Original subtitles

It isn't as flashy as some of the places, but we pride ourselves on being classier.

- The crack's real. - We call this our earthquake cottage.

Mrs Porter had occupancy then, during the big one in '33.

- Property damage ran into millions. - Would you fix it if I stay awhile?

No, this is our show-place! Mrs Porter wouldn't let us touch that wall.

She worked that sampler herself to cover the hole.

- All righty, I hope you'll be happy here. - Thank you.

No, you stupid bastards! Stage nine!

Right, take her away. Easy now, easy!

- You can't smoke when I'm doing this. - It's the first one of the morning.

You, let's go, please. Come on.

- Come on, come on, come on! - Who needs to get up at 6.30 a. M?

Let's go! Up, up, up! Get ready.

All right, everybody in places!

Everybody works! All the extras line up in front of me over here.

Everyone over here! All the extras, everybody up! Line up over here.

- Get back... - You, right up on the steps!

You! Come on, come on! You, up on the steps, quick!

You, go on!

All right, you. You. Yeah, you, too. You with the moustache, up.

On the steps and on the balcony you know where you were. Your first position.

It's the crummiest costume I've ever seen.

- OK! - Hurry it up, hurry it up! Come on!

Take it up to number one.

All right, I said come on! Get into number one position!

Boys, let's get the camera back to the high position.

Get in position for the shot. Let's go, quick!

Number one positions!

Everyone not working in the shot, leave the set now! Everybody off!

That's it.

Right, take it up to number one.

Come on, get in your positions!

I said keep it quiet in back of this camera!

Roll the camera.

- 93, take 5! - And action!

The Baron and Baroness Klaus von Darmstadt.

Sir Soames and Lady Ursula Ogle.

The Countess of Huschgroo...

Their Excellencies, Monsieur et Madame Echeverrie.

Prince Karl and Princess Helena of Regensburg.

The Baron and Baroness Doybans of Luxembourg.

Prince Simbrun Aruba of Zanzibar.

Lord and Lady Deleon of Kittenden.

John Jacob Lloyd, Rector of Jocksbridge.

Sir Sebastian Sinclair and Lady Bartholomew de Lancer.

The Maharajah and Maharani...

Come, puss, come, puss!

Mama don't want no peas no rice No cocoanut oil

Mama don't want no peas no rice No cocoanut oil

Mama don't want no peas no rice Mama don't want no cocoanut oil

Keeps a bottle of brandy Handy all the day

Come on up and see me some time, big boy!

Adore! Adore, where are you? Adore!

What do you think you're doing?

You're a mess! Give me that! Two weeks to get an interview and look at you!

- Turn off the goddam water. - You go around!

- Why should I, for Christ's sake? - Mind your tongue! Christians live here!

- Who am I? A nigger? - Bye, Daddy!

Car fare! Daddy, I forgot car fare.

Why should I lay out money for you? You worked two days last week.

Odlesh, you idiot! I should make you pay for my cleaning! I'm all soaked!

You punk!

- Hi. - Good morning.

- Got a car? - No, I don't.

- In this town it's a necessity. - Yeah, I know.

- Where are you going? - Paramount.

Damn! Can't even share a cab.

Bye!

Goodbye.

Morning, Mr Hackett.

Good morning.

Do it now.

Do it nicely. Front and back. Did you do it? Go on.

12 pads... What else?

India ink. We need a lot of ink.

Why are we ordering all this crap? They don't even know we're here.

That's how we get away with it.

Litho crayons...

- Give me dozens of litho crayons. - Dozens of litho crayons.

Yeah, hello?

Yeah, I'm calling about the Chevrolet convertible advertised in the paper.

What year is it? '31.

It says for $50, right?

- Morning, kids. - Morning, Mr Grote.

Good news. Sorry about this. We're so crowded.

- Could you sign this requisition? - You asked for an idea for that cartoon.

Yes. Now the good news. I finally found one opening in the drafting department.

I think... O'Neill.

- O'Neill? - Can you tell us how long it'll be?

Last week you said we'd all be assigned to art directors.

If there's nothing to do, why do we come?

You're getting paid. How many kids your age can say that? It's better than relief.

Keep up the good work, boys.

On a very clear day, ladies and gentlemen,

you'll be able to see Catalina Island right out there in the ocean.

Catalina Island, ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I'd like to direct your attention to this imposing erection

constructed for a real-estate promotion that collapsed in the great crash of 1929.

The same year, Camille McRae,

1929 Clam Queen of Pismo Beach,

came to Hollywood in search of beauty and romance.

I'd adore an ice-cream cone. Chocolate, with lots of little chocolate sprinkles.

OK.

In 1932 Camille drove for the last time into the hills of Hollywood,

left her Model T Ford and climbed painfully,

hand over hand, up the ladder you can see at the rear of the great H.

Each of the unlucky 13 letters stand 5 storeys tall,

a mammoth metal monument to this Mecca of broken dreams.

At the top, she shed everything but her undies and leapt to her death!

She landed in this cactus bed and lived for several weeks, a human pin cushion.

Naked she was born...

You wouldn't believe the way I am about chocolate.

- You know what? - What?

When I was little, I locked myself in a bakery truck and ate all the chocolate.

Isn't that hysterical?

Sometimes, no kidding,

I'd stay in my room all day, stuff myself with chocolate and make up stories.

I make up stories all the time. Want to hear one?

Sure.

OK.

Hey, that's not fair!

You should warn me. Now hold this.

