Original subtitles

Havana. Hurricane Dora has now reached Cuba and is causing damage all

over the country. In the capital, Havana, more than 200 buildings have

been destroyed by the storm, according to latest reports.

It is feared that the hurricane, which is moving rapidly westward, will reach

the east of Florida before tonight.

Emergency measures to save the citrus fruit harvest are being put into effect.

Just a brief reminder now about our contest for female viewers.

We are asking you to vote for the announcer who in your opinion has the

most seductive voice.

Just write the name of your choice on a postcard and send it to us.

All of our female viewers are eligible and we look forward to finding out which

of us you consider the most eligible.

And remember, there's a wonderful prize to be won. Your entry could win you a

dream holiday in Hawaii.

Is there anyone inside?

Hello?

You will also have, entirely to yourself, a luxury yacht and the

announcer of your choice.

And now some news flashes.

Rome. The new Italian government has resigned after a record two weeks in

power. Sydney, Australia.

A contraceptive for rabbits is being tested in some areas in order to

combat...

Good afternoon.

Ah, at last.

How much do you want?

Fill her up, please.

Right away.

You seem to handle that pump very well.

Huh? Practice makes perfect.

Would you like some refreshments at the bar?

By all means.

Come on.

It does you good to relax from time to time. Come on, then.

I'd like to take the weight off my feet myself.

The OPEC countries have lowered the price of petroleum almost 5%. This is

almost certainly a result of the drop in petroleum sales caused by a gradual

reduction in demands from Western Europe.

In fact, there has been considerable progress in the development of

alternative energy sources in recent months. And this is thought to be a

major factor in reducing the demand for petroleum generally.

But perhaps the most significant reason has been the undoubted success of the

European campaign to save energy, which has produced real economies in

comparison with figures for previous years.

The popular response to appeals to save energy has been gratified, to say the

least.

In the United States, there are serious problems in the car industry.

The importing... I'm sorry. The importance of foreign bodies... I'm

sorry, I'll read that again. The introduction of foreign bodies into a

tight domestic market is heating up the... I'm sorry.

Mr. Anderson, what's the matter?

Just look at that.

Words fail me. What is it?

You can see for yourself.

Oh, how could they? And during the news. How am I supposed to concentrate?

How can you talk about markets, about open markets, while all that's going on?

Yes, I think I see what you mean.

It's driving me mad. It's having the same effect on me. Oh, really?

Absolutely.

That's it.

He's got the right idea.

Hans, it'll soon be time for your meeting. Oh, yes, right away.

We must speak about those Swedish girls.

I must go to the meeting. It'll have to wait.

I'd like to get this over with before you go there.

All right, then. What's on your mind?

You must really do something, or the problem will get out of hand. The way

they're going on is an absolute scandal.

And it's not only in our town that people are talking.

People are coming from all over to sample the service.

The moral reputation of our village is suffering.

Take some kind of action.

You could surely do something or other to prevent it. After all, you're the

mayor. You're responsible.

You're quite right. I'll bring the matter up for discussion at the meeting.

I will ask my colleagues to examine ways of resolving this matter. You'll see.

I'd be surprised if some of our members know what's going on.

They seem to think that no one around here could possibly do anything wrong.

Well, you must tell them quite clearly what's going on. You mustn't fret about

it any longer, my dear.

I'm sure they'll see reason. And now, give me a kiss.

I'll be back after the meeting.

I'll be waiting for you, my little dumpling.

All clear? Yeah, I checked.

We must be quick.

Don't worry.

What's taking so long?

Give me a chance.

All set?

Come on, then.

How's that feel?

This will help pass the time. I can think of better things to do to

entertain myself.

Yeah, so can I.

I'm sorry I'm late, gentlemen. I had something important to attend to.

There's still one more to come. Bergman, as usual.

How come there's always somebody missing?

Why can we never get started on time? He's probably stuck somewhere.

Something probably came up. Maybe he'll be coming soon.

I wonder what he'll find to say for himself.

We'll soon see.

Hello, sorry I'm late.

I had to make a special rush delivery.

Interesting new client.

I come as soon as I could, Mayor.

I think we can declare the meeting open. We have an important matter to discuss.

It's about the six young Swedish girls at the filling station and a very

serious threat to morality in our town.

I've just found out what goes on down there. Men are coming from all over to

be serviced by these girls.

I've heard rumors. That's nothing new.

