Original subtitles

Hi, boys!

Hey, Roy, you want to get a new

elastic band in that?

No, I dropped it.

Shut up.

Hey, what have you got in this thing?

Atomic juice or something?

You know what you should do with yours,

don't you?

What?

Oil it.

Get out.

You let me stand it out there, but

what's the matter with you?

I know.

Hey!

What's up, mate?

Got your bags on?

What are you talking about?

You'd be better off on a bike.

You'd better wait for the 46 bus, the

way you were going.

Shut up.

Hey, have you seen his bit of metal,

have you?

It's a decent bike.

Decent bike?

Oh, get him.

He's still here.

Hey, who's buying the cheese?

Oh, yeah, you're a skid anyway.

Hey!

Hey, hold on.

What about me?

Want a cake, love?

No.

Sure?

Hello.

Hello, boys.

Recording couple.

Hello, there.

You're going steady.

Ah, don't we are.

Yeah, of course we are.

Aren't we?

Give us a kiss, love.

How's that then?

For washing wooden silks and all dainty fabrics.

Contains no free alkali.

Have you ever seen a statement like this

on the outside of a packet of soaps?

If so, you may have wondered what an

alkali is.

Petty.

Petty.

No, please.

In the last chapter, you learnt something about

acids.

In this, you will be able to learn...

Has he got the ring yet, Doc?

Oh, clock him one if he hasn't.

Have you told your mum yet?

Oh, she don't mind.

I'll be 16 in December.

She got spliced with Dad when she was

16.

Sweet 16 there'll never be.

Who hasn't, mate?

Where it goes, don't rush.

One at a time, one at a time.

Ed, you got it?

Come on, let's have a look at it,

Reggie.

Got what?

Oh, the ring.

Ring?

What ring?

Oh, come on, me mates want to see

it.

All right, now hold on, girls.

Don't get jealous.

Now, watch your eyes.

It's going to dazzle you.

What's going on here?

He's Doc's ringmate.

He just gave it to her.

They're engaged.

So is the ring, Doc.

That's lovely.

You're a lucky girl.

Yeah, it cost a few bob and all,

I tell you.

Is this your fiancé?

Oh, don't you remember him, miss?

Reggie Wilcox.

He was in Mr. Barnard's class.

Yeah, he remembers me and all.

You want to think carefully before you rush

into marriage.

Oh, blimey, before we get a lecture.

Come on.

Here we go.

I'll see you tomorrow.

So long, then, girls.

Sorry and all that, but you know how

it is.

Bye, then.

Bye.

Hurry up, Doc, before me mum comes here.

Do you

want a fag, love?

Oh, no, thanks.

I wouldn't mind a piece of chocolate.

It's in me bag.

Yeah, you've got a lot in here.

When shall we have the wedding, then?

Oh, I don't know.

How about straight after I leave school?

Then I can't get talked into getting a

job.

Here, you're doing pretty well.

Have you deployed my dame up there yet?

Yeah.

Should we have bridesmaids?

No, I can't hold a fancy, Doc.

I want it in a church.

I'm not going to have it downtown at

all.

You haven't been to church since you was

christened.

Oh, it's nice in a church.

I'm going to have a white dress and

all.

All I want's a double bed.

You ain't got room to breathe here.

Oh, you ain't half sexy.

It's all you think of.

Yeah, I know.

Here, is that your mum back?

Oh, blimey.

See what I mean?

Never no peace.

Yeah, nothing.

Are you in, Reggie?

Yeah.

Well, you might have put the kettle on.

I've been too busy.

What's she going to say when she sees

me here?

Oh, it's all right.

Come on, she might get the wrong idea.

Don't see her, Mum.

She's having tea.

Oh, blimey.

Come on.

Oh.

Hello, Mrs Wilcox.

When did you get in, then?

Oh, we just come in.

Oh, we got the ring.

Do you like it?

Oh, yes, very pretty.

You ought to put down on furniture before

you buys that.

Oh, here I am.

Give me that.

They'd better go and pay that ring.

You need a home before you get a

ring.

Oh, well, I don't want to have to

wait for me ring.

You don't want to wait for nothing, do

you?

Well, all right, then, Reggie.

Don't stand about there giggling.

Get some cups out.

Oh, we ain't stopping for tea.

We're going to the doctor's.

Look, you just told me.

No, we ain't stopping, Mum.

Oh.

Come on, then, darling.

Ta-ra, Dad.

Hi.

Oh, and it's that girl there.

Why can't he ever shut a door?

I don't know.

Oh, where are they going to live?

He don't earn much, does he?

No.

He'll pinch all right when he's got to

keep her.

Won't be so much money for his back,

will there?

No.

Marriage.

They don't even know the meaning of the

word.

Well, you try and stop them.

Hope your mum's going to be out, Doc.

Ah, she's going to play bingo.

Yeah, we'll play bingo and all.

Oh, suit me all right.

Let your room.

Do with the extra lolly.

You be all right with your tea, then?

We'll go down to the fish shop, Doc.

Hey, you should have heard Omar Thomas.

Don't rush into it, she said.

Yeah, she wouldn't mind a chance of rushing.

Hey, Mum.

She won't be back till late tonight.

Oh, yeah?

We are going up to the bingo hall.

Wow, bingo.

I see, I see.

Yeah, well, have a nice time, then, Mum.

Cheeky little blighter.

Come on, give us your bag.

Here, Mum.

This says I wasn't to wear me ring

at school.

You can wear it if you want to.

Yeah, there are a load of nutcases at

that place.

Don't forget the washing up tonight, will you,

dear?

Oh, by the way.

Something come for you, you know, from the

holiday camp.

It's in the kitchen.

Those chalets look all right.

You'll be all right there, Rach.

Here, come on.

Let's go and have a look.

Your mum can't wait to be on her

own.

Here, have a look at these.

Yeah, let's find a chalet.

Here, Ray, look at this.

Hey, look at this, Doc.

All bedroom.

Hey, look at this.

It's great.

Luxuriously furnished chalets with bathroom and toilet incorporated

with every suit.

Sweet.

Here, hey, look at the dance there on

the dress coach.

Yeah, plenty of skirt there.

Oh, get off it.

Hey, look at the dining room.

Oh, look at it.

You've got your own serviettes, too.

Look, they've got everything.

Look, coloured walls, bath.

You know, what's it?

It's handy, isn't it?

Here, look.

Every mattress is guaranteed for 20 years.

Only ours lasts a couple of weeks.

Yeah, this is great.

We'll be all right here.

Nobody will disturb us.

There's no one to disturb us here, are

there?

You naughty girl.

Oh, oh, look at that.

Now, listen.

When I say one, two, three, say cheese.

One, two, three.

Cheese.

Oh, that was lovely.

Goodness, thanks, lovely.

I didn't cry.

Yes, I did.

Oh, did you?

Oh, look.

Here he comes.

It's the old building.

Get out of me, Harper.

Hey, only happens once.

You're not going to get away.

Hey, listen to me.

Here, it was good to come by a

bath, wasn't it?

After all, more money for booze.

Yeah, you're tight.

She's tight, your mother.

Dead tight.

Here we are, darling.

Oh, get there, please.

There we are.

This is it.

Yeah, that's right.

Forty-three flexes, darling.

What about the half, eh?

That's it, lovely.

Come on, boys.

I chose it for us.

Go and sit down.

Come on, sit down, dear.

What shall I make you?

Oh, my lovely.

That's a drink, love.

Come on.

Come on, Grant.

It's a bit late, darling.

Sit down, sir.

Come on.

Sit down.

What do you reckon?

Me, I'll have a gin and orange.

Excuse me, dear.

Excuse me.

Here, darling.

Oh, dear.

Gin and orange.

No, I'll have a milkstout, please.

He's a lovely boy, dear.

What have you had, love?

Port and lemon.

Port and lemon.

A pint of lemon, please, love.

I'll have a Guinness.

Guinness, pint of bitter, port and lemon, and

a milkstout over here, then.

Hey, I better go see what Dr. Reggie

want.

Nobody's asked them yet.

Hello, Reggie.

Boy, what are you having?

Oh, I'll have a beer, I think.

A beer makes you queer, you know, on

your wedding night.

What are you having, Doc, love?

Oh, I'll have a whiskey.

Whiskey makes you frisky.

What about the eats, then?

Come on, everybody.

Eats have it, please.

Here we are, then.

Thanks, Oliver.

You going to cut the cake, then, Doc?

