Original subtitles

Honey ...?

I want a divorce, Michael ...

Well, well, looks like the gang's all here.

Hey, Damn near, anyway.

Hey, kiddo.

Hey, rock star.

I guess you prefer comfort over tradition, huh?

Hey, I don't do ties.

Well, still, you look good.

How's the band doing?

The band's actually broken up.

I'm scrambling for my next check right now.

Hey, who needs that angst-rock crap anyway, Right? Go solo.

The glass is always half-full, huh?

Yeah. Half-full of whiskey.

Good to see you!

Bin like five years?

You, uh ... you look well.

Ya well Maybe you could have called me and

told me that five years ago.

I meant to call ...

Alright but you should have called me five years ago.

I meant to... Really ...

Wow Five years? Really that's a long time, Come on guy's .

Why did we all fall out of touch like that ha ?

Well, I know Shane's excuse. What's yours?

Hey, I'm a on going social engagement, You know what

Im saying? What's yours ?

College?

Please?

I don't know. It didn't feel like that long ago.

Until... you know, until I got

Yaa...

That call last week.

Michael. Anybody know how it happened?

I heard something on the news. The police said it was murder

Damn.

Why would somebody murder Michael?

I don't know. But it happened here.

They said it was a robbery Michael woke up to them

ransacking his house.

And now, we're here for his viewing

At his ... ... very big, exotic mansion?

Ya..Its a wonderful world we live in isn't it

So ... where is everybody?

Define "everybody"? Ol' Mikey was an orphan -- that's how

he got this place when he turned eighteen.

ell I think we're as close as it gets to

"friends and family".

Well, there's his brother.

Peter? Are you kidding?

Naa Those guys won't even live in the same country.

Peter's probably on a yacht somewhere, throwing a party

And there's Michael's wife.

What .. Mikey was married?

So I heard, anyway.

What...

Well, one of us was bound to settle down and grow up,

Eventually!

Yaaa!

Does anybody feel like we're being watched?

From where?

There.

They're arriving ...

I saw it! Somebody's in there!

That's a statue...

No, No..

It is a funeral. It could be the funeral guy or a lawyer!

It's somebody, that's for sure.

Well.. Should we wait out here?

Well sure who whoever it is, there probably wondering why

we are standing out here instead of going in side..

Probably ! After you?

Hello. I've been expecting you.

I'm Konner Friel, director of the Parkside Funeral Home.

I was a friend of the deceased.

You raaaaaaang ...?

It was Michael's wish that the ceremony be kept small, and

at his home.

It seems you were expecting a large turnout, despite that.

Mr. Stevenson was very popular in the community. We set up

extra seats in the event that persons who were not directly

invited were to show up.

"Invited"

Ya, Who gets "invited" to a funeral?

I realize this is somewhat esoteric, but all will become

clear shortly. It was necessary to inform you

directly about the funeral. You see, Mr. Stevenson had

recorded a living will before he died. It was very specific

that you were contacted directly to attend

the services.

And we're it?

I'll leave you to pay Mr. Stevenson your respects. When

you're ready, I have some business matters to discuss

with you.

Can you believe this freakshow?

Man , Oh Man..

My sentiment exactly. How did this happen?

How could we let five years go by?

I mean we were best friends back in school.

It happens. People drift apart ...

Cremation, huh? Not me, man. Live fast, die young,

leave a good- looking corpse. You know what i mean..

Why do we always think we're so young and this

could never happen to us?

Because we are and it usually doesn't.

Michael lived a little wilder than the rest of us.

So? That doesn't mean he Deserves this!

I remember how he was back in school. Playing

practical jokes on people ...

Chasing anything in a skirt ...

What? It's true!

Just ... lay off, okay, Nero?

Look, you cats mourn how you wanna mourn, and

I'll mourn how I want to. Alright !!

Jeez....

Here's to you, Michael, ol' buddy ol' Pal . You lived

fast, you died young and you left behind a ...

small pile of ashes. And you were one rich S.O.B.

Alan ...? Are you okay?

Wow, I knew Alan was sensitive, But Damn..

Stop being such a jerk, Nero. Remember school?

What?

Remember school?

What about school?

He's always been like that. I mean Remember when he was

on meds for a while, tried to kill himself. Remember?

Getting cutting from the football team.

he was closer to Michael than the rest of us..

Ok..

I should go get him, huh?

I'll come with you ...