OK, there's these two beautiful twin sisters

and they're identical, except one's good and one's bad.

The good one is set to marry this rich handsome boy.

The bad one's jealous, puts poison in her pancakes and puts her in hospital

so she can take the good one's place at the wedding.

There's more but... Anyway, suddenly the good one shows up at the church

and she says, "No, no! I'm the real one!" But no one can tell.

So he has to kiss them both, see which one kisses the way he remembers...

You're not listening.

Yes, I am. I was just watching their faces.

You're funny.

Hey! Want to see me in a movie?

- When? - Now.

- Where? - Glendale.

I have to meet this friend of mine who's in it too, but you can come.

I have a speaking part. The assistant director picked me out of all the girls.

- Who's your friend? - I play this sexy harem girl.

He's a cowboy. Earle Shoop.

- Up, Ali! - You mean, "Allez-up!"

- You too? - Later.

Look, Baba!

It's pretty soon. Cigarette me.

Match me.

There! There it is!

- There's more. - Why are you so mad?

I just found out what a heel is.

Ali Baba!

There!

They ruined it.

Cut out the best part.

I said, "Allah, be merciful!"

These are important scenes to history.

It stinks, doesn't it? Tell me honestly.

- You look great. - I did look OK, didn't I?

Didn't see your handsome profile, Earle.

I was covered in one of them sheets, that's why. I worked three days.

Why, that's me!

Listen...

...you don't suppose we could steal it, could we?

Hey, what are you doing? You're smashing my property!

Come back here! I'm going to call the police!

Hollywood!

Hey, hey, hey!

- Earle's taking us all for hamburgers. - You know I'm flat.

You big dope! I'm fed up with you sponging.

- I'm working a rodeo Saturday. - It's always the same story with you.

This time you'll have to walk home.

Thanks for leaving the lights on!

Pop?

Daddy!

Changed my mind about that drink.

Pop's not home yet.

Let me get some of... this out of the way.

Hope you like Scotch.

I prefer champagne.

- Hasn't she fixed that wall yet? - I like it.

- Grows on you. - You're funny.

Here's to it.

Got a radio? Can we have some music?

Sure.

- Do you need this? - God! Don't remind me.

If you don't like it, I'd like it. You're my first movie star.

Shall I sign it?

Yeah, that'd be nice. Thank you.

"Affectionately yours, Faye Greener".

- God, who's that? - Why?

I hate people with thin lips.

People with thin lips are mean. That's true. I read that somewhere.

That's my father.

Shut my mouth!

He's really a very kind man.

You wouldn't want to draw me. I don't have all those lines.

- You have lines. You have lots of lines. - Where?

The line of your cheekbone, the line of your neck...

...the line of your shoulder...

...your back.

You're all lines...

...changing lines as the light changes.

God knows when he'll show. When he starts boozing it up...

If you don't want to be alone you could stay here.

You don't think I'm just a dumb blonde?

I think I'm in love with you.

Please hold me,

just hold me.

Daughter?

- Pop's home. - Daughter!

I gotta go.

- Bye, everybody! - Bye!

Goddammit, look happy!

If the director says cry, you're supposed to cry. Want me to teach you?

Want me to teach you how to cry?

Shut up!

- Pick it up! - No!

Adore, how dare you do this to me!

Adore, come here this minute! Adore!

Mr Estee!

- Mr Estee, my name's Hackett... - This is hardly the moment.

Tod Hackett from Yale. Have you looked at my portfolio?

- Sorry, Mr Estee. - I'm from Yale.

- Yes, sir, I know. - "Boola, Boola!"

We'll talk in the morning. I know you want to get home.

- Did you look at my work? - I did, as a matter of fact.

He can try some production sketches. What do you know about Waterloo?

Isn't he clever? Look, Mary! I told you one day we'll be proud to know him.

I need one more of you. Mary, do you have to go?

- Central Casting... Mary Dove. - We could have dinner.

I'm on a diet.

- Or go dancing. - I promised her. Do you know what?

- What? - You need a shave.

- I gotta go. - Shall I wait in the car?

- Yeah. Just a minute, OK? - Sure.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

The feature starts at 7.10 and we don't want to miss the cartoons.

Whoa there, palsy walsy!

- What happened? - Nothing happened. I like you a lot.

- I love you. - Don't spoil it.

- I love you. - Don't say that.

It's true.

- Love's special. - Yes, it is.

Don't make me hurt you. You're very kind and clever.

But I could only let a really rich man love me.

I could only love someone criminally handsome.

Please try to understand.

That's how I am. I'm sorry.

- Do you mind if I? - They're rough. I concentrated on faces.

You know, camp followers, peasants, watching the battle, waiting for blood.

Women at Waterloo? Is that in the script?

There were women at Waterloo. I found that in research.

Put a little sex in. Boola, Boola! I'll buy that.

- Found a place to live? - San Bernardino Arms.

- Comfortable? - It's sort of early earthquake.

I like that, "early earthquake". Hollywood is a disaster area.

- Got a girl? - There's a girl at the San Berdoo.

- Sounds like a cowboy song. - That's Faye.

The Tin Pan Alley tune you can't get out of your head.

Why not come by for dinner this evening? Are you free?

Bring her along if you like.

No, I'll come alone. Thank you.

I like your work. You're probably a little too facile for your own good.

That can be an advantage out here. Let's give it a try.

About 7.00, then. We're going on to a sporting house to see some stag reels.

Fine.

Aren't we fancy? Must be going some place incredibly important.

