Original subtitles

♪ dramatic music ♪

Train now leaving.

Destination...

Kansas City, Independence, Lee's Summit,

Warrensburg, Sedalia, Jefferson City,

Kirkwood, St. Louis, East St. Louis,

Centralia, Effingham, Terre Haute,

Indianapolis.

When the two soldiers boarded the train at St. Louis,

they caught one another's eyes for a moment in a mutually

questioning gaze that broke off teasingly short of recognition.

Like a dream not quite recalled.

All aboard!

All aboard!

- I'm so sorry. - Here, let me.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Thank you.

♪ anxious jazz music ♪

Excuse me, sir.

Hey! Gimme a Bud, will you?

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Thank you.

Here you are, sir.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome. - All right.

Hey!

Indianapolis.

Am I right?

Shortly High?

Yeah, Short-- Yeah, I went there.

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Tom Casselman, Class of '48.

Sure, Gunner. Hell, everybody knows you.

How are you? - Have...

a seat.

And you're, uh...

um...

Willard Burns.

You're "Sonny" Burns.

Right? Yeah!

Right. That's what they called me.

Yeah. I remember you.

You're-- You're the photographer, right?

Took pictures for The Daily Echo.

Yeah, just sports stuff, you know? You might've seen it.

Actually, I got...

There was one of you in particular. It was in... You were scoring in the Southport game.

Right. I remember that. That's a great picture!

Yeah. Action stuff, right?

Damn good, too. Damn good stuff.

Yeah. This is great running into you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

As a matter of fact, I've been...

Well, I've been doing a little photography myself.

I picked me up a Nikon over in Japan and...

I mean, I'm not worth a damn yet.

Post card shots and tourist crap, but I wanna learn.

Here you go.

- Oh, thank you. - Sure.

So, um...

Korea, huh? You must've seen some combat.

Mm.

Yeah.

You know, I caught a little shrapnel in the ass is all.

Yeah, I didn't... you know, I didn't really, uh...

Got stuck in Kansas City, you know.

Public Information.

Good conduct.

Well, hey, you know, somebody's gotta hold down the fort, right?

Exactly. That'd be me.

You know what?

There's really only one thing you missed.

Yeah, what's that?

Japan.

Yeah? - Mm.

You really liked it, huh? Oh, God.

I mean, it... it changed my whole approach.

Right. Sure.

To what?

Everything, you know? You name it.

I mean, I never really...

Hell, I never really thought about anything before I went to Japan, you know?

I mean, in college, I memorized stuff, but I mean really think, you know?

Question.

I mean, take your Zen Buddhism, okay? Okay.

They got these riddles, and they really make you think about things differently.

Do you know any zen?

Uh... well, I had some sukiyaki once.

You know... in Chicago.

Well, uh...

you ever have any sake?

Um, not that I know of.

♪ jazz music ♪

As they polished off the sake,

Gunner told Sonny that he wanted to go home and look at everything fresh.

What good, he said, was a culture built on neon lights and Hollywood movies?

On Sunday church piety and weekday business hypocrisy?

He sounded like a damn radical, which seemed unfair to Sonny.

He figured a guy like him should be a radical,

fighting the Gunners of the world who had everything.

They had more sake.

Gunner got going on Japan again.

Sonny was beginning to see green and purple spots.

Last stop! - Feel like I got hit by a truck.

Indianapolis!

You know, uh...

we should get together some time, huh?

No shit. - Yeah, that'd be great.

Fantastic.

You got a lift home?

Yeah. Yeah, I think my mother's picking me up.

Christ died for our sins!

Communism is the religion of failures!

Christ died for our sins!

Communism is the religion of failures!

Gunner!

Hey, see you later, all right?

All right.

Gunner!

Ohl

Gunner!

♪ dramatic music ♪

There he is! Sonny!

Oh, it's Sonny!

Sonny!

Oh! You're home!

Welcome home, son.

Thank you, sir.

We thank you, oh, Lord, for protecting this dear child

and for bringing him home safe from the horrors of war.

Mother, I was only in Kansas City.

There's danger everywhere.

- We're in a No Parking zone, folks. - Oh, Elwood!

Your father... Such a worry wart.

Come on.

Oh! I almost forgot.

We have a surprise for you.

What's the surprise?

Well, it's not a surprise if I tell you.

Come on!

♪ loud chaotic music ♪

Surprise!

Hello!

There she is!

Welcome home!

Give your best girl a kiss.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

As he looked around his room,

Sonny thought about the conversation he had with Gunner on the train.

He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment,

thinking what a fool he'd been to imagine a big rod like that

would want anything to do with a nobody like him.

When he thought about it soberly,

it was obvious that Gunner was bored and would've talked to anyone,

and that Sonny was merely handy.

And when he suggested that he get together sometime,

he was just being polite.

Got you a little treat, honey!

Sweet dreams.

Fuck you, God.

You could've knocked him over with a feather

when Gunner phoned the next day and asked him to meet him someplace.

All my life...

All my life's in a haze...

Hey!

How you doing? - Not bad.

- Good to see you. - Good to see you.

Russ, could we get a couple beers over here?

Tell ya, you would never see that in Japan.

What's that?

Woman drunk like that all over the bar.

Ours is really just an infantile culture compared to them in many ways, you know?

I mean, we're just-- I don't know.

I spent two days in a zen monastery once, right?

You know know what they do there? Nothing. Silent.

They're just quiet all the time. They understand that.

They appreciate the beauty in that. They recognize that.

We're just-- you know, they don't do this, like,

rah-rah-beat-the-other-guy, you know, horseshit.

We're a horseshit culture in many ways, you know what I'm saying? You know.

You saw it at Shortly, I don't have to tell you.

Yeah, right. I saw what?

The jock hierarchy, the big rod system, the social climbing.

Everyone maneuvering, everybody trying to get one up on each other.

I don't have to tell you, you knew, didn't you?

You were just a detached observer who sat back laughing at us

while we ran around chasing each others' tails like a bunch of dumb asses, right?

- Well, I-- - Yeah, no, don't try. I got you figured out.

I know. That's all right. I mean, you know, doesn't bother me.

College too, right?

Right? Right? You didn't go in for any of that fraternity shit.

