Original subtitles

** [ Rock ]

[ Man ] THE SUBURBANS. WELCOME TO AMERICAN BANDSTAND.

I MEAN, HERE YOU ARE, BARELY OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL,

TOURING THE COUNTRY WITH A NUMBER ONE HIT RECORD.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ? UH, WELL, IT'S A LOT OF FUN, BUT IT GETS, UH--

IT FEELS EXCELLENT, DICK.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE CASH.

I LIKE THOSE NEAT, LITTLE MEALS THEY SERVE YOU ON THE PLANE.

[ Cheering ]

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS NEW MUSIC TELEVISION CHANNEL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ?

A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THIS COULD CHANGE MUSIC FOREVER. MUSIC TELEVISION. YEAH.

I'VE HEARD OF THAT, BUT I'M NOT SURE I GET IT.

THEY'VE GOT THESE LITTLE FILMS THEY PLAY ALONG WITH THE SONGS,

SO YOU CAN WATCH AS WELL AS LISTEN.

I'M NOT SURE PEOPLE WANT YOU TO TELL 'EM WHAT TO PICTURE WHEN THEY LISTEN TO THE SONGS.

I MEAN, I JUST DON'T SEE THAT TAKING OFF AT ALL, DICK.

IT SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THE NAZIS WOULD'VE COME UP WITH...

IF THEY'D GOTTEN INTO POP MUSIC.

I-I WOULDN'T WATCH IT.

LET'S LEAVE THE ACTING TO THE ACTORS...

AND MUSIC TO THE MUSIC, MAN.

WELL, GOOD LUCK. I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT A BRIGHT FUTURE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE SUBURBANS !

[ Cheering, Applauding ]

** [ Rock ]

**

* WELL, THANKS FOR THE SAME OPINIONS *

* NOW TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW *

* AND ONCE I'LL FINISH BITCHIN' *

* GO I SAID, GO *

* GO GO, GO, GO *

* DON'T WAIT FOR INVITATIONS *

* I SAID, GO, GO, GO

[ Woman ] DAN ! DAN ! DAN !

[ Dan ] GRACE, WAIT. I'M GONNA--

GO AHEAD, BABY ! YES !

GRACE. GRACE, LET ME GO !

** [ Continues ]

OH.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ?

WERE YOU NOT AWARE PEOPLE GET PREGNANT THAT WAY ? I'M SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. DID YOU--

I-I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT'S THAT ? WHAT ?

SINCE WHEN IS A BRIEFCASE DE RIGUEUR WEDDING ATTIRE ?

I HAVE A LITTLE BUSINESS TO DISCUSS WITH JULES. OW !

THIS IS GIL AND AMANDA'S WEDDING. IT'S NOT CAREER DAY.

I WAS AWARE OF THAT. THANK YOU.

RORY'S NOT BRINGING ANOTHER BLIND DATE...

FROM CYBERPSCYHOCHICKS.COM, IS HE ? [ Engine Starts ]

NO, HE'S GOT SOME SUPPOSEDLY HOT NEW GIRLFRIEND.

HE MUST'VE MENTIONED SHE WAS A FORMER MODEL 17 TIMES IN A 2-MINUTE CONVERSATION.

[ Children Yelling ]

YOU BETTER TELL ME YOU GOT YOUR SPARE CUMMERBUND IN THERE.

THIS THING ?

YOU KIDDIN' ME ? IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET A SHOT AT JULES MARCELLE.

I'M GONNA EXPAND MY INSURANCE OFFICES ALL OVER THE ISLAND.

RORY, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. WHERE'S YOUR COVER GIRL ?

SHE'S RETIRED NOW, BUT SHE WAS HUGE AT ONE POINT.

PARIS. MILAN. ALL OVER THE PLACE. EVERYWHERE.

IS THERE ANY CHANCE SHE COULD INTERRUPT HER BUSY INTERNATIONAL SCHEDULE...

TO COME OUT HERE TO THE CAR ? I'M TRYIN'.

YOU SHOULD SEE THE BABY. IT'S LATCHED TO HER BREAST LIKE A DEER TICK.

HI !

[ Rory ] HONEY, ARE THE KIDS SETTLED WITH THE SITTER ?

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?

TROUBLE.

MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ? MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ? MOMMY, ARE WE THERE YET ?

* GO, GO, GO

IS IT BAD, DR. WAGONHOFFER ?

DR. WAGONHOFFER ?

ONE SECOND.

** [ Guitar ]

EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR.

IS THIS NOT A GOOD TIME FOR YOU ?

I ALMOST HAVE IT.

I JUST NEED A GOOD BRIDGE.

A GOOD BRIDGE ?

SWEETHEART, IS IT NECESSARY TO BREAST-FEED...

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE STRANGE PEOPLE NOW ?

[ Children Laughing ]

[ Man ] OH, NICE TRY, GUYS. JULES IS ALL MINE.

[ Grace ] JUST BECAUSE AMANDA'S FATHER INVESTED IN GIL'S BUSINESS...

DOES NOT MEAN HE'S INTERESTED IN YOUR ENTREPRENEURIAL ASPIRATIONS.

[ Dan ] OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT AWARE OF THE FACT THAT GIL'S FATHER-IN-LAW IS SICILIAN.

ANYBODY'S WHO'S SEEN THE GODFATHER KNOWS THAT A SICILIAN...

CANNOT DENY ANY REQUESTS ON HIS DAUGHTER'S WEDDING DAY.

[ Grace] PLEASE LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR.

** [ Ends ]

[ Squeaking ]

IT'S JUST SO HARD TO KEEP IT CLEAN OUT HERE WITH ALL THE SALT IN THE AIR.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON GETTING MARRIED FIRST. THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU.

OH, YEAH. THANKS.

OH, HEY. GUYS, UH--

[ Exhales ] THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR ME.

YEAH, SURE.

DON'T TOUCH THE CAR THOUGH, SERIOUSLY.

[ Priest ] YOU, GIL, YOU, AMANDA, AND ALL OF GOD'S CHILDREN...

REALIZE IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES...

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE RECOGNIZE...

WHEN GOD HAS FOUND US SOMEONE WE CAN LOVE AND TRUST.

FOR IT IS OUR SALVATION...

TO MAKE AN EVERLASTING COMMITMENT TO THAT PERSON. [ Camera Shutter Clicking ]

AND LET GOD SEAL IT...

WITH THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY.

I THINK WHOEVER GOES FIRST DEFINITELY HAS THE ADVANTAGE.

SECOND IS THE KEY SLOT, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

FIRST GUY WARMS HIM UP. HE'S WORN OUT BY THE TIME THE THIRD GUY OPENS HIS MOUTH.

I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS. YOU'RE HOPING I'M GONNA GO SECOND SO YOU CAN GO LAST.

FORGET IT. I'M THIRD.

FINE. I'LL GO FIRST.

WELL, GOOD. GET IN THERE THEN.

NICE TRY. I'M FIRST.

IF WE DO FORM OUR OWN LABEL...

AND RELEASE THE MICK WAGNER CD--

I'M ONLY PROMOTING THE ONE NIGHT SO FAR, AND IT'S-- IT'S HARD TO SAY.

A SOUL CLUB, HUH ?

ANYWAY, UH, WITH MY NAME,

WE'LL DEFINITELY GET A LOT OF AIRPLAY.

AND THEN WE'LL GET THE MAJOR LABELS INTO A KIND OF BIDDING WAR.

[ Mumbling ]

WHY DON'T I JUST...

PLAY THE, UH, SONG FOR YOU.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. I GOT A BUNION RIGHT THERE. IT'S KILLIN' ME.

THE BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T COMING BECAUSE IT'S IN A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND THE WHITE PEOPLE AREN'T COMING BECAUSE THEY FEEL IT'S ONLY FOR BLACK PEOPLE.

[ Mumbling ]

YOU KNOW, I'M OUT GIGGIN' MOST NIGHTS.

WHICH I FIND TO BE VERY SAD, BECAUSE I-I BELIEVE SOUL MUSIC TO BE THE, UH,

THE GREAT COMMON DENOMINATOR, SIR, DON'T YOU ?

NO. YEAH.

[ Mumbling, Yelling ]

JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY !

[ Crowd Murmuring ]

[ All Yelling ]

I CAUGHT IT ! HA-HA ! HA-HA !

[ Applauding ]

** [ Rock On Radio ]

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WAXED THIS THING, DAN ?

I THOUGHT IT CAME WITH WAX ON IT.

YOU NEED TO WAX IT.

[ Rory ] ALL I KNOW IS I'M RUINED.

OKAY, FINE. HE DOESN'T WANT TO INVEST.

BUT WAS IT NECESSARY TO CANCEL THE POLICY ON HIS ROLLS ?

I'LL LET YOU INSURE MY ROLLS WHEN I MAKE IT HUGE AGAIN.

NO OFFENSE, MITCH. DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO PUT IT TO BED ?

WHERE WAS YOUR LAST GIG ? THE NASSAU COMMUNITY COLLEGE RATHSKELLER ?

YOU KNOW, ISN'T IT GETTIN' A LITTLE OLD TRYIN' TO GET OVER ON THESE YOUNG CHICKS...

WITH THAT TIRED ROCK AND ROLL RAP OF YOURS ?

YOU WANT TO GIVE UP AND BE A CHUBBY INSURANCE AGENT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, GO AHEAD.

YOU KNOW, MITCH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET YOURSELF SOME COUNSELING,

BECAUSE A LIFE OF LONELINESS AND DESPAIR...

IS ALL THAT'S IN STORE FOR YOU, BY THE WAY.

YOU KNOW, RORY, I'D APPRECIATE IT...

IF YOU'D KEEP YOUR MORBID, SPIRITUAL CRISES TO YOURSELF...

AND LET THOSE OF US WHO WANT TO LEAD A NICE, SHALLOW, UNEXAMINED EXISTENCE...

FREE TO DO SO.

CRAIG WAS SO GREAT IN THE BEGINNING.

OH, HE WAS SO STRONG AND STABLE.

BUT THEN HE, UH-- HIS CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS WENT BAD,

AND HE STARTED DRINKING TOO MUCH.

THEN HE TOOK IT OUT ON ME AND THE KIDS. COULD YOU HOLD MAX FOR A SECOND ?

SURE. HE'S NOT, UH, STILL BOTHERING YOU, IS HE ?

NO. NO. THANK GOD.

NOT-- NOT SINCE THE FIRE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE BURNED YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND GOT AWAY WITH IT.

IT'S LEGAL TO BURN YOUR OWN HOUSE DOWN, IF YOU WANT TO.

NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE AWARE OF THAT. OH.

THAT'S HANDY TO KNOW.

WE WERE OUT OF TOWN THOUGH, SO IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO HURT ANYONE.

** [ Disco ] ALL RIGHT ! YOU GO, GIRL ! LOOK AT HER GO !

NOW YOU'RE BOOGEYIN' !

YOU WANT TO DROP ME AT THE TRAIN STATION IN THE MORNING ?

I'VE GOT SOME PUBLISHERS' MEETINGS IN THE CITY.

I WAS PLANNING ON GOING DOWN THERE TO LAY ON THE TRACKS ANYWAY.

HEY. EVERYTHING WORKS OUT. YOU KNOW THAT.

MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING.

IT'S A GOOD THING THAT ANOTHER ONE OF MY ATTEMPTS AT SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS...

WAS DASHED AGAINST THE JAGGED COASTLINE OF HARSH REALITY ?

NO, MAYBE IT'S A SIGN OR SOMETHING THAT IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE, YOU KNOW ?

I MEAN, YOU'RE-- YOU'RE 35 YEARS OLD, DANNY.

I'M GETTING VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DIRECTION THIS CONVERSATION IS TAKING.

AND SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE GIVES US SIGNALS,

AND WE HAVE TO BE OPEN TO NEW THINGS.

OH, NO. THIS IS TROUBLE.