It's a national disgrace.

We don't want to be prudish, but we have to take steps to protect the reputation

of our town. It's our duty to our constituents. We must do something to

get rid of these girls.

Yes. The sooner the better.

What can I do for you, sir? I need some gas.

Extra, please. Certainly, sir.

Fill her up.

All right.

Have you come far?

Quite far.

Would you like to stay for a few minutes and relax?

Well, I... It'll do you good.

Sounds like a good idea.

It's all part of the service.

We want to make sure that our clients enjoy their visit.

I'm trying to build up our clientele.

This way, please.

Lead on.

What about coming upstairs with me, big boy?

Is that a proposition?

Come along, then.

What did you have in mind?

Just watch me.

Thank you.

And now, for all lady viewers who are watching at home, we are pleased to

present a surprise program.

We are sure you will enjoy this highly original contribution.

We will certainly do our best to make it memorable for you.

We won't need many props for this.

All we need is your collaboration, ladies.

Our master of ceremonies is Tom Anderson.

Good day, ladies.

I'd like to welcome you to our special program today, and I'll need your

assistance. Kirsten?

Me? Yes, you.

And what's more, I've got a nice surprise for you. Oh, really?

Come closer to the TV set.

This is ridiculous. What do you have in mind? Don't be shy.

What do you want me to do?

Come over here. I've got a big surprise for you. Come on.

Over there?

Yes, that's it.

And then what?

Just do exactly what I tell you, that's all.

Would you just step over there, huh?

Like this. That's it. What now?

In front of the screen?

No, to the side. Here you mean.

Yes. And now come closer.

Closer. Touching the set? Yes.

Press your breasts right up against it. Like this? A little more.

Better? Much better.

And now for the big surprise.

I'm ready.

How's that?

That's nice.

This is unbelievable.

What you call a technical advance.

Your technique is certainly very advanced.

Kirsten. Yes?

And now for the bottom half.

The bottom half? You know what I mean.

Down there, too? Yes, lift up your skirt.

Ah, yes.

I get it.

Oh, yes, you will.

Come in a little closer.

Just let yourself go.

That's good.

But couldn't you come in a little bit more?

Yes, the tighter the better.

I can't get nearer than this. Oh,

wonderful.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, keep it up.

Oh, this is amazing.

Who would believe it?

Is that deep enough for you?

Oh, yes.

I think that's enough.

Why?

I'd like to try something else now. What?

I'd like you to sit up on the set.

Up here, you mean?

Yes, and keep your legs well apart.

Sit right in the middle, a little further.

You're a bit far.

Let's see what I can find. Good.

I should be able to reach from here.

There we are. Come on, then.

And now we're really getting down to business.

Ready? Oh, yes.

Is that deep enough for you now?

Better and better.

Wait a second. I've got a better idea. I'll climb up on the table.

Hurry. Let's see now.

There we are.

That's better.

Now we can really get on to it.

Hey, I've got another idea Was

that deep enough for you this time Oh, I was getting there. Just wait there.

Don't move.

Oh, what are you doing?

You'll see. Oh.

And now for that big surprise we promised you.

I'm waiting.

Once more into the breach, dear friends.

At first I see.

That's nice.

Oh, it's enormous.

Oh, boy.

It's big.

Oh, my God.

It feels good.

And there you are, ladies.

watching or rather you have just experienced our surprise program for

lady viewers we hope you found the experience pleasurable and that you are

already looking forward to the next treat the name of our master of

ceremonies next time will be given in our program listing aren't you curious

to know who it is

Sorry to interrupt your work, Harry dear.

We'll have to hurry.

Not another meeting.

It's no laughing matter.

I've been thinking about this question of the six Swedish girls at the service

station. I think we ought to look further into this.

Good morning, gentlemen. I see I'm the last. Not quite. Harry ain't here. Oh,

no.

Fiddling with some... But he's sure to come.

He's just one thing on top of another.

We'll give him another five minutes.

I wonder what the story is this time. Last time he was oiling a piston.

Another time it was a big end.

Ah, at last.

Hello. Sorry I'm late, but I had to do a quick job on an old banger.

I see.

Sorry.

All right, gentlemen.

I think we can now declare the meeting open.

We must make a decision today on the matter of these six Swedish girls at the

service station.

So that you are aware of all the relevant factors, let me explain the

case in detail. Since these girls have legally inherited the land and the

buildings on it, we cannot in law threaten them with eviction.