Just my boss.

Old friends aren't important enough for your boss.

Don't apologise. I understand.

Hollywood parties! Puke!

Bye now.

Goodnight, Miss Greener.

Come along, Froufrou, here we go!

Champagne for eight. Five, six, seven, eight...

Excuse me, please.

Froufrou, that's a good dog.

- Claude! - Audrey, darling!

Alice, how nice to see you again. Do all come in.

I was saying only yesterday that the Estees are my favourite couple.

For your collection, Audrey, a small token of our esteem.

How charming. So thoughtful of you.

What a fantastic room!

I shall call it Wally.

What delights have you for us?

- I want Scotch. - We'll stay with the wine.

Audrey bores me.

I want to go to the Clover Club.

- I have an early call. - OK, get ready. Here it comes.

In any other town, Audrey would be running a successful lending library.

- Focus! - Focus it.

- Le Predicament de Ch�rie. - It's got the French maid. I've seen this.

- She's flat-chested! - You should talk!

- Knock, knock! - It looks like fun.

It's Papa is who it is. She's gotta hide. I've seen it.

You've seen it six times too, yes!

- He's not hitting her. There's no marks. - I saw a stretch mark.

She'll end up with Papa.

Oh, why do they always have their socks on?

Looks like Tod!

There's no real sensuality.

- It's all so slap bang. - So to speak.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I must pee.

Do you gamble? I want you to take me to the Clover Club.

Joan's coming, aren't you, dear?

I better help her.

She has varicose veins.

I wonder where they found her.

- Oh, look! - Yes, you see they're all together...

- Oh, the film broke! - We want our money back.

Just when things were getting interesting!

I've seen it six times. I can tell you everything...

- That's all you ever do is see this. - Did you see this Hedy Lamarr movie?

Oh, yes! I saw that one twice.

Oh, yes, yes, Harold's friend.

11 o'clock'll be fine.

What hotel are you at? I'm sorry. I ought to remember that, yes.

Yes, what room? 405.

Of course. The arrangements are always the same.

Tod!

Claude! The film's starting!

Claude, you remember the girl I was telling you about at the San Berdoo?

Well, her best friend Mary Dove works here.

I was wondering if you could ask Audrey if Faye Greener works here too.

Audrey doesn't know her. She'll ask Mary.

If your little friend's available, you'll hear from her.

What's your phone number? Don't worry. What's your number?

Hollywood 9742.

Jesus!

- You can't sleep here. - The hell you say!

You'll catch cold.

You bitch! Open this door before I freeze my balls off!

- You'll wake everybody up! - You dirty...! Open this up!

- You...! - Ma'am, please!

You white trash, you!

Caterpillar pecker!

Let's go to your place, Hackett. I need a drink.

That's what I get for fooling around with four-bit broads. All slut, a yard wide!

I'll tell you, no quiff gives Abe the fingeroo!

Not when I can get her leg broke for $20 and I got 20!

If you hadn't have come along, she would have got it.

- Forget it. - Forget it? Forget nothing!

I remember those who do me dirt and those who do me favours.

- You play the ponies? - Sometimes.

Tragopan in the fifth at Tanforan.

Answer the phone, you bitch!

Tragopan!

- Stop, thief! That's my radio! - Oh, be quiet!

That's my radio! Come back here, you thief!

Shut up out there, you goddam dwarf! You pygmy, shut up!

Or I'll come out and beat you down with a mousetrap.

What the hell is in there? A gentleman can't sleep.

Who called, Faye?

Faye?

Faye! Who was that?

Daughter!

- Sweetheart! - Yes!

I shall be working the east side of Pinyon Canyon this morning

in case my agent finds it imperative to call me.

Hi. Have a good time last night?

Hollywood parties!

My friend Mary Dove phoned me.

I'm late!

- Morning, Harry. - How are you?

Hey, hey, hey! You dropped a nickel.

The damn pigeons!

- You want me to drop you some place? - That's neighbourly. What happened?

- I really tied one on, I guess. - I guess so.

I really did.

This is...

Well...

...I'm on!

Hello, suckers, here I come!

So long, Harry.

Don't let them get you down!

Little lady, how do you do? I'd like to entertain you for a moment or two.

I'll sing and I'll dance, and I'll take a chance

to sell a little bottle of magic to you.

Jesus!

- Miracle solvent! - No, thanks.

Are you interested in magic, sir? Of course you are. Watch this, sir.

That's magic.

That is magic, sir. That's magic, sir.

Magic is what I'm selling.

I'm selling Miracle magic.

Miracle! Sir...

Hello, little lady, how do you do?

Let me tell you about Miracle solvent.

The name's Harry Greener.

I'm going to give you absolutely free a genuine bottle of Miracle solvent.

Just give me 25 cents to cover costs, two bits, a quarter.

- They only cost half that in the store. - What? That?

Take it for nothing.

- Maybe this is a better polish. - No, keep your money. I won't take it...

Please stop.

Stop! Stop, please.

I'm late... Olive oil.

On time?

Wait a minute... wait a minute...

Help.

Do you have any spirits...

...in the house?

- Is my father in there? - Faye.

- Now what's the matter? - He's had a fit.

I've been badly taken. This gentleman let me stay here a minute.

Simpson, Homer Simpson.

Faye Greener. How do you do?

Charmed.

Speak to me, Daddy.

Don't give me that phoney Camille bit. On your feet!

I can't, honey.

- Please let him rest there. - Yes, of course.

