar line ♪

♪ The line broke and the monkey got choked ♪

♪ And they all went to heaven in a little rowboat ♪

[ Sunni ] Your boyfriend tastes like Twisties.

He's not my boyfriend, and it's Cheezels.

What now, Esther? What now, Esther?

We could get some hot chips. Boring.

Well, what do you suggest, then?

Follow me.

♪ [ Rock ] Ya-hoo!

[ Wolf Whistles ]

[ Man ] Take it off! Whoo! Yeah!

♪ [ Continues ]

[ Thud ] Sunni. Are you okay?

You're not normal.

I know.

No.

I mean you're not my duck.

I know.

[ Sighs ]

Esther, what in God's name have you been doing?

I was-- I'm just washing.

You little liar. I've just had a Mrs. Gluston on the phone.

Oh. "Is there trouble at home?", she wants to know.

Mum-- Are you being physically abused, she wants to know.

Mum! Because that's the only excuse that she can think of--

Mum, listen! ...for mugging her daughter.

- What the hell have you been doing? - It was mine.

What?

She stole my new raincoat. I was getting it back.

Really?

But why?

She's crazy.

[ Sighs ]

Please stop. I'm not gonna hurt you.

What do you want?

- What's this? - Ninety-nine dollars, for a new raincoat.

- I don't want your money. - It's-- It's my mother's.

Oh.

Did I hurt you?

I have a bump on my head.

Really? Where?

You can feel it if you like.

Gosh. Ow!

Sorry. Not so hard.

Can I ask you something?

How did you get chosen?

Chosen for what?

You know.

Look, I know all about you.

Y-You do? Everyone knows.

Th-They-- They do?

Cynthia told everyone.

Told everyone what?

That you're a spy. The whole school's talking about you.

You're a legend.

♪ Take a step

♪ Whoever thought the lonely girl would ever be ♪

Guys, look out. ♪ This modern lie

♪ Blindfold me, but it doesn't mean that I don't see ♪

[ Missy ] I always knew you were cool.

No, you didn't. You said she was a metal-mouthed midget with crooked plaits.

Well, I couldn't exactly let the cat out of the bag, could I, Esther?

Why don't you tell us who our spy is, if you know so much?

Why don't you shut up, Lissy?

Is it Prudence?

I know it is. You can tell me.

Last week I saw her in Target buying a swimming costume.

What were you doing in Target?

I was--

I was just, uh--

What are you staring at, Slug?

P-Please don't do that.

♪ To this day

♪ You can say whatever you want ♪

♪ 'Cause it's written all over my face ♪

♪ Go

♪ [ Ends ] I'll give you 50 house points if you tell me who it is.

Come on, Esther. I sense a "shoportunity." Huh?

Late-night shopping, and you need some new clothes.

Come on.

Do you think I should have bought the yellow shirt instead?

Because I look really good in yellow,

but I also look really good in blue.

[ Karate Yells ] ♪ [ Drumming ]

[ Gasps ]

- Hi. - Hi.

I thought you might be sick.

So I brought you Hooper's homework.

Thanks.

So when were you going to tell me?

It's just for a while.

- I needed a breather. - A breather?

- Mum was on my case. - How can you just give up?

The thing is, I went back, and everything's really different.

They gave me this.

Congratulations. What does that make you?

RY8-slash-6A?

You don't understand.

I used to spend every single lunchtime in a classroom by myself.

Now, everyone thinks I'm really cool.

Don't you get it, Esther?

Your whole life is a bloody lie.

You think you can put on a costume and change who you are?

You wear a Yellow Hill uniform and you're a Lion Pit.

Wear a big red ribbon in your hair and you're a princess?

Works for your mum.

They'll carve you into little pieces and chuck your intestines out the window.

Sunni, I didn't mean it.

May you live normally ever after.

I'm not normal.

I'm not normal.

[ Praying In Hebrew ]

[ Hebrew Continues ]

What are you doing?

Praying.

Just because you wear a Jewish school uniform doesn't make you a bloody Jew.

[ Door Closes ]

Please, God, help Esther to be nice to me.

♪ [ Chiming ]

[ Knocking ]

In a property sale, at what point does an agent's commission arise?

[ Imitates Buzzer ]

Um, upon exchange of the contracts for sale.

Ding. Ten points. [ Chuckles ]

What is a deed of trust?

[ Clicking ]

Oh, my God. [ Chuckles ] Thank you.

Wow. Thank you so much.

Hey, baby, I got it!

[ Squeals ]

I know, I know. What-- No--

You know, I start on Monday.

Yeah, the boss is a complete fruitcake. [ Engine Starts ]

[ Laughs ]

Excuse me. I'm looking for Mary.