So I propose that we hire a lawyer who can help us find a way past that

obstacle. Good idea.

As town councillors, people expect us to do something. Quite right. It's the only

solution. I'm just saying so to Bruno.

We have to do something about it right now. So we're all agreed then? Yes,

those girls have to go, yes.

do for you? I need some fuel.

Sure. How much do you want?

A full tank, please.

The fuller the better, huh?

There, I put it in. What?

The pump, silly.

Oh, I see. Anything else, sir? What do you have to offer? Come in and see.

Just try and stop me.

Are you hungry?

Yes, but not for food.

Perfect.

I've won yet again. You must be lucky in love.

Not a chance.

I've bad luck in everything.

Oh, don't say that.

Why not? It's true.

There, you see?

I can do something about that.

Don't think so.

You soon will if you come with me.

Oh, yeah?

Let's go, huh?

Oh, look at that.

Come on.

Well, what else have I got to lose?

What did I do to deserve this? Unlucky at cards.

Looks like my luck's changed.

You complaining?

Oh, no. Not at all.

Let's get comfortable.

Yes, that's the way.

Yeah.

You're incorrigible.

Oh, I could use a vibrator. Maybe you'll get one for Christmas.

I wonder what else she's going to get for Christmas.

Here he comes. My Christmas drink. Here comes your present.

Look at that.

What took you so long?

Oh, now she's for it. What do you think you're doing?

You can't behave like that or I'll have to punish you. If you're not careful,

you won't get your Christmas present.

I have to do something.

Well, that's understandable, but I've got something much better for you.

About time, too. I was getting bored.

Here we go.

What on earth is that?

Try it first and then tell me. A penis and a lover. Interesting.

You've never had anything like this.

I like the look of the pose. We'll find out.

Like this, you mean?

Yeah, that's the way.

Place yourself so that it goes facing your clitoris. Sounds promising.

So that's how a thing would come in handy here.

It's dangerous to me.

Keep moving the lever in the room that suits you. Just look at that.

Personally, I prefer the real thing. Oh, it looks very efficient.

I'd love to try it. No, you're joking. Not at all.

You really are mad.

Oh, my goodness.

Doing it awful.

Something to nibble on.

Here. No, the other kind.

Choosy, aren't we? She's got nice tits. Are you turning queer? You can always

look at her.

She certainly seems to be having a good time. I wouldn't mind trying it myself.

Neither would I.

Ah, with a contraption like that in the house, oh, just think, we wouldn't need

nips.

You see, I knew you would appreciate my little surprise.

Oh, yes, I do. Indeed, I do.

She's enjoying it. Imagine feeling this big beard. Oh, boy, look at that.

Oh, the dirty old man.

It isn't really.

Oh, did you hear?

Maybe you can get Kirsten to make one for you. Why not?

Hey, what's so funny? I'm sure I can make one.

I think it's exactly what we need.

By the look of that girl, she's enjoying it all.

What does it do for you? Well, it certainly does something for Santa

Claus. He's begging for it.

Yeah, it is.

You'd never be lonely with a machine like that.

Our problems are over.

Who needs men, anyway?

Well said, and bravo. I'll make us something even nicer.

Good. It's a bargain. It's nothing.

This way, girls.

There you are, all finished. What do you think of it?

What's it supposed to be?

It's an exercise bicycle, but with a difference. There's a special built-in

deep massage feature.

Well, we're all waiting.

Well, you'll see.

How about that?

It's a masterpiece.

Of course.

What else did you expect?

My mouth's watering already.

What do you mean, your mouth?

It's just the right size.

Can you make it go faster?

Uh-huh.

Sure.

And a nice shape, too.

It's at least as good as the one on TV.

Oh, wow.

Hey, doesn't it remind you of somebody?

Yes, but I can't quite place it.

It can go even faster.

When do we get to use it?

Look at that girl.

Fantastic.

It can go faster.

Ugh.

She liked it. Just what I needed.

Come on, girls.

Exercise time.

Everybody strip off.

Come on, it'll do you good.

One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two.

Okay, let's have a warm-up first.

Okay, let's get going.

Oh, we'll think of something to warm you up.

Look at that!

Oh no, it's scandalous.

Really scandalous.

Hello there.

How about that?

Hi, what can I do for you?

Well, some fuel for starters.

How much do you want?

As much as you can give me.

First, we stick it in the hole.