DANNY, WE NEED TO TALK--

AND THERE THEY ARE-- THE FOUR MOST DREADED WORDS IN THE ENGLISH VOCABULARY.

ABOUT THIS MORNING.

I WANT TO HAVE A CHILD.

[ DJ ] AND NOW, OUR NEXT HAPPY COUPLE !

BELIEVE ME. IT CAME AS MUCH A SURPRISE TO ME AS IT'S COMING TO YOU, BUT I--

I WASN'T LOOKING FOR IT, AND-- I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.

I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN. YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT I JUST FELT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING WAS...

THIS ANCIENT, UH, INSTINCTUAL MOTHER IN ME...

JUST BROKE THROUGH MY MODERN CONSCIOUSNESS.

AND I WANTED TO-- I WANTED TO MOTHER.

I WANTED TO SUCKLE THE WORLD, AND I WANT TO NURTURE.

I WANT TO BE A MOM.

OKAY, UH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ? LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.

I THINK THAT YOU'RE JUST NERVOUS ABOUT YOUR BOOK, THAT'S ALL.

YOU'RE PUTTING YEARS OF YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS OUT THERE...

AND EXPOSING YOURSELF TO REJECTION FROM ANY NUMBER OF IDIOTIC PUBLISHERS.

I WANT TO HAVE A CHILD. YEAH. A CHILD ?

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT ? I DON'T THINK YOU'RE AWARE OF THE FACT...

THAT CHILDREN ARE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS PEOPLE.

IT'S NORMAL TO BE AFRAID.

I'M NOT AFRAID, GRACE. OH.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO ONE OF THOSE SPERM BANKS OR SOMETHING.

SPERM BANK ? YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

HAVE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD BE SOMEBODY WHO'S REDUCED TO JERKING OFF FOR A LIVING.

OH, DANNY.

NO, NO. THAT'S GREAT. "AND WHAT DOES THE FATHER DO ?"

"HE'S A VERY SUCCESSFUL, PROFESSIONAL MASTURBATOR."

PLEASE, HONEY, FORGET THAT MANIAC. YOU GOT ME NOW.

LISTEN, LARA. I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

WHEN THAT PRIEST WAS UP THERE EARLIER,

I FELT LIKE HE WAS TALKIN' DIRECTLY TO ME, LIKE GOD WAS TALKIN' TO ME.

AND I JUST THINK THAT YOU AND I ARE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER...

THAT WE-- HEY.

HEY, LARA. HI.

LITTLE BOY. LISTEN, RORY, CAN I, UH, TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?

COME HERE. SHE OKAY ? SHE LOOKS A LITTLE SICK.

LISTEN. YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT HERE.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON BACK THERE.

I AM SO CLOSE TO LANDING SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLE.

SHE'S A LIEUTENANT COLONEL IN THE AIR FORCE.

YOU GOTTA SEE THE BRASS ON THIS ONE.

HER HUSBAND GOT DRUNK, LEFT WITH THE CATERER. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY ?

ANYWAY, WE GOTTA PLAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ? PLAY WHAT ?

US, THE SUBURBANS.

"BY MY SIDE," OUR ONE PATHETIC LITTLE HIT.

IT WAS HER FAVORITE SONG. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT ?

I DON'T KNOW, MITCH. COME ON, MAN. COME ON. COME ON.

I'M BEGGING YOU. SHE'S ON FIRE.

WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN YEARS. I CAN CLOSE THIS DEAL IF WE PLAY.

WE HAVEN'T PLAYED IN-- WHO'S MY CHUBBY LITTLE ROCK STAR ?

DON'T START WITH THAT. WHO'S MY CHUBBY LITTLE ROCK STAR...

WHO I GOT LAID CONSTANTLY IN HIGH SCHOOL ?

[ Yells ] DO THIS. DO THIS FOR ME.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.

HI, EVERYBODY. WELL, THANKS FOR COMING AND MAKING MY WEDDING SO SPECIAL.

BUT GET READY FOR A BIG SURPRISE.

WITH US TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 18 YEARS, BY REQUEST,

THE CUTEST BASS PLAYER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD,

FORMER TEEN SENSATIONS, THE SUBURBANS !

[ Baby Crying ] [ Light Applause ]

[ Rory ] UH, IT GOES THE OTHER WAY, GIL.

[ Crying Continues ] [ Cymbal Crashes ]

[ Microphone Feeding Back ] [ Woman ] WHOOPS.

[ Woman ] OKAY, GUYS.

** [ Guitar ] [ Crowd Cheering ]

ALL RIGHT. UM, LET'S DO IT, GUYS.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

ONE, TWO.

** [ Stops ]

GIL ! GET-- GUYS, GET IN HERE.

COME HERE. QUICK. NOW, LISTEN.

IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, LET'S EMBARRASS OURSELVES...

AS LEAST AS POSSIBLE, DON'T YOU THINK ?

IF WE ALL START AT THE SAME TIME, WE'LL END AT THE SAME TIME.

THE MIDDLE WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF, OKAY ?

ALL RIGHT. GOTTA PLAY, GIL. NOW, FROM THE TOP.

ON FOUR. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. COME ON, BABY.

** [ Rock ]

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMIN' OVER ME *

* HEAR YOUR VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD *

* I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT

* PLEASE

* LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN *

* I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN *

* YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALL RIGHT RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* I NEED YOU NOW RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* I DON'T CARE HOW RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE IT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* I KNOW BETTER THAN HE TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU BELONG *

* TO ME *

[ Audience Cheering ]

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS, MAN ? SHE'S AN OFFICER, MITCH.

NOT TO MENTION SHE'S A MARRIED OFFICER.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE AT A WEDDING.

YOU UNDERSTAND ? YOU BURN FOR THIS KIND OF THING.

LOOK. I TOLD YOU.

WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN IN UNIFORM, I DON'T HAVE ANY CONTROL.

IT'S SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION. SOMETHING JUST TAKES OVER.

AS FOR THE FIRE AND DAMNATION PART, I AM WILLING TO GAMBLE THAT THIS IS ALL THERE IS.

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE AFTER IT. THAT'S MY CHOICE. [ Woman ] COME ON, MITCH.

THROW ME THE ROPE.

OKAY, UH, I JUST WANTED TO PLAY THIS SONG I KNOW.

I'VE BEEN WORKIN' ON IT. I DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A BRIDGE YET.

AH, LET'S SEE HERE. I WANT TO GET US A LITTLE FURTHER OUT...

FOR THE ACOUSTICS.

OW ! FUCK ! [ Laughing ]

HI. I'M CATE WITH A "C."

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU'RE WITH THE SUBURBANS, RIGHT ?

UH, YEAH. I MEAN, I AM. I MEAN, I WAS.

YEAH, I SAW YOU GUYS PLAY EARLIER. YOU WERE THE BOMB.

OH, I'M SORRY.

NO, I-I MEAN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE REALLY GREAT.

GOD, THIS IS SO FUNNY, BECAUSE I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT THE SUBURBANS,

AND THEN I WIND UP HERE AT THIS WEDDING AND HERE YOU ARE PLAYING.

WHAT A TRIP.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES ?

OH, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS CHANCE.

"AND TO US SEEMS MEREST ACCIDENT SPRINGS FROM THE DEEPEST SOURCE OF DESTINY."

JOHANN CHRISTOPH FRIEDRICH von SCHILLER.

OH, HE SAID THAT TOO, HUH ?

YEAH. GOD, THINGS LIKE THIS ARE HAPPENING TO ME ALL THE TIME.

I MEAN, I GUESS COINCIDENCES ARE HAPPENING IN EVERYBODY'S LIVES.

YOU JUST KIND OF HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE AVAILABLE TO THEM.

I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF. THAT WOULD-- THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

HI. I AM THE EAST COAST SENIOR VICE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF CREATIVE MANAGEMENT...

OF SPECIAL PROJECTS AT ELEKTRAGRAM VIASCOPE INTERNATIONAL.

UH, DANNY MORAN. I'M THE SENIOR LIFEGUARD OVER AT LOOKOUT BEACH.

I'M ALL OUT OF CARDS.

ANYWAY, UM, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING, WITH THE WHOLE '80s REVIVAL THING GOING ON,

THAT IF THERE WAS A BAND THAT REALLY DEFINED THAT SOUND,

IT WOULD DEFINITELY BE YOU GUYS,

BUT YOU NEVER GOT THE CREDIT YOU DESERVED.

EIGHTIES REVIVAL ?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE DID THE '50s IN THE '70s,

THE '60s IN THE '80s, AND WE'RE ALREADY DONE WITH THE '70s...

BEFORE THE '90s ARE EVEN OVER, WHICH MEANS...

WE NEED TO JAM IN THE '80s BEFORE THE MILLENNIUM.

YOU KNOW, WHEN PEOPLE STARTED FEELING NOSTALGIC FOR A WHOLE CENTURY.

THIS IS WHAT I WAS THINKING. A WHOLE REINTRODUCTION CONCEPT, YOU KNOW ?

TOUR, VIDEO, MERCHANDISING, TRIBUTE ALBUMS.

KIND OF SEE WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE.

DO I LOOK SUNBURNED TO YOU ? OH, THERE'S MY RIDE. [ Horn Honking ]

ANYWAY, VERY, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

CALL ME.

OW ! OW !

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT YOU SPECIFICALLY WOULD LOOK SAD, PATHETIC...

AND RIDICULOUS DOING A COMEBACK.

I JUST MEANT THAT SOMETIMES THESE THINGS CAN COME OFF A LITTLE--

[ Sighs ] OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT ? I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANY MORE.

JUST-- JUST COME TO BED.

DON'T YOU SEE, GRACE ? IT FINALLY ALL MAKES SENSE.

I MEAN, THIS IS WHY NONE OF MY OTHER VENTURES PANNED OUT, BECAUSE IF THEY HAD...

I WOULDN'T BE AVAILABLE FOR THIS, MY ACTUAL DESTINY ITSELF.

OH, JEEZ.

I MEAN, THAT RECORD COMPANY GIRL AT THE WEDDING.

I MEAN, DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A COINCIDENCE TO YOU ?

UH, IT SOUNDS LIKE STALKING.

WELL, IT'S NOT JUST HER BY THE WAY, OKAY ? IT'S EVI.

THERE'S A WHOLE HUGE COMPANY INTO IT.

OKAY, DANNY. YOUR HAPPINESS IS MY TOP PRIORITY,

WHICH JUST GOES TO SHOW I'VE WASTED A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY ON THERAPY.

BUT, UH, THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER.

I'M JUST CONCERNED. THAT'S ALL.

WHY THE SUBURBANS ANYWAY ? WHY NOW ?

APPARENTLY, WE DEFINED A SOUND. THOSE WERE HER WORDS.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY, YOU KNOW ?

WHAT IF IT'S ONE OF THOSE DEALS WHERE A HUGE COMPANY...

BUYS UP THE RIGHTS TO AN OLD BAND'S MUSIC...

AND JUST WANTS TO RING THE LAST BIT OF REVENUE OUT OF THEM...

BEFORE TOSSING THE DRIED-OUT, FESTERING,

DECOMPOSING RIND BACK ON THE SCRAP HEAP ?

IS THAT A QUESTION OR A POEM ?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT AGAIN.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ALL PUMPED UP...

AND DROP EVERYTHING JUST TO HAVE IT VANISH AGAIN.

IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO BOUNCE BACK THE LAST TIME.

GRACE, I NEED TO TRY SOMETHING.

I MEAN, AT LEAST I HAD SOME SUCCESS AT THIS, NO MATTER HOW SHORT-LIVED,

WHICH IS MORE THAN CAN BE SAID FOR EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE DONE.

I JUST--

I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING,

LIKE I'M OF SOME VALUE TO THE WORLD.

SOMETHING TO OFFER.

BABY, I'D FEEL LIKE YOU HAD SOMETHIN' TO OFFER IF YOU WERE...