Shall I do it now, then?

I don't know.

I suppose so.

I can't remember when they done it at

Carol's wedding.

Can you?

Here, Doc, come and cut the cake.

Come on, me.

Here, Mum, Dad.

We're going to cut the cake.

Come on, we're going to cut the cake.

Mate, they're going to cut the cake.

Come on, then.

Come on, then.

You stand there.

Right.

You put your hand down first.

I'm definitely going to make a mess.

Press down.

Press down.

Now, keep the rage.

Keep that.

I'm now going to propose a toast to

the happy couple.

And I hope you'll all join me in

hoping that all their troubles will be little

ones.

And so say all of us And so

say...

Yeah, I tell you, that's the hardest day's

work I've ever done.

Will you be requiring this, Mother?

Oh, no, not until the christening.

Yeah, what?

Oh, well, you never know.

Come here, darling.

It's legal now, you know.

Yeah, your hand is freezing.

Oh, you're lovely and warm.

Oh, Carol.

Look, if you want to get there for

your tea, you'll have to finish the packing,

won't you?

Tea?

It won't be time for tea once I

get you in that, shall it?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Hey, you know, I can't believe we're spliced.

I mean, I feel just the same.

Yeah, well, go on, say it.

Say what?

Mrs. Wilcox.

Mrs. Wilcox.

That's my mum.

Oh, it's me and all now.

Come on, dear.

Are you ready?

I'm ready for you any time, darling.

Oh, well, come on, then.

I mustn't forget me flowers.

I've got to throw them.

Have you got everything?

Yep.

Right.

Hey, where are you going?

Oh, me honeymoon.

Are you coming?

Cool.

I don't know.

Those buildings, Reg, ain't it smashing?

What, love?

I said, ain't it smashing?

Yeah, it's all right.

Come on, let's have a look at the

chalet.

The what?

You heard.

Don't you ever stop.

Come on.

Do you want to join in the game?

Yeah, you would.

Come on.

Hey, how about a dance, all right, darling?

Look at them flowers.

Oh, I'm starving, Reggie.

Yeah, you would be.

Hey, we're not too late for tea, are

we?

No, tea's served right through to your seat.

The dining room's over there.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, yes.

Hey, hey, Reggie, I want to go on

the whirl around.

Yeah, you would.

Oh.

Hey, look.

Hey, look at those up top.

They're wonderful chalets up top.

Yeah, beer, right giggle, weren't it?

I reckon we ought to stay and have

a grub of St. Brad.

Oh, you would.

Yes, here we are.

You'll find everything you like, bathroom, toilet, the

lot.

Come on.

Hope you have a pleasant stay.

Keep.

Thanks very much.

Come on, Reg.

Glad we

done it?

Yeah, of course.

At least we didn't have to get married.

Not like Carolyn staying.

I bet they're all counting the months.

Come on, give us a kiss.

Hello, campers.

There's a dance at the princess ballroom at

7.30. Now, don't forget, 7.30. Hey,

I better unpack my dress or we'll be

late.

Bags of time for that.

Bags of time.

Hey, Reggie, I'm hungry.

What, again?

I don't know why we come away.

Been here three days, haven't seen a thing

yet.

Yeah, all right, love.

I'm going to get some fresh air.

We don't have fresh air here, Reggie.

Come on out.

Nah.

I want to go somewhere.

I want to do something.

Can't do nothing.

It's raining, isn't it?

What do you mean you can't do nothing?

There's lots of stuff in the program.

Yeah, big giggle.

Well, what do you want to keep stuck

indoors for?

I'll point him coming here and tell him

that we have things to do.

Seems to be only one thing that you

want to do.

He must know I've had enough.

Here, Reggie, why don't you go into the

Tarzan competition?

You're joking, aren't you?

Here, bonnie babies.

Next year, love.

Oh, no thanks.

Here, Eric, Winston's playing tonight.

Oh, let's go, Reg.

Oh, big deal.

Oh, go on, Reg, I don't have any

hair done.

Nah.

Reggie.

Don't mind him.

Do you

think it suits me?

I think it suits you perfectly, love.

I hope me husband likes it.

I'm sure he will.

Hello, Reggie.

What's happened?

What do you mean, what's happened?

Just fancied a change, that's all.

Don't you like it?

It's all right, but I don't get it.

Oh, come on.

Let's go and get dressed for the dance

or we're going to be late.

What are you doing?

Well, you know, I always fancied it me

mum wouldn't let me.

Well, now we're married, she can't say nothing,

can she?

What about me?

What about you?

I said you liked it, didn't you?

Let's get out of here.

I've had enough.

What do you want to go for?

I'm enjoying myself.

Yeah, I know.

I've had enough.

May I have this dance?

Hey, you don't mind, do you?

Hey, you can sit there and watch.

Reg, tell them what about the policeman and

the Scottishman.

We've got to be going, look at the

time.

Go on.

I'm not doing nothing.

Oh, well, I'll tell it then.

Well, there's this policeman and this Scottishman, you

see.

Well, go and get some more drinks.

There's this policeman and this Scottishman.

Well, he was a sergeant.

He was a sergeant, that's right.

I can't get a truncheon.

I don't know why.

Four lagers, mate, please.

And it all turned out that the bat

pipe...

Hey, I know another footnote.

It's about this producer and this chorus girl.

Hey, look, this chorus girl, you know, shapely

old bitch she was.

She was on this revolve.

Hello, Reggie.

About time, hasn't it?

What you been doing?

Oh, just been telling a few jokes, that's

all.

What have you been doing?

Oh, I've been having a giggle, haven't I?

Sitting here waiting for you.

Well, you could have stayed with me.

I didn't give you the push.

Do you think I want to stay down

here with your friends telling dirty jokes?

They're not my friends.

I'm messing at the same time as you.

I've got your friends.

Do you mean to say you can sit

there and tell dirty jokes and they're not

your friends?

What's the matter with you?

What do you mean, what's the matter with

me?

Are you drunk or something?

No.

Smell.

Stop it.

You're spoiling the holiday.

We're not on our holiday.

We're on our honeymoon, in case you forgot.

We don't have to live and die together,

do we?

We've seen more of each other before we

was married.

I didn't have so much opportunity, did you?

I wasn't talking about that.

I should have thought you'd have been satisfied

not having to wait until your gran went

to bed so you could choose the front

route.

You know what I meant.

You're spoiling the holiday.

It's you spoiling it.

Well, what am I doing different this week?

I've never been away before.

We wasn't married then.

What's the difference, this?

Yeah, it is different.

Being married makes it different.

Well, I've got to stop enjoying myself just

because we got married.

I'm sorry we did.

We didn't have so many holidays together.

I just wanted to make the most of

it, that's all.

Look, I'm not saying we've got to do

things together always.

I just thought we would this week, that's

all.

Anyway, if you must know, I've just about

had enough.

So have I.

I mean, just look at you.

What's the matter with me?

Just look at your bloody hair.

Yeah, well, that reminds me of a joke

about AC.

Oh, I don't want to know.

There was this hairdresser, and he used to

wear a wig, you see.

And his girlfriend, she didn't know he wore

a wig.

Shut up.

And they were out, and it was very,

very windy.

And he's...

Please, miss.

Oh, you're back, then.

Where the hell have you been?

I went up to the junction to the

hairdressers.

Do you like it?

Now, look, it don't take all day, do

it?

I'm hungry when I come home.

Well, why didn't you make yourself some tea,

then?

I've been too busy, haven't I?

Oh, anyhow, it wasn't my fault.

They've gone and done it the wrong shade.

They've done it pink champagne instead of pink

platinum.

Why, we're carrying on.

You'd think we'd been married six years instead

of six months.

Oh, I didn't know they were going to

be so long.

Why didn't you leave me something?

Oh, don't go on, sir.

I didn't know I was going myself.

Carol came, and I went with her.

Oh, yesterday, you was up to pictures.

Now, look, I'm hungry when I come home.

I want something to eat.

I don't have to start doing any housework,

then, eh?

It wasn't a clean shirt, either.

Will you do something, sir, quickly?

I can't go to the laundry every day.

I was going tomorrow.

Oh, you can't do nothing, can you?

Oh, shut up.

When I come home from work, I want

you here to get my grub and do

me washing.

Why should I, sir?

Why should you?

Because you're my wife, that's why.

Now, look, I'm not going to argue with

you, but I'm telling you this.