No -- I'd better do this one alone. This needs a woman's

touch. Besides, it's probably not a good idea if you came

You'd just make things worse.

I'll go!

What did I do?

This was a mistake ...

This wasn't supposed to happen Michael ...

We where supposed to go away together, Michael ...

Remember,

See? You never really lose it after high

school. It's like riding a bike.

More like ridinga rusty Moped, For you..

Watch it!

What? Did I hit a nerve?

I got nerves of steel..

Alright since you have nerves of steel,

I got a dare for you.

Oh, ho, a dare? Go for it.

I dare you to pack a suitcase

and fly away with me?

Fly away with you?

Yeah.We will go to some tropical island start over..

We could be bartenders or something.

Let me get this straight. You want me to give up

my millionaire lifestyle, fly off with you to some

yet-unidentified tropical island and maybe get a job

as a bartender or something?

When's the last time you heard of a dare be so easy.

Well, to be honest, it doesn't sound like all

that crazy of an idea. No matter what you have, you

wind up hating it, sometimes, you know?

But?

But.. I couldn't do it. No way. I mean, what the

hell would I tell my wife anyway ...?!?

I forgot, you're married..

Its funny I haven't met her, every time im around she's out

out! You know lesser man might think you were making

this so called wife up?

Look, I'll come clean. There's a reason you guys don't

know about her.

And that reason is ...?

I'd rather keep my private life private, okay?

How can this happen !

Alan ...

Don't worry about me, Bess. I'm fine ...

Please have a seat!

Wow.. What's this all about?

Before we are to begin, I am instructed to play

Mr. Stevenson's living will for you.

Creep-o-rama!

Indeed.

There's six chairs.

Yes. Six of you were invited to the reading.

Six?

Yourself, your companion Mr. Nero here, the two others that

accompanied you here ...

And Hayden ...

Hey Guys! I was over there, paying my respects and

heard you guys in here ...

Speak of the devil!

What's going on?

I guess it's Michael's living will.

His living... will?

Please be seat, Mr. Castlemeyer. I'm certain all

will become clear to you. Shortly ..

I guess the other chair's for his brother?

His brother was specifically omitted from this reading.

Wow, even after he dies, he's got it in for his brother.

Un-frickin'- believable ...!

Right.

To answer your question, Mr. Michaels, the sixth seat is

Mr. Stevenson's widow.

His widow... This is waaaay too much.

What ? Michael... Had a widow?

Wow this is what i get for showing up late..

Well, shouldn't we like wait for her? What about Bess?

and Alan?

Ahh.. Alan's a bit freaked out right now. Bess went to go

grab him Im sure we can just replay it when they come

back..

I hoped to inter Mr. Stevenson's remains before the

sun went down.

But in hopes of moving along, I'll begin playing Mr.

Stevenson's will for you and if they show up, Hopefully

They can see it... Other why's i'll make an exception and

replay it for them later.,

Excuse me, Isn't this suppose to be done in a

lawyer's office?

Like I said before, I'm an old friend of Mr. Stevenson's. It

was in written instruction for us to handle the

the reading of his will, as well as the other arrangements

somewhat unorthodox proceeding.

"Unorthodox proceedings?"

Hi, gang!

Oh, man ...

Whatt!

This just keeps getting weirder and weirder ...

If you're reading this, chances are pretty good

that I've moved on to the Great Beyond

-- or that I finally put together that harem of

talking about. In any event, I'm no longer

here and the six of you, the six watching

this DVD, are my only living legacy.

You were all my best friends. You helped me

through some of the worst times of my life,

and helped make some of my best.

And to repay you for being the incredible

people you have always been to me,

I am leaving you my fortune.

Not in my wildest dreams ...

Shhhhh! This is important!

It was very important to decide how I would

split up my inheritance with my best friends and

my beautiful wife. I also know that my

brother, Peter, will most likely contend my

last wishes. Therefore, I had to go about

things in a slightly unusual manner.

I have instructed my old family friend, Konner

Friel, to hide a key somewhere inside of

my mansion.

He is to allow you to go anywhere inside

my house that you wish, to look for the key.

One of you will find it. To the one who does:

it unlocks a safe here in the den. The safe

contains the deeds to all my property, as

well as the numbers to my Swiss bank

accounts, the title of record to all my

cars, boats and my private plane. You will

be given legal ownership to my entire fortune.

You may then divide the estate in any

manner you wish, among the others who

have been invited to attend my funeral.

