Original subtitles

Why don't we start from the beginning?

Okay,

I guess it all began the moment I realized I had... My mother's legs.

This Friday, one of the 34 producers of Hereditary presents a metaphor so

frightening, we're not even sure what it means.

You got a permit for those veins?

Do you think you're afraid of aging?

This weekend, you can run. But she really shouldn't.

I think it's smart.

Or is it stupid? Either way, we gotta see it.

Could I please see my mother's legs?

Oh, I knew I breastfed you too long.

No, it's a new horror movie.

Oh, hon, you can't say a scary movie.

You slept in my bed for a week after you saw that black and white Cymbalta

commercial.

Something wrong with your chair?

No, there's something wrong with you.

You don't let me do anything I want, so I... I don't care for you.

Oh, that's it!

Your father is going to give you a talking to if I can reach him and if

he's conscious.

What is this? Does your mom want me to give you the sex talk? Isn't that

Pornhub's job?

She won't let me see a scary movie.

And you won't let me sit in the front seat.

It's so annoying.

Hey, quit having a tantrum. Will you grow up? You two won't let me. I wish I

was an adult. I hate being a kid.

Are you kidding?

Childhood is carefree, no consequences.

But not adulthood.

Did you know my cardiologist is forcing me to wear a step tracker now?

Not for health reasons, but so he has a paper trail when I die prematurely and

my beneficiaries try to sue him. You vulture.

You don't believe me, do you? Fine, I'll show you how hard it is being a mediocre

adult.

This is your best example?

Hey, kids in the kitty corner.

Always treat me like a kid.

Kids, huh? They don't know how easy they got it. Or do they?

Whoa, return to sender. You just offended the wrong magical hag.

Perhaps it's time you learned a lesson in empathy by walking a mile in someone

else's shoes.

The next hand you shake will be the body you take.

Enjoy your curse.

Curse? Are you kidding? I can't wait to choose what body I switch with.

I could have boobs, or be an eagle, or an eagle with boobs.

Thanks, old hag. Maybe ugly people do have something to offer.

Dad, wait!

Where are you, Sydney, sweet eagle?

Dad, please, can I see the movie?

I can handle it. I'm a big boy now.

Problems. But, Mom, I've never heard Stan talk to me like that.

I'm not eating my son. That can't be the answer to every problem I have.

You're right.

Maybe it's time I put my foot down.

Thanks. Enjoy your dinner.

Oh, Mom.

Wake up, Barbra Streisand.

Stop screaming, Mr. Flesh. My head hurts worse than it did after Lady Bird didn't

pick up a single Oscar.

Stan? Is that you? Of course it's me. Why?

It's okay.

You're safe now.

Ew. Are you okay?

He's gonna figure you out. Quick!

Act like an adult.

Uh, Roth Ira.

Yes, I love Roth and Ira in the morning.

Fun radio show. The best. Bye.

Phew. That was some quick thinking.

Huggy's preteens?

This is Stan's stupid body.

Dad! It's me and your amazing body.

Mary J. Blige, we must have switched when you grabbed my hand. We gotta find

the hag who did this to us. What did you do to my under chin? It's all swollen

and bloated.

All I did was use the bathroom. Nine times. Is there a knob to adjust urine

pressure? The velocity scares me.

Okay, no more Mr. Nice Mom. Time for... What are you doing here? Uh, uh... My

handsome, strong-streamed dad just came to take me out for a Father Sunday.

No, it's a school day.

Uh, maybe we should listen to Mom.

Did you just take my side?

What's your angle? Another loan?

No, you still haven't paid me back for the crypto you swore would pay for

Stan's college.

It's not like it was Huck 2 a coin.

It was Huck 3-a. Who wouldn't invest in that kind of wordplay?

In Dad's defense.

Just get ready and meet me in the car.

Great. Now we have to wait until tonight to find the hang, and I'll just spend

the day at school?

This will be like a vacation, but free.

Except my taxes pay for your school. I hate being an adult. But wait, I'm a

kid.

And I'll be at your job doing whatever I want. This is going to be awesome for

me. You're going to be miserable once you see how tough my school is.

Well, good luck relaxing in a room full of detectives. Those guys are

professional tattletales who spend their days sniffing out the truth.

But you better not crack, because I don't want you ruining my vacation.

In fact, give me my phone.

What are you doing?

I'm documenting the condition of the loaner vehicle because I know you're

gonna mess it up. Let's see.

Scuff on the right shoe, bum knee, razor wire tramp stamp, train tracks from

wearing my belt too tight, fly down, any belly button, and I want it to stay that

way. I'll send you a copy for your records. Now get!

Damn, forgot to ask if he wanted serious.

First up, ditching these.

He's gone. Help!

I got you, Stan.

There's the world.

Honestly, I thought these were props.

I'll have what he's having, medication-wise.

No beds here, except some do-whatever-the-vitamin-F-I-want.

Wait, let's do a prank. When I was young... Like today.

I always wanted to pull the office deep-hoo.