If you're not here tomorrow night to get

me something, I'll have to find someone who

can.

I'm making you tea now.

What, beans again?

Well, what's the matter with them?

You always eat them.

Beans, beans.

I look like a boon.

I've got to eat something, or I can't

live on here.

Now, where are you going?

Down the cat.

I don't know why you don't move in

there.

Well, at least the grub's a bit better

down there, isn't it?

Oh, you're joking, of course.

Yeah, did you see me on Friday night

coming down here?

Yeah, I did.

I took on a Norton.

You know Jax Norton?

Yeah.

I took him out of the bridge, didn't

I?

Did you?

Yeah, did you know someone's been having me

on again?

The whole world's full of liars.

Where is truth?

You know, Columbus, I thought you were stateside.

You know what they all told me?

That these things went out with the ark.

You know that?

Just got out, have you?

That is real.

Columbus, when I was in America, it's something

newer than that.

Is he talking to me?

It is unbelievable.

I love you.

Hey, is that your Norton, mate?

That's my Norton.

I paid the first deposit.

Do you know that?

Ask any lawyer.

I paid the first deposit.

I promise you.

It was taken off the road 20 years

ago.

Do you know when I last saw you?

Where?

On the old crossways down to Brighton.

Do you remember that?

You were fast, mate, innit?

It has been known, you know.

You fancy a stomp against this?

Look, I don't waste my time with kids.

Just a minute.

Hold on, hold on.

I've got racing pistons on this, you know.

Have you?

Yeah.

What else have you got?

I've got close rocks.

And half a packet of Ronson flints.

Don't tell me your story.

Don't get me involved.

Here, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you a short burn from here

down the road.

About a mile.

Do you want to throw your money away?

OK, that's your problem.

OK, I'm going.

I'll see you down the road.

I've got a picture on my back.

That's what you're going to see, man.

He's a nutcase.

He's a definite nutcase.

Hey, what happened to you, then?

Well, you know, I thought I'd give you

a chance.

Hey, are you coming out for a drink,

then?

No, I ain't got much time now, mate.

I've got to go over and see me

grand.

My granddad's in bed.

Oh, come on.

You can go over there later.

Listen, I know the greatest place in the

world for a drink.

The greatest place you've ever seen.

Yeah?

Where's that, then?

Wait and see.

Follow me.

And wait and see.

Woo-hoo!

Here we are.

Yeah, hey!

Hey, what's all this here, then?

Eh?

What's all this here?

I told you it's the corporation rubbish dump

where I work.

What is rubbish doing here?

We burn all the rubbish in it.

It's a great old place, isn't it?

That poor girl stinks, doesn't it?

I come up here a lot at night

time.

You know, watching the trains, philosophising and drinking

beer.

Oh, yeah.

It's better than going to a boozer, I'll

tell you.

I reckon you're a bit of a nutcase,

Pete.

Why?

Well, you know, I want to sit down

in a pub, having a nice drop of

beer, enjoying myself.

You want to sit up here?

It's better up here, isn't it?

What do you think they're rockets falling?

Well, it's Guy Fawkes Night, man.

It's Guy Fawkes Night next week, eh?

No, not, man.

I tell you, you've got to use your

imagination.

If you want Guy Fawkes Night to be

tonight, then Guy Fawkes Night is tonight.

If you want Guy Fawkes Night to be

on Guy Fawkes Night, then it's on Guy

Fawkes Night.

It's all in the mind, you know?

OK, so I was brought up to pop

at it.

Yeah, well, I wasn't brought up at all,

mate.

I tell you, I went to sea school.

It's worse than Boston, all that is.

What did you do that for?

Well, my old lady and my old man

got killed during an air raid.

You know how that goes.

Here, give us a swig of that beer,

will you?

And watch these two go off.

Hey!

I tell you, this is marvellous.

You got any grandparents?

Whoa!

Hey, that's marvellous, isn't it, eh?

Hey, what about you?

You got any family and all that?

Here we go.

Watch this.

Bernard von Braun have got the sack for

a job like that, I'll tell you.

Hey, look at that!

Hee-hee!

Oh, that's marvellous, isn't it?

Right.

Did you get something to eat?

Yes, thanks.

Is everything all right, then?

Yeah, sure.

Well, you was a long time at her

cast.

Oh, I went to sea green.

Well, don't you come home early tonight?

Oh, she's in a bit of a state.

Oh.

Here, I've been reading some smashing stories since

you've been out.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, listen to this.

Phil, darling, I've been longing to be alone

with you.

He says, Have you, my fabulous she-cat?

Ha-ha!

That's daft, isn't it?

No, it's not daft.

Those people wouldn't buy them, would they?

People don't talk like that in real life.

Yes, they do.

Hey, Reg!

Here, look at this bird.

Hey, do you fancy her?

Yeah, she's all right.

Well, what about me?

Hey, what have you got in your mouth?

Oh, it's chewing them.

I didn't think you'd notice.

Hey, what's that on me back?

Oh, I was eating crisps.

Oh, stop for crying out loud.

Here, I'll be gone now.

Hey, this pillow's like a rock.

What's the matter with this?

Hey, mind out of me chocolates.

You'll melt them.

Chocolate's chewing gum.

Are we going?

See you, Reg.

Oh, then what's the matter with you?

You ain't normal.

Don't you want to anymore?

I'm sorry, Doc.

What have I done wrong?

He was keen enough before we was married.

Yeah, I know.

Funny, isn't it, to change?

I can't help it.

Well, it ain't funny for me.

I'm going mad.

You don't even try.

I ain't becoming a nun.

Reggie?

Hello, Mrs. Stanley.

What's up?

He's gone, Reggie.

Your grandma's here.

Oh, right.

I'll come back with you.

I'll give you a lift on the bike.

No, thank you, Reggie.

I'd rather walk.

Mr. Starr?

Yes?

My granddad's just died.

What is it?

My granddad's just died.

You'd better go home, then.

Pity you couldn't wait for the weekend.

See you tomorrow.

OK, boy.

The house won't half feel empty without him.

We'll be back with the coffin in about

an hour.

If you leave the front door open for

me, you'll really needn't know what's going on.

Better that way.

Less upsetting.

No farewells, you know.

Yeah, OK.

Oh, one further word of advice.

You know, he's got a brand-new pair

of pyjamas on.

It seems rather a waste.

I mean, once we collect him, there's to

know.

An old pair would do just as well.

Look here, mate.

If Gran put him in them, he's staying

in them.

Oh, very well, as you say.

No, I'll see myself out.

Mr. Lanny's gone?

Yeah.

Want a cuppa?

No, thanks, love.

Well, then you'd better run along.

I don't want to spoil your evening.

You've been with me all day, as it

is.

I don't like leaving you on your own,

Gran.

Oh, don't be silly.

You've got to get used to being on

me own, haven't I?

Now, go along.

There's a good boy.

You've been wonderful.

I don't know what I'd have done without

you.

Now, God bless you, Doug.

Are you sure you'll be all right?

Of course I'll be all right.

Go on up it.

I'll tell you what, I'll ask Mrs. Stanley

to come in, all right?

OK, that'll be lovely.

You do that.

See you in the morning.

OK.

Ta-ta.

Ta-ta.

For the time!

You said he was coming home straight after

work.

I'm crying out loud.

How did I know he was going to

die?

Now, come here!

Oh, shut up.

Well, you could have let me know, couldn't

you?

I come home from me mum's at five.

Look, I left as soon as I could.

You'd better know what goes on when somebody

dies.

Anyway, I thought what was happening was going

to the pictures.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Me granddad kicked the bucket this afternoon.

I don't feel like sitting in the pictures.

Well, look, they're gone with me mum this

afternoon.

You said this morning you were going.

Oh, what?

How's it going?

Now, look, you go to the pictures every

day.

It wouldn't do no harm to give it

a miss for once.

I don't go to the pictures every day,

only twice a week.

Get up!

Two teas, please.

No, I'm not going to sit in that

stinking room all day.

All right, then, get a job.

Then we'd have a bit more money towards

getting a decent place.

No, I'll do it.

Two teas.

I didn't marry to work.

I married to take things easier.

You pay.

Two teas.

I tell you, my mum always went out

to work.

And done the housework and all.

You can't even keep one lousy room clean.

You ain't a proper wife.

You ain't a proper husband either, are you?

What do you mean by that?

You know what I mean.

Well, it ain't all my fault, is it?

It's not just that.

You're always up here.

You never come home to me.