You didn't go Greek. Am I right?

I was an independent.

I knew it. I knew it.

♪ jazz music ♪

I don't see it that way, you know?

To me, all those years is like... wasted.

All that time, it just feels like it was flushed away.

Jockin' around, acting like I knew it all.

Being a big rod.

Mm...

Must've seemed like a real asshole.

Oh, no, I...

I mean, hell, I get to thinking about how I was back then. I...

It's embarrassing, you know what I mean?

No, really, there were a lot of times when I felt like myself, I-- I-- I...

Lock up the women and children!

Holy smokes! Gunner!

You old jocks can still hit the ball, eh?

Shit man, we're five and two and leading the league!

You guys remember Sonny Burns?

Hi.

Sonny, you know this bunch of muff divers.

You got Wilks Wilkerson, Jocko Biemer...

Russ, hey, let's get another round for the boys.

Please and thank you, huh?

So, Guns, you still blankin' Deedee Armbruster?

Hey, be careful, Gun. She'll make an honest man out of you.

No, no, no! The old cocks man is not ready to pack it in yet.

So, I heard Shins tied the knot, huh?

You mean, "Pops" Shins?

Oh, no!

Patsy already dropped a bambino for him.

Hey, Guns, we need a good man on the mound. How's the old wing?

- Yeah, how about it? - Don't you worry about the old wing.

Yeah? All right!

The old Gunner's back!

[chanting] Gunner! Gunner! Gunner!

Gunner! Gunner! Gunner!

Sonny! - Yeah?

Hey.

- Where you going? - Oh, I don't know.

I just thought I might-- You know, you haven't seen these guys...

I don't feel like shootin' the shit with those guys right now.

Let's get outta here.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay.

Jjazz musicd

Sonny couldn't help wondering if Gunner wanted to leave

because he didn't want his jock buddies to see him

hanging around with a nobody like him.

Why don't you stop loafing and get a job instead of hanging out in front of my house?

Or maybe it really was that Gunner felt he had grown beyond those guys

and wanted more serious, deep discussions

with the sort of guy he evidently figured Sonny was.

Yeah, that was that Southport game. Did you take that picture?

I-- I-- I don't know. Nina loves that picture.

That's a '67... - Speak of the devil.

Hi, Nina.

Hi, darling!

Oh...

sweetheart.

♪ curious jazz music ♪

How are you? - Good.

Nina, I want you to meet my friend, Sonny Burns.

Sonny, this is my mother, Nina.

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Casselman.

Hm.

Well, you fellas want a drink?

Uh, no. I was just gonna get me and Sonny a beer.

Sonny tried not to look at Nina,

terrified he would get a hard on and Gunner would see it

and know that he was getting sexed up by his mother.

She smelled heavily of some kind of woozy perfume that made him dizzy,

and was rattling the ice in the glass so you couldn't not pay attention to her.

He figured he ought to say something.

It's a very nice apartment you have here, Mrs. Casselman.

Nina.

Oh, it's suits me fine... bachelor girl like myself.

Sit down.

I haven't seen you before.

What'd you say your name was again?

Willard Burns.

That's Sonny Burns. He went to Shortly.

I knew all the gang from Shortly.

I haven't heard of him before.

Well, nobody did, really.

Why not?

Well, I didn't do much.

Oh, hell yes, he did. Sonny was an ace photographer for the Echo.

He was the same for the paper up at I.U.

Oh.

I.U.?

What house were you in?

Uh, the, uh, rooming house.

The rooming house. That's good.

That's funny.

Well, I guess I just don't get the joke.

Well, I'm gonna give Sonny a lift home.

I hope you're not forgetting about tonight, Gunner.

No, Nina.

I broke two dates to be with you tonight, sweetie.

Not that I wouldn't rather be with you.

I want you to show Nina a good time.

All right. We'll paint the town, Nina.

Come here. Give me a kiss.

Come on.

Mm! [kiss] I love you.

Okay.

Well...

you're up awfully early this morning.

Do we have sausage or bacon and eggs or anything?

Well that's not what you like in the morning.

Your stomach is too delicate for greasy things.

Did you have a nice time with your new friend?

Mm-hm.

Does your new friend make it a habit of going to bars

in the middle of the afternoon?

What if he does? What if he goes to bars in the morning?

- No need to yell at me. - I'm not yelling.

I'm not yelling.

I just asked what business is it of yours what Gunner Casselman does?

It's my business what happens to my son.

It's really none of your damn business, Mother.

And for your information, he's a great guy.

Sonny.

When you lie down with dogs, you come up with fleas.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Where's my mind? I'm losing my mind...

I'm losing my fucking mind...

fucking mind...

It's my business... business...

It's my business... it's my business what happens to my son.

Standing in his basement darkroom,

Sonny thought about the way Gunner had talked about him.

Like he was someone special.

It was as if Gunner had this particular picture of him

and he liked the way that picture of himself looked.

Maybe he really was a shrewd, quiet rebel all along.

He picked up his camera.

It felt solid and reassuring.

He almost felt there was something magic about it.

That it was a secret weapon he could use to have his own life

that was different than his parents.

♪ upbeat jazzy music ♪

For the next several days, Sonny and Gunner went on a picture taking binge.

Gunner was restless, snapping pictures and asking people things

like he was trying to get the scoop on this mysterious city and its natives.

He kept asking this one particular question that people took as an insult.

The question of some kind of nut or subversive troublemaker.

Why?

This is so good.

I mean, this is...

I never, you know-- I never observed anything.

I never-- I never looked at anything and questioned it, you know?

At least not 'til I got to Japan.

And only then, I think, 'cause I was...

I was an outsider, you know?

I was a real outsider for the first time.

And I realized that I didn't know shit about my own society.

I just accepted it.

That's when I wanted to learn how to start taking pictures...

Learn how to see.

You already got that. You--

You know, it's like you were born with it.

This is... so good.

I don't know. I guess...

thanks.

You're very kind. I guess I'm just lucky that way.

No, that's-- that's not lucky. That's good.

Okay, I got it!

We are choppin' in tall cotton tonight, my man, oh, yeah.

Nina's got a date for the races Saturday night at Churchill Downs.

She's gonna be in Louisville.