Or ... you can keep it for yourself. That's

for you to decide. I figure, doing it this

last gift of a treasure hunt, a game, I don't

want you guys to mourn my passing.

I want you to be happy. I know, in

your hearts, you will be fair to each other,

and fair to my memory. And Nero,

don't ask Konner to tell you where he's

hidden the key. He won't tell you.

Come On ...

And to the rest of you: I love you all.

Thank you for having enriched my life. I

hope I've done the same for you ...

Why am I even surprised?

I'm surprised I haven't torn this place apart already!

Now look. This is wrong or at least im fairly

certain it's wrong.

Screw "wrong", I need the cash!

This is what I get for showing up late, right?

This is ridiculous.

Where's Bess and Alan?

Alan got emotional and took off, Bess took off after him.

They should be back by now.

Because they need to see this, right?

I think we should forget about it and go home!

Just tell me: this is one of Michael's jokes,

right? There's no key? Michael just dug the

fact that we'd spend his funeral running

around his house playing "Scavenger Hunt"?

This isn't a joke.

Well, this is wrong.Give the key to his wife or something

When ever she decides to come..

Look We gotta go find the others.

We got to tell them at-least about this ...

I don't even think I know about "this" ...

One more thing, Mr. Michaels.

Ya..

Mrs. Stevenson is already here.

Well, Then we will find her, too.

You have no idea ...

Bess?

Alan?

We definitely gotta talk.

"Mumbling"

Michael said "whoever gets the key".

They snooze, they lose.

What's the one place you'd hide something

in where you'd be sure nobody would look?

Okay, Fine, it's just like cleaning

out a litter box ... except the kitty

litter's your old drinking buddy ..

Man, I am not getting blamed for this ...!

You really think anybody's up here?

Well, We need to find out where the hell Nero is?

We get every one riled up and this thing turns

into a friggin' circus.

What do you care?

Well, I don't know about you, but

l was good friend's with Michae

Actually, I'm kinda surprised every one showed up...

Michael Did some pretty messed up things over the years..

I think he was pretty much the reason

everybody decided to go their separate ways.

Especially Nero.

What does that mean?

Look, I didn't put the pieces together until

you guys mentioned Michael had actually gotten

married .I heard that, too, but come on, it's

Michael. We are talking about here.

I didn't believe it.

What do you mean "pieces" to what?

Nero told me a story one time. He was kinda vague about it..

But...

Supposedly, Michael comes home from a business

trip. He was supposed to come back a day

later, but the flight got bumped. Something like

that. He gets home and -- surprise! -- there's a

strange car already parked in the driveway.

Michael ...

What are you doing here?!?

I was about to ask the same thing.

Where is she?

Seriously, man ..

Where is she, Nero?!?

Your going to regret this,.. Both of you..

It was Nero. He'd been seeing Michael's

wife behind his back. Before that, they'd

been best friends.

And Michael didn't get a divorce?

Come on you know Michael. I bet you he had

four or five girls side..

He probably with one of 'em on that trip.

I think he was more messed up that it was Nero

he found with his wife.

Man, this worse than a soap opera!

Tell me about it!

No wonder his widow didn't show up.

She's probably embarrassed!

Thats what's worse: How did we all

not get invited to the wedding? C'mon,

you know Michael would have made a big deal

about tying the knot. What's the big secret?

You're talking about a guy who turned his

own funeral into a free- for-all.

Your Right...

look, Doesn't like anybody's up here.

What do you want to do?

I say we go back downstairs and see

if Alan and Bess are around.

Speaking Alan what's the big deal? I mean, .

He's taking this pretty hard..

Do you think him and Michael were an item?

I think the less we know about what

everybody was up to since school, the

happier we're gonna be ..

Bess....

What are you doing up here?

I'm looking for Alan. Apparently, he left the

bathroom, but now, I can't find him.

What are you doing up here?

Well, it seems like Michael's last wish was

to hide a key to his safety deposit box somewhere

around here and now everybody's crazy to

find it.

Bess? You okay?

Yeah, just kind of disgusted that Michael would pull

a dumb stunt like that.

Well, We need to find Nero before he single-handedly

tears this place apart. If you see him,

tell him to stay put..

You know he's not gonna listen to me!

Then kick him in the crotch or something ...

What's the problem?

See for yourself.

Uh ... what the hell's going on here?