Always Gran or the cat, never me.

Oh, look, don't go on about that.

Well, are we going up the pictures or

not?

I told you once, I don't feel like

it.

You don't feel like it?

Well, I do.

I'm going by myself.

All right, ta-da then.

Hey, man.

She's still mine.

Hey, what's the matter?

Oh, me granddad died today.

Well, don't take it like that, mate.

Look, he had a good run for his

money.

Here, Les and me have got an idea

of putting a smile on your face, don't

we, Les?

What's that?

A big burn-up to Edinburgh and back.

How far is it, Les?

Oh, it's about 800 miles there and back.

Yeah, it's great.

Everyone sticks a nigger into the kitty and

the first one home grabs the lock.

What do you think?

30 or 40 quid to the winner.

Yeah, that sounds smart, doesn't it?

I'd like to win that.

Could do with the money.

With your bike?

No, no, straight up.

We give the laws a bit of a

bad time.

And if you pile your bike up, you

can come back down in a set of

bagpipes, can't you?

Yeah, sounds good.

Come over here, I'll tell you all about

it.

Are you awake?

Wedge!

Turn it out.

I've been to see a smashing film, Wedge.

You should have come.

It was all about naked people running round

on an island.

Hundreds of them.

Hey, have you seen My Pyjamas?

What?

It was called Return to Nature.

There was a smashing girl in it.

She had hair like mine.

Blimey.

And you know that man from the Tarzan

films?

Oh, you're talking about me again?

Hey, you must go, Wedge.

It's on on Friday.

You should have stayed down at Caff tonight.

It was great.

Me and the fellas are planning a trip

to Edinburgh and back.

What for?

Endurance tests for the bikes.

Trouble is, I think my bike's just about

had it.

I'm thinking of swabbing it in for a

bigger one, a 650 or something.

Well, what's the matter with the one you've

got at the moment?

Oh, she's all right.

She's not big enough.

It seems stupid getting a new bike just

for a run.

I'll have to have it, though.

Yeah, we'll have to cut down on the

luxuries, love.

Such as?

Your hair, for a start.

Oh, like hell.

You always like it looking nice, don't you?

Yeah.

Well, then?

I liked it better the way it was

before.

Makes you look too old.

Well, other people like it.

All right, then.

Have to cut down on her clothes.

Well, then I'll just have to go around

naked.

Here, imagine, Wedge, just like all those people

on the island.

Hundreds of little bodies running around naked.

Oh, come on.

Oh, stop it.

Oh, what's the matter with you?

Oh, tickle me.

Oh, tickle.

Pack it in.

I'm tired.

Please, Wedge.

No, I'm tired.

Please.

Oh, well, that's over.

I must say, I thought it was very

nicely done.

And ever such a nice gentleman, that one

in charge.

Oh, Mr. Lummis?

Yes.

Spoke ever so nicely to me when he

fetched us, didn't he, Dot?

Oh, yeah.

I bet you got yourself there, Reggie.

Looks very nice with that blonde hair.

I think it's disgusting looking like that at

a funeral.

I go all that, don't kid us.

Hey, Reggie, boy, pass us one of them

buns.

I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Have you thought what you're going to do

now, Mother?

What do you mean?

Well, you know perfectly well what I mean.

I mean about stopping here.

You can't live on your own now, Mother,

you know.

Dad wouldn't have wished it.

I'm stopping here.

Where else should I go?

Well, there's a very nice home for old

people down our way.

And we've all been thinking.

That makes a nice change.

Now, look, Mum, we can't come running over

here every five minutes when you're ill.

You've paid your stamps long enough, you're entitled

to be looked after.

I tell you what, I'm free Saturday.

I'll come down, we'll have a look at

it together, all right?

I shall be waiting to hear from you.

Yes, thanks for seeing us.

It'll be a long wait, won't it, Mooch?

Well, I ain't going there anyhow.

Oh, it's a smashing place, Mum.

It's just like home.

But it ain't home.

Well, don't come to us when you can't

manage on your pension then.

Don't say we haven't tried.

I can look after myself, thank you.

You won't always be able to.

I don't want to live with a lot

of old people.

I like to have young faces round me.

You're only thinking about yourself.

What are you going to do if you're

ill?

Now, look, don't you talk to her like

that.

Now, look, Gran, if the worst comes to

the worst, we'll come and live with you.

Oh, no, we won't.

Now, look, I'm not going to argue.

Don't have a row right in front of

the joiner.

They'll never, ever go away with that bloody

taxi.

I told you, Reggie, I'm not coming here.

It's a shabby little house and I wouldn't

fancy living in it.

Anyway, what's the matter with the old folks

home?

There's plenty of people there for company.

It's very nice.

She's dead right, you know, Mum.

Look at that lovely, cosy little place.

Look at this horrible dump.

There's no comparison.

I'll change your mind, Mum.

You're coming between the young people now.

Don't you call my home a dump, Arthur.

I've got my memories here and I'm stopping

here, see?

I'm not coming between nobody.

I never asked anyone to come and live

with me, did I, Reg?

All right, love.

Now, look, you two, let's get this straight,

shall we?

Eh?

Now, look, Gran can't stay here on her

own now, can she?

Will you listen to me for a minute

and stop fancying yourself?

Give me that bleeding coat!

Well, now, look what you've done!

Come here!

Now, listen to me, I'm going to tell

you for the last time.

Will you listen?

Now, look, we're not giving up very much

now, are we?

Except one lousy room.

We might as well be here with Gran.

Well, I'm not answering to her everything I

do.

If I go and live with anyone, it'll

be me own mum.

Your mum, that's a laughter, isn't it?

You're a pear, you are.

She couldn't wait to get rid of you.

I'll bloody kill you, Reggie!

I'm telling you!

No, I'm not arguing with you any more.

Come here!

Cow.

Now, go on, Reggie, go and have a

word with her.

Now, look, you don't push me.

I'm telling you.

I'm staying here, that's it.

Why don't you call this then?

Anyone would think I had me bathers on

out here.

It's pouring down.

Oh, shut up, I had a bit of

bother, didn't I?

Yeah?

I knew you'd be good to take a

bath.

You're joking.

How'd everything go, all right?

No, not too good.

Well, come on, get that bloody job on.

I'll have wet feet in a minute.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm getting old.

Hey, it's not a bad old place you

got here.

Yeah, we've got all the gear.

This is where you spend your days licking

the spares for the bike.

You're joking.

Here, I'll clean your spraining now.

Yeah, I could have used that, I'll tell

you.

Here, I could use a set of them

and all, keep the gears dry.

There he is.

Hey, man, why don't you get yourself the

black leather strides, you know?

I had some, didn't I?

Yeah?

Yeah, I got them mucked up last time

I hit the road.

Oh, cow.

I had a bike right on top of

me.

Yeah?

Why don't you get yourself another pair?

I can't afford it.

I've got to get new tyres for the

run.

I'd like a uniform, really, innit?

There you go.

Oh, they're nice, great though, innit?

Doing the time down the M1 with all

the gear on, eh?

Yeah, makes you feel real good, doesn't it?

Yeah, don't know how to scare them at

all.

Yeah, especially the old ears, eh?

Yeah.

Here, whatever happened to this tyre?

Yeah, I must have lost half a pound

of rubber on that road there.

Yeah, that wouldn't last long in a burn

-up.

I can get them cheap work, you know.

I don't need them cheap, mate.

I don't have a wife to support.

Give us a bag, will you?

Here.

You sure it's going to be all right?

Yeah, of course.

Hello?

Hello, Reg.

I've got my mate with me.

Can I come in?

That's all right, but he'll have to excuse

me.

Come in.

Gran, this is Pete.

Hello, Pete.

Hey, you're not his granny.

What are you talking about?

You couldn't be a granny.

You're too young.

Is that your picture up there, darling?

I bet you was a proper little darling

when you was a little darling.

What a car, isn't he, Reg?

Oh, thank you.

Now, look, Gran.

You know Doc's bound to get the needle

if I stop here for more than a

couple of nights.

Well, look, seeing as Pete ain't got a

roof over his head, I thought he could

have the room and be a bit of

company for you.

Would you pay me in thick?

Sure, I'll subsidise the old pension.

I'm a lovely tenant.

I make a great cup of tea and

I always wash me feet.

All right?

Yeah, do it proper, Gran.

That'll be nice, Pete.

Thanks very much.

So we're in business then.

All right, then.

Here you go.

Here.