She had a job interview.

- You just missed her. - Oh.

Oh, wait.

She left this behind.

[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]

- Sunni? - [ Sobs ]

What happened to Sunni? She's okay.

Sunni is okay. It's her mother.

There's been a bike accident.

She didn't make it. Sorry.

[ Sobs ]

♪ Cut my skin and I bleed ♪

♪ Just like anybody

♪ And I want and I need as much as anybody ♪

♪ Sometimes I cry But doesn't ♪

♪ Everybody

♪ I have secrets I have scars deep ♪ [ Sobbing ]

♪ As anybody

♪ I have fears no one hears

♪ Don't tell anybody

♪ Sometimes I lie But doesn't ♪

♪ Everybody

♪ Sometimes

♪ Doesn't everybody

♪ I know that sometimes

♪ I end up running wild

♪ Feel just like a little child ♪

♪ But tell me Doesn't everybody ♪

♪ Sometimes Doesn't everybody ♪

Esther, where the hell have you been? I have been frantic with worry.

It is the middle of the night. I was just about to call the police. Where have you been?

In the city.

The city? What on earth were you doing in the city?

I was looking for my friend.

She works there... in a strip club.

Are you on drugs?

She wasn't there, though. 'Cause she's dead.

Did you hear me? Show me your eyes. Look at me.

Look at me. Look at me! No!

You look at me! Look at me!

Look! Me! At me.

You used to be an angel.

And who am I now? Who? Tell me who I am.

Esther.

I've changed schools.

I've been going to Yellow Hill Public in secret.

Even a dead stripper would be a better mother than you.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Chattering ]

Hey, Esther, over here.

Mmm. How nice.

Sunni?

What are you doing here?

[ Sighs ] RY8-slash-7F.

[ Sighs ] ♪ [ Piano ]

♪ Rowen Ladies College is beloved by all ♪

♪ Who have watched her growth from a nursling small ♪

♪ To the school that we honor and love today ♪

♪ As we strive for her fame in our work and play ♪

♪ Rowen Ladies College known throughout the land ♪

♪ For our courage shown as we lend a hand ♪

♪ Through storms and hail and wind and rain ♪

♪ As we cheer for our founders with this refrain ♪

♪ Rowen Ladies College

♪ The school we call our home

♪ We step up and face the challenge to ♪

♪ Inspire hope ♪ [ Feedback ]

♪ [ Ends ]

[ Murmuring ]

Blueburger.

Er. Blue-burge.

Er. Blueburg.

Ger. Blue-bur-r-r-r.

Urger. Blue-buh.

Urger. Blue-buh.

Burger-blue.

A burger. Bluh.

Blueburger. Buhl.

Blueburger. Buh.

Blueburger.

[ Applauding ]

- Ohh! - [ Body Thuds ]

[ Gasps ]

Ohh. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. [ Pants ]

[ Panting ]

[ Flushes ]

God,

if you're in there,

please let her be all right.

[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Groans ]

What happened?

You fell... schmaltz side down.

What's she saying?

"F,"

"A,"

"G."

Fag?

Fag?

Oh. She wants a cigarette.

There you go, Mum.

Take a drag.

Hi, Mary. Hey.

How are you?

Sorry to butt in.

I was just wondering if you've seen my duck.

He's got a yellow beak...

and a--

No.

No feathers.

And he might be wearing a tie.

♪ [ Kids Vocalizing ] [ Laughs ]

Dad.

[ Jacob Praying In Hebrew ]

Now can we eat?

What's wrong with you, Esther? Why do you keep pulling that face?

Is this kosher?

- No, I don't believe so. - I won't eat it if it's not kosher.

Fine. Go kill yourself a chicken.

I'll have it.

Thou shalt not covet thy brother's roast beef.

- These potatoes are good. - Mmm. They are good potatoes.

[ Jacob ] Do you know what the rabbi does on Yom Kippur?

- He swings a dead chicken over his head. - Madness.

Don't go getting any ideas. Anybody for salad?

What's this?

"Dear Mum and Dad,

I got my braces off. Love, Esther."

Mmm.

That's a relief. At least we know the mailbox is fixed.

[ Gasps ]

♪ [ Children Vocalizing ]

♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]

♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]

♪ [ Ends ] [ Children Laughing ]

[ Man ] Okay, everybody, come on down to the floor!

You know what to do. Come on.

♪ [ Man Singing In Hebrew ]

♪ [ Singing In Hebrew Continues ]

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Come on!

Yoo-hoo!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hey!

♪ [ Singing In Hebrew ]

♪ [ Man Vocalizing ]

♪ [ Singing In Hebrew ]

♪ [ Ends ] Mazel tov!