THE DISHWASHER AT JACK IN THE BOX.

JACK IN THE BOX DOESN'T HAVE DISHES.

YOU REALLY WANT THIS ?

THEN I'M WITH YOU.

BUT THERE'S ONE THING THAT I WILL NOT TOLERATE,

AND I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME VERY CLEARLY ON THIS.

I WILL NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,

GO BACK TO WEARING HIGH HEELS WITH SOCKS.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME, MR. BIG ?

[ Yells ]

[ Baby Crying ]

[ Moaning ] OH, YOU KNOW, I--

WHAT'S WRONG, BABY ?

I-I'M SORRY.

WHAT IS IT ?

IT JUST-- IT JUST HAPPENS SOMETIMES. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

DANNY.

LOOK, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP.

BUT, DANNY, YOU HAVE AN ERECTION.

WHAT ? WHAT, THAT ?

NO, I DON'T-- THAT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I MEAN, THAT'S--

THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT SEXUAL.

[ Laughs ] I MEAN, IT'S--

I KNOW THAT WON'T LAST. DANNY !

[ All Screaming ]

[ Man ] I KNOW WE'RE IN A BIG, GIANT BOARDROOM, AND IT'S EVI--

WHOO ! I MEAN, THIS IS BASICALLY THE COMPANY YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT HERE, OKAY ?

THE COMPANY IS DADDY AND ME. IT'S TWO GUYS. YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT THE WHOLE COMPANY.

YOU CAN TEAR DOWN THE BUILDING, GO TO THE FOUNDATION.

IT COULD BE ME AND HIM IN A PIT.

YOU'D STILL HAVE THE SAME COMPANY, OKAY ?

EVER HEAR OF THE TEMP TONES ?

NO.

NEITHER DID I. I TOLD BERRY GORDY,

"IT'S THE TEMPTATIONS ! YOU CALL IT THE TEMPTATIONS !"

THAT'S THE WAY-- BERRY. BERRY. BERRY. BERRY.

IT WAS BERRY BEFORE HE WENT TO HIS HEAD, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

THEN HE GOT THE JACKSONS AND EVERYTHING WENT BOOM-BOOM.

THE POINT IS, WE'RE FAMILY HERE, OKAY ? THIS IS TWO GUYS--

YOU EVER HEAR OF SYLVESTER AND THE FAMILY STONE ?

[ All Mumbling ]

SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE !

[ All ] AH.

STREET CRED. AND CAN I JUST BE--

BY THE WAY, CAN I JUST BE A FAN FOR TWO SECONDS...

AND TELL YOU GUYS THAT I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M BACK IN 1982 ?

I'M IN THE BACKSEAT OF THE GREMLIN FIGURING OUT THE FACTS OF LIFE AND I'M--

* RIGHT ON MY SIDE I'M HEARING THE SONG *

* IT'S IN MY HEAD AND I'M GETTIN' HOME **

I MEAN, IT WAS A WHOLE THING. SO, FOR ME TO BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW,

I FEEL A LITTLE VULNERABLE. I FEEL LIKE I NEED YOU.

I'M A LITTLE BABY RIGHT NOW, OKAY ? I'M A LITTLE BABY...

SAYING, "HELLO. GIVE IT TO ME."

I GOT MY DIAPER DOWN. I GOT IT ALL OUT AND I'M SAYING,

"I'M A LITTLE, SCARED CHIPMUNK THAT WANTS YOU."

GIVE IT TO ME. HOW DO I GET IT ? HOW DO I GET THE SUBHUMANS ?

[ All ] UH, SUBURBANS.

SUBURBANS. THAT'S BETTER.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

[ All ] SUBURBANS.

HELLO ? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. [ All ] SUBURBANS.

I'M HEARING AN IRANIAN MAN WHO'S TELLING ME THAT HE'S STUCK IN A PUDDLE.

I'M SORRY. I'M ON A THING TO LONDON. I GOT A CONFERENCE GOING.

HE'S TALKIN' TO LONDON.

WHAT ? SPEAK UP. YES, NOW I GOT YOU.

WELL, RODERICK, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OUT OF FOCUS.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WHAT WE HAVE IN MIND IS NOT JUST A SIMPLE REISSUE,

BUT A COMPLETE CONCEPT TO ESTABLISH THE SUBURBANS...

IN THE COLLECTIVE, CULTURAL PSYCHE OF THE POST-BOOMER, PRE-MILLENNIAL DEMOGRAPHIC.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

THAT'S A VERY SMART IDEA.

THANK YOU.

UH, CATE, NOT THAT I THINK YOU SHOULDN'T, BUT I WAS JUST--

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF THE SUBURBANS ?

WE JUST HAD THE ONE HIT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

THAT'S A VALID QUESTION, AND I THINK THAT I CAN ANSWER IT FOR YOU.

SURE, THERE WERE A LOT OF BANDS IN THE EARLY '80s...

THAT HAD A HIT OR TWO AND THEN DISAPPEARED.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ] BUT NONE THAT WERE AS YOUTHFUL AND PROMISING,

YET SELF-DESTRUCTED SO PUBLICLY.

SURE, DANNY VOMITED ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

YES, MITCH FACED A VERY EMBARRASSING TRIAL AGAINST A VIDEOTAPED LIAISON...

WITH TWO 15-YEAR-OLD CLERKS IN A SYOSSET CONVENIENCE STORE, NOT TO MENTION THE THING...

WITH THE TRANSVESTITE SECURITY GUARD IN THE SUNRISE MALL IN MASSAPEQUA.

IF I CAN INTERJECT FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

I THINK THOSE GIRLS HAD TO LIE ON THE APPLICATIONS ABOUT THEIR AGE,

OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I THINK THE JUDGE TOOK THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

AND SECONDLY, THE SECURITY GUARD WAS A TRANSSEXUAL,

WHICH MEANS THAT OFFICIALLY HE WAS A WOMAN AT THE TIME, FOR THE RECORD.

PLEASE DON'T BE SHY. THE WORSE IT WAS THEN, THE MORE THEY LOVE YOU TODAY.

IN THAT CASE, THAT GUY GAVE THE BEST BLOW JOB I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

REALLY ? WELL, UM--

RORY. GOD, I CAN IMAGINE THE HUMILIATION YOU MUST HAVE FELT...

HAVING TO CLAIM BANKRUPTCY AFTER INCURRING...

AN $11 MILLION DEBT WHEN YOUR TOTAL GROSS INCOME WAS ONLY $200,000.

DID GO A LITTLE TOO HARD.

SEE, IT'S JUST THOSE INDISCRETIONS...

THAT WILL HUMANIZE AND ENDEAR YOU TO THE AUDIENCE TODAY.

THE MORE PATHETIC YOU WERE THEN, THE MORE SYMPATHETIC YOU ARE NOW.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD.

WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON THAT.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO HEAR WHAT'S SHE'S SAYING, 'CAUSE I KNOW IT'S TRUE, OKAY ?

THIS GIRL IS-- HOLD ON A SECOND.

THIS GIRL, SHE'S, LIKE-- IT'S FREAKY WHAT SHE DOES,

BECAUSE SHE'S, LIKE, A DIVINING THING TO FIND WATER.

HER HEAD IS-- TILT YOUR HEAD DOWN. ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE'S LIKE A DOUSING STICK.

I MEAN, I'M JOKING, BUT I'M ALSO SERIOUS.

WHO SIGNED STEELY T ?

WHO WANTED TO RELEASE "MEET MY FOO PAPA BITTY PARTS"?

HER. WHO SIGNED STOOL THIS YEAR ?

TWENTY-SIX MILLION UNITS MOVED IN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS.

ALL RIGHT ? HER. DOUBLE PLATINUM, BY THE WAY.

WE'RE INTO SOMETHING VERY EXCITING HERE.

LOOK, I THOUGHT THAT WE'D START

WITH THE REMASTERED VERSION OF THE SINGLE "BY MY SIDE."

WE'LL DO A VIDEO FOR THAT, GET THAT IN HEAVY ROTATION ON MTV...

AND THE 168 RADIO STATIONS THAT WE HAVE A VERY, VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH.

WE'RE VERY EXCITED. WE WILL MOVE YOU INTO A LIVE-IN REHEARSAL SPACE.

THERE WE'LL SHOOT B ROLL OF YOUR DAILY LIVES, UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL AND ALL THAT STUFF.

THAT WILL THEN BE CUT INTO THE "MAKING THE RECORD" SPECIAL...

AND THE LIVE CONCERT SPECIAL THAT WILL SHOW ON EVI CABLE IN A PAY-PER-VIEW EXTRAVAGANZA.

PAY-PER-VIEW. SICK. PAY-PER-VIEW. OKAY ?

THIS WOMAN'S A FREAK. YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT A FREAK.

ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS THIS. SHE'S INTO THIS. ALL RIGHT ?

SKATEBOARD. YOU GUYS. FACES ON IT. I MEAN, BRAND.

WHAT ? RIGHT. [ Whispers ] CONTRACTS.

OKAY, THOSE ARE CONTRACTS, I GUESS, AND BASICALLY... [ Hiccups ]

YOU GUYS GOTTA SIGN THEM OR WHATEVER YOU DO,

JUST WHERE THEY TELL YOU TO SIGN BY, UH-- WHEN DID WE SAY ?

5:00 TODAY, OR ELSE WE CAN'T DO THE DEAL.

BY 5:00 ? THAT SEEMS REALLY SHORT. IS THAT WEIRD ?

IS IT WEIRD ? YES, IT IS WEIRD. THE WHOLE THING IS WEIRD.

I MEAN, FRANKLY, FOR ME, IT'S WEIRD. ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M HERE SIGNING YOU GUYS.

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING IN 15 YEARS. I'M HAVING TO GO WITH A GUT THING...

THAT SHE'S TELLING ME ABOUT, WHICH IS WONDERFUL...

BECAUSE, BY THE WAY, SHE DOESN'T GET GUT THINGS A LOT.

SHE'S GOING OUT ON A LIMB FOR YOU GUYS, WHICH IS WONDERFUL.

THAT EXCITES ME THAT YOU'RE TAKING A CHANCE WITH YOUR JOB.

IT EXCITES ME THAT YOU GUYS ARE GONNA COME THROUGH...

HOPEFULLY IN A WAY IF WE CAN, YOU KNOW, MAKE THIS DEAL HAPPEN.

SO, YES, IT IS WEIRD. IT'S VERY WEIRD, BUT HOPEFULLY GOOD WEIRD.

[ Phone Ringing ] EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND. HELLO ? YES ?

OH, YEAH. OKAY. I GOT FINKLER. [ Choking ]

YEAH, I KNOW. PUT HIM THROUGH. BITCH.

FUCKIN' ASSHOLE. HEY, SCOOTER. WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR ME ?

OKAY, SO THAT'S YOUR COUNTER ?

OKAY. SO, YOU'RE TELLIN' ME YOUR BOY--

OOH. HE'S BIG WILLY. MOVES 20,000 UNITS ONE WEEK.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S GONNA TAKE HIS DICK, SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT LIKE THAT...

BECAUSE HE THINKS HE'S MR. MAMA PAJAMA ?

[ Choking Continues ]

DO ME A FAVOR, OKAY ? TELL HIM TO TAKE THAT SAME DICK,

PUT SOME PEANUT BUTTER ON IT, SHOVE HIS GRANDMA'S BOOTY ABOUT AS WIDE AS THE MOON...

AND TAKE IT ALL THE WAY UP THERE

'CAUSE SHE'S GOT A TEA PARTY COMIN' SHE'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

MORE TO FOLLOW. MORE TO FOLLOW ! HE'LL CALL BACK.

I'M HAVIN' DINNER WITH HIM TONIGHT.

[ All ] AH.

I'M EXCITED. I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T WANT TO COME.