We're gonna have the place to ourselves.

Oh! Ho-ho!

Think you can line up a hot one for tonight?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah?

Sure.

Good.

I figure one of us gets the couch.

The other one gets the bedroom or the red room.

Have us a regular fuck-a-thon.

What do you say?

You say "yes" is what you say.

Yes.

Oh...

I actually got this little drink theory here, okay?

It's called the Secret of the Sea Breeze.

Now, these are the girls' drinks, all right? Now, the secret is...

they can't taste the vodka because it's mostly grapefruit, you understand?

It tastes like nothing, you know?

- Sonny... - Oh, hey.

I love this one of the monument.

Thank you very much.

- The way you get the line of the shadow... - That's a masterpiece.

- It's really good. - Very kind of you.

Sonny, that looks just like the monument.

You know, Buddy...

great art, it sneaks up on you.

You have to let it soak in a little bit, study it.

Right, yeah.

Yeah.

Do you know, uh, Gunner learned Zen in Japan.

Oh. That's not all he learned.

♪ slow jazz plays from record player ♪

Sonny felt weirdly removed from what was going on,

like he was somewhere else watching these people do this.

The fact is he didn't feel much of anything at all except a kind

of annoyance at himself that he could still get a hard on for Buddy

when he really didn't care much one way or another.

Buddy was a nice girl.

She and Sonny had gone steady for awhile while in college.

It wasn't that he was so terrifically aroused by her.

He just wanted Gunner to hear him doing it.

I love you, Sonny.

He wanted his friend to know that he was really quite a fucker himself.

I feel sorry for Deedee.

How come?

He's never gonna marry her.

She was just his girlfriend in high school, that's all. You know, it's not...

Is that what I am?

What?

What do you want me to say? What would you like me to say?

Nothing. I would just like to know what your plans are.

I don't know! I don't-- I don't-- I...

I don't want anything. I don't want anything.

Okay, I won't ask. 'Cause every time I ask, it turns into this.

No-- No--

Will you call me? - Yeah, I'll call you.

Will you?

Yes. Yes... I will.

I will call you. I will call you.

I will phone you. I'll call you on the phone... - Okay, fine. All right.

I'm sorry. I'll call you.

♪ "Golden Teardrops” performed by The Flamingos ♪

Sonny?

You know, I've been seein' Deedee. She thinks she wants to get married.

She doesn't really-- She wants me to want to get married, you know?

My old man-- before he died-- he wanted me to be a football player.

Now, Nina-- what-- I don't know what Nina wants.

It's like this deep new book I'm reading called 'A Lonely Crowd,' right?

And I'm realizing as I'm reading it that I've always kind of been...

more of an outer-directed guy, right?

Right.

And now as time goes on, I'm kind of becoming more,

more inner-directed... and not giving a shit so much what the,

what the crowd thinks.

You mean what the lonely crowd thinks?

Hell, any crowd.

I mean, they're all lonely, you know that.

You've always been kind of more... of an inner-directed guy, right?

Um, well, um, I don't know, actually. Maybe.

I...

Whoa.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, man.

What I wouldn't give for a nice, new piece of ass right now.

You bet.

What about Deedee?

Well, what about Buddy Porter?

Mm.

Yeah, well, Buddy's, um...

You know, she's...

She's...

She's, uh-- She's nice. She's good. You know, she's...

She's Buddy.

And she's available.

Right, exactly. See what I'm saying?

It's not just getting laid we want.

That's not it. It's something else, right? It's something...

something extra. It's a little something...

Different?

Exactly. It's something different.

You got it. I mean,

say you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, right?

Say, I don't know, peach pie, okay?

Now, fine, great, maybe you love peach pie. Maybe peach pie is great to you.

- Sure. - But that's all you get?

I mean, morning, noon, and night, peach pie? Breakfast, lunch, dinner, peach pie.

Peach pie, day in, day out, day in, peach pie.

I mean, for God's sake, maybe you want some blueberry one day.

There's nothing wrong with that.

You know, maybe you want some-- some-- some chocolate cream.

Lemon chiffon.

Lemon chiffon.

God, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

As part of Gunner's plan to find more in life than pussy,

he announced to Sonny that they were going down to Herron Art Museum

and look at the art.

Interesting.

I really think he's--

He's on to something here.

How can you tell?

Well, uh, his use of color.

You know, the reds and the green.

And like, you know, the movement that he gets.

You know? Right.

There was a certain technique for standing and looking.

For tilting your head in just the right way.

For shifting around to get another angle.

How long you supposed to look at it?

Oh, my.

Talk about art, huh?

♪ anxious ambient tones ♪

Sonny watched as Gunner started after her.

As naturally and unhesitantly, as if he already had a date to meet her.

It not only terrified Sonny to try to pick up a girl himself.

It even made him nervous to see another guy try.

If the other guy failed, it somehow seemed to Sonny

like a slap in the face to all men, himself included.

♪ slinky jazz music ♪

Excuse me.

Hi.

Do I, uh...

Do I know you from somewhere?

Because you look very familiar to me.

Sonny! Son--

Marty, this is Sonny. Sonny, this is Marty. - Hi.

Yeah, Marty was at Shortly. She was a couple years behind us.

Yeah, I went to Shortly, too. But I don't think we actually met.

But then we wouldn't have, you being a big rod and all.

Isn't that what they called you golden boys?

Oh, well, you know, that was high school.

And college, too.

DePaul, wasn't it?

Football star, big man on campus--

"B-M-O-C."

So, you went, uh-- you went back east to college?

Uh-huh. And I'm going to go back and live there.

Really? Uh, when?

Oh, when I serve my time here.

Well, daddy would let me go now.

But mother thinks if I stay here, I'll meet a nice Jewish boy at the country club,

get married, and grow up to be just like her.

So, I'm taking courses at Herron in painting.

If I can hack it for a year, I get my freedom.

A year from now, I'll be gone.

Where are you going?

Well, New York, of course.

- Sure. - Sure.

Yeah, I mean, you know.

Is there any place else?

No, you know. What part of New York?

You know, I actually, uh--

Well, I may be heading there myself, as a matter of fact,

to do some studying on the G.I. Bill.

Oh. What would you study?