Now, would you like something while you're waiting?

Such as?

You know.

I knew there was something special about this place when I saw how you handled

that song.

Kirsten? Have you got a light?

Sure.

Yes, dear. Got another meeting, have you?

I thought you promised to get rid of those awful Swedish girls, so how come

they're still here?

Now, now, my dear, calm down. We'll handle it. Well, I hope so. See you

later, dear.

Ha!

I'll bet our friend the butcher will come in with the usual old excuse.

I know it better than he does. It'll be another rush order for his speciality

sausage. Don't flatter him. It's not that big.

How do you know?

Morning, gentlemen.

Good morning. Morning. Where's the butcher?

Don't tell me it's his turn to be laid today.

Exactly. It's always the same. Probably stuffing his old sausage somewhere.

We'll give him five minutes and not a second more.

Yeah, right.

Oogoo's here.

We'll have to get a move on. There's not much time. The council meeting will be

starting any moment now.

Save the speeches for the meeting. Quite right.

be here shortly telling us how he had to give some cow an injection to enrich her

milk. Hello there.

There he is. Hi.

I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to supervise a meeting. A prize sow and a

pedigree boar.

You see? We see.

Now we can get on with the meeting.

Well, once again, we must address ourselves to this problem of these

Swedish girls and their scandalous behavior in our town. Something must be

done. Some prominent citizens have been complaining about them.

Ugly rumors have been circulating about these girls and the unseemly goings-on

in their so-called service station. I think we have to look into this more

closely, get evidence of their misbehavior, and then confront them with

the hard facts.

You all agree with me?

Yes, indeed. Yes, I agree.

Do you

want something to drink? Do you want the same?

Thanks. Thank you.

Cheers.

Excuse me a second. Can I ask you something?

Sure, go ahead. That looks pretty appetizing. Sure does.

Especially if you like things. I do.

Are you planning to go far today?

Yes.

You could always rest up for a while with me.

How dare you?

Bitch, it's your own fault. You haven't got the touch.

I'll show you how it's done.

Go on, then.

But watch carefully.

Ready?

You must have the face for it.

Tough luck. I'm back again.

You must learn to hardly. You can say that again.

Don't worry, there's no danger in that.

Some men are born lady killers and some just don't have it. I'll stick to the

drink. Have another. Yes, I intend to.

I'm beginning to think I'll never have any luck with the ladies.

We can't all be irresistible.

Like him, for example.

Come on.

You know what that means?

No. He'll be all right. You bet. Some people have all the luck.

Do you like him?

Delightful, isn't he?

Get undressed.

Thank you.

Maybe he got stuck in a traffic jam or something.

Yeah, or something.

Life's full of surprises. Somebody's late.

Good day, gentlemen. He must be giving private lessons.

It's a pity people don't take these meetings a bit more seriously.

Come on.

For a man in a hurry, you're very slow.

I like to take risks, it turns me on

What's he up to?

Look, I'm sorry I'm late, but I was tied up with a mother at school. How did he

get up?

That's enough.

The meeting has been delayed long enough.

I have something important to tell you.

Have a look up there on the ceiling.

Examine it carefully.

Over the last few years, a number of faults have appeared, and town planning

have just informed me that if we're not careful, the whole lot will fall in our

heads. They suggest we get repairs done, and the sooner the better.

What's more, they think it's dangerous for the band to continue their practice

sessions because of the vibrations.

But in that case, where is the band supposed to practice?

We can't have the fete without music.

A big hall is what we really need. And unfortunately, the only place big enough

belongs to the Swedes.

Yes, I'm afraid it is. It's probably the best place there is in town.

It looks like we have no choice.

We'll have to ask those Swedish girls if we can use their place. If we don't,

then we can figure out the music of the fete.

We must make a move.

Yeah, but what do you propose?

Any ideas, Mayor?

At all costs, we must get those girls to agree to let us have the rehearsal

space. There just isn't any alternative, gentlemen.

Perhaps we could turn a blind eye to their activities.

What do you mean, perhaps?

We can't ask them to do us a favor and then kick them out.

Right. I agree with you entirely. We can always ask them to stay in their rooms

while the band is practicing.

There should be no problem.

Yes, of course. Sure. I suppose so.

Yeah.

Agreed. As to the matter of their eviction, we'll let that rest for now.

Oh, I think so. Okay. Yes. It'll all blow over in time. Of course it will.