You drop a number two at your teacher's desk, and I ain't talking pencils.

How is that a prank?

Because the desk was empty, and then you fill it with... You know what? You're a

terrible hang.

Your dad was right. They're gonna read you faster than you read all the Percy

Jacksons. So figure out what to do and fit in. Like a kid who hasn't read all

the Percy Jacksons.

Good morning, sluts.

That's how I talk. I'm rude.

Um, I thought we could talk about what we're all doing today.

I know we all know what that is, but let's say it out loud together for fun.

Thought I might update my firmware.

I'm hoping this version is the one Winona finally finds dateable.

I've decided this is the century I learn how to do a cartwheel.

And I'm filling out the forms to see if I'm eligible for the materialist

surgery. Then I'll be tall enough to ride the Viper.

Wow, your dad really exaggerated the microscope you'd be under.

But we shouldn't be surprised, given the way he oversold Goonies to us. They're

too busy to notice me.

Should we notice you?

Me? No. Nothing to notice here.

Good breakfast. Good breakfast.

Good breakfast. Good breakfast.

No notes. We got this.

Oh, Stan.

Tardy to student council, a rare offense.

But let it be known, bureaucracy waits for no one. Except the treasurer, for

she has the key to the snack cabinet.

The first item of business is a fundraiser to clean the lead out of the

drinking fountain water.

President Stan, the floor is yours.

President, huh?

Nerd alert.

Okay, classic lead in the water situation.

How about six words?

Brita, filter, fountains, meeting adjourned. Bye.

How does that do anything?

Uh, how did the ice bucket challenge do anything?

If it was up to you, everyone would have ALS. Meeting over.

Everybody out.

I need to do some grunt work.

Uh, I can do that grunt work for you, Mr. President.

I knew being an adult would be easy. It's mostly asking people how their

weekend was or is going to be. You can probably go either way on Wednesday.

Plus, all the fun stuff we can do now. Own a flamethrower, get an STD on a

beach-based reality dating show, serve on a jury, or be tried as an adult.

Tried as an adult?

That's it.

Hey, chums. You know how we're all adults over 18?

What if we took advantage of that and we went to see my mother's legs?

Can we go? Please?

Pretty please? Please?

Pretty please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please? Okay, well, go. Just stop doing that.

Can someone else be the one to say what the hell is wrong with Flute? Isn't it

obvious? You said he was acting odd this morning. Now he's acting odd again.

Two odds make an even. Even Steven. Steven is the druggiest of the Baldwin

brothers. Flute is on drugs.

What drug do you think he's on? Probably meth.

It's trending again, like tiny purses.

Nah, flute's old school.

Has to be coke.

Well, you know what this means.

We gotta take bets. I got weed.

You got any high-fiber options?

Stan, you need to renew your line leader license.

Stan! Don't forget your shift today at the school confessional. And I'm a

student priest?

Aren't there child labor laws?

That's what we're fighting for in the Child Labor Law Club, which needs you to

stay late today.

Here you are! Everyone, I found the fire czar, and he's gonna lead us to safety!

Sorry, wrong hat.

You excited to see this? I am. When I saw the trailer, it was really cool.

Well, based on all that chattering, it seems Flute's taken the white bus out of

Snort Authority to ski down the powdery snow of old Booger Sugar Mountain.

Nose first.

I'm saying he's on cocaine.

Please, look at all the munchies he's bought. He's higher than a bar stool.

Some people find those very high.

We did it. Time for our rarely used victory handshake.

Meth thinks that money is mine.

Wait, is he shooting out?

This way. I can't cover my eyes during the scary parts.

Sorry, I can't do this. I had too many gummies and way too much coconut. You

guys, Fluke's not on one drug. He's on all of them.

Time to pinch this off my bucket list.

Imagine you're ten minutes into a six-hour drive and you had every chance

to go before we left. But no!

Talking to your imaginary friend?

Pentos, you scared everything but the crap out of me. What are you doing?

Asks the bare-bottom boy crouched over my knick-knack drawer.

I was trying to do the office de-poo, patent pending, but I've been so slammed

with school stuff, I didn't have time to eat, which is a pretty impotent part of

the operation.

And the worst part?

I'm losing faith in this prank, in myself, in the puns. Is it even funny?

Are you laughing? I'm not.

Well, this is your first merit, and you seem to have learned some kind of lesson

or whatever.

I will not punish you, but I must call your mother.

Oh, the thing I can't do right now.

My parents were right. I'm no big boy.

Bright side, theatrical box office is down 50% since 02, so only half the

people saw you run out crying like a baby.

Permission to sit awkwardly on the edge of your desk?

We know what's going on.

How long have you known?

Since this morning. The movie just confirmed it.

I got a surprise for you.

A surprise?

Either we get you back to the man you used to be, or we forcibly send you

somewhere that can.

It's okay. We knew you'd be institutionalized one day. That's why we

keistered those lockpicking tools.

Damn! They're in your other body.

We're screwed.

Flute? As a cyborg, there are few things that can hurt me.