Well, you know... philosophy maybe.

- Philos... Philosophy. - Or, uh...

Well, or...

- Art. - Art, yeah. You know, I figure art.

Probably something, you know, something to do with, you know, art.

Art.

Well, I've got to run.

Oh, thanks for the coffee.

Did she leave?

♪ upbeat music ♪

Marty!

Hold on a second.

Hold on there for a second. Listen, I was, uh...

Well, I was thinking maybe, you know,

we could get together sometime, you know?

'Cause, uh...

Because I... I want to talk to you about some stuff.

You know I was thinking we could get together... and

talk about some, uh... some... stuff.

Like what?

Well, uh...

Okay, would you at least give me your phone number?

It's in the book.

You all right? Did you twist your ankle?

No, my ankle's fine.

I just got such a goddamn hard-on, I can barely walk.

Yeah, she's...

I don't even know what she is. She's something else.

She just thinks I'm a dumb jock.

Oh, no, really? You think?

Why don't you tell her about Zen and that stuff?

You know, take her to see some art.

I don't know shit about art, okay?

Oh, really, really, you do. You know, you look like you do.

You know how to stand and...

What happened to us?

I thought we came down here to improve our minds, right?

We were going to see some real art. Wasn't that the idea?

I guess even art leads to pussy.

I guess.

Come on, man, Let's go.

Oh Sonny, you're terrific.

You really do know about art.

Oh, you're the art, baby.

♪ ambient drone ♪

Did you forget the Camp Pine Tree pledge?

A Pine Tree man never ever betrays another camper.

♪ slow pop music ♪

Ah!

God!

God.

God.

Blah, blah, Jesus, blah.

Maybe I'll hitch hike to Michigan, hang on the beach and bum around.

Oh, Sonny, don't do that.

Get lost. Why not?

Why not?

Because something might happen to you.

And who cares?

I do.

Well I don't.

I don't. I don't.

Oh, Sonny, I wish you were happy.

I wish I could make you happy.

I wish, I wish you wish. I don't know, I don't know.

Fuck it. Fuck it.

Fuck it! Fuck it.

Why are you all dressed up?

Well, I was going to summer frolic with Harry Stapler before you called.

What the hell? What the hell did you break a date for?

You look so nice. Harry's a great guy.

Why did you...? Harry?

Because, I love you!

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

We can't.

I didn't bring anything, okay?

Well, we could still do something.

Oh, darling!

When almost a week went by without any word from Gunner,

Sonny began imagining all kinds of things that might've happened.

Maybe he'd gotten bored with Sonny and gone back to his old crew of big timers.

All I want to know is what the hell was I doing hanging out with a loser like Sonny Burns?

Maybe he decided to leave Indianapolis without even saying

goodbye to anyone, even his friends.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

With Gunner missing in action, Sonny decided to pay a call on Biff Barkley.

Biff had been Sonny's first boss when Sonny was just a high school kid.

He later got Sonny a job at the Indianapolis Star

after his junior year in college.

Come on kids, go with your mom, let's go.

Burgers will be ready in a minute, hon.

So, you ready to come to the paper and make a nice dishonest living?

I... I don't know, you know?

You think there's even an opening?

You might have to wait awhile, but we're not the only game in town,

much less the country.

Hey, Sonny, you thought about spreading your wings? Getting out?

Actually I have thought about the G.I. Bill.

Good! - Yeah, you think?

I thought I might get a master's in something.

Hey, that's great! What are you waiting for?

Hey, you could go to Chicago, New York, even Paris.

Pick yourself up some freelance camera work.

Yeah. - Man.

Maybe. I don't know. Can you see me out there?

Don't you have to be really good to be working in a big city?

Hey, you're young.

Now is your time!

Sonny, don't wait until it's too late.

Like I did.

What do you mean?

Storm New York six years ago.

I couldn't get passed the receptionist.

Oh Biff, come on, but you've won prizes and things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so have a lot of other hayseeds.

Ah, this isn't-- this isn't right, Biff.

If I was even half of what you are, how long did I follow you around?

Look at me. I'm past 40.

You're free, white, and 21.

I'm 24.

Yeah, now's your time.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Go inside the house with your mother, kids.

Burgers will be ready in a minute, honey.

Sonny.

What is it?

Do you still feel the same now as you did then?

Do you mean, am I the same inside,

only older on the outside?

Yeah, that's it.

Hm.

That's why it's so hard to look in a mirror.

You're looking at yourself, but you don't recognize yourself.

Because the person you see is older, and wrinkled, and puffy.

You don't feel that way inside.

It's hard to believe that--

That's really how we look now.

That's how other people see you.

Must be very hard.

No, Sonny.

I'll tell you.

It's the hardest thing there is.

That...

and when your son grows up.

♪ somber ambient music ♪

It was something Sonny had never really thought about before,

and he felt a sudden sharp sympathy for his mother.

Not as his mother, but as as Alma,

a person, a woman who was growing old.

Oh, Sonny.

Your father and I have a surprise for you,

so, um, what we want to do is take you out to supper

and show you something very special, SO you come on up and get dressed.

♪ dramatic orchestral music ♪

All right, wait for me!

Be careful now, Sonny.

Okay, we got you now. Don't you peek!

This better not be a surprise party.

Oh, it's a surprise, but it's not a party.

I swear on the Bible.

I feel like a little kid.

- Those were the days. - Lord, yes.

Can I have a cigarette, please?

No, not when you can't see.

You'll burn yourself up.

Even prisoners of war get cigarettes.

Ready son?

Here we are.

Where?

Tell him, Elwood.

It's your lot, son.

We had a little something saved up and we bought you this lot.

Someday, when you're ready...

you can build on it.

Oh, we know you won't be our little boy forever.

Someday you'll find the right girl, and you'll settle down.

We want to do everything we can for you.

We don't want to interfere, do we Elwood?

Lord no. We just want to help.

Lord yes.

It's what we live for.

Your happiness.

Sonny was more concerned with himself,

his failure to get his real life started.

He felt himself slipping into the same old non-life

of sleeping through half the day.

He figured the more he waited for Gunner to call,

the less chance there was of it, like the watched pot that never boils.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Sonny, telephone!

♪ Gunner plays notes on piano ♪

I've been expecting you.