You got me. Maybe they ran out of coffee? Shane

Try again.

Now look, I came in here and found the urn or

whatever the hell you call that thing like that. Empty.

Look if this is a practical Joke, it's not funny.

Yeah ... You know remind me never to anything to do with

Michael Stevenson again. I usually like to having

my head messed this much unless it's got a descent

dee-jay and flashing lights to go with it.

Well, Maybe that Konner Friel guy scattered the

ashes already? He looked like he was in a hurry.

I'm not a funeral expert, but if he were going to do

something like scatter the ashes, wouldn't you

need to take along the urn?

I came in here right that "living will". what ever

hell that was. There wasn't any time for

anybody to do anything.

Do I even want to ask how you where the first

one to find the empty urn ..

Ask away, bud.

Maybe you snorted it...

Piss off, bookworm! Alright I came in, here looking for the

key, and i thought the creepy dude stashed it in with

Mikey's ashes that's it that's how I found, okay?

Dude..

Anything else you want to criticize me over?

That's sick.

Hey, if people weren't sick, we wouldn't need

penicillin!

Ok, cool down, Nero. This is serious.

Ummm....

Here's something else you're gonna find

interesting.Not only are missing the ashes ...

.. but there were no ashes to begin with.

Damn..

Look, maybe we should go find that

funeral director guy ?

NO,, what we should do is leave!!

We already paid our respects. The rest of this,

we don't want to be a part of.

Speak for yourself, Shane.

Yeah ... I mean, if I find that key, it's not

like I'm handing it over to charity. I

love money, too.

Look I have a very strong feeling that if you do

find that key. Your not going to like it..

Oh My GOD..

Ya I mean cut the "bad karma" crap, Shane?

Look, Michael left one of us a large, large

sum of money.. He did it the typical Michael way.

This..This Is probably just part of the joke.

Yeah. I know. Were on par for the course.

Ya Well.. Any you guys go find the funeral director.

Whoa, Whoa.. Where are you going?

I'm gonna be rich by sunset, suckers!

Dammit, Nero..

Let him go. He's not going to find the key.

That's not what I'm worried about. What I'm worried

we should probably call the cops

and when we do Mr. Space Cadet is running around,

trying to find the key.. and then there going to think

we're involved in this.

If the cops show up... We will just pretend

like we don't know him.

Maybe he went out for a late lunch?

Or a drink.

Or to meet up with the rest of the Addams' family.

Maybe he did do something with Michael's ashes?

Look I'm telling you, there were no ashes in there.

We could always call the cops.

Sure, "YA, Nine-One-One? Ya look somebody stole

my buddy's ashes. No, I'm not on drugs.

No, I swear, You know how ridicules that sounds ?

Besides, what if we're wrong and the cops come and

we crash Michael's funeral?

Michael did a pretty good job of that all by himself.

Why was Nero doing in there, anyway?

Oh, joy. It's the "ol'hide the key cremation" gag.

I just dont know why Nero was that desperate for the money.

The bigger question is why would Michael leave us

the rest of his money..

We're his friends?

Na, I mean we ended things badly.

Really?

Ya, I did some "creative accounting"

for him a while back and lost him a ton of money.

It was right around the time we all went our

separate ways. I don't think he ever forgave me.

So why would he give me the opportunity to get

the rest of his money?

Maybe he forgave you?

He seemed like he forgave a lot of people..

You know what would be funny?

Uh ... what? Because I could use a good laugh.

Let's Just say that Konner Friel hid the key in

this bar and then, let's say, I find the key and i give the

money to everybody except Nero ...

That would be pretty funny.

And then, let's say ...

What is it? The key?

A black widow's veil. Who cares?

Michael's wife probably stashed it in there..

Why would she put it in the bar?!? I mean

why is it in there..

Well, If this chick is crazy enough to marry Michael,

Well, If this chick is crazy enough to marry Michael,

she's Likely crazy enough to do just about anything ..

Besides why would Michael have a widows veil in his bar?

He was a little weird,but it's not like....

Oh, boy ..

Is any body here?!?

I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea ...

Godd....

This is terrible ...! How could this happen?

Who would have done such a thing.

Mrs. Stevenson?

Mrs. Stevenson? Im so sorry. I dont know how

this could have happened!!

I dont know who would do such thing?

Mrs. Stevenson? You ... I have to call the police .

You have to help me on this one?

Mrs. Stevenson ...