And don't you do anything I wouldn't do.

Are you stopping tonight?

Stopping?

I haven't started yet.

What are you talking about?

He's all right, love.

He's always like that.

That's what becomes of being a sailor.

Good night, love.

Good night.

Good night, love.

Hey, it's a nice old gap, isn't it?

Yeah, do you like it?

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah, you're laughing here, Pete.

Do as you like.

As long as you don't wipe your feet

on the curtains.

Your Granny's a nice old lady, though, isn't

she?

Sitting down there all dressed up like a

wedding cake.

She's one of the greatest, this Gran.

Yeah.

I'm glad you like her, Pete.

She's had a rough time of it lately.

Yeah?

I don't know why Doc can't get on

with her, though.

Well, I'll tell you.

I'll bring me gear over tomorrow morning.

Great.

Hey, will your landlady make you pay the

whole week, then?

Well, that's her problem, isn't it?

I mean, she gave me the boot, didn't

she?

Yeah.

There you go.

Dear Charles Atlas, I've completed the course.

Now please send the muscles.

Well, you'll be all right for baby competitions,

won't you?

Hey, what, with a face like mine, I'll

win them all, I'll tell you.

Hey, I've got an idea.

It's Sunday tomorrow.

Why don't we take the bikes down the

coast, then?

Yeah, I wish I could.

I always go over to Doc's mum's on

a Sunday for dinner.

Well, you could miss it for a change,

couldn't you?

I'll tell you, you've got to keep them

at it.

You've got to play hard to get.

I'm in enough trouble as it is, aren't

I?

I mean, I'm still married to her.

I can't just do as I want.

Oh, I suppose.

I'm having a bit of trouble getting me

skin off.

You're like a lizard.

Yeah, it's a great old room, though, isn't

it?

Yeah, great old cherry.

It's dead quiet.

Yeah, I've lived in some rough places, I'll

tell you.

Yeah?

Yeah, I had a place outside Liverpool once.

It was so close to the railway line,

the inspector used to come the door at

midnight, collecting the tickets.

Yeah.

And I used to stick me socks out

the window.

The train would come belting past, they'd nick

me socks and sling me Irish mail in

through the other.

You should have seen some of those letters.

Dear Father Morphy, I've been a desperate good

girl.

Yeah, I got it.

That's what happens when you hang your socks

on the wrong line.

Yeah.

There was an old woman who lived in

a shoe.

She had so many children, she didn't know

what to do.

There was an old woman who lived in

a boot.

She had no children at all.

She knew what to do.

Shut up.

You're in that case, you know that.

Come on, let's get some cake.

Hey, Reggie.

What?

Dot's mum.

What does she cook for Sunday dinner?

Oh, the usual.

Lamb, boiled potatoes, greens, maybe butter pudding.

Oh, it's enough to turn your guts over.

Oh, she's all right.

She can't cook, though.

I'll be eating frankfurters and onions, plenty of

tomato ketchup, chips with lots of vinegar, a

few cockerels and mussels, jelly deals, Coca-Cola,

beer, the old jukebox, lollipops, all the lot.

Oh, shut up.

Look, if we want to go down the

coast, we've got to get some kip, haven't

we?

Yeah?

Yeah.

I tell you, it'd be good to miss

one of her dinners.

Well, it's all happening at the seaside, then?

Yeah.

You get what it looks like in the

old sea, don't you?

Well, if you've been two years in the

merchant service, you don't.

I only had one holiday when I was

a kid.

Here, Pete, look at these two birds here.

Come on, let's chat them up.

Come on.

That's not bad, is it, eh?

Yeah.

Those two blokes have been following us.

June, turn around.

Yeah, they're all right.

They're terrible.

We can do better than that.

Come on, let's cut out of here.

Listen to this.

I've got a happy month, babe, with romance.

All right.

Yeah, I'm going to pull those two birds.

Here.

I've run out of sixpence.

Have you got one, Brenda?

No, I used all mine on my last

go, I think.

Oh.

Well, maybe I've got one in the bottom

of my pocket.

I've only got pennies.

Hey, Pete, have you got a tenner on

you, mate?

Yeah.

That's a giggle, isn't it?

Come on.

Yeah, it's got your name on it, George.

Here, I'll have this one.

Oh, sorry.

It's like a load of old skittles to

me.

Howdy.

Do you come here often?

That's a bit old, isn't it?

Yeah.

It might be old, it's better than nothing,

isn't it?

You should be on the oars, you should.

Are you down here on holiday, then?

Yeah, yeah, we are.

Are you staying with your mum?

No, we're on our own, aren't we, Brenda?

Yeah, we're on our own.

Hey, Pete, these birds are on their own

here.

Oh, good.

Well, that's settling, isn't it?

You haven't got another tenner on you, have

you, Pete?

Yeah, that's right, I haven't got another tenner

on me.

He's a card, isn't he?

Yeah.

Well, let's have a cup of tea, then,

shall we?

Shall we?

Come on.

All right.

Come on.

Hey, Pete, we're going to have a cup

of tea.

From lucky old us.

Here, let's sit here.

Bloody right.

Right, what's it going to be then, girls?

Move over.

Nice fellow, isn't he?

No, no, no, come on, let the ladies

pay.

Don't you know your manners?

You've got no manners.

No, I haven't.

Er, bacon sandwich and a cup of slosh,

then.

Anything else?

Yeah, ten-tip wood vines.

You don't want much?

Come on.

You're a case, you are.

What do you want to do that for?

That's all right.

They've got the gold, don't knock it.

Come on, then, Pete, what are we going

to do?

Eh?

Come on, let's have a gig with these

two birds.

Here, my hair looks all right.

Yes, it looks lovely.

All that rain.

Oh, there you go.

They didn't have no fags.

Oh, didn't they?

Here you are, here's your tea.

And your sandwich is doing.

Doing what?

Cooking.

Oh, my luck.

Yeah, something happened to that pig, didn't it?

Come on, then, what are we going to

do, then?

What can you do?

Well, let's go down up here and buy

some dirty postcards.

Who are you going to send them to,

eh?

Send them to your grandmother, that's where you

send dirty postcards.

That's right, Perkinny.

Don't look at that.

Let's go down and see the sea.

What for?

That's what we come here for, see the

water, have a giggle.

We've only just bought the tea, ain't we?

Wait a minute.

You saw us, didn't you, eh?

We're not made of money.

Oh, what are you made of?

Oh, yes.

Come on, Pete, don't look at that.

Come on, let's go down to the beach.

They've got a cat in this place, I'll

tell you.

Shut up.

Come on, girls.

Oh!

Pete!

What do you think you're doing?

Hey, what's up with you?

Why were you running away?

Yeah, it's all happening, you know.

It's all the rain.

Yeah, it's all happening.

We're losing those two birds, aren't we?

They're a failure anyway.

Oh, I don't care.

What's the matter with you?

Look, the sun's shining, the fish are swimming,

the birds are flying.

You know, and it's all happening.

Yeah, yeah, big giggle.

Sitting here looking at the bleeding water and

the pebbles on the beach.

What's the matter with that, man?

You know, the world and his brother do

it at Blackpool every day.

That's the scene.

You're too much.

Oh, come on, Pete.

Look, they're looking for us.

I don't understand you, straight up.

You just got yourself unlumbered with talk, now

you want to get yourself lumbered again.

You're too much.

Look at that sun.

Send it down, Lord, and make me brown

like the Australians.

But don't burn me.

You'll have two blankets like all the rest.

Hello, Mum.

A little poem entitled, She was only a

butcher's daughter, but she hadn't a pound of

rum.

Oh, well, I must be leaving you now.

My wife's working outside.

She's a lady in a bubble car.

It was a Rolls-Royce when we started.

Reggie ain't with me today, Mum.

Oh, now, you've made me miss the joke.

Oh, you will open your mouth too soon,

won't you, darling?

Now a big welcome for the Boxer Girls

Choir.

You've designed it, you don't look like it.

All right, sit down, dinner's ready.

I'm on me own today, Mum.

Oh?

Where is Reggie, then?

With his gran?

I don't know.

Pity.

I'm not angry.

Since when?

You've had nothing but buns and chips all

week.

He's moved out.

He's living with his gran.

He's got another girl.

Has he got another girl?

I don't think so.

I'd know, wouldn't I?

What's wrong with you two?

Yeah, you have been giving in when he

wants, haven't you?

It's not him who wants.

He won't come near me.