What...

What, um...

Have a seat.

See, I have this theory, right? - Right.

Now you gotta understand, the beard itself is neutral.

Okay, it's just whiskers, it's nothing.

But, as you know, not many people have them nowadays, right?

So, it makes me different.

It makes people treat me different even though I'm the same guy.

Right.

So why do you want them to treat you different?

Well, that's the only way hat a guy like me can really

know what it feels like to be a foreigner here in my hometown.

What a foreigner might feel like.

How a foreigner might be treated.

- A foreigner. - Yeah.

- Right. - That's my plan.

Okay, well, it's very--

So, what do you think you'll find out?

Well, I-- I don't know.

But, uh, I will.

C'mon, let's go.

Commie!

♪ And God came to in the meadow ♪

♪ And found some... ♪

I just want to say "hi" to your folks before I take off.

Evening Mrs. Burns, Mr. Burns.

I just stopped in to use the phone so I wanted to say hello.

It's Gunner.

In the name of God.

Is it Honest Abe?

Is that who you're supposed to be?

No, ma'am, I--

Is that the new fad?

No, sir, not that I know of. I just...

I just grew a beard.

Okay, well, I better shove off then folks.

It was nice to see you all.

I'll talk to you soon.

I feel a migraine coming on.

We'll say a prayer for you, Ellwood.

Sonny, are all the kids gonna grow beards now?

We're not kids, mother, and I don't know. I don't know what anyone's doing.

Are you?

Am I what, for Christ's sake?

Don't you swear at me.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Now you tell me.

Are you gonna grow a big, dirty, ugly,

scratchy old beard like your friend?

No, mother.

Do you promise?

No, I don't promise, mother.

I'm not a kid anymore. I don't have to promise anything.

See, these aren't pictures of how people look.

They're of how they feel.

Why aren't there any pictures of houses or cows?

This is almost childlike. I mean, there's such a innocence here.

He sees it so fresh.

Look at that yellow.

Do you ever stop and think about color?

Yeah, this one's a real knockout.

I feel like a real dumb-ass, but I know that he's doing something real.

Yellow.

Hate.

Energy.

Life.

Now, see, what's this guy feeling, you know?

It's all so jumbled up.

I bet he's a very unhappy person.

What's unhappy got to do with it for Christ's sake?

Well, maybe he's just unhappy he doesn't have a bigger canvas.

- - Yeah, you got it. - You got it, babe.

I guess I just don't get it.

I guess not.

Hey, Buddy.

Listen, don't let Sonny walk all over you.

But I love him.

I guess I've always loved him.

Well that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

When I love someone, I can't be mean to them.

Well, you've got to make the effort.

Listen, let me give you some advice.

If I were you-- - No, thanks.

Maybe that's how it's done in the east,

but I'm from here, and I'm staying here...

and I know how to do things here.

Okay.

Good luck.

Girls who wait for the one and only may be lonely.

Woo!

It's gonna be a scorcher, baby.

♪ upbeat jazz music ♪

Gunner thought they'd take a drive out to Meridian Hills

and see if anyone was there.

He didn't belong, but he had a lot of friends who did,

and if you were a friend of a member, they'd go ahead and take a swim.

Hey, Wilks!

What do you swim the 50 in these days?

Gunner?!

Gunner!

- Hey man, what say? - What's up, man?

Hey you remember Marty Pitcher, went to Shortly.

Hey.

Buddy Porter.

Hey, Buddy, Buddy.

Hey Shins, get a load of Gunner!

He's going out for a part in the Christmas play... the lead!

I might just do her, y'know?

Oh, too much man, really, truly.

Who's he supposed to be?

Jesus or Lincoln, take your pick.

I don't get it.

It's just a beard.

Are we going swimming?

Hell yeah, we are.

I'm gonna race Wilks here, I think I can still beat him.

Loser buys the brews?

Hey, what are you doing?

You can't go in the water like that.

Like what?

You can't go swimming with a freaking beard.

What?

What does the beard have to do with it?

This is a pool, Buddy.

Why don't we all go get something cool to drink?

Wait a minute, I want to know why the hell we can't go swimming here.

I'm not swimming in something that had a filthy beard in it.

Hell yes, the beard will contaminate the water.

Man, my beard's clean!

A beard... is a beard.

Fucking a.

This is a family place, Gunner.

Well, this is a twist.

It's usually the Jews who get kicked out of country clubs.

Maybe my beard makes me an honorary Jew, what do you think?

Don't get all confident, babe.

Still got a ways to go.

Don't you people have your own country club?

Whoa, what people?

Cool it Richie.

I'll buy us all drinks at the club house.

Are you talking about Marty?

Because if you are, you're talking about me.

Me too.

Who the hell are you anyway?

C'mon guys, let's get out of here.

No. You know what, me and my friends came down here.

We want to take a swim, and that's what we're going to do.

You don't belong here.

Well, you know what, Richie?

You're right. I don't belong here because I'm not a rich tubester with shit for brains.

You Commie fag.

What's wrong?

That woman...

She had the nerve to call me up and go on about you

being a bad influence on him, can you beat that?

Well, her son is just perfect, of course.

Do you know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna go over there and give that Casselman woman

a piece of our mind. - Mother.

- Now, you just get dressed. - Mother...

It's too bad this had to happen.

Oh, I agree with you there.

If my Sonny hadn't fallen under the influence of your son--

My son is a leader.

He always had been.

It's beyond me what he saw in your son, with his radical anti-social ideas.

My son has always been a good boy.

A normal person. Until he fell in with him.

That-- That playboy with the beard.

He never even had a beard until he got mixed up with your son.

Okay. Okay, this is ridiculous.

He never got into brawls, he never hung out with Jewesses,

until he got mixed up with your son and his crowd.

"Crowd?" I don't have a "crowd."

- Don't try to brainwash me. - Brainwash?!

It's your son who has the Commie beard. My son shaves like a good American.

Okay! Okay! I'll shave the beard, all right?

Will that make everybody happy?

Happy? No! I'm not happy when my son is being called a communist!

Well, if the shoe fits, wear it, sister.

Yes, and if you wear the kind that harlots wear, so shall ye be known.

Oh!