This is no way to run a funeral, Mr. Friel ...

I have, have, dont know who would have done this?

We're going to need another body to burn ...

If you want my honest opinion, I think we're being

messed with.

Yeah ... but by who? That funeral director?

Maybe. "Friend of the family" my ass!

he's a little big to be dressing up as the widow?

That's the whole thing, nobody's actually

know's what the widow looks like. Do they?

You think the whole widow thing is fake?

I don't know, maybe this is one of Michael's joke?

Maybe it's a scam? Whatever it is,somebody's up to something.

Yeah, but why?

I don't know. But there's money involved;

Probably some thing to do with it.

I'm starting to think you're right

about not wanting that key thing...

Thank God. I've got an idea.

Shoot!

We get everybody and get the hell out of here.

Hey ... where are you going?

I'm going to round up the others.

By yourself?

I'll tell 'em what I found and they'll probably stop looking

for the key..

That's doubtful ..Nero seems pretty hell-bent

on finding his fortune

Not if I kick his ass first..

Great and i get to stay here ... By my self..

And wait for the others .. Yep.

Have you never done this before?

Are you going coming back to get me, right?

No. I was going to wait for you to die..

Noo, Im coming back alright!

If that funeral director comes back before I do though,

Just play dumb.

Wait ...!!!"If that funeral director comes back..

Damn it..

Er ... who's there?

Um, Mr. Friel? I was... I got lost so i just thought.

it would be best to just hang out by the bar..

I don't even believe that...

This defiantly messed-up!

Still empty...

They coulda hidden the damn thing anywhere!!!

I Wish I had a map, So much easier...

Is that where you hid it, Mikey?

You made it a secret toy surprise in the

the box of Wheaties ...?

Look Mikey i'm sorry you're dead, Really okay i am..

Alright .. but I need to find that key.

Tall Tony doesn't take Visa, know what I mean?

Nero ...

Ahhhh...!!!

Awhhh,,, Who are you? How did you know my name?

Michael told me all about you.

What are you doing in here?

I could ask you the same question.

Ya bet uh.. I could answer it before you could

answer why the hell you're wearing a veil

in the middle of the afternoon in some dead

guy's kitchen.

There are some things you don't want to see.

Trust me.

Oh yeah? Like what?

Like my handiwork.

Where the hell is everybody?!?

Hey!

Holy crap ...!

Sorry about that!

It's okay. This place is a friggin' maze.

Cant find any body.. It's like they all went home.

And this is not a place I wanna hang out by myself.

Well, where did everybody go?

Are they still looking for that key?

Yeah, good luck trying to talk everybody out of

it. They're all looking for a big payday, even if it's

their dead best friend's money ...

Terrific. Alan's traumatized, he runs off, and I spent

most of the day trying to track him down.

And for some stupid stunt like this! I

should've known. Michael was always good

for some sick practical jokes.

It gets worse.

How?

Michael's ashes is missing.

You're kidding.

Somebody is. Hayden thinks there never

were any ashes in the first place.

Anybody bother to call the cops?

I don't know what's going on. I thought that Konner Friel

guy scattered ashes or whatever but

but I can't find him, either.

It's like every one here just vanished.

By the way ...

Ya..

Were gone this whole time, looking for Alan?

It's a big place, Shane.

If you say so.

Shane ..

Are you calling the cops?

I would ...

... B ut the phone's dead.

And I have zero bars on my phone.

Mine, too.

I'm never going to another funeral. Ever.

You think I had something to do with all this?

long time.

You're making a mistake ...

Oh ... God ... Hayden .

Shane ... Shane

The widow is here..

What?

The widow's here ... I saw who it was ...

It's Her! Its Her!

It's ok... It's ok.. We'll get you to a hospital...

Bess,, What's going on?

Don't.

Bess ..

One of you was bound to figure it out. It's me.

I'm Michael's widow.

Why all these years of secrecy? Why now?

Because they think I did it!!!

I've already gone a few rounds with the cops. I didn't need

you all to come down on me, too ...

You killed him, didn't you?

No! I loved him! He was the poison! All he did was hurt

me! Cheat on me! He broke my heart! He made me feel

like I was nothing!

Michael ...

What are you doing here?!?

I could ask you the same Question ?

Where is she?

Seriously, man ...

Where is she, Nero?!?

You didn't "catch" us doing anything, Michael

I got your message, I knew the flight got

bumped. I also know what you did in Reno last week.