It's his heart. I've begged him to see a specialist, but you men are all alike.

He ought to go to a doctor.

When he didn't come home for lunch I began to worry.

- I was making salmon salad for lunch. - Salmon salade with mayonnaise!

I adore it. Let me help.

Oh, just move in? Can I use your phone?

Yes.

Makes me hungry just to look.

- Central Casting. - Faye Greener.

- Nothing for you today. - Thank you.

My father really isn't a pedlar you know. He's an actor.

My mother was an actress, a dancer, before she ran away.

- The theatre is in our blood. - I never saw very many shows.

I'm going to be a big star some day.

It's my whole life.

It's... very daring, I know, but it's the only thing in the world I want.

- It's good to know what you want. - If I'm not...

I bet I know what you'd like.

I bet you'd like some ice cream. I could phone the drugstore and get it sent over.

- Please don't. - It's no trouble.

I'll get fat.

I can get very fat.

Do you think fat women will be popular next year? I don't.

I think it's just publicity for Mae West.

- Laughter! - You OK, Pop?

Fine and dandy, baby. I'm as lively as a flea, as the fella said.

Nice place you got here. Are you married?

Daddy!

I'd be scared living in a big place like this alone.

- Ever think of taking in boarders? - That's enough, Daddy. Thank you.

You did a Christian deed and God will reward you, son.

Please look us up. We're just down at the San Berdoo.

- Don't forget your bottle of Miracle. - I nearly did forget. Thank you.

Thank you.

OK now, Daddy?

Tod!

Tod!

Tod, come to the door!

Come to the door! Come on!

I'm glad you're home. I'm scared! I think he's dying!

Did you ever hear anybody dying?

What does a death rattle sound like? Have you heard one?

God, the way he's breathing, it woke me up! Who did you hear?

My mother.

Daddy, are you OK?

- Speak to me. - Is that Faye?

Yeah.

- Is it Tod? - Yeah, yeah.

Everybody.

Who the hell is minding the delicatessen?

You ain't rid of me yet.

Stop that!

Don't laugh, Daddy!

Stop that!

Shut up!

Shut up or I'll sing!

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those peepers?

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those eyes?

Gosh, all git up...

Shut up!

All right, all right!

God, what a phoney! Everything about him's a fake!

I had to hit him.

I had to.

God, I look awful.

He laughs that way just to drive me wild.

I have to stop him. He's crazy.

He's sick.

No, he's crazy. We Greeners are all crazy.

Oh, God, let me out of here!

I can't stand all that wheezing and whining.

Eyes following me, blaming me.

Why don't you move out?

What can I do?

He can't get along without me.

You having trouble, son? Take it out and put it in her hand.

This is Hermano. He's a five-time winner.

And Pepe, still a stag, but I'll fight him next week in Pedro.

This is Jujula, my champ. A murderer, this guy. Speedy, and how!

Hey, muchacho!

Haul your ass over here. Food's done... And bring a bottle!

- She's the hen. - For them all?

She don't complain.

- Look out! - You leave her alone!

- Tod! - You want it? Come here!

- Get away! - Come here, you bitch!

- No! - Come here!

- No! Get away! - Lay down!

You bastard! Get off me!

- No! - Come here!

- Come here, you bitch! - Get off me!

Shut up!

No! Tod!

- Bitch! - No, please!

You remember Lee. He was very funny, but he used to drink a lot.

It never hurt his act, but one night...

I brought a lamp for Harry. I thought it'd be nice.

- Hello, son. Welcome. - I thought I'd brighten your place up.

I want you to meet the Lee Sisters and these are the Gingos. They're Eskimos.

- Rub your nose with my pal. - Nice to meet you.

- How about some Eskimo herring? - From Greenblatt's Delicatessen!

- No, thanks. - That's all right.

The studio brought them down here for retakes. They've been here ever since.

Ah, my spotlight!

- Calling Central Casting? - Silly!

I'm calling Audrey Jennings.

- I'm sorry. It was dumb... I was drunk. - How many days? When's make-up?

I feel like hell about the whole thing.

Could you answer the door?

Thanks. Bye.

How he'd have loved these bones if he was only here!

I'm... Homer Simpson.

Thank you!

...all the Minsky boys say, you know, to all the slaves around here, begin a...

- What's a "Homer Simpson"? - A grateful customer.

That Miracle solvent really fetches them, doesn't it?

I caught you, spy! Nazi spy!

Are you with us, brothers and sisters of the silent congregation,

out there by your radios?

Let us hear from you!

Dial for Jesus!

Let those phones start ringing right now.

Praise God!

Hallelujah!

Let those joyous bells ring out like the harps of Heaven.

Glory!

Hallelujah!

I do not want to hear

the tinkle of silver.

The rustle of paper is music to the Lord!

It takes cash to fill the breadwagon of the Lord!

It takes money to send missionaries to save souls for Jesus!

Glory...

...glory be!

Oh, Master, I adore you...

...with all my heart and with all my soul.

Take me!

Make me Thy bond slave.

Do what Thou wilt with this frail flesh.

Glory! Hallelujah!

Dear Lord, I am just a poor woman,

but I am yours!

I give myself... to Thee.

Possess... me!

Come to me!

Bring all our afflicted children to me!

This is just in case you have an accident.

We'll be praying for you, Mr Greener. We'll be praying for you.

In Thy blessed name I ask you, heal them all, heavenly Father.

Oh, thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!

This dear sister was given up for dead

by three practising physicians.