Oh, then he's got another girl if he's

like that.

What have I done wrong?

That's what I want to know.

But he won't tell me.

It's because I won't go and live with

that old cow.

Why should I?

Oh, come on, doll.

Eat a bit.

Look, that's a lovely piece there.

I don't want anything.

I'm not hungry.

You're in a bad way, aren't you?

Now, put it in the oven.

We don't want any waste.

I'll give it to my lodger later on.

Do you want Reggie back?

Of course I do.

You'll have to because you can't stay here.

If you've lost him, you know, you'll have

to get a job.

I divvied up everything on your wedding.

It's the last you're getting out of me.

Mum, what am I going to do?

Oh, for goodness sake.

Cheer up.

That's marriage.

Everyone has their ups and downs.

It's a pity that you ain't having a

baby.

Come home then.

Yeah, I could tell him I was.

Then he'd have to come back, wouldn't he?

Oh, for goodness sake.

I have something to eat.

I can't stand eating alone.

You know, it's not very nice.

He'd know, though, wouldn't he?

Not unless you told him.

What's he going to say when I don't

have it?

You lost it.

That's all.

You just lost it.

He's at work all day, isn't he?

He doesn't know what's going on.

Tell him a doctor's been.

Then you lost it through worry.

You'll never know.

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I'll do that, Mum.

He can't move out just when he wants.

He married me.

That's right.

Glad you came to me, Doc.

That's what mums are for, you know.

To help.

Oh, boys.

We can't stop thinking about boys now.

Peep.

Peep.

Is that you, boys?

No, darling.

It's not the boys at all.

It's Roger the Lodger, your old mate, coming

to get you, you wicked woman.

There you go, darling.

Here, I know what we got you.

All the way from the seaside.

Don't eat it all at once.

You've been drinking.

Drinking?

Half a packet of wine gums and he's

a dead loss, darling.

You go on up to bed.

Give us a kiss till Friday.

There you go.

Hey, and listen.

Behave yourself in there.

You be good.

Here we are, out on the terrace, very

gay, can't you know?

Well, shift up into bed then.

Hey, that's flat.

Flat as a proverbial.

Come on, I'll be a teetotaler by the

time we've got this poured out.

What a time we've had today, eh?

Yeah, it was great, wasn't it?

Boy, she's clipped up, Pete.

You left me standing.

I tell you, I'd be glad to get

that bigger bite.

Hey, there's Dot inside with that fella.

Small world.

Come on, Pete, I want to have a

word with her.

What for?

Well, you know, I said I was only

going to be away a couple of nights.

I thought you was going to play it

cool.

I thought you was going to wait until

she'd come to you.

Oh, come on.

It's your life, I suppose.

Hello, Richie.

Hello.

Come on then, Dot, shall we go in

the pictures?

Let's go.

No, Brian, I don't feel like going to

the pictures.

What have you been doing?

Looking after Paul.

I wasn't talking to you.

Pardon me.

Here, I might be rich if you sort

this one out.

Yeah.

Where have you been?

I've been at Brian's, haven't I?

Why didn't you come round and see me?

Come on, Dot, let's go.

No, I don't feel like it.

When are you coming back?

Maybe he doesn't want to come back.

Come on, Dot, let's go.

Hold on a minute, will you, fella?

I asked you a question.

I don't know, Dot, I just...

Well, I'll tell you something, it better be

within the next nine months.

Oh, no, not that old gag.

What do you mean?

You can have a baby.

It ain't my baby.

Don't look at me like that, mate.

It's not mine.

Look, fella, what are you taking me for?

Look, you keep quiet.

What are you taking me for?

I'm telling you.

And I'm telling you.

Oh, Rick.

Oh!

I reckon you and me are finished, Dot.

And don't expect me home, because I won't

be coming.

Here you are, mate, brought you a nice

cup of tea, it'll cheer you up a

bit.

Hey, come on, mate, it's not the end

of the world, you know.

Here, I'll tell you one thing, there's more

people in this country get divorced than get

married, and that's a fact.

Hey, you know, Reggie, I like the way

you handle yourself tonight.

Don't let anyone mess you about, do you?

Hey, straight in with the old one, too?

Marvellous.

Waste of time, innit?

What's a waste of time?

All this fighting and having poach-ups.

I don't know, I'd sooner see a bloke

look after himself than sit around and let

it all happen.

Hey, did you clean your teeth tonight?

You need looking after, you do.

I'll tell you straight, I'll go and turn

on a nice hot bath for you, it'll

cheer you up a bit, all right?

I suppose it had to happen sometime, though.

What?

I suppose it had to happen sometime.

What?

Me and Doc.

Well, it was bound to happen, wasn't it?

Yeah, I've got an idea.

I've got a great old bit of bath

salts over here, this London water's very hard,

you know, and it'll do you much more

good.

What's going to happen between me and Doc,

Pete?

What's the matter, mate?

Do you want to tell us about it?

What's it all going to come to?

You know, all I want to be is

a normal married guy.

Everything I do goes wrong.

You know, I mean, I've tried everything, but

it just don't work.

Every time me and Doc get together, we

just end up having a row.

Yeah.

You know, we can't even sit down and

have a talk like this.

It just don't work.

Now, this baby, is it yours?

I don't see how it can be.

Well, there you are then.

Anyway, how do you know she's going to

have a baby in the first place?

Skinny little girl like that, you can see

it a mile off, I tell you.

She is my wife, Pete.

Suppose she is having my kid.

I mean, I'm responsible to her, aren't I?

Look, mate, every time you and Doc get

together, there's a load of bother.

They're wasting your time, I'll tell you.

I don't know.

I tell you, mate, don't you ever get

married?

Well, I'd know if I found the right

woman, I might.

Shut up, will you?

Bill!

Hey, you're only jealous because you can't sing.

God, she's great.

It's a party.

I'll show you.

Here we go then.

That's amazing, you know, right?

Blimey.

Have you run in yet?

Come in, Doc.

Hello, Gran.

Reggie's out.

Oh, I didn't come to see Reggie.

Oh.

Want a cup of tea?

No, thanks.

What is it?

Um, can I have a baby?

I know, Reg told me.

Whose baby is it?

Whose is it?

Oh, I like that.

It's Reggie's, of course.

Who do you think?

That's not what he said.

Well, he's a liar.

Now, look, it's no use talking to me

about it, Doc.

You'd better talk to Reg.

Talk to him?

That's a laugh.

You've seen us.

Every time we try and talk, we end

up having a punch-up.

He ought to come back.

Oh, too bad.

For the baby's sake.

Can't you tell him you ought?

You know as well as I do, Reg's

got a mind of his own.

Well, what am I supposed to do about

it?

Well, you could come here if there was

room.

Well, there's room for two upstairs, isn't there?

There's two upstairs already.

Two?

Who's he living with, then?

What, didn't you know?

I knew he had a girl.

I knew he kept meeting a girl.

No, he ain't a girl.

He's got his mate up there.

I don't believe you.

I'm going to see for myself.

Hey, you know, this Edinburgh business, it's not

so much a race as a sort of

endurance test.

And what we want to do, we want

to team up.

See, me with mine and you with this,

eh?

And then we go rock steady, right through,

and we don't stop for nothing.

When she's running, she'll do well over the

time.

Leave them standing.

Yeah, but they think we can't lose.

I tell you.

And when we win, we split the prize

money down the middle, 30 or 40 quid,

eh?

Then we get a train and all that

down to Dover, have a little dance and

it's out of France.

Don't take your coats off.

You're not stopping.

What are you doing?

Going over to Byford to run.

That's right.

Whose bike?

His.

Oh, it's me new one, isn't it?

Your bike?

How can you afford a new bike?

Well, you know, I traded the old one

in for the deposit.

Yeah, that's right.

Four pound a week for two years, and

it's his.

Four pound a week?

Well, where's the money for the baby?

What baby?

My baby.

Your baby?

Grimm's fairy stories.

Well, then talk to the kettler.

Don't expect the pot to answer.

Oh, let's start having a row, Doc.

You know, I mean, we've had all this

out, haven't we?

We haven't had it out.

That's why I'm here.

Look, love, what's so good about it, eh?

I mean, you know, why don't you talk

to your boyfriend about it?

Well, what's he got to do with it?

He wasn't there at the time.

No, that's right.

The baby was found on your doorstep, wrapped

up in a bit of old newspaper.

Oh, don't.

Oh, shut up!

Ah, get out.