Paris, last month. Hell, the detective I hired has

stuff on you for the last year. And look on your

face right now? Priceless.

How could you ...?

Either of you ...?

Come on man. She said you were ok with this!

Besides there's always room for one more ...

You're going to regret this. Both of you..

Michael!!!! Michael!!!

Michael

So we went through a "trial separation". Just more cannon

fodder for the cops.

You don't know all the women he was with. I tried. I tried

to stay with him through all that ...

Just put down the knife ...

You think I killed Hayden, too don't you? And the others.

Who else is dead?

I don't know what you're talking about, rock star.

Look I'm being serious, Bess. You need help.

I'm being serious, too! Nobody's gonna treat me like I

killed my husband! Nobody!

I guess you better start running now.

Come on out, Shane ...

I just want to talk to you, rock star!

Come on Shane ...

I'm going to find you..

I'm going to find you and

I'm going to kill you ...

I can hear you, rock star.

You're telling everybody about how I killed Michael!

Listen to this, you psychotic bitch!

You're not gonna hit me with that!

That's the best you can do?

Come on Shane.. I just want to talk!!

We can work this out..

I know you're still in this house Shane...

I locked all the doors. Nobody gets in, nobody

gets out. Not until they listen to me ...

Come on, Shane, one more time for old time's sake?

Just like high school. Right! You remember school right,

You and I dated, Michael and I dated -- hell,

I even made out with Nero a few times.

We don't have any secrets, do we? That's why you know I'd

never kill Michael ...

And there is something else you should really know

-- and this is the part you're really gonna

find funny... there's no key, right?

This whole thing is Michael last big sick

joke? You think he'd ever leave anything to

anybody? Even after he died? He was like

one of those Egyptian pharaohs. He'd have it

all buried in a crypt before he'd ever leave a dime to

anyone! He laughed at you guy's behind your backs!

Best we do this quietly, Shane.

I'm sorry, Mister Bojangles.

But that money is mine ...

If there's anything I hate, it's a poseur ...

What's wrong, Bess? Confused?

Okay, put that friggin' knife down before you hurt somebody.

Had you going, didn't I?

Yeah, well, just don't forget the plan. How long were you

planning on taking to kill that crazy bitch, anyway?

Had to make it look convincing. Otherwise, the

the whole "widow flips out" routine ... Wouldnt work.

Honey ...?

I want a divorce, Michael ...

Bess would never say that.

Are we going to do this or not?

I wanna take of this stupid costume.

It's gotta look convincing for the

camera. The cops are gonna find a hole in it

somewhere. I can hack timestamps and edit

some stuff out, but they'll be looking

for mistakes.

So I can't wear a hockey mask or a

jumpsuit or something?

I'm establishing a theme. Bess is

obsessed with being a widow. She runs

around all dressed up in a veil, she

kills me, then, she wipes out everybody

else at the funeral because I she thinks

I was gonna leave one of them all my money.

Then, once my will gets sorted and all

the assets get transferred to an

overseas account, you and I split the

proceeds and we live tax- free in

some tropical resort somewhere. Everybody

is gonna get what's coming to them ...

Well, short of stabbing you to death myself,

I don't get how they'll believe you got murdered.

Trust me, my friend at the Parkside Funeral

Home is going to handle that part, alright?

How? Is he making up a corpse to

No.... He's gonna forge an autopsy report, then

claim to have "cremated" the body so nobody

can go looking for it. As far as he knows,

I was involved in some sort of scandal before I

died and my folks are paying him to clean it up

it up. Can we get on with this?

Yeah? What if one of your "friends" decides

to spill the beans?

I'll take care of all that at the funeral ...

So. You liked the plan huh?

It was a little more elaborate than it needed to be.

Did everyone need to die?

A necessary evil. I had to make sure Konner

autopsy report, and I had to take care of

Bess, make it look like she'd flipped out

and did all this. You know that. There's

been security cameras running this whole time.

After a performance like that, and with a little editing,

there ain't a jury in the world that would convict you..

you. All they'll know is that Bess flipped out and

went on a killing spree at some imaginary

funeral she set up.

What about the others?

Well, all those guys screwed me Five years ago, now

it's my turn. You get set for life and I get to get out

of this dress. It's hard to pick up women in a

widow's veil!?

No more loose ends?

Nope.

Good.

Because uh, didn't want to split your estate

with anybody else. Especially not you.