But I'm going to tell brother Bob to take away this wheelchair

because our sister is, praise Jesus, going to walk today without help!

The joy of the Lord is our strength!

You'll run to brother Bob, then turn and run back to me.

Go, go, go!

Come on, run to me!

- Praise Jesus! - I thrill when I see an empty wheelchair,

but I just run the gas station.

Jesus owns the oil wells

and the gasoline is prayer!

Jesus, this is brother Harry Greener.

I want everyone here, and everyone out there by your radios,

to praise Jesus with me.

Glory! Hallelujah!

I say unto you, praise God!

Reach down your powerful hand and touch this afflicted brother

and make him whole!

Christ Jesus is in you, brother. Do not reject Him.

Open your heart and He will make you refreshed and forever whole!

The audience exploded.

I stole the show.

Yeah, stole the show.

I tell you what I want you to do,

I want you to read the review.

Will you read that out loud?

The review on that act right there.

"A Natural Clown"?

"A natural clown is a rare find and Harry is a natural.

"I laughed till I cried. I thought Ziegfeld should star Harry Greener. "

It's a terrific review, Harry.

I took a full-page ad in Variety.

Nothing come of it.

A waste of money.

Waste of money.

She drives me crazy sometimes, Faye.

She's a...

- She's a "C.T.", ain't she? - If you don't mind me saying so.

She guards it like it was the crown jewels.

But her mother... That's another story.

Her mother would open up if you blew at her.

That's right. The head usher, the booking agent, the Flying Cantini Brothers...

You name it.

But... if she walked in here this minute, I'd forgive her.

I'd even forgive her that magician bastard she ran off with.

Damn foreigner.

I disremember his name.

You know, I used to blame her for not making it into the big time,

but I tell you, you ain't got a chance in hell if you ain't one of them.

You know what I mean? They got it all locked up.

To hell with them!

The door! Pop, are you OK?

Good evening.

Dreary.

Dreary, stale, something...

I don't know. Damn...

- Have fun? Homer must be a laugh. - That dope! Strictly home cooking!

What's the point with him? He's not Rockefeller.

- I'm tired, Tod. - Gable he's not. He's not even Earle.

I'm in no mood for a jealousy tantrum, Mr Hackett.

It's awfully hard to look down your nose when you got a pimple on it.

Goodnight. Goodnight, Harry.

What's been going on around here?

By the way, Pop, I ran into your old friend, Ben Bernstein.

You've been into my make-up again. I told you, let my things alone!

He said he might be able to use you in a scene, if you could get off your behind.

The hell with that mocking bastard!

I knew him when he was... polishing spittoons...

...in that nigger bar.

I have to be a dress extra to support you. Can't even buy an evening gown!

If you can't buy me an evening gown, I'll find somebody who can! You hear?

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those peepers?

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those eyes?

Gosh, all git up How'd ya get so lit up?

Gosh, all git up How'd they get that size?

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those peepers?

Jeepers, creepers

How they hypnotise

...with the remains if you'd care to see her.

- Maybe I won't bother her right now. - Excuse me.

Oh, Mr Kusich! You know what's happened?

- He gave up his whole life for me. - Cut it out!

We can't leave the remains where they are, can we?

He was lying there dying and all I cared about was a pimple.

Faye, child, you know my sole concern in this matter

is to help and take some of the burden off your shoulders.

There are a few things I have to know if I'm to help.

Did your father have a burial plan?

Did he leave insurance?

Well, child, funerals cost money.

Unless you want to let the City bury him.

- How much? - I'd say 200 would cover it.

I'm sure terms can be arranged.

I'll lend it to you.

I'll get the money, Mrs Odlesh.

I'll go right ahead and take care of everything.

Mr Holsepp'll bury Harry. He does it right.

Can you get me into Audrey's?

Sure. I've been telling you.

- I was saving it. - For what?

Are they ugly?

Close your eyes.

God, I'm so hungry.

She waited till the old guy was dead, I'll give her that much.

Remember that nag Tragopan I gave you to bet on? You know what it paid?

33.40, 22.10 and 18.50.

Tragopan is Greek for pheasant.

- Wise guy, you ain't Greek. - I speak Greek.

I'm a college graduate with honours and prizes and two degrees to my name.

And she gave me the old fingeroo!

Fill it in, please.

- Abe! - Shut up and pour!

Listen, I know a cat house down on Western. How's about it?

- I gotta go some place. - Well, screw you! I'm gonna get laid.

For Harry!

Your estimate said bronze. Those handles aren't bronze.

- Miss Greener okayed them. Ask her. - It's the principle of it!

I'm surprised at you, trying to save a few dollars with cheap metal handles...

Cheap metal handles? They are not cheap metal handles!

- I'll never send you my business again. - Please try to understand.

The services are beginning. This way for the Greener funeral.

Greener funeral, last aisle on the right.

- Faye, I am sorry about Harry. - I know you are.

I'd like to talk to you for a minute. Alone.

You look terrible.

What is it?

- Jesus, Faye! - You're drunk!

- What are you? - Let go, you bastard!

You know what syphilis does to your face?

Are you finished?

The services are beginning.

For the Greener funeral, this way, please. The services are beginning.

For those of you who have not viewed the deceased, please step forward.

The reading of the Holy Scriptures is from the Old Testament, Psalm 23.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

"He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul.

"He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil... "

Gable's arrived and they both came! They're in the second car.

"... Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. "

- Where are they? Which one? - Wait for me, wait for me!

Clark Gable!

Look! Over here!