WHAT IF IT'S SOME BEAUTIFUL, EXOTIC LOCATION ? IT'S NOT GONNA BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

[ Grace ] I'M STILL WAITING TO HEAR ON THAT GQ SURFER BOY JOB.

SURFER BOY ?

YEAH, IT'S A PROFILE ON SOME 19-YEAR-OLD PROFESSIONAL SURFER...

TURNED TOP MODEL IN BALI.

NOW, I'VE GOT TO SPEND, LIKE, A WEEK GLUED TO THE GUY AND DOCUMENT HIS EVERY MOVE.

IT'S PRETTY BORING SHIT, RIGHT ? BUT THE MONEY'S GREAT.

MODEL/SURFER, HUH ? I DON'T REMEMBER YOU MENTIONING THAT.

YEAH, I THINK I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT.

ANYWAY, YOU KNOW I DON'T DO WELL IN THESE BIG GROUP SITUATIONS.

[ Doorbell Ringing ] IT'S YOUR THING, AND YOU'LL BE WORKING.

I'LL JUST BE IN THE WAY ANYWAY.

HI. HI.

GIVE ME TEN MINUTES TO PACK.

COME ON, MITCH. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

I CAN'T DO THAT.

MITCH, DON'T BE A BABY. GET IN THERE.

THERE'S GOTTA BE ANOTHER WAY.

THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD AVAILABLE.

MITCH, GET YOUR SHIT AND LET'S GO. THANK YOU !

THIS IS ABUSE. COME ON.

* WHERE ARE YOU RUBIN KINCAID *

* TRYING TO SEARCH YOUR TRADING VOWS *

* FIRST-ROUND PICK IN THE WAITING LOUNGE *

[ Horn Honking ] * PICKED UP PACE AND YOU'RE STILL WITH ME *

* JUST IN TIME FOR SYMPATHY *

* WHERE ARE YOU RUBIN KINCAID *

* WHERE ARE YOU RUBIN KINCAID *

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Yelling ]

* WHERE ARE YOU RUBIN KINCAID **

ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?

IS SHE SERIOUS ?

OH, JESUS.

[ Mitch ] SECRET, EXOTIC LOCATION.

I COULD'VE WALKED HERE.

[ Rory ] WE'RE IN FUCKING WANTAUCK.

[ Lara ] RORY, DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE KIDS !

[ Gil ] DO WE HAVE TO BE HERE LONGER THAN AN HOUR ?

ISN'T THIS GENIUS ?

I MEAN, THE SUBURBANS IN THE SUBURBS.

MTV IS GOING TO DIE FOR THIS.

[ All Screaming ]

"SO, WE BEAT ON.

BOATS AGAINST THE CURRENT, BORNE BACK CEASELESSLY INTO THE PAST."

EXCUSE ME.

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD ?

[ All ] OH ! OKAY, THEN.

I GUESS I SHOULD ASSIGN SOME ROOMS,

AND YOU GUYS SHOULD START REHEARSING IN THE GARAGE.

JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS, HUH ?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ? I'M TUNIN' MY DRUMS.

WELL, SET 'EM UP THEN. THEY ARE SET UP.

RORY, I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, BUT THE DRUMS GO IN THE BACK.

SAYS WHO ? IS THERE SOME KIND OF BAND RULE BOOK ?

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING A LITTLE NUTS HERE NOW.

THE DRUMS GO IN THE BACK, RORY.

NOT NECESSARILY.

RORY, NAME ONE BAND WHERE THE DRUMMER SITS UP FRONT, YOU CAN LEAVE IT THAT WAY.

CONAN O'BRIEN.

CONAN O'BRIEN IS NOT A BAND. IT'S A TV SHOW.

ACTUALLY, HE DOES HAVE A POINT, MITCH.

UH, MAX WEINBERG, WHO IS THE BAND LEADER ON THAT SHOW,

IS A DRUMMER, AND HE PLAYS UP IN THE FRONT.

HE PLAYS ON THE SIDE, ACTUALLY, IF YOU WANT TO BE ACCURATE.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS HELPING HIM FOR ? WILL YOU TELL HIM THAT A TV SHOW DOESN'T COUNT ?

GOD, THEY NEVER GIVE YOU ENOUGH INSTRUCTIONS WITH THESE THINGS.

UH, I CAN DO THAT IF YOU WANT.

OH. OKAY. WELL, THEN, UM, I'LL MAKE THE TEA.

DANNY WANTED TEA.

UH, YEAH. I BETTER DO THAT TOO.

OH ?

YOU CAN'T PUT THE MILK IN BEFORE YOU LET THE TEA BAG...

HAVE TIME TO STEEP IN THE HOT WATER.

OH. YEAH. I FORGOT. YEAH.

HE'S JUST VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS TEA, THAT'S ALL. I MEAN, IT'S AN IRISH THING.

SORRY. I GUESS I'M NOT A VERY GOOD COOK. OH, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOT THAT. HE'S JUST VERY FUSSY ABOUT SOME THINGS.

I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ?

GIL ? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CONTRAPTION ? YEAH ?

THIS IS A SEQUENCER. I PROGRAMMED ALL THE BASS LINES...

TO ALL THE SONGS RIGHT INTO HERE, THAT WAY I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SELECT A SONG ON THE KEYPAD.

GIL ?

UH, THIS IS TROUBLE.

I'M VERY HAPPY YOU MADE A FORTUNE IN YOUR NO-MONEY-DOWN...

REAL ESTATE, CLASSIFIED, DIRECT MAIL, TRADING CARDS, SOUVENIRS...

OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR OUTFIT'S INVOLVED IN,

BUT WE HAVE NOTHING OF THIS.

SO, PLEASE GET AN ACTUAL LIVE INSTRUMENT SO WE CAN REHEARSE.

WOULD IT BE BETTER IF I WERE TO OPERATE...

THE EQUIPMENT VIA MY E-MAIL SERVER ?

OR BETTER YET, I HAVE A HANDHELD G.P.S. SATELLITE CONTROL SYSTEM...

THAT'S JUST DYNAMITE, IN WHICH I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE IN THE COUNTRY.

I COULD BE IN JAPAN OR--

[ Yells ]

GREAT OVEN.

JUST LIKE THE ONE WE HAD IN OUR OLD HOUSE...

BEFORE THAT BASTARD CRAIG USED IT TO BURN IT DOWN.

SOMEONE BURNT YOUR HOUSE DOWN ?

HER EX-HUSBAND.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.

OH.

SEE, THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHY I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

I MEAN, KINDA WHAT'S THE POINT UNLESS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE KIDS, YOU KNOW ?

AND DO WE REALLY NEED ANOTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET ?

OH, I JUST COULDN'T IMAGINE HAVING MY BODY ALL STRETCHED OUT AND EVERYTHING.

AND NOT THAT IT'S A BAD THING. I THINK MOTHERHOOD LOOKS BEAUTIFUL ON OTHER WOMEN.

AM I JUST HOPELESSLY SHALLOW AND SELFISH ?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT ? MAYBE I'LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY WHEN I'M AS OLD AS YOU GUYS.

WHO KNOWS, RIGHT ?

YEAH, MAYBE WHEN YOU GET TO BE THAT OLD.

D-DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR ANYTHING ?

OH, NONE THAT I TAKE SERIOUSLY. WHO HAS THE TIME ?

YOU KNOW WHAT, GRACE ? I REALLY LOVE YOUR TATTOO. OH, YEAH.

I GOT THIS IN TUCSON ON DANNY'S FIRST TOUR.

I HAVE A HEART ON MY HIP AND A CELTIC CROSS ON MY SHOULDER.

CRAIG WOULDN'T LET ME GET A TATTOO. CONTROLLING BULLY.

YEAH, WELL, LOOK. CHECK THIS OUT.

LET'S SEE YOURS.

UM, I-I THINK THE TEA'S READY.

OKAY. WELL, LOOK. I HAVE ANOTHER ONE RIGHT THERE ON MY BACK.

CAN YOU SEE ?

WHOA. GOD, THAT'S NOT TOO EMBARRASSING.

I, UH, JUST WANTED TO SEE IF THE-- IF THE TEA WAS READY.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON THE CREW.

[ Baby Babbling ]

THANKS, HONEY.

OH. OH. NO THANKS. I DON'T DRINK.

OH, YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE FOR THE TOAST.

NO, REALLY. I DON'T DRINK AT ALL. OKAY. SUIT YOURSELF.

OKAY. I HOPE EVERYBODY'S HUNGRY HERE.

EXCUSE ME. THIS IS GRANDMA'S SECRET RECIPE, LADIES,

SO DON'T TRY AND GET IT OUTTA ME.

HERE'S A NICE BIG PORTION FOR YOU. THANK YOU.

MANGIARE.

AND, UH, GET A LITTLE FOR YOU, LITTLE KENNETH.

HEY ! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE IT ALONE !

YOU FUCKER !

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME ? WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

IT'S OKAY. COME HERE !

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE !

WANNA GO GET A DRINK ?

[ Lara ] COME HERE. NO.

[ Lara ] OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

FUCKIN' NUTS.

KEEP ROLLING.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART OF MY BODY ?

SHIT. I KNOW I KNOW THIS ONE. I'M SERIOUS.

WHAT PART OF MY BODY DO YOU LIKE THE BEST ?

UH,

I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... YOUR MIND.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT COP-OUT SHIT. I'M TALKING STRICTLY PHYSICAL.

LET'S SEE, UH-- YEAH ?

[ Exhales ] CAN I BE EXCUSED FROM THIS EXAM ?

COME ON.

YOUR SMILE. YOU HATE MY TITS, DON'T YOU ?

SHIT, I KNEW IT. GRACE. THAT'S OKAY. I KNOW. THEY WERE NICE ONCE.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ? GRAVITY IS A MONUMENTALLY POWERFUL FORCE.

GRACE, HONEY ? I LOVE YOUR TITS.

I HAVE NEVER LOVED A HUMAN BODY PART...

MORE THAN YOUR LUSCIOUS BREASTS THEMSELVES.

SO, YOU THINK MY ASS IS FAT NOW ? OH, HONEY.

I LOVE EVERY PART OF YOUR BODY. YOU DO NOT.

I DO. I DO. YOU DON'T.

OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT ? I'LL ADMIT IT. I LIED.

YOUR TITS ARE NOT MY FAVORITE PART.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY ?

YOUR UNBELIEVABLY INCREDIBLY SEXY PANCREAS.

OH, REALLY ? YOU THINK SO ?

YOUR SPLEEN IS PRETTY HOT ALSO.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT. MMM.

I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMEBODY'S ENDOCRINE SYSTEM.

IT'S VERY, VERY SACRED.

WHY ? YOU THINK MY ASS IS FAT ?

SHUT UP.

NO, I'M SERIOUS. YOU GOTTA TELL ME THESE THINGS.

HEY, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT OUR TALK AT THE WEDDING AT ALL ?

ABOUT THE K-I-D ?

YES, I-I'VE DEFINITELY THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND,

I JUST THINK THAT NOW, YOU KNOW, LIKE,

WITH THINGS GOING THE WAY THEY ARE, AS SOON AS THINGS SETTLE DOWN A LITTLE BIT...

I'LL BE ABLE TO REALLY GIVE IT SOME SERIOUS CONSIDERATION.

OH, BABY. THIS ALL SCARES ME SO MUCH.

WHY, HONEY ? THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF.

IT'S ONLY... ROCK AND ROLL,

BUT I LIKE IT.

SHUT UP. SHUT UP !

WHAT ?

IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY TILL SOMEONE GETS HURT.

SEE ?

[ Moans ] GRACE, HONEY ?

I REALLY-- I REALLY GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP. HONEY, I REALLY DO.

I'VE GOT REHEARSAL TOMORROW.

HONEY, I'VE GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP. I'VE GOT EARLY REHEARSAL.

HONEY. SHH.

SHH.

[ Laughing ]

OKAY. I BELIEVE YOU.