You look like a bunch of dead roses.

Go on, get out.

Leave the men to men's business.

Men?

You look like a couple of queers.

Have a seat, then.

Hey, Reggie.

You know, I've just been thinking.

It's about time you and I cut out

of this place.

There's a boat going to New York in

a couple of weeks.

I'll have no trouble getting you a ticket

down to Union.

Would you like to go to New York?

It's great.

You know, they've got 13 channels of television

there, and the bars don't close till 4

o'clock in the morning.

What do you think?

You're a funny bloke, Pete.

Why?

One minute you say you've had enough of

going to sea and that, now you want

to go off to America.

We're having a good time here together, aren't

we?

Yeah, but every time we start enjoying ourselves,

Dot puts a spoke in.

It never bothered you before, did it?

It's not the same now, is it?

There's too much yakking going on.

Ah, don't take any notice of what Dot

said.

I'll tell you, she had me worried for

a minute, though.

Huh?

What about?

Ah, about what she said, you know, about

you and me.

What are you trying to say, Reggie?

Look, Pete, you've been a real good friend

to me.

Yeah, I know.

You really have.

I mean, you're the best friend I've ever

had.

It's ridiculous.

Honey?

Where are you going?

I'm going to get a refill for my

lipstick.

Don't be a nutcase.

I only asked, didn't I?

Hey, don't you be a nutcase.

The world is full of nutcases.

And you're the biggest nutcase of them all.

You're a bigger nutcase.

Hey, you happy to win on that thing,

mate?

Yeah.

You ain't got a chance.

Lovely weather, isn't it?

Yeah, we'll win the race.

We'll see you there.

We'll do a bit of teamwork.

Stand by your bikes.

We'll see him in Edinburgh, won't we, Pete?

I don't know.

We'll see him down there.

We'll have to put a bit of wind

up their kilts.

Two tees when we get there, Frank.

Come on, mate.

Hey, Pete.

That's Doc, isn't it?

Well, who do you think it is?

Mother of it?

Yeah, what's she done with her hair?

What do you think she's done?

She's had it changed, hasn't she?

Forget it.

Here it is.

There's your postcard.

I suppose you'll need one anyway.

You'll be the only one I'll make it.

Yeah, come off it.

Well, it must be about time we go

then.

Yeah.

I'll see you, man, OK?

All right, everybody.

Follow me over here.

Come on.

Make a line across here.

I've got something for you.

Is everyone ready then?

Yeah!

Right.

Right, I've got some postcards here.

Tom, Jim, come and help me give them

out.

You've got to post them at Edinburgh Castle.

That'll make sure you've got them.

Stamps on it, and I paid for them.

Oh, great.

You're generous, you know.

It's only Frank Sinatra, isn't it?

That lets the fiddles out.

Remember, it's up to Edinburgh and back, OK?

First one back here cops the kitty, all

right?

Eat a refuel as you go.

And watch out for the old law, won't

you?

Well done, man.

Race to the bike.

OK?

Good luck, all right?

Right.

Yeah!

God!

Oh, it's tense, isn't it?

I'm glad I've got me long winter comms

on.

Let's have some tea, eh?

Two teas, mate.

Hey, it was great going through that tunnel.

Wow!

Where'd you get to?

I wasn't even in gear then.

How's it running?

Marvellous.

She's settling down now.

How are you doing it?

Going like a bomb, isn't it?

I'll tell you, when it comes time to

open them up, we'll have them made.

Simple.

There, now, Jim.

Yeah, that lorry must have missed them after

all.

Pity.

What do you want?

Tea or coffee?

Tea, please.

Anything to eat?

No, thanks.

Two teas, please, Doc.

How are you?

Hello.

How's it going?

Oh, it's all right.

Cold up in here, isn't it?

Yeah.

I see you changed the old hair then.

I hardly knew you.

Yeah, you're a one, aren't you, eh?

You ought to watch yourself, you know.

Love on the old bike.

If you're having a...

There's no baby.

Hey, Reggie, come on.

It's getting late.

We're supposed to be winning this thing.

Give us your cup.

Here, catch up, will you?

Here we go, then.

Have you got the coffee?

You wouldn't have coffee.

He's a joker, isn't he?

Coffee?

Yeah.

Great, Reggie.

Hey, quick.

Quick, quick, quick.

Hey, fellas, pull it up.

You're in.

Got it.

Yeah.

Get him.

Come on.

Get him.

Reggie, come on.

Get out of me.

Whose side are you on?

They're killing me.

Get out of me.

Get out of me.

What's up, mate?

Your elastic band gone, has it?

Very funny.

Here, what's the matter?

I've got a partial seizure.

Yeah, you'd better get that seen to.

Now, how long do you reckon it'll take

me to fix it?

I don't know.

I hope you've got enough stamps on your

car because you'll be drawing the old age

pension by the time you get back to

the ace.

I ain't worth many of that, mate.

That's finished.

Who's asking you?

Oh, I'm telling you.

That's a waste of time.

Oh.

Hey, what are you going to do, love?

I don't know.

Oh, I suppose I'll wait here till it's

fixed.

What?

That'll take all night, that will.

Ah, you'd better come on her back with

me.

Come on, I won't hurt you.

What do you mean?

I can do it in 30 seconds with

me eyes closed.

Oh, don't joke.

Well, you're a right bird.

You're supposed to be with me.

Now, that's finished, mate.

You'd better get a new one.

What's the matter?

You know, I mean she's going to slow

you up.

Aye, won't.

I can take six people on that.

I thought we were supposed to be having

a race.

We are.

What's the matter with you?

Come on.

A couple of aspirins in the petrol and

you'll be away, mate.

All right?

See you then, fella.

Don't worry, mate.

I'll still be there before you.

Ah, you'll still be here.

What a bet.

Next year.

Oh, looks like we're moving.

Yeah, let's have our tea then, will you?

Yeah, we're supposed to be burning it up,

aren't we?

Yeah, well, you know, let Doug finish his

tea.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Reggie, look, we've got a good chance of

winning.

What's the matter with you?

I'll catch up easy.

I'll see you in a couple of minutes,

all right?

All right, see you down in the house.

Still a bit parky, isn't it?

Yeah.

Hey, I reckon we must be miles behind,

you know.

Look, I mean, I've got some time to

make up.

Suppose we ought to be going, eh?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Ah, let's stretch the old legs out, shall

we?

Cor, I'm stiff, aren't you?

Hey, I bet it's nice up here in

the summer.

Yeah, great.

Hey, I could do with an ice cream.

All right, what about this one, then?

Come on, I've got your ice.

Come here!

Here you are, then, don't you want it?

Hey, I'll grab hold of that, then.

Whoa!

Excuse a minute.

No, no, it's all mine.

Oh, it's a right old laugh up here,

isn't it?

It's a bit cold.

Wouldn't like to live here.

Hey, I say, let's do a scrambles down

here and up the other side, eh?

Oh, no thanks.

Yeah, you've got a dirty nose.

Oh, take a look at your own.

Yeah, I like your hair like that, you

know.

What do you have it changed for?

Well, you said you liked it like this.

Yeah, I do.

Well, that's why I changed it.

What, for me?

Well, who else?

Get it out of me.

You're a naughty girl, though, aren't you, eh?

Why?

Pretending you's having a kid.

What do you say that for?

Well, I thought that...

Oh, you know.

I'll tell you, you had me worried for

a bit.

Beginning to get grey hair.

Hey, imagine me with a great big grey

little beard.

We're a right old pair, aren't we, eh?

What?

You know something?

What?

We ain't got a chance of winning that

race.

Oh, no.

I'll tell you what, though.

What?

I couldn't give a damn.

Hey!

All right, Fred, you won't charge me a

call this then, eh?

I wouldn't expect any of you from here.

Who won this?

God, he been mild.

Hey, how'd you get on it?

Oh, I didn't have the chance for an

ice cream in purgatory, did I?

Here, come on, Noddy's got his money.

We're going down to Boozer to get some

scotch down his throat, eh?

Come on, it's opening time.

Don't hang about.

You know, all the fellas are going down

there, touching the teamwork.

It's a great old teamwork, isn't it, getting

scotch down your neck, eh?

It can't do you any harm, can it?

Hey, now, don't look back.

She'll turn into a pillar of salt, I'll

tell you.

Hey, come on.

It's a bit more right spending Noddy's money,

isn't it?

What a lousy time to close a pub.

Are you still on about it?