Where do you want this thing?

Tod? Tod!

Hackett.

I really must meet the young lady one day.

Now, what inspired ideas, if any, do you have about this battle?

Come in.

Good morning.

Cornflakes?

- They were in the magazine, too. - I'll eat the strawberries.

Come here, you big dope!

"Faye Greener. Receipts and disbursements. "

You have beautiful handwriting.

They used to prize handwriting in accountancy. Not so much any more.

Six.

I'm sick of this.

Sick of it!

Faye...

...when I was a little boy I had rheumatic fever.

This is a true story.

The doctors said that I had to eat liver to regain my health.

I couldn't bear the taste of it, but I had to swallow it.

One day, I discovered that if I put the piece of liver in my mouth

and put a piece of bread with a lot of butter on it in my mouth,

I could swallow the liver and only taste the bread and butter.

Sometimes you have to take your liver

and if you help yourself, then God'll help you find your bread and butter.

Can I open a charge account at Robinsons?

There.

Mom said you might want these. Hello, little lady, how do you do?

I'd like to entertain you for a moment or two. We'll sing or dance, take a chance

to sell a little magic bottle to you.

- Can I? - What?

Open an account at Robinsons?

Faye.

Faye!

Hey!

- Where have you been? - You agreed not to, that was a rule...

- I've been alone here for hours. - I got ice cream. About our own rooms...

- Where's Waynesville? - Des Moines, Iowa. And possessions...

And who is Romola Martin?

Come on, who is she?

Romola Martin. She lived in the hotel where I worked. She was a dancer.

- She was a dancer! - She left these things behind.

Did you ever dance with her?

The ice cream's melting.

Why don't you ever dance with me, Homer?

Don't you think I'd be as good as, er... Romola?

If we have ice cream, we might as well have chocolate syrup.

- You said not to buy any. - Then I don't want any ice cream!

And don't think I'm watching you eat it if I can't!

- I'll get too fat! Don't you think I'm fat? - No.

You should call if you're gonna be late!

I'm sorry.

Faye!

God, some day you're gonna shrink up and float down the drain.

Well, sing or something, so I know you're in there!

Oh, say can you see By the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed...

Put these in the back.

- Hey, you got a washpan? - Sure.

They seem nice. Anybody can be down on their luck.

As soon as they get back on their feet, they'll find their own place?

We said that you wouldn't do any more extra work, that you'd just act.

Gotta keep in contact, dopey.

Come on.

You're not doing it right. Do it again! Keep 'em rolling!

No, you're not doing it right. Again! Vive I'Empereur!

No, again! All right, cut, cut!

All right, set up over here... Close shots.

Over there.

- Everybody, get lost. - Blueprint.

Get off the set! Get lost!

Fellas, the British are supposed to charge the French.

You're doing it slowly and I want fast, hand-to-hand combat.

Go again. When I say, "Action," I want the British to advance on the French.

All right, Frenchmen, line up in your ready position!

Let's try it again!

Charlie! Stop the goddam construction!

Quiet!

- Let's go! - Ready?

Roll 'em!

117, take 1.

All right, action!

Get that first line moving!

First line, charge!

- Second line moving! - Second line, charge!

- What the hell are you doing? - Let's see some fighting!

Move your asses! The second line's all over the place.

Get them out of there, get them out of there!

Follow me, get out of there! Clear the camera! Follow me up here! Let's go!

Hold it, hold it!

Keep off here!

Up here, fellas! Come on! Come on, you guys, up here!

Follow...

Jesus... Oh, my God...!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God!

Clear!

Let's get some help...

I've got you! I've got you! Hold on!

Hey! Hey! Get us a ladder up here!

This thing's gonna fall over!

Jesus, my shoulder! Over here! Help!

Faye! Faye!

Faye Greener?

Faye Greener?

Faye Greener?

- We ought to sue 'em for all we can. - Don't let those quacks touch you.

- A broken leg's worth $500. - Yeah, but no studio infirmary for me!

- I don't blame you. - Don't sign a release.

- What happened? - An accident on 15.

Get out of the way!

Faye! Faye!

Faye!

Tod!

- I thought I saw you underneath. - Me, too.

- You OK? - Look at my hand!

I had visions of you mangled, and just when I've found you again.

How's Homer?

I have so much to tell you about, about Homer and...

- How's Mary Dove? - About that too.

You know you brought me to my senses.

And my new clothes...

- There's so much to talk about. - Hackett!

Mr Helverston's in the barber's shop. Claude Estee's on his way!

I gotta go.

- Come to dinner? - When you gotta go, you gotta go!

Homer's a swell cook. He won't let me do housework so my hands stay beautiful.

Look! I even stopped biting my nails.

My hands are still trembling.

Well...

Listen, that reminds me. I lost my purse. Can I borrow a couple of bucks?

Here.

Take her to stage 12, please. Thank you.

- Excuse me. - OK, sir?

Nobody's dead, thank God.

Yeah.

It was the mistake Napoleon made,

charging Mont-Saint-Jean without knowing it was a trap.

I think a joke is in bad taste at a time like this, Claude.

The assistant director's on the critical list.

- Damn shame. - Sweet guy.

- Insurance company's notified? - Oh, yes!

- We're covered? - You know, a routine investigation...

- Routine investigation. - Why wasn't the hill finished?

We're not... We weren't scheduled to shoot the hill till Friday.

Definitely, definitely on Friday.

- Warning signs were posted? - I'm sure.

Well, sir, I'm not quite so sure about that. The signs were not...