ONE MORE PERSONAL QUESTION, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

DO YOU NOW CURRENTLY OR HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PENIS ?

NO. YOU'RE CRAZY.

HAVE YOU ?

NO.

YOU EVER, UH, SEE THE INSIDE OF A TOUR BUS BEFORE ?

MAYBE YOU WANT TO, UH, CLOSE UP FOR THE MYSTERY TOUR.

I MEAN, I THINK IT'LL BE GREAT IF WE CAN, YOU KNOW, IF WE CAN RECAPTURE,

YOU KNOW, THE ORIGINAL CORE OF WHAT WE WERE DOING.

WHEN WE WERE KIDS, YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS PURITY TO IT.

AND WHEN WE WERE SINGIN' TOGETHER IN OUR GARAGE--

SO, I'M LISTENING TO A LOT OF MY EARLY STUFF AND, UH, SORT OF STUDYING THAT...

AND GETTING BACK INTO WHAT I DID, ONLY MORE SO 'CAUSE IT'S WHAT I'M DOING NOW.

IT'S BEEN A LITTLE LONELY FOR ME, UM,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT MARRIED, AND I HAVEN'T,

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SPOKEN WITH AMANDA, 'CAUSE SHE'S GONE.

SHE WENT AHEAD ON OUR HONEYMOON.

I HAVE A FEW THINGS THAT I HAVE TO DO DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME, WHICH IS,

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT I'M,

YOU KNOW, FRUGAL WITH THE MONEY THAT I MAKE.

TWENTY CARS HE BOUGHT OFF THAT ONE SONG. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE...

WITH THE MONEY FROM THAT SONG IF THAT WAS MY MONEY ?

I WOULD'VE BOUGHT A HOUSE. I LIKE KIDS.

I'M NOT-- I DON'T KNOW IF THEY BELONG IN A ROCK AND ROLL SITUATION.

IT'S A WEIRD THING, YOU KNOW, TO BE IN YOUR MIDDLE 30s.

I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT, BUT I THINK HE'LL BE ABLE TO TAP INTO THAT...

AND, UH, MAKE SOME DOUGH AND THEN START A FAMILY, WHICH IS WHAT HE REALLY WANTS TO DO.

SOMETIMES I HAVE A SOFT CRY.

YOU KNOW ?

MITCH ? DO I SIT ON YOUR GUITAR ?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO ?

ANY OF YOU GUYS SEEN GIL THIS MORNING ?

** [ Humming ]

GIL !

THIS IS A GREAT BUS.

[ Male Announcer ] FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, SEPTEMBER 9,

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE EXCLUSIVELY ON EVI PAY-PER-VIEW,

THE RETURN OF THE SUBURBANS ! * RIGHT BY MY SIDE

NEVER-BEFORE SEEN DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE OF THEIR RISE TO THE TOP.

I USUALLY COME UP WITH A COUPLE OF LICKS AND GET A RIFF GOING AND THEN--

THERE'S A BEAT THERE. I GOT A BEAT HAPPENING. HE'S GOT A BEAT.

HE'S THE DRUMMER. 'CAUSE HE JUMPS AROUND, MAN.

I DON'T WRITE ANY OF 'EM. I JUST-- I HAVE A VAN.

HE'S GOT A-- HE'S GOT A VAN. [ Announcer ] PREMATURE BREAKUP...

HEY, MAN. IF THEY DON'T, YOU KNOW, GET OFF ON THE SOUL VIBE,

THEN, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

AND DESCENT INTO DEPRAVITY AND DESPAIR.

NOW, YOU CAN WITNESS THEIR RESURRECTION LIVE FOR ONLY:

EXCLUSIVELY ON EVI PAY-PER-VIEW.

SPONSORED BY ROTO RIDER MOWERS.

[ Voices Arguing, Overlapping ]

* BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL STAY RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* ALL NIGHT AND DAY RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE *

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE THAT'S WHERE I BELONG *

* NOW I KNOW BETTER THAN THEY TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU BELONG TO ME **

CUT ! CUT !

[ Speaking Foreign Language ]

OKAY. OKAY.

HOW YA DOIN' ?

UH, GOOD. IT'S JUST-- HEY, HON.

HI. I GOT IT.

WHAT ? THE MAGAZINE GIG.

THE SURFER KID ?

THE SIX-PAGE SPREAD ? OH, YEAH. GREAT. CONGRATULATIONS, GRACE.

THAT'S GREAT. THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT, GRACE ? CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND ?

LOOK, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D BE DOING ALL THE PHOTOS.

IT'S JUST COMPANY POLICY.

YEAH, WELL, IF IT'S IN-HOUSE, THEN--

I HOPE THAT YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT THE WRONG WAY. OH, NO, I MEAN,

TO BE HONEST, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ENOUGH TIME.

I'M REALLY BUSY, AND, YOU KNOW,

I'VE COVERED THE WHOLE MUSIC SCENE THING TO DEATH ACTUALLY.

I PUT A BOOK TOGETHER.

REALLY ?

YEAH, SEVERAL PUBLISHERS HAVE IT NOW.

GOD, THAT'S EXCITING.

YEAH.

WELL, UH, ANYWAY, I THINK I'M GONNA GO.

OH, YOU DON'T-- WHY DON'T YOU STAY AND WATCH, IF YOU WANT ?

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY'S ARTISTIC INSPIRATIONS OR ANYTHING,

BUT, I MEAN, I JUST DON'T KNOW.

ME ? I WOULDN'T MIND IF I COULD FUCKING BREATHE A LITTLE.

WE GOING SOON OR WHAT ?

YOU KNOW, I WAS GONNA TELL YOU THAT I, UM, I REALLY LIKE YOUR SHOES.

WHERE'D YOU GET 'EM ?

I MADE THEM.

REALLY ? YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE SHOES ?

[ Drums Collapsing ]

[ Yells ]

I REALLY HAVE TO GET GOING. WILL YOU TELL DANNY I SAID GOOD-BYE ?

SURE.

BYE.

I THOUGHT YOU QUIT DRINKIN' COFFEE BECAUSE OF YOUR ULCER ?

COFFEE'S THE LEAST OF MY PROBLEMS, MAN. WHAT ?

SO, YOU GOT A LITTLE WINDED IN THOSE TIGHT CLOTHES. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I PASSED OUT ON STAGE.

I'M FAT. NOW, YOU KNOW IT, I KNOW IT,

AND NOW 'CAUSE OF MTV THE REST OF THE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW IT.

I WOULDN'T SAY YOU WERE FAT EXACTLY.

IT'S REALLY ONLY IN THIS MIDDLE AREA RIGHT HERE WHICH CONCERNS ME THOUGH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

I'M THINKING MAYBE IT'S, LIKE, MEDICAL.

MEDICAL, HUH ?

DON'T YOU THINK IT COULD BE MEDICAL ? I MEAN, LOOK.

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM NORMAL THE WAY IT STICKS OUT LIKE THAT.

IT'S GOTTA BE MEDICAL.

HEY, RORY, MY HAMBURGER. NO OIL, NO BUTTER, NO BREAD, NO CONDIMENTS.

WELL, DO YOU WANT THE BURGER ITSELF, OR DO YOU WANT ME TO GRAB...

A TERRY CLOTH TOWEL FROM THE DRAWER AND BAKE THAT UP FOR YOU ?

IS IT ALMOST LIT ? VERY CLOSE.

[ Yells ]

THIS IS WONDERFUL, RORY. THANK YOU.

WELL, IT'S ALL IN THE ACTUAL CHARCOAL ITSELF.

MOST PEOPLE AREN'T AWARE OF THAT FACT.

EVERYONE IS REALLY EXCITED AT MTV OVER THE VIDEO.

NO WAY !

OH, GOOD. GOOD. [ Mitch ] HEY, UH--

EVERYBODY, BRANDY-CANDY-MANDY WAS KIND ENOUGH TO, UH,

BRING SOME DESSERT FROM THE SIP N' DONUTS,

SO WE INVITE EVERYBODY TO ENJOY.

UH, I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'D LIKE TO SAY MYSELF.

MOMMY, MOMMY, I PET THE DOG NEXT DOOR, THEN LIPSTICK CAME OUT OF HIS WIENER !

I'M TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING HERE, LARA.

RORY, YOU'RE GONNA SCARE THE BABY.

NOW, DON'T TOUCH THAT DOG ANYMORE, OKAY ? IT'S A BAD DOG.

OKAY, MOMMY. OKAY.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE ?

CAN I HAVE EVERYBODY'S ATTENTION FOR A SECOND ?

I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR COMING OVER. IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME TO HAVE...

THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE AT MY HUMBLE HOME.

IT'S ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT FOR US TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WE CAN LOVE AND TRUST.

LARA. [ Baby Crying ]

ONE SECOND, HONEY.

OOH. COME HERE. COME HERE.

WHOO ! YES.

LET'S ROCK LIKE A BABY.

LAY BACK HERE. LAY BACK.

ANYWAY--

[ Lara ] I'M SORRY. I FOUND THAT SOMEONE, AND THAT SOMEONE IS YOU.

WILL YOU MARRY ME ?

YES ! YES, OF COURSE I WILL.

[ Rory ] WE'RE GETTING MARRIED !

WE'RE A FAMILY !

CONGRATULATIONS.

YEA !

[ Danny ] YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.

YES. [ Rory ] THANK YOU. THANKS.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?

WHAT ? WHAT THE HELL AM I WAITIN' FOR, HUH ?

I CAN'T EVEN ADDRESS THE OVERALL SCENARIO RIGHT NOW.

I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT BOULDER YOU THREW ON HER HAND.

WHERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY FOR THAT KIND OF STONE ?

WHAT ? I GOT A LOAN. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?

WE'RE GONNA BE HUGE AGAIN. YOU HEARD CATE.

MTV LIVES FOR US. WE'RE GONNA BE LARGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.

OH, NO. THIS IS TROUBLE. ARE YOU FORGETTING WHAT HAPPENED TO US ONCE ALREADY ?

I CANNOT AFFORD TO THINK LIKE THAT, DANNY.

IT'S ALL I GOT, BUT IT SHOULD BE ENOUGH...

TO KEEP THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS TILL I GET SOME REAL CASH.

WE CAN GO SOUL FULL-TIME AND PROMOTE IT PROPERLY.

YOU ARE THE CRAZIEST MOTHERFUCKER THAT I EVER LAID EYES ON.

LOOK, MAN. THIS COMEBACK THING IS FOR REAL. I'M TELLING YOU.

I JUST GOT A LITTLE ADVANCE NOW, BUT I GOT THIS WHOLE...

CRAZY CABLE TV PAY-PER-VIEW THING COMING UP.

I'M GONNA MAKE A PILE, MAN.

YOU BETTER TAKE THAT MONEY AND RUN.

LET THEM COME IN HERE AND PUT UP A DAMN BURRITO BARN AND BE DONE WITH IT.

WE CAN'T GIVE UP ON THE SOUL. THAT'S YOUR THING, MAN.

LOOK, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT WE PUT UP IN HERE.

MAN, I'LL PUT ON ROCK MUSIC, THAT TECHNOLOGICAL SHIT.

I WILL PERSONALLY PUT ON A KILT,

JUMP OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND DANCE A JIG TO THE BAGPIPES...

IF IT'LL PUT SOME CAKE IN THE REGISTER.

NOW, THAT I WILL PAY TO SEE.

SEE YA NEXT WEEK, PARTNER.

[ Woman ] WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

[ Man ] WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?

WE'RE ALWAYS ON THE LIST. OKAY ?

GIVE ME YOUR NAME.

I DON'T SEE YOUR NAME.

ALL RIGHT. UH, LET'S DO IT. THE SUBURBANS ARE BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, DO YA ?

WHAT ?

YOU GOTTA WAIT A COUPLE OF MINUTES, LET THE TENSION BUILD.

LET THEM STARE INTO THE LIMO AND TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHO'S INSIDE.

AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE BURSTING WITH ANTICIPATION,

WE LEAP OUT, DASH THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR,

GIVE 'EM JUST A GLIMPSE AND LEAVE THEM SCREAMING FOR MORE.

ROCK STAR 101, MY FRIEND.

RIGHT. YEAH, I FORGOT.

OF COURSE WE'RE NOT ON THE LIST.

WHY WOULD WE BE ON THE LIST ?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ? WE ARE THE SUBURBANS.

THE PARTY IS FOR US !

GO ON, BABY.

YOU'RE NOT ON THE LIST.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

[ Danny ] WE'LL WAIT IN THE CAR.

CHECK UNDER SUBHUMANS.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

* THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

EXCUSE ME. COMING THROUGH.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME, SIR.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE SECURITY THING. ** [ Continues ]

THEY GET A LITTLE RIGID AT THESE EVENTS.

OH, YEAH. NO, IT'S OKAY. IT WAS ONLY, LIKE, 40 MINUTES.

WELL, HANG OUT. YOU KNOW, HAVE FUN. TALK TO THE PRESS.

HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT ? HAVE SOMETHING TO DRINK. IT'LL LOOSEN YOU UP.

OH, NO, THANKS. I DON'T DRINK.

YOU NEVER DRINK AT ALL ?

LAST TIME I DRANK, I, UH, I FORGOT TO STOP FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS.

** [ Ends ] [ Cheering, Applauding ]

[ All Shouting, Overlapping ]

[ Cheering, Applauding Continue ]

CIGAR ? NO, THANKS.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGAR ?

UH, NO, THANKS. I'M, UH, I'M ON TO THE NEXT BIG THING.

YOU KNOW, TOBACCO SUPPOSITORIES ? IN FACT, I'M ENJOYING ONE NOW.

OH. [ Woman ] OH.

UH, WHERE'S GRACE ?

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE BY NOW.

RELAX. SHE WORKED LATE. SHE'LL BE HERE.

GRACE !

GRACE !

I'M-I'M WITH HIM.

UH, DANNY, THIS IS, UH, TITO,

THE SURFER THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

HELLO, DUDE. HOW DO YOU GO ?

I, UH, I GO FINE. AND YOU ?

SHE IS THE BEST, MAN.

SO BEAUTIFUL, AND MAKES SUCH EXCELLENT PICTURES TOO.

YOU'RE A BIG BASTARD !

[ Lara ] OH, KENNY !

[ Crying ]

IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

I'M SO SORRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE.

DID SOMETHING GO ON BETWEEN YOU AND RORY ?

NO. NO. RORY, HE'S JUST WONDERFUL.

HE'S BEEN SO GOOD TO US, TAKING CARE OF US,

WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THAT PIECE OF SHIT, CRAIG.

OH, CRAIG.

WH-WHAT HAPPENED ? IS HE BOTHERING YOU ?

I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM HIM YESTERDAY,

AND IT WAS SO WEIRD, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

'CAUSE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS RECOVERY AND HE APOLOGIZED FOR EVERYTHING.

WELL, HEY, LISTEN. MAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD GET TOGETHER FACE-TO-FACE AND TALK.

I'M AFRAID OF WHAT I WOULD DO IF I SAW 'IM.

GRACE, I KNOW THAT WE HAVEN'T KNOWN EACH OTHER VERY LONG AND ALL, BUT--

I'M WONDERING, WILL YOU BE MY MAID OF HONOR ?

ME ?

I GUESS. [ Stuttering ]

I MEAN, SURE. I--

[ Crying ]

I'D-- I'D BE FLATTERED. YES ? OKAY.

OH, I GET IT. I GET IT.

YOU AND THE THING. THEM. EVERYBODY IN BLUE, AND YOU'RE DOWN WITH THEM.

I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT. RIGHT. RIGHT.

YOU LOOK GREAT. THIS IS-- THIS IS LIKE, UH--

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MARKETING REPORT ?

I HAVE. I HAVE.

IT'S A LOT OF BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT MARKETING REPORT.

SOME GUY WITH A WEB SITE IN WEST HOLLYWOOD, YOU KNOW ?

SOME FUCKIN' PHILISTINE. DON'T KNOW SHIT FOR MUSIC, RIGHT ? [ Chuckles ]

TAKE THAT FUCKIN' MARKET REPORT, GET IT TO HELL ! [ Man ] OW !

GO TO LAPLAND WITH THAT FUCKIN' THING !

GET IT OUTTA HERE ! [ Man ] WATCH IT !

WE GOTTA GO WITH YOUR GUT ON THIS THING. TOTALLY.

THE FACT THAT SOME 14-YEAR-OLD KID IN INDIANA...

WANTS TO SIT IN HIS BASEMENT AND LISTEN TO MARILYN MANSON

PUT ON A DRESS AND PANTIES IS FINE.

OKAY, GREAT. BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO BUY THE SUBURBANS.

THEY DON'T THINK THE SUBURBANS ARE INTERESTING.

THEIR ZERO-AWARENESS LEVEL OF THE SUBURBANS MEANS NOTHING TO US, OKAY ?

I'M GOIN' WITH YOUR GUT. WE'RE SO DOWN WITH YOU ON THIS.

I MEAN, WE'RE RIDING YOUR JOCK ON THIS ONE.

WE'RE RIDING YOU.

OUR MONEY'S ON YOU, BABY. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

AND REALLY, I MEAN, I'M JUST-- THANK YOU.

AND I LOVE THAT YOU ARE OUT ON A LIMB WITH THIS--

THAT YOU'RE THE LITTLE KITTEN HANGING FROM THE POSTER THAT I HAD WHEN I WAS 14.

AND, YOU KNOW, "HANG IN THERE." OOH, KITTY.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I WANNA WATCH YOU HANG FROM THAT.

THANK YOU.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE B ROLL. IT'S GREAT.

THE B ROLL'S A VERY SIGNIFICANT THING. YEAH.

YOU WANT A HIT ? OH, I-I'M WORKING. THANK YOU.

OB-LA-DI. OB-LA-DA. YEAH, YEAH.

UH, THE VIDEO-- HUH ?

THE VIDEO IS GOING TO DO HUGE. I CROSS MY HEART.

OH, OKAY.

SHIT.

[ Tito Screaming, Indistinct ]

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM THERE.

I'M SURE HE'LL FIND A VINE AND SWING HIS WAY HOME.

WE NEED TO TALK.

WE NEED TO TALK ?

I THOUGHT YOU HATED THOSE WORDS.

LOOK, GRACE, I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS

THAT YOU BROUGHT YOUNG APPLE BOY OUT THERE...

SIMPLY AS SOME, LIKE, SEVENTH-GRADISH SCHEME TO TRY AND MAKE ME JEALOUS.

DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY THAT.

OF COURSE THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT HIM.

WHY WOULD I TRY TO DENY THAT ?

LOOK, I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO YOU LATELY,

BUT RIGHT NOW I JUST REALLY NEED TO FOCUS--

FOCUS ON YOUR CAREER ?

THEN WHEN YOU FIGURE THAT OUT AND GOT THAT UNDER CONTROL, THERE WILL BE TIME FOR ME.

AND WHEN IS THAT GONNA BE ? A MONTH ? SIX MONTHS ? A YEAR ? TEN YEARS ?

I'M RUNNING OUTTA TIME HERE, DANNY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS, THAT I HAVE BECOME THAT KIND OF WOMAN.

I LOVE YOU, DANNY, BUT I CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER FOR YOU TO GROW UP.

I AM NOT EVEN SURE THAT YOU WANT TO.

OH, I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP ? I'M NOT THE ONE RUNNING OUT THERE WITH TITO OF THE JUNGLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ? MAYBE HE SHOULD FATHER YOUR CHILD,

IF YOU DON'T MIND LIVING IN A TREE AND GETTING AROUND ON ELEPHANTBACK.

THAT'S SUPERIOR TO THE BULLSHIT GOIN' ON OUT THERE.

OH, REALLY ? YEAH, DAN.

I DO NOT WANT WHAT'S OUT THERE.

THAT IS NOT A WORLD THAT I WANT TO BE A PART OF.

EVERY CRAZY, DORMANT, SELF-ESTEEM DEVOURING...

HIGH SCHOOL INSECURITY COMES BACK TO LIFE ON STEROIDS IN THAT ENVIRONMENT.

I WANT A LITTLE SERENITY.

SO, YEAH.

MAYBE I SHOULD-- MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE TO BALI OR TASMANIA, OR BORNEO EVEN.

YEAH, I'LL MOVE TO BORNEO, AND I'LL DO ONE OF THOSE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC THINGS,

WHERE YOU LIVE WITH ANIMALS RIGHT IN YOUR GRASS HUT.

I'LL HAVE A LITTLE GIRL NAMED STARFISH, AND I'LL TAKE PICTURES OF, LIKE,

THE CROCODILES AND THE CHAMELEON MONSTER-LIKE THINGS

AND WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY HAVE.

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, STARFISH AND I WILL GO DOWN TO THE SEA,

AND WE'LL CATCH FISH WITH OUR TEETH AND WE'LL SUCK BARNACLES OFF THE ROCKS AND--

MARRY ME. WHAT ?

MARRY ME.

YOU WERE RIGHT. IT'S TIME TO GROW UP.

I WANNA GROW UP. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

I MEAN, I-- WHAT IS SO SCARY ABOUT BEING A FATHER ?

I MEAN, PEOPLE DO IT EVERY DAY WITH RECKLESS ABANDON, RIGHT ?

AW, DANNY. ARE YOU SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT ?

YES.

IF YOU WENT AWAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO.

[ Explosion ]

[ Electronic Beeping ]

HI. I'M KURT LODER WITH MTV NEWS.

MAKING MAJOR COMEBACK NEWS THIS WEEK ARE THE SUBURBANS...

WITH THE RERELEASE OF THEIR 1981 HIT "BY MY SIDE."

I CAUGHT UP HERE WITH THE BAND AT THE FUNKY NASSAU SOUL CLUB IN SKIMMERPOINT, LONG ISLAND,

WHERE SONGWRITER AND KEYBOARDIST DANNY MORAN IS A PART OWNER.

LET'S START BY TAKING A LOOK AT SOME OLD FOOTAGE WE'VE GOT HERE.

THIS IS YOUR LAST INTERVIEW BACK IN 1981.

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THE COMPARISON TO THE BEATLES ? I MEAN, LIVING UP TO THAT ?

I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE ONLY PUT OUT THE ONE RECORD SO FAR.

I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR EITHER, DICK.

I THINK WE'RE BETTER THAN THE BEATLES. RIGHT, GIRLS ?

[ Clark ] WELL, YOU'VE GOT CONFIDENCE GOING FOR YOURSELVES.

NOW, WHAT'S NEXT FOR THE SUBURBANS ?

I'M THINKIN' A SOUL RECORD.

WHAT'S A SOUL RECORD ?

WHAT WAS THE STORY ? WHY WAS THERE NO FOLLOW-UP TO YOUR FIRST ALBUM ?

UH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, I-- I WANTED TO MAKE A SOUL RECORD.

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THERE WERE MITCH'S LEGAL PROBLEMS.

I ALSO HAD SOME ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS THAT,

UH, RELATED TO THE EXCESSES OF THE PERIOD...

THAT I'M REALLY NOT COMFORTABLE DISCUSSING AT THE ELECTRONIC MEDIA LEVEL.

NOW, UH, YOU MENTIONED MITCH'S LEGAL PROBLEMS.

WE ACTUALLY HAVE A COPY OF THE INFAMOUS "MINI MART MOLESTER" TAPE. LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

** [ Rock ]

WOW. THAT MUST BRING BACK SOME MEMORIES, HUH ?

NOW, RORY, I KNOW YOU'VE EXPERIENCED SOME VERY DIFFICULT FINANCIAL TIMES.

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG ROAD BACK, BUT I'VE LEARNED SOME REALLY VALUABLE LESSONS.