To each his own.

Those rogans of yours

look like something you stole off a prison warden.

Well, now I see where your son gets his habit of carousing in bars.

Did anyone hear what I said? I'm shaving the beard.

Don't!

Don't you let this right up school mom tell you how to live, sweetheart.

Well, at least I can be sure that no one will ever call me a scarlet woman.

Oh well, truer words were never spoken, honey.

All right. All right. Cut it, Nina, all right?

I'm gonna shave the beard and that's all she wrote, okay?

Mother, can we... Let's just go home, okay?

We're gonna go home, okay?

Pray for your soul. We're gonna go.

Oh!

When you lie down with dogs, you come up with fleas!

My son ain't got the fleas!

Nina! Nina! Take it easy! Nina, calm down!

Sonny, get out of the house.

Nina.

♪ dramatic music ♪

Am I serious about Marty?

I don't know.

What does that mean?

I like to fuck her, and I like to talk to her...

pretty rare combination.

Fucking a.

She's going to New York, too.

That about clinches it for me.

It's Columbia on the G.I. Bill, now, that's it.

So you're really leaving, huh?

Yup.

I mean, why not, you know?

Getting it from both sides here.

Marty's mother is all over for seeing a shagets,

and Nina won't quit with her Jewish remarks.

It's a load of shit.

What ever happened to that ad agency offer you had in Chicago?

- Didn't tell you? - No.

I flunked the personality test.

- You're shitting me. - No.

How did that happen?

Well, they send you this test in the mail, right?

And in one part of it you're supposed to draw a picture of yourself.

So I drew a picture of me, you know, casual,

drink in one hand other in the pocket.

Psychiatrist who graded the test said it showed a tendency

towards alcoholism and masturbation.

Can you believe that shit?

I guess I'll never make it in the ad world either.

Yeah, fuck 'em.

I'm heading to New York.

Greenwich Village.

All you gotta do is get the G.I. Bill.

Why don't you come with me?

Fucking New York.

Oh, hey, man, I forgot to tell you.

Marty has this friend who's coming down who she went to college with

who's apparently, you know, pretty hot to trot.

Marty was thinking we could fix you up with her

for that big dinner dance on Saturday night.

Wanna go?

Sure.

You know, I mean, who knows? Lightning could strike, you could get laid.

Crazier things have happened.

♪ humming ♪

That's right, yeah.

That's right. No, I do remember that.

Actually, I absolutely remember you.

You haven't changed. You haven't changed...

♪ humming ♪

I'm Sonny Burns, yeah.

Sonny Burns! Sonny Burns.

Greetings and salutations!

Hi, Sonny, it's me.

Do you know where we're going yet, or when I should pick you up?

Ah. Oh.

Yeah, actually, you know, I'm...

I'm not... I don't think I'm, uh, well, really, you know?

I haven't-- You know, I wasn't-- I've been, really...

It's just been coming in waves, it comes and goes.

Just before you called I was feeling...

I was fine.

I think it's something I ate, really.

You know?

Buddy, you still there?

Yeah, Sonny, I'm always here. Isn't that how it is?

Well it isn't... We can, uh, I'm sure this won't last.

I'm just gonna lay down for a little bit and, uh, and...

And after I lie down, I mean, soon, very soon,

I'm sure, we can go to Holly Hock Hills or something.

That sound all right?

Yeah, sure.

Hi, Harry?

It's me.

♪ From the moment you walked in, I knew... ♪

So now that Nina's guy has taken her up to

for the weekend, we're gonna have the place to ourselves.

And I hear that Gale is hot to trot!

So I think we may be chopping at the tall cock.

♪ Tempted and tangled by love ♪

♪ In the moment I held you, I knew you were meant for me ♪

♪ ON, just to know the bliss of one single kiss... ♪

Don't get up. Don't get up.

Just had to powder my nose.

Well, you look great.

Thank you.

She'll be down in a minute.

Here she is.

♪ From the moment I saw you, I knew ♪

♪ You were a dream come true ♪

♪ And I still feel this way 'til that day... ♪

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Sonny, Gale Thayer. Gale, this is my good friend, Sonny Burns.

- Hi, Sonny Burns. - Hi... do you?

Gale, Sonny is an ace photographer.

Sports being his specialty.

Really?

What's your favorite sport?

Um.. basketball.

Mine too.

So I plow through and I get to the end,

I'm grinding to the end, and I'm holding my breath as CC

waddles to the front of the room, right? And stands right next to Itchy.

And he looked at him and he looks at me and he waits about a year and a half, right?

I have no idea what to do, I'm horrified at this point.

So finally he looks at me and he says,

"Mr. Burns!"

Yeah, it's really...

"Mr. Burns!

In all my years, I've never seen anything like this!

Your speech has moved this young man to tears!"

I love your imitations, Sonny.

You could be on Ed Sullivan.

Oh, why not!

Why not!

Time for the girls to powder our noses.

All right.

We'll be right here.

Right here.

Yes!

I am rolling guns, baby. I'm just-- I'm just-- Can you feel it?

You better eat something, you don't got a lot in your stomach.

I know, I know. I got a large capacity.

I'm just fine! I'm just fine!

All right.

That was funny.

♪ upbeat music ♪

They just don't understand 'Catcher in the Rye,' you know?

I think what bothers them--

What bothers them is they know what Holden is trying to do

is trying to break through this accepted unquestioned adult existence,

you know? And to get to a...

to get to a place--

Beyond where he can be-- he can be Holden, and be accepted and not have the corruption

and dissolution that seems inevitable, you know?

Sometimes I wonder if we'll wake up one day and--

And we won't be like Holden anymore, you know?

That is really amazing, Sonny.

Really.

- What's the matter? - Nothing, I'm just...

I just have to go to the bathroom.

Oh.

Oh I didn't mean...

Go to the bathroom for God's sake.

Please.

What are you thinking? What-- Why are you drinking?

Why do you think you're so fucking amazing? Just stop. Just--

No. No.

God, please, don't let me cum...

"I'm having such a wonderful time,"

Having such a wonderful time, Having such a wonderful time.

She really did say that.

She really did.

Listen, I just...

I just want you to understand that, um...

Um, I am just-- I am completely...