Sure.

Well, it's been a long time since I was last here.

Let's see now. It's all been changed.

We have to clear away these tables. Certainly.

Fair space.

We need much more room. Well, start with this, huh?

Come on, you two. Push this table to one side.

Somebody give me a hand with this? Come on, hurry up.

With a bit of luck, we might get some practice in today.

We'll do our best.

Move all the chairs back as well. Right away, boss.

I don't believe this. How many times do I have to tell you to look after your

instruments? And who dropped this mouthpiece?

Oh, sorry, sir. I think it's mine.

Well, be a bit more careful in the future.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

Right, you lot.

I want you to take your places now. And as soon as you're settled, perhaps we

can get started.

Get this table out of the way. It's blocking your trombone. Right away, sir.

Right. At last we can get started.

Now, gentlemen, why don't we start with the overture?

Are you sure you're quite ready at the back?

Oh, I'm always ready at the back. In that case, let's get on with the

overture.

Ready.

oh

Either we play in tune or we don't play at all. Can I make myself clear?

Right. Oh, you poor thing. What a noise.

Excuse me, sir.

I simply must.

Who is it?

A musician?

What do you play?

Ah.

Oh, well.

This won't take long, you'll see.

Some music.

Hello there. Are you a musician?

Yes, I came to apologize for the noise. It's terrible.

Oh, don't worry about me.

Just say sorry to my poodle here. Certainly.

I'm sorry, little dog. He's upset. What can I do to calm him? Give him a cuddle.

Sure.

Cuddle me now.

Come here.

Delighted. I'll just get comfortable first.

I can't get it off.

I'll be right back.

I never heard such a row.

What is it? Can I come in for a second?

Sure. Come on in.

I just wanted to get to know you.

Get to know me?

That's nice. I take that as a compliment. The others are waiting for

me. Let them wait.

Why not?

Well?

You're so strong.

Excuse me. Oh, not again. Another week. Sorry.

I insist that you learn that part for tomorrow morning. Talk about E-flat.

As for you three, you don't seem to know what tune we're playing. This is not a

go-as-you-please session.

We have a score to follow.

Concentrate.

Oh my god, they're at it again.

This is terrible.

You'd think it was in this room.

It's unbearable.

Oh, and how?

All over?

Oh, no, just here and there.

I know where you mean exactly.

Oh, yes?

Prove it.

Then let's see what you're capable of. Just you wait. You'll see.

You're getting warmer.

Eh? Yes, that's it.

Excuse me a second. I've never seen anything like it.

You should have thought of that before the rehearsal.

Who's there?

Hello.

Can I come in? I'm the mayor. Am I disturbing you?

No.

You don't mind my bursting in like this, do you? Am I disturbing your toilet?

It's all right. I'm finished.

Oh, good. Do you mind if I sit down? Oh, no, not at all.

I'm pleased you came to visit.

And I'm pleased to be here.

Nice day, isn't it?

Yes, beautiful.

What do you think of our music?

It's good.

You really think so? That's kind of you. We needed the practice.

What kind of practice?

Oh, our music, you know. We were getting a little rusty.

Oh, we can do without the room occasionally.

We're delighted to be of service.

Service, hmm?

Oh, yes.

I wonder if...

Yes, well, I've been thinking.

It would be rather nice if you and your delightful colleagues could be of

assistance to our orchestra.

They must get a little relaxation from time to time. Oh, of course.

Even I must relax occasionally. You can't always be thinking of your

instrument. Oh, that's understandable. You see?

I must get back to the

rehearsal. Oh, indeed.

Judy calls, you know. The town fed us in two weeks.

And, uh, yes, it is hot, isn't it? I would like to undress, too.

Yeah.

I have to play downstairs.

That is to say, while I should go back, but perhaps in the circumstances, that

would be impolite.

Don't you think so? I wouldn't want to offend you.

I can't just go.

We're just getting acquainted.

Are we not?

It's very cozy here. Yes, isn't it?

Why not give your instrument a rest for a while?

It would do you both the world of good.

Oh, that's an idea. However, I should add that I am very good with my

instrument, honestly.

My.

I'd be delighted to see a demonstration, if you could arrange it.

Oh, I think so.

A private... concerto you mean a little duet perhaps

right now

And that's how the band acquired its reputation as the most harmonious in the

area, thanks to the personal supervision of our friends the Swedish girls at

their highly individual service station.