GIL, I UNDERSTAND YOU ACTUALLY UNDERWENT TREATMENT FOR COMPULSIVE LYING ?

WHAT ?

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS IN THE PRESS RELEASE.

I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS. I-I SWEAR I DIDN'T.

YOU DIDN'T ?

NO, I DIDN'T.

OKAY, WELL, SORRY IF IT'S A PAINFUL SUBJECT.

BUT- BUT I--

LET'S MOVE ON, I GUESS. WE'LL JUST MOVE ALONG. SO--

YOU KNOW, LET IT OUT. THAT'S THE BEST THING. LET IT ALL OUT.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ACKNOWLEDGING OUR PROBLEMS

IS THE FIRST STEP TO SOLVING THEM.

SO--

SHUT UP, KURT LODER !

HOW DO YOU GUYS GET THAT EXCELLENT SUBURBAN SOUND IN THE STUDIO ? ANY SECRETS ?

YOU WANNA-- YOU WANNA FACE THE MIKE.

[ Announcer ] THEY HAD IT ALL, THEN SUNK TO THE BOTTOM.

DON'T MISS THIS HISTORICAL COMEBACK PERFORMANCE...

SEPTEMBER 9, SPONSORED BY G.M.C. SUBURBAN.

DANNY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, CATE ?

I MEAN, WHAT WAS THAT SHIT THAT YOU TRIED TO PULL WITH GIL ?

JUST TRYIN' TO GENERATE A LITTLE SYMPATHY, YOU KNOW ? EVERYBODY NEEDS A FLAW.

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ? IMPERFECTION IS THE NEW HOT THING EN VOGUE.

I DON'T CARE WHAT'S EN VOGUE. THESE ARE PEOPLE'S LIVES THAT YOU'RE MESSING WITH.

WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE UP HURTFUL SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE

JUST TO FURTHER YOUR CAREER ?

I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO HELP.

YEAH, TRYIN' TO HELP YOURSELF.

YOU AND YOUR COMPANY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US.

YOU JUST WANT TO MILK US DRY, AND THEN TOSS US BACK ON THE FESTERING--

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ?

I DID IT ALL FOR YOU.

HOLY SHIT.

I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU.

I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER ME.

I GOT YOUR AUTOGRAPH WHEN I WAS SEVEN.

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE--

YOU KNOW, I FINALLY GOT TO WHERE I COULD DO SOMETHING FOR YOU,

AND THEN I MET GRACE.

AND SHE'S PERFECT...

AND REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND VERY NICE.

AND I FUCKED IT ALL UP.

IT'S MY FAULT, AND NOW YOU HATE ME.

SHH. NOBODY HATES YOU. NOBODY HATES YOU.

SHH.

[ Clicks Tongue ] OH, GOD.

[ Groaning ]

WILL YOU PLEASE STOP DOING THAT ?

I HAD TO FIGHT SO HARD TO PUSH THIS THING THROUGH WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM ANYBODY.

MARKETING FIGURES ? SUCK.

EVERYONE'S AGAINST IT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

I KNOW THAT I CAN MAKE IT WORK. I KNOW I CAN.

WHO CARES WHY SHE DID IT ? THE FACT IS, CATE SET UP OUR COMEBACK.

NOW WE GOT A SHOT AT SUPERSTARDOM, AND YOU BETTER NOT DO ANYTHING TO BLOW IT !

NO ONE WANTS THE SUBURBANS. NO ONE CARES AT ALL. WE'RE PHONIES.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SOME LITTLE GIRL CRUSH GONE CRAZY.

GRACE WAS RIGHT. IT'S NOT GONNA LAST.

EVEN IF THAT'S TRUE, I'M GONNA BET ON CATE. I GOT NO OTHER CHOICE.

LISTEN, I KNOW GRACE MAY NOT BE INTO THIS,

BUT YOU CAN'T LET IT AFFECT YOUR JUDGMENT, MAN.

DON'T LET GRACE "YOKO" THE SUBURBANS.

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN MORE SUPPORTIVE.

IT'S JUST WEIRD, YOU KNOW ?

BUT EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE FALLING INTO PLACE,

JUST LIKE YOU SAID IT WOULD.

YOU GOT THE BAND BACK TOGETHER AND IT HAS HELPED WITH US,

AND, I DON'T KNOW, EVERYTHING'S--

EVERYTHING'S JUST GOOD.

YEAH. YOU KNOW ?

YEAH.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS ?

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH, I'M OKAY.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

[ Pleasurable Moaning ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Moaning Intensifies ]

[ Screaming ]

DANNY ?

[ Smacks Lips, Sighs ]

DANNY ?

YEAH ?

WHAT WAS THAT ?

WHAT ?

THAT... THING...

YOU JUST DID.

WHAT ? I, UH--

I, UH, HAD AN ORGASM.

I MEAN, WAS IT TOO SOON ? DID YOU NOT--

DANNY, I'VE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH YOU FOR 15 YEARS.

I CAN SAY WITH CONFIDENCE THAT I CAN PRETTY MUCH TELL WHEN YOU'RE GETTIN' OFF.

THAT THING YOU JUST DID, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.

WH-WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ?

YOU FAKED AN ORGASM.

WHAT ? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU FAKED AN ORGASM.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY LEVELS THAT HURTS ME ON ?

[ Sighs ]

SHIT.

I JUST WANT DIFFERENT THINGS, DANNY.

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE WANT DIFFERENT THINGS,

NO MATTER HOW LONG THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER.

THEY NEED TO ADMIT THAT...

TO THEMSELVES,

TO EACH OTHER.

OH, FUCK IT.

MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT, YOU KNOW ?

MAYBE YOU WERE TRYING TO TELL ME THIS AND I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR.

I WAS SO AFRAID THAT YOU DIDN'T WANNA...

HAVE BABIES WITH ME AND GROW OLD WITH ME,

THAT I JUST IMAGINED THAT YOU DID.

[ Sighs ]

IT'S BAD LUCK FOR YOU TO SEE THIS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

WELL, I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.

GRACE.

[ Tires Squealing ]

SHOULDA GOT LIGHT BEER.

[ Laughing ]

OH !

OH !

MAYBE HE FORGOT.

YEAH, MAYBE HE GOT IT CONFUSED WITH ANOTHER TECHNICAL REHEARSAL...

FOR ANOTHER COMEBACK TV SPECIAL WITH ONE OF HIS OTHER BANDS.

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING AGAIN, GOD. NOT NOW, PLEASE.

HIS PHONE'S OFF THE HOOK.

GOD, I HOPE NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM.

WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM ?

* LOOK UP TO THE SKY

* THE SUN HAS FALLEN DOWN

* WHERE

* LISTEN TO THE WIND BLOW THAT'S PRETTY.

* IT KEEPS CALLIN'

MY GOD, BEAUTIFUL.

* EVEN THOUGH I GOT SO TIRED * THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF.

* I STILL HANG OUT THIS IS GOOD STUFF. THAT'S ART.

* AND I SAY

* YOU NEED HER

[ Rory ] DANNY ? DANNY !

* AND I SAY

EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT. ALL SWIMMERS ACCOUNTED FOR.

DANNY, IT'S RORY. COME ON DOWN.

I NEED IT. YOU NEED IT. EVERYONE NEEDS IT. I NEED IT. STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

IT'S GOIN' STRAIGHT TO THE TOP.

OKAY, I GOTTA GO TO--

OH, SHIT. SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GET THAT. IT'S FOR CATE.

THAT'S THE REAL GOOD STUFF. THAT'S THE-- IT SHOULD BE PUBLISHED.

THAT SHOULD BE PUBLISHED. THAT'S THE REAL ART. I'M BETTING ON CATE.

OKAY, I GOT YA. I GOT YA. I GOT YA. GOT TO BET ON CATE.

I'M BETTIN' ON CATE. I'M BETTIN' ON CATE.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT YA.

[ Man ] STRAIGHT THROUGH THERE.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE [ Groans ]

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

HEY, LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND THERE.

UPSY-DAISY.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

WHICH ONE IS YOUR COPY ?

AND HE'S ALLERGIC TO CRABMEAT AND VANILLA PUDDING.

I'M GONNA WRITE THAT IN. [ Chuckles ] OKAY.

THANKS FOR DRIVIN' ME HOME.

OH, COME ON, CATE. OF COURSE.

I REALLY FUCKED THIS UP, DIDN'T I ?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HOLD ON. LET'S JUST FIGURE THIS OUT, OKAY ?

MITCH SAID THAT DANNY'S GONNA BE IN INTENSIVE DETOX FOR EIGHT DAYS.

NO COMMUNICATION, RIGHT ?

SO WE CAN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

WHAT IF HE GETS OUT, HE FINDS OUT THE SHOW'S OFF...

AND IT, LIKE, CRUSHES THE GUY AND IT SENDS HIM INTO ANOTHER TAILSPIN ?

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF HE CAN'T, YOU KNOW, OR HE DOESN'T WANT TO ?

I MEAN, THAT PUTS A LOT ON ME. THERE'S MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AT STAKE.

HE'S GONNA BE ABLE TO DO IT. TRUST ME.

SO YOU THINK HE'LL BE FINE BY THEN ?

LISTEN, NOBODY KNOWS THE GUY BETTER THAN ME.

SPEAKIN' OF WHICH, CATE,

I'M NOT THE KIND OF GUY TO INTRUDE IN OTHER PEOPLE'S PERSONAL AFFAIRS.

BUT IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING--

NO. GO AHEAD.

IT'S ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR DANNY.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL, BRIGHT, CHARMING GIRL.

BUT WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, WHAT PEOPLE WANT IS JUST TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

SO, WHILE YOUTH AND BEAUTY WILL ALWAYS BE APPEALING,

THE COMFORT OF TRUE COMPANIONSHIP IS WHAT WE'RE REALLY ALL LOOKING FOR.

WOW. THAT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

I KNOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID IT.

"FOR EVERYTHING LOVELY IS BUT A BRIEF, DREAMY, KIND DELIGHT."

YEATS.

THAT'S NOT BAD EITHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT ? YOU'RE RIGHT.

I JUST LET MY EMOTIONS GET CARRIED AWAY. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ?

I AM GONNA BOUNCE BACK, I'M GONNA FIND SOMEONE,

AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE ONE OF THOSE REBOUND THINGIES AND THEN MOVE ON.

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE *

[ Man ] SPONSORED BY IGLOO COOLERS, S.T.P., QUAKER STATE MOTOR OIL,

MRS. BUTTERWORTH'S SYRUP, DUNCAN HINES, POND'S, Q-TIPS AND L'EGGS.

LOOK, IF YOU TAKE AWAY ONE THING FROM THE SEA BREEZE REHABILITATION CENTER,

IT'S THAT IT'S ONE DAY AT A TIME.

IT'S ALL ABOUT LIVIN' IN THE NOW. NOW ! DID YOU SEE IT ?

NOW ! OH, THERE IT IS AGAIN. NOW ! NOW ! NOW !

DID YOU SEE IT ? NO.

EXACTLY MY POINT. YOU DON'T SEE THE NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE LIVING IN IT.

YOU DON'T TRY TO ANALYZE. YOU DON'T TRY TO GET BEHIND IT OR AHEAD OF IT.

YOU JUST LIVE IN IT. YOU LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

YOU FOLLOW ME ? YOU DON'T OBSESS ABOUT THE PAST OR THE FUTURE.

YOU JUST LIVE PEACEFULLY RIGHT HERE IN THE NOW.

IN THE NOW.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M STARTIN' TO FOLLOW YOU, MAN.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS A LITTLE HOKEY,

BUT THERE'S REALLY SOMETHING...

TO THIS PROGRAM STUFF THAT'S REALLY HELPFUL.

IT'S KIND OF HARD TO SWALLOW AT FIRST,

BUT IT'S REALLY GIVEN ME A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE.