I am absolute-- I am madly in-- I'm in love with you.

Um...

But I'm--

I'm in love with you. I am in love with you.

But... But...

I wanna go to bed with you.

But?

No-- No-- No "buts." I wanna...

I wanna go to bed with you.

To bed?

To...

take a nap?

So... So we can...

So we can have, uh, sexual intercourse.

All right.

♪ "It's Too Soon To Know" performed by The Orioles ♪

Well...

sexual intercourse?

What's the matter?

It's fine. It's fine...

[laughs] Jesus Christ.

No no, it takes a little time to get up and going.

Please.

- It's fine. - Please!

- It's fine. - Just go away.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

♪ "Why Was I Born" by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein II ♪

She will make everything okay. Everything okay.

Everything will be okay.

She will be okay for me and we will be okay.

Please, dear God, make everything okay.

Okay. Okay...

Just go away.

When you lie down with dogs, you come up with fleas!

♪ haunting ambient sounds ♪

Just go away.

I'm having a fabulous time.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Hey, man. Hey...

Gunner?

I just, um...

I'm sorry, man.

I didn't wake you, did I?

I'm sorry.

I just-- I just think that-- I think I need--

I think I need a little...

help here, please.

Hey.

What is it, man? What's going on?

Oh...

God, man.

Jesus.

Man, that's not it, you know?

Really, that's not it.

You know?

That's not the way...

What do I do, man?

What do I do?

Well, |-- you know, we gotta think of something.

We gotta do something.

We gotta figure something out.

We just gotta, you know--

We gotta get you out of here.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Pack.

Be right back.

Sonny sat in the car trying not to be noticed.

He knew he couldn't go around with his wrist all bandaged up

and no shirt sleeve to hide it.

Everyone knows what it means when a person has his wrist all bandaged up.

And he didn't want to have to answer a lot of questions.

Gunner returned from the general store with an ace bandage,

which he expertly wrapped around Sonny's forearm.

Now Sonny could tell everyone that he had a sprain.

It was perfectly all right to have a sprain in an ace bandage.

In fact, it was sort of a mark of honor.

The sort of thing athletes were always having happen.

Woo!

Beautiful.

Ah!

What do you think?

Pretty great, huh?

You going in?

Well, I hate to have to do this to you, buddy.

But you are... going in.

♪ ambient piano music ♪

Ah!

Woo!

Yeah!

Just like Camp Pine Tree.

You hungry?

It felt good, actually.

I know it sounds funny, but it was like a relief.

Trying to kill yourself?

Yeah but it wasn't like that, though, you know?

Somehow I knew that I didn't want to die, you know?

Just that something had to change.

Something had to change and shift, maybe.

From here, you know? I don't know.

I don't know...

Afterwards, I felt-- I just felt--

I felt clean, you know? Free.

I could breathe for the first time.

I always used to think that people who did this sort of thing,

you know, cut themselves without going all the way...

Just chicken.

Showboats.

Starving for love and attention and all that, but it's not like that.

It's not about that. It's personal, you know?

It's like...

you know, what do you do when there's nothing else to do, you know?

There's so much here. So much...

you know, terrible movies and pictures banging around.

I mean, what do you do when there's nothing left?

So you do anything, you know?

There's forces in you, that, you know,

impulses that can kill you.

Well, I think you have a lot of good forces in you, too.

Hey, you're not trying to take that thing off, are you?

No. Just thinking.

Not about doing it again, I hope.

No.

Man, you don't even know.

What?

You don't even know. You don't even know how much you've got going for you.

How much you've got to live for.

I mean it, man.

You've got your photography.

And you've got a way of explaining it to people who don't understand it like me.

So they can figure it out.

I mean, I admire the hell out of that.

And you've got guts, sticking with me the way that you did

at the pool even though you're nobody's jock and,

I mean, you did get clobbered, but...

If you'd have stuck with your big rod buddies this summer,

none of that would've happened. You would've...

Hey, no. Fuck that. Fuck those guys.

If I'd have stuck with those guys this summer, I never would've done anything, you know?

I mean, can you feature me hashing out 'The Lonely Crowd'

with Wilks Wilkerson?

Or trying to show my paintings to Blow Mohoney?

Or Jacko Beamer?

I mean, you know, the guy's name is Jacko Beamer, you know?

Hey!

Or Marty? Can you imagine her trying to stay in the same room

with those guys for more than two second?

Look man, I never would've got anywhere with Marty if it wasn't for you.

I mean it, I didn't even know what I was saying to her.

Sonny.

You showed me that I wasn't just some jock.

You showed me a part of me that I wanted to see.

I don't know, man.

I don't know anything.

Wait a minute.

That's it, right there. That's it. You did it.

You got it.

"I don't know anything. I know nothing."

That's like what the Zen guys call the beginner's mind.

I mean, that's what the masters strive for.

That state of mind. "I know nothing."

So at the very least you're a Zen master now.

You can take some solace in that.

Here.

I got you a sandwich.

No tomato.

Hope they didn't put tomato on there or otherwise

I'll have to drive all the way back there and thrash them.

Man, eat the fucking sandwich.

Eat it. Eat.

Fuck this. Eat.

Put it in your mouth and eat it. Eat!

Enjoy it.

Eat it!

Do it.

Eat it!

There you go.

Or I was gonna have to throw you back in the quarry again.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

So what happened with you and Gale?

Nothing.

And I said thank and good night. Absolutely nothing. Not a goddamn thing.

Nothing? Was she frigid or something?

Oh, no. No.

Hell no.

That would be me.

Yeah.

I fucked up, man.

How about that?

Instead of fucking her, I--

I fucked up.

Because I couldn't get it up.

Really?

I thought you were hot for her.

Oh, man, you know.

Shit. Shit.

She was it, man. She was...

the dream. The girl. The beginning. The end.

She was everything. The perfect combination of sex and brains.

The one we're all supposed to find. The one we deserve, you know?

Everything.

You know?

Or maybe you don't know, I don't know.

I'll never forget the way she looked up at me, man.

Oh, man.

Don't worry about that, you know?

Gale was a bitch. That was the trouble. That's all it was.

She wasn't a bitch.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

I wish you'd been in Japan.

Best thing about Japan was the women.