Look, man, if we were in New York

now, we'd be drinking till four o'clock

in the morning.

We ain't in New York.

You've had enough.

Come on.

All right, Reggie.

We ought to get a boat to America,

the two of us, eh?

I'll tell you what.

A boy's a canoe.

We go there tomorrow.

You know, that was dead funny, that was.

Well, you went into that skid at that

roundabout, nearly knocked Dot off the pillion, straight

into a brick wall.

Very charming, isn't it?

You're our friend, aren't you?

Oh, my legs.

Your what legs?

Where's my bunk?

Straight through the bulwarks, first right by the

boatswain's office to the sharp end.

You're in the right old state, aren't you?

Hey, Reggie.

Yeah?

If we'd stuck together, we could have won

dead easy, you know that?

Oh, don't worry about it.

We had a great time, didn't we?

We should have won.

We should have stuck together.

Get a boat to America.

There'll be plenty of more times for burn

-ups.

Oh, it's been a great weekend, Pete.

Cos that's the first time in ages that

me and Dot have been able to sit

down and have a talk without having a

row.

What do you think of that, Pete?

Pete?

Come on, mate.

You're a fine fellow, aren't you?

Eh?

Oh, man.

Hi, Pete.

Hi.

How do you feel?

Great.

You look pretty rough.

I feel great.

What are you doing?

Oh, packing me case.

I can see that.

Going someplace?

I was going to see how Dot's getting

on.

What did you think of that?

Last night.

I've been sitting up all night thinking about

it.

Oh, you know, Dot and me on a

trip, and now I thought maybe we had

something, maybe we'd get together again.

So I thought maybe I should go home.

Home?

What do you call this place?

Well, it ain't home, is it?

I mean, you know, it's only temporary.

What about me?

What do you mean?

Well, I haven't got any home.

I haven't got any old mother to go

running to.

I ain't going home to my mum, Pete.

I'm going home to the wife.

Wife?

She's me wife, that's right.

You know, that's what you get married for,

isn't it?

To be together.

We've been happy enough together, haven't we?

Yeah, sure we have, Pete.

Had a good time on the bikes and

that?

I know, Pete, but...

A bit burned up and all that?

Yeah, sure, I know, but...

You can talk to me.

You said yourself you couldn't talk to Dot,

and you could talk to me.

I know, Pete.

I never give her any argument or nothing.

You've been a great friend to me, Pete.

Haven't I been?

Don't I look after you well enough?

Oh, sure you do.

Bringing cups of tea in hand.

Always have a good time and I always

listen to your troubles.

You've been a great friend to me, Pete.

Well, I don't understand you, Reggie, you know.

I don't give it a try.

I don't understand you.

I mean, I don't see what you want

to go back to Dot for.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Pete, I need a woman, don't I?

You have to raise up your eyes.

Dot, do you want one of these with

me and you on it?

I've got one.

Oh, look, Pete.

I'll see you down at the cafe.

Yeah.

Dot?

Oh, hello, Reggie.

Ah.

What do you want?

Well, come home.

I hope you didn't ask me, did you?

Oh, well, it's in a bit of a

mess at the moment.

That's all right.

Here, I'll tell you what.

You give us your case and you come

back after work, eh?

That's all right.

Don't worry about work.

Come on, love.

Ask me in.

Nice cup of tea, eh?

Oh, well, I've run out of milk.

I'll have it without milk, then.

Come on, darling.

What don't you want me of?

Yeah, of course.

But I want to make it nice for

you.

You know, how you like it.

That's all right, love.

You come back later, please, Reg.

Come on.

Oh, please.

Shut the door, mate.

It's drafty.

What's all this?

I told you to come back later.

Then it would have all been settled.

Now, look here, fella.

Now, just a minute.

Calm down, the pair of you.

Let's be friends about this.

Make some tea, darling.

Now, you hold on a minute.

Now, you hold on a minute.

You just can't walk out on her and

walk back when you feel like it.

Now, look, fella, I'm telling you.

If you won't bother, remember the last time?

Now, just shut up.

So, this is what I sit up all

night for, is it?

Now, come back to this.

Well, I'm not a mind reader.

You should have said you was coming back

last night.

You mean to say you couldn't wait for

me one night?

One night?

I've been waiting for weeks.

Over the last couple of days, I thought

we had something, me and you, Dot.

We did, Richard.

Yet you couldn't wait for me one stinking

night?

One night?

Don't keep saying one night.

How was I to know?

You should have known.

Well, I never see you from one week

to the next.

Well, what do you want me to do,

send you a telegram or something?

It might have been something.

I never see you come through that door.

You're supposed to be my husband.

And you're supposed to be my wife.

But you know what you are?

What?

Well, go on.

Say it.

Well, say it!

Well, if this is what you want, fella,

you can have it, all of it.

But I'm warning you, you'd better be good

at housework because, boy, you're going to be

busy.

And you can get out of here, too!

Howdy.

What are we doing, cooking spuds?

Well, we can't all become any directors, can

we?

No.

What, you the foreman of this dump, then?

Hey, who's calling my dump a dump?

Oh, it's tight as air, isn't it?

What's up, mate?

Oh, I just had a barney with Dot.

What, again?

Yeah.

I'm in a right old pickle, aren't I?

Oh, I went home and she had that

bloke with her.

I'm very sorry to hear about that, mate.

Yeah.

I'm in a state, aren't I?

Look.

I've been thinking, Pete, what you said about

going to America and that.

Well, I thought maybe if you were still

going, why don't you take me with you?

Oh, sure I will.

I was thinking of going down there in

a couple of weeks to see what was

happening anyway.

Look, Pete, could we go right away, you

know, today?

Well, of course we can, mate.

But, I mean, I don't guarantee we'll get

a boat to New York.

Might have to be Singapore or Japan or

Australia or something.

Yeah, I don't care, you know, I just

want to get away from it all.

All right, son, I'll look after it.

Hey, Paddy.

Yeah?

Keep an eye on the dump for me,

will you?

I'm going down to front office to get

me cards.

I'll see you in about ten years.

OK, Pete.

All right?

So long, sir.

I never did like hard work anyway.

Here, listen.

You come down to front office with me.

I'll go over to Grant's and you go

to your mum's.

Well, that's that then, Pete.

I'm sorry I'm going to miss the old

bike, though.

Well, don't worry, mate.

We'll have plenty of gold to spend in

New York, won't we?

Hey, look, you go over there and get

yourself a beer.

I'll go down to Federation and fix that

with a boat.

All right?

See you.

Take my regards.

Dickie!

All right, all right.

Oh, I'll see you.

About ten minutes.

Yeah, good.

Anyway, if it's, uh...

Well, so long, mate.

Would you like a drink, sir?

Yeah, cheers.

I'll have a brown ale.

He said he'd have a brown ale.

It's a quarter.

We haven't got any money.

I'll have a double scotch, please, sir.

I'm absolutely mad about this jacket, dear.

Yes.

Dodgy, yes.

Very dodgy indeed.

Yeah, it's the motorbike jacket.

Well, you ride a motorbike, too, is there?

Yeah, I did.

I just sold it.

We haven't seen you around here before?

No, it's my first trip.

Going to sea?

Yeah, I'm going to America with me mate.

There's no boat for me going to America,

look.

Oh, well, we'll go to China or Japan

or somewhere.

That's the only boat that's going, and that's

ours.

She's bound for Cardiff.

And we've got a full cloud, too, haven't

we?

We can always squeeze another one in, dear.

I talked to Big Mary about you.

She'd stick her knife in you as fast

as she'd look at you.

Except you've got hazel eyes.

He has?

Hazel eyes he has, dear.

Well, look who's here, then.

It's Pete.

Hello, love.

Come on in, have a drink, dear.

Look at this for drag.

Come on, Pete.

What are you having a drink for?

I'll have a gin.

A gin, I see.

This is your friend, then, eh?

I got us fixed up over there, like

I promised.

That's going to Cardiff, isn't it, Pete?

Oh, mate, you wanted a boat right away,

didn't you?

I mean, we can't all be captains, can

we?

Of course not.

Oh, that's our boat.

We'll be all together there.

We'll have a ball.

We'll have to make it a possum, then,

won't we?

Yes, it'll be like Sue's, won't it?

About 15 days at the Red Sea.

Remember that, dear?

Oh, remember that?

We'll have a ball, dear.

See you on board, love.

See you on board.

Hey, what's all this about, then?

THE END