[ Kenny Laughing ] [ Rory ] GIVE ME THAT ! GIVE ME THAT !

KENNY, GIVE ME THAT.

PLEASE DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT THE CHILDREN !

HAPPY WEDDING DAY, HONEY.

COULD YOU GIVE THE KIDS A BATH ? I NEED TO GET READY.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON. WE GOT A BATH. GET IN THE TUB. LET'S GO.

YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER !

LISTEN, I MAY NOT BE YOUR REAL FATHER,

BUT I'M GONNA BE THE ONE THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU GUYS FROM NOW ON.

OKAY ? SO PLEASE, GET IN THE BATHTUB.

LARA !

IF YOU WANT, I'LL BE YOUR SPONSOR...

AND TELL YOU WHERE THE MEETINGS ARE AND STUFF,

AND JUST BE THERE TO, YOU KNOW, TALK ANYTIME.

SERIOUSLY, I'VE BEEN THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH.

I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP, MAN.

LISTEN, I GOTTA SPLIT. I GOT A CAB COMING TO PICK ME UP.

I GOTTA GO TO MY FRIEND'S WEDDING.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO A WEDDING ?

WOW. IT'S NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU TO GO TO AN EVENT...

WHERE THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF, YOU KNOW, BOOZE, ALONE.

WHERE IS IT ?

LLOYD HARBOR. YOU KNOW THE AREA ?

KNOW THE AREA ? I'M FROM HUNTINGTON.

NO SHIT ?

HEY, YOU KNOW, I GOTTA GO OVER THAT WAY. I'LL GO WITH YA...

AND MAYBE HANG OUT FOR A BIT, YOU KNOW, IF IT'S COOL.

UH, JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE FEELING OKAY.

UH, WELL, YOU-- YOU SURE DON'T MIND ?

I MEAN, REALLY ? NO. NO. IT'LL BE FUN, REALLY.

LET'S GO.

HONEY, THIS PACKAGE JUST CAME FOR YOU.

MA ! * THE LADY WALKED RIGHT BY

* AND I COULD SEE A LITTLE TEAR IN HER EYE *

* THE FUNNY FACES MADE ME SMILE *

* AND FORGET MY TROUBLES FOR A LITTLE WHILE *

* AND I LONGED TO BE LIKE THEM *

* AND NOT LIKE ME

* I'M SO TORTURED

** [ Continues ] [ Cate's Voice ] "DEAR GRACE,

"I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE TROUBLE I'VE CAUSED.

"I'VE MADE SOME RADICAL ERRORS IN JUDGMENT LATELY.

"I'M TALKING MAJOR LAPSES OF COMMON SENSE.

"ANYWAY, I'VE LEARNED AT LEAST ONE THING,

"AND THAT IS THAT DANNY REALLY, REALLY LOVES YOU.

"HE GAVE ME YOUR BOOK PROPOSAL,

"AND THE PUBLISHING DIVISION TOTALLY FLIPPED FOR IT.

"AND I CAN SEE WHY-- YOU'RE BASICALLY A GENIUS.

"NOW, THIS IS JUST A MOCK-UP AND SOME IDEAS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER.

"EITHER WAY, I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS. I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY AMAZING.

LOVE, CATE." * I LONG TO BE LIKE YOU

* AND NOT LIKE ME

* I'M SO TORTURED AND YOU'RE SO FREE *

* SAY, BUT YOU CAN'T WALK ON A HIGH WIRE *

* YOU CAN'T TAME YOUR LIONS *

* AND YOU'RE NOT FUNNY AT ALL *

* YOU'RE VERY SMALL

* AND I MET UP WITH A LION TAMER *

* WE HAD AN AFFAIR IT WAS QUITE AN AFFAIR *

* AND I TOLD HIM MY FANTASY **

** [ Organ ]

GREAT. GOOD LUCK.

IS THIS THE RUBENSTEIN BRIS ?

HEY.

YOU MADE IT. WE WEREN'T SURE IF YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE.

YOU ALL RIGHT ? YEAH. YEAH. I'M ALL RIGHT.

WELCOME BACK. DO YOU WANNA GET INTO THIS TUX HERE ?

UH, GUYS, I KNOW THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME OR THE PLACE,

REALLY, TO GO INTO THIS, BUT I'M LIVIN' IN THE NOW, NOW.

SO, I JUST- I DON'T-- I CAN'T HOLD ANYTHING BACK, OKAY ?

I DID A LOT OF THINKING AND SOUL-SEARCHING OUT THERE IN THE REHAB,

AND I MADE A LOT OF REALLY IMPORTANT DECISIONS.

AND I GOTTA TELL YOU THAT I JUST--

I CAN'T DO THIS COMEBACK THING, MAN. I CAN'T.

WHAT ?

I-I CAN'T DO IT, MAN. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT. THANK GOD YOU SAID THAT.

UH, I-I CAN'T DO IT EITHER.

MY COMPANY'S STOCK DROPPED 18 POINTS SINCE WE DID THE MTV THING.

AND, UH, I MEAN, JULES, HE WENT OFF THE DIAL.

[ Rory ] AW, SHIT. WHO AM I KIDDING ?

DO I LOOK LIKE A ROCK STAR ? ANYBODY ?

YOU REALLY DON'T.

MITCH, I KNOW THAT YOU WANTED THIS MORE THAN ANY OF US, MAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YA. I JUST- MAYBE WE JUST GOT LUCKY, THAT'S ALL.

WE WERE A ONE-HIT WONDER, MAN. I MEAN, NO--

THERE ARE PROBABLY, LIKE,

A LOT MORE TALENTED PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT DESERVE THE SHOT.

DON'T YOU THINK ?

MAYBE I DON'T HAVE A GREAT TALENT. I'LL TELL YA SOMETHING,

I'M NOT GONNA LET A LITTLE THING LIKE THAT STAND IN MY WAY.

AND I UNDERSTAND YOU GUYS WANT A NICE, NORMAL LIFE. IT'S NOT FOR ME.

SO, I'M OUTTA LUCK WITH THE SUBURBANS.

I'LL GET ANOTHER SHOT. I'LL TELL YA SOMETHIN'.

I AM NEVER, EVER, EVER... GONNA GIVE UP.

WELL, I'M TOTALLY BEHIND YOU, MAN.

I MEAN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO TO HELP YOU, MAN, JUST SAY IT.

I'M TOTALLY BEHIND YA TOO. I'M STILL QUITTING, BUT I'M TOTALLY BEHIND YOU.

[ Rory ] WHAT ?

I JUST- I MEAN, "THANK YOU" DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT.

I MEAN, IF YOU HADN'T PICKED ME UP AND THROWN ME IN THAT REHAB,

I MIGHT STILL BE-- HOLD IT ! HOLD IT !

LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHIN' HERE, ALL RIGHT ?

IT WAS MITCH THAT TECHNICALLY TOOK YOU TO THE REHAB ITSELF.

I MEAN, WE ALL FOUND YOU, BUT IT WAS MITCH.

RORY, WE'RE READY FOR YOU NOW.

MITCH TOOK ME ?

I-I, UH-- I HAD TO DRIVE CATE HOME.

WHAT ?

HE DROVE CATE HOME AND WASN'T HEARD FROM TILL THE NEXT MORNING.

LARA MUST HAVE CALLED ABOUT TEN TIMES.

MITCH, I CAN'T GO INTO THAT RIGHT NOW, OBVIOUSLY.

INTO WHAT, RORY ? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN WITH CATE ?

NO LYING IN CHURCH, RORY. REMEMBER, IT'S HELL AND DAMNATION.

** [ Organ ] MITCH !

GUYS, COME ON !

RORY, WHAT IS HE SAYING ?

** [ "Wedding March" ]

[ All Gasping ]

AW, SHIT.

SHE WAS REALLY UPSET ABOUT YOU.

I TRIED TO COMFORT HER, AND THINGS GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

I KIND OF LOST MYSELF.

ARE YOU SERIOUS ?

WELL, WHAT ABOUT LARA ? DOES SHE KNOW ?

NO.

WELL, THEN YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED THEN.

YOU'D BE STARTING OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR LIFE ON A LIE, RORY.

I HAD A MOMENTARY EPISODE OF INSANITY.

YOU HAD A MOMENTARY EPISODE OF REALITY, RORY. THIS IS THE INSANITY.

I'M GETTING MARRIED, AND I NEED YOU TO SUPPORT ME IN THIS NOW, DAN.

IT'S TOO LATE.

BE SEATED.

** [ Ends ]

DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY--

LARA !

CRAIG ! [ Crying ]

YEAH !

DADDY ! DADDY ! DADDY ! DADDY !

[ Screaming ]

THAT'S CRAIG ?

DADDY ! DADDY !

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE ?

I BROUGHT HIM. I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW I BROUGHT HIM.

I'M SORRY. LOOK, I'LL EXPLAIN IN A SECOND.

[ Rory ] WHAT ABOUT THE RING ?

[ Danny ] OKAY, GRACE.

YOU MAY NOT WANNA HEAR ANY OF THIS RIGHT NOW, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DON'T,

BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT NOW.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT I HAVE EVER FELT OR KNOWN.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO, BECAUSE IF IT'S WITH YOU, THEN I KNOW I'M SUCCESSFUL.

I LOVE YOU, AND I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU.

I JUST WANNA LIVE IN THE HUT AND GO DOWN TO THE SEA

AND SUCK BARNACLES WITH YOU AND STARFISH.

DANNY, I-I WANNA BELIEVE YOU. I DO.

BUT WHY IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST TIME ?

STAY RIGHT HERE. DON'T MOVE.

EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY. PLEASE, UM, CAN YOU REMAIN SEATED ?

THERE'S BEEN A SLIGHT CHANGE, OBVIOUSLY. UM, THANK YOU.

** [ Organ ]

[ Woman ] CONGRATULATIONS !

[ Man ] GOOD LUCK, GRACE !

YEA ! WHOA !

[ Laughing ]

KENNY ! KENNY !

[ Woman #1 ] IT'S MINE. [ Woman #2 ] GET OVER HERE. GET THAT KID.

[ Rory ] NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, MITCH.

THAT'S NOT CONSIDERED A UNIFORM.

THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, MITCH.

MITCH ! MITCH !

** [ Rock ]

* I WALK ALONG THE AVENUE

* I NEVER THOUGHT I'D MEET A GIRL LIKE YOU *

* MEET A GIRL LIKE YOU

* WITH AUBURN HAIR AND TAWNY EYES *

* THE KIND OF EYES THAT HYPNOTIZE ME THROUGH *

* HYPNOTIZE ME THROUGH

* AND I RAN I RAN SO FAR AWAY *

* I JUST RAN

* I RAN ALL NIGHT AND DAY I COULDN'T GET AWAY **

** [ Rock ]

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING OVER ME *

* HEAR YOUR VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD *

* I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT

* PLEASE LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN *

* I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN *

* MAKE ME FEEL ALL RIGHT

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* I NEED YOU NOW

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* I DON'T CARE HOW

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE IT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* I WONDER IF YOU REALIZE

* YOU'RE WHAT I'VE BEEN DREAMIN' OF *

* CAN'T YOU SEE THE LIGHT

* YOU THOUGHT I WAS JUST ANOTHER GUY *

* BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL STAY

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* ALL NIGHT AND DAY

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE IT'S WHERE I BELONG *

* AND I KNOW BETTER THAN HE TOLD YOU *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT WHEN I HOLD YOU *

* DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU BELONG TO ME *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING OVER ME *

* YOU'RE WHAT I'VE BEEN DREAMIN' OF *

* WON'T YOU SEE THE LIGHT

* I HEAR YOUR VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD *

* BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU NOW *

* TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* CAN'T YOU SEE ME

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* IS WHERE YOU BELONG

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL BE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* CAN'T YOU SEE ME

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE THAT'S WHERE YOU BELONG *

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE

* RIGHT BY MY SIDE *