North Korean malware, electromagnetic pulses, a Brillo pad, and after today,

I'm adding, watching you suffer.

I pray that you can turn it around, or at least turn it into an Emmy-winning

stand-up special like John Mulaney.

He's so precise!

As your imaginary counsel, I advise you to stay cool, keep quiet, and take any

one of these pills.

Except the green ones.

Usually, I'm the first in line to see you suffer, but you are not yourself.

Hold the line. There's no way they could know. This precinct needs you. But you

seem like a completely different person. Like you're wearing somebody else's skin

and doing things you'd never do.

Your dad was right.

They know everything.

Abandon ship!

You're right. I'm not who you think I am. I'm a little boy trapped in a big

boy body. I love my mommy.

I tested Flute's hair.

No drugs.

He's clean.

Though his liver is failing.

Well, that's just from his drinking.

Yeah, and no need for an intervention there, because if we gave him one for

that, then we all need one for our gambling addiction.

But we don't, because alcohol and gambling are both legal.

I can't do it when people are watching.

Talking back, pulling the fire alarm, pooping in a teacher's desk.

You really are your father's child.

Please, woman. I just sat down.

That's it. I've had enough. I didn't want to be my mother, but you leave me

no choice. I have to spank you.

Finally, something good.

Let's do this.

I have been a very bad boy, and bad boys need to be... No!

It's okay.

It's bad.

It's not good. This isn't how I like it.

I hope you've learned your lesson.

Yeah. I've learned you've ruined spankings for me.

Oh, Flood, I hurt our son. I wanted to help, but maybe I'm just a bad mom.

No, you're a great mom who was trying to protect her son, and if he had just

listened to you in the first place, none of this stupid day would have happened.

Do you really think I was right?

I've always thought you were right.

I don't know if it's the popcorn on your breath or the way you said I was right.

No, well, it was definitely the way you said I was right, but I feel like I owe

you a favor now.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Boy, could you ever.

My tummy hurts.

Aw, does someone need a tummy rub?

Ah, that's nice.

It was a really hard day.

How hard?

Really hard. No!

No sex! I have to see my son.

So, how's it been going being a kid?

Good. Easy.

Living the dream.

You? No, yeah. Same, same. So easy.

Oh, I lied. Today was very disturbing.

You're telling me. I'm gonna have to get a new kink. We gotta go to the bar and

switch back.

You drive.

I can't figure out reverse.

Way too pretty.

Fluke, your usual.

We just need to find that old hag.

Well, that's gonna be hard. All these grown ladies are stunning.

I got this.

Attention, alcoholics! We're looking for an ugly woman.

Ooh, I'm your huckleberry.

Ew. But maybe later.

Is tonight Hag Queen Bingo?

Cute dream weaver.

That's her!

Turn us back!

I'm not changing you back. You haven't learned your lesson!

She came out of nowhere.

She's dead.

Which means we'll never be able to switch back.

I forgot how good a tantrum feels.

It's like booze through movement.

I can't live your life. I'm not a big boy. I don't know how you do it. They

were all staring at me.

Hey, shh. It's okay. People should be staring at you.

Because you're amazing.

I lived your life today. And you do so, so much.

Oh, without a single working eyeball.

You are a big boy, a responsible big boy, and that's the best kind.

Outside of WWE big boys, but let's not get into that.

From now on, you sit in the front seat. Not just because you're going to have to

drive now, but you're ready.

It says new record, 2,000 steps.

Or one mile, which means you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

Lesson learned. Thanks to me!

Oh, sorry, I'm the hack.

Was the hack.

I switched bodies with the bus driver when we touched hands.

And now that you've learned your lesson about empathy, I'm ready to switch you

back. Hell yeah!

Let's do this!

What's gonna happen to the bus driver?

Uh, don't worry about it. Anyway, how do your feet feel after all of that? But is

he, like, dead now?

Uh, I mean, yes.

But, I mean, it's not important.

What is important is... May I see your feet?

Wait, is this just a foot fetish?

No, sicko! My fetish is teaching people lessons while making them walk in other

people's shoes, which, yes, requires feet, but it's also about the shoes.

And them not being yours.

Who is that? Because I'm in the market for a new cake.

Oh, it's actually a pretty active community.

You know, I'm gonna change your back because it's weird talking about this

with a 12 year old

Thank

God

depends mustache heart palpitations, I'm back baby. I'll drink to that Vitamin

F my vitamin L being an adult sucks

Good night, Mom.

I love you.

Oh, Stan.

I love you, too. You know, you're a really good mom.

Just thought you should know that.

For no real reason.

Aw, thank you, hon-bon.

But if you wanted to be better, maybe you might want to look up how to do a

tummy rub.

In case you're confused about that.

I, yeah, sure.

But, Mom, now I'm in your body. Just make sure not to kiss your dad.

That would be crazy, but funny, right?

Oh, my God!

Flute and stand body swapped!

This isn't family-friendly!

Freaky Friday is a horror film!

Thank you.