You'd have to say that they're whores, you know, technically, because you pay them.

But it's not like how it is here, you know?

It's not this wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kinda thing where you feel dirty after.

They-- They-- They take their time there. They treat you right.

Ah! If we were in Japan right now...

Yeah, but we're not.

We're right here.

Surrounded by Ohio!

Illinois!

Kentucky!

Michigan!

Right here in--

- Illinois! - Indianal

Shit, I forgot man.

Fuck.

I forgot!

There's-- There's-- There's this great little whore house

about 40 miles south of Chicago.

My frat buddies took me there.

It was great. It was totally different, man.

Different? What's different about it?

Oh, the girls.

They're-- They're pretty and they're sweet and, hell, they're farm girls, you know?

They-- They let you play with them.

They talk to you like you're a real person, like it's a real date.

It's... ah.

That's what you need.

Yeah, that's what you need.

One of these nice, sexy farm girls treating you right.

Right? That's the answer.

So where is this place?

This jerkwater town.

Gladiola.

That's what they called it.

The Gladiola House.

♪ "Rocket 88" by Jackie Brenston ♪

See where the fuck we are.

Here, take this.

Where the fuck are we?

We should be there, right?

Do you know where we are?

I can't--

You looking at that? - Yeah, yeah.

Where are we?

Look.

There's a light right there.

I see the light, is that it?

I think so. I don't know, man!

It looks like it.

How can you tell?

Hold on.

So this would be the part where you go into the church

to ask directions to the whore house, right?

No, this would be the part where you go into the church

and ask [chuckling] directions to the whore house.

No, you go into the church and ask directions.

All right, you son of a bitch. You wanna flip for it?

Loser goes into the church and asks directions to the whore house.

All right.

You want to call it?

You call it.

Heads.

Oh, won't you come!

Come and lay down your burden and rest in the arms of God!

He's waiting for you!

A stranger has come to us out of the night!

Out of the dark and the rain!

Don't be afraid, son.

Pour out your heart to God.

Excuse me, I'm lost.

The shepherd loves a lost sheep most of all.

Tell us, son. Tell us. What's in your heart?

Well, can you tell me how to get to Gladiola?

Uh, nothing in Gladiola anymore, son.

What are you looking for, boy?

Uh... It's just a-- it's a house.

Uh, a house?

Son, if you're looking for the Gladiola House, been closed down four or five years ago now.

Hallelujah!

♪ congregation singing a hymn ♪

♪ ballad plays from the radio ♪

♪ tuning radio ♪

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Your son!

♪ ambient drone ♪

You're lucky, fella.

You could've been killed!

Maybe paralyzed.

We're gonna let you lie here for a couple of months.

Got you in some plaster.

Be good as new.

That big rod buddy of yours...

hardly got a scratch.

Came up smelling like roses.

His kind always does.

We all thank God that you're coming home in one piece.

You can just rest as long as you want.

I'll bake your favorites and rub your back for you.

All right, let's not do any goodbye shit.

I'm gonna write you from New York,

and you'll be out there in no time, okay?

See ya.

Sonny knew that he oughta be thankful.

Thankful to God for saving his ass and for not killing anyone else.

But all he could think of was that,

if God had really given a shit,

there wouldn't have been an accident in the first place.

If God had been a really good guy,

he wouldn't have spirited the Gladiola House away.

Walk to fast up those stairs or you might get a little faint.

We'll get your room fixed up just right.

And I'll bring a little snack up later.

We never heard a word from your fine-feathered friend,

if that's what you're looking for.

He said he was going to write when he got to New York.

Oh.

I guess he just got too busy raising cane down in Greenwich Village

with the rest of the communists.

Him, with hardly a scratch, and you, almost killed.

Is that your Christianity mother?

People you don't like should die?

Let's not dwell on the past, okay?

Okay?

Such a sweet little surprise.

Oh, that Buddy is so sweet.

Of course, she wanted to be here.

But I thought you needed your rest so I thought we'd pick her up

on our way to supper at your favorite restaurant, mm?

Hollyhock Hill.

- That's your favorite restaurant. - Oh, Sonny.

You loved their fried chicken when you were a little boy.

Yes?

What is it?

Uh, good news son.

I got you an appointment with Jay Briggs Dunlap over at Lilly.

He's the [knocks] head of public relations.

Oh, wow. That's wonderful.

Thank you.

♪ dramatic ambient music ♪

Sonny! Come on down.

We've got a surprise for you.

It's for your new life.

A career man needs a new car.

Now, you just go pick up Buddy,

and meet us at the Hollyhock Hill.

She's waiting for you.

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

How's your arm?

Uh, it's... It's peachy.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Very beautiful.

Listen, um, I'm not gonna go to Hollyhock Hills.

That's all right.

Um.

Listen, I think...

I think you-- you're great.

You really-- You really are. You're great.

You're beautiful.

You're--

You're great, and you deserve a great guy.

I've got one.

No. Who am I? I mean, |-- I'm nobody.

I can't begin to be...

whoever you need to treat you the way that...

I've got one.

Harry Stapler.

You what?

Harry Stapler.

We got engaged.

I tried to tell your mother, but she, uh, she wouldn't listen.

I'm really, really...

happy, Sonny.

And Harry and I both want the same things...

here...

in Indianapolis.

♪ ambient piano music ♪

I love you.

I'm happy you're happy.

I want for you to be happy, too.

Happy.

Thank you.

Hey, Buddy?

Could you do me a favor?

Sure.

As he said goodbye to Buddy,

Sonny stood for a moment, feeling the simple pleasure of being alive.

He wondered if perhaps that's what real life was after all.

Those moments.

He didn't find it depressing, but felt that perhaps it meant

his real life had been going on all the time

and the moments were there to remind him.

He figured the truth was you live hundreds of lives within your time

and that you never started and continued on a straight path, but that you got lost,

crashed, and began again.

And there wasn't any last beginning until death did away with you

or took you to some other place.

As he boarded the train, he had a sense now of what he was doing,

as he planned for New York, as he broke from home.

Whether it was right or wrong, he knew at least in one way

what he was doing and was going to continue to do

in different ways with different people as long as his heart beat

and his blood ran until he came to this life's end.

Begin.