I'm sure signs were posted. He can't have seen them in the smoke.

- Absolutely. - Unfortunately he's on the critical list.

To err is human.

Oh, Hackett, let me buy you a haircut.

- Take care of Mr Hackett, Jack. - Mr Hackett.

In a despatch which has just come in from Germany

which strikes a more optimistic note.

German officials say that when the British Prime Minister, Chamberlain

goes to the House of Commons...

Homer! Long time no see. Come in. How's Faye?

She's in the car.

She sent me in to ask you if you'd come out to dinner with us tonight.

- Well, I... - Please. It would make it a celebration.

Sure, why not?

Come in. Sit down. Want a drink?

- So, when are you two getting married? - Faye and me?

- She told me you're a swell cook. - I enjoy cooking.

We go out to restaurants more recently.

We have a business arrangement.

What a yuck!

- No one ordered coffee. - I did.

- For me? - No, for me.

Take it back. We're celebrating. Let's drink a toast.

- I can't. - To Tod!

- I can't. It makes me sick. Faye knows. - One little sip.

- Faye, people are watching. - He doesn't want to. Don't make him.

I don't like people who don't drink. It isn't sociable.

- People who don't drink feel superior. - I don't feel superior.

I'm drunk and you're sober. You feel superior, you know you do!

Attaboy!

Well done, slobby boppy!

OK, come on, let's dance.

That guy's superiority is driving me nuts.

- He loves you. - He's such a boob.

- Why move in with him to start with? - I'm not sleeping with him, you know.

So what's the point?

- Come home with me. - No.

- You could tell him something. - No.

Sneak out.

- I can't, honey. - Why?

I don't love you that way, sweetheart. You know how I am.

Please...

...I want you for a friend, Tod.

I need you as a friend.

Pretend you still work for Audrey.

But that... They were total strangers. You don't understand anything, do you?

Want to move in with me?

You don't know anything about me at all, do you?

Do you want to get married?

If you don't know why I moved in with Homer...

He's a decent man and I was lonely.

He respects me...

...and he doesn't want anything!

Garcoon.

What are you gonna do with a slob like that?

Alice.

Alice!

The meeting went off pretty well, don't you think?

The insurance company seemed satisfied.

So, what do you know about Catherine the Great? That seems to be looming.

Mrs Estee decided the pool needed a dead horse in it, so... we gave it one.

I think I fell in love with the house.

Alice came with it. Oh, Arthur, did Mrs Estee say where she was going?

- Out, sir. Very late. - No messages?

- No, sir. - Two Scotches.

Sometimes I wonder if we're grown men making mud pies to sell to the public.

Let me ask you something.

If someone had been killed, would it have made any difference?

- No one was. - If someone had been though?

No.

The warning signs weren't posted, you know that.

Would it have made any difference?

We should go.

- You're sure it's all right to bring me? - She'll be thrilled.

- Shall I bring something? Champagne? - She'd adore it.

Hiya, hotsie.

Claude Estee, Faye Greener.

- Mr Estee! I wish I'd known. - I hope we're not...

I'm practically nude.

For you, Miss Greener.

- Faye, Mr Estee. - Claude, Faye, please.

Stick around, Claude. I gotta dress.

- Claude. - Yeah.

- Fight's off. - What's wrong?

- They never showed! - Anybody else have fighters?

No one around here.

Shall we vamoose?

That's a good champagne.

Put it on ice.

This is my champ, Juju. I gave $50 and a shotgun for him.

You've got five. Sell me one and I'll fight him against...

- Pit him. ... I'll pit him against that one.

Put your boy Red in.

OK, Hermano $15. I'll give you 2-1.

What do you call that, a goose? I wouldn't bait hook with it.

It's a frame-up. Let me handle it. I handled my first bird when I was ten.

I fought chickens all over the south-west and Mexico.

Have we got a chance?

His comb ain't bright enough for fighting condition, but he's strong.

Uh-oh, I told you we'd been cold-decked. His beak is cracked.

That's no crack. It's just a mark.

Hey, good heart, good heart! We fight, but no bet. No bet!

- All right, get ready! - OK.

- OK, OK! - Ready? Pit 'em!

I think we got a hit!

I told you we got a donkey here!

OK, wait a minute, wait a minute!

Hold it, hold it!

Stick up, stick up, come on!

- Everything look all right? - You look ridiculous.

God! Only a nigger could wear an outfit like that!

Come on, come on! Come on, get him! Come on!

On top, on top, on top! Stick, stick, stick!

- Handle him! - Oh, God!

Handle him!

You'll be OK, sweetie.

- Are you ready? - Wait a minute!

Come here, baby.

- OK. - OK.

- Yeah, OK! - Pit 'em.

Come on, go! Go, honey, go, honey!

Handle him, handle him!

Get that stinking cannibal off!

You like my champion, eh?

I'm flying high like a star in the sky

As I flutter around...

Really, Claude, I mean, as an art director what do you think?

- Isn't it just a little gaudy? - No, stunning!

I drank bootleg better than this!

My dear, what's happened to Mr Estee's champagne?

I'm interested in your opinion, Claude, because I'm in pictures.

Only extra work now, but... I haven't had a real chance yet.

Acting's in my blood. We Greeners, we're all theatre people from way back.

I'm working on my wardrobe a lot lately. I don't believe in luck.

Luck's just hard work, they say, and I'm willing to work hard as anyone.

Who wants to dance with me?

Give me that.

Toddy...

Don't call me Toddy.

Sorry.

Don't keep saying you're sorry.

Will you quit that? Jesus Christ!

I'm sorry.

I try so hard and nothing I do seems to make her happy.

- We don't have any fun any more. - Stop whining.

You think you're the only guy that's been cold-decked by a dumb blonde?

- What's so special about you? - You're awfully young.

Don't patronise me. You're a snob. You're a Bible-thumping, superior snob!

- Don't be mad at me, Toddy. - I'm not mad at you, Homey.

Drink up, sloppy boppy!

You got what you wanted! She's a whore, your business arrangement!

Look in the mirror! Face your face, you stupid son of a bitch!

Oh, boy!

What a quiff! What a quiff!

Move over, lard-ass, I want a dance.

What the hell are you laughing about, you fugitive from Western Costume?

For two cents, I'd knock you out of them prop boots!

Goddam!

Come on, kid, let's get out.

Jawohl, brave leader. Can always count on you in a crisis, Estee.

Jesus Christ!

You filthy spy!

You dirty peeping Tom!

Hackett! Hackett, you coming with me?

Come on! Anybody coming? Let's go to a cat house.

Hackett!

- Homer! - Who is it?

Homey, it's me, Toddy.

Go away. Please.

Claude!

Estee!

What's going on?

Faye was sick and I was taking her some aspirins.

You son of a bitch!

Supposed to be my friend!

I'II... kill you!

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

Get out!

It wasn't true what people thought about her.

In the morning, curled up like a little girl...

Sometimes at night...

...and she'd say she wasn't angry at me...

...and kiss me goodnight...

...and...

...it'd mean such happiness.

She liked fun,

like sunshine in my life.

People need love.

People don't understand that.

Those things you said to me hurt me.

But I wasn't angry, because I understood how mean she could be.

I knew it was hard for her

and sometimes she needed more than an old man like me.

But I wasn't angry, because she made me happy.

I never thought what it would be like... when she went away.

- I'll find her. - No.

No... only if she wanted to come back.

I only wanted her to be happy.

When she smiled...

...I felt good.

It wasn't true what people thought.

She liked fun,

like sunshine in my life.

I understood when her father died.

Children need love.

People don't understand.

Oh, Lord, forgive me for harbouring such unworthy thoughts,

but sometimes I wish I could tear it all down!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Jesus!

Come home.

Please come home.

Come home.

Come home.

Come home.

Good evening, everybody in radio land!

We're speaking to you from Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood,

where tonight, thousands of people have gathered to pay their respects

to Cecil B DeMille and the world premiere of The Buccaneer,

starring Fredric March, Anthony Quinn, Douglass Dumbrille,

Walter Brennan, Beulah Bondi... You name them, we've got them here.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of Paramount's fine studio executives...

Let her through, please. She's just a baby. Thank you.

It's time for a great picture, the greatest picture I ever saw!

Ladies and gentlemen, Merle Oberon!

- Hey, let's move it up there! - All right!

Extra, extra! Paper, sir? Extra, extra, read all about it!

Homer! Homer!

Homer, get in the car and I'll drive you.

Beasts!

Shit! Homer, stay right here and I'll be right back. Stay right here!

Ladies and gentlemen, Ginger Rogers.

Ginger Rogers and Tyrone Power!

Ginger, I know that all your thousands of fans want to hear...

Hey! Hey! Hey, get out of here!

Get this guy out of here, will you?

You ladies listening in on radio will have to see the newsreel for this big event

to really know what I mean... Another car is driving up!

Here are the lovers of the silver screen, Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy!

Nelson, I see you've traded in your Mountie outfit for a tuxedo.

You look fabulous! Thanks for coming!

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has provided me with pages of facts...

Come on, come on, buddy! Watch your step!

Stop pushing! Get back! Get back!

Get out of the way! Come on!

Dick Powell!

Thanks for taking the time to stop by. Dick Powell!

Dick, we just want to talk to you a moment.

Your new picture is Naughty But Nice. Lovely Ann Sheridan.

We'll all look forward to seeing you in that! Good luck and enjoy it inside.

Nazi spy!

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those peepers?

Jeepers, creepers Where'd ya get those eyes?

Gosh, all git up How'd they get so lit up?

Gosh, all git up How'd they get that size?

...The Buccaneer. You're going to be thrilled to see him, Anthony Quinn.

Murderer!

- Kill him! - He killed a kid!

- Beat him! - He's a killer!

Please sign my book!

The weatherman has played a great role...

Tod!

Tod! Come here!

Something's going on across the street. I can't see. The lights are in my eyes.

But I tell you, these enthusiastic crowds here tonight are something else!

That's a first for Hollywood where a star is being carried in by fans

all over the intersection...

Tod!

Homer!

Homer!

Homer!

Homer!

Put him down! Homer!

Homer! Put him down!

In all my years of broadcasting I have never seen crowd reaction like this!

They're going absolutely frenzied!

The police cut off in the middle of the street, but everything's under control!

I tell you, if you were here, you wouldn't even believe what your eyes can see!

This crowd is just 10,000 enthusiastic, happy, wonderful people!

Don't, don't, please! Please don't! Please don't!

They're loving every living minute that they're screaming here!

If you don't believe me, listen!

You hear? If you don't believe me, go to your favourite theatre next week...

Tod!

Tod, please!

My God! Get me out of this!

Oh, God! Oh, God! Thank God!

Come on! Get out of here!

- Stop them! - Close the window!

Keep them out! Out!